"You both have everything?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
"Too late for that, mum," Ron said. They were already pushing their trunks across Platform 9 ¾, searching for an empty compartment to put their things into. Ginny, the twins, and Percy already left them, having found a spot of their own.
"Still have your badge, dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked, fussing over a loose strand of Lily's hair.
"She's wearing it," Ron said, rolling his eyes.
She was, as a matter of fact. It was pinned proudly to her Weasley sweater. She'd already caught a few people gawking at it. She was surprised how well she was hiding her nerves.
"This one is empty," she said, pulling her trunk to a stop. There wasn't even a sleeping professor in it.
"Yeah," Ron agreed, pointing ahead, "But Hermione is waving us down from that one."
"Right," Lily said, forcing her heavy cart to move again. It was hard going, when she was also forced to juggle her cane in one hand. She didn't need it, but Mrs. Weasley insisted she carried it until Madame Pomfrey gave her the go ahead.
"Right," Mrs. Weasley said as they approached the car. "You two be good, then, and don't let me get any more letters from school, understand?"
"Yes, mum," Ron said.
"That goes for you too, Lily," Mrs. Weasley said sternly. "You've got Prefect powers, now, don't go-"
"That's right!" Lily said, her face breaking into a grin, "I do! Oh, just wait until Malfoy hears about-"
"Do not go abusing it, Lily," Mrs. Weasley finished. "It's a great privilege for a third year to get this position, and I don't want it taken away from you."
"I'd like to see them try," Lily said confidently.
"Write home if you need anything, anything at all," Mrs. Weasley said. "And don't forget to keep up with your studies, both of you, your marks were dropping too, Ron."
"Yeah, in Arithmancy and Divination," Ron said. "I dropped them, mum, you already-"
"You could use some work in Transfiguration and Potions, too, dear," Mrs. Weasley said sternly. "And you, Lily, you-"
"Everything, yeah, I know," Lily grumbled. Her marks were well below average now. "I've got it, thanks."
"I was going to say be careful," Mrs. Weasley said. "The dementors will be near Hogsmeade."
"I've got it covered, thanks," Lily said, feeling embarrassed.
"Ron, you make sure you're there if she needs somebody."
"Yes, mum."
"And Lily, you write home immediately if you need help, Arthur and I will-"
"I know," Lily said, feeling embarrassed and not wanting any nearby people to overhear. "Thanks, Mrs. Weasley, really. I- err-"
She didn't know how to put into words how much the offer meant to her.
Mrs. Weasley threw them into one last, tight hug, and then Ron hopped up to get both of their trunks inside. Mrs. Weasley wandered off to see to the rest of the children as Lily pushed hers in. She could have sworn the older woman was wiping away tears. She hopped up after her things, unable to stop the smile on her face at the sight of Hermione and Neville.
Despite everything, it felt so good to see them.
"Have a good Holiday?" she said. She didn't receive an answer, at first. Hermione was too busy pulling her into their tightest hug yet.
"I missed you," Hermione said.
"Got my present, then?" Lily asked. "What about you, Neville?"
"Where did you get Gillyweed seeds?" Neville asked.
"Same place I get everything else," Lily said. "Plant them yet?"
"Can't until the summer," Neville said. "They have to be planted in warm water. Natural stuff, can't do it with magic. They can be transferred later. Mermaids like to plant the stuff in the shallows, then take it deeper once it's-"
"Save us the lecture, Neville," Ron said, yawning.
"Ah, let him go," Lily said, sitting next to Hermione (she didn't get much choice; Hermione pulled her down). "Go on, Nev, I like it when you get excited over something."
"Well, maybe I shouldn't," Neville said, his cheeks red.
"Now look what you've done, Ron," Lily said.
"Sorry," Ron said, "But I can only handle so much, Lily, and you never stopped gabbing once over the break, did you?"
"You're the one who kept asking questions! You can do your Potions essay by yourself, next time."
"Good luck with History of Magic, then," Ron said. "Last time I let you copy my notes."
"Fat load of good they did me," Lily said. "I had to write to Hermione for hers, you wrote one whole sentence on Hurdy Gurdy's discovery of-"
"Look, mate," Ron said, "I told you a thousand times, I don't give a damn about Hurdy Gurdy, they can Hurdy Gurdy go-"
"Ronald!" Hermione said in an offended tone.
"You know, Ron," Lily said. "You should probably watch what you say, I do have Prefect abilities now."
"What?" Hermione and Neville said at once. Ron laughed, and Lily tapped the badge on her chest.
"When did you get that?" Neville asked.
"Oh, congratulations!" Hermione said, throwing Lily into another hug.
"They sent it to me over the break," Lily said. "Pucey and I are the only ones left, and he refused it, so it was me or nothing. I don't know if I'll keep it long, though."
"Well, you won't if you keep going around threatening people," Ron said.
"Not what I meant," Lily said. "But- err- maybe now isn't the time for it."
"What's wrong, Lily?" Hermione asked.
"Nothing," Lily lied.
Hermione squinted her eyes at Lily, and she looked away, pretending to be interested in what Ron was saying about the Chudley Cannons. It only took a few seconds for Hermione to ruin that all and speak up.
"Ron, do you think you could give us some privacy?" she said. "We have some things to catch up on."
"What?" Ron said, sounding as if he believed she was joking. "Train isn't even moving yet, can't you wait an hour, at least?"
"No," Hermione said bossily.
"Come on, Ron," Neville said, standing first.
"Neville, you can't possibly want to leave!"
"Let's just go, mate," Neville said.
"Fine," Ron grumbled, standing to follow him out of the compartment. "You owe me a turn on that Firebolt, though, Lily."
Lily said nothing to that. She really didn't want them to leave. Just as soon as the door was closed behind them, the train began rolling off. Hermione stood and closed the blinds to allow them some privacy and then cast a charm on the door to keep it closed. Lily really didn't like that.
Hermione sat down across from Lily, her arms crossed in her best attempt to look confident and in charge.
"Well?" she said expectantly.
"Well, what?" Lily said.
"We have hours, Lily," Hermione said, crossing her legs, too. "You'll have to talk, eventually."
"I can sit here in silence all the way to Hogwarts, Hermione," Lily said.
"I saw you running away, Lily," Hermione said. "Right before the Holidays. What happened?"
"Nothing," Lily lied. "I had a bad day, is all."
"Bad enough to keep you hidden for a week?" Hermione asked.
"A really bad day. Can I go get Ron, now?"
"No," Hermione said.
"I really need Ron," Lily said, trying to swallow down the fear she was feeling. She hoped Hermione couldn't see her shaking hands.
"I think you owe me this much, Lily," Hermione said firmly.
"I don't owe you anything," Lily snapped. "None of you were there, none of you- can I please get Ron?"
"You were the one avoiding us, Lily," Hermione said. "How were we supposed to know you were having a hard time if you wouldn't tell us?"
"You have eyes, don't you?" Lily said, fighting every urge in her body to run away. "You saw me running, didn't you? You saw everything and not once did any of you do anything."
"Lily-"
"It's fine," Lily said, taking a deep breath. "Nobody ever helps me. I'm over it now."
"What is wrong with you?" Hermione said rudely. Lily looked up, blinking in surprise. "Lily, you can't keep doing this to yourself. I want to help you! But you need to tell me what's wrong."
"I'm fine now," Lily said.
"No, you aren't," Hermione said. "I can see that much, Lily. Professor Lupin told us how the dementors were affecting you, Lily. He asked us to look out for you when we saw you again. Please, just tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," Lily said quietly.
"Why?" Hermione asked.
"I just can't," Lily said with a shrug. "Every time I try, it's like- like my throat clamps up. I can't get the words out."
"What if I ask some questions?" Hermione said. "You can try to answer them. I'll just ask something else if you can't."
Lily shrugged. That was what Lupin kept doing. She just didn't want to go through it with Hermione, too, but she saw no way out of it. If she ran, she had the feeling Hermione would never speak to her again. She couldn't take that risk, even though every cell in her body was telling her to do so.
"Slytherin," Hermione said simply. "It's bad, isn't it?"
Lily just nodded.
"What are they doing to you, Lily?"
"Whatever they want," Lily said with a shrug.
"Why were you out past curfew when Black broke in?"
"I couldn't sleep in the common room anymore," Lily said. Her heart was beating quickly in her chest, even though these felt like the easiest questions Hermione could ask.
"Why?"
Lily shook her head. It was bad enough the staff knew. She couldn't bear anybody else knowing.
"Lily," Hermione said carefully, "There's something that's been bothering me, ever since the summer."
Lily shook her head again. She already knew what this was about.
"You ran away when we were at the store," Hermione said, continuing despite the danger. "When you saw those people. Mum wouldn't tell me why you ran out of the office, but when they were talking to the Minister, it sounded like they were the same people."
"Please, don't," Lily said quietly.
"Who were they, Lily?"
"I thought I didn't have to talk if I didn't want to."
"Please, Lily," Hermione said. She leaned forward and placed a hand on one of Lily's knees. Lily looked up, staring into her brown eyes.
"I don't talk about them," Lily whispered. "I'm not supposed to."
"Why?"
"Because they told me I couldn't," Lily said. She felt ashamed of herself and lowered her gaze so Hermione couldn't look at her as if she cared.
"Who are they, Lily?"
Lily just shook her head again.
"You used to live with them, didn't you?" Hermione said. "Last year, you said you used to live in Surrey, even though Neville lives in-"
"Please," Lily said, shaking her head faster. Her head was pounding in pain. She could almost hear Petunia shouting at her.
"Who are they, Lily?" Hermione repeated more firmly.
Lily was silent for a long time. She could hear people moving in the hallway, chatting and laughing with each other, completely unaware of the misery emanating from the very depths of her soul.
"My aunt and uncle," Lily finally said.
"I thought you had no family?" Hermione said. "Wasn't that why you were staying with the Longbottoms?"
"No," Lily said, trying to get more out quickly while she still could. Her head felt like it might split open if she didn't relieve the pressure. "I was with them until- until I was eleven. Then I left."
"You were only with Neville for a few weeks," Hermione said in understanding. "That's why you didn't want to sit together, you hardly knew each other!"
"We spoke three or four times before I ran into you," Lily said, shifting in her seat nervously. She glanced up quickly. Hermione chewed at her thumb while she thought. Lily didn't know if saying this next part would help her any. It wasn't something she was exactly keeping secret, but it still wasn't something she'd ever voiced.
But she really needed to get Hermione off of this topic before she took it any further.
"You were my first friend," she said, her hands wringing together.
"Really?" Hermione asked in surprise, one hand going to cover her mouth. Lily managed to smile at that. Hermione hated her large front teeth, but Lily always loved them.
"I didn't know how to react when you wanted to sit with me," Lily said. "Nobody ever wanted to be around me before." It felt good to say that, even though she knew it shouldn't. "When you hugged me after- after the troll, that was the first one I'd ever gotten. And I- I still couldn't-"
She still couldn't bring herself to ask for help. She felt disgusted with herself all over again.
Hermione looked shocked, as if she never expected Lily to say any of these. Her hand wasn't even covering her mouth this time.
"Sorry," Lily said, fighting the urge to run away again. She stared down at her feet. She knew she should have kept her mouth shut. Somebody was trying to get the door to the compartment open, but they gave it up as a bad job and walked away.
Hermione stood and, for half a moment, Lily thought it was over, that Hermione was leaving her. Instead, she stood on her seat and pulled her trunk down, riffling through it in a frenzied search. Lily said nothing. She was too scared to trust her stupid mouth.
Hermione made a noise when she found what she was looking for and then sat next to Lily, pressed as close as she could, and showed her a bundle of photographs.
"I meant to give these to you earlier, but I forgot," Hermione said. Hermione leaned even closer, trying to give Lily a better look. Lily placed a shaking hand on one of them, running a thumb over her smiling face.
She didn't remember there being a camera during any of these moments. Most of the events picture weren't even important. The one she was holding was of herself, tucked away in a corner of her house with her sketchbook and scratching at her nose with a charcoal pencil. Another was of her staring at her birthday cake, unbelieving, with Hermione sitting across from her and smiling happily at the photographer. Another was her laying on the couch, napping with a small blanket pulled up to her chin, her body curled in a ball. That one had Lily and Hermione sitting together in front of her telly, playing a game together. Lily's face was scrunched up in concentration. Hermione was looking at the camera again, eyes rolling in disapproval.
"My dad already made copies of all of them," Hermione said after a long pause.
"I can have them?" Lily asked, her voice surprisingly thick. Hermione nodded at her. "Why?"
"I never had any friends before you either," Hermione admitted. "Dad was teasing me about it all summer, whenever you weren't around. That's why he took all these. He didn't have any of somebody else in our house."
Lily took the photos fully in her hands. She couldn't take her eyes away from them. They weren't moving (being fully Muggle-made), but they were just as precious to her as the ones her parents left behind.
"I never apologized for second year," Hermione said, suddenly sounding nervous herself. "For everything I did. I'm sorry I took your cloak, Lily, and I'm sorry I was ignoring you. Tom had me convinced I was doing the right thing."
Lily just nodded. She understood. Hermione slipped an arm around her shoulders, her head resting against Lily's nearest one. Lily felt like she didn't deserve it. She felt like she didn't deserve any of this.
Hermione should hate her. Lily closed her eyes.
"I was running because I wished you were dead," Lily said, her voice strained. "If you were dead, if I- if I didn't go into the Chamber, I- I wouldn't be in S-Slytherin."
It didn't make her feel any better to say it. Lupin was wrong. Hermione took her head off of Lily, and she waited for the other girl to get angry, to tell her everything she deserved to hear.
"Lily," Hermione said softly, removing her arm from her shoulders.
Tears managed to find their way out through Lily's squeezed eyelids, despite her best efforts.
"Lupin t-told me about your b-boggart," Lily said, deciding to go all the way. "And I- I s-still w-wanted it. I'm so sorry. I j-just wanted to see y-you before I- before I- I was going to-"
Just say it, you coward.
"I was going to kill myself," Lily said quietly. "I just wanted to s-say sorry first."
Lily kept her eyes closed, wishing Hermione would just leave already. She couldn't bear to look, to see the look of disgust Hermione would be wearing. It'd be easier if she just left here alone, to wallow in her misery for the hours it would take to get to Hogwarts. She deserved nothing less.
"It was my fault," Hermione said instead. "I shouldn't have trusted Tom. When you promised to write during the summer, I was- I was happy. You were my first friend, too, and I was stupid. We had one silly little fight and I just- I didn't know how to handle it. But you promised, and- and mum and dad said I could invite you over just as soon as I heard from you.
"But your letter never came. I tried writing to you, instead, but Hedwig never brought anything back. I thought that- that you changed your mind, after all. I wasn't taking it well, to be honest. Hardly left my room. But then I found Tom, right in my stack of books. It was stupid of me. I knew we didn't purchase it. I picked out everything myself. But, I- I thought that Mum might have snuck it in, just to give me something talk to.
"But once he started talking back, I should have known. The first time, I panicked, and I hid it under my bed. But the next day, both of them were at the office, and I- I was just so- I was lonely. I just wanted somebody to talk to. Tom listened to everything I said, and he told me everything I was already thinking, but that I didn't want to believe. He made you think that you wanted nothing to do with me, so I- I gave up.
"But you kept being so friendly, even after I was so mean. And Lavender and Parvati never talk to me, so- so I started thinking he might have been wrong, that maybe you weren't lying. Then, I- I wanted to return your cloak, but Tom convinced me that you'd h-hate me if I did, so I started avoiding you just so you wouldn't find out. By the time I finally got over it, I already trusted Tom with- with everything, really, so when you suspected him, I lost it.
"When you went to go tell Dumbledore, I was angry. I wrote to him, asking what I was supposed to do, and he- he wanted me to- to stop you. He told me how to cast the- a spell, and he told me to go after you. He sounded so urgent, that I realized you were right. It was stupid, but I told him what I thought, and that I was going to go after you to help and he- he already had me. He took control.
"He had my wand at the ready, waiting for you to bring Dumbledore. When you came back alone, and you didn't seem to remember anything, Tom realized what had happened before you ever could. He taunted me about it every night. By this time, I c-could h-hear his voice in my- my head. It's his laughter that- that I can still hear.
"I kept trying to- to tell you. I needed you to remember. Tom had control most of the time, but if I really focused, I could get control for just a few minutes. I thought I had it when you were coming with me to the bathroom, but he- he gave you back the cloak. I could tell it was over right there. I knew you hated me, and I deserved every bit of it. When he brought me into the Chamber at the end, I thought it was over. He kept telling me that nobody would ever find my body. That he was going to kill you first, and he'd do it with my wand.
"And then I woke up, and you were there. You saved me, after everything I did. You apologized to me, and I- I couldn't do anything to- to help you. I thought you died, right there, in my arms, and all because I was too stupid to trust you. I- I still have n-nightmares about it. About you, dying in my arms all over again, except- except this time, you do hate me. And even after all that, I still didn't look after you. I'm sorry, Lily. It's all my fault."
After she was done speaking, she put both arms back around Lily's shoulders, her head burying itself into the crook of her neck. Lily could feel her wet cheeks against her bare skin. Lily wanted to say something, but she just couldn't find any words. She still couldn't bring herself to even look at Hermione.
"You should talk to Professor Dumbledore," Hermione said after what felt like ages. "He could help you, Lily."
Lily hesitated for a moment and then, finally, opened her eyes. Hermione was staring up at her from her shoulder, her face now dry, although her eyes were still puffy. The other girl absolutely refused to remove her arms from around Lily's body.
"He wants me to talk to the Sorting Hat again," Lily said, her voice hoarse.
"Why?" Hermione asked, squeezing her a little tighter.
"The Hat said it would consider one more resorting," Lily said. She finally moved one of her own arms behind Hermione's back, resting her head against Hermione's. She knew what conversation was coming up, and while she didn't want to have it in the slightest, after what Hermione shared, Lily felt like she deserved at least that much.
"That's great!" Hermione said, her voice alighting with hope. "You could come back to Gryffindor!"
"I don't want to," Lily said, shaking her head.
"Why wouldn't you-"
"I'm leaving Hogwarts," Lily said, shutting her eyes again. "Once term is over, Dumbledore said he'd help me find another school."
"My parents wanted me to switch," Hermione said. "That's why we went to France over the summer. They wanted me to see Beauxbatons, they thought it'd convince me."
"You should have," Lily said.
"I didn't want to leave you," Hermione admitted. "If you were at Hogwarts, I wanted to be there with you."
"What are you saying?" Lily asked. Her heart was beating quickly, even though she knew she shouldn't get her hopes up.
"If you leave, I'll go with you," Hermione said. "I promise, Lily, I won't let you be alone this time."
"You can't be with me in Slytherin, Hermione," Lily said.
"I'll figure something out," Hermione said.
Lily couldn't remember much after that. Their conversation completely drained her, and, at some point, she fell asleep, her head laying in Hermione's lap. When she woke, Ron and Neville were back in the compartment, happily chatting once more about the Chudley Cannons. Hermione was solemn, writing away on a long scroll. Lily left her to it, joining the boy's conversation (albeit changing the topic to the Harpies). She felt like her heart wasn't quite in it, but she needed the levity.
When they arrived at Hogwarts, it was time for supper, and most of the students funneled into the Great Hall. Lily didn't really have much of an appetite, but with Hermione's eyes watching her, she took a deep breath and approached the Slytherin table, trying to ignore all the staring. There was only one person she could bring herself to sit near.
"Bring your broom, Sae?" Lily asked as she piled food onto her plate, trying to sound more confident than she felt.
"We're talking again, are we?" Sae asked. She poked at her own food. That didn't help Lily's façade any.
"Yes," Lily said. She took a bite of her food and cleared her throat, trying to sound more friendly. She needed a win, here. "Did you bring your broom?"
"Yes," Sae said. "But I don't know- hold on, where did you- are you Quidditch Captain?"
Lily followed Sae's line of sight towards her robe, where her badge was pinned.
"Yes," she said. "And welcome to the team. No need to try out."
"Potter, I don't want to-"
"Lily," Lily corrected.
"I thought you-"
"As far as I'm concerned, Sae," Lily said, swallowing a bite of fish, "You and I are on a blank slate. If you'd like to get on my good side, then welcome to the team. If not, well, I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to impress me later."
Sae sat there, frozen, fork hovering over her plate.
"Are you serious?" she said.
"Yes," Lily confirmed.
"I'm nowhere near as good as my sister," Sae said.
"But you can fly?"
"Better than the rest of our year, sure," Sae said. "Well, maybe not Ginny, but I can keep pace well enough."
"What do you fly?"
"Nimbus 1709," she said. "Last broom before the 2000 series launched."
"Is it any good?" Lily asked.
"Better than the Cleansweeps most of Hufflepuff is still flying," Sae said. "There's a reason Nimbus was the best before the Firebolt released."
"Speaking of which," Lily said, piling seconds onto her plate, "That's what I'll be flying."
"You're joking."
"I'll show you when we get back to the common room," Lily said. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
"Where did you get one?" Sae asked.
"Bought it," Lily said, continuing the lie. "Thought I deserved something nice after the ruddy year I had."
"Sorry," Sae said sadly, her eyes flickering down to her plate.
"Blank slate, Sae. We're not talking about it."
Sae lifted her fork slowly, then took a bite, seeming much more cheerful.
"All right, Gryffindor," she said. "I'll fly on your little team. Who else is on it?"
"You, me, and Pucey," Lily said. "Everybody else quit or was kicked off by Snape."
"No chance at the cup, then?"
Lily shrugged. That was the last thing she cared about. She just wanted to do well enough to keep the House off her back. "I've got a Firebolt. I think our only chance is if I can catch the Snitch before anybody else can score."
"That relies on the other teams playing miserably when not against us," Sae pointed out.
"And playing like rubbish against us, yes," Lily said. "I didn't say it was a good chance."
"When are tryouts?" Sae asked.
"No clue, I'll have to talk to Snape about arranging them." Another thing she absolutely did not want to do. "We'll need to book the pitch. Assuming anybody even shows up."
"They'll show," Sae said assuredly. "They might hate you, but too many of them really want to play. They won't turn down the chance."
"We'll see," Lily said, piling thirds onto her plate.
"I see your appetite has returned."
"I'm a growing girl."
"You're looking healthier, too," Sae said. She moved a lock of hair out of Lily's face. Lily ignored the feelings that gave her. Despite her word, she hadn't quite forgiven Sae. She'd still need to find some way to make up for everything.
"It helps to be away from the dementors," Lily said. "Speaking of which, want to pass me that cocoa?"
"What's up with the cane, anyway?" Sae said as she poured for Lily. Lily drank deeply before answering.
"Why do you think most of the Quidditch team is gone?" she said, wiping her lips before resuming her meal. "Bastards nearly crippled me."
"That definitely answers some questions," Sae said. She finally finished her first plate of food and set her utensils down, waiting for Lily to finish.
"You can go on ahead," Lily said. "I'm supposed to go see Pomfrey as soon as I'm done. She's got to give me the all clear before I can fly again."
Sae cleared her throat. "I don't suppose you still- err- want to bunk together?"
"I thought we were stuck with it," Lily said.
"New term," Sae said. "We can choose new beds. We have to summon our trunks again, don't we? We both took them home."
"What happens to people who stay at school?" Lily asked.
"They're still stuck with what they have," Sae said.
"Save me a spot, then," Lily said. Bunking with anybody else was too much of a risk. She might be leaving once they got to the summer, but that didn't mean she wanted to be miserable the entire time.
"Well, when you eat like that, I can't say I blame them."
"Eat like what?" Lily asked in an offended tone.
"Like a Gryffindor, I suppose," Sae said, eyeing Ron gorging himself on similar amounts of food.
"Yeah, well," Lily said, "I'm done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've got privileges, now."
"Snape's going to regret giving you that badge, isn't he?"
"Absolutely."
Lily took her time finishing off her meal, making sure to gross out as many people as she possibly could. The other third year girls kept shooting her looks of disgust, and she kept sending back smiles. One of the side effects of her potions and exercises was that she was constantly hungry. Even Ron was having trouble keeping up with her, lately. Finally, though, she filled the void, however temporary, and made for the Entrance Hall.
Before she could fully make it out the doors, though, Malfoy called for her from behind, and she turned to face him with a smile.
"What is it, Malfoy?"
"Surprised you came back, Heiry," Malfoy said. "Thought you would-"
"Two points from Slytherin," Lily said happily. "Keep it up, and it'll be a detention next."
"What are you-"
Malfoy's eyes snapped to the badge, and his face widened in horror. Lily tapped on it just for added effect, feeling smug.
"We'll see what father has to say about this," Malfoy said, his face flushing in anger.
"Sure," Lily said. "In the meantime, you're going to come to Quidditch tryouts just as soon as I arrange them."
"Not a chance, Potter, I'd rather-"
"Suit yourself, Malfoy," Lily said with a shrug. "But you're not a bad flyer, and we both know you want to play. I'll just pick someone else. Maybe somebody who's not such a tremendous berk."
Lily walked off, feeling satisfied with herself. She didn't actually want Malfoy to come, but she hoped making the offer would throw him off enough to give her a few weeks of peace. She was sure he'd go back to taunting her just as soon as he could find a way around her new authority.
"Your leg hurting at all?" Hermione asked as she fell into step with Lily. Lily wondered when she left the Great Hall; she never noticed it happen.
"Not even a bit," Lily said, twirling her cane. She almost dropped it, but that made Hermione laugh, which made her feel good. They hit the first floor before Hermione said something else.
"You want to meet up for breakfast tomorrow?"
"Sure," Lily said with a shrug. "We'll have to take it outside, though. Or you can meet me in the kitchens, if you want."
"I don't think that'll be necessary," Hermione said with a smile.
"We'll eat in the hallway, then," Lily said. They reached the second floor. Lily wasn't panting even slightly. That was a definite improvement.
"Where are you heading to?" Hermione asked.
"You followed me without questioning it?"
"I just asked!"
"Hospital Wing," Lily said. "Pomfrey needs to give me the all clear before I can play Quidditch again."
"You sure you want to play?" Hermione asked. They were on the third floor now.
"I still love flying, Hermione," Lily said. "I decided that much over the break."
"Just be careful, all right?"
Lily just smiled. She had plans forming in her mind, and one of them involved being careful. They passed the fourth floor in silence, and when they reached the fifth, it was time for Lily to turn off and for Hermione to head to her dorm alone.
"You want to wait for me?" Lily asked, thumbing behind towards the Hospital Wing doors. "I'll walk you up to the common room, there's a shortcut I can take that goes straight down to the dungeons." She also still had to meet with a certain somebody, but she was going to keep that a secret.
"I think it best if I get this over with," Hermione said. "I have no idea how long this will take."
"Get it over with?" Lily asked.
"Nothing," Hermione said with a sly smile. "I'll see you in a bit."
"See you tomorrow, then," Lily said quietly as Hermione continued up the stairs.
"Well, Potter, everything seems in order," Pomfrey said, sounding satisfied.
"Is that all?" Lily asked. She'd only been here for five minutes.
"That's all," Pomfrey confirmed. "Keep that cane on you, even if you just shrink it into your pocket. If your knee ever hurts that badly again, you're to immediately rest and send for me. If that's impossible, you may walk, using the cane, only until you find somebody who can call for me."
"And the potions?" Lily asked.
"Your progress has been much faster than I expected," Pomfrey said. "Where did you buy your potions from?"
"Made them myself!" Lily said proudly.
"Well, you've done brilliant work then, Potter," Pomfrey said. "I doubt Snape could have done the same. I think we'll knock you down to once every two weeks. You let me know if an ache sets in, and we'll go from there."
"I can go now?" Lily asked.
"You can go now," Pomfrey said.
"And I can go back to flying?"
"Yes," Pomfrey said, no longer as pleased. "But do try and be careful, Potter, it wouldn't be good to injure yourself again so soon."
Lily hurried off before Pomfrey could change her mind, shrinking her cane as she walked. It fit very snugly into her pocket, but she did kind of miss having it in her hand. She still slightly leaned onto that side since she was so used to walking with it. She hoped she'd get over it soon. She jogged up the stairs eagerly, smiling pleasantly at anybody she passed, feeling wonderful even despite the proximity of the dementors.
She did wonder how long this feeling of peace would last before giving into the cold again.
It didn't take long at all to reach the seventh floor, and then she was running up the steps of the Astronomy Tower, her heart pumping quickly for reasons other than her pace. She paused before exiting to the balcony, taking a moment to steady her nerves and make herself a bit more presentable. She tried to ignore the fear settling in her stomach.
"We're fine," Lily told herself. "We're normal. Just stop thinking about it." She walked through the door into the outside balcony.
"There you are!" Katie said immediately, hopping up from her seat on the ground. "I was starting to wonder if you'd ever leave the table."
"You look brilliant," Lily said stupidly, unable to rid herself of her smile. Katie raised an eyebrow at her, but she seemed to enjoy the compliment.
"Thanks," she said. "Err- did you have a good Holiday?"
"Best yet, actually," Lily said, genuinely meaning it. She just hoped Katie wouldn't ask for specifics. She joined Katie in leaning against the balcony's rail, trying hard not to think about what she'd almost done.
"That's good," Katie said. "You're looking a lot better. Don't have those dark rings around your eyes."
"Helps that I got back to eating, too," Lily said. Katie moved one of her hands closer to Lily's, and Lily squirmed away.
"I saw you wolfing down all that fish," Katie said, moving some hair from her face. "Say, why didn't you tell me you made Quidditch Captain?"
"Didn't cross my mind," Lily admitted. "It all happened very quickly. Team went down to two members, I just got it up to three, and now I need to hold tryouts. It's going to be a nightmare. How was your Holiday?"
"Not as great," Katie said, scratching at a loose bit of stone. "Mum and dad went abroad, so I was stuck home alone. Wasn't a very fun Christmas."
"You should come to the Burrow next year," Lily said far too quickly. "I'd- err- the Weasleys would love to have you."
"I'll try," Katie said. "But they never really let me do much of anything. Christmas is supposed to be about family, even if they leave me out."
"I'm sorry, Katie," Lily said, trying very hard not to let her memories of the Dursleys ruin this moment. "Hey, I got you something. I meant to send it to you, but when you wrote me, I figured I'd save it for later."
"Is that right?" Katie said with a bright smile. Lily loved how pretty it made her.
Normal, she reminded herself.
"It's not much," Lily said, digging into her robes, "but I thought you might like it." She held out the small container, and Katie took it from her sweaty palms. She opened it, and then her smile grew wider.
"I love them," she said, immediately attaching one of the bell-shaped earrings to herself. "A bit cheeky, though, don't you think?"
"Yeah, well," Lily said, a hand playing with her own earring, "I go around wearing a lightning bolt, don't I?"
"Speaking of which," Katie said, digging into her own robes, "I think you're going to find this very funny."
"Why's that?" Lily asked.
"Because you and I had the same idea," Katie said, producing a single, ruby, lightning shaped earring.
"You didn't!" Lily said, taking it from her gladly. "I looked all over Diagon for one, but I couldn't find a replacement. Where'd you get this?"
"It isn't a replacement," Katie said happily. "Fourth years learn summoning in Charms. I asked Hagrid to take me where you lost it, and we spent an hour walking around until it finally came at me." Lily paused with her hands next to her ear. "Go ahead, I've already cleaned it. Several times, matter of fact. Didn't have much else to do over the Holiday."
"Thanks, Katie," Lily said, wiping away a couple of tears before Katie could see them. She leaned back against the railing, and this time, she didn't move away when Katie placed a hand over hers, even though she very much wanted to.
In that exact moment, Lily decided she would get sorted back into Gryffindor, after all, just as soon as they were done here, her newfound authority be damned.
"How's your French?" Katie asked. Lily felt her run a thumb over her own. It was getting harder to convince herself of what she wanted to be true.
"Miserable," Lily said, finding it hard to think with Katie scooting closer, their shoulders now touching. "Haven't practiced in ages."
"Did you ever figure out that spell?"
Just ask her, Lily thought. Wait, don't ask her, that's stupid.
"Never got the chance to try it out," Lily said. "I'll give it a shot soon, though."
"You still want me to help you with your Transfiguration?" Katie asked. "I know we never really got around to it, with all that was happening, but my offer still stands. I'll meet you up here every day, if that's what you want."
Just ask her, you coward.
Don't do that. It's a bad idea.
"That'd be great," Lily said, swallowing the conflicting emotions down. "Ron's not terrible at it, but he hasn't been much help, either."
"We'll meet up after supper, then," Katie said. "I can give you until curfew. I'm supposed to be studying with the other girls, after. Leanne's freaking out over our OWLs, even though they aren't until next year. Her parents have been putting a lot of pressure on her after she Flitwick wrote home about her marks."
Just do it, just say the words, you'll be fine!
You can't, Lily, you know what will happen if you do.
Katie settled it for her, moving even closer, so that Lily could get a scent of the sporty perfume she was wearing. Lily felt her face flush, but she didn't think it was noticeable in such a dim lighting.
"McGonagall wrote me over the Holiday," Katie said, fingers playing with Lily's own again. "She gave me permission to return to Hogsmeade, if you want to sneak back in."
"Don't have to," Lily said, her heart beating heavily and her mind glazed over. "Dumbledore signed my slip."
"Want to go with me?" Katie said happily, beaming at Lily and leaning in a bit closer. Lily could almost feel her breath.
"Absolutely," Lily said.
Just ask her!
Don't do it!
Lily couldn't find the words. She was still staring into Katie's eyes, neither girl looking away, neither girl saying another word. Katie leaned in closer, closing her eyes, and Lily felt simultaneous jubilation and terror, unsure which emotion would win out in the end.
"SLYTHERIN!"
Their heads knocked into each other, and then they pulled back, Lily letting out a groan as she rubbed the sore spot.
"What was that?" she asked.
"Don't know," Katie said curiously. "Shook the castle, though. Haven't heard that in a while."
"What do you mean?" Lily asked.
"Well, it sounded like the Sorting Hat, didn't it?" Katie asked. "Last time somebody was sorted outside of the first was you last year."
"Oh," Lily said, taking a few moments to absorb that information.
"You all right, Lily?" Katie asked, trying to lean in closer again.
"I think I need to go, Katie," Lily said, the horror completely taking over.
"What do you-"
"I think Hermione just got sorted into Slytherin."