Jay Dallas, District Eleven (18)
It was really anyone's Games. The mountains of garbage and general debris gave the outliers both cover and supplies. There were even weapons buried all around the Arena. I didn't believe anyone actually threw away nearly-new swords. The Gamemakers just wanted to give us everything we needed for a spectacular Games. Everything I needed to get back to Flora.
No one ever talks about the constant unease of the Games. The fear they talk about but not the constant, haunting unease. I wasn't that scared of dying. Everyone's scared of dying but that wasn't what I thought about. It was the not knowing that got me. Walking through the Arena knowing that any single instant could be my last. I could die without even knowing what happened. I lay awake at night so exhausted from my own stress that I didn't have the energy to fall asleep. I wasn't afraid of the process of dying. I was afraid of the uncertainty of my existence. Here one moment, just… gone the next.
My first battle didn't change my mind. I wasn't even making any trouble. I saw the girl from Eight wandering by and waved at her to signal I didn't want to fight. She just came at me like a maniac. I tried to disengage and get away but she wouldn't stop. There came a turning point where I knew if I wanted to live I had to defend myself. It wasn't hard to kill her. I mean, it was hard to kill a human being, but it wasn't really hard to kill her in particular. She didn't even seem to have any strategy to her attacks. She didn't die right away when I stabbed her. I guess humans are more resilient than we look on television. I made sure she was dead before I left. Mostly I didn't want her to suffer but also I didn't want her to survive and come after me.
I thought a lot about Flora, especially at night. It seemed presumptuous to think she was sitting up waiting for me. People from Eleven didn't come back from the Games. She was a pretty girl with a lot of prospects. I didn't expect her to wait for me on her end. I just liked having something to cling to on my end. It made me happy to think about going home to someone who'd never gone through anything like this and could still be bright and happy. We could just be normal and have a normal family. I liked to think about her in the pretty blue dress with fake pearl buttons. It was always my favorite.
I knew eventually I'd see Allen again. We'd crossed paths in the Capitol and talked about allying. But then he heard about Sky's plan and wanted to join in and I hadn't had enough faith. It had seemed like such a fairytale ending. When Sky and Barley died in the Bloodbath I was grieved to be proven right. There were only four of us left when Allen and I met again. I could see he was thinking the same thing I was. First, that the Gamemakers would be angry if we didn't fight. Second, that he had someone to get home to.
Allen wouldn't get home to his someone because of me.
I thought hope was lost when Elara died, leaving just me and Rapture. I'd seen him in the Capitol. I couldn't hope to fight someone like him. So right away I started devising ways not to. I found a tall garbage spire and carefully climbed up on it with pocketsful of heavy throwable things I'd scrounged. I waited up there for hours, throwing stuff down now and then so the noise would attract Rapture. When Rapture investigated I threw a wrench frisbee-style at his head. He threw up an arm to protect his head and spared himself damage from my next projectile. The bad side of hitting him was that he looked up and immediately triangulated my position. He stumbled once on his way up and I knew at least I'd done some damage.
Up close I saw it was worse than I'd thought. One of Rapture's eyes was filmed over with blood and a trail of more blood streaked his cheek. He wavered as he got his footing on the top of the pile and came at me. Before he even reached me he was already stumbling on the uncertain terrain. It didn't stop him from slashing me down my side before I hardly knew he was coming. He was hurt but he was still a far better fighter than I was.
Every time I watched the tapes I was still surprised I won. I watched myself inexpertly trying to stand up to Rapture and just trying not to get slaughtered. I fell to the ground once after I stumbled over a pipe. Only a quick roll and a rather ignoble kick to the crotch kept Rapture from finishing it right there. Then I was back on my feet and we grappled near the edge of the mountain. I scored a minor blow and stabbed Rapture through the upper arm. Then all at once I saw my chance. I shoved my sword forward, leaning forward for extra distance. It was enough to overbalance Rapture and he fell backwards off the top of the mountain. The sword sliced through his arm when he hit the slope hard. He kept tumbling all the way down, hitting random debris and opening the already ugly wound further. I didn't know if it was blood loss or blunt trauma that killed him, but his cannon sounded as he came to rest at the base of the mountain.
When the train door opened Flora was the first face I saw. She ran up and clung to me like I was her husband back from the war. The Capitolites lost their minds over the chance to throw a fairytale wedding. It was all pretty gaudy for me and Flora but we appreciated the thought. Thirteen months later the fuss had died down and we welcomed our daughter Fawn into the world in the privacy of our cozy home. The Capitolites had already moved on to fussing over the newest Victor who had just arrived. In the peaceful solitude of the Victors' Village I could enjoy the company of my simple, normal family.