A/N: We're getting there. Slowly, but surely.
A brief reminder that this is rated for language, violence, and eventual sexual situations.
Friday, February 13, 2015
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After almost two weeks, Jacob's body felt as if it were finally settling.
The residual aches, pains, and restlessness had faded into semi-normalcy, though 'normal' registered differently today than it had a month before. Being comfortable in his own skin meant being comfortable with the beast that shared it. He was still working on that. The heightened senses were becoming more manageable. If he focused hard enough, he could block out things that he didn't want to hear; could ignore certain smells in place of other, less invasive ones. His emotions and temper were another matter. Feeling so strongly put him on edge; it made him question and notice things he wouldn't have otherwise. It made social interaction more complicated. As if it wasn't hard enough already.
Now, he could hear the changes in breathing; the difference in pulse from one end of the conversation to the next; he could smell the accumulation of sweat gathering in clenched palms or see it along their upper lips. There were flavors to human reactions. The sweet tang of anxiety that soured into fear. The sharp musk of anger and jealousy. The watery freshness of tears and sadness. One might think this information would help in dealing with others. Jacob only found that it confused him more. Whereas past conversations were limited to what he could see on the surface and the other person's words, he now had access to another layer – layers – that he shouldn't. It was an unfair advantage. The struggle to understand it all felt like punishment for invading that privacy.
Rain stabbed the roof and thunder rolled in pounding waves outside the bathroom window. There was a slow drip, drip, drip in his room, in the kitchen, in Billy's room; leaks they couldn't afford to fix. The wind snatched thick sheets of rain and whipped them into the sides of the house and the windows, creating a chorus of inconsistent tapping, wailing, and low whistles. It was nasty out there. Jacob was due for patrol at seven and, with the way Sam had patrols set up, would be running them all night and into the morning. He should be asleep right now.
"Jacob, hurry up. Everyone'll be here soon."
"Yeah," he called out, listening to Rachel's retreating footsteps. She was already long gone when he said, "I'm coming."
Leaning over the sink, hands gripping the porcelain edges tightly, Jacob stared at his reflection in the worn medicine cabinet and tried to concentrate. He'd seen his body in clips of the others' minds; had pieced it all together to get a general idea of what his wolf form looked like. He'd never seen his eyes, though. He could picture Paul's liquid silver and Sam's bright, piercing blue; Jared's copper-bronze and Embry's deep brown that didn't differ greatly from his human gaze. In all of their thoughts and memories, though, they never showed Jacob his. It occurred to him later that they never actually looked him in the eye. Aside from Sam, who he rarely phased with, their attention was always conveniently trained elsewhere.
Jacob had begun to recognize what it felt like when his wolf was pushing toward the surface. He envisioned a dark fog slowly slipping in and out of his bones, snaking its way through his muscles and into his organs, ghosting over his mind, pressing at the edges, always watching. It was the awareness of that fog, though, that made it a little terrifying. As if in those moments of slipping, snaking, and ghosting, it was testing for weaknesses in Jacob's consciousness, waiting patiently for him to lose the control he held so tightly and… what, he didn't know. Take over? He didn't like to think about it.
He stared at his irises and willed the beast forward. He wanted to see it; to know what it looked like to everyone else when he started losing his temper. Did it compare to Sam's, who seemed to freeze the wolves to their spot with a simple glare? Was it more like Embry's: warm and compassionate and pliant? Jacob blinked and his fingers flexed on the sink. He could feel the wolf in his chest. Could feel the weight of it moving outward, into his limbs. Let me see you, he thought firmly. Could it hear him? Was communication even possible? He didn't know. Didn't care. This was his body. His life. Let me see you, he demanded again, and the words reverberated in the back of his skull. Whatever the hell it was – a spirit, a demon, a monster – it was going to listen to him. He'd never had control over much in his life, but he would control this.
Let me see you.
Slowly, the soft brown of his irises gave way to startling, illuminant amber; the outside and inside edges rimmed gold. He stared, wide-eyed. No. Not the same as Sam. Not the same as any of them. The awareness he felt within that dark cloud was reflected in this unnatural combination of colors. Swimming. Watching.
The door opened inward and hit his shoulder. "Shit," he hissed, and reflexively moved out of the way.
"What are you doing?"
Leah. He hadn't heard her come in. Hadn't heard anything, actually. "I, uh -"
"Holy shit."
Jacob turned back to the mirror and they both studied his eyes.
"That's… fucking wild, Jacob."
His nostrils flared around the intense addition of her scent. The bathroom smelled like shower water – similar to faucet water in that it faintly carried the metal tang of the pipes used to pump it – and the awful, horrible shampoo Jacob had been forced to use. Rachel bought him some 'scentless' products and they'd been anything but. It was so bad he'd used Billy's knockoff Head and Shoulders and now his nose was still stinging from the menthol-ish, medicinal scent. Leah was a breath of fresh air.
She studied him in the mirror; his wet hair sticking up at all angles, the sheen of water still coating the skin of his torso, the faint stubble clinging to his jaw and cheeks. He hadn't had time to shave. He'd just pulled on his jeans before deciding to mess with the wolf. As her gaze returned to his, he realized that he desperately wanted to know what she was thinking. What she thought of this whole thing, yes, but also what she thought of him now. Was she afraid of him? Did she see him differently, knowing what being a wolf meant?
Leah had been texting him far more frequently than she used to. Even before Sam, they only really talked in person. All week, though, she'd called him in the evening before he left the house, and sent texts to ask random questions at two in the morning, when she knew he'd be getting home from patrol. He'd told her everything. Every weird, inconvenient, shitty thing that had changed once he phased. She hadn't commented much. Just asked and listened and asked some more. Watching her stare at him now, hearing her pulse skitter and flit irregularly, he hoped that wasn't a mistake.
"Did something happen?" she asked quietly, wary of the thin walls.
"Nah, I was just - " He glanced back at his irises, at the wolf staring back at him. "Just trying something. I wanted to see if I could call it up without phasing."
Leah raised a brow. "And you decided to do this in the bathroom?"
"Don't have a mirror in my room. I didn't know what color my eyes were when," he looked back at her, "it is close to the surface."
"Reminds me of a tiger's eye." She tugged on his arm until he turned to face her. It was kind of funny when he was standing. Leah was barely 5'5". Last Jacob measured, he was over 6'7". Leah studied his irises carefully. "More gold, though, around the edges. And there's some flecks here and there." She ran a nail over the stubble on his jaw. "It's pretty."
Jacob snorted. "Pretty? It's a monster."
"No, it's -" She tilted her head, searching for the right word. "It's a guardian. A protector." Her shoulder lifted subtly. "And even if it was, not all monsters are ugly."
He was very suddenly and acutely aware of how close they were. It was February, and the weather, predictably wet, was also consistently cold. Low thirties; twenties and teens overnight. Leah was appropriately dressed in a soft coral sweater and jeans. Her hair was down and customarily wavy, though damp and on the verge of full curls, the ends hovering near her hip. Their platonic relationship hadn't kept him from recognizing how beautiful she was in the past. That realization hit differently today, though.
Jacob didn't know what to make of his new fascination with her. He'd always been drawn to her. They'd always had a strong connection. But this was… something else. He'd never checked his phone at random intervals to see if she'd texted. Hadn't thought much about when she'd come over, or if he was going to see her tomorrow, or the next day. These were things that just happened. There was something calming about her presence, though. Steady. When everything else was messy and confusing, it was nice to be around someone that made him feel at ease. His dad and Rachel were involved in different ways; imprinting, the Council. They talked about the pack and the wolves constantly; about Jacob's issues with Sam; about troubles keeping it from the community. They talked and talked, but never offered any solutions.
Jacob had turned down Alpha, but his family apparently didn't get that memo.
They wanted him to fix things. Dumped all this shifter business at his feet and expected him to have the answers, or to find them. He loved his family unconditionally, but they sometimes stressed him out more than they helped him. Jacob and his sisters had grown up fast after his mom died. He'd felt like a teenager when he was a child, and closer to an adult during his teens. Rebecca had been the leader, though, out of the dynamic between his sisters. She'd been the one taking control and trying to figure things out; had handled the bills when Billy slipped into a depression, disgusted over his perceived inability to care for his family. She'd planned the meals, dealt with Billy's medications, made sure everyone had clean clothes, and that homework was done. It had hurt when she'd left, but Jacob could understand why she'd done it.
The pressure, sometimes, was just too much. He knew because everything she was carrying had fallen on him when she'd left. Rachel was a good person. A caring, doting person that would give up her last dollar to help someone. But she didn't handle stress well.
"You okay?" Leah asked.
"Yeah." He cleared his throat and disengaged from her; turned around to find his shirt. "I'm good." It was still partially folded despite having fallen between the toilet and the sink. He picked it up and shook it out.
"Really? 'Cos you seem like something's on your mind."
Jacob snorted. "I have a lot on my mind." He pulled his shirt on and scowled. It was long enough, but still too tight around his shoulders and chest. "My clothes don't fit," he gave in example, pointing at the material stretched over his torso. "Then there's this, of course." He indicated his eyes, which still hadn't faded back to their normal color. As if working in tandem with his mind, Jacob's phone, balanced precariously beside the sink faucet, vibrated. He knew without looking it would be Bella. It was always Bella. "And that."
Leah picked up his phone, pressed the home button and, when the touch id failed, put in his password. She guffawed when she pulled up Bella's conversation. "Gah damn, Jake. Are we missing something here?"
Jacob gave her a dry look and turned back to the medicine cabinet in search of his deodorant. He should have put it on before his shirt. It was black, ridiculously tight, and he was certain he'd have white streaks somewhere before this was over with.
"Seriously," Leah continued. "She's texting you constantly." Her finger scrolled up and up and up, eyes tracking the varying but similar requests for him to answer. "And you even answered her a few times!" Leah's eyes lifted from the screen and narrowed on him. "Did you sleep with her?"
He balked. Laughed. "What?"
"She's obsessing. I know she has a track record with Edward, but who knows what that," she glanced out into the hall and lowered her voice, "vampire creep did to her. So either you told her you loved her, slept with her, both, or she's losing it."
Jacob shook his head and replaced the deodorant. He shut the medicine cabinet carefully. "I did not tell her I loved her. I've known her for a long time. She was my friend, we reconnected, rebuilt the bikes, and got closer, I guess. But that was it. There were a few times when I thought maybe she was, y'know, leaning in another direction. The sort of beautiful thing that I now feel slightly insulted by." Leah snorted. Jacob shot her a look and continued, "But there were other things. She'd, like, link her arm in mine when we walked. But you and I have always done that – hell, Kim's even done that with me. And then I guess she hinted at it a few times. Certain things she said. I don't know. Maybe I was too passive. I didn't contribute but I never acknowledged it, either."
"Maybe you should. Just tell her outright that you don't have those feelings for her."
"Maybe." Jacob moved a little closer to her, intending to usher them out of the bathroom. Their combined scents were starting to get to his head. Leah didn't move. "Look what happened when Edward told her outright."
Leah's lip curled. "Edward took her out in the middle of the woods, dumped her, and then left her there. I'll admit she took the whole thing a little far getting lost and just… laying down on the ground? I don't know. But it was still a dick move. I think the phone will suffice. Or, hell, go to her house. Make sure Charlie is there. Just let the girl know what's going on so she'll stop… this." She held up the phone just as another text came through. "Let her move on."
"Yeah, fine."
Still, Leah didn't move. Her lips quirked. "So you didn't sleep with her?"
"No, I did not sleep with her."
"You sure?"
"I mean, I think I'd remember."
Leah's smile widened. "Okay."
Jacob reached out and put a hand on her hip, put a little pressure to ease her to the side so he could get by. Her sweater was cold. He pulled away and rubbed his fingers together. Wet. "You wanna throw that in the dryer? I can give you a tee-shirt."
Jacob glanced at himself in the mirror one more time. His eyes were back to normal.
Leah nodded and followed him down the hall to his room. It was kind of a mess. Piles of clothes – dirty or clean, he wasn't sure – strewn haphazardly all over the floor. He was neater than this. Had been cleaning the house by himself and with the irregular help of his sisters for years. He was just so tired.
"Sorry," he grumbled, and kicked a particularly thick collection of shorts out of his way. "Haven't had time to… do anything, I guess."
Jacob opened his closet door and picked a rarely worn black long sleeve. "Here." He handed it back to her and tried to work his closet shut; the damn jamb was swelling again. All the moisture from the rain, poorly sealed windows, and the leaks in the roof. Leah took the shirt and, for a moment, he was consumed with his irritation for the door.
That didn't last long.
He tried to reiterate to himself that he'd known this girl his whole life. They'd seen each other at their most awkward. He'd watched her throw up after getting too hot on a camping trip and she'd seen him doubled over with shit cramps when he'd eaten all that chili at the Quileute Days celebration. Jacob thought she'd even laughed. That whole day was a blur, though, until he'd finally made it to the bathroom. Embarrassing, cringey shit he only relived in the privacy of his own mind, in the middle of the night. Usually when he needed to be asleep. The point was, it shouldn't have thrown him so hard when she pulled her sweater off. He caught the movement in his peripherals, and it stopped him dead.
Leah was an athlete; she'd been playing softball and soccer her whole life, and was in gymnastics and dance when she was younger. That she was in good shape – that she was strong – didn't diminish her appeal. Her body was lithe and generously curved in spite of that athleticism, perhaps even because of it. Jacob averted his gaze and refocused on the door. Tried to forget the thin straps of her white bra that popped against tan skin, the frayed waistline of her jeans hovering just above her belly button.
This was getting ridiculous.
"Ready to eat?" Leah asked.
Jacob turned as she was pulling her hair from the collar of his shirt, spreading it over her shoulders like a blanket. A gust of her scent, now mixed with his, hit his nostrils. He swallowed thickly and waved her to the door. "Yep. Let's go."
Leah's brows furrowed as she studied him. "You okay?"
"How many times are you gonna ask me that?"
"Until I feel like I've gotten a straight answer."
Was he supposed to tell her that, on top of everything else, his perception of her was changing? That he was noticing her in ways that felt inappropriate for a friend? It sounded messed up even in his head. There were a lot of things he could put out in the open for the people he cared about. Personal things he shared with them because he loved them and knew they loved and worried about him. This was not one of those things. He was – had always been – a friend to her. Rachel and Rebecca's little brother. Jacob would chew his tongue off before admitting to this. Whatever this was.
"Come eat!" Billy shouted, and Jacob instinctively covered his ears. It was too late, though. They were ringing with echoes of his father's voice.
He needed to pay better attention.
Jacob pulled open his door and waved Leah ahead of him. "After you."
Her expression was dry. A little cold. She'd seen something and wanted to know what it was - this nothing that was bothering him. Leah was stubborn. Insistent. She was loyal, sometimes to a fault, and would tear down the world if she thought someone she loved was hurting. They had that in common, the two of them. He understood and admired it. Unfortunately for her, it also meant he had an extraordinary amount of tolerance and patience for these little interrogation techniques. He smiled at her sour face as she passed.
The house smelled like tomato sauce and various Italian spices, some sausage and ground beef, a bit of parmesan mixed in there. There was an underlying doughiness; the pasta, he assumed. "Spaghetti," Jacob decided, drawing Leah's eyes over her shoulder.
"Billy's specialty." Her tone was lighter than her expression. She wasn't really mad at him. "Yum."
Sue hugged him as they entered the kitchen. She was still in her scrubs from work and his nose wrinkled around the stale tang of antiseptic and various disinfectants. Her hair, pulled up in a clip, tickled his nostrils. "Haven't seen much of you lately," she murmured into his chest, and then pulled back. "How've you been?"
"Good. A little busy."
"He's been working out," Leah said sardonically. She moved around him to the table, picked a carrot from the salad bowl and took a purposeful bite. The crunch felt especially loud. "Can't you tell?" She moved the carrot in a sweeping motion up and down his body. "Grew a few inches, too. I thought he was on something. Isn't that funny?"
Billy and Sue exchanged looks. Seth, already sitting dutifully at the table, watched with raised brows. "So, he's not?" he asked. "On something, I mean. Cos' he's huge. Like, huge. You part of Sam's steroid club now or somethin'?"
"Hmm." Leah tilted her head and gave Jacob an assessing once over. "Interesting thought, Seth. Have you heard about that, mom? Sam's steroid club?"
Her hostility on the subject shouldn't have come as a surprise. Leah hated lies. It was part of why he'd run his mouth to her in the first place, unwilling to be in the position that literally everyone else in her life was in right now. Jacob knew what it felt like. He'd phased and realized that his sister had known for weeks. His father for even longer. Billy had known what was happening, had seen the signs in Jacob when he began his transition, but chose to keep it quiet. Embry was part of the pack and knew Jacob would be, too. Even with Sam's order, even knowing the limitations that put on him, it chafed. Jacob didn't have the energy to be bitter or overly angry about it all. Leah apparently had plenty to spare, though.
Rachel was paused halfway inside the backdoor. The kitchen was small. It made the awkwardness between the group feel thicker. Her eyes darted between Leah, Jacob, Sue and Billy. No one seemed willing to speak up.
"You forgot your sweater," Jacob said into the silence.
Leah, who was engaged in a staring contest with her mother, blinked and focused on him. "What?"
"Your sweater. You were supposed to put it in the dryer." He fixed her with a pointed look. "I think you left it on my floor."
She crunched her carrot again, a little aggressively, and went back the way they'd just come. Seth huffed. "Jeez. What's crawled up her –"
" – Don't you say it, son," Sue snapped, and Seth's jaw clicked shut.
"Well." Billy maneuvered himself over to the counter and pulled down a pile of plates. He laid them out on the table. "Who's hungry?"
The meal was only slightly smoother than the hellos. Leah put her sweater in the dryer and seemed to calm herself. She didn't bring up Jacob's size, or Sam, again. She didn't have to. Jacob assumed she'd had time to think on it all and was… displeased with her family and friends for actively keeping all of this from her. She was short with them and really only engaged in conversation with Jacob and Seth. While Billy and Sue noticed and just avoided her, Rachel was bothered. She kept trying to draw Leah into their usual banter and was shut down, over and over. Jacob felt a little guilty. Did telling Leah because she'd been left out, but then not telling Rachel that Leah now knew make him a hypocrite? It kind of felt like that.
He was almost relieved to hear a howl break in the distance.
Almost.
"Is that a wolf?" Seth asked, instinctively turning to look in that direction. "Are there wolves here?"
Leah rolled her eyes and grumbled, "More than you think."
"Maybe you should look into it," Sue said a little louder, attention pulled between frowning at Leah and distracting Seth. "Didn't Mrs. Branham say you could submit an extra credit assignment before the semester ends? Might be an interesting topic."
Jacob smelled Embry long before he cracked open the backdoor and slipped half his upper body in. "Hey, guys," he greeted, out of breath. He was soaked through, and Jacob could see layers of mud smeared over his shoulders and up the side of his neck. "What's going on? Is that spaghetti?"
"You know it. Hungry?" Billy turned and waved him in. "Pull a chair out of the living room."
Embry shook his head. "No. Nah, that's fine. I was just wondering if Jacob -" He tore his eyes away from Billy and was a little less casual when he said, "Jacob, you wanna go for a run?"
"A run?" Seth's mouth was half full. His face scrunched and he looked between Embry and the rest of the table. "It's… storming. Bad."
Leah laughed. "Yes, it's storming. Isn't this odd? Does no one think it's weird that Embry's running around shirtless in thirty-degree weather, in the rain?"
"I'm coming, Em," Jacob said, and stood. Embry waved at the room and slipped back out the door. Jacob grabbed Leah's hand and tugged her through the threshold and into the hallway. That he understood Leah's anger didn't stop his temper from flaring at the incessant back and forth. The constant tension. She sagged against the wall, and he leaned in close to her face. "What are you doing?"
Leah lifted her eyes and stared right into him. Straight through him. "You know. How can they just pretend like nothing's happening? Treat us like idiots; expecting us to believe these bullshit lies they keep feeding us? I can't –"
" – Yes, you can. You told me this would be between us. Keep battering them with shady jabs and, eventually, they'll realize you know something. I don't need this right now."
"Neither do I. But here we are."
Jacob sighed and braced himself on the wall with his hands on either side of her head. The day was really starting to catch up to him. He felt like an eighty-year-old man. His bones were tired. "I understand, Leah, but I need you to cool it. Please."
She took a long, deep breath in through her nose and held it. Closed her eyes and tipped her head upward. It took an immense amount of control not to jerk when he realized how close her mouth was to his. Leah exhaled and nodded. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. It's not so bad in doses, but everyone together like this, and then Embry… it's just frustrating." Her eyes opened and found his again. "I let them get to me."
"It's that temper of yours." Jacob nudged her head with his. "Should really get some help."
Leah snorted. "Cute."
Another howl echoed around the house. Jacob straightened. "I gotta go. You gonna be okay here?"
"You asking if I need a babysitter?"
He nodded. "Yep, that's exactly what I'm asking."
"I'll be fine, thanks." She grabbed the hem of his shirt when he tried to move away, pulled him a little closer. "Does that mean something? The howling?"
Jacob studied her face. Doubt trickled in. Maybe it was best if she didn't know everything. His mouth opened anyway and he said, "Sam's calling for everyone. Someone's found something."
"Like… a vampire something?"
"Best guess, yeah."
The corners of her mouth dipped into a frown. "Well, be careful. Make sure those idiots are paying attention."
"Yes, ma'am."
She smiled at the mild sarcasm in his voice. Followed him back into the kitchen. Everyone looked up as Leah returned to the table and Jacob continued to the door. "I'll see you guys later."
"You're leaving?" Seth pivoted in his chair. "You didn't finish your food."
Casting a longing glance at his half-empty plate, Jacob felt the sentiment. So did his stomach. "No big deal. I'll grab some leftovers later. See ya."
.
Patrolling for two weeks gave Jacob a secure idea of what to expect.
From the time he'd been out Thursday night/early Friday morning to now, someone – something – had been on their land. Or at least near it. The scent began north and traveled along the Forks border to the east, then south into the Quillayute Needles Refuge. An odd route.
Jacob felt Sam poking at his mind; felt it like a hot poker to the brain the moment he pushed past Jacob's walls and into his thoughts. "We are not leaving the rez," Sam declared.
"It's a vampire," Jacob pointed out, nose to the ground. "If it's this close to home, there must be something it wants."
Embry trotted along the border, sniffing the air. "Maybe it's a Cullen. Could've come back to, I dunno, check on Bella or something."
"I know the Cullens' scents. All of them. I've been on their land with Bella." Jacob walked to the invisible line separating Quileute land from Forks. "This isn't them."
Sam wasn't so sure. His doubt seeped through the pack. Jacob's lip curled over his teeth, but he kept quiet. "You hadn't phased yet. We can't trust your human nose to single out each individual scent in a family of seven. We're not following. If it comes back, we'll deal with it then. There's only one."
"That you know of." Jacob turned himself away from Sam. He needed to get away. "I'll head back north. Make sure we didn't miss anything."
Embry followed. Paul and Jared were split, one on each side of the rez, and were dutifully keeping their thoughts to themselves. "You really don't think it's the Cullens?"
"I know it isn't."
The air in the forest was a conglomeration of life. Different animals, plants, rivers, lakes, and altitudes that worked together to create a diverse ecosystem. Now that he had better control, it was easier to separate those scents from one another, as well as from scents that were new or didn't belong. Vampire was sweet. Not like pastries or icing or candy. It reminded Jacob of the time he'd swallowed a quarter and his parents, and his pediatrician Dr. Shaker, had freaked out and taken him to the hospital. They'd stuck him in a giant machine, forced him to drink contrast, and took live images of his throat, his chest, and his stomach, making sure it didn't cause any damage on its way through. The contrast they'd given him had been awful; thick and syrupy with a sweetness that made his entire body cringe and break out in gooseflesh. He'd been… five, maybe six? Jacob could still taste it to this day.
That's what being around a vampire was like for him.
Still, like every other human or wolf, they had their own particular flavor. Separating them from each other was like separating any other scent. Jacob was human the last time he'd been on Cullen land, helping Bella search for her meadow. His subconscious, maybe even his wolf, not fully formed, had tagged those flavors. He remembered them. This was someone else.
"What do we do?" Embry asked, tracking Jacob's thoughts.
"Sam said we don't follow it. We won't." He broke into a sprint. "He can't stop me from going to Forks as a human. I'll start there. Maybe we'll find out where it's been hanging out."
They were silent for a long moment; their paws scraping and kicking up earth, flinging it out from under them, and their heavy breath creating a bubble of sound around them. Finally, Embry said, "Alright. I'm with you."
Jacob knew Sam was still phased. He could feel his presence stretching farther south. If their Alpha had heard any of their conversation, he wasn't letting them know it. Either he didn't care enough, or he trusted them enough not to pry when he was being shut out. The fact that Jacob was leaning towards the latter lit a spark of guilt he wasn't expecting.
He was feeling like that a lot lately. Maybe, eventually, he'd get used to it.
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