Chapter 8: A Night Out

An hour ago, Meredith was actually enjoying herself. She hadn't said much but having her sister and friends around her made everything feel easier. She couldn't hear her thoughts when everyone was around… Now, Lexie was making out with Mark in the corner… Cristina and Owen were sitting at a table nearby, and she was sitting alone at the bar, nursing a glass of water. She was debating going home but she didn't want to put a damper on the night. She didn't want to go sit in the quiet right now, because being out amongst people felt a little better. Cristina and Lexie weren't hounding her here and that made it all so much easier. She was still feeling dark, but at least nobody was trying to force her into talking here

"Hey babe..." A man stumbled over to the bar, an empty beer bottle in his hand and he gesture to the bartender for another one. "All alone, huh?"

"Yeah." Meredith winced at the smell of this man. She took the white napkin sitting under her glass and wiped the counter where the man dripped the last of his beer.

"Then, I guess it's my lucky night." He sat down on the stool next to her, nearly falling over.

"Would you mind leaving me alone?"

"A beautiful girl like you deserves some company."

"You smell disgusting." Meredith groaned.

"Let me get you a drink."

"No thanks." Meredith sighed, moving over a seat on the bar.

"Excuse me..." Derek sat down on the stool in between the drunk man and Meredith.

"Hey man..." The guy smirked, leaning forward.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my girlfriend alone."

"What?" Meredith looked up, her eyes going wide.

"Oh...I don't mess with girls that are taken." The man put his hands up and backed away. No, he more like stumbled away.

"Good idea."

"See ya." The guy laughed as he got his beer and walked away.

"Idiot." Derek muttered under his breath.

"You know...I can handle this myself." Meredith snapped, her fingers running over the small bar napkin.

"I know."

"I didn't need someone to jump in." She groaned, sipping at her water.

"I know." Derek repeated.

"Then butt out." She snapped, not wanting to deal with anyone at all. Not the drunk man and certainly not anyone who only kind of knew who she was.

"I wanted someone to keep me company."

"Then get a fucking dog." Meredith replied, looking into her purse. Her cell phone was in her purse somewhere and she would just call a cab or something

"Actually I was thinking of doing that."

"Good for you." Meredith replied dryly.

"I can't decide what kind though."

"Maybe you should go think about that." Meredith said quickly, looking over at him and pointing to another part of the bar. "Like over there."

"I'm good here." Derek looked back at her.

"No you're not." Meredith snapped as she turned to face him. 'You don't know me...you're not my friend, so stop. Stop acting like you're the answer to my problems. Stop acting like you're a great guy who was just in the right place at the right time with the ability to fix broken Meredith."

"I didn't think that I was."

"You stopped me from falling in the cafeteria...that's all."

"I'm going for a good Samaritan award."

"I bet you are." She groaned.

"Hungry?"

"No." Meredith said quickly.

"I'm starving."

"Then eat something." She shrugged.

"Joe...can I get a plate of fries?" Derek called to the bartender, waving him ever.

"Will do." Joe smiled, leaning against the counter. "Anything else to drink?"

"Just another water for her."

"Tequila please." Meredith intervened.

"Coming up." Joe nodded, walking away from them.

"I don't need someone to order for me and I'm getting really sick of water."

"Okay."

"Okay then." She mimicked.

"What kind of dog do you think I should get?"

"A quiet one." Meredith scoffed.

"So not one of those yappy ones."

"Nope."

"Good idea."

"Yep."

"I always wanted a dog when I was a kid."

"What are you doing?" She snapped, slamming her hand hard on the bar. She managed to not wince at all as she faced him.

"Having a conversation." Derek replied calmly.

"It's pretty one sided."

"I understand how you're feeling." He sighed.

"I..." Meredith stopped, looking at her half empty glass of water. She didn't know what to say when people said that. Actually, she didn't know how she was supposed to feel. "Stop."

"Here we go..." Joe walked out with a plate of fries. "I put some ranch and ketchup in the side...and here is the shot."

"Thanks Joe." Derek slid a couple of bills onto the bar.

"Not a problem." Joe smiled weakly before walking away.

"I lost my dad." Derek admitted to her.

"Mmm." Meredith looked at him before quickly downing the shot. She was being a bitch and as angry as she felt right now, maybe she wasn't in the right. Maybe she shouldn't be snapping but she just didn't want to be bothered. Everyone just bothered her right now. Everyone and their normal lives.

"I was just a kid but...I know how you feel."

"I'm sorry about your dad." She said quickly, staring at the plate of fries.

"I'm sorry about your husband."

"Hmm."

"Do you want some?" He reached for a French fry.

"No thanks."

"They're good."

"I'm sure."

"So Lexie said you're looking for an apartment?"

"I'm trying to." Meredith looked away.

"No luck so far?" He just wanted her to talk. He wanted her to feel normal again.

"Guess not."

"You'll find something."

"I need a job first."

"What do you do?"

"Speech therapist."

"Oh...wow."

"Not as impressive."

"As what?"

"Being a surgeon." Meredith said, before correcting herself. "A brain surgeon."

"It's just as important."

"You're chatty." Meredith shifted in her seat.

"But it's not a one-sided conversation anymore." Derek smiled.

"It's not a conversation...you asked me." Meredith looked down at the plate again.

"And you answered." He chuckled

"Of course." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Have some." Derek pushed the plate of fries closer to her.

"No..."

"I'm telling you...they're really good."

"I know." Meredith took a deep breath, staring at the plate.

"Just one."

"One...because of the tequila." She agreed. The last thing she needed was for one stupid shot of tequila to make her feel off balance.

"Okay." He smiled as she picked up a french fry and ate it slowly. "Good?"

"Yeah."

"Told you."

"They'd be better with cheese." She replied.

"We can order some."

"No..."

"Next time."

"One step at a time." She laughed nervously.

"Yeah." Derek smiled. "One step at a time."

"Um..." Meredith took a deep breath, looking around at the people in the bar. "Lexie and Mark are...enjoying themselves."

"That's for sure." He laughed.

"I want to leave." She frowned.

"I can give you a ride home."

"That's okay...I can wait."

"I don't mind. I was thinking of leaving myself."

"Oh um..." Meredith looked at Cristina across the bar and then Lexie. Neither one of them were looking for her so it was probably a good idea. She slid off of her stool, willing to go home. She was tired of being out and she didn't want to ruin the good time. So, she would just go home and Derek could take her. Not that she wanted to go anywhere with him, but if she wanted to go to bed or at least try, she needed to. "Okay."

"Thanks Joe." Derek called before they walked towards the door.

'Which car is yours?" Meredith asked, tying her jacket around her thinning waist.

"Black SUV." Derek pointed.

"I see it." Meredith looked across the busy parking lot.

"Am I taking you to Cristina or Lexie's?"

"Lexie's." Meredith replied, walking around to the passenger door.

"You got it." Derek smiled, getting in the drivers seat.

"Do you know where she lives?" Meredith asked, closing her eyes for a moment as a knot formed in her throat.

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Just a few minutes away."

"That's right." Meredith answered, staring out the window.

"Warm enough?"

"Yeah." Meredith blinked her eyes, realizing that the tequila shot was hitting her. She had only had two fries. There had once been a time when it would take a lot more than one shot of tequila for her to even feel a thing. She could only believe that the barely eating made it noticeable.

"Or too hot?"

"It's fine."

"Okay."

"Thanks for driving me back here..."

"It's not a problem."

"Hmm." Meredith ran a hand over her stomach.

"We're here." Derek turned off the car. Meredith hadn't even noticed that he had turned or that he had stopped until he shut off the engine and turned to her.

"Hmm..." Meredith looked up and then forward. This was definitely not Lexie's apartment, and it certainly wasn't where Cristina lived. It looked more like a diner. "Oh."

"You need to eat something."

"I ate."

"A few fries."

"That's how much I eat."

"Just...get something. I don't care what it is. A sundae...a burger...I can't take you home without getting you something to eat."

"What?" Meredith looked up again to find a sign for a burger joint.

"Come on."

"Oh." Meredith winced.

"Just a quick bite."

"Okay..." Meredith said slowly as she got out of the car.

"This was the first...well the second place I ate when I got to Seattle."

"Alright." Meredith whispered, walking slowly behind him.

"Greasy diner food is the best cure for anything that ails you."

"But there isn't anything wrong with me." Meredith sighed.

"I know."

"Then why are we here?"

"So we can eat." Derek shrugged, walking into the diner.

"Why are you hungry?"

"Didn't eat dinner."

"Oh." Meredith followed him and sat across him in a booth.

"Here." He smiled, handing her a menu.

"Thanks." Meredith's hands shook as she held the menu.

"Anything look good?"

"I...maybe I..."

"Hmm?"

"Maybe a BLT."

"If you don't eat the whole thing you can take the rest home."

"Yeah." Meredith swallowed.

"I think I'm going to get a chicken sandwich."

"Are you getting a milkshake?" Meredith asked, trying to not be so...boring. She had thought she would just go home and read or something, but Derek had wanted them to eat so she would try. She didn't want to inconvenience him.

"Sure."

"Hey guys. Welcome to Sammies." The waitress walked over, holding a small notepad close to her. "Our soup tonight is the French Onion and our dessert special of the evening is a New York Style Cheesecake with a chocolate malt syrup. Is there anything I can get for you?"

"I'll have a chicken sandwich...lettuce and tomato with no mayonnaise." Derek answered. "And a vanilla milkshake."

"BLT please..." Meredith handed the girl the menu before looking up, her eyes even more tired than before. "Strawberry Milkshake."

"Coming right up." The waitress smiled.

"Thanks." Meredith breathed, before resting her head in her hand as she looked out of the window.

"I don't usually eat this kind of stuff." Derek laughed.

"Then why did you want to come here?"

"I had a craving for it."

"Okay..." Meredith felt a knot in her stomach as she watched outside of the window, her mind feeling so blank again.

"Mark makes fun of me...says I'm a health nut."

"Are you?" Meredith asked.

"I don't think so."

"Oh." Meredith nodded.

"I've never been to Maryland."

"It's...not as rainy." Meredith replied. Seattle seemed too always be wet and cold.

"Worth visiting?" Derek asked.

"Depends on what you're going for."

"What do you like better? Seattle or Maryland?"

"You're chatty like Lexie." Meredith finally looked at him. Her eyeswere tired, and she looked so small to him.

"I can't tell if you think that's a bad thing or not." Derek smiled at her.

"Hmm."

"Here you go..." The waitress approached the table, placing the plates of food and the milkshakes down. "Let me know if you need anything else."

"Thanks." Meredith said quickly.

"I'll be back to check on you in a few." She smiled before walking away.

"Looks good." Derek unrolled the silverware.

"Mmmhmm."

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?"

"Yeah." Meredith stared down at the plate in front of her.

"Okay." Derek smiled, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite.

"I um...how much did you want me to eat?" Meredith suddenly felt nauseas again as her head became full.

"As much as you want."

"Okay." Sh

"You can have some of mine instead."

"No...it's not...I don't need yours." Meredith big her lip, putting her hand on her plate.

"Meredith..."

"What?"

"You don't have to eat it."

"I can..."

"Okay...but you don't have to."

"I just..." Meredith felt her breath get heavy as she stared at the plate and her eyes burned again. The tightness in her chest would pass, but still she knew she should eat. Bites here and there every day were not cutting it.

"What?" Derek breathed.

"Nothing." She bit the tears back, not letting the wetness she felt at the corners of her eyes fall.

"Okay."

"I'm relieved nobody is going to count the bites of what I eat here." Meredith said, before picking up her sandwich.

"You don't have to worry about that." Derek smiled softly.

"Okay." Meredith whispered, taking a deep breath as she picked up her sandwich.

"I'm going to make a quick phone call."

"Alright." Meredith smiled weakly as Derek stood up and pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

"I'll be right back."

"Alright." Meredith held the sandwich close as he walked away. Her hands were shaking, and she was sure that if she had another bite she would be sick. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her, but she was thinking she was just sick. The stress on her body was too much and now she couldn't eat. He would expect her to have eaten some, so Meredith tore her sandwich in half, got up and walked over to the diner trashcan to toss it in. It wasn't that she was lying; it was that she was too embarrassed to admit she was too sad to eat.

Grief and sadness are very strong emotions that can overpower you at any time... Right now, I know that it seems like Meredith is acting rude but please give her some time? She's actually making very good progress! Please let me know your thoughts!