Lily was a coward. The next two weeks just reinforced that. She tried to act normal in front of Hermione and Sae, tried to pretend that nothing was wrong, but she just felt hollow inside.
The only thing that kept her going was the potion she was brewing in the Secret Chamber. She even had the first hair picked out; Katie Bell's, taken from the robe she wore on their date.
She sat in front of the bubbling cauldron, Katie's hair laying in a sealed vial in front of her. This felt wrong.
But she needed the break.
It would only take one more week for her potion to finish. She just needed to hold out until then. Lily gave the cauldron one last stir, pocketed Katie's hair, and then got back to her secondary project.
This potion was much easier to brew, only taking two hours. It came out as a light, sky blue with the consistency of water. Lily filled two flasks with it and then vanished the rest.
The walk down to the common room took much longer whenever she was alone, but she was getting used to it. Hermione stopped trying to follow her to her secret destination weeks ago. Instead, she'd wait downstairs with Sae, where they'd spend their time tutouring the triplets or playing some sort of game.
They were all sitting close to each other when Lily arrived. Hermione perked up when she saw Lily coming and then rose to join her at a different table.
"Have a good walk?" Hermione asked.
"Wasn't walking," Lily said, setting her two flasks down on the table. Hermione stared at them with a raised eyebrow.
"You made juice?" she asked.
"Hermione, why would I-"
"It was just a joke, Lily," Hermione said. "What took you so long? We were supposed to practice an hour ago."
"Sorry," Lily said, her most frequently used word. "But this will help with that."
"What is it?" Hermione asked, taking a sniff of hers after uncorking it.
"Brain Booster," Lily said.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Lily, Brain Boosters don't actually do that much. We'll hardly learn French any faster with these."
"Brain Boosters don't do much because they aren't brewed to," Lily said. "They're too generic. But, when you key them for something specific, like, say, learning a foreign language, then they-"
"You made these specifically for learning French?" Hermione asked curiously. "How?"
"Magic is all about intent," Lily said with a shrug. "That, and I fed it a shredded French dictionary."
Hermione laughed loudly, her hand going to cover her teeth. Lily smiled, feeling a bit warmer.
"Well, down the hatch, then," Hermione said right before downing her potion.
"Legilimens."
Lily was standing in the kitchen, barely seven, hands clutching at the side of her head. The stove in front of her was alight in flames, the pork she was frying moments before sparking and crackling as the grease burned.
She had no idea what to do. She was sure she was going to die. She could hear Petunia thundering down the stairs, shouting her name.
Lily panicked. She grabbed the hot pan and steered it over to the faucet. As soon as the water touched flames, there was a great woosh, and the flame exploded to cover the drapes, counter, and a sobbing little girl.
There was another woosh, and a strong breeze blew through the room, vanishing all smoke and fire as if it had never been. The only evidence remaining were the singed curtains and the burns Lily was so desperately trying to hide as her aunt came into the room.
"You freak," Petunia hissed as she hauled Lily up, her hands wringing Lily's fresh burns. They reached the cupboard door in just one second, and Lily was tossed into it.
"Please," Lily said desperately. This one wasn't even her fault, she wasn't even supposed to be cooking, she was just supposed to watch it while-
"Can't you do anything right?" Petunia screamed. "Show me your arms."
"P-please, I-I didn't-"
Lily panicked and held out her arms. She knew something worse was coming, she knew she was in for a lot of pain, and she didn't want to face it, she didn't want to remember.
And so she slammed the cupboard door shut and found herself back in Snape's office.
"Better," Snape said as Lily took in her trembling deaths. "Remember what you did there, Potter, and then do it again."
"Please," Lily whispered, hands clutching at her still burning forearms. "I just- I need a-"
"Do you think the dementors would give you a break?" Snape chided. "Do you think the Dark Lord would? You are hear to learn how to defend your mind, Potter. And you will do so, even if you find yourself physically incapable of moving."
Snape raised his wand, but before he could say the incantation, Lily leaned forward and vomited all over his office floor, kneeling on shaking limbs with cold sweat pouring down her body.
"Charming," Snape said as he vanished it all. "Very well, Potter, we shall break for today. I want to you focus on that image of the closed door every night, before sleep. Focus on only that. I will know if you don't practice."
Lily dragged her feet behind the nameless Slytherin Prefect escorting her. Her head was still ringing from the previous night's Occlumency, and her body was sore all over.
The Prefect led her to Lupin's office, where he dumped her at his door. Lily didn't say a word while Lupin ushered her inside. She could see his lips moving, offering words of comfort, but she couldn't hear them.
Lupin placed a mug of cocoa in her hands and then pantomimed for her to drink. Lily shook her head, but Lupin lifted it to her lips, forcing her to drink.
It helped, almost immediately. The fog lifted just a bit, and she could finally hear what he was saying.
"You skipped your classes today."
Lily nodded and took another sip. She knew Lupin would just make her. There was no sense in fighting.
Lupin let out a little sigh as he took his seat.
"I spoke with Professor Snape," he said. "He told me you've made a breakthrough in Occlumency."
Lily nodded again and downed the rest of her cocoa. The buzzing in her head was still there, but only in the background.
"What was it?" Lupin asked.
"Closing a door," Lily said quietly.
"This is good news, Hazel," Lupin said gently. "In this subject, once a breakthrough is made, things advance very quickly. Most people don't find what works for them for years, and you've done it in just a few weeks!"
Lily shrugged. She didn't feel very impressive at the moment.
"Hermione tells me you've been practicing your French," Lupin said, sensing the need for a change in topic. "You've made your decision, then?"
"Beauxbatons," Lily said with a nod.
"A fine school," Lupin said. "You'll like it there. I'm told it's very warm, more like a tropical island than you'd typically see in the Mediterranean."
"We already wrote to them," Lily admitted.
"You are not waiting to speak with Dumbledore, then?"
"No," Lily said, looking down at the floor. "He'd just- he'd find a way to talk me out of it. Please don't tell him."
"Everything you tell me is confidential, Hazel," Lupin said. "I will not mention a thing to anybody without your express permission. Have you let the Weasleys know?"
"No," Lily said. "But Hermione wrote hers. Her parents, I mean. She wrote them."
Lupin smiled at her, and Lily shifted awkwardly in her seat. "You seem like you have something you want to tell me."
"They want me to call them by their names," Lily said far too quickly. "But I- I don't know, it feels- it feels strange."
"This is a wonderful step, Hazel," Lupin said. "I can tell you're not entirely comfortable with the situation, but you should give it a try, at least. Use their names around a few of your friends, first, get a feel for it."
"All right," Lily said.
"It is all right for you to seek parental guidance from others, Lily," Lupin said, placing a hand kindly on her knee. "Lily and James would understand. They would only want to see you happy, no matter what form that takes. When you feel you're ready for the next step, I'm sure Molly and Arthur would love to hear it."
Lily shook her head. That felt like she'd be taking it one step too far.
"Now, I'm sorry to cut our conversation short today," Lupin said, glancing at his clock. "But I have a surprise for you."
"What?" Lily asked as Lupin stood, offering her a hand. He helped her up and then took her into his classroom.
"I promised you an alternative to Occlumency," Lupin said. "I needed to order a special book for it, and it took too long to arrive, but it's here, now."
"A book?" Lily asked. Lupin took a large tome from the top of his desk and handed it over to Lily. She couldn't read the title, but when she opened it, it seemed to be written in Old English.
"The work in here is all highly advanced," Lupin said. "I could have found you a more modern tool, but some of spells in here you won't find anywhere else. I thought you'd enjoy this more."
"Thanks," Lily said, feeling warmer again. She turned the pages, enjoying the diagram of a person transforming into a large stag.
"This one will have more of an immediate use," Lupin said, handing her a much smaller book titled A Beginner's Guide to a Guardian Spirit.
"Why did we need these books?" Lily asked. "Couldn't you have just taught me yourself?"
"This spell is extremely difficult, Hazel," Lupin said. "The odds of you getting it even with these guides are astronomically low. The tomes are to help you during the downtime. To practice with you, I will already need to cut our usual session by half. The rest will be learning on your own."
"All right," Lily said, setting the books down on a nearby empty desk.
"Before we begin, I must hear your agreement," Lupin said. "You must promise me you will not approach any dementors with the intention of using this spell. It is to be used only in defense or comfort."
"I promise," Lily said. "The last thing I want to do is go near one of those things."
"What you'll be learning today will summon a guardian spirit," Lupin said, tapping on the named book. "The aura it admits will bring you feelings of comfort and joy, both of which are anathema and painful to dementors. It will drive them away."
"What's the incantation?" Lily asked eagerly.
"Expecto Patronum," Lupin said, motioning for Lily to draw her wand.
"Is there a wand movement?" Lily asked, following the command.
"No," Lupin said. "There is only one further instruction; while casting the spell, you must think of your happiest memory."
"That's it?" Lily asked.
"That's it," Lupin confirmed.
"That doesn't seem so hard," Lily said curiously.
"You will find that it must be a very powerful memory," Lupin said. "One that you remember very clearly, and one that you associate only with happiness. Any negative emotions surrounding it will result in a weaker cast, and you may not be able to produce anything at all."
"Okay."
"You will also find that bringing this memory to the forefront of your mind while a dementor is upon you is nearly impossible," Lupin continued. "Most wizards who master the spell in training cannot replicate the result in practice. You will find Occlumency immensely useful in drawing the specific memory to the forefront, once you master it."
Lily doubted that very much.
"It will also be especially draining," Lupin said. "It takes an exceptional amount of magic to create one, let alone sustain it. As you learn, you will likely find yourself feeling drained for days afterwards, until you recover. It will get easier over time."
"I'm ready," Lily said, body fidgeting in anticipation and eagerness. She felt the need to move.
"Here," Lupin said, placing a large piece of chocolate in her free hand. "Go ahead and eat it. It will help you."
"Right," Lily said, suddenly feeling nervous as she took a bite.
"Do you have a memory in mind?" Lupin asked.
"Yes," Lily said. Her first idea was the most recent one; the feeling of Katie's lips on hers and how warm she felt, if briefly.
"Then you may begin," Lupin said.
"Expecto Patronum," she said, raising her wand. Lily swore when nothing happened, feeling useless.
"A good start," Lupin said despite her attempts at feeling otherwise. "There was a brief flicker at the tip of your wand, far more than I expected. Ready to try again?"
Lily nodded, and then they spent the next hour working, until she was tired down to the bone and could hardly stand. Lily leaned heavily into her armchair, her knee screaming in relief, and closed her eyes.
"What memory did you choose?" Lupin asked as he sat down across from her.
"Private," Lily said.
"Hazel-"
"Private," Lily insisted.
"Was there anything before, during, or after the memory that would have soured it for you?"
Lily stayed quiet. There was, but there was for every memory she could think of. She wasn't sure she had any truly happy memories at all.
"You will need to pick something better, then," Lupin said.
"You're looking better," Hermione said as they sat together for their nightly practice.
"I feel tired," Lily said, rubbing at her eyes.
"You're smiling."
"That's not true," Lily said, rubbing at her frown.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's as close as I've seen you get in ages."
"Sorry," Lily said.
"What did you and Lupin talk about?" Hermione asked carefully.
"Hermione," Lily said warningly.
"I know, I know," Hermione said quickly. "But, it's just- I want to help, Lily."
"You are," Lily said. "Have you heard back from your parents, yet?"
"Yes!" Hermione said cheerily. "I would have told you this morning, but- err-"
"I wasn't feeling well," Lily suggested helpfully.
"Right," Hermione said. "Anyway, they said they think its wonderful, and they're happy to help however they can. Have you heard from the Weasleys, yet?"
"Haven't written them yet," Lily said.
"Lily, you really should," Hermione said. "We can't start the process until they agree."
"All right," Lily said after a pause, the words hanging tentatively at the tip of her tongue. "I'll write Arthur soon. I promise."
"I am running out of patience, Potter," Snape said with a sneer on Monday night. "And I am tired of perusing your memories. You need to try harder."
"I don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing," Lily said, wiping the sweat from her brow."
"Push me out of your mind, Potter," Snape said, leaning in so she could smell his foul breath. "Fight, struggle, and get me out. We will try again."
"I don't want to-"
"Legilimens."
Lily was rolling in the snow with Katie, Katie somehow managing to wind up on top. Lily stared up at her face, while the girl toyed with the piece of broken ice. Lily noticed how flushed she was, how her fingers lingered at her neck as she slid the ice down Lily's-
Lily hit the ground on her bad knee, cursing loudly at the sudden pain. She rolled onto her side, both hands clutching at it, her eyes watering.
"Did you mean to cast a Stunning Spell?" Snape asked. Lily looked up, startled to see a whole row on Snape's shelf was shattered, the jars and containers leaking their contents on the ground below. Snape, surprisingly, seemed amused rather than angry.
"No," Lily said, her voice in a hiss.
"Get up, Potter," Snape said as he repaired his goods with a single wave of his wand. "We will try again."
Lily tried to stand, swore again, and then went back down to one knee. She heard Snape sigh from behind her.
"Perhaps I should rethink your position as Quidditch Captain, Potter," Snape said coldly. "If a short tumble out of a chair is enough to keep you out of commission, I wonder how one from a broom would treat you."
"I'm fine," Lily said, trying not to shake as she stood and walked the two steps to her seat.
"Remember what you did, Potter," he said. "And do it again. Legilimens."
Lily sat down next to Hermione, far earlier than she normally would have, and leaned her cane against her seat.
"Rough day?" Hermione asked, not looking up from the stack of homework she was correcting. The triplets were starting to rely on her. The four other girls said their greetings and then went back to their work. Lily leaned her face onto one of her hands.
"Just tired," she said. She didn't know what changed, but she was now breaking out of Snape's Legilimency far faster than she used to. She still felt drained of energy, but she wasn't actively in pain, aside from her leg.
But her hand still hurt, no matter how much she tried to flew the fingers.
"Figures Malfoy would leave the room the instant you show up," Sae said, nudging her head in the direction Lily just came from.
"He get a new wand, yet?" Lily asked, feeling bad again.
"Who cares?" Sae said.
"He was using one last week," Hermione said, "I think he must have."
Lily supposed she'd have to take what she could get, and she pulled out a blank scroll, needing to get her Herbology essay done.
"I have another gift for you," Lupin said, looking sickly and pale. Tonight was the full moon. Lily offered to skip the day's session, but Lupin insisted. They were just having it much earlier.
"What is it?" Lily asked as she took her seat.
"Something I never should have taken from you," Lupin said as he tossed her the silvery sheet of cloth.
Lily caught it out of the air, her hands eagerly running over the smooth silk, a smile coming to her face without having to force it.
"I can really have it back?" Lily asked.
"So long as you promise not to do anything stupid," Lupin said.
"How did you meet my father?" Lily asked, sitting comfortably in her chair. Lupin seemed surprised at her question. He was supposed to be asking, after all. But this was what Lily wanted to talk about, with her father's cloak sitting comfortably in her lap.
"I met him on the train to school, actually," Lupin said after a brief pause. "He and our- our other friends."
"Really?" Lily asked. "Was my mother there, too?"
"No," Lupin said. "Or, at least, not while I was. James liked to boast that he fell in love with your mother on that same day, but I'm not sure how true it is."
"What was he like?" Lily asked.
"Brave," Lupin said. "Above all else, his courage was infallible. Perhaps too infallible, if you asked some of our professors. He was never afraid to talk back, to speak his mind, and to call out things he thought was wrong. If he thought you especially deserved it, and once we got into our later years and learned actual magic, he'd challenge people to duels just to teach them a lesson."
Dueling was the last thing she wanted to think about, and she shifted her feet uncomfortably. She saw Lupin follow the movement, and she scrambled for another question before he could call attention to it.
"What kind of magic?" she asked.
"Transfiguration was his specialty," Lupin said. "Don't make that face, Hazel; yes, you don't share that trait, but you share so many others."
"Like what?" Lily muttered. She toyed with the cloak in her hands.
"You share his temperament," Lupin said. Lily felt her heart sink, thinking of Snape's words. "Not everybody would have gone into the Chamber of Secrets to save their friend, Hazel. I don't think even your mother would have taken the risk. Your father most certainly would have."
"So he was stupid, too, then?" Lily said, meaning it as an insult. She was surprised when Lupin laughed fondly.
"We were all stupid, Lily," he said, accidentally letting the wrong name slip. "All the best Gryffindors are. Godric preferred those who would risk their own life and limb to protect others. Those who would make heroes of themselves."
"You said my mother wouldn't have," Lily said.
"No, she would have found a smarter way," Lupin said with a smile. "But, sometimes, Hazel, the right thing needs to be done quickly, and without hesitation. Deliberation is good, yes, but a decision must be made at some point."
"What would you have done?" Lily asked.
"Me?" Lupin asked, staring into space, as if lost in memories. "I would have followed James and Sirius, without hesitation."
"Sirius?" Lily asked. "Sirius Black?" Lupin's face fell, and it felt like the temperature of the room changed.
"Yes," Lupin said. "Sirius Black."
"He was your friend?" Lily asked.
"He was," Lupin said, all trace of fondness gone from his voice. He tried not to show it on his face, but Lily could tell he was disgusted. "Or, at least, we thought he was. None of us knew what he really was, Hazel. He kept it hidden from us all, and he did it well. Even Dumbledore was fooled."
"You were friends with a Slytherin?" Lily asked. Before her transfer, she would have found the thought unbelievable.
"Sirius Black was a Gryffindor," Lupin said. "Just like the rest of us."
"No!" Lily said, horrified. "But- but you just said Gryffindor wanted heroes, he can't have been-"
"Wanted heroes," Lupin emphasized differently. "The Sorting Hat can only see what lies in the heart of those he is on, Hazel, and only the qualities the individual possesses at the time. He cannot see the future. The Sirius Black we met was an entirely different man from the one he turned into. As I said: he had us all fooled. We all thought he was a great man. None of us could have known."
"My parents had to have known," Lily said desperately. "They had to, they- they wouldn't have been fooled."
Lupin stared at her for a long time, and she found herself growing angry. He knew something, and he just wasn't saying it. She opened her mouth to let a bit of it out, but Lupin spoke first.
"He's your godfather," he said quietly, not able to look at her, his eyes flicking away.
Lily slammed her bag down on the table, startling all the girls sitting at it. There were two more there, surprisingly. Lily didn't know them. She ignored them, digging her Transfiguration book out of her bag.
"All right, Potter?" Sae said. "This is-"
Lily slammed her ink bottle down on the table too hard, swore, and then cast a quick spell to clean up the mess. She had to vanish the ink, which now meant she couldn't do her assignment, which made her swear again. She considered tossing her now empty bottle across the hall, her eyes darting around viciously. Malfoy ducked his head when she reached his direction, which made her feel even worse.
"Sorry," Hermione said. A quick glance upwards told Lily she was talking to the two new girls.
"Sometimes Potter gets in a foul mood," Sae said in a whisper. Lily pretended she couldn't hear. "She'll get out of it, eventually. Best to leave it alone, she won't talk about it."
Lily started grinding her teeth. She couldn't find her spare bottle in her bag. She must have left it in her trunk. She considered getting up, taking one from another student, but that thought made her hate herself.
"Here," Emma said nicely, pushing her ink bottle over. Lily muttered a quick thanks, then tried to get to work, the tip of her quill dripping ink onto her parchment. Lily noticed Hermione give her a careful look out of the corner of her eye. The quill dripped again, but, still, she didn't start writing. She couldn't find the words.
"I'm going to bed," she said, standing instead. She left her bag and equipment sitting there. She knew Hermione would take it with her, but she couldn't stand people looking at her for a second longer.
"He was their friend," Lily grumbled into her pillow. She couldn't imagine any of her friends joining with Lord Voldemort, but he'd done it. He'd gone over to the person who killed her parents. His friends.
Lily heard other students shuffling around the common room and she dug her face further into her pillow, not wanting to look at any of them. She heard Hermione and Sae talking as they approached, heard the triplets laughing about something. She heard Hermione set her bag on top of her trunk. She heard the girls continuing to chat as they reclined and relaxed, readying themselves for sleep. The lights shut off, and the chatter stopped, and still, she found her mind racing. She listened, for hours, to the soft snoring of the girls in the room. She rolled onto her back, staring through the glass dome into the green water above.
The Hat told her she'd do well down here. She convinced him to put her in Gryffindor, where she wanted to be. She glanced over at Hermione's sleeping form. She wanted to be with the first person who was ever friendly to her. And now they were here. Hermione followed her here. She could trust her, she knew she could.
But her parents trusted Sirius Black. She stared back at the ceiling. Her reflection looked so tired.
Lily swung her legs out from under her covers. She couldn't take it anymore. She just needed a break. Her Invisibility Cloak was over her seconds later. She ignored the cold of the common room and left as quickly as she could.
Her potion was still bubbling when she reached the Secret Chamber. She'd almost forgotten in her foul mood, but she plucked the grass as quickly as she could and tossed it in.
She only needed to stir for half an hour. Once that was done, the potion turned into a murky brown and was finished at last. Lily removed it from the heat and poured herself a large glass.
Lily hesitated before dropping the hair in. She knew this was a huge invasion of privacy, that if Katie knew, any chance of forgiveness would be straight out. But she needed this.
Besides, it wasn't as if she was going to do anything wrong. She didn't even know the Gryffindor password. That was a project for later. Her only intention on this particular night was to wander the halls as somebody else, to forget her own issues for just a few hours.
Lily dropped the hair in and then drank the foul sludge down. She felt like she was going to be sick, felt like her whole body was melting, and she was sure she was going to die. She had to clutch at the side of the table, her eyes squeezed shut, as she realized that she brewed it all wrong and nobody would ever be able to find her corpse.
And then the pain ended.
Lily opened her eyes, breathing the cold air in deeply. She glanced at her hands in wonder.
She was smaller, now, in every possible way. Her robes and clothes were so baggy on her. She didn't realize before just how much larger she was than Katie.
"Katie!" Lily practically shouted in her excitement. She spun around the room in a blur, seeking a mirror, and when she found one, she found the happy, crying face of Katie Bell staring back at her.
"It worked," Lily said in amazement as she reached out a hand to touch her reflection's. "It worked!"
"Are you all right, Lily?" Hermione asked.
Lily stopped her humming, looking up happily from her Transfiguration homework.
"I'm feeling great, Hermione," she said with a smile. She hadn't felt bad in days.
"I think that's what's worrying her, Gryffindor," Sae said. "You're never this chipper on a Monday."
Lily stretched her back against the library chair, her spine popping and relieving a bit of pressure.
"I'm sure I'll be plenty miserable once Snape's done," Lily said, feeling a bit less chipper.
"You should get going, Lily," Hermione said nervously. "You're supposed to be there soon."
"I'll see you back in the common room, then," Lily said.
"Legilimens."
Before Lily could realize what was happening, somebody was punching her in the face. Her body flew back, head hitting the hard brick of the building behind her. The memory went fuzzy for a moment as the girl clutched at the back of her head, her fingers coming away bloody.
"Just leave, you freak," Dudley said. "Just go, nobody wants you here."
"I'm sorry," Lily said as the memory solidified just a bit. "I-I-I d-didn't mean t-to-"
"T-t-t-t-to," Dudley said mockingly, his face contorting in anger. "Can't even speak right. What are you even good for?"
"S-sorry," Lily said.
"Just leave," Dudley said, his fists clenched to his sides. "Don't come home tonight. Mum's going to-"
The door, Lily remembered.
Lily closed it and found herself back in Snape's office. Her head still hurt, but for the first time, she managed to focus on her surroundings without issue.
Was Snape always that pale? His hand was shaking slightly as he aimed his wand at her. She couldn't remember checking before.
"Better, Potter," Snape said, his hand steadying as his familiar sneer came to his lips. "Maybe you aren't so incompetent, after all. Perhaps some shred of your mother's ability does remain within you.
"Shut up," Lily said, the pain of her memory catching up to her.
"Tsk tsk," Snape said. "Two points from Slytherin. You really should watch that mouth of yours, Potter. It's no wonder most of your memories end they way they do. Lily Evans never would have-"
"Shut up!" Lily shouted. "Stop talking about her! What do you know, anyway? She would have hated you.
Snape stiffened.
"We will go again, Potter," Snape said coldly, his wand raising into her face.
"Give me a second," Lily said.
"Legili-"
"I said-"
"mens."
Lily flicked her wand upward on instinct, just trying to brace herself for the pain.
But pain didn't come. Instead, Lily found herself in the Great Hall, surrounded by other first years, with a familiar red-headed girl at her side. She looked very similar to how Lily looked in the past, but larger, much more well-fed, and smiling as if she'd never been so happy in her life.
"Durandon, Gabriel," McGonagall called from the front of the hall, a long scroll in her hands. She looked much younger than Lily knew her.
"I'm next, Sev," Lily said excitedly, clinging on to the arm of a greasy, black-haired boy standing next to her.
"Patience, Evans," Snape said, his drawl remaining despite his squeaky voice. "If you haven't noticed, you're supposed to be nervous."
"Why would I be?" Lily asked with a wink.
"Evans, Lily."
"I know exactly what House I'll be in," Lily said as she walked forward proudly.
Snape watched her go with hope in his eyes, a smile threatening to appear. He watched Lily Evans sit on the stool, watched the Sorting Hat placed on her head.
"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted immediately. Lily squealed in excitement as the Hat was whisked from her head, and then she was running towards the cheering Gryffidors with hardly a glance spared for her friend.
"Enough!" Snape shouted as they came back to the office, his face clammy and pale.
"What was that?" Lily asked shouted, standing in her anger.
"I owe you no answers," Snape said.
"What was that?" Lily asked, raising her wand again in defiance. "Why was- You knew my mother?"
"Get out!" Snape shouted.
"I want to know why she was-"
"GET OUT!" Snape roared, grabbing her by the back of the head and practically shoving her through the door. Before Lily could scramble back to her feet, Snape had the door slammed in her face.
Lily kicked the door and swore, hopping in one place while she tried to soothe the ache.
"Somebody should talk to her," Emma whispered at the table. Lily pretended not to hear, just as she did every time, and continued working on her homework.
Snape didn't have her return for another session. When she showed up anyway, his office was locked, and no matter how much she swore at him or kicked the door, it wouldn't open. If she tried to linger after class to confront him, he'd flee into it to the same result. He wasn't even appearing for meals in the Great Hall.
Alihotsy, she wrote, or the Hyena tree, is a magical plant found in the savannahs of Africa. The leaves of the tree can be harvested and used in a variety of potions, most famously in the Laughing Potion and Alihotsy Draught.
"She's never gone this long before," Eleanor said. Lily wished they'd shut up, or at least that Hermione or Sae would hurry up and silence them. She realized she stopped writing and resumed before they could grow suspicious.
Stirring the concoction too vigorously after Alihotsy is added could turn the properties toxic. If ingested in this state-
"She's fine during Quidditch," Sae grumbled, still rubbing at her legs. "Drives us like a taskmaster."
She had to have imagined it. It was the only explanation. She just needed to hear it from him.
"Maybe we should-"
If ingested in this state, the effects can be cancelled by-
"Just leave her alone," Hermione said. "And stop talking about her, it makes her feel worse."
Can be cancelled by-
"I don't think she can hear us," one of the new girls said. Lily still hadn't learned their names. She was pretty sure they were second years with Sae. She noticed Mariam giving them looks from where she sat by herself.
"She's sitting three feet from us, Tansy," the other girl said. Tansy Rockwell. Lily remembered the full name, now.
Can be cancelled by the Treacle made from Glumbumble, Lily finally finished. It would have to do. She moved on to the next question.
"Lily," Hermione asked much louder. "What did you get for the seventh question?"
"Haven't gotten there yet," Lily mumbled. Hermione asked something else, but Lily didn't quite catch it. She was reading the fifth one.
What are the ingredients and brewing process involved in making a Wolfsbane Potion?
"Wolfsbane," Lily whispered, the sound barely audible to herself. What were the ingredients? She couldn't bring it to her mind. They weren't even supposed to be learning about Wolfsbane this year. It was yet another thing to hate Snape for. She wondered if Lupin knew he was trying to out him.
"Err- Miss Potter?" a nearby voice said.
Lily glanced around the table. Every girl looked surprised, and they were all giving her a look of apprehension. She followed their gaze to a small looking first year girl. Lily had no idea what her name was. She wringed her hands together nervously, but she could at least bring herself to look Lily in the eyes.
The girl's were blue and terrified.
"Yes?" Lily said, trying to keep the irritation from her voice. It wasn't fair to take it out on others. She had to remember that.
"I-" the girl said, looking around at the others. "I need your help. Can we talk?"
The girl was staring at her desperately, and Lily briefly considered refusing. Why should she have to deal with it? But, when she glanced at the table, most of the girls were smiling knowingly, as if they were expecting something grand.
"I can help you," Hermione offered nervously, her eyes lingering on Lily's.
"I've got it," Lily after a long pause, turning back to the other girl. She made this promise. She could keep it. "What do you need?"
"Please," the girl said, moving slightly towards the exit. "Can we talk?"
"I'll be right back," Lily told the rest of the table. Hermione made to join her, but Lily motioned for her to sit. The first-year girl didn't lead her very far away; she just wanted to get out of earshot.
"Montague stole my book," she said quietly. "He won't- won't give it back."
"What book?" Lily asked. She didn't see Montague in the training room, but he never lingered anywhere where he could actually learn something.
"It's- it's nothing," the girl said, clearly embarrassed. "Just something mum gave me. I just- I want it back."
"Take me to him," Lily said. The girl briefly hesitated and then walked towards the common room proper quickly. Lily followed behind, wondering if she was walking into another trap.
Montague was sitting on one of the couches, surrounded by his sixth- and seventh-year mates. Lily recognized the rest of the former Quidditch players. The book was still sitting in his lap. They were laughing about something. Montague's back was to her, and she saw the smiles of his pals vanish as she approached. The first year girl didn't come with her, but Lily didn't blame her.
"Oi, Montague," she said as she approached. Montague lazily turned his head to watch her approach. "Heard you got something that doesn't belong to you."
"What's it to you, Heiry?"
"Three points from Slytherin," Lily said, tapping her badge. None of these people ever learned. "Give it here."
"Or what, Potter?" Montague said. He stood, trying to intimidate her, getting as close to her face as he could. His breath smelled terrible. Lily didn't flinch back.
"You know what," Lily said. The common room around them was silent.
"Going to duel me, Potter?" Montague said. "Think I'm scared of a third year?"
"You should be," Lily said. "You've always been just as stupid as you look. Care to risk your wand on it?"
Lily silently dared Montague to try something, her left hand twitching in anticipation. This was something she could do. She felt alive, all her previous conniptions gone. She dared Montague to draw his wand, or even to try swinging at her, to give her a reason to move, to let out some of the anger and frustration bottled up inside of her.
Montague snorted, turned back to the table, wrenched the book off of it, and then shoved it hard into Lily's chest.
"Take it," he said simply. "You're not worth the time."
"Glad we agree," Lily said, feeling slightly disappointed. She turned away from him, ignoring the ache on her torso. Lily took a look at the book, her lips twisting into a smile despite her efforts.
A Witch's Guide to Art.
Lily ran a hand over the title fondly and then wiped the mist from her eyes. She was being stupid again. She kept letting her foul mood get the best of her. She needed to be better. She couldn't be like the rest of Slytherin. She needed to be better than Malfoy, than Parkinson, than Snape. She needed to show them what being a Gryffindor was all about. She might fail, in the end, but she needed to try.
She didn't want to leave Hogwarts with any remaining regrets.
"You got it!" the girl said happily, her face beaming when Lily handed the precious treasure over far more gently.
"What's your name?" Lily asked, putting a friendly hand on her shoulder. She had to squat to do it; she was a lot taller than the younger girl, and she wanted to look her in the eye. They didn't look anywhere near as scared anymore. The girl held the book tightly to her chest, her face split into a wide smile. Lily moved a lock of brown hair out of her face.
"Penelope Midgen," the girl said.
"Midgen?" Lily asked, perking up a bit. "Your sister is Eloise?"
"Yes," Penelope said. She seemed a bit sad, now. "We thought I'd be a Gryffindor, too, just like the rest of the family, but- I-"
"You like to draw, Penelope?" Lily asked, nodding towards the book.
"I try," she said, seeming a bit embarrassed. "Mum likes it when I do, she bought it for me, but dad- dad thinks it's a bit silly."
"Get your things," Lily said. "Come sit next to me. I'll teach you what I know."
"Really?" Penelope asked.
"Really," Lily said, ruffling the girl's hair. It was soft and curly.
"I don't know," Penelope said, pulling the book a bit tighter to her. "I'm- I'm not very good."
"Neither was I," Lily said with a shrug. "We'll get there together."