Aspen Matthews
The Arena wasn't so bad. I didn't mind being covered in mud all the time. It was kind of funnier. It would have been even funnier if I could have hidden under the water and burst up at Valerie dramatically, but that probably would have given her a heart attack. It still would have been funny.
"Hey. Hey. Hey Valerie," I started. She was getting all gloomy again. She was taking it all harder than I was. I thought it was hilarious the first time I pooped like a fire hose. She thought it was "unhealthy" and "dangerous" and "probably dysentery". It was up to me to lighten the mood. Neither of us would get out of here if I didn't.
"I hesitate to ask. What is it?" Valerie asked.
"Want to hear a joke about the Arena?" I asked. Valerie looked up at the sky and pretended she wasn't starting to smile.
"Never mind. It's... all wet," I said, lowering my voice with each word so the punchline was a whisper.
"You're something else," Valerie said, shaking her head.
"I got a million of them," I said.
"Pretty sure I've heard at least a thousand," Valerie said.
"Hey, cheer up. We only have one more to outlast," I said.
"Two more people, really," Valerie said darkly.
"They'll probably let us both out. I'm too funny and you're too beautiful," I said.
"One of those is true," Valerie said wickedly. I was starting to rub off on her.
Another cannon sounded. The Arena felt suddenly empty. The air went cold.
"That's everyone," Valerie said. "What are we going to do?"
I was in too deep to give up. "There's only one solution," I said ominously. "A rap battle."
"How about a singing contest?" Valerie said.
"Slam poetry," I said.
"Rock skipping," Valerie said.
"Flip a coin?" I said. We bent to find a rock, even though we probably couldn't go through with it. I didn't know what was going to happen.
The water roiled. A mud-covered monster burst dramatically from beneath the surface. Someone stole my prank, I thought indignantly. But there was no one else left in the Arena, or so I thought. There was someone left: a very large, very toothy crocodile. It snatched Valerie by her middle and took her under the water before either of us made a peep. The only sound I heard was the cannon. That wasn't funny.