"Sir, I've been looking into potential investments, and I think I've narrowed it down to a set of ideal candidates."

"Good, good . . . I knew I could trust you with this task, Eli. You've finished sooner than I expected, however. Were you thorough?"

"Of course! I was up all night doing my research- Don't worry: I wasn't drowsy, I did a good job- and I am certain that I've made the right choice. The blue highlights are for financial growth, the yellow ones are charities and nonprofits, just to keep up the philanthropy work."

"Wonderful. You're very organized. Let me take a peek at this . . ."

". . ."

"Don't look so nervous, Eli."

"I just want to do right by you, sir."

"That you will, that you will . . . Well, everything seems to be in order. I agree with most of your choices. That's a good sign. There's just one anomaly here."

". . . Oh. Nothing big, I hope."

"Nothing incriminating, haha! But I'm wondering about your decision to fund AIDS research."

". . . Ah . . ."

"It just seems to not fit with everything else, if you know what I mean . . ."

"Well, yes, sir, I do, but I figured you might want to diversify your donations, and I know you want to save lives-"

"Hm, yes, well, that's true, but I'm not sure this is in line with my morals."

". . . Sir? . . ."

"Eli, someday I'll be a very old man. I'll get sick, as everyone does, and my life will depend upon whatever treatment is available. None of us is going to live forever, and I know the value of research, how it saves lives. I'm not denying the importance of medicine, but there are so many ailments that must take priority over this."

"But . . . why? . . ."

"Well, it's not exactly . . . of concern to people like us, now, is it?"

"I . . . I think there's some value in saving lives-"

"The lives of whom? Are these really the people we want to be focusing on?"

"Many individuals are dying young-"

"Yes, but they're drug addicts and . . . Well, you know."

"I . . . I know."

"But if you're adamant to support this cause, I suppose we could-"

"No, it's okay. Like you said, it's . . . none of our concern."

". . . Eli?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Are you feeling well?"

"What do you mean, sir?"

"You look troubled."

"Oh. I'm fine, sir. Just tired from staying up all night."

"Right, right, get your rest. Tomorrow, I'd like you to look into endangered parrots in the Amazon. I would like to fund protection efforts."

"Ah . . . so you're going to save rare birds instead of . . . hm."

"Preserving the vulnerable gifts of mother nature will always be more important than individual lives. People come and go, but our legacy is defined by who we choose to save. I don't want the next generation to grow up in a world without such wonders."

"And what about those who never grow up? What about the people who die?"

"Well, I think we can both agree that the loss is of less consequence with a disease like AIDS."

". . . I see. Thank you for clarifying."

"I know you have good intentions, Eli. But we must take care of our own above all else. Be thankful that you and I will never know the horror of such a terrible illness."

"I . . . Yes, sir. I'll keep that in mind."

"Good man. Now, about those birds . . ."

***TSJWFKFEW***

Buying groceries was a hassle. Half of the time, I had people asking me to sign glossy photos of my horrible, horrible face, and the other half was spent pretending not to notice disapproving side-glances from the people who knew better than to approach me. Moonwatcher's attempts to sell my life as a story had turned me into something of a celebrity, but not in a good way. It was more like Britney Spears in the late 2000's: my popularity among fans came with the knowledge that one wrong move could end in a mental breakdown. Of course, Britney only had access to an umbrella, whereas if I decided to go rogue, I could probably kill a decent number of people before being gunned down.

(Only if they catch me. And just think of what I could do in the meantime . . .)

I tried to suppress the thought, but was met with a stabbing pain that almost shattered my skull. Luckily, I was at the corner store in part because of these headaches, and there was a decent stock of Tylenol, not that I needed to take more than a human (Somehow, my dosage hadn't changed, though the same wasn't true of tranquilizer darts . . . unless I could also take three as a human, which was doubtful). I grabbed my medicine and threw a few snacks into the shopping basket, just so it wouldn't look like I was having severe medical problems. Thankfully, the cashier (a Rajasaurus named Grace) didn't seem too interested in my purchases.

"No luck catching them swan-killers, then?"

I blinked.

"Pardon?"

"Swan-killers. I assume there's several murderers on the loose, what with them being capable of overpowering an Asterparan and all. I can't think of anyone on this island strong enough to take on a giant bird by themselves, except maybe a couple of dragons with no real motivation. Strange occurrence, though. I wonder why Moonwatcher didn't reveal the identity of the killer. I know it's suspenseful and all, but unless she has this under control, it's dangerous to let murderers run amok- Eli included."

"Mmm."

"'Course, she might not know who the murderer is, which is even scarier. I assume she wrote the passage herself, but it could always be another mystery narrator or the auto-narration, in which case, she doesn't have access to every detail."

I've learned to fight my habit of asking questions about these kinds of remarks. I never understand the answer anyway, so why bother?

"Whatever it is, I'm not a fan," I grumbled.

She fluttered her eyelashes, which were covered in glitter, I noticed.

"Aren't you, now? Still haven't changed your mind about the whole story thing, have ye?"

"I don't much like it, no."

"That's a shame, that is. You know, the other Claire released her diary eventually. Read the whole thing, I did. Very revealing."

"Hm."

"And of course there's the erotic stories. Those seem to step over certain boundaries. Not sure if Elkay got Claire's permission to write those, but in any case, I wouldn't put it past Moonwatcher to narrate similar excerpts in secret. If I was in your place, I wouldn't have sex until that's sorted out."

I tapped the counter irritably.

"Won't be a problem."

She screeched with laughter.

"Oh, that's right, the whole meat grinder thing . . ."

My face fell. I hadn't read through what Moonwatcher had published, both because I didn't want to relive those experiences and because I was afraid of how many breaches of privacy were contained within the text, so learning about her indiscretions was . . . troubling. Now every reader knew about my potentially dangerous reproductive areas, which was pretty much the worst thing I could imagine . . . so far.

"Grace?"

"Yes, Miss Dearing?"

"How does Moonwatcher know everything that's happening?"

"Oh, she doesn't know everything," she squawked, "Just the interesting bits . . . and the filler too, I suppose. Moonwatcher was given narration-powers by Elkay, which means she has access to certain thoughts, feelings, reflections, and so on. That- plus the stuff you tell her- she incorporates into the narrative."

"Oh."

"I know it seems frivolous. But it's all in service of the cure, right?"

I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

"I don't know, Grace. Moonwatcher tells me that all the writing and merchandise is supposed to raise funds for a cure, but I have to wonder how much she's spending on advertising, and how much she keeps for herself. It would actually go against her financial interest to cure me, with all the money I rake in . . ."

"Ah, well, if you don't mind me saying so, I don't think you even need a cure."

I lifted my chin.

"Pardon?"

"There's nothin' wrong with being a dinosaur- I should know! But in the end, it's up to you. What's important is that it's your choice."

It hadn't even occurred to me that I could go on living as a dinosaur- Well, okay, yes it had- but it was always in a vague, foggy, not-actually-possible kind of way. The long sought-after cure was my top priority, and seemed like the only acceptable solution to my problem. I wanted to go back to the way things were before, after all.

(Back when Owen was attracted to me.)

I wasn't just doing this for Owen. It was for myself, first and foremost.

(Yeah, because I want Owen to be attracted to me.)

Well, okay, maybe part of it had to do with other people- but Owen wasn't the only person I had to change for, in all fairness. Maisie needed me to be human as well.

(Except she loves having a dinosaur-mom.)

Be that as it may, I couldn't allow myself to stay in the body of a violent creature.

(I can control it, though. And it's not just because Owen's been teaching me. In fact, he might be making things w-)

I drowned out the thought, and the resulting pain nearly brought me to my knees. Grace watched me with concern, but I stumbled to my feet and slid a handful of cash across the counter.

"Keep the change."

As I scooped my purchases into a bag, she batted her eyes.

"Erm, you didn't give me enough . . ."

I winced.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand your currency. Can I get you later?"

She offered a sympathetic look.

"Okay, dearie. You take care of yourself, okay?"

I nodded dizzily, stumbling out into the night.

***TSJWFKFEW***

"Alright, listen up!" Moonwatcher barked as she entered the lab, "Claire's refusing to participate in the narrative until we renegotiate our terms, or at least until she's well enough to go out drinking and get sufficiently intoxicated- to the point that she won't be able to read a contract, just as a random example. In the meantime, I'm going to need a replacement to sniff out our swan-murderer. It was supposed to be Claire's character arc, but life's a bitch, and by life, I mean Claire, and by Claire, I mean that bitch who won't cooperate with her show-runner. So I'm going to get someone else to take her place."

Eli perked up in his cage.

"I'd like to go."

"No, not you," Moonwatcher clarified, "Sorry for the confusion. I realize now that it sounded like an offer, but it was actually a lead-in to my brilliant plan, which does not involve you. Since Wheatley has Indoraptor DNA, he'll be a perfect candidate for the job."

The saggy dinosaur jumped for joy.

"YA-HOO! You hear that, Mills? I'm getting out of here!"

"Good for you," Eli muttered sourly.

"Ah-ah-ah," Moonwatcher interrupted, "I'm not just letting you run free, Wheatley. You have a job to do, and what's more, you're kind of a loose canon, so we need someone to supervise you."

"Like you?" Wheatley asked.

"Well, I'll supervise for the first little bit, but I actually had someone else in mind. See, we have a golden opportunity on our hands. If you track down the killer, you'll partly redeem yourself, but you also have to become a better person along the way, and I know the perfect mentor . . ."

"If you're talking about Jesus, you should know that he already loves me."

Eli pressed his snout between the bars of his cage.

"Seriously. Let me out. I'll do a better job."

Wheatley snorted.

"You're just jealous because Jesus thinks you're gross, you lousy qu-"

Eli honked his horn.

"Shut up! Moonwatcher, please, just give me a chance . . ."

She shook her head.

"I'm gonna have to say no. I don't trust you. You've tried to escape one too many times."

Wheatley barked with laughter.

"Ha-ha! You laughed at me when I couldn't get my cage open, but now I'm the one who's . . . laughing . . . at YOU!"

Eli snarled and curled up in the corner of his enclosure.

"Fine. Have fun on your quest for redemption. See you in five minutes."

Moonwatcher rolled her eyes as she unlocked the cage.

"Wheatley's not clever enough to betray me. Plus, I'll be watching him the whole time, via the narration. There is, however, a time limit. I've spoken to our former Queen, the real Claire, and she's graciously allowed us to borrow a spirit from her world. He'll be arriving shortly, but he only has five hours, so you'd better catch our criminal before time runs out. Otherwise, you'll be going back to your cage, no if's, and's, or but's."

Wheatley snorted.

"I can track a bird-killer, no problem. I'll sniff him out like a wet fart in a sauna."

Moonwatcher folded her hands, blinking.

"Not sure what you were going for with that analogy, but I'm hearing 'yes', so we're off to a good start. Now, Ken- I can call you Ken, right?"

"I'd rather you n-"

"Ken, I want you to be on your best behaviour. Remember, it's your ass on the line, plus the asses of any potential murder victims. Are you wiling to cooperate?"

Ken pulled his claw out of his ear, flicking away a small, brown ball of earwax.

"What?"

"Good. Let's meet your new how-to-be-good tutor. You'll be interested to know that he was once a gruff military-type just like you, and he was also a dinosaur who briefly had robot arms- he got his saurian arms back eventually, which is an option for you, if you so choose. You two have a lot in common, so I imagine he'll be the perfect candidate for our reformation program. Just follow his lead, and you'll-"

She screamed as a glowing, transparent dinosaur fell from midair, landing on top of her. He rolled onto his back, and struggled to hoist himself onto his feet. When he was standing upright, he brushed himself off and looked around.

"Did it work? Am I a ghost?"

A very flat Moonwatcher groaned and peeled herself off of the floor.

"Yup . . . Everyone, meet Vic Hoskins."

He helped her to her feet, then looked at Ken and Eli.

"Which one is my student for the day?"

"The cyborg. The non-car cyborg."

He grinned and skipped over to Ken.

"Hi, there! I see you have a robot-arm. I used to have two robot-arms, but I asked for dinosaur-arms because it was getting hard to bake. Don't get me wrong: it's nice to have a spatula at the ready, but when it comes to dough, you knead hands! Ha! Just a little baking humour."

Ken narrowed his eyes.

"There is something deeply wrong with you . . ."

Vic turned to Moonwatcher, silently begging for help, but she simply shrugged in response.

"Sorry, bud. It's up to you, now."

Vic clapped his hands.

"Okay! Let's get started on the murder case, then. Do we have any leads?"

Moonwatcher snapped her fingers with inspiration.

"No, we do not! But I know where to start. Follow me!"

On the way out the door, Vic turned to face Wu's cage.

"Oh, hey! I didn't know there was another-"

He snapped his jaws. Vic yelped and scampered away.

"Nevermind."

***TSJWFKFEW***

Moonwatcher brought Ken and Vic to a small room, which was lit by a single, hanging light. She opened up what looked like an ancient laptop and started typing.

"This computer contains the last backup of a program that Elkay designed to gather information. It knows the answer to all of our questions, so you can ask it whatever you-"

"Why don't you ask it who the murderer was?" Vic suggested.

Moonwatcher's mouth hung open.

"Um . . . right, let me do that . . ."

She clicked an icon, then spasmed dramatically. When she let go of the mouse, she gasped.

"Oh, no! I accidentally deleted the file! Guess we can't look it up after all . . ."

Vic covered his mouth.

"How'd you do that?!"

"My finger slipped."

His tail sagged.

"That's too bad. We could have caught the murderer right off the bat."

She smiled sweetly.

"Accidents happen. On the bright side, our fanart folder is still intact. It's constantly being updated, so deleting the all-knowing SuperGoogle actually made room for more PNG files."

She clicked on a folder icon, opening up an assortment of sub-folders. Vic leaned closer to the screen, squinting.

"What does N-S-F-W mean? . . ."

"Um-"

Meanwhile, Ken had grabbed the mouse and clicked it, opening up sub-sub-folders, some of which had hundreds of listed files.

"Hey! That one has my name on it!" Vic gasped excitedly, "And Owen's, too! Did someone draw a picture of us?"

Moonwatcher was sweating profusely.

"You know, I'm not sure you want to-"

Ken clicked again.

"Oh my gosh, there are even more folders!" Vic squeaked, "But what do these labels mean? 'Micro/Macro' . . . 'Inflation' . . . 'Vore' . . ."

He gasped.

"Ooh! Click on 'Assorted Jell-o"! That sounds fun!"

Moonwacther made a grab for the mouse, but it was too late. As soon as Ken opened the folder, the color left Vic's face. He stared at the screen, eyes wide with terror. Moonwatcher gulped and spun around in her rolling chair.

"If it's any comfort, it's not as popular as Claire and Zara diaper porn . . ."

***TSJWFKFEW***

"What's wrong?" Eli asked.

"Nothing . . . I just got a chill for some reason," I replied, "Anyway, as I was saying, I need to find Moonwatcher as soon as possible."

Eli laughed bitterly.

"If you're having medical problems, Claire, the last person you want to tell is Moonwatcher. Unless you want half of the island to know about it, for some reason . . ."

I sighed impatiently.

"Eli, once again, I'm sorry about what happened to you, but I might be in serious trouble right now. I'm getting headaches, and I don't know what's causing them."

"Are they random?"

"No. They happen whenever I try to suppress . . . violent thoughts."

"Well, there's your problem."

I scoffed.

"What? Am I not being violent enough?"

"Trying to suppress your feelings is obviously triggering a physical reaction, so you're gonna have to find another way to deal with your impulses."

"Like what? Acting on them?"

"No. Unless you can find a way to do that safely."

I wasn't sure what Eli meant by "safely", exactly, since we were talking about an urge to kill and maim, but he did remind me of a . . . recent occurrence. Maisie had bought a fancy rat, and obviously Owen assumed that she intended to keep it as a pet, but instead, she brought it to me and asked me if I wanted to-

Yeah.

Now, I would have been concerned for Maisie, but I knew that she wasn't being bloodthirsty or anything. I myself had bought Sally a bug or two to keep her stimulated, so I understood that this was less about killing the rat and more about making me happy. Maisie had done the same thing with carrots and apples, making sure that Owen didn't catch her slipping me treats. I was almost like an oversized pet at this point, and while I didn't particularly enjoy being treated like an animal, Maisie was sweet to think of me, and she was having so much fun that I couldn't say 'no' to her. There was a huge difference between letting her brush my scales and accepting a live feeding-rat, of course, so I should have done anything but what I did next. I didn't intend to snap it up like that. It just sort of . . . happened. Maisie was startled by the sudden action, but once the surprise wore off, she simply pet my snout with the same hand that had only a few seconds prior been holding a living, breathing rodent. She ran her hand over my frill and caressed my head, pressing her cheek against mine.

"Owen doesn't feed you enough. It's so mean, only giving you treats when you do tricks for him . . ."

I cleared my throat, still shocked that I had eaten the rat.

"Owen knows what he's doing, sweetheart. He has to be strict, but he's also very kind to me. He has my best interests in mind."

She kissed my front horn.

"I love you, Claire."

"I love you too, Maisie, but-"

"Do you want more rats?"

(Yes!)

"No, that's okay, Maisie. I'm going to turn back into a human soon, and humans don't eat rats."

I remember wondering why she looked so disappointed. Was she upset that I had declined the offer, or that she was going to lose her personal dinosaur?

Anyway, I turned my thoughts away from the memory and focused on Eli.

"Letting the violence spring up helps with my headaches, but it can be dangerous. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"You won't."

I batted my eyes.

"Why not?"

He laughed.

"Well, because you have everything sorted out. You're not the kind of person who kills people."

"Are you?"

What a terrible thing to say. I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish by asking that, and neither did Eli, apparently.

"Well . . . I guess I must be . . ."

He stared into space. I rubbed my arm sheepishly.

"I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from."

He made a weird sound. I kicked my sickled claw idly.

"I don't mean to keep bringing it up, but . . . it's kind of a big deal."

Eli's throat wobbled.

"I . . . I know, but he was on his way out anyway, right? He wouldn't have lasted much longer, and- and I did what I needed to do to survive. It wasn't- it wasn't like I-"

He seemed to be talking to himself more than he was me. His gaze was distant, but he shook his head suddenly and snapped back to reality.

"What I did was wrong. It doesn't matter what I was thinking at the time. It was a mistake."

"So you just killed him . . . by accident? . . ."

"No, not by accident. But it was . . . not the right thing to do."

I narrowed my eyes.

"You think?"

He winced.

"Claire, I'd really rather not talk about this."

I shrugged.

"I'm just trying to get a sense of . . . Look, you're acting different, which could mean one of two things. Either you're lying to me like before, or you're genuinely sorry about what you did."

"I'm genuinely sorry about what I did. I'm not lying to you."

"But how can I be sure that you're telling the truth?"

"Because I'm not a murderer. I mean- okay, technically I killed a man, but it was . . . Shit. I'm not going to justify it. I don't want to- Okay, okay. What I'm getting at is this: I made a mistake, and it's a mistake that I'm going to carry with me for the rest of my life. I fucked up. But I didn't mean to be . . . Look, it's not in my nature, okay? I was forced into a corner, and-"

"You're justifying it again."

He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck. Listen, you know that's not what I'm trying to do. There's no way to explain it to you without sounding like-"

"Like you had a reason for doing what you did?"

"Yes, exactly!"

"Most criminals have motivations, but that doesn't make it right."

"No, no, I know. I know, I know, I know. But I'm not the kind of person who kills people."

"But you did . . . so it kind of seems like you are . . ."

A deep pain clouded his visage.

"Please, Claire, don't say that! . . . I don't want you to think that I'm a murderer!"

I tapped my claws.

"I know I sound like a broken record, but you shouldn't have murdered someone in the first place. That's all there is to it."

He retreated deeper into his cage.

"Claire, you said that you saw some good in me-"

"I never said that."

"Well, that's what I heard. I need you to know that I'm trying to fix what I did, and even if that's not possible, it doesn't make it who I am now . . ."

I sighed.

"Eli-"

"Claire, I have nothing left. Just a dim, wavering hope that things will get better. But it's looking like I'm going to be stuck this way forever, that I'll never be able to have a normal life . . . I mean, you have something to look forward to. Moonwatcher's doing everything she can to make you human again, but as for me . . . Well, she just doesn't care. No one cares. I'm alone. More alone than I've ever been in my life. I don't know how much longer I can survive this . . ."

I clenched my jaw.

"If you stop taking your medication again, I swear to god-"

He shook his head quickly.

"No, I don't want to die that way. I've thought about it, but . . . I don't want there to be suffering."

"Eli, stop."

He bit his lip.

"I'm not trying to scare you, Claire, but I'm really not doing well."

"That's not my problem."

"I know. I'm not saying it is. Far from it. But there's no one I can go to for help. I'm hanging on a thread, just like before . . ."

"Before?"

He gulped.

"Can I tell you a secret, Claire?"

"Sure . . ."

"Ben and I weren't exactly . . . close."

I cocked my head, frowning.

"No, I imagine not . . ."

"We were friendly with each other, but I was scared to death of the man."

"Kind of ironic . . ."

"Not ironic: counterintuitive. There's a difference. Anyway, when I took the job, I started off thinking that we'd be working together as friends, but along the way, I realized that your boss is never your friend. At the end of the day, if you fuck up, you're done. No matter how much sympathy they may have for you, they're your employer first, and your friend second. And that's not a healthy relationship."

"Uh-huh. What does this have to do with what we were talking about?"

His lip quivered.

"Well, I was constantly afraid of screwing up, so-"

"So you decided to betray him and get it over with?"

He frowned.

"No. I wasn't honest with him, but I lied out of fear, not malice. I knew what I had to do to ensure the growth of his fortune, but he would never have let me go through with it."

"And rightly so."

". . . and rightly so," Eli conceded, "The years I spent working for Ben Lockwood were some of the most stressful I've ever had to endure. I'd be amazed if it didn't knock a few years off my lifespan. I don't know why I ever thought I could be successful. It was miserable from start to finish. I remember the first time I met you, I thought to myself, 'Why the hell hasn't someone put her in charge? She deserves this position, not me,' I was a little scared that you'd take my job, actually. And be better at it."

I thought about the disaster that had led to the collapse of Jurassic World. Somehow, I doubted that I could have avoided such a catastrophe in Eli's position, though I would have had a cleaner record on the whole 'murder' front, without a doubt.

Eli rocked back and forth on his wheels slowly.

"I felt like such a nobody, and that feeling never went away. I had hoped that I'd find the courage to be proud of myself once I got to where I am now . . . or where I was a few weeks ago, rather."

He sighed and looked over his shoulder, letting his tail curl slightly.

"I guess this is what I deserved all along. But it still feels too good for me . . ."

I took a deep breath.

"Eli, when I met you, I thought that you had everything figured out, too."

He chuckled bitterly.

"Guess you were wrong."

"No, that's not what I meant. Listen, Eli, I felt the same way about my job. When we met, I couldn't believe that I was rubbing elbows with successful people like you. I was probably just as afraid of fucking up as you were."

He smiled sadly.

"Well, I guess we're just a couple of imposters. The difference is, I was actually right about myself."

I shifted my shoulders uncomfortably.

"Well, considering the way things turned out at the park, I didn't exactly do so hot either . . ."

He waved his paw dismissively.

"Nah, that wasn't your fault. It could have happened to anyone."

"I shouldn't have let them create a monster."

"Me neither."

I smiled.

"I guess you didn't learn from my mistake, huh?"

He tightened his lips.

"Ah, well . . . I thought I could do it better. I guess we can call that hubris."

"Still not irony?"

"Not even close."

"Hm. You'll have to explain that to me."

He sat down cautiously.

"I could spare some time, if you wanna wait for Moonwatcher to return . . ."

"Sure thing."

I tried not to notice how happy this made him.

***TSJWFKFEW***

"Look, we have no control over what the fans create," Moonwatcher said as she led Vic and Ken out of the compound, "Half the time, they're bitching that we got a date wrong or didn't properly distinguish between juvenile and mature dinosaurs based on their skull-shape or whatever, and that's when they're not obsessing over references to past instalments. By the way, Sorna still exists. Did that add anything to your reading experience? Did it fill the emptiness in your soul? No, it did not, so go buy a Funko Pop Raptor and leave me alone!"

Ken looked around.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Those shitbags."

". . . You're pointing at nothing."

She narrowed her eyes.

"They know who they are . . ."

She flipped off the same empty space, then put her hands on her hips.

"Guys, I gotta head off soon. Claire needs me to fix her headaches or whatever the fuck, so are you two okay on your own?"

Vic nodded.

"We'll be fine."

She smiled and slapped his arm.

"Good Vic. I'll see you later, unless I don't, in which case, bye!"

He watched her leave, and when she was out of earshot, he lowered his voice to conspire.

"Listen, there's a lot at stake. I took this job so that I could see my widow. I need to tell her that my death wasn't her fault. I don't think we have much of a chance as far as solving this murder case goes, but I think I can help you change your ways, which might be enough to convince Moonwatcher that I deserve to spend my last few hours with Zara. What will it take to get you to be a good person?"

Ken rubbed his chin.

"Hey, how about you help me with a project? If we do well, I promise to be my best self."

"Great! What did you have in mind?"

***TSJWFKFEW***

"So you see, if you're diabetic and get hit by a truck full of sugar, that's almost irony, but what would be really ironic is getting hit by a truck full of insulin."

"I see. And rain on your wedding day is-"

"Not ironic in the slightest."

"I was kidding."

Eli smiled.

"I know. I'd say that most of the time, people confuse irony for hypocrisy. It's a very easy mistake to make, but once you grasp irony in its truest form, you- Why are you laughing?"

I covered my mouth.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it! Most of your body language is hand gestures, and now that you're a dinosaur . . ."

He looked down at his tiny arms, then rolled his eyes.

"Christ. Don't let me do that in front of Owen, or I'll never hear the end of it."

"I think it's cute."

"Yeah, which is why he'd make fun of me. Owen's the kind of person who would shove kids like me into lockers at high school."

I looked him over. With tires like that, he could squish Owen flat in a millisecond.

"I don't think that's very likely."

After a pause, I bit my lip.

"Eli?"

"Yes?"

"Do you . . . do you ever get the urge to kill people?"

He frowned, hurt. I cleared my throat.

"Like, on an instinctual level, I mean. From the dinosaur part of your brain."

He shook his head.

"I don't feel any different from before. I mean, if anything, I've been less violent after changing, statistically speaking . . ."

He leaned against the side of his cage.

"No, I don't think I'm any different. I see Zia chasing squirrels in the park, Mr. Eversoll eating thistles in the forest, but I'm just sitting here being Eli, like I always am, but in a different body."

"Maybe you were as aggressive as a dinosaur when you were human," I joked.

"No, that's not it . . . I was a coward. Always have been. Still am. I wish I could feel more of a connection with my body, but it's so different from everything I know . . . and I realize that it's mine, I don't feel uncomfortable . . . but I'm ashamed that I look like this, because no one will ever give me a chance now."

I cocked my head, feeling alarmingly sympathetic towards his plight.

"But I suppose it doesn't matter, anyway," he breathed, "Even if people move past the way I look, there's nothing of value to be found. I did something horrible. It's exactly the kind of thing a monster would do, but I still don't feel like my inside matches my outside. I'm a big, hulking machine with the mind of a self-hating coward. All in all, I'm as broken as I was before, but now I have to go on knowing that I'm just as worthless as I always suspected."

He stared ahead sadly, then noticed the way I was looking at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that . . ."

"That's okay. I understand. It sucks, being a dinosaur."

"Yup. But on the bright side, you're not in this alone."

"Yeah, I guess we're kind of going through the same thing right now."

He pulled his head back with surprise.

"What? No, I was talking about Owen. You have someone who loves you, who doesn't care that you're a dinosaur."

"Oh, he cares all right."

I was caught off guard by the resentment in my own voice. Eli was, too.

"Um . . ."

I gulped.

"I mean, we try our best, but . . . I dunno. There are lots of lines in the sand."

"Hm."

I rubbed the space between my eyes.

"I suppose Moonwatcher told you about the meat grinder thing."

"If you're referring to your . . . um . . . then, yes. She told me."

I sighed and curled my tail around my feet.

"I feel disgusting."

"You're not disgusting."

"Well, how would you feel if having sex put other people in d-"

I choked a little.

"Oh. Right."

Eli twisted his mouth.

"If I'm on my meds, there's no risk of infection . . . but I could never go through with it, regardless. I just felt so . . . ruined. It took me a long time to stop internalizing that shit. I'm still not fully comfortable with . . . I'm sorry, this is too much information."

"Well, we've already discussed the meat grinder thing, so . . ."

He nodded.

"I'm sorry you feel that way about your body, Claire, but I just want you to know that this wasn't your fault. People might tell you that you're dirty or sinful or an abomination, but that doesn't make it true, no matter how much it hurts."

I felt my heart twinge.

"Thank you, Eli."

"Don't thank me: it's just the truth."

I smiled shyly, but when the doors swung open, I jumped ten feet off the ground. Owen came marching in with Iris by his side.

"Claire, you wouldn't believe what just happened! I was talking to this crocodile-looking chick outside the building, and she says that she knew the Henry Wu from this world before he died. She wanted to come see the other one, but she was afraid it'd make her new boyfriend jealous."

I looked over at Wu, who was snoring on his side, holding Nectarine between his claws like a stuffed animal. Drool trickled down his chin in thick gobs.

"Not sure why she'd be worried about that . . ."

Owen chuckled.

"That's not the weirdest part! She said that there was a raptor named Charlie who died too, but get this- it wasn't my Charlie. There is a version of my Charlie in another world, though. She's a human lawyer!"

"Neat."

We both turned our heads as Moonwatcher scampered through an open vent on Eli's side of the room.

"Let the records show that TSJPFEW did Charlie-raptor first!"

She coughed up a dust bunny.

"Heard you needed me. What's the trouble?"

I cleared my throat.

"Nothing, nothing . . . I had a headache, but it's gone now."

She blinked.

"Oh . . . okay . . ."

Owen rubbed the back of his neck.

"If all's well, can we grab a bite to eat?"

I perked up.

"Sure! Is Iris coming too?"

She shook her head.

"I'm here to speak with Mr. Mills."

Eli, who seemed disappointed that I was leaving, became utterly petrified. Iris turned and gave me a pointed stare.

"Alone."

I gestured towards the door to make sure that Owen was ready to leave. He nodded, following me as I lumbered forward with my head held low. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw Eli gazing at me with pleading eyes. I frowned apologetically and closed the doors behind me. I waited just long enough to hear the beginning of the conversation.

"I've been made aware of your medical situation, and I just wanted to say-"

I turned away quickly.

Despite everything, I felt really, really bad for Eli.

***TSJWFKFEW***

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Vic asked a giant, pink bunny as Ken tied a string around her front tooth.

"Ow, fo showe!" she lisped, "My teef nevuh stob gwowing."

Ken tied the other end of the string to a doorknob.

"Ain't it lucky we happened to find a willing participant? I thought no one would agree to this . . ."

The rabbit shrugged.

"I wath jus pathing thu, bud I'm alwath wiwing do hewb oud wib-"

Ken slammed the door shut. After a pause, the rabbit bounded up into the air and dashed down the hall, yelping in pain. Vic waved hesitantly.

"Bye, Jay-Jay . . ."

Ken reached down and picked up her bloody tooth.

"Nice one. Now we just need four more . . ."

***TSJWFKFEW***

"I've been made aware of your medical situation, and I just wanted to say that I'm truly, truly sorry."

"W-wait. What? . . ."

"I know how Benjamin felt about . . . I mean, I always wondered why you got so antsy whenever those subjects came up, but I just assumed-"

"It's fine, Iris. Really."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I . . . I didn't tell anyone. I'm sorry if you wanted me to disclose-"

"No, no, of course not. You don't owe me an explanation. I'm just saddened by this whole affair. I'm sorry if I ever gave you reason to doubt that I'd be anything but sympathetic."

"I don't understand . . ."

"Mr. Mills, I know we haven't been on the best of terms, but I always assumed that you were unkind to me because it was in your nature. I never once considered that you might be dealing with demons of your own."

"Iris, I wasn't- I . . . I didn't act the way I did because of what I was going through. Not entirely, anyway . . ."

"I can't imagine how terrified you must have been. It breaks my heart, even thinking about it. And Benjamin- God rest his soul- he was a good man, but he was not without his flaws, and thinking back . . . Good grief, you must have felt so alone."

"I . . . I did, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't excuse-"

"No, of course not. I'm not saying it does. But I wish I had been able to reach out sooner, to let you know that you're not alone."

"Iris, it wasn't up to you to-"

"I have endometriosis."

"Oh . . . oh my god, I'm so s-"

"Yes, yes, I know. When I told Benjamin . . . instead of receiving the support I was hoping for, I was told to keep quiet, to not complain about it. He said that if it got in the way of my duties, I'd be let go."

"Iris, I'm so sorry . . ."

"That was early on. I had just graduated from nursing school, and I was so happy to have a stable job . . . I let him get away with it. I said nothing, keeping a stiff upper lip and carrying on. But it ate away at my gut- his remarks, not the endometriosis. But also the endometriosis."

"Ah."

"I felt disgusted by my own body, and even more disgusted with myself for having told him."

"That's awful . . ."

"Yes, it was, but I see now that I'm not alone, that I wasn't the only person he hurt. I'm not saying that it justifies what you did- it certainly does NOT- but I understand your pain, in some ways. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm never too far away."

"Iris . . . Thank you . . ."

"It's the very least I can do. Owen told me that you've been trying to atone for what you did. He said it was impossible, but I beg to differ. I choose to show empathy, though it's conditional, of course. I hope you prove everyone wrong."

"I hope so, too."

"Good. I must go. I left Maisie with Franklin, and I'm afraid she'll have put him in danger by now."

"I . . . wouldn't doubt it. Goodbye, Iris. And thank you, again."

"Goodbye, Mr. Mills."

"Eli is fine."

"Goodbye, Eli."

***TSJWFKFEW***

As Iris exited through the double doors, Ken entered with Vic by his side. Eli quirked a brow.

"Back already?"

"We need a tooth!" Vic exclaimed, "I won't be allowed to see Zara, otherwise!"

"I'm sorry, I must be missing something . . ."

"Please, can you spare a tooth?" Vic asked again, eyes glimmering.

Eli leaned forward with interest.

"Would this count as a good deed?"

"Absolutely."

He lowered his head.

"Alright, you can take a tooth. Just make sure it's near the back: I don't want to look worse than I already do."

Ken rubbed his hand together greedily and reached for Eli's mouth. His eyes went wide.

"Wait, wait, wait! Aren't you going to use a tranquilizer or something? . . ."

Ken's robot-arm started clicking into position.

"Don't worry. It'll be quick."

"Wheatley, don't you d-"

Before he could get away, Ken reached forward and clamped his metallic fingers around a tooth. As Eli pulled his head back, there was a loud snap, and the tip broke off. He howled in pain.

"JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE-"

The doors slammed open, and Moonwatcher dashed forward with a tranquilizer gun in her arms. Eli's eyes went wide.

"Wait! I wasn't causing trouble! It was-"

He swayed back and forth as a dart pierced his neck. He landed heavily on his chin, groaning woozily. Moonwatcher put her hands on her hips.

"Okay, now that I've fired my gun, can someone tell me what's going on?"

Vic gulped.

"This was my fault. I intended to shirk my responsibilities and spend time with Zara."

"I see. Well, she's hanging out with Iris right now. They're being British together or something. But tell me, did you figure out who the murderer is?"

Vic's tail curled between his legs.

"No."

She hummed.

"That's okay. It's not important. Did you learn a friendship lesson, at least?"

Vic put his hands behind his back.

"You'd have to ask Ken . . ."

Moonwatcher turned and noticed that Ken was distracted by a set of teeth dangling from a fine thread. He stopped spinning them around and blinked, clueless.

"Sorry, what?"

"Did you learn a friendship lesson?" she repeated.

"Like what?"

"I don't know . . . sharing?"

Ken snorted.

"Are you kidding? Vic didn't even give me one of his teeth!"

He slapped his forehead.

"Because I'm a ghost! I would have helped you, otherwise . . ."

Ken laughed.

"Yeah, right! You're just doing this so you can see your wife. You don't care about me."

"I may find you disagreeable, but I care about everyone."

Moonwatcher twisted her mouth.

"Hmph. Looks like this was a big ol' waste of time. You ready to go home, Vic?"

He shook his head.

"No! I haven't seen Z-"

"Yeah, well, you kind of blew your shot by slacking off, so . . ."

Vic lowered his head. After a pause, Ken sighed loudly.

"Listen, it wasn't his fault. I encouraged him to come with me on a tooth-gathering mission. You can lock me up for being rotten, but don't keep Vic away from his widow on account of me."

Moonwatcher crossed her arms.

"It's uncharacteristically generous of you to admit that you were behind this, whether it's true or not."

He pouted.

"It's partly true, but at the end of the day, I'm just glad to have made a friend."

He held out his necklace.

"I want you to have this, Vic."

As he placed it around his neck, it fell through his ghostly essence and dropped to the floor.

". . . It's the thought that counts," Vic said with a shrug.

Moonwatcher rubbed her chin.

"Wow, you just gave up the one thing you care about most. If that's not a bookend to your character arc, I don't know what is! Alright, you're both free to go. I think we solved this predicament rather nicely."

Vic beamed.

"You mean I can visit Zara?"

"Sure."

She choked as he lifted her in a tight hug.

"GAK! Why am I the only thing you can touch? . . ."

He squealed gleefully.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll never forget what you did for me today!"

He dashed away, tail wagging behind him. Moonwatcher gave a little salute to Ken as she walked backwards towards the door.

"Go ask Gunnar to set you up in a hotel room. See if Zia and Franklin wanna switch roommates too. I don't know how you intend to organize that combo, but figure it out. I'll check up on you in a day or two."

"Sure thing!" Ken grinned.

"Alright. I'm proud of you, you deformed, reformed retrosaur!"

When the doors closed behind her, he burst out laughing.

"Hey, Mills! Did you see that? I pulled a fast one on 'em!"

Eli growled as he recovered from effects of the tranquillizer dart.

"You shouldn't take advantage of them like that!"

Ken pouted.

"Aw, you're just jealous because you're still locked up in a cage . . ."

Eli roared.

"Piss off! This is so unfair! I've been doing everything I can to win these people over, but they just don't seem to care!"

"Maybe you should try harder."

He flexed his claws.

"I'm trying as hard as I possibly can! But here you are, flying free as a bird because you faked kindness!"

"Eh, well, if they can't tell the difference . . ."

Eli grumbled, kicking his wheels angrily.

"Why won't they give me a chance? It's hard enough admitting to myself that I fucked up, but I can't seem to make things right with anyone. You're just as bad as me, if not worse!"

Ken chuckled.

"With all due respect, Mills, I never murdered anybody. I was smart enough to let the universe take care of things, but you went the extra mile. Good on you for committing to the part. Even if it bit you in the ass, it just goes to show how low you were willing to sink to save your own skin."

Eli didn't respond. Ken grinned and picked up the discarded necklace.

"Lemme know how things work out with the chain gang . . . and thanks for the tooth!"

He cackled on his way out the door, leaving Eli behind. He ran his tongue over the half-tooth, tasting gasoline instead of blood. In the cage beside him, a very drowsy Spinosaurus snorted and lifted his head.

"I think the tea that woman gave me was drugged. Did I miss anything?"

Eli continued to stare at the door.

"She put a chip inside of you without your consent earlier today. Now they'll be able to track you if you try to run."

Wu ran his paws down his neck, shivering.

"Where did she put it?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you."

He sneered.

"Oh, come on! I told you the code to your cage!"

"Right before abandoning me at the beach, if I recall correctly."

"You would have never figured it out on your own."

Eli gulped.

"I would have figured it out. Once Claire gave away yours, the pattern became clear."

"But they've changed it since then, right?"

"Yes. But I've figured out the new codes."

"Tell me."

"I won't tell you yours, but I'll tell you mine, in case I have another medical emergency and require immediate attention. It's 8922."

"Why's that?"

"I'd rather not say."

"Why? Would it give me a clue about mine?"

"No. Moonwatcher's just cruel, that's all."

Wu snuffed.

"Seems like that's true of most people on this island."

Eli lowered his head.

"No . . . just us."

"Us?"

"Me."

He lay on his side.

"Just me."

***TSJWFKFEW***

Jay-Jay the rabbit groaned and pressed a cotton swab against her bleeding gums. Her mouth was redder than her bottlebrush tail, and ten times as prickly. The intense pain, however, did not distract her from the thump of approaching footsteps. Her ears pricked and turned instinctively towards the noise. Moonwatcher emerged from the bushes.

"Hello . . ."

Jay-Jay's nose twitched.

"G'day."

"It's six at night. What are you doing, wandering these parts alone?"

"What 'parts'? It all looks like jungle to me . . ."

"It- Look, just tell me why you're here."

"Came looking for Serena, but I guess if she's dead, there's not much point."

"I see. And did Serena tell you that she intended to seek out Elkay?"

"No. I don't doubt it, though."

"Do you intend to do the same?"

"No. Never much cared for dragons."

Moonwatcher's hand slid down from her hip.

"Alright, then. Perhaps you should return to Asterpara."

"Right-o!"

She hopped away, but paused after a few leaps.

"Say, did you ever find out what happened to Serena?"

"No. We never found the body. But there hasn't been another stabbing since then, so I think we're in the clear."

She gave a half-toothless grin.

"Great! Toodle-oo!"

Moonwatcher waved goodbye, then turned around.

"By the way, Claire's still getting headaches. I'm gonna trust you guys not to tell her that I'm still narrating from her perspective. I have her best interests at heart, and I can't help her unless I have full access to her daily life. We cool?"

She smiled.

"We cool."