Harry had decided that he really hated Apparating. He had assumed that he would become accustomed to the horrible sensation of his stomach feeling like it was about to jump out of his mouth. His assumption had been wrong. Rather it had only increased to the point where his stomach felt distinctly angry, and was preparing leap out of his mouth, run away to Toronto, and enter witness protection so that Harry could be executed for crimes against gastronomy.

Harry glared up at Albus. "Is there any way you can make that a little or a lot less uncomfortable?"

Albus smiled down at Harry. "No"

Harry glared back up at Albus, while Albus smiled down at Harry with an expectant look in his eyes.

After a full minute passed in silence, Albus sighed. "Do you have a follow up question, Harry?

Harry's glare disappeared as his brow furrowed in confusion. "No… like what?"

Albus rolled his eyes slowly and shook his head in mild despair. When he spoke next, he was clearly doing an impression of Harry. "Well, gee, Albus, if there is nothing YOU can do to help me with making it more comfortable to Apparate, is there something I can do?"

Albus's voice then returned to normal. "That's an excellent question, Harry, I am very glad that you are so inquisitive. And, of course, there is something YOU can do."

Harry huffed. "There's no need to be sarcastic."

Albus grinned. "There was also no need for you to miss the obvious follow up question. I suppose mistakes were made on both our parts."

Harry chuckled. "OK, I'll try to ask better questions. Now, how do I stop it from being uncomfortable?"

"How does it feel when we're in transit?"

"Like… like I am being sucked through a tiny straw and I am being squeezed by a super-sized vise so I can fit through."

Albus smiled lightly. "Ah yes, that is a common description, though you're the first to mention a vise. Well, just spend the next few days thinking of the best way to prevent feeling like that. Now, let's head on out of this alley. While I do enjoy the newest artwork applied to the walls, especially the latest batch of romances that are going to last 4 Ever, I am somewhat saddened that it appears that Ted has yet again found a new paramour. One can only hope that Jessica, Sam, and Heather have recovered from the devastation of losing a catch like Ted. Also, it smells as if a gentle citizen was once again unfortunately unable to find a lavatory in time and was forced to use the nearby wall as a backup. Shall we?"

As Albus began to stride out of the alley to the road, Harry followed him with an annoyed expression. "You didn't tell me how to stop the discomfort!"

"I gave you the hint you needed."

"Can you just tell me how to do it?"

"No."

"I hate you."

"And yet you hired me to be your tutor. You probably should be more stringent in your hiring practices."

Harry smiled broadly, then he spoke in a slightly curious tone. "You know, I didn't smell anything."

Unseen by Harry, Albus smirked.

Harry looked at the building in front of him, with a sense of confusion. "What is this place?"

"This my home away from Hogwarts."

"THIS is your home?"

"Well, I live upstairs."

Harry looked at Albus with a raised eyebrow. "And the bowling alley?"

Albus sighed with deep pleasure. "I own the building and the bowling alley. I believe my Chocolate Frog card says I have a passion for ten pin bowling, so that should come as no surprise."

"And the name?"

Albus looked at the sign with a pleased smile. "It's wonderful, isn't it?"

"Don't you think it's a bit petty?"

"No, it's extremely petty. Now let's go in! Oh, do remember that this is a purely non-magical business so avoid talk of magic."

With that, the two walked into the Lord Bowl-Some-More bowling alley.

The inside of the bowling alley was not exceptionally different from a standard small bowling alley, not that Harry had ever entered a bowling alley in his life. There were twelve lanes with only four currently in use. There was a bar that served pub food and had a TV playing some random sports game, and an old arcade game in the corner called Galaga. While the building was perfectly clean, it gave off the vibe of a grimy hole in the wall neighborhood bar.

One thing that grabbed Harry's attention, making him roll his eyes, was a sign behind the check-in desk that read "Tom's Riddle of The Day" followed by an easy to solve riddle.

"ALBUS!" shouted a friendly gregarious voice.

Harry turned to see a tall and muscular (with a bit of a paunch) red-headed man walking quickly toward him and Albus. He looked like a shorter, clean-shaven Hagrid. His eyes lit up with warmth and the crinkles around his eyes indicated a person who was no stranger to smiling. When he reached the pair, he wrapped Albus in a strong hug.

"Oooph! Hello Connor, you can let go of me know. I am fragile, you know."

Connor chuckled, and nudged Harry. "Don't believe him lad, I've seen him take a misthrown 6 kilo ball to the gut, and he walked it off in less than a minute. What are you doing back so early? I thought you had another fortnight or so before your summer break."

Albus smiled. "Well, there were some unfortunate misunderstandings, and I was offered an unexpected early retirement. Luckily, young Harry here was… also offered an unexpected early retirement, and he decided to take me on as his tutor."

Connor laughed loudly. "Well, we'll have to have a drink to celebrate your being canned once you settle in with Harry… wait! Is this the Famous HARRY?"

Harry grimaced as Albus nodded with a wide smile. He had no idea why a muggle bowling would know about The Boy Who Lived, but it seemed to fit in with his luck.

"Joyce!" Connor bellowed to the lady working at the bar. "Joyce, look it's Albus and his honorary grandson Harry!"

Harry stared up at a blushing Albus as Joyce hurried over. She was a pretty woman who looked to be about 40 years old, had curly dark blonde hair, and exuded a motherly aura. She smiled as she bent down to be at eye level with Harry. When she spoke, it was with a delighted tone of voice.

"Hello Harry. It is wonderful to meet you. We've heard so much about you. Last summer, half the time that Albus was here we spent listening to him bragging about you."

Harry looked at the woman in shock. "Really?"

Joyce smiled brightly. "Oh yes, he couldn't be prouder. How you remained humble despite your success as the star player of your football team. How you stood up against bullies and helped to raise the confidence of your friends. And how he learned that your fondest wish wasn't money or name, it was just to be around family. The year before that we listened to him talking about how he couldn't wait for you to start school, and how he wished he could contact you before that. The day before he left for your first year, he was as excited as child on Christmas Eve."

Joyce and Harry looked up to see Albus blushing brightly and looking around uncomfortably. From the bar a bell rang.

Joyce smiled. "Work beckons. Welcome Harry, it's been a pleasure meeting you. And making your grandfather blush is just icing on the cake." She winked at Harry and headed back to the customer at the bar.

Connor chuckled deeply. "Well, it looks like Joyce got all the fun there. I take it you're going to settle in for the evening, Albus?" Albus nodded, as his blush faded. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. Harry, the kitchen is open from 11AM to 10PM. It's on the house for you, and if you fancy a game, we will keep lane twelve reserved. Wonderful to finally meet you. We can go over the business tomorrow, Albus?"

Albus coughed, blush completely gone. "Yes, thank you Connor. Come along Harry, let's head upstairs."

As they entered the apartment, Harry took in the extremely muggle look of the room. Then, looking over to the window he smiled brightly.

"Hedwig!"

On either side of the window was a perch. Atop one perch was Hedwig, on the other was Fawkes. Harry jogged towards his beautiful snowy owl, petting her with great love and speaking softly to her about how beautiful and wonderful she was.

Albus smiled at the sight and walked slowly towards Fawkes. He bent down to look into the eyes of his Phoenix as he ran his fingers down his loyal companion's throat, Fawkes trilling in delight.

After several minutes of silent petting, Harry finally spoke while keeping his eyes focused on Hedwig.

"Sooo… I'm your honorary grandson?"

Albus looked over at Harry, his lips turning up slightly, and looked back at Fawkes whom he resumed petting.

"While you and your parents were staying at Hogwarts, I offered to babysit you whenever they needed a break. An offer they took advantage of with increasing frequency. By the time you left, I was watching you roughly four to eight hours a day. Whenever your mother brought you to my office, she would tell you to be good for your grandpa Albus."

Albus closed his eyes and sighed deeply before continuing.

"I never had any children of my own, Harry. Neither did my brother, and my sister… she died much too young due to some terribly stupid choices I made in my youth. So, while I am sure it didn't mean anything to your mother, being 'Grandpa Albus' started to fill a hole in my soul I didn't know I had."

Albus opened his eyes, looking past Fawkes, lost in memory.

"I was lucky enough to be there to watch as you started to crawl and the near immediate aftermath where you started to get into everything you shouldn't. I remember one time when I had you in a play pen and went to answer a Floo call. It lasted just shy of five minutes. When I looked back at you, you had somehow managed to escape the pen, find a six century old scroll on potion making, tear apart the scroll, and begin a good effort to slobber on and gum the torn pieces into an irreparable mess."

Albus chuckled, smiling at Fawkes.

"My fondest memories of those times though were holding you when you were tired or just wanted to be held. One of your favorite things to do was wrap yourself in my beard, using it as a blanket and a pillow. I would get no work done, my beard would be full of slobber, my arms would sometimes fall asleep, and I always felt that it was over too soon."

Albus turned to look at Harry, who was focused intently on petting Hedwig.

"I don't expect you to think of me as your grandfather, Harry. However, you shall always be the grandson of my heart."

If Albus noticed the unshed tears in Harry's eyes, he did not mention them as he turned back to Fawkes. The two just stood silently petting their avian companions in comfortable silence, until Harry cleared his throat, wiped his face and eyes with his hands, and turned away from Albus to look at the room they were in.

"Sooooo… this is your home away from Hogwarts… I was not expecting it to be so…"

Albus turned to look at the room with a small smile. "Normal?"

"Yeah"

The room was indeed normal. It wasn't the painful normality of the Dursley's home, rather it was the sort of normal where any person looking at the room would quickly assess that it belonged to a bachelor who kept his place clean but not spotless. There was nothing magical at all about the room.

The walls were an off-white color. There was a TV against the far wall with a VCR sitting on top, with a collection of tapes sitting next to it. In front of the TV was a worn couch and recliner, both looking like they were still comfortable. At the opposite wall was a basic kitchen that looked like it rarely got any use. Harry assumed the bathroom and bedrooms were down the hallway he saw near the kitchen. While he had never thought about the idea of teachers having homes away from Hogwarts, even if he had he would certainly never have pictured any member of the Hogwarts staff living in somewhere so devoid of magical trappings.

Harry looked towards Albus when the man chuckled.

"Harry, I could hardly leave this apartment full of evidence of magic while I was away at school. Although, I try to keep all magic work reserved to one room which can easily be cleared in an emergency. I mainly try to live a non-magical lifestyle when I am away from Hogwarts."

"Why?"

"In case I ever had to go with my backup plan of kidnapping you from the Dursleys. I needed to make sure I could easily navigate the non-magical world as a potential place to hide."

Harry's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Wait! Are you saying you bought this place, the bowling alley and apartment for me?"

Albus shrugged. "Well, I bought the bowling alley for me, because I love bowling. But, yes, you were the reason I decided to purchase a non-magical building."

"When did you buy it?"

"The day after Sirius was sent to Azkaban. Now let's see if Connor taped my favorite show. I swear, Satellite TV is a wonder."

Harry gaped as he followed Albus to the TV. Albus bent over to look at the stack of labeled tapes, as Harry sat on the comfortable couch.

Albus picked up a tape with a victorious grin. "Wonderful! I just wished this worked at Hogwarts."

"TVs don't work at Hogwarts?"

"Not anymore, they don't."

"They used to work?"

Albus pushed the tape into the VCR and sat down before answering. "Yes. A few years back Connor gave me a tape of the movie Star Wars. If you haven't seen it, we will have to rectify that problem. It has a wonderful discussion about the Dark Side and the Light Side, a lovable rogue of a man who reminds me a bit of Severus mixed with your father, and it is ever so much fun to cast a Lumos while waving your wand around and making light saber sounds with you mouth. Since Connor gave me the tape at the end of the summer, I brought my TV and VCR to Hogwarts. I set it up in my office and watched the movie several times over the first month back at school. Finally, I was talking to Filius about the movie and invited him up to my office to enjoy it. Once I turned on the TV, both the TV and VCR sparked and started to spew forth acrid smoke. Confused, I went and bought another TV, VCR, and tape. As soon as I turned it on, it all sparked again. I wondered if it was because of all the students in the building, so I tried in the middle of summer with the same results."

Harry's face filled with confusion. "That doesn't make any sense. Why would it work for a month but not again?"

Albus shrugged. "I don't know for certain. My best guess is that Hogwarts was fine with me watching TV by myself, but once I invited someone to join me, she became jealous and didn't want to compete with non-magical entertainment for attention."

"Really?"

"Maybe. Harry, it is important to accept that magic is weird sometimes. And when it is being weird, you need choose your battles and decide if its worth fighting the weirdness."

"That… that doesn't sound right."

Albus spoke in a completely unconcerned tone. "Fair enough. Feel free to figure out a better reason."

Harry looked at Albus with a suspicious look in his eyes. "Wait a second... when I asked how I survived the killing curse as a baby, you told me it was because of my mother's sacrifice. Was that…"

As Harry was talking, Albus was pointing his remote at the TV and frowned in confusion. Looking down at the remote, he huffed and pulled out the batteries. As Harry trailed off, Albus looked at Harry as he stood up. "Hmm? Oh, that. I believe I told you something along these lines at the time, but it was my best guess. So yes, before you ask, you very well may have survived simply because sometimes magic is weird."

Harry stared at the man's back as Albus walked into the kitchen to search for replacement batteries.

"Oh, Harry!" shouted Albus from the kitchen amidst the sounds of drawers opening and closing.

"Yes?"

"I need to prepare something for our visit with the Malfoys. It's going to take most of the week, so you will need to entertain yourself."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"It's your vacation. Do whatever you want. Bowl, eat, play Galaga, learn how to cast spells without a wand, watch TV, read. Whatever you like."

Harry perked up. "I can learn wandless magic?"

Albus walked in while placing fresh batteries into his remote. "Why not? Just place your wand in a different room to be safe and figure out how to cast a spell you already know."

"Any hints?"

Albus sat down and smiled when the remote successfully began to play his tape. He hit pause and looked over at Harry. "Yes, if you start to feel tired, then take a break. Other than that, think of this as an independent study… or a hobby if you prefer. Try different things, and I can offer some ideas once you have been at it for a while. I have complete faith that you will figure out the trick to eventually going completely wandless!"

With that said, Albus turned back to the TV, settled into his chair, and started his show.

Harry watched as the show's opening played and he asked with some confusion in his voice. "What is a Doogie Howser?"

Albus simply smiled.

As the days passed, Harry focused most of his energy on trying to levitate a feather without a wand. He kept his wand in his bedroom while he stood in the kitchen and swished and flicked his fingers endlessly while yelling "Wingardium Leviosa" at a feather on the counter. Initially he had gotten excited by his rapid progress, until he realized that his wild arm movements were creating a breeze that was causing the feather to tremble. When he took a few steps back, the trembling stopped.

He also took Albus's advice to heart and took breaks as he felt himself tire out rapidly. He wasn't sure why he was tiring so quickly, as he was just shouting and waving his arms, but he followed the advice.

Bowling was not Harry's game. Connor and Joyce tried to teach him, but Harry simply could not get a hang of achieving a proper throw (or even a throw that was better than rolling it between his legs). Over a total of five rounds, his top score was 49 points.

Galaga, however, was Harry's game. After a couple of tries to understand the game, his reflexes kicked in and he found himself clearing levels with ease. Eventually though, he would grow bored and walk away.

He tried to read, but his brain protested the idea of reading schoolbooks during the summer.

TV was a reliable source of entertainment, but even that grew old. Though he did enjoy the nightly session of watching two episodes of Doogie Howser M.D. with Albus.

His main form of relaxation was eating bar food while chatting with Connor and Joyce about the world to help him figure out what sort of non-magical hobbies he might be interested in trying out. It was also interesting hearing Albus being referenced as just the kooky and nice old man who owned the bowling alley, and not some sort of living legend.

Albus primarily spent his time in his room working on some unknown project, which occasionally caused bright flashes of light and puffs of multicolored smoke to escape under his door.

At noon on June 5th, Albus exited his room while cracking his back and neck. He walked into the kitchen to see Harry jumping up and down in place talking to himself. "This time Potter. Come on, you can do it! You can do it! You can do it!"

Harry shoved his right arm high in the air and began to yell an inarticulate repeating grunting sound as his face scrunched up into an expression that looked like he was trying to intentionally force all the blood in his body to reside in his face. He slowly lowered each finger of his right hand until all that was left was his index finger pointing straight up. Slowly, while still grunting, he lowered his finger until it was in front of his nose, pointing straight up.

Harry stared at the feather with an expression of deepest loathing. He then took a deep breath, pointed his index finger at the feather, and he yelled with such power and conviction that Albus wondered if Harry believed the feather to have performed some unforgivable crime.

"WIIIIIIIIIINNNNN" Harry's arm began the most violent swishing motion ever performed. Albus was impressed as he never thought it was possible to be so violent and yet still have the motion fall within the parameters of a swish.

"GAAAAARRRRRDIIIIIUUUUMMMM" Harry's arm finished its swish correctly. Albus was pleased with the pronunciation.

"LEEEEEVIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Harry's arm moved up for the flick, finger at the ready. Albus thought the "O" was being properly elongated to the proper ratio compared to all the other elongations.

With a burst of speed and power, Harry's arm slammed down with his finger pointing right at the clearly criminal feather. "SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Albus watched as Harry unleashed what seemed to be the combined rage of every sapient being on the planet to punish this monstrous feather for all the lives and families it had likely destroyed during its dark reign of terror. It was a truly impressive display.

The feather, rather callously, remained unaffected.

Albus opened the fridge and poured pumpkin juice into two conjured glasses. He turned back toward Harry, took a sip, and spoke. "So, any progress?"

Harry simply glared.

Albus handed a glass to Harry and beckoned him to sit on the couch.

Harry took the glass and hesitantly followed the man and then sat down. As he sipped his pumpkin juice, he felt his frustration start to drain away.

Albus sat on the couch next to Harry and sighed after taking a deep pull of his juice. "I wasn't mocking you Harry… well, I was mocking you a bit, but the question is still valid. Have you had any progress?"

Harry glowered. "Outside of progressing to the point were I now need to take a break after just one try? No!"

Albus smiled proudly. "Oh, that is excellent news. It sounds like you're pulling in your magic, but just not doing anything productive with it."

Harry perked up. "Really?"

Albus shrugged while still smiling. "Maybe. It could be you are just exhausting yourself with all the yelling and violent movements. Perhaps you might find more luck by not speaking or moving your hands."

"Is that the trick?"

"I don't know, it's worth a try. It has its pros and cons, though."

"Like what?"

"Well, the pro is that you won't be yelling all the time which will grant me some peace. The con is of course that I will miss out on the entertainment I get from watching some of your more ridiculous attempts. Now, come on, we are meeting the Malfoys tonight, so let's get a filling lunch, take a nap, and relax."

Albus vanished the two glasses of pumpkin juice, got up, and walked out of the room and down to the bowling alley.

Harry, having gotten more used to Albus's sense of humor, rolled his eyes and followed.

From afar, the Malfoy estate was a stunning sight under the light of a nearly full moon. The immaculately kept gardens that surrounded the expansive main house made was already an awe-inspiring sight by the light of day. However, the light of the moon made it clear that the gardens were the home of several faerie colonies, as the moonlight caused the flitting beings to sparkle with a rainbow of color and transformed the sight into something truly magical.

The magic of the view would be offset if one was aware of the layers of wards protecting the property (including five added over the past week) and the grounds and house being patrolled by a guard force numbering no less than three dozen. Entering the grounds without permission would amount to assisted suicide.

If you could ignore it being a death trap, then it was quite a magical and beautiful sight.

On a small hill overlooking this sight, Harry and Albus appeared without making a noise.

Harry grinned and spoke softly. "It worked!"

Albus raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"You remember when you told me to figure out how to make the apparating more comfortable? I figured out what you meant by your clue."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I knew that the straw had to be narrow for the trip, but I also figured that that it didn't need to be narrow around us. And since you told me visualization was important back before entering the goblin rendering place, I just visualized the straw bulging around us comfortably, while the bulge itself travelled down the narrow straw. And it worked! I felt comfortable."

Albus smiled. "Well done, Harry. I'm proud of you."

Harry grinned. "I can't believe I figured out your trick on the first try."

"Oh, that's not what I do."

Harry gawped. "What?"

"You found your own way. Congratulations Harry."

"Then what do you do?"

"It doesn't matter Harry. You found what works for you and what I do is irrelevant."

"Are you ever going to tell me?"

"… let's focus on our upcoming criminal trespass, shall we?"

Harry grumbled under his breath but did not say anything else loud enough for Albus to hear. Once Harry finished his grumbling, Albus handed over a pair of glasses.

Harry shrugged, took off and put away his normal glasses, and put on the new glasses. He then looked at the Malfoy estate, grabbed his head and silently screamed in agony.

Albus sighed. "I was going to recommend that you close your eyes before putting on those glasses, and then slowly opening your eyes to avoid sudden sensory overload. Your way saves time I suppose. In the future you may want to ask questions before making use of unknown magical items and potions I hand you."

Harry would have snarked back, if he was not busy trying to tear off the glasses and screaming silently in agony.

Albus bent down to look at the hunched over Harry. "The glasses will stay on you for three hours. So, you can stop trying to remove them. The headache will fade if you calm down and let your mind process what you just saw. Take a couple minutes to breath and slowly open your eyes to look at the Malfoy home again."

Harry did as Albus said, and indeed the headache faded quickly after he took several deep breaths. It was another 15 minutes before Harry was able to see the Malfoy estate without a headache. Through the glasses it appeared to be composed of nothing but extremely bright lights mixing, pulsing, and forming a shell around the building and grounds.

"What am I looking at?"

"You are seeing Magic and Life, Harry. The main thing you are seeing are the wards. If they weren't overwhelming everything else, you would see there are people underneath them. Please pay close attention to how you and your magic feel throughout this field trip. Now, focus on the brightest color, the gold. What do you see?"

Harry spoke in awe. "You made me glasses that let me see Magic?"

"Yes, but they must be used within one week of creation, last only three hours, and can't be created more often than once a year. So, please focus now and ask questions later. I would hate for you to miss out on the educational experience I am offering."

"The educational experience of breaking into a house?"

Albus spoke with a pleased tone. "And threatening a powerful political figure, yes. I'm glad you understand. Now, focus on the gold light. What do you see?"

Harry looked at the gold light, trying to ignore everything else. "It's just a giant blob surrounding the area… no… it's starting to clear up a bit. It's starting to look like a shell that is… breathing… no it's getting clearer. It's almost like breathing, where it seems to pulse upwards slightly and then settles back down, and the surface appears to be shifting around. Like… like oil on water."

Albus smiled. "Very good Harry. It became clearer as you focused only on that because your brain started to dismiss all the other magic. It's shifting like that because a good ward usually takes a few months before it fully settles into place. You can force it to settle quicker of course, but then the ward becomes brittle and easy to shatter. Say what you will about Lucius, even when rushing new wards, he makes sure to pay for quality."

"So… how do we get past the ward?"

Albus grabbed Harry's hand, holding it gently. Harry then felt his body begin to buzz. It was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, it was… weird. As his body continued to buzz, he saw the gold light fade and disappear. Albus spoke with soft satisfaction.

"We simply adjust our magic to make it seem like we are part of the ward. Oh, by the way, this is one of those tricks I have never taught anyone, so please try to keep it to yourself. Now, you see that purple light?"

Harry did see the purple light, as it was now the brightest light. It differed from the gold as it seemed to thrum, with a band of energy running up the circumference of the dome starting from the ground and then ending at the top.

"Yes. It looks different from the gold. This looks likes it thrusting up from the ground, while the gold looks like it was just dropped on top of the grounds."

Harry could hear the smile in Albus's voice. "Excellent distinction, Harry. There are many minor differences of course, but you saw the major difference. When a ward seems to be just placed randomly, it was likely devised by Wizards. When it seems to be powered by the Earth, it was likely devised by Goblins. Finally, when it looks like a cobweb, it was likely devised by House Elves. The House Elf Wards are easy to overlook and can be devasting, so always keep out an eye for even the faintest of colors. Now, I am going to keep adjusting our magic until all the wards think we are part of them."

Harry watched in shock as the purple light faded, disappeared, to be replaced by a dark blue light, which faded and disappeared. After the dark blue, there were twelve more lights to disappear. The last being a barely visible light green cobweb filling the air and ground of the entire property. He could now see individual lights throughout the grounds and building, some of which were dull.

Albus spoke up. "Now, the dull lights are magical artifacts, we avoid those through an invisibility spell of my own design."

Harry felt the multi-faceted buzzing start to thrum slightly, as the magical artifacts disappear from his view.

"The bright lights are living creatures or people. It looks like Lucius hired a guard force, which is flattering. Of course, the real concern is not them but the bright green light in the basement."

Harry looked and saw it. Its brightness was greater than the light of any of the other beings in the house. "What is it?"

"That is a House Elf, Harry. Often underrated, but incredibly powerful when it chooses to be."

Harry's eyes lit up. "That's Dobby! Oh, they treat him horribly. Is there any way to free him?"

Albus chuckled. "I am sure something can be arranged Harry. But while he still serves the Malfoys…"

The buzz and thrum began to ding, and Dobby's light disappeared.

"And then match the general magic of the people…"

The dinging changed frequency and the light of the people dimmed.

"… and then we just cast simple invisibility, silencing, and odor removal spells and we are ready to head to the master bedroom. Keep a hold of my hand Harry, or else things will become… complicated."

Harry tightened his grip and the two began their walk to the main door.

"Now Harry" spoke Albus in a conversational tone, ignoring the half dozen guards standing near the front entrance. "Remember that they can't see or hear us, so feel free to talk. How do you recommend we get through the entrance without alerting the guards to us being here?"

Harry looked at Albus in horror. "We're breaking into a house, and you don't know how to get in?"

Albus grinned. "What sort of field trip would this be if I did all the work for you and didn't let you have some fun? Worst case scenario, we get into a massive fight with everyone in the house and go on the run for the rest of our lives. You faced a three headed dog and then immediately jumped into a dark hole of unknown depth, so I am sure you can handle this."

Harry looked around for any sort of clue. He thought about knocking on the massive double doors, but that seemed likely to alert people to their presence. He thought about breaking a window, which still had the same problem. He thought about just hurling a rock somewhere to distract the guards from the entrance, but he didn't know if there was an alarm connected to the doors. Finally, a thought struck him.

"Could you get the guards to open the doors for us. Maybe make them think that they need to check in with the internal guards?"

Albus smiled while he nodded. With a quick flick of his wand, one of the guards (a weedy looking man with a mean look to his eyes) got a confused look on his face.

"Ey, Rog. I'm going to check in with Frank inside. Make sure everything is looking good in there. Help me with the door, will ya?"

Rog and Weedy made their way to the door, tapping the door in a specific order that Harry didn't catch. The double doors opened wide. Harry and Albus walked past the duo as Weedy began talking to one of the plump guards inside the house.

Once inside, the duo easily made their way to the master bedroom's door. One guard stood at the ready.

"What do you think Harry?"

"Well… was there an alarm on the front door?"

Albus looked at Harry with an expectant look. "Yes, there was."

"But I didn't see the magic for it…"

"And?"

"Do the alarms think we are safe?"

Albus's eyes twinkled. "They think we are part of the house."

"So… even if this door has an alarm, we can just open it and walk through?"

Albus nodded.

Harry grinned broadly. Albus was right, this was fun. "OK. Make the guard think he saw a shadow down the hall, and we will sneak in when he investigates."

A bit of wand work by Albus, and the duo were standing in the master bedroom, looking over a sleeping Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.

"OK, Harry, I am going to cast a quick silencing and locking charm around the room so we can have some privacy, then some spells upon the Malfoys, and then will make me visible and able to be heard. You will stay invisible and silenced, so remember to keep holding my hand so that you stay protected from the wards. Are you ready?"

"Ready!"

Albus raised his wand.

Lucius Malfoy slept soundly in his oversized and luxuriantly comfortable bed. He had no doubt that the Old Fool Dumbledore wouldn't have been able to bypass the security he had from a week prior. But, with his upgraded security, his home had to be the most secure home in all of Britain. He doubted even his old master would be able to enter without alerting anyone. As such, he went to sleep assured that Dumbledore would never make it within ten feet of his front gates. As he slept, he dreamt about waking in the morning to see the Old Fool being held by his guards.

Unsurprisingly, it was a shock for him to wake up suddenly due to a powerful enervation spell.

"Good evening Lucius and Narcissa."

Both Malfoys sat up to see the hated Old Fool standing causally in the middle of their bedroom, acting as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Both glanced at their night tables, eyeing their wands and left them where they lay. They knew that if they went for their wands, then Dumbledore would have more than enough time to summon them away and leave them scrambling like some sort of common folk. They would not give the man the satisfaction of embarrassing them like that.

"Headmaster" spoke Lucius. "Or I suppose that no longer applies. Shall I say Chief Warlock or Head Mugwump? You still hold those positions, at least until I report your intrusion."

The Old Fool simply smiled at the barb. "You can call me Albus, Lucius, as I have no intention of keeping those positions. I will be travelling, so I would not be able to give the positions the attention they deserve. Additionally, as both require a certain adherence to the law, I would feel a bit hypocritical keeping them. After all extortion is quite a crime, and I came here to inform you that I have taken on the new role of being your extortionist."

Lucius and Narcissa went for their wands, which predictably flew away and landed on Narcissa's vanity desk. Lucius sat upright, staring into Dumbledore's eyes. He spoke with barely repressed fury.

"You come into my home, and threaten my family? How dare you! I don't care who you are, I will see you in Azkaban even if it costs me my entire fortune."

Dumbledore spoke calmly. "And how would you use your fortune?"

Lucius sniffed in disdain. "I would simply have a conversation with Cornelius and… and…" Lucius trailed off in confusion.

Dumbledore spoke kindly. "Well, let's start at a simpler note. How would you get your money?"

Lucius looked at Albus with a growing sense of unease. "I would go to… to… that place… and then just… just…"

Dumbledore smiled. "Well, certainly you must have money here?"

Lucius looked at Dumbledore in dread. "I have a pouch. All I would have to do is… is… isssssssss… WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Dumbledore's smile turned icy. "I have used a special curse of my own design on the both of you. While active, you will intellectually know what currency is and that you have a sizable amount of wealth. However, you will have no conception of how to retrieve said currency or even spend it. Nor will you know how to use a third party, including young Draco. Indeed, you won't even be able to transfer control of your fortune to anyone else including your heir. You will still be obscenely wealthy, but it will be useless to you. Push your luck and you will be the wealthiest paupers on the planet."

Narcissa looked at the man in terror. This was not the Albus Dumbledore she was used to dealing with, and she would make sure Lucius did not try to play the same games he had played with the old Albus. She wondered if this was a glimpse into the Albus Dumbledore that the Dark Lord feared.

Lucius looked at the Old… at Albus with a mixture of rage, fear, and grudging respect. "What do you want?"

Albus's smile regained its warmth. "Well, it occurred to me that my early retirement from Hogwarts might encourage you to make some… unwise and hasty decisions. For instance, you might be tempted to push forth some of those rules you have wanted that would discriminate against those not of Pureblood heritage. Hogwarts still matters a great deal to me, so I would greatly appreciate if you would ensure that you don't work towards laws or policies that you know I would disapprove of. If you follow that standard, then you need not worry about starving on the streets with a vault full of Galleons. If you are looking for guidance on how to act, feel free to owl me at Gringotts and I will reply promptly."

Lucius ground his teeth together. "Anything else?"

Albus sighed. "There is something. It seems that my student, Harry, has taken a liking to your House Elf Dobby and I would love to give him the surprise gift of seeing his friend freed. Would you mind terribly calling him and freeing him for me?"

Lucius stared at Albus, seething, barely managing to speak. "Fine! Dobby!"

Dobby popped into the room, looking scared and miserable in his dirty dishcloth. His ears drooping in submissions.

"Master bes calling Dobby?"

"Yes, Dobby, fetch me a pair of my socks."

"Dobby bes doing as Master says", and before the sentence was finished Lucius was holding a pair of his fine socks.

Lucius held out the socks in disgust. "I present you with these clothes. You are dismissed from your association with the Malfoy family."

Dobby trembled as he took the socks. "Dobby is free? Dobby IS free! DOBBY IS FREE!"

Lucius sneered at the joy exhibited by the damned Elf.

"Well done Dobby" spoke Albus, surprising the House Elf. "Young Harry will be pleased to hear of this. Might you be willing to come by, if he called?"

Dobby's eyes widened. "Harry Potter sir wants to talk to Dobby!? Harry Potter sir is being the best wizard ever! Dobby be coming if Harry Potter sir be calling. HEE HEE HEE! DOBBY IS FREEEEEEEE!"

With that, the disloyal House Elf popped away. Lucius felt that it was good riddance.

"Thank you, Lucius" spoke Albus. "I appreciate your time this evening. I will see myself out. If you share the curse's existence with anyone it will be permanently activated. Oh, and I should mention, as payment for your role in opening the Chamber of Secrets, you won't have access to your money for a full week. Hopefully you'll play nice, so I won't have to make it permanent. Take care."

Albus then disappeared. Lucius ran to his wand and confirmed that he and Narcissa were alone.

The married couple looked at each other for a long moment and spoke as one to succinctly summarize their situation.

"Crap!"