Chapter 10: I Need Help

Derek Shepherd hated slow days at the hospital. There were a few consults and a couple of patients who needed to be checked up on but other than that, it was quiet. It gave him time to sit in his office and catch up on his paperwork. He hoped it meant that he would get home early and be able to take his new dog for a walk.

He was just pulling out another file when there was an unexpected knock on his door. "Come in!"

"Hi..." Meredith Grey walked in, causing him to look up at his desk. "I was...I was here for therapy, and I asked the nurse if you were here. I know that's random and if you want me to leave because you don't know me it's okay."

"No... no it's okay." Derek smiled up at her. The last thing he had expected was to see her in his office, but it was a welcome surprise.

"I had therapy earlier with Dr. Wyatt and Lexie got paged away."

"Come in."

"Are you busy?" She asked, sitting her purse on the floor.

"No." He shook his head, pulling up a chair to the other side of his desk.

"I was going to leave but I just didn't want to go back to the apartment and wait for Lexie to come home and stare at me like I'm falling apart."

"You can hide here. I won't tell."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Dr. Wyatt thinks my health is at risk." Meredith said as she looked through her phone. "She thinks I need help, but she gave me the chance to fix it before she wants to take it further. She thinks...she thinks that I can get help without going into the hospital that's why she's warning me now..."

"She's a good doctor."

"You're a doctor." Meredith looked up.

"Yeah...I am."

"So you can help me...right?" Meredith asked.

"If you want me to."

"Lexie thinks I need to be committed...Cristina is probably starting to think so and if Dr. Wyatt thinks I do next time she sees me...I don't think Psych will help. I don't think it's a good idea and they don't listen. Cristina and Lexie don't listen." Meredith explained then shrugged. "Normally Cristina is always on my side, but she's concerned so now she's not and I need someone who won't treat me like I'm a mess."

"I don't think you're a mess, Meredith." Derek said quietly.

"Thank you."

"I mean it."

"You don't think that?"

"No."

"I tell Lexie that." Meredith replied, leaning back in the chair.

"It takes time...to get over something like this." Derek closed the folders on his desk.

"It's not that I need to grieve or that I'm trying to deal...I'm just trying to live my life."

"That's all anybody can do."

"I don't need a hospital."

"I agree with you...but it's not for me to decide. I'm not your doctor." Derek agreed with her. She needed to know that somebody understood, not to shut her up in a hospital to help her move on.

"But you're a doctor."

"But you're not my patient."

"But you're a doctor." Meredith said quickly, almost pleading with her tired eyes. "I need you to help me."

"I will." Derek assured her.

"I need help..."

"What do you need?"

"That I don't know yet."

"I'm a patient guy." He smiled up at her.

"It's just that I haven't been around too many people. You're the only one who doesn't act like I might drop dead in front of you."

"Because I don't think you will."

"I won't." She said softly.

"I believe you." Derek reached across his desk, putting his hand over hers for a moment.

"I just..." Meredith pulled her hand away gently. "I need your help to get me better or something. My clothes are way too big...I can't eat...or sleep...and I know any normal person would need to go to the hospital at this point so just...help me before Lexie or someone takes over."

"If I was your doctor...the first thing I would do would be to get your sleep regulated."

"With the melatonin?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"There are other things that I would try first."

"Oh." Meredith looked down. "What?"

"Relaxation techniques."

"How does that work?"

"I'd have to do some research, but I remember from my other rotations...there are different breathing techniques...things like that."

"Okay." Meredith felt a little bit more relieved that he might be able to help her. She wasn't one to ask for help or a handout, but she couldn't be in the hospital. She knew that would make everything worse.

"I can look into it if you're interested."

"That would be great."

"I'll give the information to Dr. Wyatt."

"No..."

"No?" Derek looked up from making a note on a piece of paper in front of him.

"I want to do this separate from Dr. Wyatt."

"I...okay." He took a deep breath.

"I've lost thirteen pounds in two months...I need to do what I can." Meredith bit her lip.

"After your sleep is regulated, it should be easier to get back to a normal eating pattern."

"I try it's just...after my...after Will died, I thought the getting sick would go away. When Lexie's Mom died Lexie was throwing up for the first day or two, but I keep doing it. I get...my head gets full, and I can't eat."

"I get it."

"I need to do this because I need to get out on my own... I need to get a job, but I can't do that if I look like this."

"I'm going to make a call to an office down the street for you."

"About what?"

"It's a rehabilitation center...with a speech therapy program. One of the best in Seattle."

"Oh." Meredith leaned forward, shaking her head quickly. "I don't need a handout."

"It's not a hand out." Derek answered quickly. "It's just a call. The rest is up to you."

"Okay..." Meredith nodded. She was fine if she worked for it. She didn't want him to think that she needed him to do everything for her. She just needed his help as a doctor. He was a doctor. So was Lexie and Cristina… but she needed someone new. Someone who would help her.

"You give them your resume and do the interview...consider it a reference."

"Okay..."

"I want to help you."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"I don't ask for help. I hate people helping me but... I'm asking."

"Then I'll help you."

"Thank you." Meredith breathed.

"It's my job." Derek nodded, except something was telling him that it was more than that.

"I know but it's not...you're not my actual doctor so I appreciate it."

"I am now."

"I'm not admitting myself." She said quickly.

"I'm not asking you to."

"Oh...good."

"You're lucky...I'm a good doctor." Derek smiled.

"So..."

"Yeah?"

"What now?"

"Want to grab some coffee?"

"Oh...sure." Meredith took a deep breath.

"The coffee cart outside is the best?"

"Is it?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." She reached for her bag.

"Oh...before we go...I wanted to show you something." Derek reached into his desk drawer and handed her a pictured.

"What is it?" Meredith took the picture from his hand and looked down to find a picture of a small puppy. "Oh..."

"Cash."

"You got a dog." Meredith breathed, looking down at the dog who looked so little. Meredith found herself remembering Sylvester as a puppy. She missed her dog and she hated that she had offered him up.

"I got a dog...a very unhouse broken dog."

"Oh..."

"He probably peed all over the house when I get home."

"Right." Meredith stepped back, her heart sinking into her stomach.

"Mark named him."

"That's...great."

"So...coffee."

"I have to go." Meredith said quickly, her voice shaking slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot I had...and...I have to go." She turned around and walked towards the door.

"Meredith..." Derek frowned, walking around from behind his desk.

"I'll..." Meredith turned as she dropped her phone.

"Are you okay?" He hurried over to her.

"I just have to go."

"Okay..."

"I'm going to be...I have to go." She quickly opened the door and ran out.

"I guess we're not getting coffee." Derek sighed, watching her disappear down the hall. He didn't know what he had said or done to make her run, or if it had been anything but now, more than ever, he wanted to help her. He wanted to get her out of the place that she was. It was a place that he knew too well and one that he saw every day in the hospital when he had to give bad news to patients. He was willing to do whatever he needed to help her feel better.

So, Meredith finally asked Derek for help which is HUGE for her! However, when Derek showed her Cash it set her back a little...