Sirius let out a sigh as he leaned back onto the damp, moldy mattress. He needed to rest. He spent the entire night, and even a bit of the day, looking for Peter. He lost him near the edge of the Forbidden Forest, after the groundskeeper tried to chase him away, shouting about his bloody chickens. Sirius supposed he couldn't blame him; he'd do anything for some roasted chicken. He'd been living off scraps and pests since breaking out of Azkaban. The remains of last meal were laying in the corner. He had to risk venturing out in the light to get it, but it was necessary. Besides, if Moony hadn't checked for him here yet, he doubted he ever would.
At first, he was confused as to why Peter wasn't trying to escape. He nearly had him several times already. By all rights, the traitor should have made a runner, should have left the isles ages ago, gone to where Sirius could never find him. And yet, he stayed with the ginger boy up until Sirius broke in the first time. And then, after that, he stayed on the Hogwarts grounds, always tantalizingly just out of Sirius's reach. It confused him, up until a month ago.
He followed Peter's scent out into the Forbidden Forest, deep within it, where the foliage started giving way to the webs of Acromantulas. Sirius thought he was finally going for it, that he could finally leave and give Hazel some relief.
And then he came upon a meeting between two men, one of them recognizably a thinner Peter Pettigrew, the other a shadowed stranger. He wanted to go for it right then, sink his teeth into Peter's neck right then and there. But there was something about the stranger that warned him not to, not when he still didn't have a wand.
"We are running out of patience," the stranger said in a deep voice.
"This is your final chance, Wormtail," the man said again, this time in a hiss that shook Sirius down to his core.
"P-please," Wormtail said, kneeling to grovel on the ground. "She is surrounded too often, I- I cannot get to her."
"You will bring us the boy, Wormtail," the voice hissed again. "Or you will suffer the consequences. Need I remind you of the debt you owe to Lord Voldemort?"
At the name, Sirius's hair all stood on its end, and he backed away slowly, his paws sticking to the hard ground below. Any faster, and he was sure he would give his position away. He needed to flee, to find Hazel and make sure she was safe.
"N-no, master," Wormtail said, his body shaking in his fear. "I will bring the girl to you, I swear."
"One month," the deep voice said. "Fail, and it'll be me you flee from, not Black."
Sirius closed his eyes, back in the Shrieking Shack. He failed. He couldn't get to Wormtail, to Peter. And, now, he rested. Then, he enacted Plan B.
Breaking into the Slytherin Common Room, to whisk Hazel away to safety. He knew she wouldn't go quietly. He'd watched her as much as he could, always from a distance. She was a fighter, just like her parents. But it had to be done. She was just a third year, she couldn't take on Peter when he finally came for her. The hard part would be getting into the girl's dorms; neither he nor Prongs ever could when they were in school. They couldn't get it mapped until Lily finally agreed to date Prongs, when she went in for them.
But she transferred a little secret to them once they left school; all the private areas for girls in the castle, every single one of them, could be accessed by boys if they were invited inside. A quick trip to the showers, and who would be able to resist a cute dog? Hazel, for one, would welcome it; she already knew "Duke." She just didn't know who he actually was. He wasn't looking forward to the look of betrayal on her face, but it needed to be done. She had to be safe. She'd resist for a while, but he was confident he could convince her. She was a smart girl, he could tell that much, the best parts of both parents.
Just as he was beginning to drift off into a blessed, needed sleep, he sat bolt upright as voices reached his keen ears.
"Take her to the bedroom. That's where he'll want her."
"You do it." That one sounded tired and strained.
"Graham, just once, do what I say, you fuckin' wanker."
If Sirius currently had human features, he would have sighed. It wasn't the first time a few, stupid teenagers managed to wander their way into the shrieking shack to shag or drink or do Merlin-knows-what. How so many people discovered the place after their time in Hogwarts, he had no clue.
Just as he heard the first step on the creaking stairs, Sirius jumped gracefully off the mattress, paws hitting soundlessly on the rotting, wooded flooring. He squeezed through one of the holes in the ground, dug by Moony long ago on a bad night, and used it to enter the next door room just as the voices began again the bedroom he so recently vacated.
"He's not here. Told you we couldn't trust the rat." Sirius's ears perked up, a low grumble nearly escaping the back of his throat.
"He'll be here soon enough."
"Should we just leave her?" Sirius moved closer to the actual doorway, eager to hear more. "Not like anyone'll look for her here. Think that's why he picked it?"
"I don't see why we can't have a bit of fun before he kills her."
No, Sirius thought. It can't be.
"I'll go first. I've been wanting to teach this slag a lesson for months."
"Suit yourself. Just don't break her. I want to hear her scream."
"Crucio."
When the screaming started, Sirius became frozen, his muscles unable to move. It was a girl's voice, and it brought him right back to his years in Azkaban. They all sounded like a girl or boy there, regardless of their age, all of them reduced to weak children by the constant torment of the dementors. But he felt he knew this one. It sounded to familiar, but it couldn't be.
When the screaming stopped, replaced by a constant, desperate cough, Sirius moved out of the room, hunched low over the ground, and crept down the hallway. He stopped short at the door to the bedroom, in the darkness where nobody could see him, and shifted back to his human form, pressing his back against the wall, his head just peering through the doorway."
"Bloody hell, did you see that?" one of the boys said, eagerly punching his friend on the arm.
"Didn't know it could make hair change like that," the other said. He had an eagerness to his voice that Sirius hadn't heard since his days in the war.
"Go on, then, have a turn," the first one said, this time sending an elbow his friend's way.
"Crucio," the second said, raising his wand and beginning the screaming once more. Sirius leaned forward for a better look, his heart beating rapidly in his fear. It couldn't be her, she was supposed to be safe for one more night.
But it was, and she was screaming and writhing in pain, her bound hands scraping against the wood, her nails getting caught and torn, her legs kicking desperately at the wall and floor in her scramble to get away. Her red, vibrant hair morphed from red to black to white to yellow and then back to red again, over and over and over again while Sirius stood rooted to the ground, only able to watch while the girl he swore to protect faced another hardship without a single person to help her.
And then he moved without thinking. Neither of the boys in front of him noticed the door swing open; their eyes were glued to their prize, their minds filled with the injustices they were and planned on committing. Sirius would have killed them, if he only had his wand. He had to settle for what he could do with his hands, instead.
He moved by instinct. Despite his years of sloth and malnutrition, he had the knowledge drilled into his muscle by years of practice. His parents always hated it, but Prongs thought it was funny when they signed up for those Muggle boxing lessons. Neither knew exactly how often it would come in handy. Pureblood wizards almost never expected physical blows. They weren't trained to do anything about it. Fighting with fists was for children and the powerless.
The one torturing her turned first, being closer to the door. He was on the floor, motionless, a second later, Sirius already moving towards the second one. That one managed to get his wand pointed towards him in time, but Sirius just took the chance to wrestle it out of his hands.
The boy launched him back towards the wall, his wand still held, but Sirius never actually expected it to work. It was convenient, though, being much closer to the already downed one. Sirius scrambled quickly, just dodging a burst of red light, and snatched the wand from the unconscious boy's hand. It felt wrong in his hand, as it wasn't his, but it felt so right to be armed again.
Sirius rolled, dodging another silent spell, and raised his hand towards the boy. The desperate look in the kid's eye took the Killing Curse away from Sirius's lips. He settled on a stunner, deciding Hazel deserved a better kind of justice. She should be able to punish them as she saw fit.
Sirius was already turning towards her as the second one hit the ground. He aimed a second stunner without looking, that one just to make sure the first one stayed down, then he knelt close to Hazel, brushing some hair out of her clammy face. Her eyes were shut tight, and she recoiled from his touch.
"Hazel?" his raspy voiced said. He took a moment to clear it, to put a confident smile on his face. "It's alright, you're safe, I'm here."
The girl curled closer into herself, as far as she could get with the bindings still holding her back. Sirius touched his wand to the ropes and muttered a counter curse. Just as soon as they were gone, Hazel pulled her knees tightly to her chin, her arms wrapped around them in a vice.
"Hazel?" Sirius said, touching her shaking shoulder in reassurance. "Can you hear me?"
She was in bad shape. The tips of her fingers were bleeding and she was laying in a pool of her own sick and filth. Sirius cleaned her the best he could, but he was too afraid to touch her, to move her to a more comfortable place. He gave her a moment to recover, to come back from wherever it was she was hiding, and took the moment to bind the two boys together. By the time he came back, she was no longer shaking, nor did she have her eyes shut.
"It's alright, Hazel," he said soothingly, brushing her hair from her face once more. "It's alright. I'm not going to hurt you."
Hazel didn't look at him. He wasn't sure she was seeing anything at all. Her eyes seemed distant and vacant, as if there wasn't anyone present behind them. It reminded him all too much of those poor fools subjected to the Dementor's Kiss.
"Right," Sirius said, if only to hear somebody talking. He never could stand the silence. "Let's get you off the floor."
Sirius lifted her as carefully as he could. She started shaking again at his touch, her eyes squeezing shut once more, but Sirius kept reassuring her that she was safe, and she seemed to relax in his arms. He laid her down on the mattress, doing his best to stretch her out of the ball. She stared straight up at the ceiling, unseeing, her head lolling slightly to the side.
"Right," Sirius said again, beginning his usual pacing. He liked to move as he thought. "Need to get her out of here. But how do I-"
"You'll do no such thing," a very familiar voice said from behind.
"Moony," Sirius said as he turned, a smile coming to his face unbidden. He froze when he saw the wand aimed at his chest, saw the hatred in his old friend's eyes. Another person, a girl around Hazel's age but wearing robes of red, moved past him quickly, tears in her eyes, another familiar name at her lips.
"Lily!"
Remus stared at his old friend, daring him to move. Katie Bell hurried to Lily's side, clinging to her desperately and repeating her name over and over.
"How did you find me?" Sirius asked, still wearing that stupid smile.
"The map," Remus said. "I was looking for Miss Potter, when I happened to see you enter our old hideaway. I followed a hunch. Looks like I was right."
"The map?" Sirius asked.
"Lily nicked it from Filch her second year back," Remus said. Or, at least, that's what she told him. He suspected a lie in it, but saw no harm in allowing it.
"I was hoping she would," Sirius said, that smile becoming brighter, more honest. "I was worried she'd be too much like-"
"Don't," Remus said darkly. "Don't you dare say her name in my presence, not after what you did."
"It's not what you think, Moony," Sirius said, taking a step forward.
"Don't!" Remus said, the tip of his wand flashing dangerously. "I would love nothing more than to put you where you belong, and I see no other explanation for why their daughter is now in danger."
"I didn't hurt her," Sirius said, his tone desperate.
"Then who did?" Remus asked.
"Those two," Sirius said, nudging towards the unconscious forms of Graham Montague and Marcus Flint, their bodies tied together with thick ropes.
"So, you attacked two more students, then?" Remus asked.
"They were torturing her, Moony," Sirius said, spitting at the word.
"Don't call me that," Remus warned.
"They were using the Cruciatus," Sirius insisted. "I saved her. She can tell you herself, when she wakes up."
"Miss Bell?" Remus called out.
"I don't know what's w-wrong," Katie said, tears spilling from her eyes more rapidly, pulling Lily's body closer to her own. "She won't w-wake up."
"Why did you bring the kid, Moony?" Sirius said.
"Don't," Remus warned again.
"It could have been dangerous," Sirius said. "It's not like you to bring someone else into one of our problems."
"I know that!" Remus snapped. He didn't want to bring Miss Bell along at all, didn't want to be out of his office at all, but he had no choice. Not when Miss Bell came running in, begging for help and holding Lily's wand, claiming she found it discarded on the Astronomy Tower when she went to wait for her. Remus feared the worst when he couldn't find her name anywhere on the grounds. After all, the map never could detect the dead.
"You shouldn't be here," Sirius said as Remus wiped some cold sweat from his forehead. "We only have, what, an hour left?"
"Where else would I be?" Remus asked with a thin smile. "I seem to recall this being my hideout, not yours."
"Ours, then," Sirius said too eagerly.
"Miss Bell," Remus said, getting back on task. "The map, if you would."
"I can't leave," Katie said, shaking her head but relaxing her grip on Lily. "I can't leave her, Professor."
"Do as I say," Remus said, smiling again. "As Sirius said, we have very little time, and I would like to get this all sorted as soon as possible."
"You know, then," Sirius said, staring at Katie as she pulled at the map they made together.
"Lily figured it out," Remus said, staring fondly at the girl. "Although, I don't think she's quite realized it."
"You mean-"
"She saw Peter's name on the map," Remus said. "Whether or not that means he is still alive has yet to be seen. I still believe it is entirely possible that our work wasn't as foolproof as we thought."
"The map is never wrong," Sirius said confidently. "He's still alive, promise. I didn't do it."
"Miss Bell?" Remus said.
"He's in Hagrid's Hut," Katie said, her voice trembling slightly. "With Lily's friends."
"Please," Remus said, "if you'd be so kind as to fetch them. Do hurry."
Katie kissed Lily on her forehead, whispering some assurances that didn't quite carry to his ears, and then she hurried to go.
"It wasn't me," Sirius said awkwardly as Katie left. "I was never their secret keeper."
"It was Peter, then?" Remus asked. "Why?"
"It was my idea," Sirius said, his voice choking up slightly. "I- I talked them into it. Thought that- that nobody would ever see it coming."
"And not me?" Remus said, surprised by how much hurt he was still holding within him. He thought he moved past that long ago.
"We thought it was you," Sirius said quietly. "We thought it was you, Moony."
"I know," Remus said, closing his eyes for just a moment. He knew all along. He could tell by the way his friends looked at him during their days in the Order, could tell by the way he was kept out of the loop about the inner workings of the war. He did not blame them, not for one second, even though it tore him up inside.
"I thought it was you," he said quietly, his eyes reopening. "I never confronted you about it, because I didn't want to believe it, but- but it had to have been."
"He had us all fooled," Sirius agreed. Remus just nodded. He understood.
For a decade, they all thought Peter Pettigrew was their staunch ally. He was never as brave, never as powerful, as the rest of them, but he was always there regardless, fighting right at their sides. He was always looking for their praise, for their acknowledgement, and so none of them doubted him. None of them thought, for even a moment, that he was seeking the acknowledgement of another.
Remus lowered his wand slightly, the hope building up within him again, and closed his eyes. For twelve years, he mourned his friends, both the dead and the false one who killed them. For twelve years, he thought he was alone, that, by virtue of being a werewolf, he couldn't be there to save their lives, to keep them all together.
That was why he never tried contacting their daughter. He thought himself unworthy, thought the last thing she would want was the man her parents never trusted to reach out. He didn't even know she was a she until they were all told. Before that, he believed in Harry Potter, just like the rest of them. How could a man who wasn't even trusted with a secret like that, somebody who, despite James including him as a "best mate," possibly have reached out to a little girl he so desperately wanted to meet? And, so, he spent those long years in solitude, punishing himself for not being there at the end.
When Dumbledore offered him the position at the school a year ago, he almost refused. It was seeing her smiling face in the paper, that Order of Merlin ribbon proudly displayed on her chest, that convinced him. She was stupid and impulsive, just like her father, and he thought he could give her the guiding hand she needed to be better than them, than all of them. He thought he could keep her from getting herself killed.
When they entered his train compartment on that first day, he pretended to be asleep. As curious as he was, he couldn't take introducing himself at that moment. It was hard to keep up the ruse as they continued using her mother's name to refer to her, when he kept hearing the happiness in his voice. She found her own family, just as he had done in his own school years. After that, he decided to keep it a secret. She didn't need him, and he didn't want to remind her of what she was missing by telling her. When she found out anyway, he was surprised by how much hurt showed in her face and voice. He was surprised by how little she knew about them. That was why he began talking to her. But, even then, he refused to get too close.
He could tell she was struggling in those first few months, but not a single member of staff knew quite how badly. They all worried for her in private, discussed what they could do to help her improve her marks or her bad attitude, but not a single one of them thought to just reach out, to reassure her that everything was alright. Hogwarts was too crowded, now, with the class sizes growing, and they were far too busy trying to keep it all together and manage the tight emotions from the dementors. Despite his promises, Lily managed to slip through the cracks.
When she arrived at his class with her injury, he just assumed that she'd done something stupid and tried to hide it, just like her father would have. When she began crying and ranting, venting every little thing she was holding in, he had no idea what to do. Her father would have wanted something to do, something to fight, and since she always perked up every time either parent was mentioned, he thought the boggart was the right way to go.
He never knew about her family. He knew her mother and aunt never got along growing up, but in all those twelve years, he never once considered that she'd be mistreated. He always imagined her being loved and spoiled. When she was happy and rambunctious in those early days at the start of term, he thought he'd been right. When she started crying, when she started telling him things she'd never once told anybody, he knew he'd been wrong. When she ran off, when she locked herself away in that hidden room, he thought it was over. He thought he'd messed up irreparably.
When he convinced her to come off the ledge, he felt the happiest he had since his own Hogwarts days. When she kept opening up, little by little, in their weekly sessions, he wished he'd approached her long ago. She had so much self-doubt, so much self-hatred, and he could have been there to help her sort through it all much earlier. Instead, he allowed it to fester and deepen. He didn't know how she ended up in the Shrieking Shack, but he was certain it was his fault, that something he could have said or done would have avoided it.
"Tell me, Sirius," Remus said as he opened his eyes, his wand hand fully dropping to his side. "Tell me everything."
Hermione followed the others through the cramped tunnel, breathing much harder than the rest. She used to consider herself decently fit. Climbing dozens of flights of stairs every single day was very good for one's legs. Unfortunately, being a denizen of the dungeons meant far less exercise. Lily kept trying to get her to go for a run with her, but Hermione hated it. She could never keep up; Lily's strides were far too long for it. It was hard enough keeping up with her just between classes.
"Hurry up," Katie said from the lead, the worry still in her voice.
"Piss off," Ron grumbled from right in front of her. He was having a hard time getting through the tunnel, with Scabbers's cage and being taller than even Lily. He was also in a foul mood, since Katie refused to say why they were all following her into a dark tunnel. Hermione tried to refuse, wanting to go look for Lily, but something about the look in Katie's eyes made her think twice. Something was wrong, and she was too scared to mention what.
When they finally reached the end of the tunnel, they came out into a dark, moldy, rotting building. Hermione raised her robe over her mouth and nose to block out the smell, sincerely hoping that Katie wasn't Sirius Black in disguise come to murder them.
"Up here," Katie said, climbing the steps three at a time. Hermione rolled her eyes. Lily didn't like anybody mentioning Katie lately, but the two girls really did have a lot in common. They had the same restless energy. The rest of them took the stairs at a far more reasonable rate.
"What are you doing?" Katie shouted from the room in front of them. Hermione hurried after that, entering just in time to see Professor Lupin breaking the embrace he was sharing with Sirius Black.
"You're returned," he said, wiping at his misty eyes. Black looked like he was just as full of emotion, although he didn't try to hide it. In the background, on the bed, there was also-
"Lily!" Hermione screamed, rushing forward with a hand pressed over her mouth. Katie was already there, holding onto one of Lily's hands, and Hermione quickly made her way to the other side.
"She still won't wake up," Katie whispered, her eyes locked onto Lily's face.
"What did you do?" Ron shouted from the doorway. He had his wand out, Neville now holding the rat's cage behind him.
"Mr. Weasley," Lupin said calmly, "I promise this isn't what it looks like. It's just-"
"Suffocoatum," Ron said. Professor Lupin briefly grabbed onto his throat with one hand, his wand hand raising towards Ron.
"Expelliarmus!" Hermione shouted without thinking, not even realizing she'd drawn her wand. She stood from the bed, putting herself on the other side of Professor Lupin and Sirius Black.
"If you're going to use dark magic," Lupin said, lowering his hand from his throat, his voice raspy, "then you've really got to mean it."
"Next time, I will," Ron said, his voice thunderous. Neville was still standing in the doorway, his body frozen and his face pale.
"I trusted you!" Hermione shouted at the professor, hating how shrill her voice was.
"Miss Granger-"
"I never even told anybody you're a werewolf!" Hermione said, thrusting her wand forward. "And- and- and you've been working with him all along!"
"Clever girl, Hermione," Lupin said with a smile. "Did Lily tell you?"
"No," Hermione said, shaking her head vigorously. "I had it figured out since Snape gave us those essays on werewolves."
Lupin chuckled. "I knew him giving those to the Gryffindors would cause problems."
"You were supposed to be helping her," Hermione said, eyes glancing nervously towards the comatose Lily. "She trusted you, you were- were supposed to-"
"Once again," Lupin said calmly, "this isn't what it looks like."
"What is it, then?" Ron asked. Hermione noticed his hand was shaking. Hell, her own were trembling. Her nails were burning and she had to fight hard to resist the urge to chew them. How they went from a nice, pleasant afternoon and drinking tea with Hagrid to this so quickly, she had no idea.
Lily, she thought, eyes glancing over again. Her fingers were covered in blood, her face pale, her eyes empty. Hermione lowered her wand and moved closer again.
"I will need your rat," Professor Lupin said. "That will explain everything."
"Not a chance," Ron said.
"Lily," Hermione whispered, taking Lily's cold, gnarled fingers into her hands. "Please wake up."
"Sirius Black did not do this," Lupin said. "It was Graham and Montague." Hermione followed his outstretched finger to the two bound boys on the floor.
"Like hell, it was," Ron said. "You've killed her, haven't you?"
"She's still alive," Katie said, her voice shrill. "She's just- she just won't wake up!"
"What did you do to her?" Ron said.
"They tortured her," Sirius said, spitting at Graham and Montague. "Had her under the Cruciatus."
Neville whimpered at the door, the cage almost slipping from his fingers. Hermione felt her hands squeeze Lily's tighter.
"Sirius Black is innocent," Lupin repeated. "I came here to rescue her myself, but, before I did, I saw a name, sitting with the three of you in Hagrid's Hut."
"Who, Hagrid?" Ron said, snorting.
"No," Lupin said with a smile. "Peter Pettigrew."
Ron snorted again. "Fat chance of that. Lily already told us all about him. She said-"
"He's not dead," Lily's weak voice said, her hands returning a squeeze on Hermione's. "He's working with Voldemort."
"Something is wrong," she said, the snake coiling around her frail form. "I no longer feel her pain.
"Perhaps the boy is in transit," Lucius said.
"Should I prepare the cauldron?" Quirrell asked.
She stared into the fire, focusing hard on the distant connection. She saw mostly fog, but she could smell the sensation of mold and rotting wood.
"No," she said. "He is still in the Shrieking Shack. Wormtail has failed."
"Should I go fetch her?" Quirrell offered. She could hear him already putting his cloak on.
"No," she said, a deep anger pounding in her head. "We will have to find another way. We cannot risk an intrusion so close to Hogwarts. Not while Dumbledore remains."
"It'll be easy," Quirrell said. "Five minutes, tops. I can do it, Master."
"I will not risk you," she said. "You have been my most valuable companion in these hard times." She heard Lucius shift uncomfortably out of sight, but she'd meant it as a slight to him. It pleased her that he took it as soon, did much to abate the fury within her.
"Lily!" somebody shouted. She knew that voice.
She let out a sigh and closed her eyes, the comforting fire vanishing from her gaze.
"Rescue has arrived, it seems," she said. "A pity. Wormtail will not be happy, should he find the courage to appear before us once more."
"Apologies, Master," Quirrell said, just a twinge of fear in his voice. As it should be. Trusting the rat was his idea. She humoured, if only because she owed him the opportunity. He would need to be kept on a short leash in the future, reminded of his proper place.
"It seems we will use your plan after all, Lucius," she said. "You have retained the necessary contacts?"
"Of course," Lucius said, sounding all too eager to please. "I don't know the proper details, but I do know that Bertha Jorkins does. And, as it so happens, I happen to be meeting her for tea in a couple of days."
"It appears being a refreshed bachelor comes with its privileges after all, Lucius," she said, laughing as she knew she should.
"Yes, Master," Lucius said, sounding uncomfortable once more.
"Lily. Please wake up."
She definitely knew that voice. She was just having trouble remembering, was all. She could feel somebody squeeze on her hand, even though she didn't have a hand. She wasn't anything, really. She just was.
Everything was so cloudy. She was fog, that was it. Just senseless fog, floating along the surface. She didn't want to be anything, didn't want to care about anything. She just wanted to float along until the end.
But she was in so much pain. Fog didn't feel pain. Her eyes were open, but she couldn't see anything. Somebody, no, two people were holding onto her. She blinked, trying to remember, trying to be.
She was in the Shrieking Shack. Her head hurt so bad, but that was nothing compared to the pain in her knee. She felt like she was going to be sick, although, by the taste in her mouth, she was pretty sure she already had been. She blinked again, trying to focus.
This was how she used to forget, she realized. She hadn't felt this way since she lived with the Dursleys, like she was just existing without a care, occasionally coming to consciousness only to suffer and slip right back into it. She didn't want to be that way anymore. She wanted to remember. She blinked again, and this time, everything came into clarity.
Hermione was on her left, Katie on her right, both holding her hands. Lupin was standing with Sirius Black, Ron was shouting at them and holding a wand, and Neville was standing at the back, looking terrified and lost himself, holding a cage with a rat in it.
No, not any rat. Scabbers. She was there. She could remember that, even though she couldn't remember how she got here.
"Peter Pettigrew," Lupin said.
Ron snorted. "Fat chance of that. Lily already told us all about him. She said-"
"He's not dead," she said, her voice weak and broken. "He's working with Voldemort." She squeezed Hermione's hand when she flinched at the Dark Lord's name. Katie brought her closer, pulling her into a hug, her tears wet on her cheek.
"Lily," Hermione said, her voice quiet.
"How did you know?" Lupin asked.
"I saw him," Lily said, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to remember. "I- he's waiting for him to- to bring me to him. But he's alive. He's here."
"I told you, Moony," Sirius said, sounding excited.
"Sirius is innocent," Lily realized, opening her eyes again. She couldn't remember everything she wanted to. It was slipping away. But this was enough. Sirius was innocent, and Peter Pettigrew was not.
"You see?" Lupin asked, his smile becoming more genuine.
"But what does that have to do with Scabbers?" Ron asked, his voice and smile betraying his own relief in seeing her wake up.
"Peter is an animagus," Lupin said.
"You are too," Lily realized, looking at Sirius.
"We all were," he admitted. "Your father, Peter, and I. All three of us, so we could be with Moony when he- when he was having a bad night."
"I had a lot of them," Lupin said.
"You're Duke," Lily realized. "That's why you helped me when I was- Thank you."
"Thought I was just a very smart dog, didn't you?" Sirius asked with a wide smile. "I get that a lot, as it happens."
"I feel like we're missing something," Ron said.
"I couldn't just leave my goddaughter laying in the snow," Sirius said. "I'm sorry I didn't take you into the castle, but, I- well-"
"As much as I hate to interrupt this conversation," Lupin said, wiping some sweat from his forehead, "we don't have much time left."
"It's the full moon," Lily realized.
"Katie, help me carry her out of here," Hermione said suddenly, slinging one of Lily's lethargic arms around her shoulders.
"Right," Sirius said, walking over towards Neville and gently removing the cage from his frozen hands.
"Don't hurt him," Ron said, still refusing to lower his wand.
"Won't hurt a bit," Sirius said with just a hint of venom. He tapped his wand to the metal cage, expanding it to give the rat more room without giving him any spaces to escape. He still tried, scrambling from wall to wall, corner to corner, desperately looking for any sort of out. With Lily's weight shared between the two smaller girls, they managed to hobble over towards the center of the room. Lily made them all stop. She wanted to watch this.
Sirius aimed his wand at the cage and a flash of light appeared at the tip. Nothing happened, at first, but then Scabbers began to stretch, his muscles and features twisting and shifting as he grew. Lily thought she could almost hear the crunching of his bones as they shifted and locked into place.
And then they were all looking at a balding, thin man. Once, he may have been plump, but his skin now hung loosely around his skeleton. He was biting at his long, unkempt nails, his tiny eyes darting around rapidly between every target. Lily heard Ron make a noise in the back of his throat, saw him finally lower his wand as his face twisted into an expression of disgust.
"Remus," Peter Pettigrew said, his voice high. "Sirius. My friends!"
"Don't," Lupin said, lowering himself to be at eye level with Pettigrew's cage. "Don't you dare."
"You don't understand!" Pettigrew said desperately. "I had to do it, I had to!"
"You killed them," Sirius said darkly.
"Yes, but-"
"That's all we need to hear, Peter," Lupin said, his voice strangely sad. "You lot should all go. It's almost time."
"First, we kill him," Sirius said, raising his wand.
"P-please," Pettigrew said, his hands raising to his mouth again. "You c-can't! Lily and James, they wouldn't have wanted you to-"
"Don't you dare speak their names," Sirius said, spittle flying from his lips. "Not in front of her."
Sirius pointed at Lily, and all eyes followed it. Lily kept hers lowered at the pitiful form before her.
"Please," Pettigrew said, his eyes watering. "Don't let them do this, your parents, they- they would have wanted you to spare me!"
"I wouldn't know," Lily said quietly. "They're dead."
"Lily," Hermione said in a horrified whisper.
"We'll take him to the castle," Lily said more loudly, looking towards Sirius. "If we give him to Dumbledore, you can go free."
"They'll never let me go free, Hazel," Sirius said with a distant expression.
"Please," Lily said, shaking herself free of Katie and Hermione so she could stand on her own two feet. She still had to keep a hand on Hermione's shoulder to keep her knee from giving out. She saw Sirius glance towards it.
"Alright," he said finally, nodding solemnly. "For you. James and Lily can have theirs later."
With a wave of his wand, Pettigrew's cage levitated in front of him and then out the door, his wailing and pleas going with it.
"I'll see you all back at the castle," Lupin said, clapping her on the shoulder with a trembling hand. "You should take Flint and Montague with you. I'll kill them if they remain. Didn't get a chance to take my potion before slipping out."
"It'd serve them right," Lily said, her head pounding. The fog was still laying over whatever it was they'd done to her, but she knew it was bad. She could tell by how much pain her body was still in.
"Do you have your cane?" Lupin asked, Ron and Neville moving forward to levitate the Slytherin boys together.
Lily shook her head. "Haven't been keeping it on me. Didn't think I'd need it."
"I've got you," Katie offered, trying to take her arm again.
"No, I'm fine," Lily said, moving away. "Hermione can get me."
Katie's face twisted into hurt, her hand moving away from her.
"But-"
"Get a move on!" Sirius shouted from below. "If we're still here when Moony transforms, we're all dead!"
"Come on," Lily said, stumbling her way forward, hand clutching on Hermione to support her weight. Hermione didn't argue. She heard a few whispered words, and then the familiar silver otter perched on her shoulders, warming her with happier thoughts.
"For luck," Hermione said.
Ron and Neville led the way through the tunnel, levitating the two Slytherins in front of them. Lily was pretty sure they kept making their heads hit the tunnel on purpose. Sirius took the rear, Pettigrew in front of him, occasionally turning back to stare into the tunnel whenever one of Lupin's screams or howls would reach them.
"Keep quiet," he said when they stopped completely, his face hardly lit by Hermione's Patronus. "He'll still be resting, but if he hears us, he'll come."
"What about smell?" Neville asked nervously.
"Well, we best hope it doesn't come to it," Sirius said with a smile that did not at all instill confidence.
Thankfully, it did not come to it. In just ten minutes, they were all climbing out of the tunnel, appearing through the roots below the Whomping Willow. Ron went first and kicked the knot on the base hard to make sure it was still stunned. Lily followed after with Hermione's help, Katie still lingering nearby. Lily felt like she needed to apologize, but she just couldn't find the words. Besides, this really didn't seem like the best place for it.
Sirius came last, still glancing worriedly into the tunnel.
"Thought I might have heard something," he mumbled. Lily wasn't sure she was supposed to hear that, but then he winked at her, and she was fairly certain he was joking.
"What now?" Hermione asked. She was breathing hard. Lily felt like she needed to apologize for that too.
"Leave everybody here," Sirius said, pointing towards Katie. "You, go get Dumbledore. The rest of us will wait here, make sure nobody escapes."
"I don't want to leave her," Katie said, her eyes lingering on Lily.
"You're the fastest one here," Ron said. "Well, Lily is, but she can't go."
"Right," Katie grumbled. "I'll be back, then."
"Not a chance of that," Ron said, sitting comfortably on Pettigrew's cage, his wand clutched tightly in his hands. "No way McGonagall lets her come back down here."
"She might, if she only runs into Dumbledore," Lily said, lowering herself to the ground. Her knee was still aching, but when she started massaging it, that seemed to help a bit. Hermione sat down next to her, the silver thread still leading from her wand to Lily's shoulders.
"Sorry about the knee," Sirius said as he joined the two of them on the ground, his eyes locked onto watching the cage. "I didn't notice it, or I'd have fixed it."
"I imagine you were more focused on the split skull," Lily said with a tight smile. It felt very awkward to be sitting with an accused mass murderer.
"Still," Sirius said. "I should have helped you into the castle, taken you to the Hospital Wing. I just-"
"I know," Lily said awkwardly. "I hate them, too."
"It wasn't just the dementors," Sirius said. "I knew Moony was in the castle. I didn't want to get caught by him, not before I found Peter."
"Why do you keep calling him Moony?" Hermione asked.
"It's his nickname," Sirius said. "We all had one. He was Moony because- well, that should be obvious, really- but the rest of us were named for our animagus forms."
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs," Lily said.
Sirius looked at her curiously. "How did you- right, you had the map. Forgot."
"I didn't actually nick it myself," Lily admitted. "Fred and George gave it to me in my second year, as a birthday present."
"Speaking of which," Sirius said, "I hope you enjoyed the Firebolt I sent you. Meant for it to make up for all the birthdays I missed."
"I told you it was from him," Hermione said smugly.
"You were there for my last one," Lily said, ignoring her friend. "I think you were the only person that remembered."
"Right," Sirius said awkwardly. "I should have known you wouldn't have- I mean, I thought Dumbledore would have told you, but I suppose-"
"What are you getting at?" Lily asked.
"I wasn't there for your birthday," Sirius said carefully, "because your birthday isn't in July."
"Come again?" Lily said after a long pause. Sirius finally turned to look at her, his eyes leaving his caught prey.
"Your birthday isn't in July," Sirius said. "Your parents made that up, along with the whole 'naming you Harry' thing."
"Oh," Lily said. She could practically feel her world shattering around her. She turned her head towards the ground, trying to focus on her knee massage.
"Why?" Hermione asked for her, a hand gently laying on top of Lily's trembling one.
"It doesn't matter," Lily muttered. None of it mattered. What was one more lie on top of a thousand others?
"There was a prophecy," Sirius said after another long pause. "I don't know the details, but your father said it was very important that you were born in July and that you were a boy. Said he'd clear it all up later, but, for now, it had to be done."
"Why?" Hermione asked again.
"I don't care why," Lily said.
"I know it's hard," Sirius said. "But your parents did love you, Hazel. I never learned the full story, but I'm sure they had a good reason."
"I'm sure they did," Lily said, her head pounding again. She needed to pace, but she knew her knee wouldn't be able to take it.
"I was there," Sirius said. "After you were born, I mean. They got into a big row about it. James wanted to tell me the truth, since they wanted me for their secret keeper, but your mother wouldn't hear it. Wanted as few people to know as possible. Made me leave so I wouldn't hear the rest of it, even though James wanted me to. Didn't get to come back in for an hour, had to sit in the snow. Almost went down to the pub, but-"
"Snow?" Hermione asked. "Hang on- when is her birthday, then?"
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, at which point several things happened at once.
The first was that Lily, looking behind Sirius towards the tree, saw a pair of glowing, yellow eyes appear at the dark mouth of the tunnel. She knew Hermione saw it, too, based off the way her nails suddenly dug into Lily's leg. As she began raising her hand and voice in alarm, there was a burst of light from behind her, causing all three of them to turn just in time to see Ron and Neville go flying, Pettigrew's triumphant face glowing from the burst of energy from his wand. Where he got one, Lily had no idea. Before her mind could fully process what was happening, Pettigrew was twisting and shrinking back into his rat form.
Sirius gave a shout and ran towards him, Ron and Neville hot on the escaping rat's heels, and then time became normal.
"Sirius!" Lily screamed, trying to scramble across the ground and away from the emerging werewolf. Sirius turned, following her distress, and then let out a scream of his own, only briefly glancing back towards where Pettigrew was escaping before rushing forward to protect the two girls.
"Run!" he said as he sprinted past them, his own body morphing into that of a large, black dog.
"Lily, come on," Hermione said, her voice high and terrified, her arms struggling to lift Lily from the hard soil. Lily grabbed onto her tightly, desperate to get away from the squeals, growls, and gnashing of teeth behind them.
They didn't make it far at all before something slammed into them from behind, forcing the two of them to the ground. Lily's knee twisted awkwardly, hot tears immediately coming to her eyes, bile rising up her throat. Sirius scrambled to his feet quickly, his sides bleeding, and then ran back towards the werewolf who just tossed him an easy ten metres.
"Lily, please," Hermione said, trying to force her back to her feet, only succeeding in dragging her slightly towards the tree cover. Lily could only cooperate far enough to get to the first canopy before her leg buckled out from underneath her.
"Go without me," Lily said in between her gasps for air.
"No," Hermione said firmly, lifting the larger girl back to her lift.
"Hermione, I can't walk," Lily said.
"I don't need to," Hermione said, breathing hard, her eyes wide and frantic. "I'll carry you."
"Hermione-"
"I'm not leaving you, Lily!"
Lily tried her best to keep moving forward, but every step was complete agony. She fell three more times before they neared the shore of the Lake, their pace slow enough for Lupin and Sirius's battle to keep up with them, the werewolf staying right in sight of them the entire time.
The fourth time she fell, Lily gave up. She was almost certain something had broken in that first one, when she twisted it badly. She was covered in a clammy sweat and, despite the heat, felt very cold.
"Lily, please," Hermione said desperately, tugging at her one last time.
"Can't," Lily said in a whisper. She glanced back at the battle behind, just in time to see Sirius get tossed again, this time disappearing into the trees completely as Lupin approached the two girls.
He was almost skeletal thin when transformed, his fur matted and missing in patches. His teeth were long and yellowed, dripping with cursed saliva. He was still three seconds away from them, but Lily could already smell his breath. It was like rotted meat, festering in the hot sun. The yellow eyes conveyed no sense of humanity, no sense of the kind man who helped her.
Lily shoved Hermione away from her and pulled her wand from her sleeve.
"I don't want to do this!" she shouted. Lupin took another step, his hand reeling back, his claws flashing dangerously from the moonlight above them.
"Expulso!" she shouted. A wave of energy erupted from between the two of them, sending them flying in opposite directions. Lily hit the stony beach, the gravel scraping her skin badly, her feet dipping into the water, the cold depths seeping into her boots.
Lupin only went a few feet, turning his attention to a closer Hermione.
"No!" Lily said, scrambling to her feet despite the pain. Hermione shouted something, her wand flashing, but Lily could hardly hear it over the pounding in her ears. Lupin swiped at Hermione, his claws coming dangerously close to grabbing her, but Lily shouted another spell.
"Circumrota!"
Lupin spun on the spot, his claws only raking against the side of Hermione's face, his teeth clamping down on thin air rather than flesh. He howled in rage and, in just two strides, closed the distance to Lily. Hermione shouted a spell of her own, but all it did was bounce against Lupin's back. He growled, turning his face towards Hermione, and then swiped at Lily's chest.
Pain. That was all she felt as she went flying. It started at her stomach, but then she was flying, and then it was in her head. She could hear the crack, felt it hit against stone, and then everything went white and red and yellow and black.
She was standing at the stove, a spatula in her hands. She wasn't small anymore, but she still felt so small. She could hear Petunia fussing about at the table, pruning over a lock of Dudley's thin, blonde hair that just wouldn't sit right no matter what she did. He just had to look perfect on his birthday. Lily was sure that it would be her fault if it didn't.
She couldn't remember the exact words that were said. She couldn't even remember exactly what caused it. The pain in her head was too great. All she knew was one moment, she was cooking. The next, she was sitting on the ground, a hand held to her stinging cheek, a red-faced, angry Petunia standing over her.
"You stupid girl," she said, yanking Lily up by the hair. "Can't you do anything right?"
No, she couldn't. She still couldn't. She was laying on the ground, bleeding, ready to give up and die, a scared voice calling out her name. But she was also being dragged down the hallway, tears running down her cheeks just as hot as the blood from her skull.
"You're a freak," Petunia said, one hand yanking the cupboard door open.
"I know," Lily whispered, pushing herself off the ground, the taste of iron on her tongue.
"You don't deserve a thing," Petunia said, tossing her inside.
"That's what you always said," Lily said, looking up as Lupin stepped in front of her, the claws on his feet crunching the loose stone.
"We'd be better off if you were dead," Petunia said as the door slammed shut.
Lupin lifted Lily off the ground, both hands pinning her arms to her sides. It was over. She closed her eyes as Lupin's teeth came near, his hot breath tingling against her neck.
"NO!" Hermione shouted. Lily was tossed again, hitting the ground a few feet away. She rolled with the blow, eyes flying open in time to see Hermione clinging to Lupin's back and neck, his growling growing louder as he tried to claw her off of him.
Lily pushed herself off the ground one more time, one hand clutching her torn stomach. She thought she could feel something poking out, and that made her feel sick. She was ready to give up. She just wanted it to all be over.
She missed whatever happened next. She heard Hermione scream again and looked up, only to see her limp form leaning against a tree. It was close, yet so far away. Lily knew she wouldn't make it in time. Lupin was already approaching her, his drool dripping onto the grass as he stepped off the beach.
And then Sirius was back, pouncing onto him, knocking him on the ground. They gnashed together, both teeth and claws sinking into each other's flesh. Sirius hung on as Lupin tried to fling him free, his teeth sinking deep enough to draw blood from the werewolf. Lupin yelped, and when Sirius finally same free, it was with a bit of skin and sinew. Sirius placed himself between Hermione and Lupin, growling. Lupin glanced back towards Lily, took one step, and then Sirius was there, standing between them instead. Lupin stared at the both of them, glanced back towards Hermione, and then back at them, staring with those yellow eyes.
And then, finally, he turned into the trees and ran, fleeing anymore pain.
Sirius hurried to her side, his body transforming once more. He touched her face, smiling confidently with bloody teeth. And then he collapsed onto the ground next to her with a loud thunk.
"Check the girl," he muttered as his consciousness slipped away.
Lily didn't need to be told twice. She had to crawl and fight her away across the gap, each twist and motion completely agony.
Hermione was in bad shape, her chin slumped against her chest, her wand dangling limply from her fingertips. Her face was bleeding, but that was nothing compared to her torso. Her pale skin was covered in blood, her muscles and flesh torn open. Lily reached for her own wand, found an empty holster, and then took Hermione's. It felt pleasantly warm in her hand, although not as welcoming as her own. She placed the tip of it against the worst of Hermione's wounds.
"Episkey," she said, praying that it would be enough. The gash seemed to stitch itself back together, if clumsily, and Lily moved on to the next, sealing each one by one. It wasn't much, but she needed to keep Hermione alive long enough for Pomfrey to take care of the worst of it.
As Lily moved the wand to Hermione's face, she felt the cold settle in, saw the dew of the grass and the moisture left on Hermione's skin crystallize into ice.
As she rolled onto her back, to get a better look, she could hear Petunia's voice coming back into her mind. As the first of the cloaked dementors descended downwards, moving towards her, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, focusing hard on the image of the cupboard door.
"You're a freak," Petunia whispered through it.
"You're wrong," Lily whispered.
"Your mother was just as worthless, just as much of a waste of space, her and your father."
"You're wrong," Lily said, raising her wand. "Expecto Patronum."
Nothing came from Lily's tip. If the dementor could laugh, she was sure it would be. Lily moved closer to Hermione, grabbing onto her hand desperately.
"Wake up," she said, squeezing hard to no response. "Wake up, damn it."
"It's no wonder nobody loves you."
"Wake up!" Lily shouted. "You promised, damn it! You wanted to help me, then help!"
Hermione didn't wake up, and Lily felt her shoulders slump at the same time a rotted, cold hand clamped onto her, rolling her to face it. Lily could see more of them, dozens, all of them floating in the air above the lake, three more lowering themselves towards Sirius. The one holding her raised a hand to its hood, preparing to give her a Kiss.
Lily closed her eyes, ready for it all to be over. She tried her best, but she still couldn't manage it.
"Petunia was wrong."
I can't do it.
"She was wrong, Lily. You are strong."
I can't do anything. I just want to die.
"You know the words. Remember what I taught you. Pick the happiest memory and focus hard on it."
I don't have any.
"You're loved, Lily. I promise. You just have to trust me."
"Things always get better."
Lily could feel the chill approaching her lips. She didn't have anything, and it was over. She didn't want Sirius and Hermione to go with her, but she tried. She just wasn't good enough. She just wanted to go home.
Home.
A ticking clock, and a crying girl. The worst day of her life, followed by the best. She did have a home, she wasn't lost. She was strong. She did have people who loved her. They gave her the best gift she could have asked for, gave her everything she ever wanted. When she opened that box, when she saw the clock hand, that was the happiest she ever felt. She had a family, or at least as close to it as she was going to get.
Petunia was wrong.
"Expecto Patronum."
There was a great warmth, and Lily felt the dementor's hand slip away, the mouth leaving her face. The accompanying it was bright enough to pierce through her eyelids, and when she tried to open them, she had to squint so as not to be blinded. The light swatted at the nearest dementor and then pounced forward, clawing and biting at the ones near Sirius as it solidified and formed into a solid mass.
The proud lion stood before all the spectres, its mane billowing as if caught in a strong breeze, its maw opened in a silent roar of defiance. The dementors fled from it as it leapt through the air, bouncing and jumping off objects hidden from Lily's view. When the beast slashed, its claws rendered the cloth as if flesh, scattering the tatters across the wind. To her bewilderment, it was soon joined by a silver phoenix, its mere presence just as soothing as Fawkes's song, from the forest, the two creatures working in tandem to chase the demons off.
And then, just like that, it was over, and Lily's lion was standing at her side, the bird perched on its back. Lily raised a hand and the great cat nuzzled into it, bringing comfort and peace to Lily's aching mind. For the first time in a long time, Lily felt nothing but happiness, even as her vision began to blur, and she passed into a deep, dark sleep.