"She's not talking again," Emma helpfully pointed out.

"Just leave her alone," Sae said. "Merlin, I shouldn't have to keep telling you all this. Give her some space."

Lily kept staring through the glass ceiling above her bed, wishing they'd just go a little further away. It was much harder to sulk when she could hear them talking about her. The giant squid swam above them, throwing the dorm into temporary darkness. Lily raised a hand to press it against the glass as a tentacle trailed against it.

"Just sod off, will you?" Sae said. "Head off, go on."

"But-"

"Go on!"

Lily could hear the three first-years grumble and walk away, but she didn't move to watch them. She kept grinding her teeth, unable to stop thinking about Snape and what Dumbledore showed her.

Voldemort kept referring to her as "him." As "the boy." She remembered it from her first year, too, when he was trying to strangle her. She never thought about it, she pushed it to the back of her mind, but it was there.

Lucius Malfoy called her "Harry," the name her father chose. He must have told his son, and now it was all over the school. Why? Lily should have asked. And then there was-

"Coming up, Lily," Sae said as she lumbered over the edge of Lily's mattress.

"I'm not in the-"

"Move over, would you?" Sae said, shoving one of Lily's beds. Lily scooted over to the edge, pressing her shoulder against her little shelf, while Sae brought herself fully up and laid next to Lily, joining her in staring out the glass dome, hands perched together against her chest.

"I just want to be alone, Sae," Lily said, clenching her teeth.

"I'm not Hermione," Sae said as if that was an explanation.

"Sae-"

"She could always get you to smile," Sae said. "I can't, I get that. This is the best I can do, Lily."

Lily stared at Sae, wondering what she was trying to get at.

"I'm going to miss you," Sae said quietly, turning to stare back at Lily. "You'll write when you get to Beauxbatons, yeah?"

"Sure," Lily said. She kept staring at the reflections, even though Sae wouldn't stop looking at the real her.

"What happened?" Sae asked. "I've heard so many stories the last few days, hard to keep track of what's real."

"Sae, I-"

"Right, you don't want to talk about it," Sae said. "Is it true Sirius Black is innocent?"

"Yes," Lily said. "But I don't want to talk about that, either."

"Are you ready for the holidays?"

"We have to get through exams, first," Lily said, closing her eyes for a nap. She should be studying, she knew that, but she just couldn't be bothered.

When she awoke next, the common room was dark, and Sae was still curled up next to her, breathing softly, her chest rising and falling with each one, her head resting on Lily's shoulder. Lily didn't remember doing it, but her arm was around Sae, pulling her closer into her. Lily smiled, pulled her blanket over the two of them as gently as she could, closed her eyes, leaned her head against Sae's, and went back to sleep.

"Really, Lily, you should have been there!" Ron said at the Lake, his arms dramatically flailing as he reenacted his story.

"It was brilliant," Neville agreed.

"Well, go on, then," Lily said, reclining in the sun. "Don't keep me waiting. Regale me."

"Well, we were chasing after Scabbers, right?" Ron said, pantomiming his own run.

"Thanks for leaving us with a werewolf, by the way."
"Well, we didn't bloody see it, did we?"

Lily closed her eyes, enjoying the sunlight's warmth on her skin, her robe laying discarded a few feet away and her sleeves rolled up to her elbows.

"I'm just saying."

"Anyway," Ron said, "So, we were chasing after Scabbers, right?"

"I certainly hope so."

"Oh, stop interrupting."

"Be a better storyteller."

"Right, because you're just so brilliant at it, aren't you?"

"Glad you noticed!"

"So, we were chasing Scabbers," Neville said helpfully.

"Right," Ron said, getting back on track. She heard his pacing resume. "So, we were-"

"Hang on a second," Lily said, eyes opened back up. "How'd he even escape in the first place? Where'd he get a wand?"

"That might have been my fault," Ron said, his ears a bright red. "I was- err- sitting on his cage, right?"

"Yeah?" Lily said, vaguely remembering that.

"Well, I had my wand out," Ron said, "just in case he tried anything. Neville was saying something, and I was watching Katie run into the castle, wishing I'd been sent instead- Katie's fast, but I reckon I could outrun her, she's got shorter legs- when- err-"

"Well, go on," Lily said when Ron was too reluctant to do so.

"I dropped it," Ron said awkwardly.

"You dropped your wand?" Lily asked in disbelief.

"I was spinning it in my fingers, see," Ron said, doing the same thing with his wand now to demonstrate. "It just- it slipped."

"So, Peter Pettigrew almost got away because you dropped your wand?" Lily asked in disbelief.

"Look, if I hadn't, Lupin might've gone for him, wouldn't he?" Ron asked.

"Werewolves don't hunt animals, Ron," Lily said. "All he had to do was transform into a rat and he would have been fine!"

"What about Flint and Montague, then?" Neville asked in his mate's defense. "They were just a little ways away, weren't they?"

"Well, sure," Lily admitted, "but I think Hermione and I were better targets, especially since I was, you know, injured and bleeding."

"Have you seen Lupin lately?" Neville asked.

"No," Lily said after a moment's pause. Nobody'd seen him since the full moon. He'd been hiding away in his office, taking his meals in privacy. They just took his exam, right before coming out here, and Professor Flitwick had been sent to oversee it.

He prepared an obstacle course for them (sans a boggart, which Flitwick decided to remove) filled with dark creatures (although nothing they couldn't handle) and tricky situations to navigate using their spell catalogues. The only one that was an issue for Lily was the large pond filled with kappas. They weren't allowed to go around the obstacles, so she couldn't just walk the shore. Instead, she had to settle for freezing it and skating across. Flitwick gave her bonus points for creativity, but she was pretty sure he just felt bad for her.

Their next one was Potions, early tomorrow morning, and she wasn't looking forward to that at all.

"Anyway, back to Scabbers," Ron said, just a hint of relief in his voice now that Lily was no longer pressuring him. "So, we chased him, right, straight towards the forbidden forest, and then-"

"You actually went into the forest?" Lily asked, sounding only slightly impressed and jealous.

"Brilliant, innit?" Ron said with a broad smile. He missed their journey inside during their first year and often complained about the lack of opportunity.

"We didn't go in very far," Neville said.

Ron snorted. "Nev didn't go in at all, matter of fact. Just passed me his wand and stayed right outside the trees."

"I did not!" Neville said, blushing furiously. "I ran for help, so they'd know where you'd gone."

"Right, well," Ron said, ignoring that, "so, we're running through the trees, right, and I'm just barely keeping up with him- you've been in, you know how thick the brambles are- when I get stuck in this big web!" Ron stretched out his arms to demonstrate the size, his legs frozen in a sort of sprinting position.
"You ran into an acromantula nest?" Lily said, absolutely horrified.

"Bugger wasn't home, thank Merlin," Ron said, only laughing about it now that he was no longer there. "But, as you can imagine, I nearly pissed myself trying to get out. Only, I knew that if I didn't keep moving, Scabbers would get away, so- well- I got him."

"Great ending, Ron," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Pray tell, how did you manage that?"

"Well," Ron said, scratching his nose. "My wand hand was free, and I could still see him, just barely- so I just aimed and cast."

"What spell?" Lily asked.

"I stunned him," Ron said, sounding proud.

"So, you're saying it wasn't such a waste of time, after all?"

"Guess not," Ron said with a cocky smile.

"So, hang on," Lily said. "There can't have been much light in there, was there?"

"Nope!" Ron said, finally sitting down next to her, his back leaning against the tree.

"And you were stuck in a web?"

"Sure was," Ron said with a small shudder.

"So," Lily said carefully, "you managed to hit a small rat- about yea big- with a stunner, through the dense foliage, with no light, all while freaking out about a spider eating you?"

"Well, when you put it like that."

"How did you even see him?" Lily asked. "Blimey, I don't think I could have made that shot."

Ron gave her his cockiest smile yet, then stretched out further, both hands placed on the back of his head.

"Well," he said, sounding immensely pleased with himself, "I suppose I'm not such a rubbish Seeker after all, am I?"

Lily was fuming almost as much as her cauldron was. She needed to brew a Calming Draught (which seemed highly inappropriate), but her mind was unable to focus. She was relying mostly on muscle memory to guide her. Every time she tried to picture the instructions in her mind, with her cute little notes all around them to help her, they'd fizzle away within a few seconds. Even when she tried using Occlumency to clear her mind, it was rubbish. She kept hearing his voice in her head, taunting her every step of the way.

She looked back up at Snape, just daring him to wander closer to her, daring him to say a single thing. Her wrath was so palpable even Neville kept giving her worried looks from the table next door. The Potions professor wasn't daring, though. He kept firmly to the side of the room she wasn't on. Either that, or standing at his desk, watching everybody with grease dripping down his nose, all except for her.

She knew Dumbledore must have said something to him, and she couldn't stand it. She was itching for a fight, and he seemed determined not to give her one. He, quite like Lupin, had failed to show up at a single meal ever since their little adventure made the headlines.

Lily bottled her vial, almost broke it as she put the cork in, and packed up her belongings as quickly as she could. She wouldn't say a word to him. She wouldn't be the one who started something. She'd leave that up to him. She didn't trust herself to keep it to just words, not after everything he'd done to her.

When her vial almost rolled off the table, Lily catching it just in time, finally, finally, he looked over at her. Snape watched her as she cleaned off her workstation, his beady little eyes looking for something to snip about, to berate her in front of her peers. She slung her bag over her shoulders and picked her cauldron up.

"Going somewhere, Potter?" Snape asked. "It is customary for students to turn in their potions before packing up."

"It's also customary for you to be a gormless baboon," Lily said, making eye contact with the potions master for only amount before turning away. She left the vial on her desk as she stormed out of the room, ignoring any whispers and glances going around the room, ignoring the shocked look from Neville and Ron's barely contained mirth.

Snape didn't say anything further to her. That was for the best.

"You don't have to-"

"Too late, Gryffindor," Sae said as she hauled herself over the edge. Lily groaned, but she scooted over to make room for the other girl.

"Really," she said, "You don't have to-"

"It's cold," Sae lied. "It's more comfortable this way."

"Sae, I don't-"

"Deal with it, Potter," Sae said. She opened a book on her lap and said no more, just letting Lily stew in her own misery while the two girls shared a bed.

Lily scratched her nose with the tip of her quill. She was really wishing she spent more time reviewing History of Magic from this year instead of the first two. She thought she could make do with the essays and homework assigned by Binns, but she was clearly wrong.

Lily shrugged and put her quill down. She answered as much as she could, even if it was only half of the exam. She stretched and took the moment to glance around the room. Binns was still floating through the desks, checking to make sure nobody was cheating (Lily was almost certain he was only faking it, though; Seamus was right in front of her, glancing at the notes he wrote on his hand every few seconds). Ron was furiously scribbling away at his parchment, despite the low amount of time left. Lily couldn't find Neville amidst the sea of bent over heads. She caught herself looking for Hermione before she remembered the letter she received this morning.

Dear Lily,

Dumbledore came to visit last night, and he told me you were awake. How are you doing? He told me how badly you were hurt when they found us. You didn't even think of trying to heal your own wounds, did you? I know you saved me, but you really should have done it after, at least. I couldn't stand it if you We should really consider taking a Healer course after our OWLs, I've been doing some research and Beauxbatons offers an extensive course on the subject, it's really quite fascinating.

Speaking of which, they've sent me a form to choose my courses for next year, and you should be receiving your own soon. They don't let us sign up for everything, unfortunately, just a max of three electives. Obviously, we'll have the same core classes, but I also signed up for Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and Astronomy (it's an elective there, can you imagine?). You don't have to take the same ones I did; I know you probably want to keep Care of Magical Creatures (say goodbye to Hagrid for me!).

My parents wanted me to invite you to visit over the summer again. I'm trying to convince them to let me come to you instead, I can't stand how suffocating they've been (Maybe for your birthday? Actually, what day is your real one? Merlin, that was surreal to say. Please write me back!). They tried to pull me out of Hogwarts completely, to put me back in Muggle schooling, but Dumbledore persuaded them to let me stay.

Of course, he didn't have to. I've read all about the limits the Ministry has on Muggleborn wizards and witches (seemed relevant at the time, and thank Merlin I did, since Binns won't be covering it until sixth year!). Muggleborns can't attend Muggle schools, it'd be too big of a risk to the Statute of Secrecy. Honestly, it's infuriating just thinking about it. I didn't tell them, though. They would have done everything possible to get me out if they did. And on that note, I've decided I won't be telling them a thing that goes wrong from here on out. It'll all be nice stories from here on out. I'm on thin ice as it is.

My wounds are healed, but the Healers want me to stay at Mungo's until during the next full moon. They think saliva might have gotten into them, even if Professor Lupin didn't bite me. Can you check in on him, see how he's doing? Pomfrey said it's a bunch of rubbish, and the wounds likely wouldn't have closed at all when you healed them (thank you!) if it had.

Professor McGonagall brought me the written portions for each exam, and I've already turned them in. You better have studied for History of Magic and Transfiguration! When I see you over the summer, I'm going to help you review, you'll need it for the next year. You can show me your Patronus when I do! Dumbledore wouldn't tell me what it was, he said I should let you show me.

Please write back!

Much love,

Hermione

Lily drummed her fingers while she thought about it. Several times, Hermione's perfectly neat handwriting wavered, and the crossed-out words were concerning. If Hermione was writing to somebody, the letters were always perfect. She'd write and rewrite until she had it down. Lily just wished Hermione was here so she could ask her.

She never wanted to see somebody so badly, just to hear her talk or laugh or see her smile.

"Quills down," Professor Binns said from the front of the classroom. "Leave the papers where they are. You may leave."
"That wasn't too bad, was it?" Ron said as he caught up to Lily outside of the classroom.

"Speak for yourself," Lily said.

"You've got some ink on your nose," Neville said. Lily rubbed at the side of her nose, most assuredly smearing it further across her face instead of wiping it off.

"Really, though, I'm surprised how easy it was," Ron said. "I thought it'd be far more of a nightmare. He even threw in the-"

"Can we please not talk about it?" Lily said. "We still have Transfiguration to get through, I don't want to think about how badly I did in something else."

"You'll be alright, Lily," Neville said. "You only did so badly last year because you couldn't remember anything, but Lockhart wasn't here to-"

"I'm going to scream if you talk about him instead," Lily said.

"It couldn't be that bad, Lily," Sae said, once again laying next to Lily on her bed. Lily was far less receptive this time, but Sae wouldn't take no for an answer.

"I should have studied more," Lily grumbled again. The only exams left were Herbology and Transfiguration. She was doing much better in Herbology, now. Something finally seemed to click in her brain regarding the subject. She was only average, sure, but that was good enough for her.

"At least you won't have to train so hard next year," Sae said. "You won't have another mass murderer coming for you, with any luck."

"Please don't say that," Lily said. "The last thing I need is you jinxing it."

"Well, if you do, I'll help you," Sae said, scratching the side of her nose sheepishly. "I would have been there, you know, if any of you bothered asking."

"I'll keep that in mind next time somebody kidnaps and tortures me."

"Is that what they did?" Sae whispered, sounding scared. "Merlin, I'll kill those two if I get my hands on them. How are you alright after something like that?"

"I'm not," Lily admitted after a very long pause. "But- well- I don't really remember it, to be honest. It's easier to just pretend it didn't happen at all, that way."

"Lily, I don't think that's healthy," Sae said.

"It's that or I give up again," Lily said. She never wanted to feel that bad ever again. This was better. She could deal with this.

The two girls stared at each other for awhile before Sae turned to look at the glass above. Lily followed suit, watching the other girl's reflection wring her hands in her lap. She wondered what Sae was thinking, was considering, even though she hoped Sae would choose to say nothing. She didn't feel like talking, she just wanted to be left alone again. She didn't voice it because she didn't know what she'd do if she was alone.

"Aiya isn't my real sister," Sae said quietly. "We took her in when she was eight."

Lily thought about commenting on it, but this didn't seem like the kind of thing she should interrupt. She kept staring upwards, waiting for Sae to find the courage to continue talking, if that was what she wanted.

"She came from a bad home," Sae said finally. "I won't say any more about it, but her parents are in Azkaban for life. When she first came, she was- well, she was a lot like you've been, actually."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"She hardly talked," Sae said. "And she had nightmares all the time. She wouldn't talk to me or Dai about anything, she didn't even want to be around us most of the time."

"She seemed alright on the train," Lily said.

"That's because she is like you, Lily," Sae said. "She's pretending. Back home, she'll act normal most of the time, but when she sleeps- well, the nightmares never stopped. I shared a bed with her most nights. It always seemed to calm her down."

"Is that why you won't leave mine?"

"Exactly," Sae said with a smile, turning her head to watch Lily's still form. "You aren't as loud as you used to be, I don't think most of the dorm can hear you, but I know what to look for. I should have done it earlier; you sleep like a baby when you have someone next to you."

"I really don't need-"

"I'll stay as long as you want me to, Gryffindor," Sae said. "I just want to help."

Lily closed her eyes to hide the mist she was sure layered on them. She had to swallow the lump down her throat when Sae moved closer so their bodies were fully touching, an arm placed protectively around her shoulder as she pulled Lily in.

"Thanks," was all Lily had to say, even though she wished she could voice much more.

She just wasn't ready yet.

Lily let out a sigh, feeling utterly defeated. It was over, but she wasn't happy about it.

"Quills down," McGonagall said. "I will call you one by one into the next room for your practical."

As she finished speaking, she waved her wand, and all of the exams soared to the front of the room, placing themselves gently in a stack. Those, she carried into the next room with her, where she immediately called for the first student.

"Thomas, Dean."

"So," Ron said, pulling a chair close to her desk. "How'd you do?"

"We aren't supposed to talk before the practical," Lily said with a sniff.

Ron snorted. "Like that's ever stopped anybody before. How'd you do?"

"I wouldn't know," Lily said. "I spent the last two exams panicking over what to do in the next part."

"Brilliant as always, Lily," Ron said as Neville joined them, pulling up his own chair. "So, how'd you do?"

Lily sighed. "Can't you just let it go for once?"

"No," Ron said with a smile.

"I'm sure you did fine, Lily," Neville said reassuringly. "I didn't even start the last page, myself. Got stuck on drawing the rune circle for transfiguring a chair into a pony."

"What's even the point of drawing runes outside of Ancient ones, anyway?" Lily said, groaning as she buried her head in her arms.

"That's a good sign."
"Piss off, Ron," Lily said, not coming up. "I mean, really, we don't even use runes for Transfiguration anymore!"

"We use plenty of runes!" Ron said.

"We use them as aids," Lily corrected. "For individual spells, on individual items. Nobody uses circles anymore!"

"I'm sure some people do," Neville said. "Gran told me about these excellent ones she saw in Japan when she visited, right after she finished Hogwarts herself."

"Well, that just proves my point, doesn't it?" Lily said. "Why do we need to learn circles now when we haven't used them since the dinosaurs were alive?"

"Somebody must not have done well on the Ancient Runes exam," Ron whispered to Neville.

"I did fine," Lily snapped, finally raising her head to scowl at the boy. "It's just this one bloody class I can't seem to manage, I'm just too stupid to-"

"Longbottom, Neville."

"Luck," Lily and Ron said together as their pale-faced companion left them.

"You're not stupid, Lily," Ron said immediately after. "You just- you're just not any good at Transfiguration, is all!"

"Thanks," Lily grumbled, laying her chin on her folded arms.

"Oh, come off it," Ron said. "Neville's rubbish at Potions, and you don't see him complaining."

"Neville is fine at it," Lily said. "He just can't perform with Snape standing over him, is all. I saw his potion before I left, he was doing better than I was."

"About that," Ron said, an excited smile coming on his face. "I meant to ask, what was that? I've never heard you talk back to a professor like that!"

"I'm not supposed to say," Lily said awkwardly. "But- well- I'll just say he's an even bigger git than you think he is."

Ron snorted and leaned back in his chair.

"Fat chance," he said. "He'd have to kill Dumbledore to manage that."

"Potter, Hazel."

"Blimey, she's flying through those names, isn't she?" Ron said as Lily stood to leave.

"She's calling a random order, Ron," Lily said with a sigh.

"Luck!" he shouted after her.

McGonagall didn't look up as she entered the room. She was too busy frowning at a few sheets of paper she was holding in her hands. Lily tried not to fidget too much as she took her seat in front of the professor.

"Miss Potter," McGonagall said, still not looking up. "Would you care to explain why you only answered fourteen questions? Out of the fifty?"

"I ran out of time," Lily lied.

"Potter."
"I couldn't think, alright," Lily said, giving up, her hands going into the air. "I kept reading everything, and then I kept thinking about Hermione because I'm worried about her and she'd be able to answer everything, and that just made me more frustrated because I couldn't because I'm too stupid to be any good at Transfiguration. Happy?"

McGonagall sighed gently, set the papers down, and then removed her glasses.

"Hazel," she said softly. "We had this discussion during your counselling session. You are more than capable of doing the work required in this class. You simply need to work harder to apply yourself."
"I am," Lily said through grit teeth.

"This is completely unacceptable," McGonagall said, waving a hand at her exam. "A first year could have answered more of the questions, and in far better detail, I might add."

"I tried my best," Lily said quietly, turning her gaze to the ground. McGonagall sighed again.

"I believed your issues ended in the practicality," McGonagall said. "Had I realized it was this severe, I would have offered you assistance much earlier. Your homework was more than satisfactory, Hazel. What happened?"

"I already told you," Lily said, shuffling her feet. "Hermione helped me on all the homework."

"And that is why you could not focus?"

Lily nodded.

"Very well," McGonagall said sternly. "I will show leniency at this time. I understand you've had a hard year, Hazel, but you cannot allow it to interfere with your studies. You will need to work harder to catch up with your peers in Beauxbatons. You understand this, yes?"

"I know," Lily said, swallowing down her nervousness. She fully planned on spending every waking moment this summer working on that very issue; she had a lot she needed to catch up on.

"Now," McGonagall said, placing her glasses back on and turning to the last sheet of her exam. "If you would: please transmute your hair to the colour orange and lengthen it to your midback."

"Both at once?" Lily asked nervously.

"Both at once," McGonagall said, nodding. "If you cannot manage it, we will attempt one at a time, but you will not receive full marks."

Lily took a deep breath. She knew she could do this. All she had to do was focus. She touched the tip of her wand to her skull, taking another breath, her mind honing on the spell she needed to cast.

"Excellently done," McGonagall said, sounding astonished. Lily froze with her wand still touching her hair.

"I don't-"

"Never, in all my years," McGonagall continued, "have I ever witnessed a student in their third year accomplish a silent cast."

Lily blinked. She was certain she hadn't done anything. She finally moved her hand, trailing it down her now much longer hair, pulling it into view so she could see the bright, citrus orange.

"Now, please," McGonagall said, sounding excited. "Feel free to change it back to normal. Vocally, if you must."

Lily blinked again, trying not to show her confusion on her face. She felt like she should say something, but she reallydidn't want to be accused of cheating somehow, and she also really needed the good marks.

She touched her wand to her skull again, focusing hard on turning her hair back to normal, still holding some of it within her vision. She scrunched her brow, squinting slightly as she thought, determined to do whatever it was she'd done again. As she watched, the hair bled back to red and dragged itself out of her hand as it shrank back to her skull, stopping just at the base of her neck, where it tickled her bare skin.

"A little shorter than it started," McGonagall said, still sounding very pleased. "But, very well done, Hazel. Perhaps I was far too harsh on you."

"Yeah," Lily agreed, staring down at the wand in her hand. She didn't know what it was she did. She still didn't. It didn't feel like anything came through her wand at all.

And that only confused her further.

"You may go, now," McGonagall said, writing on the parchment in front of her very quickly.

"Right," Lily said, standing, still feeling unsure.

"And, Hazel?"

Lily turned around, her hand on the door leading out into the castle hallways. McGonagall was staring at her, a rare smile on her face.

"I hope you have a wonderful time at Beauxbatons," she said. "You'll be brilliant, I'm sure of it. You just need to believe in yourself. You're an excellent witch."

"Thanks," Lily said, feeling oddly sad. The professor stood from her desk and approached. Lily was just slightly taller, maybe an inch, maybe two. She wondered when that happened.

"You do not need to keep living in the shadow of your parents," McGonagall said, placing a hand on Lily's shoulder. "They were extraordinary students, yes, but perhaps we compared you to them unjustly. You are your own person, Hazel. You just need to figure out exactly who that is. Once you do, I believe we can expect far greater things from you."

"You really think so?" Lily asked quietly.

"I know so," McGonagall said with a confident nod. "Just look at what you've accomplished already! An Order of Merlin, a corporeal Patronus, and two successful silent casts in a field that is, dare I say, the most difficult of all."

"I didn't cast any spell," Lily admitted, turning her eyes away from McGonagall so she'd feel a bit less ashamed.

"Spell work is all about the intent, Hazel," McGonagall said. "I have been trying to explain that to you all along. Just because you did not think the incantation does not mean a spell wasn't cast."

"I didn't cast anything," Lily insisted. "And my Patronus didn't matter. I would have died, if that Phoenix hadn't arrived to help."

"A phoenix?" McGonagall said, her face lighting up in recognition seconds later. "Ah, yes, Professor Dumbledore's Patronus. It's impressive, isn't it?"

"It was beautiful," Lily said.

"I'm told yours was just as impressive," McGonagall said. "Dumbledore said I'd get a personal kick out of it, although he wouldn't say what it was."

Lily realized she was still holding her wand as she brought her hand up, Vinewood stretched out in front of the both of them.

"Picture it clearly in your mind, Hazel," McGonagall said, understanding her intent immediately.

Lily shut her eyes tight, thinking of nothing but the ticking clock and the emotions it brought with it.

"Expecto Patronum."

She felt it immediately, and she opened her eyes to greet it. At first, there was nothing, just like the last time. Then, a light appeared at the end of her wand, stretching out in front of her until it coalesced into a large, proud cat.

"A lion," McGonagall said, her voice thick as she knelt to stroke its mane.

Lily didn't really know what to say. She knew it wasn't her first time casting it, but just seeing it, just doing it when she wasn't in such peril, it felt even better than it had the first time. When she lowered herself down as well, her own hand petting the warm, calming, loving light, she felt tears coming to her eyes.

"Yes, Hazel," McGonagall said, her own eyes misty. "I think I will miss you very dearly."

"Lily, come on, you can pack after the feast," Sae said impatiently.

"I can't if it goes too long," Lily said. She tossed another book into her trunk, then realized she still needed to return her Quidditch robes, and started digging through it again, grumbling to herself.

"Lily, if we miss the House Cup because of this, I'm going to kill you."

"We won't miss a thing," Lily said. She was fairly certain Slytherin lost it, anyway. They never quite recovered from all the points she lost in the first term. "Just hold on a minute, will you?"

"I'll meet you down there, I'm starving."

"Suit yourself," Lily said. She pulled out her Quidditch robes and out tumbled a scroll. Lily kicked it as it fell, hoping to knock it back upwards, but only succeeding in sending it rolling under their bunk beds.

Lily swore and then bent down to get it. She had to crawl halfway under the frame before she could reach it, and then she hit her head as she came up and swore again, rubbing away the hot tears that came to her eyes. She looked at the troublesome scrap of paper, trying to decide if it was worth pitching it in the fireplace for causing her so much trouble. She pursed her lips as she recognized the Gringotts seal in bright red wax.

Sirius promised he'd see her again. He said so himself. He promised he'd be there. She chewed on her lip while she thought about it. She didn't want to bother the Weasleys any more than she already had, but Sirius wanted to be a part of her life, he said so himself.

Could she trust him with this? Did she even want it anymore?

"It's about time, Gryffindor," Sae said as Lily sprinted into the Great Hall, breathing hard as she took her place next to her remaining companion.

"Sorry," Lily said, not bothering to catch her breath before sizing up the rest of the room. She frowned when she noticed Snape sitting up at the Staff Table, even though Lupin was still conspicuously missing.

"Still missing," Sae said, taking a bit of her food. "You missed the Cup, by the way. We lost."

"I know," Lily said. "I could tell by the Gryffindor banners hanging from the ceiling. I'm going to go looking for Lupin."
"Lily," Sae said as she stood, "you just got here!"

"Just bring some food back to the common room!" Lily said as she began her jog out and then upstairs. It felt very good to be moving, just like it always did every time she left the confines of the Hospital Wing.

It felt a bit surreal, taking this last run through the empty hall of Hogwarts. She wouldn't be coming back here, and she felt oddly nostalgic. She slowed her pace as she passed a few of her favourite portraits: the pretty women all having tea together, the friendly and playful Circe, the fat frogs all singing a choir song, and the brave knight always locked in a duel with a surly manticore. She even took the time to stand still and let the cranky suit of armour hurl a few slurs and swears at her. Not for long, of course; she hated that thing. Nor would she miss Peeves; she almost ran into him on the way up. Thankfully, he was trying to stuff the last of the pixies into Flitwick's office.

Lupin didn't answer his door when she knocked. She waited a few seconds before trying again. When she didn't get an answer to the third set, she settled on using magic to force her way inside.

Just as she tapped her wand on the knob, the spell at the tip of her tongue, it finally opened, a tired and pale Lupin standing on the other side.

"I was worried you'd come," he said, not moving aside so she could answer.

"Why wouldn't I?" Lily said, pushing inside anyway. Lupin's office was bare, his suitcases and supplies already packed. She tried not to show how much that bothered her.

"I hurt you, Lily," Lupin said, still standing near the door, his gaze at the ground. "You and Hermione, both. You shouldn't be here."

"You weren't you," Lily said, taking her usual seat, thankful it was still here.

"I know," Lupin said. "But I never should have been in that position in the first place. I could have killed you."

"You were trying to save me," Lily said.

"I should have told you all to bring Peter to Dumbledore from the start," Lupin said, finally leaving the door, his eyes full of tears that refused to fall. "But, no, I wanted to see it all end, just like Sirius did. You should go."

"And you should sit," Lily said.

"Lily-"

"I don't hate you, Professor," Lily said.

"Lily, really-"
"Hermione doesn't hate you, either," Lily said, leaning further back into her seat. "She wrote to me, told me to make sure you were alright."

Lupin let out a sigh and finally sat down in front of her, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his burden.

"You're leaving, then?" Lily asked, looking around at the packed belongings.

"I never should have accepted the position in the first place," Lupin said. "I don't know what I was thinking, surrounding myself with children. It was just an accident waiting to happen."

"If you hadn't, I wouldn't be here," Lily said. "I'd have died months ago, after jumping off that tower."

Lupin finally looked up, his lips pursed.

"Lily, that's not-"

"You saved my life, Professor," Lily said quietly, wiping at her own eyes. "I'm sorry if you regret that, but-"

"Of course, I don't, Lily!" Lupin snapped. "But that doesn't make me almost taking it right!"

"It wasn't your fault!" Lily snapped back. "If Flint and Montague hadn't done- done- if Peter had never made them, then- then neither of us would have been there!"

"You didn't need me," Lupin said. "Sirius already saved you. It was over. All I did was put you into further danger."

"So, that's it, then?" Lily asked.

"No," Lupin said, taking a deep breath. "The least I can do is give you one last session, Lily."

"I don't want you to-"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking," Lupin interrupted. "These memory issues you've been having, everything you've forgotten. Do you know when it started?"

"Of course not," Lily said after a long pause. "If I did, I wouldn't have these problems, would I?"

"Do you know when they ended?" Lupin said.

"First year," Lily said without hesitation. "Right after I left the Dursleys."

"And you're certain?"

"Well," Lily said reluctantly, "there was last year, but that- that was Lockhart's fault. Not mine."

"No, but that is precisely what I am getting at," Lupin said. "You are certain that, when you were younger, you never met up with a witch or wizard? One who would have been able to modify your memories?"

"There wasn't anybody," Lily said quickly. "It was m-me. I wanted to- to forget."

"Humour me," Lupin said. "Think. Was there anybody?"

"No," Lily said, shaking her head. "I don't remember as much as I thought I did, but Petunia and Vernon hated m-m-" Lily took the moment to clear her throat. She hated falling into old habits just thinking of her aunt and uncle. "They hated magic."

"Just because they hated magic, doesn't mean they wouldn't have used it," Lupin said. "Not if it was forced upon them."

"It was me," Lily insisted. "I used magic accidentally all the time- I did again, when I saw them over the s-summer- that's all it was. I forgot."

"No, I don't think that's it at all," Lupin said. "Your magic would have been unrefined, you see. Accidental magic in children only ever appears in uncontrolled bursts. You wouldn't have been able to force yourself to forget anything."

"I was-"

"And if you had," Lupin continued, "it would not have occurred the way it did. You would not have forgotten only specific memories. Not so many of them, anyway. You would have forgotten everything. No, the fact that your forgotten memories are so precise tells us that it happened very deliberately."

"No," Lily said, shaking her head and squeezing her eyes tight. Her head was pounding.

"Somebody did this to you, Lily," Lupin said, placing a hand on her knee. "Whether or not it was with your aunt and uncle's permission and knowledge is another matter. Do you remember anything, anything at all, that might help identify them?"

Pink.

"No," Lily said, swallowing down the urge to vomit.

"Lily-"

"Even if I did, I'd be thanking them," Lily said, opening her eyes, her head still aching.

"This isn't a good thing," Lupin said sternly. "We have no idea what else they took away from you, Lily. And, while the memories may be returning now, we have no idea if they'll all return, not without finding the one responsible."

"I don't want them to come back," Lily said. "I'm better off without them."
"Lily-"

"Whoever it was," Lily said, "they did it to help me."

"If you insist," Lupin said, glancing at his watch. "I must be going, Lily. My carriage will be here soon."

"Wait," Lily said as he stood. "You- I- you can't go, yet, I- I still need-"

"I'm sorry," Lupin said.

"When will I see you again?" Lily asked.

"I don't know," Lupin said. "Perhaps it would be better if we never met again."
"No!" Lily said, standing. "I- you can't- just- you promised."

"Lily-"

"I need you!" Lily shouted, her whole body shaking. "You can't just- I n-need you to- to-"

Lupin pulled her into a hug just as the tears began to fall.

"Deep breaths, Lily," he said, stroking the back of her head.

"You c-can't l-leave," Lily said into his shoulder. "I n-need you."

"Perhaps over the summer, then," Lupin said after a long pause of holding her. "I will need to find stable employment before I can commit to a more regular schedule, but I may be able to find time at least every two weeks."

"Where are you going to go," Lily asked, taking the moment to wipe off her face once they finally broke apart.

"Oh, Sirius has offered to pay me for helping him disinfect his home," Lupin said with a tight smile. "I'm told it'll be an arduous ordeal, but between the two of us, we should manage it quickly enough."

"What about afterwards?" Lily asked with a sniff.

"I'm sure I'll find something," Lupin said. He didn't sound very confident about it.

"What if I had something?" Lily asked quietly, her hands slipping into the pocket of her robes.

"I cannot accept your money, Lily," Lupin said gently. "No more than I can Sirius's."

"But he's paying you!"

"For a job, yes," Lupin said, shaking his head. "What you're suggesting is-"

"No, it's not!" Lily said quickly, her hand leaving her pocket and grabbing onto his nearest hand.

"What are you-"

"Here," Lily said, placing the small scroll in his palm. "How would you like to run your own business?"

"Feels a lot bigger in here, doesn't it?" Ron asked, spread across one side of the train compartment, Neville spread out next to him.

"Yeah," Lily agreed solemnly, laying down horizontally across her own. Nobody was next to her. The train was slowing down, now, nearly to a complete stop. People were already milling about in the hall, anxious to get home.

"It'll feel empty next year," Neville said sadly.

"Why would it?" Lily said.

"Because you'll both be gone, mate," Ron said. "Granted, we can just sit with Dean and Seamus, but- well- they're Dean and Seamus."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Means what you think it means," Ron said. "At least we'll have one less year with some lunatic trying to kill us all."

"Don't joke about that," Lily said with a frown. "I've had a hard enough time as it is."

"It'll probably follow you to Beauxbatons," Neville said with a smile. "At least here you have Dumbledore."

"Fat load of good that's done me," Lily said with a snort. "I'm going to go get changed."

"We're supposed to be leaving," Ron said, gesturing to the station outside the window.

"Then you better wait for me, huh?" Lily said, slamming her trunk shut again, casual clothes snugly over her shoulders. "I'll be back in a bit, it won't take long."

"Lily-"

"I'll find you all outside," Lily insisted. "Just go on."
Lily closed the compartment door behind her and pushed her way through the clogged hall as quickly as she could. She was happy to find the bathroom empty aside from a single girl.

Unfortunately, that girl was Katie Bell, who looked completely mortified to run into her here.

"Sorry," Katie said, face red. "I- err- I'll leave."

Lily almost let her go by, almost let Katie leave without saying a single thing.

"Don't," she said, grabbing Katie by the arm before she could squeeze by. She had no idea what made her do it, but Katie's face turned a bright red.

"I'm sorry I kissed you," Katie said, staring at the floor rather than her. "That was stupid of me. I'll leave you alone."

"I don't want you to leave me alone," Lily said. "I- I just- I'm sorry, alright? I shouldn't have treated you so coldly, after- well-"

"I'm sorry, too," Katie said, sounding relieved. "Merlin, I thought you hated me that entire time, and then, when I found your wand up there, and I thought you'd got yourself killed trying to meet me- well- I-"

"I get it," Lily said.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Katie said again, pulling her into a hug. "That's all I wanted to say."

"There was something I wanted to tell you, too," Lily said quietly, her arms clinging tightly to Katie's back. She missed this so much. Katie smelled so good, and she was so soft, and- and-

"What was it?" Katie said.

"I'm sorry," Lily said, squeezing tighter.

"Lily?"

"I took some of your hairs," she said. "They were- they were on my robes after- after you kissed me. I- I used them in some Polyjuice Potion, so I could- well- so I could be you for a bit."

Lily felt Katie froze. She broke the hug and walked to the sink, trying to hide her shame and self-loathing by washing her face.

"You copied me?" Katie asked.

"Yes," Lily said, doing nothing but gripping hard onto the marble sides.

"Why?"

"I don't know," Lily said. "I- I got it into my head that- well- I don't know. I wanted to be someone else, I wanted to a Gryffindor again, and- and I used you. I'm sorry."

"But why me?"

"I don't know," Lily said again. Her legs were shaking.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to hate me," Lily said with a shrug.

There was a long pause, and Lily thought it was over. She just wanted Katie to leave, or at least say something. When Katie walked closer and placed a hand on her right shoulder, Lily jumped slightly.

"It's alright," she said quietly, placing a hand on Lily's cheek, forcing her to turn and stare into her eyes.

Her green eyes, just like her own, this time looking equal parts sad and happy, refusing to waver from their own gaze. She smelled like citrus, and her lips were pink and slightly sparkly from the gloss she was wearing. Lily felt a strange stirring inside of her, her mind going slightly hazy.

But the memory was still there. It was less sharp than before, but it still hurt. She could still feel the blurry girl's lips touch her own, just briefly, as it replaced itself with fear and further pain.

"I can't," Lily said, not trying to pull away. Her heart was beating very quickly, making her wonder if she was going to die.

"I know," Katie said. "Can I ask why?"

"I- I- I can't." She wished she could remember, but she just couldn't, even though she really wanted to just this once. She just knew that it felt wrong, even if she didn't know the specifics.

"Lily," Katie said, pulling her face slightly closer.

"Katie-"

Katie pulled Lily into a kiss. Lily hesitated only briefly, and then allowed herself to ease into it, hands wrapped around Katie's back and tangled in her hair. Her lips tasted like strawberries, filling Lily's mouth with a wonderful sweetness, the room growing hot from their bodies pressed so tightly together. Katie's own hands held her in place, trying to pull Lily in as close as physically possible. It felt like the wonderful moment lasted for only a few, brief seconds, Lily's heart filling with happiness. She never wanted to leave.

And then the door to the bathroom opened, and the two girls pulled away, faces flushed. Ginny was standing there, looking awkward and confused, as if not quite sure what she walked into.

"We're waiting on you, Lily," she said. "It's been- err- almost five minutes."

"Right," Lily said, splashing cold water on her face from the faucet. "I'll- err- be out in a second."

"Good talk, Lily," Katie said awkwardly, adjusting her hair at the adjacent mirror, her face completely red. "I hope you enjoy Beauxbatons."

Lily turned and stared at her. "You knew?"

"Of course I did," Katie said with a sad smile. "Ron told us ages ago, day he found out."

"I'm sorry," Lily said quietly.

"It's alright," Katie said, placing a hand on hers. "I didn't expect anything, but you- err- I'm sorry for- well- you know. I hope you're happy there, Lily."

"Thanks," Lily said.

"I'll see you next term, Gin," Katie said, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder as she passed towards the exit. "You'll probably have to try out for Keeper. I doubt Ron'll lose his spot, now that he's gone and gotten us the Cup."

Ginny just grunted in response as Katie passed, the door swinging shut behind her.

"Lily, what was that?" Ginny asked.

"Nothing," Lily lied, surprised by how long the happiness was lingering. "Nothing at all."

She splashed some more water on her face, hoping that would clear some of it up. She still felt so confused, still felt dirty and wrong, but that fuzzy, warm feeling didn't want to go away, either.

She had a lot of things she needed to figure out, it seemed, if she had any chance of obtaining the normalcy she desired.

"Lily, seriously," Ginny said as they stepped out of the train car. "What was that?"

"Nothing," Lily said again. She gave the crowd a scan, searching for the Weasleys. There were a lot of people still milling about, taking up every spot. But, even so, there was one section that was almost empty, with just a single man standing in it. He was wearing fancy, red robes, his hair and beard well groomed, his eyes lighting up at the same time hers did, right when they locked with each other.

"Lily, come on, I saw you-"

"Sirius!" Lily called out in surprise, running forward with a huge smile on her face.

"There she is!" Sirius said, letting out a happy cheer as he scooped Lily into a tight hug.

"You came!" Lily said.

"Did you think I wouldn't?" Sirius said with a raised eyebrow. Lily wasn't going to answer that question. She glanced around at the platform, noticing the wide berth everybody was giving her godfather, including the Weasley family standing at the edge of the crowd.

"Is it over?" Lily asked nervously.

"Sure is," Sirius said with a laugh. "I'm a free man, as of today, and Peter's on his way to Azkaban. Err- Some people just need to get used to the idea, I suppose. Can't blame them. I'd feel the same, in their position."

"Are you coming back with us?" Lily asked, looking over at the still nervous Weasleys (except Ron, of course). Molly, at least, offered her a kind smile and wave.

"They already invited me," Sirius said, following her line of sight. "They just wanted to give us some space. I'm afraid you'll be seeing a lot more of from here on out, if you don't mind."

"I don't," Lily said, not able to get rid of her smile. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this way. Perhaps Lupin was right, after all.

Maybe things did get better.