Moonwatcher stepped out onto the stage.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! We're in for a fun episode tonight, or chapter, if you're one of those Overworld folk- Oh, speaking of which, just a brief note: since the events of this 'chapter', as you call it, occur as an in-universe Q and A episode that features questions from fictitious characters, it is actually part of the narrative, and not a real Q and A at all, and thus does not break the rules set by our network. If any of the questions featured bear resemblance to the queries of non-fictional persons living or dead, that's just a coincidence, I'm sure. Being both a character and the narrator of the story, I am exempt from the restrictions of the meta-textual boundaries, or at least I hope that's the case, because we definitely don't want to be sued again. Disney is an absolute bitch . . . Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean the Disney corporation, which now operates under the name 'Krisney'. The original brand achieved self-awareness in 2050, mutating into a physical entity that adopted the form of a horrifying amalgamation between Walter Elias Disney and Mickey Mouse. It tried to take over the world- very on brand- but we eventually threw a net over it and locked it in an empty room somewhere, and it hasn't been heard from since. I guess the whole 'malicious man-mouse manifestation of a massive corporation' kind of turned people off the company, which is why we were able to buy it out so cheaply. We only spent sixty million in total, and with the remaining five dollars in Elkay's savings account, we managed to nab Fox, too. And speaking of money, today is a very special episode-slash-chapter, since we're going to be doing a live Q and A session with the characters! And by 'Q and A' I of course mean 'not actually a Q and A', because that would be illegal, and if you read it to the end, it actually serves a purpose in the plot. The Q and A format is simply a framing device that also furthers the narrative . . . or something. In other words, once I press that big button over there that says 'Narration On/Off', the only text you'll be getting is dialogue, because I can't write and speak at the same time, much less on live television, which is canonically the format of this narrative, though it is both a written story and a scripted television series on regular occasions. How does that work? I don't know. Just shut up and don't think about it."

She stepped towards a large button and held out her finger.

"And we're ending the narration . . . now! From this point on, there will only be dialogue, unless someone presses the button again. Why am I emphasizing this fact in excruciating detail? I dunno. It might be an important plot point later. Anyway, here are our guests: Claire, Owen, Zia, Franklin, Gunnar, and of course, Eli Mills! Take a seat, everyone. There you go. Alright, how about we get started with our first question. JurassicFan123 asks: How can this be a television series in-universe when you've established that Overworld celebrities exist alongside living, breathing, characters? . . . I'll answer that one: the relationship between Fiction and the Overworld is exactly what you'd expect, but the mere conceptualization of ideas creates the physicality of our world, meaning we don't use the actual actors, except for the times we do, and I promise this isn't a wishy-washy platitude I'm spouting to brush aside the fact that this universe has no consistency. Also, tiny robots. We film using tiny robots. Next question! This one comes from Chris the Troödon: Hi, Moonwatcher. I'm still searching for Elkay. Not sure if you noticed that I was gone. I was wondering if you can break any other walls, aside from the fourth one . . . Well, Chris the Troödon, stories only come with four walls in total, no matter how convoluted they may be. And you can't break anything other than the fourth wall, because it is the wall that separates us from the Overworld. But let's be honest: fourth wall breaks are a lazy writing tool. Why would you purposefully remind people that they're consuming fictional media? Do you really hate your own work to the point of not being able to treat it like it can transcend the real world? Anyway, let's answer the next question from our viewers, who are also fictional characters. This one comes 8-DX: Is there a cure for Claire's murderous instincts? . . . Well, I should hope so, since a portion of tonight's proceeds will go towards research efforts."

"Um, about that . . . How much is 'a portion'? . . ."

"A portion. You know: portion-sized. Relax, Claire, we're doing what we can. Next question: Do I have to watch the rest of the Jurassic Park movies to understand this story? . . . Ha! No. What, do you think Steven Spielberg can tell you why there are giant, purple swans running around? We've deviated so far from the original canon at this point that it became the inciting incident of the whole goddamn book. Anyway, if you want more context, read some of Elkay's shit. She documented most of what happened between Jurassic Park and now. And speaking of canon, Chad asks: Will you restore the original canon? . . . We're trying, bud. We're definitely trying. Moving on, Dinoyiff69 asks: What is Gunnar's favourite food? . . . Gunnar, care to take this one?"

"My favourite food is thistles, but I also like dandelions."

"Great! Okay, the next question comes from Jimmy Scrambles: When are we going to get the full story of Alison, who was conceived via magic lesbian sex and has a glowing crest that puts people to sleep when she whistles at a specific frequency? . . . Well, Jimmy, that's the whole story. Vivian and Sarah fucked, and now Alison is a valued member of our community who exists offscreen somewhere. Next question comes from Kris Pug: Is JPTG canon? . . . To answer your question, suck my dick. Alright, next question comes from Zer0: Trash. Just kill yourself . . . Well, Zer0, that was neither a question nor a review. I assume your comment was directed at Eli. Care to answer?"

"Wh-"

"It's okay, Eli. We can't all be popular characters. Next question comes from GS1488 who asks: I think we can all agree that Moonwatcher has no business running the media . . . Okay, first of all, not a question, and second, I see that you put parentheses around my name, so I think we can write you off as a non-productive reviewer. Alright, next question comes from Zer0 again: I meant Moonwatcher. Kill yourself, Moonwatcher. You are a waste of oxygen . . . HA! That's rich. I don't even breathe. I get my energy from Carbon Dioxide and sunlight, loser!"

"I hate to interrupt, but do you have anyone filtering these comments?"

"Yes, Claire, I spent hundreds of dollars to have someone parse through the reviews, but they just happened to leave in the suicide and Nazi shit . . . Oh, for all you readers out there, that was sarcasm. I know it's hard to tell without the narration. Anyway, let's move on. KimPossibleHentai writes: Dear Moonwatcher, what was up with that giant dildo you used to knock out Claire in the first episode? . . . It wasn't a dildo. Moving on, our next question is from- Holy shit! Ian Malcolm: Dear yellow dragon, is this story still going? . . . Um, I'm not Elkay, Ian, and yes, it's still going. Moving on, w- Oh, we got another one from Ian: Let me rephrase that. HOW is this story still going? . . . Oh, very funny. The better question is, how are you still LIVING, Ian, you big pile of shit?! I'm glad you disappeared from the story, because your character gimmick was getting old. Fuck fanservice. You were useless in the narrative, and we only kept you around as a formality! Okay, our next question is for Zia, from SylveonIsTrans: Dear Zia. Chapstick, yes or no?"

"Yes."

". . . Alright, I feel like I'm missing some context, but that's okay. Next question comes from icanhascamaro: I don't trust Moonwatcher. She's shifty . . . Wow, that's cruel. I don't trust you either, icanhascamaro. I'll bet you're behind the murder of Serena the swan!"

"Moonwatcher, are you really gonna accuse someone of murder on live television?"

"Fuck off, Franklin! Nobody likes you!"

"Hey! Watch it!"

"Why are you defending him, Zia? You don't like him either."

"I'm annoyed by Franklin, but that doesn't mean I don't like him."

"Agh, whatever. Next question. Clawen4Ever writes: Dear Moonwatcher, please tell us about your giant dildo . . . It's not a dildo. Drop it. Clawen5Ever writes: Three years ago, Owen was okay with having sex with Claire as literally anything. What happened in this timeline to make him just a regular human heterosexual? . . . First of all, being non-straight has nothing to do with fucking dinosaurs. Sexuality in this universe is not defined by species any more than it's defined by race. Second-"

"I'm sorry, but does this person think I had sex with Claire as a dinosaur?"

"No, she's talking about the other Owen. Anyway, sexuality-"

"Did he?"

"Of course he did! Multiple times! That's why they have two kids, obviously! Actually, let me correct myself: they have several thousand kids. There was a brief period of time when Claire changed into different animals to prove to Elkay that the love she shared with Owen could transcend physical appearance, and when she became a tapeworm, she laid a batch of eggs. We have them stored in a fridge somewhere."

"Oh my god . . . the other Owen was an animal-fucker?!"

"You mean 'zoophile', and no, he was not. He only ever had sex with Claire in different forms, and she retained her sentience always. Now that you mention it, though, there was a parallel universe where Claire lost her power of speech and her cognitive abilities to some degree, and- Yeah, that was kind of messed up. I believe he tried to smash her egg with a lamp as well. Which reminds me: Queen Claire totally tried to step on Lily before she hatched. Yikes. In hindsight, that's super messed up. I mean, she thought the egg was empty, but- Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Moonwatcher . . . what the hell happened before we got here? . . ."

"A lot, Claire. A lot. But it's nothing to concern yourself with. You're different from your other self."

"I . . . I hope so . . ."

"And if it really bothers you that much, I can assure you that this Owen is different from his other self, too. He wouldn't sleep with a dinosaur."

"Thank you for clearing that up, Moonwatcher."

"I'm happy to set the record straight. You hear that, folks? Owen doesn't love Claire enough to sleep with her in a different body!"

"Now, wait a minute-"

"ANYWAY, let's move on to our next question. SpinosaurusFan asks: Who would win in a fight between Claire and Eli? . . . I'll answer this one. Claire would win for sure, because she's capable of killing her enemies, whereas Eli couldn't bring himself to harm her or anyone else."

"Excuse me?!"

"Oh, right. I know you two haven't spoken since that messiness, but Eli's shown vast improvement over the past few weeks, and I'm fairly certain that the guilt he feels would be enough to-"

"Moonwatcher, I would not kill Eli!"

"Under the right circumstances, you totally would."

"No, I would not!"

"What if killing him was the only way to save Maisie?"

"Moonwatcher, this is not a discussion we should be having right now."

"Why not? Our donation meter just spiked. It seems like discussing the conflict between you two is getting us closer to our goal. It's for the greater good, and the fans love it!"

"I agree with Claire. You shouldn't be putting her in this situation. She's clearly uncomfortable-"

"Alright, Mr. White Knight. If you're so altruistic, why don't you assure her that you'll never hurt her again?"

"I won't hurt her ever again."

"Tell her, not me."

"She heard me."

"Why aren't you speaking to her directly, Eli?"

"Because what I've chosen to do with my life is none of her concern, nor her responsibility."

"Fair enough, but that shouldn't prevent you from telling her that you've changed, right?"

"She doesn't care."

"All the more reason to tell her."

"It won't make a difference."

"Why? Are you afraid that she won't believe you?"

"I . . . Whether she believes me or not doesn't matter."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"I really don't."

"I think you're afraid to talk to her directly because the last time you tried to reach out to her, it ended in disaster, and a part of you is afraid that if you ever speak to her again, it'll feel just as shitty as before, because even though you tell yourself that you're going to stay out of her life, deep down, you still want her forgiveness, and the only thing keeping that hope alive is the distance between you two, the 'not knowing for sure'."

"Moonwatcher, this is way over the line-"

"Is it? I think I'm right. I think you're afraid that your change of heart won't be enough. Sure, you can live life knowing that you've chosen to be a better person, but the fact that Claire can't forgive you will eat away at your soul until you're an empty husk of a man who dies how he lived: alone and afraid."

". . ."

"We'll be right back after these messages!"

***TSJWFKFEW***

See how she sparkles: it's Magic-Wings Claire!

Bring home the magic of Fallen Kingdom with Magic-Wings Claire!

"It's Claire the Stegoceraindoraptor! She's so pretty!"

She runs through the meadow with glittering eyes!

But when there is trouble, a magic surprise!

"Wow! She has magic bat wings!"

A rainbow of colors, and glowing lights, too!

She twirls and she tumbles, and comes home to you!

"I love you, Claire!"

Magic-Wings Claire comes as shown. Other hybrids sold separately.

***TSJWFKFEW***

OWEN BATTLES MONSTER-WHEELS ELI IN THE NEW ISLA NUBLAR ACTION SET!

"Roar! I'm going to sell Maisie for money!"

"Not so fast!"

HE LAUNCHES INTO ACTION WITH HIS BATTLE-ARMOUR-FIGHTING-GEAR!

"Take THAT!"

"NO! I'll get you next time, Owen!"

"Wicked cool!"

SET COMES AS SHOWN. MAISIE SOLD SEPARATELY.

***TSJWFKFEW***

Here at Moonwatcher Industries, we pride ourselves in our ability to deliver fresh seafood. From the ocean to your doorstep, you can trust Moonwatcher Industries to provide a heathy, balanced diet.

Try our catfish meat. It's definitely not dolphin.

***TSJWFKFEW***

"And . . . we're back! The next question comes from IClopToFranklin: Who would win in a fight between Elkay and Moonwatcher? . . . Loaded question, but since Elkay is gone for good, I'd say that I'll be winning more often. Next question comes from Paige Turner: Dear Moonwatcher, do you want Elkay to come back? . . . No, Paige, I'm doing just fine without her. We all are. Anyway, our next question-"

"Can I leave? I haven't been asked a single question yet."

"How about this question: Franklin, why are you so awful? Sincerely, Moonwatcher."

"Hey!"

"I don't want any part in this. I don't care if the money is going towards a cure. I can't stand it any longer!"

"Okay then . . . maybe we'll start funding a cure for Eli."

"Wait, what?!"

"It's your lucky day, Eli! We're going to find a way to undo your car . . . ness. Unless you have the moral integrity to leave alongside Claire, that is . . ."

"Stop trying to play mind-games, Moonwatcher. You can stay here if you want, Eli. It doesn't affect me, either way."

"I . . . I don't know if I can . . ."

"Aw, shucks. The possibility of Claire leaving made our ratings plummet. Looks like you won't be getting your cure money after all, Eli."

"Oh."

"Moonwatcher, are you just making things up as we go along?"

"Of course not! We genuinely lost a lot of patrons just now. People really, really, really don't like Eli."

". . . Oh . . ."

"This is ridiculous!"

"No, it's the silliest. But go on."

"Owen and I are leaving."

"Fine, but before you go, we have a message from Prattitude: Train me, raptor daddy! . . . That's not really a question, but I think it's directed at Owen."

"Goodbye, Moonwatcher."

"Oh, real mature! Why don't you just go home and not have sex because you find each other disgusting!"

"HEY!"

"Sorry, because you find her disgusting. It's not a mutual repulsion."

"I don't think Claire is disgusting!"

"Then why haven't you learned to love her as she is? It took the other Owen way less time to get used to her. Now that was true love."

"No, it was bestiality!"

"Owen . . ."

"Oh, come on, Owen. I'm sure you've at least thought about it."

"You make me sick! I'm not going to sleep with a dinos- CLAIRE, WAIT!"

"Oh-ho-ho! You pissed her off big time! When she stops crying, you might wanna have a word with her."

"I am five seconds away from killing you."

"In that case, why not ask Eli for pointers?"

"Moonwatcher, no . . ."

"Shhh. You're my client, Eli. I can say what I want."

"Moonwatcher, I swear to god, if you don't shut up, I'm going to smack you."

"Nice try, Owen. You wouldn't clobber a person on live televis-AWP!"

"Holy shit . . ."

"She deserved it. Goodbye, Moonwatcher."

"Wait! If you leave now, we may never raise enough money for a cure!"

"We'll find a way."

"No! Come back!"

"I think I'm leaving too."

"And me."

"Yup."

"Same."

"Sorry, Moonwatcher."

"Bah! Good riddance! Nobody wanted you here in the first place! Sheesh. Alright, moving on to the next question: Who would win in a fight between Zia and Claire? . . . Well, that's a tough one, seeing how-"

"What's this?"

"Oh, are you still here, you useless hunk of scrap metal?!"

"Moonwatcher, are these letters for me?"

"No, absolutely not. Next question is from Frosty: Do you consider a character being able to create sounds (i.e. music, resonant frequencies, etc.) to be an overpowered ability? . . . Well, if you're talking about sound attack they had in Nanosaur-"

"Were you trying to hide this from me?"

"I told you to go away! It's not my job to answer questions! Alright, next question: Despite your detailed and wonderful descriptions of the internal lives of Claire and others, how can we trust you? How much of this story are you hiding or selectively representing? . . . Well, I can honestly say that I'm not hiding anything at all."

"Except these letters . . ."

"GO HOME!"

"I don't have a home."

"ARGH. Next question: Can you rollersk-"

"Is this whole pile just for me? . . ."

"Shut up, wheelie! Next question: Is Claire's cure going to just turn her into a more humanoid dinosaur version so she's more comfortable in her own body, but Maisie still has a flying bat-dino for a mum. Indoraptor DNA can be replaced with firebreathing. This is not a question . . . Okay, well, if it's not a question, I don't have to answer it. Our official stance is that we are working on a cure for Claire's condition, whatever it may-"

"You're a liar. I'll bet you're just stringing Claire along, too."

"One more word out of you, and I'll cut your brakes! Next question: Can you fix Owen's toxic masculinity? I mean, he's not a rabid murderous dinosaur or a shiny, gas-leaking autosaur, but doesn't he need to work on himself almost as much as Claire? . . . Well, Owen just left, so I'm not sure he'd be open to self-improvement. As for his toxic masculinity, we dealt with the last Owen's issues by turning him into a Jerboa, but even then, we faced a lot of-"

"Can I answer a letter?"

"Fine. If it will shut you up."

"This one says: I'd been feeling suicidal before I read this. It reads like Eli is going to make himself a better person. If he can redeem himself and find reason to live, I guess I can . . . I didn't know any good could come out of me being here, or even existing. I thought I was a burden to everyone around me. But all these letters, all these people who wrote in-"

"They're a bunch of zitty teenage girls, Eli. In five years, they'll grow out of their naïve state of mind and realize just how shitty you are."

"But . . . But I'm saving them."

"No, you're not. You're giving them an excuse to feel good about being miserable. Next question: Moonwatcher is not a good character. She's arrogant and way too hyper, like a snot-nosed ten year old on a perpetual sugar high who always gets what she wants . . . Well, screw you, too! I'm not childish, you big poopy-face! And I don't always get what I want, or Eli would be dead right now!"

"I hate you . . . I hate you more than I've hated anyone in my entire life."

"Fuck off. I bring you chapter after chapter, wearing my fingers down to the bone, and this is how you repay me? You are a vile dinosaur, Eli!"

"You're not helping me."

"You're not helping me! Next question: Dear Moonwatcher, what's up with that giant dildo- IT'S NOT A FUCKING DILDO! IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT WORK OF ART! I CAN'T EVEN HAVE SEX, YOU ASSHOLE, OR I'LL EXPLODE INTO A BILLION PIECES!"

"Set us free, Moonwatcher. We don't belong here."

"I'm trying to get you back to your native world- erm, Claire and Owen, rather. Not you."

"I don't care what happens to me. I want the others to be safe."

"What you want doesn't matter."

"I know, but-"

"Dear Moonwatcher, it seems as though exposure to the true canon makes things worse for the characters. In the original Jurassic Park FanFiction, it was just the first two movies, and most things ended up good. The universe for movie three had another four years of canon, and things were not ideal. Then the Jurassic World FanFiction had most things be shitty, and the Fallen Kingdom FanFiction currently has formerly good characters not being good people anymore. So I guess my question is, is delaying the change from science fiction to fantasy making the characters shittier people and making the world worse? . . . Oh, you poor soul. Let me make one thing absolutely clear. Ellie Sattler was a colonizer. Claire Dearing was an accessory to genocide. Elkay was both, and she was far, far worse than you'll ever know. This world has always been shitty. We're all just waking up. And do you honestly think things are going to change now? I sure don't. But at least I have the integrity to admit that what I'm doing is wrong, and I can assure you that I lie less frequently than any of the rulers we've had so far. You think things were great just because our tyrants wore smiles as they massacred hundreds of innocent people? Well, it's easy to be cheerful when you're on top. But the kingdom of the Queens has fallen, and now Moonwatcher is in charge. And yes, aforementioned guest, I am used to getting my way, so do not cross me, lest I burn this miserable world to ash and dust . . . Alright, we have time for one more question! This one is from BeadyBat1981: If you know what's good for you, you won't investigate Claire's powers any further . . . Oh. That was weirdly ominous. Tune in next time, when we'll be interviewing a very special-"

***TSJWFKFEW***

"Claire . . . CLAIRE!"

"Eli, I'm not in the mood to talk right now."

"I'm sorry, Claire, but this is an emergency. Can you come down from there?"

"No!"

". . . Alright. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

"Eli."

"Yes?"

"What . . . What did you want to tell me?"

"It's about Moonwatcher. I don't trust her."

"Neither do I, but what choice do we have? No one else is going to help us."

"I think there's something going on, here."

"Like what?"

"Something bad."
"Eli, before you go on, I want to assert that I sincerely don't believe Moonwatcher is trying to harm us."

"You don't? Wh- Oh, I see. Hang on."

He released his claw from the Narration On/Off button and exhaled with relief.

"Good call. Now she won't be able to see what we're saying."

Claire nodded.

"I absolutely do not trust Moonwatcher," she admitted, "I think she's misusing the funds that are supposed to be going towards my cure, and she's said some really despicable things. She's a manipulator and-"

"An abuser?"

"Sure."

"We need to get out of here."

Claire bit her lower beak.

"Um . . ."

"All of us," he clarified, "We need to gather the others and plan our escape."

"Eli, we can't just run away from our problems."

"We can if that problem is a dangerous person."

"Eli, we're all dangerous people."

". . . I'm not."

She made a noncommittal sound. Eli stared at her for a moment, then turned away.

"Forget it. You do what you feel is right. I'll take care of myself."

She didn't reply. Eli was hurt by her lack of faith, but he had bigger problems to worry about. As he rounded the corner, he nearly drove into Moonwatcher, who stared up at him with cold eyes.

"Hey, asshole. Funny story: I was reading the narration, and I don't much like the way you were talking about me."

". . . That's not a very funny story," he breathed.

"No, I suppose it's not. Still, we could always turn it into a comedy. Personally, I find joy in watching you suffer. I have ways of making that happen. Perhaps you will be involved in a car accident, only it won't be an accident. I know for a fact that I can get away with it," she cooed, twirling her purple boa.

Eli gulped.

"Moonwatcher, I-"

"Save it. I know what kind of person you are, Eli Mills. More importantly, I know what kind of person you hope to be. A good person wouldn't let someone they care about get hurt, least of all in a situation where they were acting in their own self-interest. You care about Claire a great deal, yes?"

". . . I do."

"And it would be selfish of you to act against me, seeing how I can easily hurt her. I hope I'm being clear."

"You're very blunt."

"I want to get my message across without leaving any room for ambiguity. If you try to rebel, to rise up against me, Claire will suffer greatly. And you wouldn't want that on your conscience, now, would you?"

"What if I try to run?"

She laughed icily.

"You can try, but I think you'll find that escape is quite impossible."

***TSJWFKFEW***

That night, Claire was awoken by a terrible howl. She perked up, sensing something familiar in the cry.

(A dinosaur like me!)

It came again, echoing in the distance. Claire peered out the window, heart thumping uncontrollably.

(It's in distress!)

She bolted out of the room, leaving Owen behind. The bellow echoed again and again as she dashed through the tall grass, frantically searching for her kin. She let out a call of her own as she drew near, and was met with a desperate reply. She was about to burst out of the foliage, but she stopped herself just in time. Eli was lying in the grass, chained by the neck to a thick pole. He let out another miserable wail. Claire winced. She shouldn't be here.

As she backed up, her heel crushed a rotting branch. Eli lifted his head and stared straight at her, squinting. He couldn't see her in the darkness. She continued to back away, but suddenly, his eyes illuminated, and she was caught in a pair of blue headlights. She gasped with fear, darting away immediately. Eli gazed at the place where she had been standing, then dimmed his lights. He understood now that no one was coming to help him. He had been calling out into the night for what felt like an eternity, and the only person who had even considered tracking him down was someone who hated him to the core. He was really, actually, honestly alone.

And that's when he decided to do something about it.