Nobody knocked on the door. She could hear people on the other side, over the sounds of her sobs, but they couldn't find her. Soon enough, they disappeared. They didn't care.

Nobody ever cared.

Hazel stayed on the floor. She was unable to stop the coughs or the hiccups that ran through her. Her head was pounding, her eyes puffy and dry. She could barely feel her pain anymore. She just felt numb.

"She was here, Remus?" the distant voice of Dumbledore said. Hazel let out another cry. Why couldn't she be alone? That was all she wanted, all she asked for. They were all better off if she wasn't here.

"Yes, sir, there was a door and- and when she went through, it- it vanished."

"I see," Dumbledore said. "Lily? Can you hear me?"

"Leave me alone," she shouted.

"Sir, what if she's in danger?" Lupin asked. "I promised her parents I'd-"

"Lily is safe, so long as she is in the castle walls. Fetch Minerva, Filius, Poppy, and Severus for me, if you'd please, and go with them to my office. Send Pomona and Cuthbert to me immediately. Sonorus."

On the last syllable of the spell, Dumbledore's voice echoed loudly, filling the whole castle. Hazel could no longer hear Professor Lupin.

"All students will return to their dormitories immediately," he said. "Remaining classes are cancelled for the Holidays. You have all earned the extra break. As an additional gift, I am personally cancelling all remaining detentions until the next term. You will remain in your common rooms until told otherwise. We will send feasts up to each common room. Have a good night. Quietus."

Hazel sniffed again. She knew Dumbledore would try again, soon. She could hear students passing him, some talking to him. Dumbledore would greet them cheerily, then send them on their way. She heard Percy ask what was happening, but Dumbledore ignored his questions, and then sent him off.

Finally, everything was quiet. Hazel wondered if he left. She hoped he did.

"Can you hear me, Lily?" Dumbledore said softly. It sounded as if he was right against the wall. "I am sorry. Everything you have gone through is my fault. I cannot begin to imagine how I will make up for it, but I will try my best. Will you come out?"

Hazel brought her legs tighter to her chest, burying her face between her knees. She wished he'd just go away. It was her fault everything was so awful around here. It was all hers. She always made everything worse.

Petunia was right all along.

"Professor!" the voice of Professor Sprout called out. "What's going on, is Black-"

"There you are," Dumbledore said happily. "Ah, Cuthbert, it has been a long time since we last spoke."

"Indeed it has, Albus," Binns said in his dull tone. "What did you need my assistance for?"

"Miss Potter has found a secret room, it appears," Dumbledore said calmly. "The door disappeared when she entered."

"Why did you cancel classes for-"

"I canceled them for every student, Pomona," Dumbledore said calmly. "We have all been stretched thin, lately, and they have felt it more than the staff have. They are in need of a rest."

"You want me to get the Potter girl?" Binns asked.

"I want you to check on her," Dumbledore corrected. "To make sure she is safe. I do not want you to force her out."

"Albus, what's happening?" Sprout asked, voice full of worry.

"Lily has reached a breaking point, I'm afraid," Dumbledore said. "I will explain to you later. If you would, Cuthbert?"

There was silence. Nobody said a word. It felt like far too long a pause before the next person spoke. Hazel huddled against the wall, praying Binns wouldn't be able to find her.

"No good, Dumbledore," Binns said. "There is no room there. Wall goes out to the outside. I checked around, just to be sure, but there's nothing."

"Interesting," Dumbledore said. "I believe this is the same spot, just a few years ago, where I happened upon a room full of chamber pots. Most interesting."

"Albus, please," Professor Sprout said. "What is-"

"I will have to explain the full details to you later, Pomona, I am sorry," Dumbledore said. "I do not wish for Lily to relive the memories so soon. I do not know if she can hear us. For now, I wish for you watch this spot, in case she comes out. Bring her to me immediately if she does. I will explain the matter to you personally just as soon as I bring the other professors up to speed. I will send one of them to relieve you. Cuthbert, please round up the rest of the ghosts. I want them patrolling the castle in case the passage leads elsewhere. Be as thorough as you must and, most of all, be discreet. It would do her no good for the whole castle to hear of this."

The hall went silent. Hazel didn't care. She just wanted to die. Even so, the thought terrified her. It was something she should have done so long ago. Petunia told her that much every day she lived there.

Hazel squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to remember any of this. She never did. But since the dementors came, she couldn't forget, and it was her fault they were here. It was her fault she was miserable.

She couldn't be happy so long as she was alive. Nobody could. Her mere existence was like a blight upon this world, infecting and corrupting everything it touched. The universe did its best to correct its mistake, trying to end her pathetic excuse for a life, but she clung onto it, always hoping for the best despite the constant disappointment. They'd all be better off without her.

She was a nightmare. She never should have been let out of her cupboard. She should have died in there, in the dark, ignorant of the slightest bit of kindness or joy.

She was so tired.

She looked up after what felt like hours. The room was small, just barely wider than her cupboard, with a bed taking up half of it. Hazel hoisted herself up and curled up on top if it. There was a window, but she didn't think it actually showed the outside. It was snowing peacefully, but there wasn't a single dementor to be seen. She could still feel them, though. She could always feel them.

Hazel didn't know how long she slept. When she opened her eyes, it was midday, but the light wasn't blinding her. It was as if the window dulled it, somehow. She closed her eyes and went back to sleep. She wasn't ready yet.

When she woke, she was very thirsty, although she had no appetite. When she opened her eyes, there was a cup of cold water sitting in front of her. She drank it eagerly, and then set the empty cup back on the windowsill. It was night. She went back to sleep. She wasn't ready yet.

When she woke, she needed to use the facilities. The room was larger. There was a toilet and a shower. She used both, sitting under the warm running water for hours. It was day. People were playing down in the snow below. Dumbledore let them out, to enjoy their time, to laugh and be together. He didn't care to come for her. She went back to sleep. She wasn't ready yet.

She woke up. It was night. She saw dementors out the window, flying over the lake and the trees. She didn't want anything. She went back to sleep. She wasn't ready yet.

She woke up. It was day. Smoke was coming from Hagrid's Hut. She could see his large form sitting on the steps, a small group of people around him. Four of them. She knew them. None of them cared to check on her. She needed water. She drank. She used the loo. She didn't shower. She laid back on the bed. Only Hagrid and a single figure remained. They left into the woods together, not bothering to look back at the castle, where she had a hand placed against the cold glass. She went back to sleep. She wasn't ready yet.

She woke up. It was night. She made up her mind. She was ready, now. She wanted to say goodbye. When she looked up, the room was larger again. There was a desk against the other wall, parchment, quills, and ink provided on top of it. There was even a chair. It wasn't comfortable. She didn't deserve it. She got to work.

It took her hours to find the right words. She couldn't even do that right. For Hermione, she could manage nothing more than "I'm sorry." When she checked the drawers, she found envelopes, and a wax seal for them. The stamp was shaped like a lightning bolt. Cute. She sealed all the letters, and then wrote who each one was intended for. She rubbed at her eyes. She was so tired. She looked out the window. It was day again. She got up from her chair and sat on the bed.

The students were loading into carriages. They were chatting, hugging, and leaving. Hazel hoped Lavender was taking her cat home. She'd hate for him to be stuck at Hogwarts. She wrote another note, just so the staff would know to check for him. Then she decided she wanted to sleep one last time. She went back to bed.

She woke up. It was night again. It was snowing, the flakes hitting against the window. She could hear the wind rattling against the frame. The dementors were closer to the castle. Occasionally, a speck of silver would fly from the grounds, chasing one of them off. Hazel had no idea what that was. She didn't care. She got out of bed. She grabbed her letters. She hoped nobody was outside waiting for her. She wished she still had her cloak. It would have been a small comfort to have it with her, but she wasn't even allowed that much. She opened the door as quietly as she could.

Lupin was out there. He was leaning against the opposite wall, on the ground, sound asleep. He had the Marauder's Map open on his lap. His wand laid next to his hand, on the floor. He must have had it lit before.

Hazel hesitated, her hand shaking, and then she placed the stack of letters on the floor next to him. He'd know what to do with them. She considered taking the map from him, but she wouldn't need it. Hopefully he'd give it to somebody else. Somebody that deserved it more than she did.

Hazel's legs were shaking. She realized she hadn't eaten in days. It didn't matter. She walked as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake Lupin, heading straight for the Astronomy Tower.

Nobody else was up here. The door to the balcony was open, letting the outside weather into the inside. On a normal day, there'd be students, staring up at the sky. They were all gone, now. Home, to families who loved them. Hazel wondered what that felt like.

She looked up at the sky, letting the snow fall on her face. The wind blew around her, her hair billowing in it, and it chilled her to the bone. There wasn't a star to be seen. Too many clouds. She took in a shaky breath. The cold air hurt her lungs. Hazel realized her Gwenog Jones robe was still laying on her bed, back at the Burrow. She hoped the Weasleys would give it to Ginny. She deserved it more than Hazel did.

Hazel walked onto the balcony. Despite the snow, it felt unnaturally warm. The air only hurt when she breathed in. Now that she thought about it, the Astronomy Tower always felt nice, always the perfect temperature. She would have liked to know why that was, in the past.

It didn't matter anymore. She leaned against the railing, trailing a finger through the soft snow. The moon came out, the overcast parting ways to give her one last wondrous sight. The dementors kept trying to fight their way forward. Hazel saw several people patrolling along the edge. Occasionally, a bright silver would fly from their wands, and the dementors would fall back. Hazel didn't know why they bothered. She could still feel them. She always felt them.

Hazel took another deep breath. She didn't expect to feel so scared. She thought she'd be at peace, for once in her bloody life. She wanted to go back to the room, but she didn't know if she could find it again. She didn't know how she did it the first time. And the last thing she wanted was to run into somebody, to be forced back down to the common room, to go back to the daily torture and agony. She rubbed at her pulsing knee.

She couldn't go back to everything else. She couldn't do it anymore.

Hazel slid one leg over, her bad one, first. She sat on the railing, both legs dangling over the edge. The lake was beautiful during winter nights. The moon shimmered on the ice, making the whole of the castle grounds seem like an enchanted wonderland. As she watched, the clouds covered the silver satellite above once more, casting the world back in darkness. Hazel shivered, her teeth clattering together. Whatever gave the Astronomy Tower its warmth, it didn't work over the edge. Her legs were freezing.

Hazel took a deep breath. It was now or never.

All she had to do was one, little push. She closed her eyes, listening to the rapid beating of her heart and the whistling of the harsh wind as it tried to do her job for her.

She heard a scrambling behind her, and Lupin ran out of the door to the classroom. He came to a hard stop against the railing, breathing hard, looking around, and then he ran towards her, coming to a stop a few metres away.

"Lily," he said, "Please, don't-"

"It's Hazel," she said quietly. Lupin had the map in one hand. He didn't have his wand in the other. He either dropped it or he had it tucked away. It didn't matter. He was holding her letters, instead.

"Hazel," he said out of relief. "Hazel, just come with me, please. We can-"

"I can't take it anymore, Professor," she said. She was too tired to cry. "I just want it to be over."

"You don't have to do this," Lupin said.

"You lied to me," Hazel said. "Weeks ago. You said things got better. They didn't."

"Thing always get better, Hazel," Lupin said. "They get worse, too, at times. But they always get better."

"I don't want them to get worse," Hazel said. "I can't take any worse than this. Did I tell you how I got my injury?"

"No," Lupin said eagerly. "No, you didn't. How did it happen?"

"Quidditch practice," Hazel said. She knocked on her knee with her hand. It hurt. "Montague told me he'd kill me if I cost them the game. I did. Two bludgers hit me during practice. I deserved it. I was supposed to- I- they were trying to cheat, and I- I wanted to stop them. They left me there. I woke up hours later, covered in snow."
"We can fix it, Hazel," Lupin said desperately. "We'll talk to Dumbledore, and he'll-"

"My skull was broken," Hazel said, running a hand through her greasy, matted hair. "It had to be. Hermione said I was- was covered in blood. But it wasn't broken when I woke up, Professor. Somebody fixed it, and they still left me there."

"We'll figure it out, Hazel, I promise," Lupin said. "And we'll make sure the team is punished, too. I swear it to you."

"What do you think the rest of the House will do when we can't play in the next game because of me?" Hazel asked. "They're already doing- doing- What will happen when Montague is banned? When Bole and Derrick are?"

"I don't know," Lupin admitted. "But what I do know is that you won't have to deal with it alone."

Hazel shook her head. "Who's going to-"

"I will," Lupin said, tapping his chest. "I won't leave you alone again, Hazel, I promise. And it won't just be me. Every day, since you ran off, your friends have come to me, asking how they can help."

Hazel shook her head. "They don't-"

"Hermione," Lupin said, taking a step forward. "Ron. Neville. Katie." Lupin took a step with each name. "Sae. Fred. George. Ginny. Lavender. They all came to me, Hazel. They all saw you running, they saw me chasing after you. They love you. They want to help you."

Hazel shook her head again. "Sae doesn't- She- You don't know what she did, Professor, she-"

"I do know," Lupin said. "She told me, Hazel. She told Snape, McGonagall, even Dumbledore, when she was brought to him. She told us everything. I promise you, we're doing our best to punish those responsible. You don't have to forgive her, either, but she's worried about you. We all are."

Hazel stared off at the lake. The clouds were clearing slightly, the moon poking through again. The snow all reflected the light, illuminating their surroundings. Her eyes trailed off to the edge of the grounds, watching the cloaked figures fight their way forward.

"The dementors," Lupin continued. "That's why you've been feeling so lousy, Hazel. They make everything worse. Everybody has been taking their own feelings out on you. Dumbledore never wanted them at the school. He's driven them off, now. He won't allow them back. Things will be better."

Hazel shook her head. They'd just be back, and he knew it, too.

"Black will be found, Hazel, I promise," Lupin said. "But you are our priority. Tell me what I can do to help, and I'll do it."

"Leave me alone," Hazel said angrily. "That's- that's all I want. I just want everybody to leave me alone."

"I can't do that," Lupin said. "You aren't alone, Hazel. You don't have to be. I am sorry about what has happened to you. There is nothing I wouldn't give to go back and fix it. Nothing."

"Why didn't you check in on me?" Hazel asked. Somehow, she found more tears. She wiped them away. "Why didn't any of you?"

"Hazel-"

"Everyday I dreamed, I prayed, that somebody would come rescue me, that they'd- they'd get me out," Hazel said. "But nobody ever did. I had to do it myself. And then I- I thought everything would be fine, but it's worse. The Dursleys, when they locked me up, I was alone, I- I thought it was bad but- but I didn't know. Here, I can't get away from any of them, no matter how hard I try, there's always more. I just want to be done."

"I understand, Hazel," Lupin said. "I understand more than you know. I wasn't happy, either, even when I thought I had friends. I wasn't happy until your father found out the truth. When he stuck by me anyway, when he treated me like family."

"I want that," Hazel said quietly.

"You do have it," Lupin said. "I promise you, Hazel, you do. You have people that love you. I know it's hard to see now, believe me. When I was your age, even after your father told me, even after they all promised not to say a word, I didn't fully trust them, not for a year, and even when I did, the doubts still came back. Every day, now, I wish I could go back, that I could tell him- them- how much they mean to me, before it became too late. If I had, maybe- maybe things could have turned out differently."

"Maybe," Hazel mumbled.

"Come down, Hazel," Lupin said. He put a hand on her shoulder. She didn't realize he'd gotten that close. "Don't let your friends make the same mistake I did. Give them the chance to tell you."

Lupin didn't try to pull her back. He just kept his hand on her shoulder. He wasn't even holding in her place. One push, and she'd be out of his grasp. She stared down to the ground, wishing she just had the willpower to get it over with.

She couldn't do this anymore. It'd be so much easier if she was- she didn't want to be-

"Please," Lupin said. "Come down."

Hazel swallowed hard, wiped her face, and then pulled one of her legs back over the ledge. Lupin's face lit up in relief, and Hazel felt her own face crumple as she swung her other leg over.

"Thank you," Lupin said as he pulled a sobbing girl into his arms. "Thank you, Hazel. Thank you."