Chapter 5: Just Cry
Meredith sat on the cold tile in the bathroom of Cristina and Owen's apartment. The burger she finally requested didn't sit so well on her stomach and now she was sick. It was all getting really old, and she just wanted to rewind to a time when she wasn't sick and sleeping like a normal person. It was getting hard to walk through her day and it was tiring her out. First though, she needed to stop getting sick. "I...cheeseburger was a bad idea."
"Just like the pizza last week." Cristina sighed, holding a cup of water for Meredith to sip on. "Do you think it's all up?"
"Yeah." Meredith wiped her mouth with a washcloth.
"You look like crap."
"I figured." Meredith groaned, leaning against the tile bathtub.
"Next time we're starting with peanut butter and jelly."
"I ate a bowl of chicken soup...yesterday."
"You took two bites."
"I'm trying." Meredith bit her lip.
"Yeah." Cristina sighed.
"I am."
"I know."
"I know this is a bad time but...I need new pants."
"New pants? That's what your worried about?"
"They almost fell down this morning." Meredith smiled weakly.
"Drink this." Cristina shoved the cup of water into her hands.
"I just puked beef up...and you're telling me to drink?"
"Do you want another IV?"
"Fine." Meredith reached for the glass, wishing Cristina knew that she was really trying.
"I just..." Cristina shook her head.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"When we used to party and then hang out in the bathroom when we were sick...it used to be different than it is now." Meredith said quietly, before taking a sip of water.
"Well we weren't partying."
"Yeah..."
"Do you need anything?" Cristina asked without any emotion.
"No..." Meredith whispered.
"Let me guess...you're fine."
"Cristina..."
"You're fine. You're always fine. You don't need anything and you're fine. I'm tired of hearing it."
"Then don't listen." Meredith whispered.
"You need to stop lying to yourself and everyone around you."
"What am I lying about Cristina?" Meredith sighed.
"Being fine...You're not fine, Meredith! Your husband just died and all you can say is I'm fine while everyone around you is just watching you deteriorate!"
"I am fine!"
"Stop saying that!"
"I am." Meredith bit her lip, looking up at the lights.
"Bullshit!" Cristina almost shouted.
"Calm down." Meredith didn't want to fight, and she didn't get why Cristina was yelling.
"I don't know who this is!"
"I'm not doing anything." Meredith whispered.
"That's the problem!" Cristina stood up. "You're not you!"
'I am me." Meredith shrugged, focusing on the light fixture.
"Damnit..." Cristina groaned. "I want my friend back!"
"You don't have to yell."
"Then admit that you're not okay! You're husband died...Just...cry damnit!"
"We're not crying people." Meredith sighed. "You're not anyways...so why do you want me to?"
"Because your husband is dead!"
"Cristina..."
"Just...cry!" Cristina grabbed her friend's shoulders.
"Cristina!" Owen opened the door to the bathroom in the small apartment. "What the hell are you doing?"
"She's not okay! She needs new pants, she hasn't cried, she won't eat or sleep she's...she can't stay like this!" Cristina shook her friend's shoulders, not knowing what else to do.
"Cristina...stop it!" Owen pulled her off Meredith who was sitting in the same spot, not fighting back.
"She won't even fight back...she's..."
"She just lost her husband. Of course, she's not going to be okay."
"She's sitting there like she's the walking dead!" Cristina groaned.
"Get out of here."
"I'm trying to help her."
"Right now you're not helping."
"She's not bothering me." Meredith spoke up. It really wasn't bothering her because she was pretty sure she had lost feeling and it wasn't like Cristina would really hurt her physically.
"I'm sorry." Owen sighed as Cristina walked out of the bathroom, muttering to herself.
"I'm alright." Meredith said quietly, a week smile on the corner of her lips.
"She's a little out of her comfort zone with this."
"Yeah..."
"Maybe I should take you over to your sister's for the night."
"I can go to a hotel."
"Whatever your most comfortable with." Owen took the empty cup of water. It was refreshing to Meredith that someone was finally giving her a choice and that someone finally seemed to understand how she was feeling.
"I'll go grab my things."
"Alright."
"Thanks." Meredith said quietly, avoiding eye contact with him as she pushed herself up off of the floor.
"She'll come around eventually."
"Oh...I'm not really concerned."
"Let me know when you're ready to go."
"I will." Meredith walked right by him and into the spare room. She was used to being in Maryland and sliding into bed with her husband. Now he wasn't here and while there was a constant knot in her stomach, she couldn't break. It had been a month and now it was too late to start breaking. Cristina would understand. She was the queen of not breaking so she would get it soon. It would just take time and for now Meredith would just keep trying to breathe.