Happy belated update day!
Sorry for the delay. This one was a doozy for me to get finished with. Shout out to my awesome beta Bludaze for getting this edited on such short notice.
Just a bit of a note regarding this series: I've decided to compile all canonical events into this story, so it will effectively be a rewrite of New Moon - Breaking Dawn. The second installation will begin my post-canon AU.
DISCLAIMER for this chapter and beyond: I've worked in the medical field but am by no means a doctor. Google and medical journals can only get me so far. If there are inconsistencies regarding injuries/treatments, I apologize in advance.
DISCLAIMER II: I have never visited or lived in the Pacific Northwest. Everything I get comes from google maps as well as fictional filler. This fic is not an accurate representation of Forks, La Push, greater Clallam County, the citizens, or the Quileute Tribe/reservation. References to real places are just that - references. Everything else is fiction and should not be construed as fact.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
.
Jacob
.
He woke in fits and starts.
Gasping. Gagging. Wailing, he thought, because he was still a wolf when the others found him. In those first moments of consciousness, he couldn't breathe, legs kicking out and body spasming with the desperate urge to find oxygen.
"Jacob. Jesus." Sam. His hands roamed through the fur around Jacob's throat, feeling for the injury. "Where is he hurt? Where – I don't see – is there something – help me."
There was no board or other debris sticking out of his neck, which is probably what Sam expected, given the singular motion of Jacob's thoughts before Sam had phased from wolf to human: I can't breathe, I can't breathe, air, air, air, I can't breathe.
Paul shifted to two legs and shoved chunks of two by four away to crouch across from Sam. He lifted Jacob, exploring that side of his neck, and when his fingers touched the swollen, raw bites Victoria had left, Jacob's wolf body yelped pitifully.
"I found it," Paul said, voice shaking. "It's –" He parted the fur and squinted. "Bites. She – she fucking bit him."
"What does that mean?" Sam sounded panicked. Breathless. "Venom, right? Vampires have venom that changes humans."
Paul shook his head. "Do you think that works on us? I mean, we're… made to fight them. This would be a bit of a problem, wouldn't it?"
Behind Sam, Embry paced anxiously, a string of constant whimpers vibrating his throat, while Jared scoured the yard and the immediate woods beyond to be sure Victoria wasn't still around. The steady drizzle of the last few hours finally opened up to a downpour. Above, the roof of the porch was structurally damaged, cracked and bowing inward where beams had been broken or knocked away completely. Rain flooded through the holes and soaked them.
"We need to get him home," Sam decided, standing. "We'll have to carry him."
They'd barely gotten his front legs off the ground and Jacob was heaving, bile and what little contents were left in his stomach filling his mouth and then covering the ground. His whole body tightened, constricting and rolling forward, from tail to throat, forcing anything and everything up and out. Time ceased and there was just this awful series of vomiting and shaking and convulsing; fluids spewing from his nose and his mouth; breathing and then not; bursts of white light behind his lids and then spinning and a sudden, abrupt stop.
Paul and Sam had their hands buried in his fur, rubbing, massaging, and it was oddly cathartic when he heaved his last.
"You're okay," Paul said confidently, brushing a palm over Jacob's brow, smoothing the fur there. "You're gonna be fine. Relax."
He listened to the familiar cadence of Paul's voice and focused on the warmth and strength of their hands, steady and grounding. As the fire of the venom died down, his mind slowly came back to him, and then everything hurt.
"Can you phase?" Sam asked.
Jacob took a deep breath, wincing at the terrible smell, but nodded. They backed away. Gave him some space. He was still off. Still noodlish and scatterbrained. But when he controlled his breathing, the wolf calmed enough that he was able to shift without much complication. On his hands and knees, he dared to open his eyes and his vision, thankfully, remained still.
Sam was watching over him as he said, "What happened?"
"She's fucking with us," Jacob croaked, unable to fully open his mouth. That blow to the head he'd taken must have broken something. The left side of his face felt tight and throbbed in time with his heartbeat. "That's what happened."
"So this was on purpose?" Paul said quietly, standing nearby the front door but unwilling to go inside.
Speaking through his teeth, Jacob said, "She's not gonna stop killing people. Basically her message." He coughed. Heaved again, suddenly. Coughed some more, one arm clutching his middle. "She wants Bella. Told me that if we hand her over, this can stop. She'll leave and won't come back."
Sam grunted. "That's obviously not an option."
"I thought –" Jacob groaned as another wave of sickness and pain wracked his muscles. "I thought if I distracted her, she'd let the woman go." The next sound that clawed its way from his chest was a mixture of regret, guilt, and disgust. With himself. With Victoria. "I should've – maybe if I'd have –"
" – She was gonna kill her anyway, Jacob," Sam said quietly. "Coming here, luring us out – that was the way it was gonna end. Even if you hadn't found her."
Paul sighed. "You tried, Jake. At least you tried."
At least, he thought bitterly. Trying hadn't made the last terror-filled moments of that woman's life any less awful. He couldn't stop himself from falling into that hole. Imagining how scared she must have been, how confused. Her life and experiences and everything she loved all shrunk into that one moment. Her entire universe reduced to the snap of a bone. Gone. Stolen.
Jacob's body welled with another burst of adrenaline and he stood, pushed passed Sam, and climbed the rubble of the porch to step into the gaping hole he'd left in the side of the house. It was pitch black inside. The woman's body was slack on the floor between the kitchen and the living room. Glass from the back door blanketed everything. He smelled blood; remembered Victoria's ruby fangs and followed the scent to the master bedroom. In the center of the bed, floating in a dark pool, a man stared lifelessly at the door. At Jacob.
He heard movement throughout the rest of the house and meant to look away. Meant to help the others clear the place and figure out what to do next. But he remembered the toys in the backyard and didn't want to know what else Victoria had done while she waited for them to arrive. So he stared at the man's empty face and felt himself slowly untethering from reality. Grief did strange things to him. It was best to get ahead of the curve. Shut it off and disconnect before he really felt anything. Later, when he was alone, he'd sort it out. Now wasn't the time.
"No one else is here," Sam said from behind him, and Jacob just barely stayed in his skin. He hadn't heard anyone approaching. A quiet moment stretched and then Sam's hand was on Jacob's shoulder, squeezing. "Come on, Jake. Let's go home."
His chest tightened. "We're just gonna leave them here?"
"They have family. Kids and grandkids in pictures all over the house. Someone will find them –"
" – The people that love them will find them murdered in the ruins of their home, neck snapped and body drained of blood. They don't deserve that."
Sam took a deep breath. "I know." He gripped Jacob's shoulder a little tighter, and Jacob swayed with the movement. "But there's nothing else we can do here. You're sick. We don't know what that venom's done, or what it will do. We need to get you looked at."
Jacob closed his eyes and felt his body sag. Exhaustion and pain ballooned under his skin.
"Okay," he finally said, but as he turned to follow Sam through the hallway, the kaleidoscope returned, dizziness overwhelmed him, and everything ceased.
.
Monday, March 16, 2015
.
Leah
.
She'd been closing down The Lone Wolf when Embry called.
The worry, up to this point, had been a subtle thing she could rationalize whenever the wolves disappeared for long periods of time. They're together, she'd remind herself. There's five of them and one of her. Finding out about vampires and ancestral curses had turned her life into a bad sci-fi movie. It put new meaning into the mundane. Renewed her appreciation of the simplicity she'd once scoffed at and bucked against. All the disappearances and deaths made those closest to her seem even more significant. The peril they now lived in breathed urgency into the small things; the 'unimportant' things.
Leah hadn't put much thought into what the wolves did while they patrolled, or exactly how much danger they were in whenever they crossed the threshold of the trees. She couldn't. Neither could Billy, or Rachel, or anyone else directly affected by what was happening. That kind of fear and anxiety would be debilitating. Everyone still had to function and live. There needed to be a sense of normalcy, even if things were far, far from normal.
Seeing Sue's name pop up on her cellphone at three-thirty in the morning wasn't exceptionally out of the ordinary. Leah worked her share of doubles, took her turns closing, and Sue was a worrier in spite of herself. She'd seen horrible things as a nurse and couldn't fathom something bad ever happening to her husband or kids. Family was not an interchangeable priority. It was first, always. But Embry speaking through the earpiece instead of Sue, raised voices in the background of what sounded like a moving car, the clipped, desperate demand that Leah meet them at the clinic… none of that was normal.
The Lone Wolf was on the waterfront, neighbor to the Marina on the right, the Market on the left, and across the street from the La Push Police Department. Leaving the restaurant parking lot, Main Street bled into Ocean Front Drive headed south and dead-ended at the rec center, tribal natural resource center, and clinic moving north. Leah didn't bother with her car when Embry abruptly hung up without answering any questions. She'd tried to reason with herself as she jogged down the road, the cold drizzle coming down in misty blankets putting an extra pep in her step. It obviously wasn't Harry or Seth. They'd be headed to the emergency room. The wolves… it could be anything. A broken arm or leg; maybe something that required an x-ray?
Jacob was the safe bet. She wasn't sure Sue would've felt it necessary to call her if Paul or Jared, or even Embry, were hurt. Sam… no. Leah didn't want anything to happen to him, but she wasn't going to play wet nurse and clean his boo boos while he gave her angst eyes and looked for ways to broach the subject of their breakup. Her mother knew that better than anyone. Jacob made the most sense, and it was a chore to stop herself from running scenarios as she approached the front of the building. Keep moving, she thought. Keep moving.
Sue's SUV was parked nearly on top of the doors to the clinic, mist billowing in the high beams, every door left standing open. Leah slowed and inspected the trunk as she moved past; bloody rags and gauze and towels strewn over the dark carpet. She didn't dwell. The clinic doors were intact as she pushed through and into the waiting area. They hadn't broken in, then, which led to a host of other concerns. The secret was slowly dissolving, and she wasn't sure what that meant for the pack, or for their families.
"Mom?" she called, even as she followed a cacophony of voices and rattling equipment and, somewhere under it all, what sounded like someone puking.
Embry opened the door to the back and motioned her in. "Hey, Lee."
He was wearing scrub bottoms that were too short, too tight, and already stained with blood and dirt. His face was pinched with stress. An odd look on him. "What's going on?"
"Victoria," he began, and closed the door behind them. She followed him down the hall. "Bit Jacob. It's the venom. Doc says it doesn't seem to affect us like it does humans but is acting like a poison."
"Okay, but you guys heal fast, right? Shouldn't that help burn through the poison?"
Embry stopped just shy of the doorway and Leah moved around him, through the threshold. The clinic was recently renovated with the sole purpose of having more space. The waiting area, triage, and patient rooms were all expanded and refurnished. It did not feel that way right now. Jared hovered anxiously in a corner, arms folded, watching on with furrowed brows. Sam was steadying Jacob in a chair that looked like it was going to cave under the pressure while Doctor Locklear appeared to be trying to comprehend the situation, shining a light in Jacob's eyes, pausing when he heaved over the trashcan on the floor, and then trying again. Sue was trying to situate a blood pressure cuff on Jacob's arm through Sam's grip on him. Paul was crammed in there, too, and it was just too much. The room was stifling, overcrowded, and the wolves looked caged and harried. Doctor Locklear was rightfully intimidated, eyes darting around the room constantly, unable to focus.
"Out," she barked, grabbing their attention. Sam opened his mouth, but she talked over him. "Get him on the bed and get out. All of you." Jared moved first, though slowly, like he was dragging his feet through tar. She patted his shoulder and guided him out. Sam looked between Jacob and the door. She realized, rather abruptly, that he was worried. His hands shook slightly where they hovered over Jacob's shoulders. "Sam. The Doc can't work like this. Give them some space."
"He's out of it," he reasoned, still unmoving. "I don't know if it's safe –"
" – You can wait right outside," Sue assured him. "Close enough to intervene if something happens." She sighed at his impassable expression. "We'll leave the door open."
Paul looked tired as he put a hand at the center of Sam's back and applied a hint of pressure. "C'mon, man. Let's get him on the bed."
And what a shit show that was. Jacob was bigger than both of them, and he was no help. Locklear observed with a mixture of fascination and concern as Jacob's muscles spasmed and he struggled to keep his feet under him. In the end, Sam had to grab one end, Paul the other, and they lifted him up onto the bed with a great deal of effort.
"Gah damn, Jake," Paul puffed. "Heavy ass."
Sue tutted, coming around the bed. "Language."
The room seemed to expand once Paul and Sam were out of the way and Leah maneuvered around Locklear to stand beside her mother. Sue finally got the blood pressure cuff on and began pumping the bulb.
"This is just… incredible." Locklear examined the bite on Jacob's neck with clinical interest, shining his pen light along the teeth ridges. "You can actually differentiate the canine punctures from the rest of the –"
Sue cleared her throat, slowly releasing the air valve. "Focus, John."
"Right."
There was a lot going on; what seemed like hundreds of cuts on Jacob's torso, discoloration and swelling on one side of his face, the unfocused, confused stare that couldn't seem to hang onto anything. That bite was nasty, though. Raised and angry-looking, the skin around it darkened with blacks and blues that reached outward in tendrils. Leah swallowed around a sudden knot in her throat.
Sue removed the cuff. "BP is up but I'm not sure what it runs normally, now that he's a wolf. Their temperature is higher than a normal human. Their metabolism seems to burn faster."
"His pulse feels quickened," Locklear observed, fingers pressed to Jacob's throat. "Check the others and try to get a baseline. I need to call in some help."
Sue stopped mid-step. "I told you, we can't –"
" – I understand this is… sensitive," he agreed, still moving for the phone hanging on the wall. "But, Sue, he's struggling, and I'm not seeing that advanced healing you were talking about. Either it's not as fast as he led you to believe, or this poison – venom – is affecting his body's ability to heal itself. Either way, we're gonna need more hands."
Sam offered his arm for the cuff. "Just do it. Whatever you need."
Leah stepped up to the side of the bed and took in the damage. What if the venom was fatal? What if it did stop them from healing? Were his wounds bad enough that he – no. She shook her head and forced herself to reach out. Her fingers closed on his forearm. "Is there anything I can do?"
Locklear lifted his mouth from the phone and pointed at the cabinet behind her. "Cloth, disinfectant, tweezers, third and fifth drawer. There might still be glass in some of those cuts." He hung up the phone and rifled through the cabinet to his left. "I'll start an IV. Flushing his system isn't a guarantee, but until I know more, it's the best I've got."
"Draw some blood first," Sue piped in, working her way through the other wolves' blood pressures, pulses, and body temps. "Need a sample of –"
" – Thank you, Sue." He rolled his eyes and pulled up a stool. "Start cleaning those cuts, Leah. If you see glass, fish it out."
The next several minutes were quiet, except for the occasional groan from Jacob and the puff, puff, puff, hiss of the BP cuff. Leah focused on each cut, letting herself get absorbed in the task. It required a certain level of detachment and she needed that; tedious, consuming, distracting. Every now and then she'd blink and see that nasty bite, the unnatural slack of his jaw on one side, the swelling that spread from under his ear, down into his neck, up into his cheek, over his eye, sealing it shut. Black bruising over it all. It was hard to reconcile all of it with Jacob. It made her stomach roll unpleasantly when she thought too much about it.
A nurse stood uncomfortably at the door. "What… is happening?"
Locklear looked up from the exorbitant amount of blood he'd just drawn and waved the nurse over. "I'll explain, Hannah, but right now I need you to finish getting this IV moving while I start looking over the other injuries."
He did explain. All the while he pushed and prodded Jacob's head and face and neck, he told Hannah the whole story, let Sue and the wolves pipe in where they were needed, and Hannah worked with wide eyes and shaking hands, but never faltered. Leah caught herself watching as Locklear worked around Jacob's jaw and she had to look away. Jacob was wearing the same small, surgical green scrub pants Embry was. A quick glance at the pack hovering in the doorway confirmed that they all were, and she had the ridiculous urge to laugh. They looked stupid.
"This needs an x-ray," Locklear decided. "I'm certain it's dislocated, maybe broken, just don't know how badly, or if anything else was damaged." He lifted Jacob's head and they all winced at the sound it elicited; a chesty, ugly groan. "There's another bite." Locklear felt around the area, frowning. "You said he came to for a bit?"
"He was walking and talking," Sam confirmed. "I thought he was alright. Seemed lucid. Then he just… collapsed again. He'd wake up on the way back, dry heave, then knock back out."
Hannah pulled the IV stand next to the bed and stood. "Are we flushing him?"
"Yes. I'll grab the portable x-ray." As he approached the door, Locklear sighed. "Listen, guys, we need some space. He's fine where he is. Please. Go sit in the waiting area. We'll yell if we need something."
"I've got a pretty clear baseline from you," Sue told them. "This helps. There's nothing else you can do right now."
Sam frowned, looking between Leah and Jacob, but didn't argue. He disappeared into the hallway with Jared on his heels. Embry and Paul followed. Locklear turned and looked ready to tell Leah the same, but she spoke first. "I'll stay in case he wakes up. Might keep him calm to see a familiar face."
His lips pursed. "Okay. All right. Sue, double-check those cuts. I'll be right back."
The rest of the night was long and miserable. Didn't even have the decency to blur or run together. She was officially benched as Locklear returned with the x-ray machine and another nurse arrived to help. Leah pulled up a chair and sat by Jacob's legs, holding his hand, and watched them poke and prod and try to manipulate his temporomandibular joint back into place as they flushed his system with saline and waited for it to either work or not. Even without enhanced senses, Leah could hear things popping and cracking and, when she'd had enough, she lifted his hand and pressed it to her cheek, closed her eyes, and took deep breaths in through her nose. She didn't have a weak constitution. Blood didn't make her woozy and she'd seen her share of injuries during her time playing sports. But this was different. It was extreme and, once again, Leah felt helpless to do anything about it.
She was getting really sick of hovering on the sidelines.
"We may have to get another shot," Locklear was saying. "I can't get it back in from this angle."
Hannah grunted on the other side of Jacob's head. "He should be in a hospital. This is crazy. We're not equipped to deal with – I mean, he might need surgery. We could just be making it worse."
"We can't risk something showing up in the bloodwork, or anyone witnessing anything they shouldn't." Sue sighed. She looked like she was trying to convince herself as well as the nurses. "It's a lot to ask. We don't really have a choice."
Was Hannah right? Should they take him to a hospital? If he wasn't healing, they very well could be doing more damage than necessary. What if the saline didn't work and he was just lying there dying while they –
His hand tightened over hers, almost painfully. Her eyes snapped open. "Jake?"
His eyes had been opening and closing at random intervals throughout this whole process, but they were closed when she stood to study his face. If his hand wasn't still currently crushing hers, Leah might have thought she'd imagined the pressure. She watched the limpness dissolve as, slowly, his awareness fired back to life. His legs jerked, the muscles in his abdomen rolled, his chest and shoulders flexed, and then his eyes slid open, wolf bright.
"Hey," she murmured, and everyone else stayed very still. "You're at the clinic. Dr. Locklear, Hannah, and –" Leah stumbled on the other nurse's name. Locklear gave it to her under his breath. "Celia, right. They're here to help, okay?"
Jacob was very obviously uncomfortable. Unsure. His pupils were pinpricks as his eyes took in the scene and he processed what she was saying to him. From the corner of her eye, Leah saw Sam appear in the doorway. Jacob noticed, too.
"Okay?" Sam asked, easing himself a little farther inside.
Jacob nodded and started to sit up.
"Whoa, whoa, now," Locklear contested, a hand on Jacob's shoulder. "Be easy."
Sam stopped at the end of the bed. "What else do you need to do with him?"
"Most of his wounds are minor. The venom and the jaw are the most pressing. Seems that the saline is working. Just gotta pop this bad boy back into place –"
" – Can you be still or do I need to hold you down?" Sam spoke over the doctor, attention on Jacob, and motioned to the others in the room. "Lot of collateral damage here."
"I'm okay."
Sam paused and Leah could only assume that he was watching Jacob's expression, his body language, for proof that he was telling the truth. Jacob had explained that they could sense when someone was lying, back when he first gave up the secret. Not in a magical-lie-detector sense, but through changes in bodily responses. Harsh breathing, rapid heartbeat, fidgeting, lack of eye contact. Sweating, sometimes. It was easier with people they knew or were around a lot. The differences were less subtle. She felt his hand twitch in hers and stepped a little closer to him. Sam's arm darted out and his palm flattened over her collar bone, the slightest pressure urging her backward.
Jacob's irises flashed in a way that was new for her. His anger, in general, was new. Strange. The explosive moments that only Sam seemed to dredge out of him were like watching this solid, put-together person flip inside out. All of the vulnerable, acidic thoughts and feelings kept buried were now visible, as evident in his expression as the wolf was in his eyes. He fixed Sam with a stare that could only be described as a dare. Not a warning, whose intent would be to guide Sam away from doing something to further provoke him. It was a look that said do it again, with every threat and dark notion riding the coattails, unafraid and unperturbed.
"Boys," Sue cautioned, voice stern and level. "Don't start."
Leah gripped Sam's forearm with her free hand and moved it away from her. There was resistance, but not enough to stop the motion completely. "We'll be fine, Sam. Go wait with the others."
"I –" Sam backed up a step. His expression morphed from aggression-laced wariness to frustration, back to wariness, and then to something in between when he finally dragged his eyes away from Jacob to look at her. "I know how unpredictable we can be. If he lashes out in pain when the doc –"
The growl that fairly vibrated the room was unexpected, and kind of surreal. It wasn't a human sound. Didn't even seem to come from Jacob's mouth, but rather his chest, which seemed like it should be impossible while in this form.
The left side of Jacob's jaw was out of place, which made closing his mouth impossible. It was swollen, looked slack from the outside, as if he was feigning a shocked expression and just left his mouth hanging there. When he spoke, it was clear that he didn't have enough control to fully open it, either, or to form certain letters with his lips.
Still, they all understood him when he told Sam, "Stop punishing me for your mistake." He took a shuddering breath, face pinched in pain, and swallowed before continuing. "I have never done anything to deserve your distrust."
Leah saw Sam bracing for an argument. One that Jacob wouldn't be able to keep up with, and that would likely just push them both over the edge. She let go of Jacob's hand and took Sam by the arm. "Come with me."
"Leah –"
" – Come with me, now."
She led him down the hall to the set of doors that would take him back out to the waiting room and turned to face him. "You need to give him some space. If Jacob thought he needed a babysitter –"
" – He'd, what? Tell me? C'mon, Lee Lee, you see how irrational he is whenever the two of us are in the same room."
Leah blinked at him, swallowing the immediate anger hearing her 'nickname' sparked. She held up one finger. "Do not call me that. Ever." She held up a second. "I'd say the two of you are pretty tied when it comes to being irrational. He would not put any of us in danger. No amount of whatever the hell this is between you could possibly make you believe that he would."
Sam folded his arms and looked away. "I know."
"Right. So, when you ask him point blank if he needs your help and he says I'm okay, the sensible thing would be to back off. Do you see where I'm going with this?"
The silence in the hallway was broken only by the faint clattering of, she assumed, Locklear getting another image with the x-ray. Sam stared hard at the wall as he said, "You think I'm baiting him."
"Aren't you?"
"It's not that simple, Leah."
"No, I'm aware of your Alpha wolf bullshit. He's told me." She studied his face and thought back to him earlier; his hands shaking, the worry glassing his eyes. He did not look worried now. Hadn't looked worried when he'd pressed Jacob in the room. Leah tried to remember that she wasn't pack. That none of this was really her area of expertise. Still, she wasn't a fucking idiot. Neither was Jacob. "Which is why I find it interesting that you'd offer yourself as a buffer between him and the humans."
"I'm Alpha."
"Who has no control over him." His eyes flashed blue and turned on her. Tiny ripples danced along his cheekbones and she saw his pulse pounding in his neck. Still a sore subject, then. "Wouldn't it make more sense to send Embry, who has a better connection with him? Or Paul, who's closer in dominance, or whatever the hell you wanna call it, and is strong enough to do something if Jacob lost it?"
His chin lifted and he was curt when he said, "It's my responsibility."
"Bullshit," she hissed. "That's bullshit. He's weak, and vulnerable, and you thought you'd macho your way in there and, what? Pick a fight?"
"Is that what you think of me? That I would do something like that? And with you all in the room, no less."
Leah lifted a shoulder and felt dual amounts of frustration and sadness roll over her. The truth was complicated. "I don't know," she said quietly. Honestly. "I don't know what you would do. I don't know how deep this goes. But you seem pretty desperate to undermine him every chance you get. Even when it might not be best for the pack."
"Ah." Sam sucked his tongue and his head lolled back to look at the ceiling. "I see your mouth moving, but that's Jacob I hear."
"Don't. Don't try to turn this into some conspiracy. Jacob's my friend, but bullshit's not a currency I accept. You should know that."
"I don't know," he parroted, giving her a pointed look. "I don't know how deep this goes." Leah didn't take the bait. He snorted. "Everyone thinks that guy shits gold, y'know? But his temper, his wolf – it's not just me."
"God, stop projecting blame. Have some fucking accountability for your part. That's the difference. That's the line in the sand. Jacob's not innocent, but he doesn't claim to be, either."
"If you dragged me out here to sing his fucking praises and shame me for –"
" – Okay." She held up a hand. Took a breath. "Okay, you're right. We're getting off track. I think we were talking about you sneaking in there to kick him while he's down." Sam opened his mouth, nostrils and eyes flaring in anger, but she shook her head and continued. "I'm going to say this because you and I have been through a lot together. Because I care about Jacob and the others in the pack. Because I care about the outcome of what happens between the two of you. Listen to my words, Sam. Hear me."
Sam rocked back on his heels and inhaled deeply. The wolf was still dim in his eyes.
Leah took his silence for agreement. She said, "You need to grow the fuck up. I understand that this shit with the wolves makes things harder. These… instincts complicate your ability to reason with each other. Fine. But it's not an excuse to keep acting like a couple of wild animals. You've both shown that you're capable of working through it. So do it. Be mature, Uley. Communicate in a healthy way. Talk, like normal human beings. You're not helping yourselves, or the pack, or the community, by being at each other's throats all the time. Do you understand?"
It was interesting that Sam, who seemed to stare everyone down all the time, refused to look at her face unless the wolf was at the fore. He was back to staring at the ceiling, eyes squinted against the light. She watched his Adam's apple bob. He rocked back once, twice. Finally, his eyes closed and he said, "I know that it's not helping. I understand what you're saying. I know that we need to do better." He cleared his throat. "I need to do better."
"Yes. You do."
"I hear you, Leah."
"Good."
She made to move around him, because the moment their conversation about pack matters lulled, it would open up a door for him to talk about something else, and she couldn't take that risk. He caught her wrist and held it loosely. Too late.
"Why won't you return my calls?"
"Because we have nothing to talk about, Sam. Nothing important enough to warrant forty-eight missed calls."
He had the decency to grimace when she said the number out loud. "I'm sorry. It's just that – well. You know about everything now and I feel like I can explain things in a way that's less –"
" – Shitty?"
"Exactly."
Leah sighed and wished he'd go back to watching the ceiling. His eyes on her face made this far more uncomfortable. It was odd to think that a year ago, his hand on her skin would have been welcome. A relief. She would have been happy being so close to him. Leah was content in their relationship up to the moment he disappeared and, apparently, shifted into a giant wolf for the first time. She'd been silly. Their problems reached far deeper than his imprint, rooted in her need for independence and his need to try and stifle it; the facets of her personality that kept her off the sidelines and his unconscious (or not) desire to control her.
Sam needed someone to be about him. Just him. Not him and their family, or their friends. There wasn't room in Sam's battered self-esteem to share his lover with others. Leah had thought about this a lot since she and Jacob… well. There still wasn't a name for that, yet. She'd thought a lot about how, from an unbiased perspective, Emily was actually better for Sam. She fit into his little box. Made him feel important and needed whereas Leah had always unintentionally done the opposite.
Sam had abandonment issues. Self-issues. Leah wanted someone she could build up and who would do the same; someone hungry for life and experience and with values that matched her own. She couldn't fix Sam's problems and didn't want to. She shouldn't have to. At the end of the day, Leah wanted a partner and Sam wanted a warm, pliant body to soothe him. They were not compatible. And being this close to him now, in this particular situation, reminded her of all those reasons why.
"Is there a better way to explain that you were magically destined to be with someone else? It's all been explained to me. There's nothing left to say."
"Leah, I –"
" – I mean, what do you want? Forgiveness?" She snorted and pulled her arm from his grip. "Take it. I'm not angry anymore, Sam. I'm not sad, missing you and pining for what we had. It's been over and done for a year."
"A year didn't erase all this guilt. And, honestly, I – I miss you. I've missed you since that very first day. My feelings didn't just evaporate when the imprint hit. Everything from before was still there. I just couldn't – I had to think about Emily, first. The imprint," he sucked in a breath, pressed a fist to his chest, "It hurt here whenever I was too close to you. Like the wolf knew about that history and wanted me away from it. But you were mine. Do you understand? I didn't want to let you go."
Warning bells rattled her skull. The hairs on the back of her neck raised. His eyes were brown, but there was a faint glow that made them seem a shade lighter than what was natural for him, and they were blown wide. A little wild looking. Jacob had mentioned, once, and with a hint of shame, that the wolf was impossibly territorial; part of the reason why he and Sam struggled to coexist. Two Alphas claiming the same territory, the same pack, the same people. In the wild, on average, more than sixty percent of deaths among wolves and conflicting packs are due to territorial disputes. Leah only knew that, and many other wolf-related facts, because Seth had taken Sue's suggestion after finding out about the pack and rolled with it for extra credit. It seemed appropriate, though.
Sam's turn of phrase was telling. Mine. She'd heard Jacob using that more and more. My sister, instead of Rachel. My dad, instead of Billy. My home. My family. Those were the stakes. Leah was beginning to wonder if Jacob and Sam were starting to see each other in the same way they saw Victoria, but worse, because of what they were. Not an enemy vampire threatening the safety of their territory, but an enemy Alpha trying to steal that territory away and keep it for himself. The land, the wolves, the people. Leah fell into that category. She was Sam's, once. Then she wasn't. But now…
"It's over, Sam." Leah kept her voice low and clear. She could be mindful of the wolf and still be direct. Had to be. The personalities of the wolves were still developing, they were all still learning, but they couldn't spend the rest of their lives walking on eggshells. There needed to be a balance between the humans and the beasts. The ability to say you're wrong, or stop, or no without fear of bodily harm. If they didn't have that, what precedent would that set? "I know that you didn't ask for this. I know you didn't mean for it to happen. But it did. And we're here now. I can tell you that I don't hate you, that I forgive you for the way you handled it, but that's – that's all. Okay?"
He watched her face, studied her expression, and from one blink to the next, his not-quite-normal light brown eyes were bright and blue with his wolf. "Is there something going on between the two of you? You and Jacob?"
It was like a bad line from a movie paired with a cheesy suspense scene. A nosedive into b-rated sci-fi. Her jaw clenched and she just barely suppressed a wince when her teeth ground together. "That's none of your business."
Sam's head tilted and his eyes narrowed. This was not the answer he wanted. His nose flared, he took a step forward, and –
The door to the waiting room opened. Paul, who'd clearly heard every word and was visibly uncomfortable, stepped into their bubble, angling himself between them. "Everything cool?"
Sam's wild eyes shifted to him. Paul steeled himself. In the doorway, Jared and Embry stood stiffly. Resolute. If she wasn't the apparent fixation of an unstable Alpha wolf-shifter, Leah might have been touched by the show of solidarity on her account. As it stood, she just wanted to get the hell away from him and back on level ground.
"We're fine," she said, easing away. "The doc was working the x-ray again. I'm gonna go check in."
It felt insane to turn her back on him, which just confirmed the unhinged vibes he was giving. None of them spoke as she moved confidently down the hall, at a purposefully neutral pace. When she crossed the threshold into the room, Jacob's eyes, gleaming with his wolf, were already staring at the door, waiting for her. He, like the others, probably heard every fucking word. Privacy? What Privacy?
"I'm going to use the wrist pivot," Locklear was saying, pushing the x-ray cart away. "Jacob, can you," he motioned awkwardly around Jacob's head, indicating backward, with an angle, "relax, y'know, into the head support?"
Sue rolled her eyes. "Lay your head back, sweetheart. Chin up."
Jacob did as they asked. Leah returned to her side of the bed and grabbed his hand, more for her sake than his at this point. The night was catching up to her. All the worry, the fear, the stress, and then Sam; emotionally, she felt wrecked. Jarred from seeing Jacob bloody and unconscious to being pulled into their freaky Alpha competition. Beside her, Sue brushed a few stray hairs from Jacob's forehead.
"This is gonna hurt like a bitch," she told him, and Leah nearly fell over hearing that word in her mother's voice. "Just keep very still." She dropped to a whisper. "John's brilliant, but not much hands-on experience before he took this gig. I'm sorry in advance. Just hang in there."
Jacob stared at Sue for a long breath, and then lolled his head back into position. His eyes blinked up at the ceiling and Leah could see him taking long, deep inhalations and blowing them slowly through his nostrils. The muscles in his neck were jumping spastically. Nerves, or the venom, she wasn't sure.
"Maybe you should do it," Leah murmured, watching Locklear from the corner of her eye. He was pulling on gloves and talking to himself. "You've seen this done before, right?"
"Seeing it and doing it are two different things, hon." As the doctor continued to 'prepare', Sue cleared her throat and amended with, "If he botches it too badly, or if he can't get it after a few tries, I'll take over."
Jacob shifted a little and his fingers flexed in hers. He was getting antsy. So was Leah. She longed for that detached, distracted feeling from earlier. The ability to look on and be supportive without the burden of her own emotions. Locklear approached and Leah stifled the urge to step between them. She felt raw and defensive, even knowing that whatever hurt the doctor caused would be in an effort to help, not injure.
"Here we go," Locklear muttered, and stepped up onto a stool so he was looking slightly downward. Jacob was tall, long, and it made the whole thing awkward. "I've gotta position my fingers in your mouth. It'll be uncomfortable for a moment, painful when I start moving things around, but you'll feel a nice wave of relief once it's back in place. Just be sure to hold very still."
The whole thing really didn't take very long. Once Locklear began, he seemed to grow in confidence and, though there was a wincable moment of Jacob groaning and visibly restraining himself as the doctor shifted the jaw around, one good pop and it was done.
"Better? Open and close your mouth for me."
Jacob did. Rolled his jaw and then his neck. "Yeah, that's good."
"Awesome! Great." Locklear was smiling from ear to ear. "That's – wow. I honestly didn't expect it to be that smooth." They shifted triplet looks of disapproval to him and he chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry. Anyway, let me go check on that blood work. Hannah and Celia were running most of the samples but I saved a few to examine myself. That's my specialty, y'know? I'm actually pretty excited. Not every day I get to study supernatural –" He glanced over them. Cleared his throat. "Heh. Sorry. Again. I'll… be right back."
Leah pulled up a stool and the next hour or so crept by in a series of interactions with the nurses, Locklear, Sue, and then silence. Jacob was subdued. Contemplative. Tired. There were bags under his eyes and she swore he looked… smaller. Like he'd lost some of the bulk in his chest and shoulders. Leah hadn't been keeping up with the time, but the sun was coming up by the time they decided Jacob would be okay to leave.
"Where are Rachel and Billy?" she asked, suddenly noticing their absence. Sue's guilty look answered her. "You didn't call them."
Jacob eased himself to the edge of the bed. "On the way to your house, in one of my few lucid moments, I told them not to."
"Jake –"
" – I know." He pressed a palm to the middle of his forehead. "I love them but sometimes they just…" He trailed off and shrugged.
"Stress you out?" Sue offered.
Leah hummed in agreement. "Panic and make things worse?"
"Get emotional and work themselves into messes?"
Jacob snorted, gave them each an appreciative glance, and stood up. It was far more fluid than Leah expected. "Yes, yes, and yes. Thank you."
"You're welcome, sweetheart." Sue patted his shoulder as she passed. "Also, I called them. They'll be here any moment to pick you up." At his dry look, Sue lifted a shoulder and smiled. "Sorry, kid. My deception has a shelf life."
Leah sat quietly as he stretched and moved about the room, testing his legs, working the kinks out of his back, and dragging the IV stand along for the ride. She wanted to ask about what happened. How he wound up with two vampire bites and a dislocated jaw. Where the glass had come from. Where they'd been when this happened. Where Victoria was now. Reasonably, Leah knew she'd find out later, from her parents who would get the whole thing from Sam and the pack. Unreasonably, she didn't want it from them, didn't want to hear it later. Her heart still hurt from the absolute panic that had shocked her system when she'd walked into this room. Her stomach still felt weak, and her mind was still cramping with the idea that he might have closed his eyes and that venom, which had been doing who-knows-what as they had sat there contemplating and spinning their wheels, might have ensured that he didn't open them again.
"I thought there were kids in the house," Jacob said into the quiet, startling her. He wasn't looking at her but, she assumed, he'd picked up on her… what? Anxiety? Frustration. She didn't even know. "Victoria's trail dead-ended at a house up near Dickey Lake. She was baiting us – has been for days. Sam and the rest were moving toward me once I picked up her scent, but I got to the house and there were toys outside. Little kid's toys. I thought –" He shook his head. "I don't know what I thought. She had the woman already, goaded me, and I reacted. The man was dead before I got there. I caught her." A puff of sardonic laughter. "I had her. And then she bit me and I couldn't hold her. She got away. Again."
Leah swallowed. Processed the words. "What happened to the woman?"
"Dead." He sounded far away when he said, "Snapped her neck before I could reach them."
She swallowed again, reflexively, and moved before she realized what she was doing. Her arms wrapped around his middle, vaguely aware that there were fewer cuts on his abdomen than there had been previously, and that those left were scabbed over, on their way to disappearing. Her ear pressed to his chest, and she could hear his heart beating. It was more level than her own.
Jacob's arm slid over her shoulders and squeezed lightly. "Quite the mess for the human authorities."
"Is it a concern, do you think? For the pack?"
"I don't think so. No way for them to connect it to us. I bled and puked everywhere when I woke up the first time, but the rain diluted everything into a nice, giant mudhole. Be next to impossible for them to find something legible."
"CSI says otherwise."
Jacob snorted. "Luckily, this is Clallam County. We're living in the stone age forensic-wise."
"Unless," Leah drawled, brows furrowing. "They call in the FBI or something. That's a thing, right? Serial murders, a bunch of disappearances. Won't they eventually call in the feds?"
His shoulder jostled her head as he shrugged. "Maybe. Let's hope not."
"Man, you two are depressing." Leah lifted her head and peeked around Jacob's arm long enough to stick her tongue out at Embry, hovering in the door. He smirked. "Rachel and Billy are here, Jake. They're waiting out front." Jacob winced, the wheels visibly turning in his head. Embry was amused as he said, "Sam and the others are gone. Need a buffer? I can ride home with you."
Leah felt him sag in relief.
"Yes. Please. That would be… helpful."
Hannah squeezed by Embry and went straight for the IV still connected to Jacob, an alcohol wipe, small piece of gauze, and a roll of tape in one hand. She laid it all out on one of the counters and motioned for his arm. "Doc says come back when you're feeling better. He wants to get a clean blood sample. Compare it to the tainted ones. Says you should take it easy for a few days. Eat, rest, drink lots of fluids." Her eyes caught on the healed and healing cuts. She glanced up at his face. "Guess the saline helped."
"Guess so."
"Unreal." She slid the IV catheter from the crook of his arm, wiped the skin with the alcohol, and taped gauze over the tiny hole. "Keep that there for twenty minutes. Or," she glanced at his face again, "until it's healed. Whichever comes first. You're free to go. Just come back if anything changes."
As they made their way to the front of the building, Leah felt a bubble of anxiety building in her chest. She loved Rachel and Billy. Loved them, like her own family. But she also knew them. She knew Jacob. They depended on him for a lot and he felt obligated to fulfill that expectation. Rest was not a word Jacob seemed to fully grasp.
"If you need anything," she began, glancing back at him as they entered the waiting room. "Just call, okay? I'm on nights for the rest of the week. I can come over and help or whatever."
His smile was winsome. It was also bullshit. Jacob's first instinct, always, was to placate. It was a habit after years of dealing with his sisters and Billy, who were habitual, compulsive worriers. He knew what to say, what expressions to adopt, to convince his family that all was well. They believed him. Leah did not.
"Knock it off," she said, before he could speak.
That smile immediately vanished. "I hear you."
"Jacob –"
"– I hear you, Leah. I'll call you if I need something."
Embry shared a doubtful look with her. He whispered, though he knew Jacob could still hear him, "I'll call you if he's misbehaving."
She smiled. "Good." Leah and Jacob stopped at the door to the parking lot while Embry continued on. "My mom's giving me a ride to my car," she explained. "Plus, you couldn't pay me to endure the interrogation you're about to go through."
Jacob let out a long-suffering sigh and nodded. "Understandable."
Although she was exhausted, both mentally and physically, Leah was loath to let him leave; to send him off to be shouted at and nagged and harassed by his well-meaning family. It still surprised her, sometimes, the defensiveness. Ridiculous to think that this nearly seven-foot, three hundred pound, supernaturally-strong being could seem vulnerable to her. But he did. Leah took in his wild hair, sticking up at all angles; the stubble on his face that was quickly inching toward an actual beard; the bruising and cuts that remained; the bags under his eyes. A surge of affection heated her blood and she hugged him again, tight.
There was something to be said for the overwhelming contentment that came with his arms enveloping her, drawing her up against him, the soft press of his lips at her temple. The rush of sentimentality and warmth that followed should have startled her. Would have if this was anyone else. She didn't have to learn to trust him, though. Didn't have to wonder about his intentions or worry over his sincerity. Those foundations were already set.
She heard Rachel barking orders for him to come on and decided that one day soon, they'd go somewhere that wasn't wrought with distractions and guaranteed interruptions.
"Check in with me," Leah told him, pulling away.
"I'll call you whenever I wake up."
He grabbed her hand and gave it one final squeeze before pushing through the door into the parking lot. Immediately, Rachel's horrified shriek pierced her ears. Leah could only imagine what that sounded like to Jacob and Embry. She watched through the glass of the door as they piled into Rachel's car and, judging by the amount of hand flailing, knew that she was giving them an earful. Billy's head was bobbing in agreement in the passenger's seat. She smiled, in spite of herself.
"Ready to go?"
Sue's hand rested on Leah's back and the weight of it was surprisingly comforting. Leah didn't often require comfort. She was a doer, in her mother's words. Sitting and lamenting over her problems had never suited her. She needed to move. But all the moving was done for today. There was nothing left for her to do.
So, she rested her head against Sue's shoulder and let herself be coddled, because after everything they'd dealt with in the last several hours, Leah thought she deserved it.
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