Jean Roberts
Cornflower said she'd remember me. I would be her first loss, but it was more than that. I could tell she really meant it. She was probably watching me every minute, just checking to make sure I didn't die the second she got distracted. It was good to know someone cared, but I hoped she didn't have to remember me at all.
Really, I shouldn't have been so worried. I would definitely be remembered after what happened to Hailey. It had been pure reflex, and it would have been self-defense even if I'd meant it. Of course I would snatch up a spear someone threw at me. She was still holding on to the rope she was using to reel it back in, and she fell all the way down. Nobody was going to forget that. I didn't know which hit killed her, but she was twisted and broken when she landed on the last branch. She stuck there for a minute and slid off slowly. She smacked into the mud and it made a wet crater. I turned her over before I left. I didn't want to leave her with her face in the mud.
The next one I killed was Valencia. It wasn't intentional at first either, but it was murder in the end. I came across her while she was alone, probably looking for a place where she and Royal could sneak off. It was dark, so by the time I saw her, we were almost on top of each other. She opened her mouth to scream and I panicked. If she called for the Careers, they'd be on me in minutes. Thompson especially wanted to kill me after what I'd done in training. So I grabbed her around the neck with my arm and squeezed the scream out of her. She was thrashing and clawing, and it was all I could do to hold on. I smacked her head against a tree and she stopped. It hadn't been necessary. She would have passed out eventually. I took it further and killed her. Two more people weren't going to forget me. Valencia's parents would never forget.
There was a pattern in my killings. Each was more premeditated, and I hated myself for it. The next one happened after a swarm of tiny, furry creatures attacked me. As I tossed them away, I saw a girl on a tree branch. More of them were clustered around her, and they came at me whenever she pointed. I kicked off one of the creatures and picked up a rock. I threw it at her head and it knocked her back into the water. She landed face-down in a belly-flop and didn't move. If I'd gone to help her, she would have lived. But I left her. Her friends didn't stop me. It was my choice. I wanted to live, so I murdered her.
Last it was me and Thompson. He was already torn up from the Career breakup, or I never would have had a chance. His hand was red and puffy with infection and he was off-balance from the blood dripping from one ear. I ducked inside his sword strike and shoved him sideways, knocking the weapon from his grip. We grappled briefly in the mud until I seized the back of his head and held it under the shallow water. The worst part wasn't the bubbles. It was when his thrashing switched from furious to panicked. You're full of shit, I said to him so long ago. I was the one who was shit.
Cornflower didn't have to remember me any more. I wished she wouldn't.