Chapter 14: Learning to Live

Meredith stared at the fish tank as she always did when she sat in Dr. Wyatt's office. She was currently wondering what the hell she was doing sitting there. Therapy never seemed to go as well as she felt it should. She ended up just staring at the fish while Dr. Wyatt waited on her to speak.

"Meredith...you still haven't answered my question. Are you feeling any better?" Dr. Wyatt sighed, crossing her arms.

"Yes." Meredith answered, her voice quiet.

"I'm glad to hear it. You look better."

"I took the melatonin the past two nights." She whispered.

"And what happened?"

"I slept at least ten hours."

"And what about eating?"

"I...I've been trying to eat more than just a little bit each day."

"That's good." Dr. Wyatt nodded.

"Derek made me eggs and bacon. I got sick after because I started to get upset but I kept down my toast yesterday...three pieces."

"Derek?"

'Yeah..."

"Who is that?"

"A brain surgeon." Meredith answered. "He's a friend of Mark's... Mark is dating my sister. Derek is helping me."

"I see."

"Do you think he's helping you?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know."

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

"What?" Meredith looked at her, totally confused.

"Do you think therapy is helping you, Meredith?"

"I don't know."

"Can I ask what you and Derek did?"

"Why?" Meredith looked up, running her finger over her watch.

"I'm curious." Dr. Wyatt replied.

"He's letting me stay at the trailer on his land." Meredith answered.

"I see."

"He doesn't stare at me like Cristina and Lexie do."

"Or me?"

"I...yeah." Meredith shifted, uncrossing her legs.

"I'm not forcing you to stay here."

"I don't want to be committed."

"What if that was the best option for you?"

"It's not an option." Meredith replied, right back.

"Is there something going on with you and Derek?" Dr. Wyatt asked her.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Are you interested in him?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Meredith winced.

"You've barely met the man and you're staying with him, sharing personal issues with him."

"He's friends with my sister's boyfriend, my sister, my best friend's boyfriend, and my best friend."

"So...are you interested in him?"

"I..." Meredith shook her head. "My husband just died!"

"Maybe you're moving on out of grief and loneliness."

"No." Meredith put her finger up. "I'm not...I don't...I miss my husband."

"Then talk about that." Dr. Wyatt urged.

"I can't even believe that you would say that about Derek." Meredith shook her head in disbelief. "My husband died like...what...three months ago?"

"Yes."

"How can you sit there and say that?"

"It's my job."

"What do you want me to say?" Meredith asked, shaking her head. "Tell me and I'll say it."

"I'm not forcing you to stay here, Meredith." Dr. Wyatt repeated what she had told Meredith multiple times before. "You're not talking and you're not willing to get treatment voluntarily."

"Then tell me what to say!"

"I want to hear you say whatever it is you want to say."

"I miss my husband." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Meredith." Dr. Wyatt sighed. "Right now, the only option I see fit for you if you don't work with me, is inpatient treatment."

"I slept the last two nights..."

"With the aid of medication."

"A natural supplement according to you." Meredith argued. "You didn't even have to have something prescribed."

"Until you can eat normally and sleep without an aid, that option will be on the table."

"I have a lot on my mind." Meredith said dryly.

"That you can't seem to share with me."

"That..."

"Yes?"

"What do you want to know?" Meredith groaned, wanting nothing more than to storm out. For some reason, she couldn't.

"When you can't sleep at night...what are you thinking?"

"A lot of things."

"Such as?"

"How sick I feel...how there is nobody to joke with...about my dog."

"Tell me about your dog."

"Sylvester..."

"Mmhmm?"

"He was black and white...loud."

"How did he get his name?"

"I just randomly thought of it, and couldn't stop laughing...it stuck."

"Where is he?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"With Will's parents in Maryland."

"Why didn't you bring him with you?"

"I thought Will's Mom would want to keep him."

"That was nice of you."

"She was sad, and I thought she would need Sylvester."

"Do you wish that you had kept him?" Dr. Wyatt asked, sitting back in her chair.

"I think I did the right thing." Meredith shifted in her seat, ignoring the tears in the corner of her eyes as she remembered her dog.

"Do you wish you kept him?"

"Yeah." Meredith looked down at her hands.

"Pets can be very therapeutic. Have you considered getting a dog?"

"No."

"It's something to think about."

"I don't want another dog." Meredith looked up, pushing her hair back.

"What about volunteering to work with animals?"

"I really should get a job first."

"How is that going?" Dr. Wyatt questioned.

"Derek gave me a recommendation to a facility. They just had a full-time speech therapist position open." Meredith answered, looking down at her watch. "I have an interview next Friday."

"Wow. That's a big step."

"I just want a job."

"Well we're going to have to stop for today."

"Okay." Meredith took a deep breath.

"You did a great job today."

"Thank you." Meredith reached for her sand-colored bag and stood up.

"I'll see you next week."

"Alright." Meredith bit her lip, not wanting to cry.

"If you need to see me before then, give me a call."

"Right." Meredith rushed to the door.

"Have a good day."

"Thank you." Meredith paused, breathing in a deep sigh before walking out of the cozy room. She needed to get out of here before she started to think too much about Maryland and Sylvester. She missed her husband and life. She was going to have to learn how to live with life not being fair.