Nobody wants you here, she heard in her head. It sounded like Sae, now, but other times Katie or Hermione. That was stupid. They didn't say it, yet. She tried to focus back on McGonagall, giving a lecture at the front of the classroom.
Lily scratched at her head. Her hair was messy and in tangles. She hadn't brushed it in days, and she was no longer keeping it up. She just didn't care anymore. The most she could bring herself to do was wash it.
Lily realized she should probably be taking notes, but couldn't find a scroll when she reached into her bag. She was lucky she remembered her Transfiguration book at all. She forgot it the previous day, and that got a few points taken from the House. She gave up. She'd just have to remember it all.
"And now," McGonagall said, Lily missing whatever it was she'd been talking about, "You will split into pairs. Each of you will modify your own hair into whatever colour you wish and then revert it back before the end of class. You will be helping each other with technique only. Do not attempt to alter the hair of somebody else. You will receive a detention for doing so. And only the hair on your head, please."
A few people laughed at the absurdity of the final statement, but Lily couldn't bring herself to do so. There was a Ravenclaw absent today, making them odd numbers. She was the only person by herself. McGonagall didn't seem to notice. Or, at least, she didn't seem to care.
Lily reached for the hand mirror at her side, looking at her tired, miserable excuse for a persona. Her eyes were starting to form bags around them, and her cheeks looked a bit ragged. Her hair was in thick tangles around her shoulders, and she could see several strands veering off in strange directions. She'd start with those. She touched a clump of them with her wand.
"Crinus Muto," she grumbled. She imagined the bright shade of the Hufflepuff girl and, in a flash, a clump of her hair turned that shade. She was surprised by how much she got on her first try; some students around her were managing only a single hair at a time. Lily set to work, feeling a bit better, changing her hair colour one section at a time.
Soon, she was fully blonde, and she thought her face looked a bit better, too, with the small smile it was now wearing. Now all that was left was to change it back.
"Crinus Muto," she said again, thinking of her original hair colour.
Nothing happened. She dug into her scalp just to check but couldn't find a single scrap of red hair anywhere. She panicked, a bit, worried it would stay stuck like this forever, that she'd fail the spell just like all the others, and then tried again.
She tried over and over again, as a matter of fact, but she just couldn't manage it. Her hair was refusing to change off the blonde. Half the other girls in the class still had their own heads half transformed by the time the bell rang, and they were laughing about it, but Lily hadn't managed to return a single hair to its original colour. She stayed in her seat as the others left around her, trying to hold back her rush of feelings.
"Nice hair, Heiry," Malfoy said with a sneer as he passed. He ran a hand through his own, and Lily was horrified to see that hers now matched his. She could hear him laughing about it as he left, and she tried again to fix her mistake, grumbling the spell under her breath, wand planted on her skull.
"Miss Potter," McGonagall said. Lily jumped. She hadn't noticed she was right there. "I believe the class is dismissed. You will have to fix your colour for homework, like the rest of the class."
"Please, Professor," Lily said suddenly, "Can't you just-"
"I could," McGonagall said, "But, seeing as how you failed to turn in your assignments the previous two classes, I believe it necessary that you do it yourself."
"Professor, I can't-"
"You can, Potter," McGonagall said. She placed a hand on Lily's for reassurance. "Remember the tortoise: picture it morphing in your mind, very clearly, and you will get there. I will not return it for you, just as I wouldn't any of the other students, including the Gryffindors. You may go, now. Don't want to be late for Charms."
She left Charms still in a mess. She'd been so upset over her hair, she wasn't able to focus, and couldn't produce even a simple feeling of joy while they practiced Cheering Charms. It was the first spell she ever failed completely during one of their classes, and Flitwick seemed devastated over it. He assigned her almost a full month's work of homework just on the one spell, to make sure she'd master it, and she had no idea how she was going to get through it all. She decided to skive off of Care of Magical Creatures again so she could get a head start on it.
Lily tossed her bag onto her bed as she arrived, then hauled herself up, completely ignoring Sae, who was reading below. Now that her crimes were in the open, she was no longer avoiding Lily, although Lily ignored all of her attempts at conversation. Lily scratched Weasley behind his ears, turned towards her trunk, then stopped, twisted, and scooped her cat up.
"Weasley?" she whispered, putting her head to the cat's chest, her own growing tight from the fear. He hadn't moved at her touch, and she thought he might be-
He was still breathing, and Lily could hear his heart beating, but the cat hardly moved from the stimulation, even after being fully picked up. He'd been dropping weight again, and she'd been worried for him, but she didn't realize how bad it had gotten. Lily jumped down from her mattress, forgetting all her homework and hair worries, every ounce of willpower she had fighting back the tears. She glared at Sae.
"What did you do to my cat?"
"Nothing," Sae said, sitting up quickly. She was feigning worry for Weasley, based off the look on her face.
"What did you do?" Lily said again. She could feel the tears coming, despite her efforts.
"Nothing!" Sae repeated more firmly. "I- I've heard Parkinson doesn't like it, that she's been-"
"What did she do to my cat?" Lily asked in a harsh whisper.
"I don't know!" Sae said. "I've seen her yelling at it, and- and someone said she was- err- whenever it-"
"Don't call him it," Lily said. She turned away from Sae, running for the exit. She ignored the other girls staring at her.
She ran all the way up to the Hospital Wing, ignoring people shouting after her, and ignoring Prefects threatening punishments for running in the hallways. She wasn't sure who else would be of use. She didn't want Pomfrey yelling at her, but she couldn't think of anything else to do. Pomfrey seemed briefly miffed to see her, but perked up at the sight of her cat.
"I don't treat animals, Miss Potter," she said with her arms crossed.
"Please," Lily said. She was holding Weasley tightly to her chest. "Please, Madame Pomfrey, he's sick, or- or- can't you do anything for him?"
Pomfrey sighed, then gestured for Lily to lay him on an empty bed. Lily did so quickly, and Pomfrey set about her work, poking and prodding the cat with all sorts of instruments (including her wand).
"He will be fine, Miss Potter," Pomfrey said after ten agonizing minutes, during which Lily pulled at her (still blonde) hair. "He is ill, yes, due to a large amount of stress, but so long as you keep it from increasing, he will recover. I don't know what it is you were doing to the poor thing, but you will have to refrain from it in the future."
"I didn't do anything to him," Lily said hotly. Pomfrey shot her a sharp look.
"I will give him as much calming draught as I dare," Pomfrey said, "And I will keep him overnight, to make sure he gets rest. You will attend your classes, in the meantime, and I will send him back to the common room for you before you return tomorrow evening. I believe you have a class right now, as a matter of fact."
"But-"
"No arguments, Potter," Pomfrey said in a bossy tone. "You are already in enough trouble as it is, being half an hour late. Get moving."
Lily lingered out of the view of the Care of Magical Creatures class for as long as she dared. Hagrid was showing them all a very large, very disgusting Bundimun. Lily got the impression that it had somehow absorbed the other ones and formed one large biomass. The class seemed too frightened (or disgusted) to approach it, and Hagrid was clearly put out by it.
Lily took a deep breath to steady herself, then walked forward, pushing past the rest of the class. She heard a few sniggers from Malfoy and his friends, who could barely contain themselves. The Gryffindors didn't even seem to recognize her, and even Hagrid took a moment before his eyes widened. Lily ignored it, leaning in to closer inspect the disgusting mass of green.
"How did it get so big, Hagrid?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.
"Oh!" Hagrid said. "Well- err- as I was just telling the class, Lily, it- err- it seems that they've merged into one. Exciting, innit?"
Lily nodded as if she agreed. Her eyes were starting to water from the noxious fumes. She'd been holding her breath the entire time, and her lungs were starting to hurt. She leaned back, taking a careful mouthful of air, foul with the creature's putrid musk.
"Well, now," Hagrid said, "Seeing as how we only have one Bundimun left, I think we'll end class early today, how 'bout that? Off yeh go, then, go enjoy yer days, and I'll see the lot of you next week."
"Sorry I'm late, Hagrid," Lily said as most of the class wandered off. "I had to run to the Hospital Wing."
"Never mind that," Hagrid said, "What happened to yer hair, Lily?"
"Later," Lily said. They were approaching the rest of her friends now. She didn't like the way Ron was clearly holding back a laugh. The only one who didn't seem amused was Hermione.
"How 'bout some tea, then?" Hagrid asked the group. "Seeing as how yeh've got the time, that is."
"Another time, Hagrid," Ron said with his voice full of mirth. "I've got about a hundred things to get through, hardly got any of it done over the weekend."
"What about the rest of yeh, then?" Hagrid asked with a friendly smile. Lily shook her head.
"I need to get back to the Hospital Wing, Hagrid," she said.
"What are you going there for?" Ron asked. "Is it the hair?"
"No," Lily said with too much anger in her voice, "It's- well, it's my cat, he's feeling ill."
"You took your cat to the Hospital Wing?" Ron asked with another smile.
"I'll drop in on him later, Lily," Hagrid said. "Got just the thing for it, perked Fang right up las' time he was sick."
"Thanks, Hagrid," Lily said, shooting a sharp look at Ron. He was still staring at her hair with that stupid grin on his face.
"You lot get back to the castle, then," Hagrid said, standing up a bit straighter. "Shouldn' be out without supervision, none of yeh."
"See you later, Hagrid," Ron said. He turned away first, Neville following closely after him. Lily followed behind, feeling her foul mood returning, Hermione falling into step with her.
"So, what did you do to your hair, then?" Ron asked, turning around and walking backwards with his hands tucked into his pockets.
"Does it matter?" Lily asked.
"What's gotten into you, Lily?" Ron asked with a tone of indignation. "You blow us off on Hogsmeade weekend, then you show up late to Care again, this time with blonde hair, and Malfoy's still going on about that duel you lost to him. What aren't you telling us, mate?"
"I'm not telling you, Ron," Lily said. "You'll just make fun of me."
"Suit yourself, then," Ron said, turning back around and picking up his pace. Neville followed after him again, shooting her another apologetic smile. She was sick of it.
"What did you do to your hair, Lily?" Hermione asked far more kindly.
"Transfiguration," Lily grumbled. "Couldn't get it to turn back."
"Oh," Hermione said, "Lavender had the same issue, but she figured it out in the end."
"I don't think I ever will," Lily said. She played with a strand of it. She hated the colour. Why did she choose blonde, of all things? She should have gone for a darker red, that would have been easier and less noticeable if she still screwed it up.
"Stupid," she mumbled to herself.
"You're not stupid, Lily," Hermione said. "You just need some practice, is all."
"Could you fix it for me?" Lily asked suddenly, staring at the other girl with hope. "You've always been better at Transfiguration, and your hair isn't-"
Hermione shook her head quickly. "We're not supposed to use human Transfiguration on other people, Lily, there's a lot of things that could go wrong!"
"It's just hair, Hermione."
"Still," Hermione said, raising her nails to her lips. "If I messed it up, I could really do some damage to you. I'll help you study it, Lily, but that's all I can do."
"Don't bother," Lily said. Hermione was quiet for a long while as they continued up towards the castle.
"Why didn't you come to Hogsmeade?" she asked. "We were waiting for you, you know, all three of us."
Lily kicked at a loose stone and ignored the question.
Lily was trying really hard to eat breakfast, but people kept looking at her and muttering. It was the first meal she'd attended in a while, and she only did so because she couldn't stand not eating much longer. She couldn't sleep the last night, between her stomach pains and the worry for her feline friend. Laying in bed, shivering half to dead, was an entirely different without the warm ball of fuzz pressed against him.
And, of course, she never fixed her hair. It was looking more frazzled than ever, even tied back. She'd only done that just to make it somewhat passable. She took another bite of her cold porridge, wondering why she'd even bothered to get up this morning. McGonagall was scowling at her down from the staff table, no doubt disappointed that she still hadn't managed it, when the rest of the class was already fixed, chatting happily away, shotting her looks of mirth and laughing behind their hands. Lily wished they'd mind their own business.
"All right, Potter?" Sae asked as she sat down across from her. Lily shot her a look and considered pushing her porridge away.
"I'm not trying to mess with you," Sae said carefully, "but you look like a complete mess. You've got people talking about you, you know?"
"I think I figured that out for myself, thanks," Lily grumbled.
"Potter, I'm sorry," Sae said quietly. "I shouldn't have-"
"You don't even care if Weasley dies, do you?" Lily asked sharply.
"Lily, of course I-"
"Leave me alone," Lily said again, shoving her bowl aside as she stood.
Lily considered skiving off Defense, but she showed up just as the bell rang, sitting herself as quickly as she could next to Parkinson in the back of the class. Lupin offered her a tired smile from the front of the class, and then settled into his lecture on the Grindylow, gesturing frequently to the tank he had set aside in a corner. Lily could hear Pansy's quill constantly working, but she didn't bother bringing out her own. Her mind was too busy to pay attention.
Lily found she had a very hard time focusing on what Lupin was saying. At some point, Lupin asked for a volunteer, and glanced expectantly in Lily's direction. She looked away from him, pretending to write something on her parchment. It was hard to do, considering she didn't have a quill. He called on Tracey Davis, and the blonde girl didn't look at all pleased about it. She approached the Grindylow tank nervously, where Lupin walked her through the steps of breaking the creature's grip, then cast a water-proofing charm over her robes.
That didn't protect her hair and face, of course, and she still looked wet and miserable as she left the classroom. Lily packed up slowly, giving the rest of the class plenty of time to leave first. Malfoy kept trying to corner her after classes. She needed to wait for him to get bored and leave on his own. Lupin put a hand on her shoulder before she could go. She considered shaking it off.
"Are you feeling all right, Hazel?" he asked calmly.
"Yes," Lily lied. "I should go. Don't want to be late."
"Don't forget your homework next time, Miss Potter," Lupin called after her. She picked up her pace, turning to head downstairs when she saw Malfoy waiting on the landing above. She'd take a shortcut.
History of Magic was just as miserable as Lily expected it to be. She found herself in a daze, not in the mood to draw, but completely unable to pay attention. She spent the hours in a stupor, staring straight through Professor Binns, as her nervous brain continued worrying over her cat.
What if he isn't there when I get back? Her stomach was hurting again. She thought about skipping supper to head straight there, but she'd already missed far too many meals. She'd need the strength to get through Quidditch practice the next day. Going to bed hungry would be an awful idea.
She made her way down to the Great Hall slowly, letting the others stream ahead of her. She found her pace was much slower without Ron and Neville always following her. She just had no reason to hurry. She never realized how much she would miss them until they were gone. Course, they hardly cared enough about her to check on her. Not a one even asked how her cat was doing, not even Hermione. Ron laughed when she said he was sick. She watched Pansy Parkinson chatting with Tracey and Millicent several flights down, wondering if they cared as little for each other as Ron cared for her.
She stared at the back of Pansy's head the rest of the way down, trying to make the dark hair burst into flames under her gaze. That target switched to Sae, when the second-year girl joined the throng of students after coming out of the Charms classroom. They locked eyes ever so briefly, then Sae stared at her own feet the rest of the way down. Nobody tried to talk to her. Lily thought that served her well-enough.
As Lily approached the Transfiguration classroom, she saw Katie walk out with a few of her fourth-year friends. Lily tried to look away, hoping Katie wouldn't recognize her with the blonde hair. She almost made it past, considering ducking into an empty classroom, when somebody grabbed onto her shoulder.
"Lily?" Katie asked in a baffled tone. "What did you do to your hair?"
Lily glanced at Katie. The girl separated from her friends, approaching her by herself, and she was offering Lily that beautiful smile of hers. Lily found she couldn't burden her problems onto this perfect being.
"Thought I'd try out something new," Lily lied, playing with a lock of the colour she hated. She didn't think Katie believed it, based off the look she was receiving. But Katie didn't push any further on it.
"Want to head up to the Astronomy Tower?" Katie said instead. She gestured over her shoulder with her thumb. "Hermione said she'd join us the next time, and Neville said he'd-"
"Can't," Lily said, although she desperately wanted to. "Weasley's been sick, Pomfrey's supposed to send him back to the common room tonight. I wanted to check on him after supper."
"Next time, then?" Katie asked with that same smile. Lily felt her soul lighten just a bit.
"Yeah," she said. "Listen- I'm sorry about Hogsmeade, I couldn't get past the dementors, I didn't mean to leave you-"
"It's fine," Katie said. "I'll stay here with you, if you want. Next time, I mean. So you don't have to be alone." Katie seemed a bit embarrassed to say that.
"Don't bother," Lily said, now feeling a bit determined. "I'll find another way in, I promise."
"You could just ask a professor for help, you know."
"I know," Lily said, "But, I'll- I'll be there, I promise."
"Well, I'm holding you to it this time, Potter," Katie said. "A girl can only take so much disappointment, you know?"
Lily hurried back to the common room as quickly as she could, after eating a few plates of food. She talked with Katie far longer than she expected to, on their way down the stairs, and she found her appetite come back with a vengeance. The last time she could remember being this hungry was the last time she got locked in the cupboard, right after writing to Hogwarts for help.
She spent so long eating, shoveling down as much fried fish as she could, that most of Slytherin was gone by the time she finished. She was ready for a nice, long shower and a nice, long sleep with her nice, warm cat cuddled up at her side.
"Wolfsbane," she said as she approached the blank wall. It sprang open immediately, and she walked into the sitting area, which was quite loud with chatter.
And one snotty blonde boy screaming loudly at Sae, who was holding her scared looking, hissing cat in her arms, with Pansy Parkinson laughing in glee, hanging on to his arm.
Lily ran forward without really thinking about it; she was already pulling her wand from its holster.
"I told you to keep that bloody cat away from-" Malfoy shrieked. He glanced in her direction just in time to see Lily raising her wand right at him.
"Back off, Malfoy," Lily said coldly. She pushed herself between him and Sae as firmly as she could. Malfoy didn't seem anywhere near as confident without his goons nearby. The common room around them quieted, as they all turned to pay attention to the standoff. Lily heard more laughing. She started grinding her teeth.
"Potter," Malfoy said calmly, "I was just telling Asari-"
"That you're a total prat?" Lily took a guess. "We already knew that, Malfoy, no need to clarify. Get lost."
"Potter-"
"Go," Lily said. She flicked her wand a bit, just for emphasis, and a spark shot out of it to accompany her burst of anger.
"What are you going to do, Heiry?" Parkinson said with a sneer. "You aren't allowed to lift a finger, are you, not even here!"
"Try me," Lily said.
"Like I'm scared of the cowardly lion," Malfoy said. "Lick any boots lately, Heiry, or are you-"
"Scabigo," Lily said, a red hex flying from the tip of her wand and striking Malfoy in the face. Pansy screamed, and then whisked Malfoy away towards the exit. The boy was clutching at his nose, where red, irritated scabs and sores were already breaking out. Not a person in the common room laughed. Lily hated them. They never would have let it go if it'd been her.
"Potter," Sae said nervously, "We should-"
"Don't talk to me," Lily said angrily. "You've been the one torturing my cat, then?" She grabbed Weasley from her arms, holding the shaking feline carefully in her arms.
"No, you've got it-"
"Just bringing him to Malfoy, then, so he could do it," Lily said. "Leave me alone, Sae."
Lily turned as quickly as she could, heading back the way she came. Weasley mewed at her, and she nuzzled him with her chin. He felt so light, she could almost touch his rubs though his coat. How did she let it get this bad? She should have done something ages ago, but she was so miserable, she didn't think he was taking it even harder.
"It'll be okay, boy," Lily said in a thick voice, unsure of where she was really going. The only thing she was certain of was that Weasley could not stay in the common room with her.
It would kill him.
She could only think of one place where she could take him, where he wouldn't be refused. She ran up the steps of the grand staircase as quickly as she could, wondering if she'd make it before curfew fell. She didn't want to be caught outside after hours. She was already certain she'd be getting a detention for hexing Malfoy in the middle of the crowded common room. She somehow doubted the rules would apply fairly to her. Parkinson even seemed to agree.
"Stupid," she told herself. She'd done exactly what she was told not to. If Snape found out, she'd be suspended for it. He was probably already waiting for her in the common room. And she deserved every bit of it, just like she always did, because she could never listen. She was just too stupid for it, like everybody always told her.
Lily turned off on the seventh floor, wondering how much time she had left. She wished she had a watch. Some of the older boys had one, but she hadn't seen much more than them.
Lily approached the Fat Lady carefully. The portrait was wearing the same pink dress she always was, swirling a glass of wine in one of her friends. She seemed a bit surprised to spy a Slytherin coming towards her, and she offered a sad smile.
"I believe we already had this conversation, Miss Potter," she said.
"I don't need in," Lily said quickly. She held up her cat. "I just need Katie, or Hermione, or Lavender, or anybody, really. Can you call for them?"
"I'm afraid I cannot leave my post," the Fat Lady said.
"Then send somebody else," Lily said with a spike of anger. "Look, I just want-"
"You have your own common room, Miss Potter," the Fat Lady said sternly. "I'm afraid I must insist that you-"
"Oh, come off it!" Lily said. "I just need you to-"
"Miss Potter," The Fat Lady barked, "I will not abandon my station, and I am not under any circumstances obligated to take orders from a Slytherin. Now, if you would, please return to your common room."
"Would you just-"
The portrait swung open suddenly, and Lily, ever so briefly, thought she was being allowed inside. Then Percy stepped out, his face red with irritation, his glasses sitting crooked on his nose. He looked slightly more surprised to see her than the Fat Lady had been. Lily could see a few Gryffindors staring past her from the common room, but nobody she was friends with.
Not that she had any.
"Lily?" Percy asked in that self-righteous tone of his. "May I ask why you're making so much noise out here? I believe you have your own-"
"Save it, Percy," Lily said, dumping her cat into his arms. He seemed taken aback by it. "Give him to Katie, or somebody, would you? I can't keep him in the Slytherin common room anymore."
Percy raised an eyebrow at her. "Cats should be allowed, Lily, and I'm really rather too busy to-"
"It'll take five seconds," Lily said, her temper rising again, "And I'm not allowed inside, am I? Just tell her it's too cold down there for him, I'll take him back home for the Holidays if she'll just watch him for-"
Percy shook his head, raising a hand to stop her. "Lily, you can't just hoist off the responsibility on someone else, he's yours and-"
"Percy," Lily said, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes, "Just this once, would you stop being such a prat and do me this one favour?"
"Five points from Slytherin, Lily," Percy said after a long pause. He tapped his Head Boy badge, and Lily felt like she could have struck him, if it wouldn't have gotten her into far too much trouble. "And I'll be speaking to Professor Snape about the disturbance you're causing."
"Fine," Lily said, a rush of hot air escaping her nostrils, "But just take him inside!"
"I believe I told you to-"
"Lily," Lavender said, panting a bit as she ran from the side. Lily hadn't been able to see her come down. She must have heard them arguing. "I just- what are you doing up here?"
"Thank Merlin," Lily said. She scooped Weasley out of Percy's arms, and dumped him into Lavender's. "Take care of him, would you? I can't keep him downstairs anymore."
Lavender looked confused and ecstatic. She always did love Weasley. "Of course! But- err- may I ask why?"
"Would you all get a move on?" The Fat Lady shouted.
"Percy can tell you," Lily said. She hopped out of the way, and the Fat Lady closed immediately on the two Gryffindors, her face a bright red. "Thanks for nothing," Lily said as she walked off.
That was one problem solved, and she felt her temper falling down, the space rapidly filled by a feeling of dread. Now Snape would definitely hear about it.
"Why's he got to be such a twat?" Lily grumbled, stuffing her hands in her pockets. She didn't have much longer to return to the common room, so she picked up her pace, wishing she'd brought the cloak and map with her.
"I believe you were warned about pulling a wand on your fellow students, Miss Potter," Snape said darkly as Lily sat down across from him. The Prefects sent her to him immediately; she wasn't able to sneak by them.
"He was hurting my cat, Professor," Lily said, only briefly looking him in the eye.
"I have multiple witness accounts arguing otherwise," Snape said, a cold fury coming over him. "You think you are above the rules, Potter, is that it?"
"No, sir," Lily said through clenched teeth.
"Then why is it that you refuse to follow them?" Snape asked.
"I have been, I just-"
"You've refused to regularly attend your classes," Snape interrupted, "You've assaulted several fellow students, you've-"
"I haven't assaulted several-"
"You've neglected your assignments," Snape continued, "You have allowed your marks to suffer significantly, you attempted to sneak into Hogsmeade without permission, and you have earned more detentions in a single month than the Weasley twins have."
"It's not my fault," Lily said, "I was just-"
"You have skirted the authority of your betters for far too long, Potter," Snape said. "Just like that boorish father of yours, you've strutted about the castle as if-"
"My father didn't strut," Lily said. She could feel her face growing very hot.
"And I suppose you would know?" Snape said, his own temper rising. "Or perhaps you were under the delusion that he was the paragon of respectability?"
"He was Head Boy," Lily said.
"Yes," Snape said with disgust in his tone. "He had all the staff fooled by his seventh year, didn't he? I can assure you, Potter, that your father was not the saint you believe he is. I had hoped you would take after your mother, but you've made it quite clear that you are his spawn, and I will not tolerate that behaviour in my House."
"Leave my mother out of this," Lily shouted, her limbs shaking in her fury. She didn't remember standing.
"I think not, Potter," Snape said. "I know you prefer her name around those miserable little friends of yours. If you're going to dishonour her memory by carrying it, then you should at the very least understand the great disservice you are doing her."
"Don't," Lily whispered, still shaking.
"Do you think she'd be proud of you, Potter?" Snape said coldly. "I believe it far more likely that she'd be disgusted by the way you've been acting. She always did get onto your father and his little gang of miscreants, couldn't stand being around them. She would be furious to learn her daughter is going the same way."
"Please," Lily said, her legs failing her, falling back into her seat, "Just- just give me the detention already, or- or-"
"No," Snape said, leaning back in his seat. "I think a more severe punishment is in order. Perhaps that will get through your rather thick skull."
Lily rose from her seat again, feeling cold inside, no longer able to meet Professor Snape in the eye. "I'll pack my trunk, then."
"Not so fast, Potter," Snape said as she reached the door. "Where do you think you're going?"
"You're suspending me, aren't you?" Lily asked, her voice quiet and flat.
"Of course not, you stupid girl," Snape said, waving his hand at the seat Lily had just been occupying. She refused to sit down. "You were allowed to take three electives due to your prior high marks and good behaviour. As those are figments of the past, I believe I will be removing your privilege. You will no longer be attending Care of Magical Creature as of next week."
"You can't!" Lily said in horror. "I can drop-"
"This is a punishment, Potter," Snape said with venom. "Perhaps less time with the Gryffindors will teach you to behave yourself. You may go."
"But-"
"Ten points from Slytherin, Potter," Snape said, spit flying from his mouth. "Now get out of my sight!"
Lily slammed the door behind her on the way out, feeling far angrier than she ever had before. As she entered the common room for the fourth time this night, she glared over at the smirking form of Malfoy, silently daring him to say something. He seemed to have enough sense not to. That was for the best. Lily would have gotten expelled for what she wanted to do. She stormed off towards the girl's dorm, her ears ringing from the pressure. Pansy didn't try saying anything as she passed. She was too busy laughing loudly with the other Slytherin second years. They all had their hair changed to look like hers, to mock her.
Lily hopped up onto her mattress as quickly as she could, not bothering to remove her boots. Her head was pounding, but she buried her face in her pillow, trying to calm herself down. More people laughed around the room, and she was certain it was about her. She didn't look at them. She didn't want to give them the pleasure.
"Potter, we should talk," Sae's quiet voice said from the edge of her voice.
"Go away," Lily's muffled voice said.
"Potter, come on, I'm-"
Lily looked up, an ugly expression on her face. That shut Sae up, and she retreated to her own bed, looking just as bad as Lily had felt these past few days. That made most of Lily's anger go away, replacing it with exactly the same feeling. She wasn't going to apologize, though, not to any of these people. She was determined, on that front.
She glanced around the common room. Most people were happily chatting, preparing for the weekend. The fifth years and seventh years were studying quietly at the tables or their beds. They all looked so happy. Lily didn't know how they did it.
She sat herself up, deciding she'd get some work done. She hadn't done any the last few days. She still felt ruddy, but if she didn't get on it, she never would.
There was new writing on her trunk. At least one phrase was appearing on it per day, now. Lily assumed Malfoy kept bribing people to do it, just to make her suffer. None of it was ever in Sae's handwriting, not after the first, but it always hurt her heart every time she saw it.
Today's was especially bad.
Go home, Gryffindor, go home.
Lily glanced over at Pansy. The other girl laughed louder, pulling at her blonde locks in utter glee. Lily felt like she was going to be sick.
She couldn't stand it in here for one more moment. She hated all of these people. She wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes. She refused to let them see her cry, they'd never get another chance for it.
She threw her trunk open, tucked her invisibility cloak and map into her robes, and then turned to her blankets. She cast a shrinking charm on the one from the Weasley's (it was especially thick and fluffy, Mr. Weasley sent it for her after she stopped writing home), as well as her pillow, and then tucked those into her robe, too, right across from the other things. Then she shut her trunk tightly and jumped down from her bed, carrying her Potions book under her arm as if she was heading off to study. Not a single person cared to ask where she was going. Pansy and Daphne both pulled at their hair as she passed, Millicent Bulstrode laughing so hard it sounded like she was wheezing.
She stopped in the connecting hallway between the sitting room and the dorm, right where it curved so neither room could see her. She tossed the cloak over her body, then continued on her way, leaving the common room completely.
Once she was in the dungeons (which were quite dark), she made her way out towards the Great Hall. There was one Prefect patrolling the ground floor, and she waited for him to leave before pulling out the thick bunch of paper.
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," Lily said, touching her wand to the parchment. The map immediately filled in, inkblots framing the walls and halls of Hogwarts, little feet walking around in various spaces, each with a name representing the person occupying that exact space.
Lily thought about heading off to the Gryffindor common room, sneaking in when somebody else came through. A quick count showed her that all the Gryffindors were already well within the common room. That made sense. It was past curfew.
She didn't fancy waiting for a Prefect to set off for patrol, but she had another idea. There was always one room that was empty, no matter the time of day, and no matter the situation. Plus, she did promise to visit.
She wandered carefully up to the second floor, watching the map for staff and Prefects, hoping that nobody would ever find out about what she was going to do. She turned off, down a usually abandoned corridor. The writing that was on the wall last year was finally gone. Dumbledore must have found a way to remove it over the summer. Lily pushed her way into the girl's bathroom, checking the map just to make sure. There wasn't a single soul anywhere near the premises.
Well, that wasn't quite true. There was always one soul in here.
"Who's there?" the mopey voice of Moaning Myrtle called from her usual cubicle.
"Lily," Lily said in a rough whisper.
"Finally come to visit, have you?" Myrtle said through a series of sniffs. "Took you long enough, didn't it?"
"I've been busy," Lily said. She walked to the nearest wall, then hauled herself onto the ledge. It was much colder next to the stained-glass window, but it would keep somebody from walking on her, should somebody actually come to the bathroom.
"What are you doing here?" Myrtle said. Her voice sounded like gurgles. She must be hiding in the toilet.
"Sleeping," Lily said as she expanded her pillow with a growth charm. "Can't stand the common room anymore."
"I used to sleep in here all the time," Myrtle said with a strange fondness. "Before I died."
"Then you won't mind waking me if somebody comes in," Lily said. She tucked into her pillow, pulling her blanket tightly over her. It was a cramped fit. She had to squeeze her legs inwards. She was sure her back would be aching when she woke. It was much easier to keep her cloak over her up here, though. She'd expected it to be a much bigger issue. She had it pinned under her feet and pillow, the weight of her body holding it down.
"Why are you sleeping in here?" Myrtle said just as Lily got comfortable.
"Does it matter?" Lily said. She yawned loudly, hoping to get the point across.
"Of course it does," Myrtle said with another sniff. "Nobody ever wants to stay with poor, mopey, dorky, Moaning Myrtle."
"I don't want to be in the common room," Lily said a bit more rudely than she meant to. Lily was surprised that didn't set Myrtle off on one of her famous wailing sessions.
"The Slytherin girls are rather mean, aren't they?" Myrtle said in understanding. "Well, you're welcome to share my bathroom with me anytime, Lily."
Great, Lily thought, changing positions to try to get comfortable. One person in the whole castle likes me, and it's Moaning Myrtle.