Yorkshire, England – 1816

"I'm at your command, Your Grace." Anna smiled back at John, biting at her lip and John shivered.

"Careful when you speak like that, Duchess." John ran his hand along her arm, tugging slightly to bring her toward him as he slid toward her.

"And why is that?"

"Because you'll give me ideas and those are dangerous things to have." John rotated so Anna leaned over him.

"I haven't minded it so far." Anna's fingers stroked down John's chest. "And I'm excited for your next idea."

"My next idea is to obey your request." John went to shift himself under Anna but she pulled back slightly. "Unless you…"

"I don't know what you're planning."

"I'm planning on allowing us to do… this…" John smiled at Anna's nervous giggle. "As soon as possible."

"But you're beneath me."

"Not completely." John noted Anna's hesitation. "There are many ways and… positions, to enjoy for this."

"There are?"

"Absolutely." John leaned over to kiss Anna's neck. "There's a book, if you're interested, that could open your eyes to the possibilities of the marriage bed."

"Have you read it?"

"Once or twice." John swallowed and immediately felt the blush in his cheeks. "I haven't studied it thoroughly."

"But you know it?"

"Well enough."

"Good." Anna ran her finger down the line of John's face, "Then I'll let you teach me the possibilities in our marriage bed."

"It'd be my pleasure."

"And most assuredly mine." Anna moved to put her mouth over John's, "Now what do you want to teach me?"

"How to ride me."

Anna drew her head back before John could kiss her. "Excuse me?"

"You're going to learn how to ride me."

"I couldn't possibly do that."

"It's as easy as riding a horse… Just a bit more fun." John grinned at her, "I promise it's enjoyable."

"For whom?" Anna eyed him as John lay fully back on the bed.

"If we're doing it right then for the both of us." John extended his hand to her. "Swing your leg over and sit as if you're in a saddle."

"A saddle?"

"Of course." John frowned, "Do you know how to ride bareback?"

"I've never tried it so I've no experience."

"Then imagine you're getting into a saddle."

"You're not wearing anything even close to that." Anna teased but followed John's direction and eased a leg over his legs.

"Wearing anything would quite defeat the purpose." John teased back and used his hands on Anna's hips to gently place her so she straddled his hips. "But the basic idea is the same."

"As riding in a saddle?"

"As riding a horse." John tried to fight a laugh.

"What?"

"It's…" John shook his head. "It's just that if you're never ridden bareback then you'll now get something close to that experience."

"Because riding you is like riding bareback?" Anna arched an eyebrow at him. "I highly doubt it."

"Then I guess we'll have to see what you think about it." John sat up, his hands sliding over her thighs to bring her close enough so her breasts pressed into his chest when they breathed. "For the moment, just feel and move."

"Move?" Anna's hands ran up John's arms and gasped out when one of John's hands moved between them to run his fingers through her wet folds. "How?"

"However you feel." John pressed his palm against her clit, applying pressure steadily as he stroked his fingers through her folds.

"However I feel?" Anna's hips started to roll against John's hand and he forced himself to take a deep breath as the motions rubbed her ass against his rising erection. "Like this?"

"Perfect." John tipped forward, his hand on Anna's thigh keeping it to his hip to help ground her movements, and ran his lips over her neck. "What do you want to do now Anna?"

"I… I don't know." Anna's hips rocked into John, her fingers digging into John's shoulders as she titled her neck to expose it to more of John's kisses. "What else… What else happens now?"

"Whatever you want." John paused, his fingers crooking inside Anna to stroke along the delicate muscle there. She arched into John and he tracked his kisses lower to cover her breasts again.

"Keep… Keep going. Please." One of Anna's hands clamped the back of John's neck as her nails left crescent shapes on his shoulder. Her motions lost rhythm, almost bouncing on John's hand as he twisted his wrist to try and bring Anna to the edge of climax. "I'm… I'm close to… I don't know."

"Climax." John took his lips back to Anna's neck, his fingers digging into her thigh as he whispered in her ear. "It's the height of pleasure."

"Is that what you're feeling?" Anna huffed against John's ear as her body tightened in his hold. "Is that why you're… Is that why you're heating and growing against me?"

"That means that I'm getting close." John pressed his palm against her clit and pushed his fingers deeper. "But you'll come first."

"Is that an order?"

"Do you want it to be?"

"Please." Anna's arm wrapped around John's shoulders. "Make me…"

John kissed Anna as her vaginal walls clamped tightly around his fingers. She cried out into their kiss, breaking away as the last of her cry came out and the tension in her body dissipated. Holding her close, John slowly withdrew his fingers, stroking her through the ends of the quivering muscles and leaned back.

"How do you feel?"

Anna put both of her hands on John's cheeks and dragged his lips to hers, kissing him sloppily and huffing through the aftermath before pulling back. "What comes next?"

"Next," John shifted Anna slowly, carefully releasing his fingers from her thigh to lay back. "You mount me."

"Mount you?"

John nodded, his head digging into the pillows as he positioned himself beneath Anna. "If you want, then you slide-"

Anna rose onto her knees and sank halfway down John's length, immediately silencing him. His fingers flexed against her skin, keeping himself from holding tightly to her hips, as Anna lifted herself and then lowered until they rested skin-to-skin. "Is that how?"

John could only nod, his response choking off as Anna tested out a rocking motion. In almost a replication of her earlier movements, John lay almost as spectator to Anna's maneuvers and experiments with speed, rhythm, and angle. He only moved when the shadow of frustration creased Anna's forehead. Her fingers scraped down John's chest, as if trying to drag something from his skin, but held at his sides while her knees dug into his hips.

His hand covered one of hers and led it to the crux of her thighs. Manipulating her fingers, John guided Anna to bringing herself to climax again. As her vaginal walls clamped on him, matching the dig of her nails in his side, John gritted his teeth. Lasting only another moment, John released and thrust through the ends of Anna's orgasm until he relaxed back into the bed.

Slumping forward, Anna put her cheek to John's chest and heaved for breath against him. The caving of John's chest as he fought to slow the race of his heart, raised and lowered Anna's body until she lifted herself from his skin. "Is it always like that?"

"If you do it right." John blinked at her, noting the glint in Anna's eye. "What… What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"I don't believe that." John wagged a finger at Anna as she shifted, drawing herself off him. "What are you up to?"

"I'm not sure." Anna moved down John's chest, her fingers tracing over his skin. "But I know that I don't know enough."

"No?" John lifted himself onto his forearms to watch as Anna slid back a bit but continued to trace her fingers down his body.

"No." Anna paused, her fingers stroking around his hips and working closer and closer to where he lay half-aroused. "But I do know what I want to try… And learn more about."

"What do you want to try?"

"This."

Anna dipped her head and took John in her mouth. His back arched and his fingers gripped tightly into the rumpled sheets of the bed. The tension in his body did not release until Anna drew back, her tongue leaving a final lick around his head.

John fought for breath, "How'd…"

"If I could do it with my hand, and you've done it on me with your mouth, then why couldn't I use my mouth on you?" Anna ran her tongue along the base of him, "Do you like it?"

"I…" John pressed his head back into the pillow as Anna's hand smoothed over the length of John before taking him in her mouth again. "Judas Priest!"

Anna's tongue wrapped around him, her hand squeezing the base of him before running her fingers down to fondle his sack. John's heels dug into the bed and his knees almost bent by reaction. Instead he fought it, and bit the end of his tongue as the pressure built at the base of his spine.

"Anna…" John gasped out, one his hands reaching out as if to grasp for her shoulder. His fingers found her hair, running through the strands as she turned toward him. "If you keep going I'll… It's…"

"What happens?" Anna slowly drew her fingers along the length of him.

"You'll taste…" John fought himself to speak. "You might not…"

"What happens if I do?"

"Do?"

"Like it?" Anna shifted to put her mouth over his. "What do I do if I like it?"

"Then you'll have to wait… For anything else."

"And if I don't want to wait?" Anna kissed him, a degree of desperation in the movement of her lips over his. "What do I do then?"

"Whatever you want."

"Then," Anna pushed herself back, "I think I want to ride you again."

John could only watch in shocked amazement as Anna straddled him again but, this time, put her back to John. Looking over her shoulder as she settled, Anna gave a sigh. "Is this one you've done before?"

"No… I don't… I haven't…"

"But you know what this is, yes?"

"Yes." John arched his neck back into the pillow again as Anna slipped forward to rub her soaked center against John's almost aching erection.

"I want to try it." Anna maneuvered forward and slid herself easily down John's length. "It… It's different each time."

"Yes." John's hands moved to Anna's thighs, sliding over her skin as if he could distract himself from the desire to immediately thrust upward. "Do you… Do you like it?"

"Yes." Anna rose and fell, her muscles flexing under John's fingers. "It's… You're different this way."

"Different?" John frowned, hips thrusting shallowly as Anna rocked into him. "Different how?"

"Different in how it feels." Anna leaned forward, her hands digging into John's legs as she rolled her hips into his. "You're deeper this way."

"And you like it?"

"Yes." Anna almost hissed and straightened, angling her hips slightly.

"If we…" John scooted forward slightly to dangle his legs off the end of the bed and plant his feet on the floor. His grip on Anna's hips allowed him to keep her close as he sat up and put his chest to her back. The movement slotted them closer and John wrapped an arm around Anna's abdomen. "How do you feel now?"

"Perfect." Anna sighed, her head leaning back onto John's shoulder as he used the edge of the bed and the steady thrust of his hips to set a rhythm. "John… It's… I can't… I need that feeling again."

"You can do it." John's other hand abandoned his grip on her thigh and took one of her hands to her center. Her other hand came back and clamped around his neck to hold herself steady as John's hand guided hers over her clit. "It's practice. You'll learn how to do this."

"You'll teach me?"

"I'll do whatever you want." John kissed at Anna's exposed neck as he left her hand to care for the edge of her climax and carefully wound up her body to knead at her breasts. "What do you want Anna?"

"I want to come." Anna thrust herself back onto John, almost bouncing as her fingers flurried over her nerves.

"Then do it." John nipped at her ear before meeting Anna's kiss when she turned into him.

She moaned out, her nails scraping down the back of his neck as she settled over him. In the moment, John waited for Anna to relax. Then his arm around her abdomen tightened to keep her close as his thrusts turned erratic. Their kiss broke, their breathing heavy as their cheeks pressed together, and John grunted out as he finished. Finished and almost collapsed back as Anna sagged against him.

Trying to maneuver carefully, John managed to get them back onto the bed as much as possible but it did force him to release Anna to try and get them both settled. Anna rolled to her side, breathing out as she settled and John gasped for air. He huffed out, breathing deeply to fill his lungs.

"You, Duchess, will be the death of me."

"Will I?" Anna's hand ran over his arm and John turned his head to see him. "That would be a shame."

"Would it be?"

"Of course." Anna moved onto her chest and shifted to put her head on John's shoulder. "I'm barely a wife and I'd make myself a widow."

"But you'd inherit all of this."

"And then become a wealthy widow, subject to the attention and struggles of trying to find a husband before someone tried to steal my fortune." Anna kissed at John's shoulder, "I'd rather keep you."

"Thank goodness." John sighed, and reached up to cover one of Anna's hands with his, bringing her palm to his lips to press a kiss there. "And if you do kill me, through your… interests-"

"Which you've taught me and encouraged."

"I take full responsibility for whatever part I'll play in my own death." John put Anna's hand over his heart. "But I wouldn't mind dying because you've simply wrung the life from me."

"You've unlocked something in me."

"I'm glad to've been of assistance in it." John closed his eyes, letting out a breath. "And, if you're interested… Once we've rested, perhaps I can show you that the marriage bed isn't the only location for such activities."

"No?"

"No." John blinked to look at Anna. "I've a large tub and I want to show you what I can do in it… With you."

Anna only grinned back, "I'm your eager student."

Yorkshire, England – Present Day

His eyes opened and John sat straight up, taking a deep breath through his nostrils. Shaking, he put his hands out on the sides of his cot and gripped the edges tight enough to whiten his knuckles. Forcing his eyes closed, and taking deep breaths he counted slowly, John finally felt his breathing ease to normal as his heart stopped racing in his chest.

As he opened his eyes again, John noticed Anna standing in his doorway. She jumped slightly, when she noticed his gaze, and pointed to the corridor before pointing to his door. "I'm sorry, I hope I didn't… I wasn't… the door was open and-"

"It's fine." John put a hand up, "I hope I didn't wake you."

"Wake me?"

"If I was… crying out." John swallowed and shifted on his cot. "I've got some… I have nightmares and sometimes I cry out. I was just hoping I didn't wake you."

"Michael took care of that." Anna leaned on the doorway and gave him a small smile. "How long… How long have you had your nightmares?"

"Years." John took a steadying breath and pushed himself sideways on the cot to lean his back against the wall. He picked at his shirt, pulling it from his body to try and air through the sweat soaking it to his skin. "It's… I'm used to them but I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Only a little." Anna shifted in place and then pointed to the chair inside John's room. He nodded and he crossed the space to sit there. The silence stretched between the two of them for a few moments before she spoke again. "I had them."

"What?"

"Nightmares." Anna leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and interlacing her fingers. "I had them for… months."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Anna shrugged, "But I had them. For about six months after India and Nepal. It was… terrifying."

"They usually are." John waited, noting the way Anna dry-washed her hands and then focused on them when she spoke again.

"They were about getting caught. They were about Green… About… About the horrific combination of those scenarios in every way my brain could imagine."

"I'm…" John swallowed, "I'm still sorry."

Anna did not argue with him this time. "It… According to my therapist, it happens as a side-effect of PTSD."

"I got told that once."

"You did?"

John nodded, "I had a few times where I had to sit with a therapist and a psychologist for my periodic reviews. They told me my nightmares were side effects of what happened to me and I could wait them out."

"When did they tell you that?"

"About a decade ago." John spread his arms and slapped them on his thighs before shrugging. "I guess it's going to happen any day now."

Anna gave a little laugh. "I hope so." She sighed and pushed herself back into the chair. "I'm tired of my nightmares already."

"I can't imagine it helps you get much rest with Michael."

"No. It doesn't help." Anna swallowed. "But I think…"

John perked up but Anna did not continued. "What do you think?"

"It's…" Anna gave a little sigh, the beginning of an awkward laugh, and then met John's eyes. "I never had a nightmare about you."

"Never?"

"Never. Even when I saw the scarier side of you, I… I always felt safe with you." Anna shrugged into the back of the chair. "For as bad as everything there was, it wasn't as bad as it could've been and that's thanks to you."

"I wouldn't want to take too much credit for that."

"Take whatever credit you want for it but it's still true." Anna stood, standing in place a second before she went to the door. There she stopped, her hand on the wall, and turned back to look at John. "Because of you I'm alive. I knew you were going to keep me safe and get me out of there."

Anna tugged on her fingers and nodded at him. "And you did."

"I'm glad I got you out safely." John pushed himself off the wall and slid off his cot. "And I hope I can repeat the performance here."

"Repeat…"

"With you and Michael." John pointed between she and the other room. "I hope I can keep you both safe."

"I think you will."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Experience and instinct." Anna smiled at him, "I trust you."

John watched Anna go back to her room and finally checked the time. Small hours or not, spending another half-an-hour fighting to try and sleep proved a useless endeavor so John forced himself up and into his prosthetic. Or, far enough into it to reach his closet and examine his selection. Fitting on the one that bore a vague resemblance to the thinnest scoop ever attached to carbon fiber, John sighed at the piece and shook his head.

"It's bloody kangaroo leg."

Despite the assessment, and the odd way it bounced when he walked on it if he thought too much about the dynamics of the medical miracle, John found himself sweating for a different reason as he ran the boundary of the estate. At least the fenced portions open to the general public in the hours later in the morning… Instead of the crest of dawn.

The silence, or relative silence of the country morning, offered only fog and the chirping buzz of animals moving from nocturnal to diurnal habits. Most of them ignored John's presence, or moved out of his reach as he passed. Which suited John just fine. Especially since an animals he hoped he might avoid, his nightmares, persisted in keeping pace with him.

When the ache in his body, exacerbated by the ache below his knee, persisted, John slowed and finally walked back toward the house. As he did, walking a little oddly to account for the mechanism of the running leg, John frowned at the sound of a car on the gravel. As he turned to see the car his shoulders slumped slightly.

Turning back to the house, as if he could pretend he never saw the car, John continued walking as the car drew even with him and kept pace. John, with a sigh, turned to smile at the driver. "Morning Henry."

"Morning." Henry nodded at John, "I thought you were out of the Army."

"But not out of a job." John moved to continue walking up the driver. "I've got to keep fit for this job."

"You like it?"

"Pays the bills."

"I thought your last severance did that."

"It paid for the renovations, not the upkeep." John circled the front of the house, heading for the main entrance for the basement of the house. "But you already know all that."

"It's still polite to ask." Henry parked the car and exited, practically unfolding himself from the interior. "And, given the way you spoke the last time we saw one another in person, I'd say it's polite that I'm even here. Some might say downright gracious of me."

John took a deep breath, put his hands on his hips, and then pivoted to look Henry in the face. "You're right, it is. And I'm very grateful you even took my call, much less drove yourself some four hours away from your hearth and home to help me out with this."

"I was in the area anyway."

"Liar."

Henry only shrugged before shifting his weight. "I was surprised to get your call and, therefore, answered it a bit more on knee-jerk reaction than because I really felt like I should."

"So you're not here because you feel you owe me?"

"No." Henry straightened, "I'm here because my friend needs my help. There aren't any debts between us John. As far as I'm concerned, anyway."

John took another deep breath and held it for a moment. Just before the point it strained his lungs he released it and closed the distance between he and Henry to extend a hand. "I'm sorry, for what I said in that hospital. It was unfair."

"But not entirely untrue." Henry took John's hand and shook it. "I accept your apology if you accept mine. I should've tried harder to get more for you."

"You being here is apology enough." John released Henry's hand. "And you saved Anna's life so that's got to count for something significant right?"

"It counts to me." Both men turned as Anna came up the stairs from the basement, holding a bleary-eyed Michael. "I thought I heard voices I recognized."

"I hope you see someone you recognize as well." Henry spread out his arms. "I'm not much to look at any day but I do hope I look about the same."

"Of course you do." Anna moved Michael to one arm and used the other to hug Henry. "How are you?"

"Good enough to be out amongst the moors, hills, and dales of this the Great North." Henry pulled back and looked at Michael. "You are getting rather big little man. What are you, six now?"

"Six months." Anna pushed at Henry's shoulder but released Michael to him when Henry took the boy in his hands. "He's doing well, so all the nurses tell me."

"He's yours, of course he's doing well." Henry cradled Michael carefully as he jerked his head in John's direction while still talking to Anna. "How are you handling being under this bruiser's care?"

"He's got about as soft a touch as you do." Anna smiled in John's direction and then swooped in to take Michael back when the boy kicked and experimented with the prelude to a cry. "So we're in good hands."

"Then I hope I'm here to make those hands all the better supported." Henry pointed to his car. "I've got the gear in there. It'll take a bit to set up but I think I could have something for you both to look at around lunch?"

"Look at?" Anna turned to John. "What's he on about?"

"Henry's going to help beef up security around here. Give us more eyes and better ears, as it were."

"Oh?" Anna pivoted back to Henry, bouncing Michael in her arms. "We're once again in your hands Mr. Talbot."

"And I do hope I prove as deft and capable as John here at managing a second round of expectations." Henry winked at Anna and went back to his car. "Best get on. There's a lot of ground to cover and not much time to cover it."

John showed Henry to the dining room and left him with a pile of cords, laptops, and other machinery John only had a passing knowledge of. As he returned to the corridor, leaving Henry with headphones on and an expression of intense focus, John saw Anna in the corridor. She nodded toward the dining room, "Henry all set up in there?"

"Bit like a traveling salesman with his immediately ready wares, yeah." John moved away from the door. "I didn't realize you two were as close as you were."

"You develop connections to people when your adrenaline is running high and they've saved your life." Anna tucked her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "I didn't realize the two of you had a falling out."

"It… I…" John jerked his thumb back in the direction of the dining room. "It was more what he represented than him, being honest, but I didn't handle it well and I blamed him for something that wasn't his fault."

"Was he the one who told you that your job…" Anna snapped her fingers and then wiggled them in the air, as if representing the disappearance of John's job.

"Yeah. He was the one they sent." John gestured around him. "But the severance check he had with him paid for all the remodels of the house and the estate so I guess I should've been a bit more grateful."

"Not sure I agree."

"No?"

Anna shook her head. "In the loosest terms possible, you whored yourself out for your country and then they pat you on the head with a check to send you on your way?" The derisiveness in her snort had John raising his eyebrows. "It's despicable. In my opinion, anyway."

"Mine too. And it's what I said to him." John sighed, "But Henry was the messenger and nothing more. It's not like he could've given me better."

"Maybe he should've fought harder for you."

"Maybe I should've fought harder for me." John shrugged, "But I've never been great at fighting for me."

"Outside physically, you mean?"

"Survival is different from satisfaction." John waved his hand in front of his prosthetic, as if putting it on display. "Getting this was about what I expected of myself but trying to get better than this would be beyond my instincts."

"Maybe you need to fight for yourself more." Anna shrugged, "Or maybe know what you want to fight for."

"I've not got answers to either of those these days." John pointed at Anna, "Outside of making sure you're safe."

"And that's all?"

"All? John frowned, moving closer to Anna in the corridor. "What else could there be to motivate me about keeping you safe?"

"I think that's something you'd have to answer for yourself." Anna straightened. "I know what I'd want you to fight for but that's none of my business."

John put a hand on Anna's arm, pausing her as she turned away from him. "I'd like to know what you think."

"You would?"

"I would." John withdrew his hand. "You weren't the only one who felt safe in present company during a difficult time."

"That's nice to hear." Anna gave John a little smile. "But, being honest, I'd want you to fight for you. To fight for what you want."

"I don't know what to want anymore. If I ever even did."

"Then I hope you find something to fight for." Anna nodded down the corridor toward the dining room, "If it's not an imposition, once Henry's all done making this place a cyber fortress, I'd like to see what the security system is."

"I'll make sure we get you when he's done."

It took a few hours, and gave John time to shower and make breakfast for he and Anna, but Henry finished shortly after noon. Emerging from the dining room, looking a little red-eyed but practically buzzing with energy, he beckoned them to follow him to the setup of snaking cords and overlapping computers. "This is easier than it looks to understand, promise."

"Just as long as you promise it's not staying on my table." John moved behind Henry as Anna took the other space, holding Michael on her hip.

"I'll integrate it once I show you what I've got here." Henry toggled the screen. "Alright, I've hacked into the security system your museum upstairs already uses and then pinged any of the dead spaces or blind spots in that system."

"No point in reinventing the wheel?" Anna suggested and Henry managed a quick nod in her direction before turning them back to his setup.

"So I've got motion sensors to install in these spots while I'll place cameras here, here, and here, as well as…"

He continued, taking them in detail through his intended increase in the security before uploading the relevant apps to both of their phones. As he handed John's back to him, Henry grew serious. "Now, you'll need to be vigilant with these. As boring as it may seem or as standard as you might think this is, any drop in the security will be to your detriment."

"How'd you mean?" Anna frowned and adjusted Michael to her other hip.

"I mean that any trigger on the sensors I place will send you an alert. One that needs one of you, doesn't matter who, to deactivate with their personalized code or else the police get called."

"Why do we have to use a code to deactivate it?" John held up his phone. "It's got a thumb pad reader so I don't have to do that."

"But the thumb pad can be used if you're…" Henry flicked a glance at Michael before continuing. "D-E-A-D. A code, short and sweet, will guarantee you're still alive and able to disengage the alert."

"If we're being held at gunpoint then…"

"Then you use another code. It'll disengage the sensor, like someone would want, but then sends an emergency alert to the police instead of a regular breach alert." Henry stood from his chair. "I know this seems extreme but it'll all be better this way."

"It'll put me at ease." John turned to Anna, "Unless you think it's overkill."

"I'm a mother, nothing's overkill to me." Anna nodded at Henry. "Do it."

"I'm on it." Henry paused as his stomach made a ghastly sound. "After I get something to eat."

"Kitchen's that way." John pointed and watched Henry bound off. "I'm amazed, frankly."

"About the system?"

"About him needing to eat. I thought he was a robot."

Anna snorted a laugh before checking Michael. "Well I wish this one were a bit more robotic about his schedules but he's asleep for now so I'm going to put him down and hope he'll take a few hours."

"Growing is hard." John trailed Anna to her room, "Or so I've heard."

"I've heard the same." Anna put Michael down and walked backward to the bedroom door to draw it almost all the way closed. She watched another moment before turning back to John. "Thank you."

"I've told you-"

"You put aside some considerably wounded pride and brought Henry here to keep this place safe for me. That's… That's not nothing, John."

"No, it's not." John took a breath, "Which is why I should thank you for giving me a reason to look past my wounded pride and try to salvage a friendship I would've been a fool to lose."

"Anything I can do." Anna smiled at John and he swallowed in the moment that passed between them.

"Could I…" John forced himself to swallow again. "I hope something else you can do is allow me to be honest."

"Of course."

"I'm not… I'm not good at this." John hauled in a breath, "But you weren't…"

Anna waited and John tried to steady his breathing to speak. "You weren't the only one who formed… A connection, because of our time together. And while it might be difficult, if you and Henry wanted, I could-"

"Wait," Anna held up a hand. "Me and Henry?"

"He knows about Michael and he'll keep you both safe. More to the point it wouldn't interfere with me protecting the two of you to have him here. And if you needed me to… Not… I mean not be so close, then I could-"

Anna put her hand over John's mouth. "What are you taking about?"

John took a breath, swallowed twice, and then spoke through Anna's fingers. "When you said connections are formed when adrenaline runs high, I understood why you and Henry have such a close relationship and I don't want to get in the way of that or what it means to the two of you."

Anna withdrew her hand, blinking at John, and her mouth fell open in time for her to shake her head slowly at him. "That's not… We're not…"

"Maybe not now but if you were then-"

"Henry's married to a friend of mine." John took his turn to gape as Anna nodded at his confusion. "He met her on one of his visits to me and they've been dating for the last five months."

"Then you're not…" John's hand waved behind him. "Then you weren't…"

"Henry and I are close, for a number of reasons, but it's entirely platonic."

"I…" John cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I've made this awkward and I-"

"John." Anna put her hand on his shirt and tugged it a little to stop him leaving. "I was talking about you and I."

"You and I?"

"Yes." Anna's fingers released slowly and John watched them flex toward her palm as she lowered her hand. "It's not just that I feel close to you. I… I feel connected to you."

"Connected to me?"

"Yes." Anna gave him a small smile. "It's almost fate that you and I were brought back together."

"Or coincidence."

"I don't believe in those." Anna swallowed, "I like you John. Even in the bush of India I liked you. Not just because you kept me safe or were unafraid of doing what was necessary to get the job done, but because you were good when all else would've driven you to be anything but."

"I'm not good, Anna."

"But you are." Anna reached out a hand and John almost flinched away when it landed on his cheek. "After all you've given, you can't think you're anything less than good."

"I've thought myself a lot less than good." John closed his eyes, "I don't… You… I don't deserve you."

"Maybe not. And maybe I don't deserve you either but, for this moment, can we not let us being here now be enough?" Anna's fingers stroked his cheek as they withdrew. "Can that not be enough?"

"I want that to be enough."

Anna smiled, "You want something?"

"I do." John nodded, "I want you, Anna."

He pressed forward, putting his lips on hers, but almost immediately broke the kiss. Swallowing hard, noting the shock on Anna's face, John fumbled over his words. "I'm sorry. That was… I'm… I shouldn't have. After what you've-"

"John." Anna gripped his hand, keeping him rooted in place. "It doesn't matter what I've been through."

"But it does."

"I'm not a victim and I don't want any pity about what I survived." Anna's fingers squeezed into his hand for a moment before relaxing. "That being said, I accept your apology on one condition."

"Anything."

"Kiss me again."

John blinked at her. "What?"

"Kiss me again." Anna repeated, "And don't hold back. If you do anything, don't hold back on me."

John obeyed. His hands moved to either side of Anna's face, holding her lips in place so he did not make the mistake of missing. In a second her back was against the wall and her fingers in his hair to keep his lips on hers as John adjusted to slant his mouth over hers.

The nip of her teeth on his lower lip encouraged him enough to trace her lips with his tongue before delving deeper. She moaned into him and one hand left his hair to rumple in his shirt so she could tug him closer. John moved to press against her and gave a groan in return for the way she sucked his lower lip. And when he put a hand to her waist-

A cry from the other room broke their kiss. Breathing hard they both listened, only the thudding of their hearts against their respective rib cages interrupting the silence, and then gave little groans as the cry echoed again. Anna's hand flattened against John's chest, pressing against the wrinkles she put in his shirt, and her forehead pressed just above it.

"Motherhood."

"It looks good on you." John stepped back, taking Anna's hand from his chest to kiss the back of it. "And it's your first priority."

"Yes, it is." Anna curled her fingers in his grip and tugged him close to her again so she could kiss him. "But you're a priority too."

"I'm nothing." John tried to smile, "And I'm sure you could go to sleep right now and dream of a better man."

"I could never." Anna shook her head slowly, studying John's face. "Because there aren't any. Never will be."

"That's not-"

"John Bates," Anna squeezed his hand. "There's no man, in my opinion, better than you on this whole earth."

"If you say so."

"I do." Anna released his hands and stepped back into her room. "And mothers are never wrong you know."

"I don't think that's true."

"It's true."

"Then I won't argue."

"Good." Anna's hand stayed on the door. "Will you be there, when I'm finished in here or…"

"I'll be here as long as you want me to be." John nodded at her, "I'm at your command, Ms. Smith."

"Those are dangerous words."

"I feel like they're safe with you."

"Always." Anna shut the door and John leaned back against the wall.

"Always."