Ho! Ho! Ho!
Merry Christmas Everyone.
I decided to give a Christmas present and post a chapter.
I was overwhelmed by the response to the last one. I thought I was the only one who thought that Arizona shouldn't be blamed alone... what Callie did was no less. Africa thing was not Arizona fault. Callie was not right either.
A little bit of Rambling which I wanted to do:
A few days back I was re-watching Grey's and realized a few things
Behind Calzona's Africa break up it was Richard and Mark. Mark unnecessarily meddled and manipulated Callie before she was leaving just because he didn't want her to leave, and Richard talked about great ideas but what were those?. even after when Callie stayed, he didn't give her any opportunity or anything.
Many might disagree but I hated Mark when he used to speak in their relationship. He was always meddling and interrupting and whatnot. He never treated Arizona right. I loved Mark and Lexie but I can't stand him when he was always between them and Callie supported him blindly.
Okay, I am done with my rambling. I wanted to let this out for so long and nobody near me watch greys like I do so I poured my heart out here. Hope y'all don't mind.
Now Let go ahead with the story.
"Because … I Love you."
It felt like the world stopped around them. Callie looked into Arizona's eyes with determination; she was confident about her confession. She loves Arizona; of course, she does, she always has. Maybe in recent years, that love has taken a back seat, but it was never gone, not entirely. The woman in front of her was the mother of her child, her partner, her rock when things went south, and above that, she was the reason Callie could walk tall again after Erica and George's fiasco. Her relationship with Arizona was the one thing that made Callie Torres shine again. After her breakup and divorce, everybody in the hospital looked at Callie like an immature, impulsive, crazy chick who is an excellent ortho surgeon. Still, her relationship with Arizona gave her the stability that helped her shine through the cloud of her past. Maybe over time, she forgot the effect of the one and only Arizona had on Callie, but now Callie knew that she was and has always been a constant in her life. So yes, she was sure that she loved Arizona with all her heart, and now she was waiting for Arizona to respond.
"Callie…I" Arizona said like a breath.
"I… I know it's out of nowhere… and it's okay if you don't say it back… I didn't say so that you can say it back-" Callie said rapidly
"I wasn't going to say… it," Arizona said, standing up from the couch. Even though it was expected, Callie felt a little bad for Arizona's blunt refusal.
In the last four years, all Arizona wanted was for Callie to say these three words, and now when she was there, sitting in front of her telling exactly what she always wanted to hear, Arizona doesn't know how to feel about it. A small part of her is delighted that caused butterflies to erupt in her stomach, but another part has her heart filled with unsettling fear. All the past heartbreak, spoken words, and rational and irrational uncertainties have come rushing down on her. Now when Callie is sitting in front of her confessing her feelings, all she can think about is the day she was at the same spot, confessing her feelings for Callie and instead got her heart stomped on at the therapist's office. She can't help but wonder how long it will take Callie, this time to realize that she is trapped in the relationship and she wants out, or she is suffocated and wants to breathe.
"I understand if you have some reservation-" Callie said
"Some? I don't have SOME reservations, Callie; I have doubts, major doubts," Arizona stated
"What doubts about what?"
"About you… About...us," Arizona said defeatedly
"Arizona, you need to elaborate a little sweety, I am not understanding," Callie asked, confused. "You doubt that whether we are going to last… or that this whole new chapter thing going to fail? What?"
Arizona let a defeated sigh before speaking, "Callie, you have always been an impulsive person, and I loved that about you… you don't analyse the situation; you don't overthink; you take the leap and make your life adventurous, and don't get me wrong, I don't want you to change. But sometimes, this impulsiveness scares me. You said that you momentarily got threatened to be with me again at the therapist office, and without giving it a second thought, you ended us… just like that… you told me that day that you want to take some time off for yourself, but within like what... seconds? You were dating other people and soon after that you fell in love with someone else, and here I was still crying myself to sleep. Watching you fall in love with someone that easily, broke me, Callie. It made me realise how unhappy you must be with me that it didn't take you any time to replace me. How desperate you must be to get away from me. Day after day, Seeing you parading your dates in the hospital or watching you go on dates with all sorts of people forced me to believe that you weren't hurting like I was… so there must be a reason that we didn't work out … what made you think that we will this time?" Arizona's face was drenched with tears falling continuously, giving evidence of the years of hurt buried in Arizona's heart.
"I thought that the day you left me was the most painful day of my life that it was the worst I ever felt until I saw you fall in love with someone you just met. When I saw my daughter hugging my replacement, broke me. Watching you fall in love so easily, broke me… watching you move across the country for that person… Broke me, Callie. So yes, when you say you love me makes me wonder… till when?" Arizona said, looking into Callie's eyes.
"Arizona… I have always loved you… you were always the one… you should know that" Callie said with fortitude.
"I should?" Arizona asked sadly. "Tell me, Callie, how should I know that… because from where I am standing, you loved Penny a lot more than you ever loved anyone."
Callie was shocked to hear that; never in her life, she thought that anyone could question her love, primarily Arizona; Callie was the one who always loved with passion, she fell fast and hard, and she loved Arizona with every fiber of her being, and today the same person is questioning her love for herself "How can you even think that Arizona!" Callie said, sounding a little offended
"How?" Arizona said with a light chuckle "When you talk about a woman you went out on two dates and felt the instant connection, a connection that gives you butterflies… a woman with whom you went on two dates, and you couldn't stop thinking about… made me think that she meant more."
Callie tried to say something, but Arizona wasn't finished "When you fight with half the hospital for her… and even convince Meredith… then I thought that she meant more."
Callie wanted to interrupt and say something, but Arizona was not having it, she continued her rant but without any hint of accusation. It was like she actually believed what all she was saying. "You and Mark made me feel the worst person for accepting the Grant, THE CARTER MADISON GRANT, a grant which was not only the biggest achievement in my Career but also would have changed the lives of thousands of kids. You made me question the whole ordeal by being cranky and sarcastic and unbearable and I understood... I get it that we have been dating for only 2 years by then, why you would move to Africa for 3 years with me? And that's why I gave you an out… I know you wouldn't be happy in Africa… you would have resented me, but when you moved to New York for Penny only after dating her for a few months… it made sure that you loved her more than you ever loved me.
Until now Arizona voice was calm but laced with years of hurt but the next part, she said had a hint of resentment among other things "… I was Sofia's mother since before she was born but you made everyone question my motherhood in the court… you questioned my commitment and my love for my daughter… you made it clear that I was extra in that perfect little Family of 3… you and Mark and Sofia … I just came along… an unwanted third wheel. I was her mother and you tried to prove otherwise and on the other hand… you were ready to make Penny her other parent… so yes, I feel… no actually… I believe that you loved Penny more than you ever loved me" Arizona concluded with a heavy sigh and sat down on the couch defeatedly.
There was a cacophonous silence after that. Callie was standing, stunned with the recent revelation. She knew she screwed up big time with the custody battle, but she never thought that the cumulative effect of all those incidents can cause Arizona to believe that she was less important than anybody in her life. Hearing Arizona she could only think of one line which Penny said before breaking up with her
"You are not a Saint Dr Calliope Torres" And she was correct she was far from a saint, she was the culprit, the culprit of the woman sitting in front of her. Yes, Arizona cheated on her and that was the worst thing she could have done but what She did to Arizona was no less horrible.
"I am not blaming you," Arizona said in such a low voice that if Callie hadn't seen her lips moving, she would have missed it "It's not your fault that you couldn't love me the way I loved you… there are no obligations to love the person with the same intensity… I forced myself on to you… I might have asked you to marry me too soon and you were hormonal and emotional and couldn't think that through… I should have given you some time and that would have cleared things up. I was being selfish and blinded by my love for you… you were not quite there and maybe you never were and if penny would have come earlier then you might have realized that I wasn't the one for you." Arizona finally looked into Callie's eyes and saw the tears streaming down on her face. She got up from her place and took Callie's face in her hands "Believe me Callie I am not blaming you or saying anything to hurt you… but in the last two days, I have been analyzing every moment of our relationship that's why I am putting everything in front of you. I am not spotless here, maybe you loved me once and after my amputation, the way I treated you or after my infidelity, maybe you fell out of love for me, but I do believe that you loved Penny more than me" Arizona took a deep breath and removed her hand from her face to grab her hand "… and it's okay if that is the truth… I won't say that it doesn't bother me because that would be a lie but… I'll understand… but what I am afraid of is… what if Penny comes back and your love for her reignited…or something else comes up… I lost you once Callie and it was the most difficult thing for me to do but if that happens again, I won't be able to survive that… losing you is not something I can do again." Arizona concluded.
All this time Callie was quiet and standing still in shock. The whole conversation aside, her mind was set on one thing and one thing only that was, that Arizona thinks… no believes, that she loved Penny more than she loves Arizona. That's preposterous, unreal that anyone can think that but given the circumstances and the things that happened she understand where Arizona was coming from. Even if the thought that Callie can love anyone more is downright outrageous but anybody in Arizona's position would think the same. Callie knew all this, but it didn't stop her from feeling dejected. Callie knew she needs to say something, anything but she also knew that only words cannot undo the years of hurt and pain.
If Arizona is insecure then Callie must make sure she makes her feel protected in their relationship. Arizona by now has left her hand and went to sit on the armchair. She didn't coax Callie to say anything instead she waited for her to speak her mind as well. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, she has spoken her side of the story but now she was afraid of the consequence. No matter how scared she was but there is nothing more that Arizona wants than to be with Callie, to be a family again. She looked at Callie intently, patiently waiting for her to say something… anything.
Callie took a deep breath which made her shoulders move and like a magnet, watching Callie move Arizona sat a little straighter with heavy breathing and pounding heart she prepared herself for the response.
Callie cleared a throat a little "Ahem… umm… Arizona" But before she could say anything there came a loud knock which startled both the women. Arizona shot up from her place, giving an apologetic look to Callie and went reluctantly to open the door.
"Hi Mama," Sofia came in bouncing and her eyes fell on Callie "Mami!, you are here too," Sofia said and ran to Hug Callie.
"Hi Mija, how was your Karate Class," Callie said kissing her daughter temple.
"Awesome" Sofia said in Arizona like manner "I kicked, Danny's ass"
"Sofia! Language" Arizona chastised while Callie laughed loudly "You! Don't encourage her" She said to Callie but she couldn't help but smile.
Sofia's arrival broke the tension which was there between them. They couldn't continue their conversation. As Sofia went to change her clothes, they both looked towards each other
"Will continue this later" Arizona said lightly.
Callie nodded with a light smile "There is so much I wanna say to you, but this is the right time, Dinner tomorrow, I'll have Clyde watch Sofia?"
"Oh, I can't tomorrow, we have a few cases coming in from Texas and Arkansas, I might not be able to come home in time," Arizona said apologetically.
"Oh... okay," Callie said little disappointed "let me know when you have time, we really need to talk about this"
Arizona gave a firm nod with a smile when Sofia came running.
"Mija, no running in the house"
"Sorry Mami," Sofia said "Mami, will you have dinner with us?"
"Oh... umm well…" Callie stuttered; she wasn't sure if Arizona would be okay with this.
Understanding Callie's confusion Arizona said quickly "Callie… stay… Have Dinner with us" which made Callie smile broadly.
"Well… I'd love to" Callie said pulling Sofia's cheek.
"Yay! I love it when we have dinner together" Sofia said jumping up and down "Mama, can we order Pizza, please?"
"Pizza! I made stir-fried broccoli rice and-" Arizona started to say but the scene in front of her made her stop. Upon hearing Broccoli Sofia formed a pout with a scrunched-up nose which resembled the pout which Callie was making just next to her. The similarity of the facial expression of Callie and Callie's mini-me was too cute for Arizona to argue. She raised her hand in defeat and said "Fine we'll have pizza" which was followed by the scream of yay from Latino mother and daughter "But Not Hawaiian" Arizona added firmly.
"Aww… you are no fun," Callie said pouting again
"Mami please" Sofia insisted
Arizona was trying to be firm, but the adorable duo was making it very difficult so finally she conceded "FINE! Order whatever you want"
Callie and Sofia ran towards the phone to order their favorite pizza while Arizona looked at them smiling contentedly. Her whole world was there in that room, in that minute there was nothing more or nothing less she ever wanted. All she wished was to seize this moment right here right now. A moment that was free of yesterdays pain and tomorrow's fear. Tomorrow might or might not bring the storm, but today she will enjoy these few fearless moments with her family... She will live in this moment today and tomorrow she will fight for more moments like these because every fight, every pain which leads to this is worth it.
With that thought, Arizona went to indulge herself in the battle of 'Pizza Toppings' which her daughter and girlfriend were having, if she has to eat pineapple on pizza, she will eat it with at least a few toppings of her liking.
Hope you like it. It was short but I wanted to post at least one chapter before the year ends. Please send me return gifts in form of your reviews.
Hope you all are safe, with this Omicron rising. I Can't believe it's been almost 2 years fighting this virus. Hope the new year will bring something good like - the freedom to breathe.
Stay safe
Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New year.