What the fuck just happened. Callie thought
It seems like this was the thought all of you also had… I thought you all would be able to guess it.
ROBBINS - Spot on!
Rest all: I hope this will end your curiosity.
Enjoy the chapter
It has been two days since Arizona's freak-out. Two days since she had had any contact with Callie. Two days since she left Callie wondering 'what happened.
First, Callie tried to contact Arizona by sending messages or calling her, but later she dropped it and decided that it would be better if she gave Arizona some time. So, here they were two days later with no contact.
It was Sunday evening, and Callie had it enough; she had given Arizona enough time, she decided to go to Arizona's place and clear things out. As Arizona lives across the park, she decided to walk to her house.
Arizona, on the other hand, was dealing with her dilemma. She wanted to talk to Callie but couldn't understand how to. The reason that was running in her mind was ridiculous but altogether real. She picked up her phone 100 times to call Callie and disconnected the call immediately every time. Usually sorted and organized, Arizona's brain was a total mess. Since the last two days, she ran a thousand scenarios in her head, which mostly ended with Callie giving up on her and leaving. Arizona was going out of her mind, at least in the last two days she had work to do, but today was her off day, and as they say, an empty mind is a devil's workshop. Therefore, to distract herself, she started doing the thing she does the best- clean. She has been cleaning since morning. Even though she shifted recently, she took out all her clothes and rearranged them, deep cleaning the cooking range and the cupboards. Vacuuming the whole house and rearranging flowerpots, she did it all. By 4 in the evening, her leg was killing her, so she decided to take a hot bath to relax her muscles. She was preparing her dinner when her doorbell rang
"Who that might be?" Arizona thought.
As she opened the door, she came face to face with soaking and shivering Callie. "Callie…what-?" Arizona stutter in confusion. "You are drenched… come on in; you'll catch a cold," Arizona said, pulling Callie in the warmth of her house.
"I d-d-decided to w-w-walk here, and it s-s-started to rain," Callie said, trembling.
"God! Callie… go to the bathroom and changes. I'll get you some clothes," Arizona said
"N-No, I want to talk" Callie refused
"Callie! You'll get sick… please… change," Arizona exclaimed
"No!... F-f-first I need to know-" Callie argued, but Arizona cut her off.
"I promise we will talk, but please change first," Arizona said, pushing Callie towards the bathroom.
Callie wanted to protest, but resistance was leaving her body with every passing second and was getting replaced by the cold seeping through her clothes. So, she decided it was wiser to change and not die with hypothermia.
Arizona went to the room and brought a top and jogger for Callie.
"Callie?" She said, knocking on the bathroom door, "take the clothes."
Callie peeked from behind the door and took clothes from Arizona, and went to take a warm bath.
While Callie was taking a bath, Arizona nervously started to finish her dinner. "Shit! What am I supposed to tell her?" She thought.
Arizona was deep in thought when Callie came from behind and tapped on Arizona's shoulder, an action which startled Arizona a little.
"Sorry, I was calling your name, but you didn't respond," Callie said nervously. While coming to the house, she was so determined to get the answer, but now that she was here, her confidence was breaking down, and nervousness was taking its place.
"It's ok; I was just thinking," Arizona said. "Wine?" she offered
"Hell yeah!" Callie replied, frantic to feel the warmth this bitter liquid would bring.
They both went to sit on either side of the couch and sipped their wine in quiet and silence, listening to the light pitter-patter of raindrops out on the balcony. After a moment or two, Arizona cleared her throat and said, "So, how was your day, or should I say last two days?"
"Seriously?!" Callie said with raised eyebrows in irritation, "that's your first word to me in two days?"
"Well, actually my first words where you are drenched… so…" Arizona tried to joke
"It's not funny, Arizona," Callie said irritably.
"Ok…ok… I am sorry, I guess I was trying to avoid talking about what you are here for," Arizona said meekly.
"For how long you are going to avoid talking… I tried giving you space, but enough is enough, Arizona, you are not returning my calls, not even replying to my messages… what the hell is going on" Callie said the last part a little loudly.
"I- I… don't know… I mean, I do know, but…." Arizona replied
"But? But what?" Callie said urgently.
"But… I can't explain."
"What!?… that's preposterous…you know what's wrong, but you don't know how to explain?" Callie said, frowning.
"Believe it or not, Callie, it's true," Arizona said, getting up from the couch. "I am unable to eloquent my thoughts and feeling properly."
Callie also stood up from the couch and went to stand in front of Arizona. "So you are telling me that YOU… the Arizona Robbins… is unable to explain something?" Callie said, chuckling while Arizona just rolled her eyes "well, that's new."
"I am just afraid that I will say something that will piss you off," Arizona replied calmly
Callie was getting desperate and flapped her arms in frustration "Arizona! We decided that we would not hide anything from each other… in fact, you decided it… and I am not going to be pissed, and not talking about it is not making me feel any better."
"But what if you get mad and run away," Arizona shouted.
"It's me … I will not run away," Callie replied
"But what if you did… what if you leave me" Arizona was not almost shouting
"Dios! Arizona… I AM NOT GONNA LEAVE YOU," Callie shouted adamantly
"BUT YOU DID! YOU DID LEAVE ME CALLIE!" Arizona shouted back
Suddenly, there was silence; Callie felt like the wind was knocked out of her lungs.
"Arizona!" Callie breathed, "I…." She tried to say, but nothing came out.
"You left me, Callie," Arizona said, dejectedly, eyes filled with tears.
"I know Arizona … I came to New York behind Penny and left you there all alone… and I am sorry I made you go through that, but believe-" Callie tried to explain, but Arizona interrupted.
"I am not talking about that."
"Then?" Callie asked, confused.
Arizona didn't reply immediately; she went to the kitchen and refilled her wine glass.
"Would you like a refill?" she asked Callie
"No, I'm good," Callie replied, patiently waiting for Arizona to speak.
Arizona took her glass and went back to sit on the couch again, and gestured for Callie to sit with her. Callie was getting frantic, but she kept quiet and sat down on the sofa in front of Arizona.
"I am not talking about you leaving me to come to New York, Callie. I am not talking about you moving for Penny… I am talking about you leaving me…." Arizona stopped to take a deep breath.
The next part that Arizona said might seem small to some people, maybe even for Callie, but that part was the biggest heartbreak Arizona had ever experienced. That's why it took Arizona a lot of effort to say that without breaking down. After what it seems forever but was like two seconds, Arizona gathered herself up and said almost in a whisper, "leaving me… at the therapist's office."
There was a deadly silence; Callie was shocked because, in all these years, they argued over the house or amputation, they fought for Sofia and much other stuff, but the day Callie ended their relationship, it never came up.
"Arizona, I thought you were not bothered by that anymore," Callie said after a while
Arizona nodded with a sad smile. "how can I not be Callie? That was the day I lost everything... obviously, I am not over it."
"Arizona, I told you we were not in a good place; staying together would have destroyed us and-" Callie tried to explain, but Arizona interrupted.
"Did you know?"
"What?"
"That you were going to leave me?" Arizona asks in a vulnerable voice
Callie shook her head unconvincingly but couldn't say anything; she was still confused about what exactly Arizona was trying to say.
"Arizona… I am sorry, I don't know what you are trying to say"
"Did you know that you were going to leave me the next day?" Arizona replied firmly
Callie was still in a state of confusion. "Next day… wha..-" and then it dawned upon Callie what Arizona is talking about. "Oh god!" Callie whispered, covering her mouth with her hand in shock.
Arizona had tears falling down her face. "You knew, right? You knew that you were going to leave me the next day, and that's why you had to have one last lay because you knew that after that day, everything was going to end. The 29th day of our temporary separation was the day you decided to leave me, and that's why you came to me."
Arizona was looking straight into Callie's eyes with accusation, and all Callie could do was stare back at her. "Why Callie? That was the day I felt the happiest after a very long time… that was the day I felt connected to you at the level which was there when we got married. That was the day I thought I found my life back… little did I know that the love I was feeling was the reminiscence of your old love for me and that on that night, you were getting rid of all of it…."
This statement was enough for Callie to bring her out of her daze, as these words felt like the slap of her face. She immediately clasped Arizona's hand. "No, Arizona, that's not true… please don't say that," She begged
"Then what is the truth Callie" Arizona roared. "You left me the very next day; there I was confessing my love for you, realizing what my life is without you, and if I have you, there is nothing I need, and all that time, you were preparing your own speech for leaving me?"
"NO!" Callie shouted. "It's not true… believe me, it's not true."
"Then what was it, Callie? Why did you make me fall into the false sense of security? Why did you come to me the previous night and …" Arizona couldn't finish the sentence as a sob replaced the last words.
Callie stood up from her place on the sofa and kneeled in front of Arizona. She took her face in her hand and said, "Arizona look at me" Arizona complied
"It's not what you think; I swear I didn't plan all this."
"Then Why, Callie, why did you leave me. Never in my life, I felt so humiliated… so … used" the innocence and vulnerability in Arizona's voice broke Callie's heart.
She wiped her tears and placed light kisses on both cheeks.
"I still remember that day; I had enough of our distances, I was missing you… I was missing your smell, your touch… it has been so long since I have kissed you that I was craving for you and there you were sitting on the chair craning your neck, it was so attractive that, in that moment, I had to be close to you. I had also been drinking-"
"So that was a drunken mistake," Arizona said irritably
"No!" Callie exclaimed "no-no, it wasn't a mistake, it was not fake… it was just me feeling you again in that moment… it was all about that moment… I was not thinking about the day after or the days before that… all I wanted was to be with you, physically, emotionally, spiritually." She took a deep breath. "Believe me when I say, if I had any intention of ending things the next day, I would not have approached you."
Arizona didn't say anything and kept looking down on her lap.
"do you believe me? Callie asked
Arizona lifted her face to look at Callie. "If you had no intention to end things with me, then why did you?"
Callie got up from her place and went to stand next to the balcony window; inhaling the smell of moist soil that rain had bought, she took a deep breath.
"You remember when the therapist told us that we have to stay away from each other for 30 days, how miserable I was in the first few days. So many times, I tried to talk to you… one time we even kissed?" Callie said, turning her face towards Arizona, and she nodded.
"Yeah! I was determined to see those 30 days through," Arizona said
"I know, right! You were following that rule so religiously… but I was finding it very hard to even breath and not talk to you," Callie said, "then days got changed into weeks, and then things started getting a bit easier… without you to think about … I started feeling free again… after so many years I danced in my underwear again and that then I realized that all this time I was just -"
"Feeling suffocated," Arizona said in a broken voice.
the hurt on Arizona's face was so evident that its broke Callie's heart; she went back to sit next to Arizona and pulled her in half-hug. "No, sweetie, no, you were not suffocating me," she tried to explain
"But you said so," Arizona said meekly, "in the therapist's office."
"I thought that… those few days of freedom… those few days when I didn't think about you, or our marriage were liberating… I agree… but that was the issue… it was for a few days only … what I didn't understand was that it was temporary… that, what I was feeling in that moment was the temporary relief from the recent events and not our lifelong marriage…before all this, our relationship was perfect. We were happy with each other, but after the accidents and the following incidents, all those nice, warm feelings got blurred by this toxic fog... and I was blinded enough not to be able to look past that fog, maybe if she had asked us to stay away for another month, I would have realized it sooner that all we needed was a break and not freedom from each other" Callie explained
"But you did feel better; you were happy and liberated and free, while you were feeling suffocated with me." Arizona snapped a little.
Callie took a deep breath and steadied herself; she took her time to articulate her thoughts. "Every relationship needs work, Arizona, be it a marriage or friendship… even if you are the perfect couple, it needs to have some work done on it to maintain it that way. Ours needed a little more. We met, fell in love, and got married, and for a very long time, it was easy and full of love, but the shit we went through tends to leave some scars. Maybe our timings were not right; everything just fell apart altogether. Your accident, our fight, the cheating incident… everything happened quickly. We didn't give our relationship time to breathe after coming out of that trauma. We were so in desperation of making everything back to normal that we took a bigger bite than we could chew, you with your fellowship, me with my bionic limb… and if that was not enough, we decided to through a kid in the mix, it was bound to take a toll" Callie said with a chuckle.
"Yeah! That was… messy," Arizona said lightly
"I know, right! I mean, I am an orthopedic surgeon, and I couldn't even understand that there is so much load you can put on a new limb before it breaks, and the amount of pressure we put on our relationship was… uff… no wonder it shattered," Callie replied.
They were quiet for a while, but it wasn't uncomfortable; it wasn't uneasy; it was like a calm after the storm. Both were reliving the incident which led to their breakup. If only they could understand all of this before, life would have been something else.
"We still need to work on us," Arizona said after a while
"Huh?" Callie asked as she was lost in her thoughts.
"We would still require so much work on us… on our relationship… and … and I am afraid that you might think it too much and you will leave me," Arizona said on the verge of tears.
"NO! I will not," Callie said with conviction
"How can you say that? You don't know what we will go through moving forwards, and if our history is any evidence, it could be something nasty… what if YOU or I started feeling that it's not worth giving so much energy?" Arizona said desperately
"Arizona, it's not going to happen."
"You don't know that Callie, how can you know that?" Arizona asked anxiously.
"Because I understand the things better now. Because now, I am willing to do anything to keep us together… because now I know that 'apart' is not the place for us… it's together."
"Only until something else comes up, and you start to feel suffocated again," Arizona said, feet bouncing in fear.
Callie sat in front of Arizona and took her fidgeting hands in hers.
"It. Is. Not. Going. To. Happen," Callie said, slowly emphasizing each word.
"Why… How can-"
"Because…" Callie interrupted by placing one hand on Arizona's face and looking deeply into Arizona's eyes
"I know I am not going to feel suffocated or trapped by you… because now I know that you are it for me… because I want myself to be surrounded by you always… because Arizona Robbins, I made a mistake by letting you go the last time, and I won't make that mistake again."
"why" Arizona whispered
Callie smiled a little, and then she took a deep breath before whispering back
"because…I Love you."
Dun dun dun!
What will happen next? Will Arizona freak out or reciprocate the feeling?
Stay tuned to find out more.
Jokes apart!
I hope you liked my reason for Arizona's freak-out. I hope you enjoyed how it went ahead from there.
It seems like nobody cares about the other story or is not interested until I finish this… haha... :-D Understandable, divulging into a new story would only delay this. So, I would first update it and keep writing that as well. I will see about posting that later.
Thank you all for the fantastic reviews. To all the old ones, thank you for staying with me and this story. For the new welcome. I hope you are enjoying it.
As always, please shower me with the biggest motivation- Your reviews!
Stay Safe!
I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy new year!