Breakups are hard. There's no two ways about it. I don't know if you could call what happened between me and Owen a breakup, exactly, but it sure felt like one. I may be alone in this sentiment, but in addition to the sting of rejection (and by "sting", I mean "dagger through my heart"), I have this thing where I hate myself for ever getting emotionally attached to someone in the first place, like being hurt by them was somehow MY fault for trusting them. Maybe it's a little victim-blamey, but I can't help it. It's just so frustrating knowing that someone is able to hurt me, that they have that CONTROL over my emotions. And all the red flags I was suddenly seeing in retrospect only made things worse. Owen was a dumpster fire of a human being, and I hated myself for ever seeing him as a desirable prospect. Worse still, I despised my fragile heart for STILL wanting him. We hadn't seen each other since the big tiff, but he had sent me several "apology" cards, including today's package, which included a bouquet of flowers. Mostly, he wrote things like "Can we talk?" or "I want to make things right," which barely counted as an attempt to make amends, if that was even the intent at all. For all I knew, the requested "talk" would be an elaboration on his previous points, which would only end up making me feel worse.
So why was my first instinct to go running back to him?
I guess we all have our toxic habits, and we shouldn't be blamed when we're on the receiving end of emotional abuse. But I really, really hated myself for loving him, for letting him hurt me over and over again. Owen wouldn't change. Maybe he couldn't change. I don't really know what his deal was, but every time things started going right for us, he'd end up breaking my heart again. That was on him, obviously, but still, I vowed that this time I would learn my lesson. If Owen really loved me, he'd have made an effort to show it, instead of clinging to his arrogant habits, which were already outdated by the Dark Ages. It was never the board shorts or tequila that bothered me, but the principle of it all. It wasn't that Owen looked scruffy, it was that he hadn't made an effort to present himself properly for me. It wasn't that he offered me tequila, it was that he refused to respect my wishes when I repeatedly declined. And you know, for someone who never bothered to change his clothes or honor his date's diet, he sure seemed to have a problem with dating someone who was covered in scales, and who had the delicate figure of a walrus.
Not that I disagreed with his taste, mind you.
Yeah, I don't want to say that Moonwatcher was right about the eating disorder thing, because I wasn't quite there yet, but I was definitely having some problems with body-image. But that was fair, right? I mean, there's a world of difference between feeding into BMI-related delusions and literally waking up as a four-thousand-pound dinosaur every day. But it wasn't just the weight, if I'm being honest. Mostly, I was just upset that no one would ever love me like this.
Especially not Owen.
I flung his bouquet through the bars of my cage, sitting with my tail curled around my knees, sobbing quietly.
"Claire, forget about him."
I growled.
"Shut up, Eli! I know you don't care about my feelings!"
He nodded.
"Correct, but here's the thing: I am really, really sick of hearing about them all the time. Can't you just get over it?"
This was the point where I could shut him down by bringing up his nightly emotional breakdowns, but I had integrity, first of all, and second, I was too upset to be mean.
"Leave me alone, Eli."
"Is this going to continue for much longer? I'm not sure I can-"
"SHUT UP!"
He snorted.
"Look, just get back together with him or don't. There's no need to get emotional."
"I'm NEVER getting back together with Owen," I sniffled.
"Why not? You two are so much alike."
"How?"
"Well, I can't stand either of you, first of all . . ."
I snarled and turned away.
"Also, you're both terrible people."
I didn't reply.
"And that's not even getting into how toxic you two are . . ."
When I refused to acknowledge him, he gave up.
"God, I wish you were this quiet all the t-"
He jumped as Moonwatcher burst through the doors, carrying a pile of clothing that I recognized immediately.
"Hey, Claire! I brought some of your old stuff over, just in case we need to design you something that fits your style. We can't retrieve what you were wearing when you changed, unfortunately, because it's kind of . . . stuck inside of you, only not in a literal sense . . . it's gone until you change back, is what I'm saying."
I nodded. She slid the laundry into my cage and put her hands behind her back.
"Pick out a few items so we can get a sense of your taste. If you want to stay naked, that's fine too, but it might help to . . . uh . . ."
My face was buried in the fabric. I inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of Human Claire. I never thought I'd miss my own smell, but then again, I never thought I'd miss a LOT of things.
It was just one more reminder that the monster I had become was no longer Claire Dearing.
***TSJWFKFEW***
The next day, I awoke to the sound of a miserable groan. I rolled over and saw Eli lying on his side, eyes glazed over with pain. He was so pale that his scales were almost pink, and his ribs were showing through his side. His mouth hung open, tongue stretching out as he bellowed in agony. I sat up quickly and grabbed the bars of my cage.
"Eli? . . . Eli!"
His eyes wandered over to me, but didn't quite focus on where I was standing. His head dropped, and he closed his eyes, wincing through severe nausea.
"Agh . . ."
"Eli, are you sick?"
He very clearly was, but instead of a sarcastic quip, he stammered a single request.
"G-get help . . ."
I unlocked my cage and darted out of the lab. As much as I hated Eli, I knew that his situation was dire, and that he needed medical attention immediately. There was no way he was faking it, either. He looked downright miserable. Luckily for me, I found someone who could help. When I came back with Franklin riding on my back, Eli seemed even more confused.
"He can help you. You're part machine, right?"
He didn't have the strength to argue. I opened his cage (the code was 5129), and he didn't even try to make a break for it. He could barely move, unless you count the sudden tremors he was exhibiting.
"Oh, no . . . Oh, no . . ."
Franklin hadn't stepped into the cage with me. I grabbed him by the collar and dragged him inside.
"This man needs help!"
Franklin practically hung from the bars.
"I'm not a doctor, and that's not a man!"
I yanked him down.
"Fix him!"
"I thought you hated him!"
"I do, but he could die if he doesn't get help soon."
"SO CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
I shook him.
"Franklin. He's going to DIE."
He looked down at Eli, who met his gaze with an equal amount of terror. Franklin gulped and shuffled towards him.
"I-I'm not a mechanic. I don't know how to fix him, and even if I did, I can't get to any of his-"
Suddenly, Eli's side popped open, much like a car door. What lay beneath was a tangle of tubes and organs, plus a few trails of wire. It was repulsive and magnificent, and it nearly made Franklin faint. I turned away and hopped out of the cage.
"Do what you can."
"Where are you going?"
"To get more help."
"You're just gonna leave me here?!"
"I can't look at his insides. It makes me violent."
(I shouldn't have admitted that. I could have ripped him apart and said I was just trying to help.)
I clutched my head, fighting the urge to turn back. Luckily, Moonwatcher dashed into the room at that very moment.
"Move! Let me see Eli!"
How did she know that he was in danger? . . .
Eli lifted his head.
"Moonwatcher . . ." he rasped, "Need . . . to talk . . . alone . . ."
She pushed Franklin aside.
"Take Claire outside."
"What about me?" Wheatley yapped, "Do I get to-"
Three darts to the neck answered his question. Moonwatcher pointed to the door.
"Out. Now."
I turned to leave, but stopped when I saw an orange cat standing at my feet. It meowed.
"Uh . . ."
Moonwatcher slammed Eli's side-door shut and did a double-take, gawking at the cat.
"What the hell? . . ."
I narrowed my eyes.
"Wait, that looks like Roben's cat . . ."
Moonwatcher's lips tightened.
"Did you say 'Roben'? . . ."
"Yeah, Roben Smeth. She was an employee at Jurassic World. She went missing-"
"Around the time you got an allosaurus exhibit, right?"
I batted my eyes.
"Yes! How did you-"
"I think she got sniped."
"Sn-"
"Look, we'll discuss this later. Go. Take the cat with you."
I handed the feline to Franklin as we marched out the door.
"Take this to your hotel room."
He curled his lips.
"Ew, it's wet!"
I snarled.
"Franklin!"
He flinched.
"O-okay. Fine. I'm going."
We parted ways once outside, and my heart quivered with guilt. I had just lashed out multiple times at one of my best friends, specifically the one who was the least equipped to handle my outbursts. I should be better than this, even under pressure. What was wrong with me?
"Excuse me, miss!"
My eyes widened as a small velociraptor waddled towards me.
"Would you be interested in signing my petition requesting that the Toronto Raptors change their name?"
"No, thank you," I said distantly, sidestepping him.
He pursued me as I jogged away hurriedly.
"Please reconsider. Their mascot is a deeply offensive caricature, and it has no place in a dinosaur-integrated society."
"Look, I really don't want to-"
"You're gonna be on the wrong side of history, miss. It's 2075."
I tensed up.
"2075? . . ."
"Of course."
I dug my toes into the ground.
"Oh, forget it! I'm sick and tired of this ridiculous island! This whole world is just a bunch of nonsense piled up on a base of . . . MORE NONSENSE!"
He blinked with transparent eyelids.
"Where have you been for the past century?"
"IN THE REAL WORLD, WHERE RAPTORS DON'T TALK AND LIFE MAKES SENSE!"
His feathers bristled.
"Oh . . . So you're one of those dinosaurs . . ."
I growled menacingly.
"I'm not a dinosaur."
As I turned to leave, I found myself stepping into empty air. I had been standing at the perimeter of a construction site, it seemed, and I had made the mistake of- Well, you know.
As soon as I felt myself falling, my deeper instincts kicked in. My plates fluttered at full force, and I once again sprouted a pair of bat wings. I shot upwards, losing control at the vertex of my parabola and promptly plummeting into a sharp nosedive. I crashed at the entrance to the underground lab, right in front of an unfazed Moonwatcher.
"I was JUST coming up to find you. I guess we'd better get this bat stuff figured out, huh?"
All I could do was groan.
***TSJWFKFEW***
Long story short, Moonwatcher had somehow solved Eli's problem and tracked down someone who could help me with my bat situation. I would have been ecstatic if she had walked me through any of this, but being Moonwatcher, she just up and warped me into another world, where we met our chauffeur. By this point, I was already sick of random, unexplained occurrences, but I now found myself in some magical fantasy realm where giant, neon animals were basically gods, and nothing made any sense- EVEN MORE NOW.
Regardless, I soldiered on. Moonwatcher's contact seemed to be an old friend of the dragon from which Moonwatcher was extracted (I don't get it either. I imagine she was cloned as a human or something, but who knows?). This person seemed to be a recluse librarian who lived on a remote island that housed ancient texts. She specialized in the study of bats, which was relevant to our cause, obviously. And this brings me back to our ride.
I want you to imagine sitting on the back of a giant dolphin.
Now I want you to imagine sitting on the back of a giant seahorse.
Now I want you to imagine sitting on the back of a giant, orange, dolphin-seahorse hybrid who was far too keen to travel at mind-bending speeds.
It was NOT a pleasant ride.
"MoonwatchertellsmeyouareanalternateversionofQueenClairefromanotherdimensionisthattrue?"
I blinked.
"Uh . . ."
"InevermetQueenClairebutsheseemedlikeagoodrulereventhoughshedidn'tcomefromAsterparanotthatitmakesanydifferencebecauseasmygrandmotheralwayssaysyouaremorethanthelocationwhereyourfathersneezedyououthahaha."
I nodded slowly.
"AnywaymynameisJoshandifyoueverneedmetotakeyousomewheredonothesitatetoaskexceptIcanonlytravelacrosswaterorelseIwillgetbeachedanddieahorribledeathohlookwehavearrived."
He bucked me and Moonwatcher off his back. I ended up with a mouthful of sand, but Moonwatcher knew to tuck and roll. She didn't think to warn me, of course.
"We'll be back in a few hours," she stated, brushing herself off delicately, "Until then, be free, weird dolphin-seahorse guy!"
He frowned.
"GoshIreallymissElkaydoyouhaveanyideawhensheiscomingbackbecauseIamnotsureIlikeyouallthatm-"
"Bye!"
I gave the persimmon porpoise an awkward salute and followed Moonwatcher up a steep hill that led to a tall, marble edifice. The pathway was paved with opalescent stones, which I scuffed up a great deal with those awful claws of mine. When we reached the top, I saw an orange speck zipping in circles around the island, and realized that our transport had been travelling comparatively slow while we were aboard.
Jesus Christ.
We entered the library, which was mostly dark, save a few sunbeams that made the air glimmer with dust. There was a peculiar smell to the building, though I couldn't quite place it. My sniffing was interrupted by a sudden misstep, caused by a trail of slime. The floor was painted with some kind of slippery substance, which stuck to my feet in strings. I stuck out my tongue.
"Hey, Moonwatcher. Watch where you step."
"I know."
Great. Yet another bit of information she could have shared with me ahead of time.
"Jennifer! . . . Jen? . . . Are you home? . . ."
I sighed as Moonwatcher trotted across the library, cupping her hands around her mouth and calling our mysterious bat-expert. Deciding that she had the situation under control, I leaned against a large paperweight to wipe the slime off my feet.
It moved.
I stumbled away from the object with a frightened yelp. From the conical swirl emerged two antennae, which glowed green at the tips. They swivelled back and forth like limp periscopes, then were joined by a face and a tail.
"Hello."
I was petrified, but Moonwatcher, as per usual, was not fazed.
"Jen, hi! I didn't see you there!"
Oh, of fucking course.
The snail smiled, tucking a lock of hair behind her antenna shyly.
"Hello . . . Moonwatcher . . . I . . . didn't . . . expect . . . to . . . meet . . . you . . . this . . . early."
Oh, no.
"I . . . was . . . reading . . . a . . . lovely . . . book . . . and . . . must . . . have . . . fallen . . . asleep."
Moonwatcher raised her eyebrows.
"Is that so? Elkay did tell me how much you love to read."
"Oh . . . yes . . . I . . . very . . . much . . . enjoy . . . reading . . . books."
"And I very much enjoy writing them."
"Ha . . . ha . . . ha . . . So . . . I've . . . been . . . told."
I think my eye was twitching by this point.
"So . . . Moonwatcher . . . I . . . heard . . . you . . . were . . . looking . . . for . . . an . . . expert . . . on . . . Asterparan . . . bats."
"I certainly am! Claire, a little demonstration, if you please? . . ."
I spread my arms, turning them into wings. The snail's eyes went wide as she slunk towards me, running her bean-like hands over my frame.
"There's . . . no . . . doubt . . . about . . . it . . . She's . . . definitely . . . part . . . bat."
I nodded rapidly.
"Can you tell me how I got this way . . . preferably in five words or less? . . ."
Jen pursed her snail-lips.
"I . . . have . . . no . . . idea . . . The . . . last . . . bat . . . sighting . . . was . . . thirty . . . seven . . . years . . . ago."
"That's-"
"In . . . your . . . world's . . . years . . . that . . . is."
"Ah. So-"
"I'm . . . afraid . . . I . . . can . . . only . . . provide . . . you . . . with . . . an . . . incomplete . . . portrait . . . of . . . what . . . these . . . magnificent . . . animals-"
Okay, for the sake of time, I'm just going to sum up what she told us.
A long time ago, a race of giant bats used to live on Asterpara's smallest moon. They fed on Moon Cactus and made the sky bright with their hearts, which hummed at a frequency that set Moonrock aglow. This disturbed the Tigers, whose eyes were sensitive to the nighttime aura. One tiger decided to do something about this, and basically exterminated the bats in the what must have been the weirdest genocide ever. After that, the moon stopped glowing, though it still reflected the light of the sun. A few bats fled during the slaughter, but most were hunted down and killed by an elite squad of hyenadogs. And here's the real kicker. The hyenadogs were hired by the dragon Moonwatcher came from. She sought out their service in an attempt to impress the tiger.
"But . . . she . . . realized . . . that . . . she . . . had . . . made . . . a . . . big . . . mistake . . . soon . . . after . . ." Jen finished, "She . . . was . . . young . . . and . . . reckless . . . but . . . she . . . since . . . has . . . become . . . a . . . well . . . adjusted . . . person."
"Actually, she abandoned us all in our time of need," Moonwatcher corrected, "But that's okay, because I have everything under control. I'm ten times as responsible as she was, and I'm not even a dragon!"
"That's . . . still . . . not . . . very . . . responsible . . . Anyway . . . I've . . . spent . . . my . . . entire . . . life . . . trying . . . to . . . save . . . the . . . few . . . remaining . . . bats . . . but . . . the . . . last . . . two . . . vanished . . . without . . . a . . . trace."
"Could one of them have been related to Claire?" Moonwatcher asked.
"I . . . doubt . . . it . . . Bats . . . take . . . good . . . care . . . of . . . their . . . offspring . . . and . . . they . . . know . . . better . . . than . . . to . . . keep . . . secrets."
"Ah. Well, there goes our lead."
"It . . . is . . . said . . . however . . . that-"
Okay, let me summarize again.
It is said that a bat's urge to form a colony is so great that they'd travel large distances to find their kin. If any bats are still alive, they'd be instinctually drawn to the moon, where they belong. But they cannot return so long as they are being hunted by the tiger and the hyenadogs, of course. And this might be a problem, because the Moon Cacti will eventually overpopulate, causing the moon to crumble.
"Your world is so strange to me," I admitted, "It seems like your political system is totally screwed, what with all these kings and queens and prophecies about a hundred years of darkness, or whatever."
"What's worse is a four year cycle of determining whether you want to be fucked or slightly less fucked, but I guess that seems normal to you, right, Claire?"
Touché.
"Bats . . . are . . . vital . . . to . . . the . . . small . . . moon's . . . ecosystem . . . but . . . even . . . if . . . they . . . weren't . . . their . . . lives . . . are . . . worth . . . saving."
"Is it true that their neck-fur tastes like marzipan cotton candy?" Moonwatcher asked.
"Yes . . . and . . . their . . . droppings . . . are . . . like . . . giant . . . Skittles."
"I think you mean a non-trademarked circular candy," Moonwatcher corrected, eyes darting back and forth.
She leaned close to me.
"We haven't bought out Wrigley yet," she whispered, "But once we get the rights to their product, we'll be able to use their names in our stories. I'm sure we'll write something cool. It will be amazing and definitely not an embarrassing mistake on our part."
I nodded. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?
"They . . . also . . . bleed . . . orange . . . which . . . when . . . frozen . . . tastes . . . like . . . creamy . . . orangesicles."
"Are these bats made of candy?" I grumbled.
"Their . . . mucus . . . is . . . clear . . . and . . . filled . . . with . . . glitter-"
"And it tastes like sugar, right?" I snarked.
"No . . . it . . . has . . . no . . . taste . . . but . . . it . . . cures . . . AIDS."
I raised my eyebrows. Moonwatcher elbowed me jokingly.
"I'll bet Eli would kill to get some of that snot."
"Why's that?"
Moonwatcher blinked.
"Because he has AIDS, Claire."
My jaw dropped.
"You're kidding, right? . . ."
Her eyes went wide.
"Oh, fuck! I forgot you weren't there when he asked for his medication."
She shook her fist at the sky.
"DAMN YOU, THEORY OF MIND!"
I was aghast. My mind was on fire after bearing witness to this shocking revelation. I hadn't personally known anyone with AIDS, to the best of my knowledge, but having participated in a blood drive, I knew a great deal about how the world treated people who were even suspected of being HIV positive. And that was just the stigma. The actual disease must be miles worse.
"Oh my god . . ."
Moonwatcher stared straight into my eyes.
"Claire, Eli can't know that I told you he has AIDS and is bisexual."
I choked.
"Well, I didn't know that last part until you-"
"Claire, just promise me you won't tell him. I need him to trust me if I'm going to get anywhere with his therapy."
What the hell was I supposed to do with this information? Nothing, that's what. It was none of my business, and Moonwatcher's little slip-up didn't change that fact one iota. But holy shit. What a bombshell.
"I . . . don't . . . know . . . what's . . . going . . . on . . . but-"
"It's okay, Jen," Moonwatcher gulped, "Tell us more about the bats. That's what we're here for."
"Alright . . . Follow . . . me . . . to . . . my . . . office."
She turned around slowly- so damn slowly- and inched towards a dark room. When I tried to push her forward, Moonwatcher shook her head and held me back. A few minutes later, we entered Jen's office. She squeezed her eyes shut, and her antennae glowed once more, along with the swirl on her shell. The green light illuminated a series of bookshelves.
"There . . . might . . . be . . . information . . . about . . . Claire's . . . condition . . . in-"
"Here?" I finished.
". . . these . . . books."
"Mmm."
"Hand . . . me . . . that . . . one . . . over-"
As soon as she pointed, I zipped over and plopped the book in front of her. She smiled and crawled onto the first page.
"Thank . . . you . . . Claire."
She cleared her throat, coughing into her nub-hand.
"Evolution . . . has . . . created . . . an . . . astounding . . . number . . . of . . . various . . . creatures."
She looked up slowly.
"Let . . . me . . . know . . . if . . . I'm . . . reading . . . too . . . fast."
I clenched my jaw.
"Not . . . one . . . however . . . deserves . . . the-"
I yanked the book out from under her, only to discover that she was stuck to it.
"Let me read."
"Claire . . . you . . . don't . . . have . . . to-"
I pulled her away from the page, but it tore under the force of her suction. She gasped very slowly.
"Oh . . . no . . . That . . . was . . . an . . . original . . . copy!"
I bit my beak.
"I'm sorry, it's just-"
"Maybe you should let me handle this," Moonwatcher suggested, "Why don't you go home to your friends?"
I hung my head in shame.
"I'm sorry."
Moonwatcher nodded to the door. Jen clutched the torn page between her hands and sighed.
"If . . . you . . . see . . . Josh . . . tell . . . him . . . I . . . said . . . hello . . . He . . . can't . . . come . . . up . . . here . . . on . . . account . . . of . . . his . . . blubber."
"What if I take you down to the beach?" I offered.
She shook her head back . . . and forth . . . and back . . . and forth.
FUCK, now she has me doing it.
"Salt . . . water . . . doesn't . . . agree . . . with . . . snails."
I gulped and turned away.
"Okay. I'm sorry for ruining your book."
"That's . . . okay . . . it . . . was . . . an . . . honest . . . mistake."
By the time she finished her sentence, I was already through the door.
***TSJWFKFEW***
Once I was through the portal, I realized that I had nothing to do. I decided to pay Franklin a visit to apologize for our little squabble, but when I knocked on the door, it was Gunnar who answered. He was wearing a white robe and pink rabbit slippers, but I was more concerned about his bloodshot eyes.
"What's going on?"
"I'm rooming with Franklin until they find me a place to stay. I didn't realize that he was going to be cat-sitting. I'm allergic."
"Oh, no . . . Do you want me to take over?"
"That's sweet of you. I'm supposed to be getting ready for a charity potluck-slash-poker event, so you'd be doing me a HUGE favor."
I smiled warmly.
"Anything for a friend . . . ly acquaintance."
He sniffled.
"Thanks, Claire. You're the best."
I took the cat in my arms, and as it stretched itself out, I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I wanted nothing more than to shove the little furball down my throat.
"He's kind of cute, isn't he?" Gunnar cooed.
"Yeah . . . I could just eat him up."
Would it be cliché to call this a cat-astrophe?
***TSJWFKFEW***
Well, it was about time that I ask for help, and who better to help me with my problem than a cat-lover and loyal friend? Of course, I had forgotten that Zia was part dog now, so inviting her over ended up increasing my stress level exponentially.
"BARK! BARK, BARK, BARK!"
I covered my ears.
"Zia, you don't HAVE to say 'bark' every time the cat walks by . . ."
"I can't help it!" she whined, "My brain tells me we should be getting along, but how can I trust someone whose tail doesn't wag properly?"
I groaned.
"Zia, you love cats. Why can't you just channel that feline-affection-energy?"
"Well, I dunno. Why are you afraid of lizards, all of a sudden? Haven't you ever heard that thing about stones and glass houses?"
"I have."
"Great, so let's get stoned."
"Zia!"
"Well, we gotta curb our instincts somehow. Weed fixes everything."
"Zia, I swear to god . . ."
"Ugh, fine. You know, you could stand to- BARK, BARK, BARK!"
The cat screeched as she yapped at it. It ran over to the sofa, clawing the fabric with frustration.
"Stop it! Down, kitty!" I commanded.
It paused, then continued to scratch.
"Claire, get that- BARK- cat under control!"
"Get yourself under control!"
"I'm fine. I'm perfectly- BARK, BARK, BARK!"
"ZIA, SIT!"
She did, though she seemed confused as to why she had listened to me. I ignored her and focused on the cat.
"Hey, pretty baby. Your name is Nectarine, right? Do you want to be stroked?"
A harsh nip indicated that he did not.
"Do you miss Roben?" I cooed.
The cat started licking under one leg. I sighed.
"Well, so much for that . . ."
Zia was twitching anxiously. I placed a claw on her nose.
"Stay."
She whined as I walked into the kitchen.
"Does kitty want some tuna?"
Nectarine followed me to the fridge, placing his paws on my leg.
"Someone's hung-wy, yes he is!" I gurgled.
I slid my claw along the rim of the can and popped it open. When I set it down in front of Nectarine, he sniffed it cautiously.
"Yes, that's it. Take a b-"
He batted it to the side. After a second, he yowled and clawed at my leg.
"Feed the cat, Claire!" Zia called from the other room.
"He doesn't want the tuna!"
"Then feed him something else!"
I growled, kicking the cat away gently (somewhat gently). I searched Zia's fridge. Luckily for me, it was packed with fish.
"What should I give him?"
"Not the salmon. It's expensive. Try the illegal dolphin meat."
I frowned over my shoulder. She shrugged.
"I'm part megalod- Look, just feed the cat, okay?"
I picked up a can with a happy-looking dolphin on the side. The label read "Genuine Catfish Meat, Definitely Not Dolphin". The certification came from "M.W. Industries". I was not the least bit surprised.
"Claire, what's taking so long?"
"You know, Zia, I met someone who's part dolphin today, and I'm pretty sure he'd have something to say about this."
"God, Claire, just feed the fucking cat."
I grumbled.
"Dolphin meat is really bad for you, you know. Plus, it's wrong to kill such intelligent animals. They're so gleeful and merry . . ."
"Owen told me they fuck each other in the blowholes."
After several years in the Navy, that seemed to be his only takeaway.
"Yes, Zia, I'm well aware. Just don't blame me if you get mercury poisoning."
"Feed. The. Cat."
I bent over and clawed the can open. I made the mistake of dumping it on the tuna, however, which the cat was not happy with. Zia, on the other hand . . .
"THAT WAS FOR THE CAT!"
She licked her beak.
"Yeah, well, you snooze, you lose."
I grabbed my head, clenching my teeth.
"I can't believe I'm stuck petsitting two obnoxious animals who refuse to listen and survive off dolphin meat!"
Zia glared at me.
"Hey, I'm NOT an animal . . . Also, the cat didn't eat anything."
I snarled.
"Zia, you're getting on my nerves."
"Says the person who called me an animal!"
"Zia, look at you!"
Her mouth hung open.
"Claire, that is absolutely-"
"The truth! You have a fin growing out of your back, and-"
"YOU have PLATES! We're none of us perfect, Claire!"
"I never said I was better off!"
"Right, so just because you're a dinosaur, that makes it okay to call me an animal?"
"You JUST ate dolphin meat!"
"AND I LOVED IT!" she growled, flipping me off with both hands (or trying to flip me off, since she only had four fingers).
"YEAH?! Well, I'll do you one better!"
I snapped up Nectarine. Before I could stop myself, I sucked his tail through my teeth. Zia stared at me, mouth agape.
"Claire . . . OH MY GOD!"
"Oh, no!" I gagged.
"CLAIRE, YOU ATE A CAT!"
I covered my mouth and started dancing around nervously, claws clicking on the linoleum floor.
"What do I do . . . WHAT DO I DO?!"
"SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
I whimpered.
"But I already swa-"
I yelped as she slapped my back, then started choking as she wrapped her arms around my chest.
"OPEN!"
I coughed as she squeezed my torso.
"AGH!"
"AGAIN!"
I wheezed.
"HNNNGH!"
"DON'T LET IT GO DOWN!"
My eyes felt like they might pop out of my skull.
"BLARGH! URF!"
She dug her claw into my chest.
"HERE IT COMES! AAAAAAAAAH!"
My cheeks puffed out.
"BLURF!"
A wet ball of fur slipped out of my mouth. It landed on the carpet, bounced, and rolled to a gentle stop a few feet away. After a moment of silence, a pair of ears perked up from behind it, and Nectarine darted away, yowling in terror. I scraped the remaining fur off my tongue, wincing with disgust. Zia let out a sigh of relief and fell back, wiping the sweat off her forehead.
"At least one of us got to eat pussy today . . ."
She stopped laughing at her own joke when I vomited fish heads into her lap. She stood up, holding her arms out with disgust.
"What the HELL?"
I coughed.
"Why'd you DO that?"
She clenched her fists.
"Because you were about to digest that poor little kitty . . ."
I roared and knocked a nearby table on its side.
"You don't understand me!"
"No, I don't, Claire! I thought it might do you some good to spend some time with friends, to get your mind off Owen, but you barge into my house, call me an animal, and judge me for eating seafood, which- news flash- SHARKS ARE SUPPOSED TO CONSUME!"
"YOU'RE NOT A SHARK, ZIA!"
"Make up your goddamn mind! Am I an animal or not?"
I hissed.
"You're an abomination."
Her face was stoic.
"Get out."
"I'll do nothing of the s-"
"Get out of my house."
"What about-"
"I'll take care of the cat."
"By barking at it constantly?!"
"Well, at least we know it's not in danger when I'm around . . ."
I glowered at her.
"Fine. Don't bother visiting tomorrow."
"Wasn't gonna."
"Good."
"Great."
I slammed the door shut. After a pause, I turned around. I was worried that I might have upset her, but instead of crying, I heard Zia talking to that goddamn cat like it was a person.
"I don't know what's wrong with her, puss-puss. She's not usually this much of a bitch . . ."
I turned away sourly, letting my tail spikes scrape the wall on my way out of the hotel.
***TSJWFKFEW***
"Still upset about the big break-up?"
I slammed my cage shut.
"I see you're back to your usual self . . ."
Eli smirked.
"No thanks to your friend. I'm not sure why you let him tag along on your little adventures. Seems pretty useless. But I guess that's true for the whole club."
I puffed out a breath of frustration. He grinned.
"Tell me, who'd you hurt this time?"
"Fuck off, Eli."
"Just curious."
"Mind your own business."
"Fair enough. Just don't keep crying about it. I'm not sure I can handle another breakdown."
I flexed my claws and stared at him pointedly.
"Me neither."
The doors creaked open gently, and Gunnar stepped through them. He trotted up to my cage shyly.
"Hey, I heard about what happened between you and Zia. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Eli burst out laughing.
"I guess that makes it official. Claire's officially pissed off her entire team."
Ignoring him, Gunnar leaned closer to me and spoke softly.
"Would you like to attend the potluck tonight? Zia and Franklin will be there. I'm sure they'll understand if you explain that it was an honest mistake . . ."
Eli chortled.
"Is this, like, a meet-up for terrible people?"
Gunnar scowled at him.
"You're not invited!"
Eli blinked.
"Um, good? . . ."
Gunnar shook his head.
"It's NOT a meet-up for t- Look, just mind your own business."
"Gladly. I used to care what you thought about me, but not anymore. It's funny how things change. I needed you to carry out my plans, and you said 'no' at first . . . but I'll never forget how excited you were once we got started."
This struck a nerve with Gunnar. He was trembling lightly. I reached through the bars and touched his shoulder.
"Don't listen to him."
"Why not?" Eli grinned, "It's just the truth, right? Unless you prefer some kind of revisionist history where you didn't sell off the Indoraptor . . ."
"He's just trying to get under your skin."
"Yes, I know."
Eli started driving back and forth slowly.
"I hope you apologized to Claire, by the way. Does she know that you were totally on board when I suggested we make more?"
Gunnar was looking into my eyes now. I could smell his fear. He thought he was about to lose a friend . . . his only friend.
"Don't you believe a word he says," I whispered.
"It is kind of your fault," Wheatley piped up from his cage, "I mean, if you had been there when I walked in-"
"He could have stopped you from leaving the fucking door open?!" I snapped.
"Comment withdrawn."
Exhaust wafted from Eli's nostrils in thin plumes.
"Can you imagine? . . . Dozens and dozens of Indoraptors, all funded by the auction YOU agreed to. Strange, isn't it, how they keep me locked up, yet you're given a free pass . . ."
"He's made an effort to change, Eli!" I barked, "You, on the other hand, remain a piece of shit!"
"I've done nothing wrong."
"You tried to kill Owen and Maisie."
"I tried to get YOU to kill Owen and Maisie, and you would have done it, too, if you hadn't fallen over that cliff."
Fuck.
"That wasn't my choice."
"Wasn't it? You seemed pretty eager . . ."
"You're wrong about me, Eli."
"Is Owen wrong too?"
"You're more of a monster than I'll ever be!"
"You'll regret saying that after your next 'accident' . . ."
"I'm getting better!"
"Your 'friends' don't seem to think so."
"This is only temporary. I'm sick."
"I'll say!"
"YOU HAVE AIDS!"
Three things.
One, that was not a very good comeback.
Two, it was a super low blow, and I'm ashamed to have said it.
Three, the timing couldn't have been worse, because Moonwatcher had just entered the room.
Eli's confident sneer faltered, but it was soon replaced by a hateful glare that he promptly directed at the new arrival. Moonwatcher dropped her chocolate bar.
"I think I left the iron on-"
"YOU TOLD HER! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL HER!"
Moonwatcher backed away slowly.
"Listen, it just kind of slipped out. I didn't tell her how you got it or anything . . ."
He slammed his tail against the side of his cage.
"I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOU! YOU'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF US ALL!"
"I'm doing nothing of the sort! I'm trying to clean up this mess!"
"WELL, YOU'RE DOING A PISS-POOR JOB! JUST LET US GO! END THIS RIGHT NOW!"
"No!"
"WHY NOT? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO GAIN FROM THIS? THIS ISN'T RIGHT! THIS ISN'T FAIR!"
"Life's not fair, bucko . . ."
Wheatley cleared his throat.
"I think he knows that, since he has the AIDS and all . . ."
He jumped as Eli bit down on the bars, facing him.
"STAY OUT OF THIS!"
"Sure thing, boss, but you might wanna stay out of a few things, yourself."
Eli's expression changed. The balance of power had shifted, and he was no longer on top.
. . . I didn't mean it that way. Come on, I'd already made one hurtful comment, and I wasn't keen to make more.
Look, just forget it, okay? My point is, my remark had taken him down a notch. His unhinged state of mind was more terrifying than his threats, in a way.
"I don't belong here . . ." he whispered, "Set me free. I WANT TO GO HOME!"
Moonwatcher stamped her foot.
"Eli, you DIED in your world. You don't HAVE a home, and if you don't belong here, you don't belong anywhere."
He backed up, chest heaving. Blue droplets were starting to bunch up in the corners of his eyes.
"You did this to me . . . You made me a monster . . . I don't deserve this!"
He roared, and his shout ended in a honk.
"THIS IS NOT WHO I AM! I'M NOT A DINOSAUR! I'M NOT A CAR! I'M A HUMAN BEING! ALL I WANTED WAS A CLEAN SLATE, BUT INSTEAD YOU TEAR ME AWAY FROM MY HOME AND TURN ME INTO A FREAK! HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME LIKE THIS? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A LIFE?"
"YOU'RE NOT! NOBODY LOVES YOU!" Moonwatcher snarled.
He slammed his head against the bars, rocking his cage on its foundations.
"CHANGE ME BACK!"
"I CAN'T! YOU'RE PART MACHINE!"
"CHANGE! ME! BACK!"
"IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THIS IS FOREVER! JUST SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT!"
"CHANGE ME BACK, OR SHOOT ME AND BE DONE WITH IT!"
He rammed his head into the bars again, making them buckle. He continued to slam his skull into the cage as Moonwatcher made a dash for the tranquilizer gun.
"USE REAL BULLETS, YOU FUCKING COWARD! END THIS! END THIS RIGHT NOW!"
She shot him in the neck. He didn't stop thrashing around.
"COWARD! YOU COWARD!"
It took five darts before he finally sunk to his knees, though he continued to resist fiercely. Eventually, he lost the battle, and fell forward, blue tears streaming out of his eyelids. Moonwatcher caught her breath, dropping the gun from sweaty palms. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and smiled brightly.
"Who's up for potluck?"
***TSJWFKFEW***
I didn't go to the potluck dinner. I told Gunnar to pass on my apology to Zia and Franklin, which felt really scummy, but I just couldn't face them again. Instead, I wandered around the island, headed for nowhere in particular. Eventually, I bumped into the raptor from earlier that day. He didn't seem to be making any progress in his campaign. I gulped and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey, can I sign that petition now?"
His eyes lit up. He handed me the clipboard, but when he caught a glimpse of my signature, his smile disappeared.
"Very funny."
"What?"
He tore up the paper.
"How gullible do you think I am? You're not Claire Dearing!"
I turned away sadly.
"No, I guess not."
Eventually, I found myself trying out my wings again. It was difficult getting the hang of them, but I managed eventually. I caught sight of Owen through a lit window as I passed it, and I hung myself from a nearby tree without thinking things through. Luckily, it was able to support my weight (impressive). I folded my wings around my body, dangling upside-down. Owen was sitting at a reddish desk, scribbling something onto a notepad with the hotel's logo printed in the corner. To my surprise, my dinosaur eyes were able to focus in on the words.
Dear Claire,
I'm sorry. I fucked up. I should have known better, but-
After a pause, he tore the page off the notepad, crumpled it up, and tossed it into the wastebin, starting anew.
Dear Claire,
I know you don't need my help. I should have learned my lesson by now, but-
Another failed attempt. He took a deep breath and started a third letter.
Dear Claire,
This is my fault. I'm trying so hard not to make excuses, but-
Gone. This time, he glanced at an empty greeting card. He ran his fingers through his hair, then started writing on it.
Dear Claire,
I don't deserve you. I keep messing up, and I can't even admit it to myself, much less you. If there's one good thing to come out of this, it's you never speaking to me again. You've given me so many chances already, and I never seem to learn. You'd be better off with someone else. I'm not a good man, like you said. I don't know what you ever saw in me.
After a moment, he flung the card aside and stood up, pacing back and forth with his hands behind his head. Finally, he fell backwards onto the bed with a deep sigh.
"Claire?"
I yelped as Maisie's head popped out from the neighbouring window. I lost my grip on the tree branch and fell to the ground, banging myself up a great deal.
"Oh, no! I'll get help!"
"Maisie, stop!"
It was too late. She had gone to tell Owen. After a bit of commotion, he opened his window and looked down at me.
"Oh my god!"
He disappeared along with Maisie. I struggled to roll onto my feet, but Owen was faster. He sprinted towards me as I tripped over my wings clumsily.
"Wait, Claire, don't go!"
He ran his hand down my shoulder.
"Are you hurt?"
When I tugged my wing away, he let his arm drop.
"Sorry."
Maisie came running up behind him, holding a roll of toilet paper.
"I brought bandages!"
I stumbled backwards, still aching from the fall.
"It's okay, Maisie. I'm fine. Just a little scuffed up, that's all."
She started wrapping the toilet paper around my paw as the leathery wings dissolved into my arms. Owen scratched the back of his neck, avoiding my gaze.
"So . . . What brings you here?"
"I was just taking a walk."
"Oh. Have you been getting my l-"
"Yes."
"Ah."
Silence. Maisie continued to make her way up my arm, which was starting to look like a bad Halloween costume.
"I . . . I think I owe you an apology."
"For?"
"For . . . For what I said about . . ."
He touched Maisie's shoulder.
"I think she's doing better, Sweetheart. Can we have some time alone?"
Maisie nodded, tying a knot around my elbow. She gave me a hug, then scampered away.
"Should she be going back alone? . . ."
"She knows how to use a room key. Smart kid."
"Hm."
Another silence.
"Claire-"
"I know what you're going to say."
"You do?"
"Mhm. You're going to say that you were only trying to help me, that you didn't mean to hurt my feelings."
He inhaled deeply.
"Actually, I was going to say that I made a huge mistake, and what I said . . . it was kind of a dick move."
"Oh. Yes, it was."
"I'm sorry. For everything. You deserve better than this."
I shook my head.
"I almost ate a cat today, Owen."
"Oh, that's no big deal . . . Zia eats dolphin meat, you know."
"I know."
These moments of silence only got more awkward with each iteration.
"Claire, there's something I want to ask you."
"How long can we keep doing this."
He lifted his head.
"Huh?"
"How long can we keep going back and forth?"
"Back and forth? . . . Well, I wouldn't exactly call it-"
"But it's what we're doing, isn't it? You love me one day, you hate me the next . . ."
He knelt in front of me, holding my cheeks.
"Claire, I always love you. It's just that it's difficult to label that love. But it's always there."
"Sure. But it only ends up hurting us, over and over again . . ."
He looked away, staring at nothing in particular. I touched his cheek.
"What did you want to ask me?"
That was a cheap trick, I know. I was perfectly aware of what he was about to ask. The fear rolling off him was intense. It was even worse than when I attacked the piglet.
"I . . . I was wondering if you . . . if you wanted to be . . ."
He put his hands in his pockets.
". . . if you wanted to go to the potluck party with me and Maisie."
He thought he had dodged a bullet, but I wasn't finished with him yet.
"Like a date, you mean?"
His fear-scent returned, even thicker, this time.
"I- Well, I guess you could technically call it that, but only in the sense that-"
"Please, Owen. Just tell me how you feel. Be honest with me, even if it hurts. We can't keep fighting, then spontaneously getting back together after we make out impulsively."
"Yeah, not a great system."
I tapped my toe impatiently.
"Fine," Owen breathed, "I want us to be more than good friends. It's what I've always wanted, but I was concerned that I might be making a mistake. Not because of you, obviously, but because I'm shit at relationships, and I always manage to screw things up. I guess my biggest mistake was holding back. It only made things worse. Being without you for the past few days made me realize that pushing you away wasn't going to bring us closer together."
"Obviously not."
"Yeah, well, I don't have very good judgment."
A pause.
"Kiss her!"
Owen wheeled around.
"Maisie, stop eavesdropping!"
He ran his fingers through his hair.
"Jesus Christ . . ."
I smiled.
"Maybe you'd better finish your thought."
He cleared his throat.
"Alright. Claire, I know we've hit a few rough patches- my fault, all of them- but I don't think I can be happy without you. If I make you miserable, I'll just deal with it, obviously, but if it's not too much trouble, can we maybe get back together?"
I narrowed my eyes.
"You're not very good at pitches."
He shrugged.
"I don't have much to sell."
I pursed my beak.
"And what about the dinosaur thing?"
"We'll figure it out. Take it slow, maybe. But it's not a deal-breaker."
After a beat, he shook his head.
"That was the wrong thing to say."
"Oh, good. You're learning."
He gulped.
"Yeah, so . . . did you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?"
"No."
His eyes went wide. I punched his arm gently.
"See how it feels? Nah, I'm just kidding. We can try for it."
He let out a sigh of relief.
"You really got me. Don't ever do that again."
"I promise not to, as long as you don't do it either."
"I won't."
"Good. Then we have a date."
Maisie squealed with glee and skipped around the corner.
"Hooray! Everyone's together again!"
I beamed.
"Looks like we get a happy ending after all!"
Suddenly, Moonwatcher burst out of the foliage.
"ZIA'S IN THE HOSPITAL WITH MERCURY POISONING!"
***TSJWFKFEW***
Calm down, calm down. Zia was fine. She promised to stop eating dolphin meat, after I apologized profusely to her, of course. I made amends with Franklin as well, since he was around. And just for good measure, I reassured Gunnar that he had nothing to worry about. On this wacky island, we were friends 'til the end. To top off my series of apologies, I wrote a letter to Jen, who replied with a smeared note that she had probably slimed up as she was writing. It was still legible, and very sweet. It was nice to have a new neighbour, even if she was an interdimensional neighbour. The more, the merrier, as Moonwatcher would say. And speaking of, I apologized to her directly, and she replied with a veiled insult, followed by a reluctant pat on the head. Good enough. And just for good measure, I wrote a thank-you letter to Josh, the reply to which came back sooner than Jen's letter, actually. Three guesses why. In any case, the postage was rather speedy, considering we had a convenient portal set up, and once I realized this, I decided to go ahead and pay them a visit before the night was through. I carried Jen down to the beach where Josh was waiting, keeping her well above the salty waves, and bore witness to their discussion. Between the two of them, it lasted about as long as any regular conversation would. It wasn't a boring slog like I had been expecting. I had just breached the barrier between Owen and myself, after all, so the least I could do was help out someone with a similar problem. Truth be told, they were kind of cute together.
"We . . . have . . . so . . . much . . . in . . . common!"
"Yesindeedwedo!"
I kept my mouth shut.
I returned to the other world late in the night, with only one apology left on my list. I stood by Eli's cage and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry."
He didn't reply. He was still lying on his side, but he was wide awake.
"I shouldn't have said what I said. It was-"
"Get away from me," he whispered harshly.
I gulped.
"Eli, I can't tell you how deeply sorry I am that-"
He curled his head away from me sharply. Realizing that this was getting us nowhere, I gave up and returned to my cage. As I settled myself for a good, long sleep, I heard gentle weeping nearby. Eli was curled up in a ball, facing away from me. I opened my mouth, but decided against speaking.
Maybe some wounds are just too deep to heal.