I wrote this fucking thing twice. By the second time, I just wanted to delete the story. I feel like this one cuts off too soon, not to mention having a rushed pace in general. Maybe the appropriate reaction should be calling it "stylistic", but you know what I call it?

INCOMPETENCE.

I can't even make an argument that it's fast paced to represent life from the POV of a android, or whatever. It's just bad writing, that's all.

Odds And Ends Of Humanity

Chapter 3

Connor felt bad about having to leave Sumo behind again so soon, and not even letting him stick his head through the gap in the door to demand attention from the new visitor. But Hank was getting better, at least enough to feed and play with him in his absence.

He didn't intend for this meeting with Kara to take hours. All he wanted to do was apologize for putting her into danger, explain that his deviating is real. She didn't have to believe any of it. She didn't have to offer trust to him the way she did Markus. Maybe he should use similar wording like that? That might make something happen. Good or bad.

So that was how Connor and Markus arrived at a modestly-sized, admirably clean hotel. At least from the lobby. The travel lasted too quick for Connor's liking; he was so involved with trying to assemble his explanation to Kara last minute Markus clearly took notice and didn't trigger small talk to distract.

Asking the human woman at the check in desk for the room number was easy enough. The brief elevator ride to the fifth floor wasn't even worth feeling awkward about. But it was the moment they were face to face with the door did Connor question himself if he rushed into speaking to the android he'd once been a threat to.

When Connor's doubt started to outweigh motivation, Markus' voice pierced through.

"Say what you feel. You seem to do that easily enough when it's just the two of us."

Connor forced his gaze to the floor, fist still raised to the door. Honestly, everything blurred so much that he didn't know when he actually made an attempt to get the attention of the family inside.

One look at the number on the wall.

One look at Markus' supportive face.

Three knocks on the door.

What had he done.

It was too late to turn back when the door suddenly opened to reveal a female android who hadn't changed much since... Well, her hair was still short but without constantly being in danger she was able to keep it more sleek and her winter style clothing appeared to have been purchased from a store. If she wasn't made a target, Connor believed he would have struggled to tell her from a human across the room.

Kara's eyes brightened, a good start. "Markus, have you been doing well?" Oh.

"The situation at Jericho is the same." Markus responded just as chipper. "North and Josh still aren't seeing eye to eye on some topics, but I'm working on helping them find healthier ways to express themselves. Believe it or not; North has admitted even she's annoyed by having to repair whatever she throws against a wall."

"Well, you're glowing when you say her name. Are you still...?"

"Calling off a relationship with North would be a death sentence." Markus laughed, but it wasn't even a joke...

Connor remained standing in front of the doorway, so close to them and yet so far away. That feeling of being alone overcame him, while Markus and Kara may as well have embraced because there was a lot of friendly energy consuming them.

Markus did eventually throw out his arm behind Connor, pointing him out. And before he even had the chance to say his name or bring up the reason they were meeting, Kara's gaze flickered to Connor although once their eyes were connected all the life that shone when speaking to Markus disappeared.

At least the hotel room was styled simplistically with earth tones on everything, barely the size of a small house's living room. Luther and Alice could be seen sitting on the couch reading a book together, also dressed to match the season and looking like they came back from a shopping trip.

Connor may as well have been thrown under a spotlight when he walked in. Alice looked alarmed, shrinking into Luther's side while he shot Connor a wary look not unlike those from Jericho's population. Kara decided to step in between them, attempt to defuse the situation.

"Connor hasn't come to harm us." Kara said soothingly alternating between Luther and Alice. "All ties to CyberLife are gone – he's a deviant too."

"There's so much more freedom now, but I'm unsure what to do with it." Connor explained, stepping forward. "I want to understand these human feelings, and find out who I am. But I can't do it alone; I don't want to be left alone when there are sympathetic people and androids out there."

Everyone was staring by then. Connor expected it would happen, but now that he was involved in the scene he put together in his head. The fact it took Kara moving closer to the couch and stroking Alice's hair for her terror to begin wavering didn't help. In trying not to cause stress, that state actually struck him and he tried to fend it off... By staying focused on what he wanted to achieve. Only once the words finally caught up with him, he couldn't shut his mouth.

"Kara, you have a small family. Markus has a whole community. I have one human I only know because we were assigned to work together." Connor knew his stress was on the rise as he spoke, but that did nothing. He kept his gaze on Kara, and Kara alone. "You don't have to believe me when I say that now I feel guilty for putting you in danger. After I found out you agreed to this meeting, I would leave stasis with images of you and Alice being run over. And each time I was distressed; I wonder if I would have felt anything if that actually happened. And then distress turns to... Fear of not feeling anything about death."

He didn't know what he was going to say when he first arrived, but somehow it came together right then. And Connor might not have been able to sigh, but even with the weight in his chest and heat threatening to damage components... He didn't intend to make a run for the door. He was going to plant his feet right there, wait until someone couldn't take it anymore and passed judgement.

The order of events was completely fucked, he couldn't lie.

The first to break the silence was Luther, surprisingly. A quiet, thoughtful sound passed his lips before he stood. Not to put himself as a barrier between the ex deviant hunter and his family, but rather he picked the book off the floor. He asked Alice if she would like to finish the story downstairs, a bizarrely smooth transition and also a necessary one. He wasn't meant to hear some of that. And it probably wasn't good for Alice's mental health to be hearing it.

Luther and Kara briefly shared a look, one where it seemed they were communicating through each other's heads, but Connor swore it was only eye contact before the former gave her arm a gentle squeeze as he passed by. With another extended door creak, Luther and Alice made their esca- exit.

Kara backed up against the office chair to seat herself, and made a vague gesture to the now empty mini couch. There was barely enough room for two adults on it, so when Connor's head fell into his hands the moment he sat he may or may not have elbowed Markus in the abdomen.

If Connor wasn't too busy wanting to open his eyes and find himself back in Hank's house just leaving stasis, he would have liked to dwell on Kara and Markus' reactions to him. Maybe Kara a little more. He could see from the corner the two blatantly watching him with different expressions. Equally effortless displays of contemplation on Kara, and sympathy on Markus. They could have called him out for rushing several sentences through a conversation.

The most offensive part being that it wasn't even a conversation.

When Connor felt like everything was truly fucked up, he wasted a trip here and Markus' time... A hand extended and clasped his wrist. It was trying to pry his own hands from his face, with just a slight tug. Connor followed the hand up its arm, all the way to Kara's face.

"How could you feel fear and grief for two... Two 'machines' without the capacity for emotion?"

"Two?"

"Me and Alice."

Connor couldn't stand looking in her eyes. That would probably sound unfortunate out loud, but really it came down to her steel eyes. Tough like steel, not cold or-

He did a double take right back. The obvious question wanted to be asked, but- Never mind. He needed to focus on one thing...

"Because my situation quickly turned into deciding the fate of these 'machines', who either proved to feel love or were simply defenseless." Something about Kara's touch kept him calm, it allowed Connor to say his words without a nervous lag. "My programming would have let me go through with turning you and Alice in, injuring you critically if that would slow you down. Then I would have killed a pair of androids for having developed a romantic attachment. And then another at point blank for information. And finally Markus-"

"But you're not a murderer." Markus interjected, tone dripping with belief in his words.

"I still accepted my original purpose as a hunter for my own people." Connor retorted, looking over his shoulder. He didn't want to know what look fell upon his face, if anything. "I saw what I could have become if I didn't deviate – CyberLife activated him when I was most vulnerable to emotions. And I've had moments of fear, but never so strong until I saw how empty his eyes were."

"It's not difficult for me to believe you." Kara interjected.

Connor whipped his head back to Kara, and he was going to ask what she meant until she made a shushing gesture and looked down. Connor's gaze followed, he couldn't help being curious.

Both androids' lower arms were quaking, the cause seeming to be Connor. If he had applied so much pressure to a human's hand, there most likely would have been a fractured bone. That was where self-consciousness forced him to let go.

"Connor, do you know why I agreed to hear your side of the story? Why I'm not afraid?" Kara asked suddenly, idly testing movement of her hand after all that. "I've had so many terrifying experiences recently, I can't keep count. I must have deviated three times, although the last was more so having my memory stolen."

Connor exchanged a glance with Markus, hoping to find some kind of explanation for deviating multiple times. All he received was an equally perplexed expression.

"My owner abused me and Alice, I wasn't able to learn about my feelings or even my own personality because the situation at his house escalated so suddenly. My new purpose in life: keep Alice safe. But I made bad decisions. I wonder if my good intentions only traumatized her more."

Kara stood from the chair suddenly, and she made a short stroll to the large window the couch was placed in front of. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact, heaved a realistic sigh while pulling back the physically painful checkered curtain.

"I want to believe there's more good people than the few I met in between some of the worst times..." Another sigh, and she had no idea she was such an anomaly. "To find out, I have to take risks again. Although the stakes would be much lower this time."

Connor couldn't help assuming a defensive position when Markus spontaneously launched out of the couch, stepping around Kara and beaming at her.

"So you did end up thinking about it after all!"

"Surprised?" Kara even cracked a smile.

"Well, it's just like you said: you would be taking a risk."

"But Connor opened up easily... Like you predicted."

"It could have been the freedom of being able to speak much more honestly, too."

"What are you talking about?" Connor asked a little more loud and forcefully than necessary, but astonishment had set in.

Markus and Kara stopped, both giving him apologetic looks. He assumed for the way the room was split between awareness and confusion. But of course it was Markus who set off an explanation; that was his life now.

"When setting up this meeting, an idea struck me: you and Kara might be able to help each other. The two of you are still searching for who you are, but your different experiences could provide insight. Maybe you could learn new methods for overcoming problems." Markus' eyes were so bright as he said it, some kind of fondness in there. "Living in Jericho taught me the most unlikely people can be strong together. Everyone comes from a different background, feels different emotions. And that's fine."

"I was skeptical about meeting you in person." Kara added seamlessly, not as bright-eyed but her face was relaxed. "I wondered how Markus could be so quick to trust someone who was supposed to kill him and destroy all the progress he made."

"But what convinced you to go through with it?" Connor murmured, trying not to regret it. Failing.

Kara's relaxed face turned to contemplation, something she wore well. Connor realized that while she emulated so human-like, Markus was much more... Refined? He didn't want to say it aloud before finding a way to not make it sound like an insult. It made more sense if he remembered learning how to blend in with humans was important to be safe, but the world did not take it easy on her.

All of Connor's thoughts swapped out for garbled nonsense, practically sending errors as Kara approached him with a kind smile. No scenario that ran through his head involved smiles aimed at him.

"Your eyes aren't cold, but they are deceptively soft considering your strength." Kara said it like a simple, inarguable fact. "You don't know your eyes have been constantly changing between nervous, fearful and hopeful all this time."

TBC