Saturday, February 7, 2015

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Jacob's phone vibrated beside his head.

Again. And Again. He refused to open his eyes. Whatever time it was, Billy was up and talking, but Rachel was… not. His nostrils flared around a deep, seeking breath and he came up empty. She wasn't here. The television was on in the living room. Washington Wizards vs the Nets. Jacob was surprised Charlie wasn't over. He listened more closely. That's who Billy was talking to. Charlie's voice was only slightly muffled through the receiver of Billy's cell.

His phone buzzed again and he grabbed it, lifted himself up onto an elbow. Bella. He swiped the screen to unlock it and opened the message… messages.

Jake please talk to me

Jacob where have u been?

I need to know ur ok

Call me

Text me

I'm going to come over there

Jacob stared at the long line of text bubbles and shook his head. He still wasn't sure what to do about her. Wasn't even sure how he felt about her. Their friendship had never been especially deep. Mostly casual, surface-level conversations and interactions made through their fathers' friendship. They'd been around each other a lot when they were younger, but then she'd moved to Phoenix and things changed. They grew up separately and became different people with different values and interests. Her involvement with the Cullens was just… almost unbelievable, honestly. Jacob could recognize that he didn't really know her anymore – not well enough to determine if her actions were consistent or unusual for her.

He just had a hard time believing she'd bring that shit around Charlie. Her dad. A man that would put himself between her and danger without thought. What if Charlie had heard something he didn't like and confronted Edward? Was the leech's control good enough to get through it without snapping? What if he'd decided he didn't want to deal with Bella's family and just… killed him? How had she overlooked all of this?

Jacob blinked and inhaled, angled himself so he could see the window. Leah's scent wasn't blanketed in body sprays and perfumes and hair products, but he recognized the lotion she'd always used. Sue made batches of it at home, and they flavored each glass container however they chose; Leah preferred coconut, while her mother had experimented for a while before settling on a mixture of vanilla and anise. He checked the time on his phone: 8:15 p.m. He'd been asleep for almost four hours.

The window scraped against its metal tract and the top of Leah's head popped through. She glanced around, saw that he was awake, and hauled herself the rest of the way in, flopping down on his tiny ass twin bed with an awkward bounce. He rolled onto his side, scooted against the wall, and grunted as she climbed over him to the small sliver of space between his chest and the edge.

"Where's your blanket?" she whispered, pressing herself against his front and sliding her legs against his. "It's freezing in here."

Jacob snorted. "No, it's freezing out there. If you'd wear some damn clothes –"

" – shut up, Black. Covers. Now."

He pulled his comforter from the crack between the mattress and wall where he'd stuffed it after he realized it never got cold enough in the house to bother him. He threw it over her pathetic tank top and short ensemble. "Are you barefoot?" She shoved her toes between his shins and he hissed. "What the hell, Leah? You're gonna get sick or –"

" – okay, daddy – "

" – don't fucking call me that."

Leah laughed and slid her hands under his side, tucked her face up under his chin. "Then stop nagging me." They were quiet as his heat, and the accumulated heat beneath the blanket, slowly worked into her skin. Finally, she said, "You don't seem to be bothered by it. Why is that?"

"I'm inside."

"You're in a thin pair of gym shorts in a house with one working heater in the living room. Don't bullshit me."

Her pulse jumped a little when he moved his arm, readjusted it over her hip. He frowned. "Is this okay?" It'd always been okay before. They'd been wallowing together in beds and on couches and recliners their whole lives. It occurred to him, suddenly, that he'd never thought about her reaction to him. They were just… them. Natural. Easy.

"Huh?" Leah squirmed a little. "No, yeah, it's fine. Why wouldn't it be?"

Now it felt awkward. He stared at the wall across the room and willed himself not to listen. Not to notice. But he did. Her palm was pressed flat against his stomach and her fingers twitched a little, her pulse still irregular and slightly elevated. Her breath was ghosting over his neck and collar bone and now his heart was beating a little faster. Why? What the hell was happening?

"You lied to me the other day," she said quietly, effectively distracting him.

"I didn't lie, Leah, I –"

" – You told me you'd explain. And then you fucking left. Didn't even say goodbye. I don't hear from you for the rest of the week, and I show up and you're in bed. Before nine on a Saturday. What do you call that?"

Lying, Jacob groused to himself. A whole week full of lies both by omission and outright. Quil had predictably approached him at school demanding to know what the fuck was happening. Jacob hated this. Hated feeling out of place in his own community, singled out, stared at, and talked about. The lying was just too much. He'd told Quil he didn't want to know, and he'd meant it, because now that Jacob knew what to look for, he could see the changes in his old friend, too. He'd be joining them soon. Fucking Cullens and – no. No, he wasn't going there. Not now, when a very human Leah was practically laying on top of him.

"I'm sorry," he admitted. "I wasn't planning on leaving. Sam showed up and –"

" – and that's another thing." She lifted her head and pushed up so she could look at his face. "What the hell are you doing hanging around Sam? You don't even like him. You've never liked him."

" I – "

Looking her in the face was a different ballgame. It was one thing to dip out on her, sink into the new business of his schedule and pretend that she wasn't there in the back of his mind, ever trusting of his word and expecting him to eventually come and explain himself. That guilt was heavy, but in the background. This was different. He couldn't do it. The wolf in his chest was restless. Sam was the only thing standing between him and erasing the confusion and anxious frustration swimming in her light brown eyes. Jacob knew this was going to end badly. He knew that the moment Sam realized he'd defied a direct order and blabbed their secret to Leah, of all people, their already contentious existence together would be sent spiraling onto a path of no return. Sam's trust in Jacob's willingness to do as he was told would be gone.

"Jake," she began, brows furrowed. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me. I won't say anything."

He considered it. Considered her. "I'm gonna need that in writing."

"Want me to get a notary public, too?" She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, if you need my silence, you've got it. But I can't stand being in the dark anymore."

Leah pulled one of her arms from between them and stretched it upward, bent her elbow to rest her head on her hand. They were level now.

She continued, "It's not just you, y'know? My parents. Sam. Hell, even Billy and Rachel. I saw Embry the other day, crossing the road from that patch of forest between La Push and Sol Duc. Shirtless, in the rain. I waved and he just stared at me like I'd grown four heads or something and took off. I know this has something to do with him. With them. Paul, too, no matter how 'normal' Rachel says he is." Her hand was still pressed to his stomach, and he felt her pulse spasm against his skin as she moved her palm along the hard, ridged outline of muscle. "And now... this doesn't happen overnight, Jacob. Not – not normally. Not to normal people."

Her hand left his stomach for his face, fingers tracing the outline of his jaw. "You look so… different. Like, you, but not. Older, I guess. Something."

Jacob swallowed and her eyes followed the movement. She knew his tells. More specifically, she knew when he was uncomfortable. Jacob had a good poker face, but Leah had always been able to see through it. It had never been lost on him that their connection, how in-tune they were with one another, was rare. He didn't have it with anyone else, even his best friends. There was just something about Leah that… clicked. When they spent a lot of time together, they didn't even need words. Could communicate with glances and gestures and be just as effective as a full conversation. Sam hadn't liked it. Maybe that's where this whole rivalry began. Jacob, for reasons he hadn't examined too closely, had always seen Sam as a step down for Leah. Someone that didn't appreciate or recognize how lucky he was. Likewise, Sam had been irrationally jealous of Leah's friendship with Jacob. That she'd call him, instead of Sam, for certain things. That she seemed able to tell Jacob everything, while what Sam got was cherry-picked beforehand.

Leah frowned and traced the worry lines on Jacob's forehead. "Please talk to me. This is all starting to freak me out."

"It'll probably be worse knowing," he finally said, voice instinctively low. "You can't say anything. Not to your parents, or Sam. I don't want Rachel getting pulled into this, so her either. This stays between you and me."

She nodded resolutely. "Of course."

"Bear with me. This is gonna sound crazy."

Jacob told her everything. Every sordid detail from Bella coming back to Forks, Charlie calling Billy worried, Bella's relationship with Edward, and him leaving. Bella coming to Jacob to fix the bikes and then everything after. The movies, him phasing. Every moment leading up to this one. Leah didn't interrupt or make any dramatic noises, but her heart had ratcheted up a few beats and, by the time he was finished, her eyes were unfocused, her breathing irregular. Jacob glanced at the clock on his bedside table. He'd talked for nearly an hour.

"So," she said, breaking the silence that came once he'd burned out. "All the stories are true. Our parents… did they know before? Did they know it was all real?"

Jacob lifted his free shoulder. "No clue. Honestly, I've kind of been riding on cruise control. Billy tried to talk to me about all of it but… I don't know. With Sam and school and then patrols, I just -" He shrugged again. "I just don't care. It doesn't make a difference now, and I don't want Billy feeling like I blame him for any of it."

"He could have warned you, Jacob. If there are signs, if they know what to look for – I mean, you know what to look for now. You said you think Quil is next. Can you imagine what would have happened if you hadn't left the movie theater? If you'd burst into a fucking… a giant fucking wolf in front of Bella and that guy and – and everyone else? You'd be in a fucking lab in Washington D.C. right now."

She was right, and they both knew it. "I know, I just –"

" – You just can't stop yourself from defending Billy because you feel responsible for him. That's the truth. You'll make any excuse you can for him, for Rachel, because they're your family and you love them and want to protect them." Leah smiled softly. "One of the many reasons I love you. But still, this was dangerous, and family or not, Billy should have said something."

Maybe it was the wolf. The fear and stress of the last week. Jacob glanced down at their closeness and replayed their conversations, their mannerisms with each other, over in his head, and tried to imagine it from Sam's eyes. They'd always been touchy with each other. Tossed I love you out with a casualness that took some people years to establish. Jacob felt a trickle of sheepishness slide down his spine. Maybe Sam hadn't been so irrational, after all.

"I probably wouldn't have believed him."

Leah snorted. "Probably not."

She retucked her arm between them and slid her head back under his chin, her cheek smooshed against his chest. He listened to her heart slow down, her breathing even out. Felt her lashes flutter against his skin when she blinked. Her hand slid back over his stomach and then over his side until her palm pressed flat against his lower back and she was squeezing, pressing them both into a hug. Jacob sighed and shifted them so that he was holding her more fully, both arms wrapped around her, her head resting on his arm.

"Sorry you asked?" he wondered aloud.

"No. Yes. I don't know." He felt her face scrunch. "How could they lie to me? All of them. Sam? Fuck him. He made his choice, imprint or not. But Emily and – and my parents? They lied to my fucking face. Over and over and over again. They knew I was hurting and just… let me."

"You think knowing the truth would have helped?"

"I think I deserved the truth. I think, at the end of the day, I'm their family and they should have had the decency to give me all the facts and let me decide what to do with it. It's not like I would have told anyone. I'd never do anything to endanger my family or this tribe and they know that. "

Jacob felt a stab of guilt. He'd lied, too. Was still lying to Quil and his other friends. One thing at a time. "I'm sorry, Leah."

"You?" She snorted. "You're the one that blabbed. What do you have to be sorry for?"

He swallowed and took a deep breath; the flyaway hairs sticking out around her hairline had come untucked from the twin braids snaking from the top of her head, down over his arm, and to her hip. They tickled his nose. Had she always smelled this good? Like… coconut, yeah, but also like rain and bluebells blooming in early summer. Jacob blinked. Everyone had a particular scent that marked them; Rachel, to him, smelled sweet. Like cupcakes and the fruity products she used. She also smelled a little like Paul, a little like their family; earthy, with a hint of spiciness. It was familiar and calming… but not like this. He inhaled again and closed his eyes. Leah kind of smelled like his family, too, under her particular flavor and then the Clearwater's bracing, sea-fresh scent. That was… oddly satisfying.

"Earth to Jacob," Leah groused, and he could hear her smile. "Where are you?"

"I'm here."

She reached up and tugged on a tuft of his recently hacked hair. Rachel had taken care of it for him a few days after he phased. Being out in the woods, changing back and forth between man and wolf, was too much when he had so little time. He'd always taken good care of his hair; had kept it brushed and neat. He just didn't have the energy to deal with it anymore.

"Sam make you do this?" she asked, already teetering on the edge of being outraged for him.

"Nah. It's just easier." Jacob tugged the end of one of her braids, lifted it and brought the pointy tip up to her nose. Tickled it. She was tugging at his hand, snorting and laughing in weak protest, when he said, "Maybe we should cut all yours off, too. Y'know, in solidarity."

"Fuck your solidarity."

Jacob barked out a laugh and was just about to let her win her braid back when he heard a vehicle pull into the drive. "Do your parents know you're here?" he asked quietly. Before she answered, he tilted his head, listened more closely. The engine cut off.

"Yeah, they know. Why?" Leah was watching his face intently. He could feel her eyes studying the curves of his cheeks, the bridge of his nose. "Is someone here?"

Footsteps on the gravel. Slow. Awkward. "Shit," he mumbled, and sat up. "I think it's Bella."

"What? How do you know?" She blinked at him. "Can you hear her?"

Jacob grunted. "Told you, wolf senses."

A knock. Billy huffed and Jacob heard his wheelchair squeak a little as it rounded the couch, and then the rattle of the knob and subsequent squeal of the hinges as he pulled the door open. "Bella," Billy drawled. "Good to see you."

"You too." She sounded nervous. Uncertain. But also determined. "Is he here?"

"Uhhh, well, y'know, I think he's asleep. Maybe I can have him call you later?"

"He's not returning my calls. Or my texts. It's been almost a week and nothing."

Billy cleared his throat. "Mono can be pretty nasty. He's still not fully recovered. Give him some time, I'm sure he'll get back to you as soon as he's feeling better."

There was a brief pause. Another car's tires crept along the driveway in the background. Jacob watched the headlights flash in and out of his window.

"Is she leaving?" Leah whispered.

More footsteps. Two sets, he thought.

Jacob shook his head just as Bella said, "Would it be okay if I just… popped in? I won't bother him if he's asleep. I just want to see him. Make sure he's alright."

"What, because we're incapable of taking care of him?" Rachel. Bless her. "He's sick, Bella. Give it a rest. Dad and I have done a damn fine job looking out for him up to this point. I think we'll manage a case of mono." Rachel's keys hit the table and Jacob could practically feel Billy's disapproval. "He'll call you when he's ready."

Bella didn't respond, but he heard her quiet, "Bye, Billy," as her feet hurried back across the gravel to her truck.

The front door slammed. "You didn't have to snap at her, Rach."

"She'll be fine. And even if she won't be, it's not Jacob's job to pick up the pieces after every crisis in her life."

Jacob let out a breath and fell back onto the bed, taking Leah with him. They were both watching the door and could hear Rachel thumping around in her room. Leah whispered, "Rach got rid of her?"

"None too subtly."

Leah snorted. Jacob heard Paul's heavy footsteps, his scent leaking through the cracks of the door, and pinched Leah's side. She glanced up at him and he put a finger over his mouth. But it was too late. His bedroom door flew open and Paul was there, brows raised.

"What the fuck?" he drawled, sauntering into the room. "Am I interrupting?"

"Do you care?" Leah batted his hand away when he reached for the comforter. Both of them were mostly clothed, but it was the principle.

"I do not, no."

Rachel joined them and flopped down half on top of Leah, half on top of Jacob. "What're you two doing?"

"Well, we were having a peaceful conversation." Jacob grunted when Paul climbed over the girls and sat on his hip, back against the wall. "You're crushing me."

"No I'm not."

Rachel elbowed Jacob's leg. "You just missed Bella. She wanted to come 'check on you'."

"Oh yeah." Leah angled her head to look at him. "What're you gonna do about the kiss?"

Paul blanched, made a disgusted, smacking noise with his mouth. "Kiss? She kissed you?"

Jacob ignored Paul's outburst in lieu of listening a little more closely to Leah's pulse. Her expression said very little, but he saw the genuine curiosity pulling at the corners of her mouth. Little twitches, here and there, waiting for him to respond. "I'm not sure. She kind of blindsided me. I mean, there were some mildly flirtatious moments, and then there was the sort of beautiful comment –"

" – sort of beautiful?" Rachel repeated, looking at him upside down. "What the fuck does sort of beautiful mean?"

Leah nodded. "Right. I mean, you either are or you aren't."

"Does she mean, like, sort of beautiful considering? Like there's something wrong with you?" Rachel sat up. "Tha fuck does she get the nerve?"

"It doesn't really sound like a compliment, does it?" Paul considered, staring at the ceiling.

Leah's nose wrinkled. "No, it doesn't."

"Well, that's just… how dare she, right? She would be blessed to have my brother. He has girls chasing him all over this damn rez. He's good-looking, isn't he, Paul?"

Jacob batted his eyes as Paul took stock, tilting his head back and forth, deliberating. "He's filled out especially well in recent weeks." He sighed. "Kind of dreamy, honestly. What do you think, Clearwater?"

Leah snorted, studied him with mock seriousness that shifted into something more honest when she said, "Definitely. Bella's an idiot."

"Majority rules," Rachel declared. "But seriously, Jake, just bail. Stop answering her phone calls. Don't text her back. She's shifted her co-dependence for Cullen onto you and now she's gonna use you as her next excuse to mope and whine until you swoop back in to save her. Let it go."

Leah hummed her agreement. "For sure. This whole thing with Edward is a deal-breaker. The pining and the checking out. I mean, Sam left me for my cousin. No warning. No explanation. You don't see me crying myself to sleep at night."

Jacob slanted a look at her. Rachel and Paul were both suddenly very quiet. Leah smirked at him, and he shook his head. Should've known she'd use this to mess with them.

"So you're over him?" Paul asked unexpectedly.

A quiet moment passed. Jacob watched a series of emotions pass over Leah's face, her pulse moving up and down and all over the place. He imagined that was answer enough. But then she said, "I wouldn't take him back if that's what you mean. Doesn't erase the hurt. We were together for three years." A wicked look crossed her face. "I just wish I understood why, y'know? It's the lying and sneaking that really gets me."

Rachel swallowed thickly and Paul shot Jacob a loaded look. This was going nowhere fast. Jacob bucked his legs, sending both Rachel and Paul tumbling over each other and off the bed. He rolled, threw an arm and leg over Leah. She grunted but didn't protest. Jacob said, "Paul? Rachel?" He got varying replies as they picked themselves up off the floor. "Get out of my room."

Paul harrumphed. "Well. Fine, then."

Rachel shut the door behind them.

Silence was no longer really quiet for him. Even as he and Leah lay without speaking, he could hear every sound from the television Billy was still watching, and the quiet conversation between Rachel and Paul in her room that was slowly becoming something else. As soon as they started kissing, Jacob stuffed his head between Leah's shoulder and the mattress.

"I meant what I said," she told him, so quietly he actually had to strain to make it out. "About Sam. I wouldn't take him back now. Even if he explained everything and somehow found a way around the imprint. Whatever we had, it's gone."

Jacob readjusted so his head was on her shoulder. "Good."

"Good?" She turned and was nose to nose with him. "Because you never liked him."

Her pulse jumped again, and he felt her breath shiver slightly when it left her lungs. They'd done this a thousand times. Maybe more. They'd slept in the same bed, in the same sleeping bag, in the backseat of Harry's truck, on the ground by the fire. She'd once fallen asleep in his lap and he'd spent the night cramped into a shaky lawn chair while everyone else snored on their mats and in their tents. He tried to remind himself of that. Their unloaded, uncomplicated friendship. Was it the wolf? he wondered. Making him hyperaware of her and her reactions? Her scent. The soft pout of her mouth.

Jacob blinked. Hard. "Because it should have been him telling you all this."

"Yeah," she agreed softly.

The door snapped open again and Jacob's head jerked to the sound. "Dad, what the hell?"

"I made mozzarella sticks and cheese fries. We're moving into overtime and I need some moral support."

Leah laughed and Jacob let her up, hung back for a minute as she chased after Billy and the promise of snacks. Paul appeared and angled his body so that his back was to the living room, adjusted himself inside his shorts.

Jacob balked and raised his hands. "What the hell, man?"

"You want me to fix it in there with your dad?"

"I don't know Paul. Bathroom? Rachel's room? Any fucking room in the house that isn't here?"

He smiled, all teeth. "Thanks, bud."

As he heard everyone gathering around the TV, Leah's laugh ringing out as Billy

animatedly explained how they'd screwed up and landed in overtime, Jacob tried to imagine tomorrow. Bella calling him and wanting to… what, he wasn't sure. Keep using him to fill whatever holes Edward left in her? Occupy her as she held out hope that her true love would one day return? The whole thing chafed now that he could see it more clearly. He didn't think his feelings matched Bella's in any sense, but he'd tried to be a good friend. She'd lied to him, much like everyone had lied to Leah, over and over.

He tried to imagine school, and graduation, and moving on from high school with this vampire/wolf thing hanging over his head. It had already messed so many things up. Had done so much damage. He tried to imagine what this meant for his life and couldn't.

From the other room, Paul yelled, "Jacob, haul ass, they're eating all the good stuff."

He stood and moved into the living room and stopped trying to imagine. Here and now was looking alright, and that would just have to do for now.