I'm so sorry for the late update, I never expected this chapter to take so long to write :/ I have no excuse.
Thankings:
krikanaloBlackPaperMoon82462 and L.A.B.B Murder Cases for commenting again ^^ and also thanks to Hermione Voldemort Riddle for the new follow. And as always thanks to Flik98 for being a gnome monster (good friend).
Okay so this is a pretty random chapter it's more of a fill in than anything else, just to introduce the other characters and such.
Ages: Secret is 11 right now almost 12. Mello is 12, Matt is 11 and Near is 10. I think B's around 17 or 18 or something I don't actually know o.O
This is where the timeline goes a bit off, because I know B actually ran away from Wammy's house in may or march (can't remember exactly o.O) and its around December in the story, that's because I wanted more time for Secret to settle in and stuff.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with the manga, anime, movies or books related to Death Note (although I do own my own Death Note because I am secretly a Shinigami KYAHAHAHA!) I also do not own Gameboy or Rubix.
I only own my OC Secret Bob (minus the 'Bob') and this story.
(Are my attempts at humor failing o.O)
Okay ... ENJOY!
CHAPTER IV
I stirred my cereal around my bowl creating swirl patterns with the now chocolaty milk.
A was gone, and now B had left. The two people I had begun to care about since I woke up weren't here anymore. Although I was surrounded with all the busy kids of the orphanage, laughing and playing - I'd never felt more alone.
Even when I woke up those few days ago, those few days that felt like a life time, they were all I had to remember from my life time anyway.
This time the loneliness hurt much more, this just didn't feel like plain loneliness, this felt like abandonment.
"Matt!" I heard Roger shout as he burst into the dining hall holding a red-haired boy by the scruff of his red and black striped T-shirt. "Will you please SHUT UP!" He said as he tossed the boy into one of the dining chairs at another table.
Roger then rubbed his hand on his trouser leg like the boy had had some kind of disease and wanted to get the germs off his hand.
The boy pouted at Roger and picked up his GameBoy which had been dropped on the floor.
Everyone in the room had looked up from their breakfast to watch the disturbance as it happened.
"Aw man! He made me lose my game!" 'Matt' complained loud enough to be heard from this side of the room. A few of the kids on his table burst out laughing at this.
Roger frowned at Matt then but didn't shout at him or anything.
Instead Roger lightly slapped a blonde haired boy who looked about my age, that was sitting in the chair next to where Roger had thrown Matt, on the shoulder to gain his attention.
"Come on, I want to talk to you privately." Roger said to the blonde haired boy.
I saw the boy frown "What did I do?" He complained, obviously assuming he was in trouble.
I continued to watch as Roger rolled his eyes and turned away gesturing for the blonde haired boy to follow him, and they both left the room together.
I sighed and turned back to my now soggy cereal. I pulled a face and pushed it away. I wasn't hungry anyway.
I stood up slowly and headed out of the dinner hall.
As soon as I was back into the corridors I made a quick dart to my room.
I stood with the bedroom door to my back. I bent my head down and let out a long sigh.
I slipped down the door and ended up sitting on the floor, I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them.
No, I wasn't going to cry. I planned on being strong from now on.
I was on my own: well fine! If everyone wanted to leave me - let them.
I lifted my head and looked around the room. My curtains were still closed, so it was quite dark in here, but there was enough light peeping from around the sides of the window so that I wasn't scared or anything.
I stood up quickly and straighten my back.
"I can cope on my own." I whispered to myself, "I don't need no one!"
I took in a deep breath and held myself up repeating those words I had just said to myself in my mind a few time.
I bit my lip and sighed. I brought my arm to my mouth and started to chew on the end of my sleeve nervously - already doubting myself.
Who was I trying to kid?
Myself? Well that hadn't worked. now had it?
I went over and sat on my bed.
I did need someone.
No, I didn't need just anyone.
I needed B. I needed A.
I lay back on my bed, rubbed my hand over my face and sighed.
I brought my sleeve to my face and started to chew it again.
I'd have to wash this top pretty soon anyway, it already smelt.
But there was still the slight linger of B's scent there, something that would be gone if I washed it.
I sighed and sat up.
I looked around the room, there was a pile of new clothes I had been brought this morning on my desk. I'd been told they were just a few things that had been rounded up around the orphanage from the other girls, so they weren't actually new, but they were new to me.
I pushed myself up from the bed and slowly made my way across the room to my desk.
I pulled a pink T-shirt from the pile and held it up. It was just a plain thing, nothing printed on it or anything.
I suppose I was glad of this though, I wouldn't want anything with a picture of a bunny or anything on it or 'COOL' written across the chest as I had seen some girl wearing this morning at breakfast - they would just make me look babyish or stupid.
I bit my lip and placed the T-shirt back on the desk while I pulled B's top off over my head. Then I pulled the new top on. It fitted well enough, but it was only short-sleeved.
I began rooting around the pile until I found a black hooded jacket and then I pulled that on too.
I finished getting changed into my new clothes and picked up the rest I hadn't put on.
I'd have to find somewhere to put these.
I walked quickly over to my chest of drawers and put my things on top of it.
I pulled open the top drawer and put all my tops from the pile in there.
I then pulled out the second drawer.
I jumped slightly as I heard something roll around the drawer. I frowned. What had someone left in there?
I peered inside the drawer.
I sighed with relief as I saw a little blue marble roll out.
I picked up the marble with my thumb and forefinger.
"You gave me a fright little marble." I muttered to it.
I twisted the marble around in my fingers seeing how it looked slightly different as it hit the light.
I looked back in the drawer because it had sounded like there was defiantly more than one in there.
I used my other hand to brush the other marbles from the back of the drawer to where I could see them.
There was six of them, including the one I had in my hand.
I frowned as I picked the rest up as well and held them all in the palm of my hand.
I frowned at them all, why would someone leave six little marbles in a drawer?
I shook my hand and slid the marbles into my jean poked so I could finish putting my clothes away.
I brushed my fringe away from my eyes and then went over to the window and pulled open the curtains.
The snow had stuck to the ground today. I smiled slightly, at least that was one thing that hadn't left me yet.
I watched as a couple of the other kids from the orphanage, two girls that looked slightly younger than me, rolled snow around to build a snowman.
They giggled as they did this. One of the picked up some extra snow from the ground and threw it at the other one, they both laughed and continued messing around in the snow.
I sighed, they were so care free. I envied them.
I pulled on a pair of gloves and a scarf I had left out and left the bedroom.
I darted through the corridor quickly and ran outside.
The snow was quite deep now and it came up above my ankles.
I shivered from the cold and stepped forward, my feet sinking into the freezing snow. I looked around, I'd never seen the gardens in proper daylight, and it wonderful to finally do so.
The light sparkled off the snow and made the place even more bright.
I saw the two girls I'd seen from the window run past me and ran to join a group of other small children.
There was quite a lot of people outside playing in the snow.
The younger kids were making snowmen and snow angels while some of the older kids were having a snowball fight.
I moved away from everyone, not wanted to somehow become involved in said snowball fight.
I ended up wandering off to the tree line where B had been yesterday when I found him.
I sighed as I stared at the exact same spot where he had been sitting.
I kicked the snow away and sat down under the tree on the soggy grass.
I slipped my hand in my pocket and pulled one of the marbles out.
It was a red one.
I smiled at it and lay it on the ground next to me.
I closed my eyes.
Now, just for a while, I could pretend that the presence I was feeling created by the marble, was B, and I wasn't alone anymore.
"Miss...em...you there!" I heard a shout coming from the house.
My eyes fluttered open, I hadn't been asleep, just zoned out, but the shouting had disturbed that for me.
I looked up so see if I could figure out where it was coming from.
"Miss...Secret!" I heard the shout then, I now recognised the voice to me Roger's.
I looked over to the window I knew to be Roger's office. I suddenly saw him leaning out of the window looking straight at me.
I frowned.
"Come inside, you have a phone call!" He called over to me.
A phone call? For me? Who would possibly be calling me? It wouldn't be B, he wouldn't risk ringing here so soon after running away, he's still be in the area.
I stood up and nodded to Roger to tell him I'd be in soon.
I made my way inside as quick as I could. I wanted to know what this mysterious phone call was about, and who exactly was calling me.
I knocked on he door of Roger's office and waited for him to say I could come in.
As soon as he had done so, I twisted the doorknob and cautiously peeked around the door.
Last time I was in this room was the first night I was here, I'd been with A that time so I didn't know what to expect while I was on my own. I didn't think Roger would shout at me, it was only over a phone call after all but he'd seemed pretty snappy with those two boys this morning.
Roger didn't say anything. He simply lift the phone for me to take out of his hand.
I bit my lip and held the phone to my ear.
"Hello." I muttered nervously down the phone.
"Hello, this is L." came the reply.
L.
I froze.
"Em..." I muttered stupidly.
This was L I was talking to. The person who B had left in order to achieve revenge on. The person who had driven A to point where he could handle no more.
But why was he calling me?
I heard L sigh on the other side of the line, obviously slightly annoyed with my response.
"I'm calling you about the subject of B's resent disappearance." He then explained without me needing to ask anything.
Oh, so this was about B.
Well I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone asked me about it.
I'd been the last one to see him that night, that much was pretty much common knowledge.
It was so weird though, his voice sounded familiar.
Where had I heard it before?
"On the last couple of days up to him running away you were seen with him many times. Naturally this had made me wonder if you know anything about where he has gone." L continued.
I bit my lip. "He told me he was running away but nothing about where he was going." I told L.
It wasn't a lie or anything. B really hadn't gave me any clue to where he would head to after he left Wammy's.
"Oh." L seemed to pause "Did he give any hint to the reason to why he was going to leave?"
"No." I muttered "He didn't."
That time was a lie. He had told why he was leaving. But I wasn't about to tell L that.
There was a long pause on the other end of the line.
"Okay then, thank you for your time S." L said and then hung up the phone.
I frowned.
Was that all he wanted?
I then shrugged to myself and pulled the phone away from my ear and handed it back to Roger.
Roger nodded at me and then gestured for me to leave.
I bit my lip and did as I was told.
I stood outside the door of Roger's office for a little while longer.
I frowned.
Where had I heard L's voice before?
Was it possible I knew him before I'd lost my memory?
No, it was defiantly more recent than that.
It was afterwards I was sure. Which would mean that I would have already met L.
But I hadn't, had I?
I shook my head and started to make my way down the corridor.
L. How do I know you?
I searched my short memory rapidly. Trying to recall every voice I'd heard, every face I'd seen since I'd woke up in that hospital.
Suddenly B's face popped into my head. No it wasn't him I was sure of that, but it wasn't just B that came to mind, it was something he said.
'Maybe the best way to beat L...is to copy him.' He'd said.
To copy L. B had done something then. He's hunched himself over and stood differently. Doing that had reminded me of someone too back then. But I still hadn't figured out who that was either.
Was that person L?
I came to my bedroom and opened the door while still deep in thought.
I carried on trying to remember, but I couldn't.
I replayed everything he had said to me in my mind, including the last thing he had said.
'Thank you for your time.' No that wasn't all it, he'd said something extra.
'S' - He's called me S.
I frowned. I'd never said to anyone I wanted to be called that.
But someone had already...
Suddenly I realised.
The only other person who had called me that was Eru.
I pictured the man now, with his messy black hair and his dark rimmed eyes and his...hunched over back!
That was it!
Eru was L.
I sat on my stomach on the bed with my feet up the air.
I twisted a tiny green coloured marble in between my thumb and forefinger.
I bit my lip.
"You can be A." I muttered to the marble as I placed it back down in the line of marbles in front of me on the bed.
I pushed the little blue one back into the line as it rolled forward slightly.
I smiled at it. "sneaking off again little blue one, you're just like me." I said to it.
Anyone looking in would think I was crazy, talking to marbles like that. But I didn't feel crazy.
I knew it was just coincidence that I found these little round glass balls on the same day I was left alone, but for some reason I think I was meant to find them.
They can represent the important people now.
The blue one was myself. It was my game, my life, I should get a marble.
The red one was B. Red like strawberry jam.
The green one was A. The same colour as his eyes.
Which left three more.
A black one, a white one and a clear one.
I picked up the black one and held it in the palm of my hand.
"Should L get a piece in my little collection?" I asked myself.
If I gave him that marble it would make him an important person too. Well I guess he was already.
But that didn't necessarily mean it was the good sort of important.
I bit my lip. It felt weird now. Finally realising who he was.
It was like I didn't dislike him anymore.
Eru had seemed so harmless. L had caused A his last depression.
These too people were one in the same?
I put the marble back in the line.
L gets a place.
That was decided, but kind of part he played in my life was still yet to be.
I brushed the marbles together and picked them all up in a handful.
I rolled over onto my back and pushed the marbles back into my pocket.
The hatred I'd been feeling towards L was now faint. Now that I figured I already 'knew' him, somehow things changed.
I tugged A's blanket down from my headboard of the bed where I'd left it.
I hugged it to me and ran my finger over the embodied gothic style 'A' in the corner of it. I traced my finger over every curve and line of the letter.
"Can you see it? Can you see what your friend is doing for you, A?" I muttered to the blanket as if it was A himself.
"He could put himself in danger, and he would if it came to it." I continued to mutter.
I suddenly felt a tear well up in the corner of my eye. I bit my lip and buried my face in the blanket letting it soak up the tear.
"I don't know if I approve of B's revenge on L." I said through the blanket. "Do you approve A?"
I shook my head quickly.
I was being stupid.
This blanket my have belonged to A, but it wasn't A.
I could talk to it all I wanted, it couldn't answer for him.
"I've already lost A." I then said to myself "To let B walk himself into danger like he's doing..."
I shook my head again "I don't want it, I want him back. I want B to change his mind and come back safe."
I sat up and pulled the blanket up with me.
I sighed.
I couldn't do anything about B now though could I? He was gone, I didn't know where, and I had no way of contacting him. But what I was getting at though was that, despite what B had said about me never seeing him again, I still wanted the option there. I'd never see A ever again, he was gone forever. I just wanted so that if I looked for B, I'd be able to find him, alive.
I stood up slowly and held the blanket tight against me.
I needed it with me still, I wasn't ready to put it down, just like I was wasn't ready to let go of A.
I carried the blanket with me as I left my room. I didn't care if people saw me with it and thought I was childish, that was their problem.
I wandered through the corridor slowly, they seemed pretty empty anyway. Everyone must have been outside playing in the snow, or tucked away in their warm rooms.
Then, before I knew what I was doing properly, I was standing outside A and B's room.
I looked up at the door and pulled the blanket closer to me.
Did I dare?
How would it make me feel? Better or worse?
I lifted my hand and rested it on the doorknob.
Would I even be allowed to go in?
I bit my lip and slowly twisted the handle.
I pushed the door open and peered into the room.
A small boy with white hair sat on the floor with a half complete jigsaw-puzzle laid out in front of him.
He stopped what he was doing, his hand mid-air with a puzzle piece in between his fingers, as I saw into the room and he looked up at me.
The boy stared at me, no expression on his face whatsoever.
I frowned. Who was he and what was he doing in A and B's room?
But instead of asking him these questions I just mumbled out a completely stupid "Em...Hello."
The boy continued to stare at me for a moment longer before replying.
"Hello." He muttered.
He looked back down at his puzzle then and slotted the piece that was still in his hand into place.
The puzzle was strange. It had no picture on it at all, it was all just plain white pieces with nothing at all to indicate whereabouts the piece should be on the puzzle.
For me that would make the puzzle near impossible, but this boy seemed to be coping with it just fine.
I stepped into the room fully and closed the door behind me with a gentle click.
The boy simply continued with his puzzle and did not look at me at all again.
I stood there for a few moment not saying anything. I frowned at the boy. I wasn't sure if he was ignoring me or just not bothered about me being there.
"What exactly are you doing in here?" I finally asked.
"Finishing my puzzle." He answered blankly.
I raised one of my eyebrows. "I mean, why are you in this room?" I then said rephrasing my question.
"Roger put me in here." He answered "L brought me here a few day ago and I've been staying in with two other boys. But it was too crowded and one of them and I weren't getting along."
I frowned at his explanation. That would mean that Roger had made the room this boys new bedroom. But this was A and B's room! He couldn't do that!
"You do know what happened in here, right?" I muttered to the boy.
I held the blanket still in my arms even closer as i brought up the topic of A. I breathed in A's scent still lingering in the fabric.
I saw the boy nod, still not peeling his eyes away from his puzzle for a single second. He put two another blank pieces into place one after the other.
"If you are referring to the suicide of L's first successor taking place in this room, then yes, I am aware of that." He answered.
I didn't like the way he had answered that then.
He said it so casually, like it meant nothing at all. The way he had spoken about A, calling him 'L's first successor', as if that's all he was, like he was nothing else at all, not even his own person.
But I guess that's how people knew him around here, unless they had gotten to know him.
"His name was A." I muttered through clenched teeth.
I didn't want to say anything else. I felt that if I had said all the things that I was thinking then I may not have been able to control my emotions.
The boy didn't say anything, or even nod.
I tilted my head to one side slightly. This boy was strange. The way he was sat on the floor was strange and just the way he was acting in general was just plain...strange.
I watched as he slotted the last couple of puzzle pieces into the place. He stared at the finished puzzle for a few seconds before finally sitting back and looking up at me.
"Have you finished your business here?" He asked out of nowhere.
I frowned. "No, I haven't." I said to him.
I didn't actually have any business here at all, but I had no intention of leaving just because he was here. This was A and B's room, not his!
"Could you please leave anyway." He then said.
I raised an eyebrow and folded my arms while still holding the blanket up.
I didn't move.
The boy stood up slowly. For a moment I thought he'd try to force me out the room, but instead he picked up the puzzle board off the floor and shuffled over to the bed that had been B's and climbed onto it to sit down.
He placed the puzzle board down in front of him carefully, and looked at it as if it was his prized possession.
He didn't say anything more, and he didn't ask me to leave again.
"This is still A and B's room." I muttered to him "I suppose I don't mind you 'borrowing' it, but they'd let me stay in here so I think you should."
The boy nodded slowly and said nothing.
So I took that as an okay for me to stay.
I sighed and shuffled across the room to A's bed and sat myself down on it.
"What's your name anyway?" I asked him then, as I stared at him on the other side of the room to see what he's do now.
"Near." He told me and he lent across the bed and picked up a Rubix Cube from the bedside table.
He then began twisting the cube around trying to solve it.
Within what seemed like seconds he's already completed two sides of it.
I bit my lip and continued to watch in amazement.
"Well my name's Secret." I told him as I sat back on the bed and get myself comfortable.
Near nodded.
He then quickly finished the puzzle cube and held it in his hand staring at it like he had just found that boring and un-challenging.
I bit my lip again. I still couldn't get over how fast he had solved it.
"Can I have a go?" I asked him referring to the cube.
He solved it like it was nothing but a baby toy, I wanted to see how I'd be able to cope with it.
Near looked up at me and the back down at the cube, and then at me again.
He looked at me like I'd just asked him for the last piece of a cake.
But then he sighed and held it out for me to take, although he only looked barely willing to do this.
I put A's blanket down besides me on th bed and stood up and crossed the room. I plucked the cube out of Near's hand and stared at it.
It was weird now I was holding it. It wasn't heavy at first but the longer I just stared at it the more weight it seemed to gain, which was impossible.
"Can you mix it up for me?" I asked Near as I held out the cube back to him.
He'd already solved it so there was nothing for me to do unless he mixed up the coloured squares again.
Near took it out of my hand again and twisted the puzzle around until the coloured squares where back in a random order. Then he gave it back to me.
I started twisting it around then like Near had done attempting to match up the colours.
But after about a minute of only getting three coloured squares of the same colour onto a side, I got frustrated.
I stopped what I was doing and frowned at the cube.
Near was watching me the whole time, which then made me feel pressured.
I finally sighed and handed the cube back to Near and told him I couldn't do it.
He'd made it look so easy! But it wasn't.
I sat back down on A's bed and pulled the blanket up onto my lap.
I watched as Near solved the cube again in no time at all and then put it back on the table where it had been before. He then tipped the pieces of his puzzle onto the bed besides him and then started picking them up again and putting them in various places on the board.
Was this all he did in his spare time? Surely he must get bored with doing the same thing over and over again, and it wasn't even like he was getting rewarded with the complete picture after he did the puzzle, it was just plain white all over.
Me and Near sat like this in silence for quite a while not saying anything or looking at each other the whole time.
I began tracing the 'A' on the blanket again with my finger.
"Well then A," I muttered to the blanket as I sighed "There's not much to do around here, is there, I wish I could go and find B to bring him back but I think it's best if I stay here for now." I was whispering so quietly so Near wouldn't be able to hear me.
But he must have noticed me doing this anyway because I saw him look up and my and frown.
"Why are you talking to that blanket?" He asked me.
I looked at him for a moment, how could I word this so he would understand?
"Well A gave it me before he..." I paused, I didn't want to say it.
"Yeah so, it's all I've got left of him now." I told Near.
Near frowned and cocked his head slightly, which suddenly reminded of B when he did that.
I bit my lip and waited for him to say something.
"A blanket can't really listen to you, you know." He said.
He said it in a way that made it sound like he thought that I actually thought the blanket had ears or something.
I frowned. Of course I knew it couldn't listen, did he think I was stupid? I talked to it for comfort. I couldn't talk to the real A anymore after all.
I felt like shouting at him and saying that I wasn't an idiot if course I knew that! But I held myself back.
"Well I suppose," Near then began to say "If I lost a friend I wouldn't know how I'd cope. I guess that's just your way of coping."
I tilted my head. I hadn't expected him to say anything like that at all. It was almost like he had sympathy for me.
"Not that I have any friends to lose." He then muttered very quietly to himself, only just loud enough for me to catch what he was saying.
I suddenly felt sorry for him. He clearly hadn't said it because he wanted me to do so, and that probably why I did.
My friends might have been gone now, but at least I'd had some, he made it sound like he'd never knew what friendship was.
"I could be your friend." I suddenly said to him.
Near frowned "It would be pointless only forming a friendship from pity." He said.
It was weird though, it wasn't just out of pity, I'd liked being in here with him. I had company, but he would leave me to my thoughts which I liked about him.
I pouted "It's not out of pity." I said he to him. Which was sort of a lie, because it sort of was, but like I had just said, there was more to it.
I stood up and picked up A's blanket. Then I paused and put the blanket down again on the bed.
"Can I leave him here, I don't want to get him dirty because I want to go outside now." I said to Near.
He nodded to say it was okay. "Thanks, I'll come get it later." I muttered.
I wanted to go back outside in the snow now. Although I liked Near's company now, as I had said, I now think I wanted to be alone for a little while.
Like I had said to Near, I didn't want to get the blanket dirty. I know I could have took it back to my room now, I would have saved the bother of disturbing Near again later, but it felt right leaving A's blanket, on what used to be A's bed. Also I think Near would keep it safe.
I shuffled across the room and headed for the door.
I stopped just as I was leaving.
"I'll make you think of me as a friend some day soon Near." I promised him.
Near made a face that told me that he thought I wouldn't be able to, but at the same time he was going to let me try.
I left the room then, leaving Near and his jigsaw-puzzle in peace.
I stepped outside and began looking around for a spot away from the other people.
The younger kids were still playing quite close to the entrance to the house obviously not wanted to wonder to far away incase there was trouble.
A few of the slightly older kids where further away, messing around in the space up to the edge of the gardens.
After seeing there was nowhere in the immediate area for me to go which was far enough away from everyone else as I would have liked, I darted for the trees.
I stepped into the woods and carried on a little further. Although we weren't suppose to go beyond the treeline itself, I didn't feel like I wanted to stay in view of the house.
I walked through the maze of trees until The Wammy House was out of sight.
I then stopped and leaned against a tree.
There wasn't as much snow on the ground in here. A lot of it seemed to have been stopped by the barrier of the tree canopy.
I kicked at the ground, flicking bits of mucky snow and dead leaves up into the air.
"Hey, you're that kid that A brought home." I suddenly heard someone say.
I looked up quickly and found the person who had spoken.
It was that boy from this morning at breakfast. The one with the reddy brown hair who Roger had been shouting at. Matt his name was.
I paused for a second before nodding.
Matt smiled at me. He was also leaning against a tree just a few metres away from me. It was a wonder how I hadn't actually noticed him there any earlier.
He then, to my surprise pulled out a cigarette and started smoking it. I almost gasped.
He only looked around my age, what was he doing smoking so young!
But I guessed that explained why he was so far out in the trees, probably so no one who see.
I'd seen, but he obviously trusted me not to tell anyone else.
"Have they named you?" Matt then asked after a little while.
I nodded "Yeah, I'm called Secret."
Matt nodded then. He asked that in a way that sounded like it was something everyone got here. I got a new name because I couldn't remember my old one, right? But he'd made it sound like everyone just got a new name, even the kids who already had names.
"My names Matt." He then told me.
I smiled "Yeah, I know." I said to him "I heard Roger shouting at you this morning."
That should explain to him how I already knew his name perfectly, after all Roger had shouted it across the dinner hall pretty loudly.
Matt let out a laugh. "Yeah." He muttered and let out a sigh and then continued chuckling to himself. Which made me wonder what exactly he had been in trouble for, and why thinking of it amused him so much. But I didn't ask.
He then slowly stopped laughing and went back to his cigarette.
I sighed and slid down the tree. I sat down on the wet ground and pulled my knees up to me and hugged them to block out the cold.
"So," I heard Matt then say to me, holding out the 'o' sound in the word.
I looked up at him and made a 'hmm' sound to show him I was listening.
"Are you going to go to A's funeral?" Matt asked. All humor in his voice completely got now.
I sighed loudly. "I don't know." I told him.
I hadn't really thought about A's funeral that much, I know it would make me cry if I did.
"I don't know if I could cope." I muttered.
I'd probably break down emotionally again if I went there and had to listen to everyone else talking about A and his death. they'd talk about his life, before I knew him. I'm not sure I wanted to hear about that, I didn't know how long he'd suffered from his depression, I didn't want to hear other people probably talking about how no one had picked up on it and that he always seemed fine. I saw it in B's eyes when he talked about A. B had clearly picked up on his depression so why hadn't everyone else? Why hadn't L, so he could go easy on him?
"Did you know A very well?" I then asked Matt.
"No." He told me. "No one really got close to him other than B. A was always off training with someone, L when he was here or someone else when he wasn't."
I heard Matt sigh "But I respected him a lot, for holding himself so long after all he went through."
I sniffed in to hold back a sob.
"He was first in line to be L's successor after all," Matt continued "Roger was alway hard on him, he's hard to all potential successors." He told me.
I saw Matt bite his lip. "I was meant to be a potential successor." He then muttered almost only to himself "For the fourth generation, second behind Mello."
Matt was meant to be a successor? But was so different from both A and B. And who was Mello?
"Why is there so many generations of successors?" I asked Matt.
It had been something I was wondering since B had mentioned it what seemed to like ages ago, but in reality was only yesterday.
Matt shook his head, "Just different attempts to try to make someone as close to L as possible. They kept the first generation as the first successors if something were to happen to L. But they second and third were a bunch of idiots." He said "They practically don't exist anymore. Now they're trying at a fourth."
I nodded, that had been what B had said. But now that they was no first generation anymore, and after what Matt had just said, I guess that made the fourth generation successors the only potential successors.
"I guess Mello's first in line now." Matt bit his lip. "I turned down second, good job too, Mello's place is already threatened. Thirds not the best title to hold around here." He muttered.
So this 'Mello' was meant to be the smartest kid around here now? But Matt just said his place was threatened, but by who?
I didn't bother asking, I'd actually like to find out myself soon enough.
I then looked up at the sky. It was getting close to dusk already.
I stood up and told Matt that I was going back to the house.
He nodded and muttered a 'see you later'.
I made my way back to The Wammy's house just in time to see some of the other kids heading in as well.
I suddenly smelt food cooking and my stomach rumbled.
I guess it must have been dinner time.
I stopped by at A and B/Near's room on the way back from the dinner hall.
I knocked a few times and after no answer I peaked inside.
Near wasn't there, so I went in and got A's blanket and left quickly so not to let anyone catch me sneaking around in other people's rooms.
I then darted quickly back to my room and switched on the light.
I closed the curtains and got changed into my pyjamas.
First though I pulled the marbles out of my jeans pocket and placed then in a little dish on mu bedside table so safe keeping.
I plucked the little white marble out of the bowl and smiled at it.
"Maybe you could be Near one day." I muttered to the marble.
Maybe it could. But not yet, I still wanted to make sure that this boy would be allowed to play a part in my life. I had a feeling that he would, but I wanted to be a hundred percent positive first.
I put the marble back on the rim of the dish and watched it roll down and knock into the other marbles causing them to scatter around slightly.
I switched my bedside lamp on and then went and switched my main light off.
I then lay down on my bed and hugged A's blanket to me.
I sighed.
Did I really want to sleep?
"What's that Sky?" The dream voice muttered spinning around me coming from all directions.
I closed my eyes tight shut and tried to ignore it.
"Oh, she's all alone now." The voice muttered "Everyone's gone and left you little Sky."
I shook my head. Was this voice actually...taunting me? Making fun of me because everyone was gone?
I heard the voice chuckle as it echoed around me.
"Look what happened to your friend, the one whose star went out." The voice then said "Don't you want revenge?"
"No, go away." I muttered to the voice.
I didn't want it to say anymore. I didn't want to know what it had to say, not after last time.
The voice laughed loudly booming around me.
"Somethings going to happen." It said
"And she doesn't want to know what." I gasped, this was different voice, a less raspy one.
There were two of them!
"You should get revenge little Sky." The first voice whispered.
"No she shouldn't." I looked up then.
It was another new voice. But this one...sounded familiar.
I heard both on the previous voices hiss out.
"Wonder, The little Secret Wonder." The voice said.
Right then I realised it was A's voice I was hearing.
He'd said something like that on the night he had brought me to The Wammy's House.
"Don't listen to the voices Secret, be strong, don't listen." A whispered to me.
"Go away!" I suddenly heard other of the other voices shout.
"Begone!" The second then joined it.
"No A don't leave me!" I shouted into the black.
There was a moment of complete silence where non of the voices said anything. And then...
"He already did." The harsh voice whispered and then laughed.
"A!" I shouted as I woke up.
I gasped as I realised that the dream was already gone.
No I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to dream.
I sat up quickly and rubbed my hand over my face.
Would I ever be able to have a peaceful nights sleep? These dreams hadn't let me have one yet.
I stood up.
My bedside lamp was still switched on from when I'd left like that before I went to sleep. I was glad I'd left it on, I don't know what I would have done if I'd woke up in the dark.
I grabbed A's blanket off the bed and held it tight against me.
A had spoken to me in my dream. No, it couldn't have been A, A was gone. It was just my imagination. Just part of a dream. Just a stupid dream.
I felt a tear well up in the corner of my eye. It had seemed so real. Like it was A, really there. Well his voice anyway. Like it had somehow gotten in my dream.
I bit my lip.
I didn't want to go back to sleep, I'd only have another nightmare. I couldn't take the voices taunting me anymore.
I grabbed my marbles out of their dish and held them in my hand.
I sat back down on my bed and pulled my legs up to me keeping the marbles steady in my cupped hand.
I stared at them for a little while.
"I'm not alone." I whispered to myself.
I closed my hands around the marbles and held them tight.
I was alone. Saying I wasn't would be nothing but a lie. It wouldn't solve anything.
But I told myself I wasn't alone in the hope that it would make me feel less...lonely.
I put the marbles into one and hand and held them in a fist so they wouldn't fall. I then buried my face in my knees.
"Little stars in the sky," I started to sing gently to myself "Don't you leave me tonight. Watch me, protect me, keep me in light. Don't let the nightmares give me a fright."
I sighed.
I wanted to go outside so I could actually see the stars and sit under them. But I couldn't right now.
I wanted to know why I had these dreams. Had I always had them? Or is it just since I'd woken up with nothing but a blank mind. Maybe that's what the voices were - the echos in the empty space of my memories.
Who was I? Why was everything about me still a secret from myself?
I looked up and blinked.
"I want to remember." I then whispered to myself.
But no matter how long I sat there, trying to remember, I didn't think I would be able to.
It seemed like its own little eternity for the sun to rise that morning.
I hadn't gone back to sleep. I wouldn't let myself, no matter how tired I was.
I'd sat in that same position all night. I stood up and stretched myself as I let out a yawn.
I grabbed some clean clothes from their drawers and quickly headed out the bedroom door.
Laying A's blanket carefully down on the bed and rolling my marbles into their dish on the way out.
I darted through the corridors until I reached the bathroom.
There was a couple of other kids which had got up early already queued outside, so I had to wait behind them.
It was two girls.
One of them looked at me from the corner of her eye and gave me a strange look like I was something weird.
I blinked at her to show her that I wasn't going to give her any reaction to her doing this.
The other girl then looked at the first and then followed her gaze to me.
She bit her lip and gave me an apologetic smile for her friend's behaviour, and then nudged her friend with her elbow to draw her attention away from me.
I frowned then. What was their problem? Was it because I was new? Surely they didn't look at everyone else with such strange looks.
I finished up in the bathroom as quickly as I could and hurried back to my room.
I grabbed my marbles quickly and pushed them into my pocket and then left the room again.
I wandered down the corridor passing a few people who were heading to bathrooms or towards the dinner hall for breakfast.
"Stupid brat, you took it didn't you!" I suddenly heard someone shout from one of the common rooms.
I frowned. They weren't shouting at me of course, but who would be shouting at this time in the morning anyway?
The common room door was open so I peaked inside to see was the noise was about.
"I have no idea where your chocolate is Mello." I saw Near sitting on the floor playing with a toy robot with his back to the blonde haired boy from yesterday morning. The blonde, who Near had called 'Mello', had clearly been the one shouting.
Mello. I frowned, Matt had mentioned that name yesterday. He was meant to be the smartest kid in the orphanage now.
I saw Mello frowned angrily. He looked like he was about to shout something else but then stopped himself and folded his arms.
"Then what the hell happened to it!" He said. Half shouting, but slightly calmer than before.
"You probably ate it." I heard someone say besides me.
I turned and saw Matt leaning against the wall watching the event. I must have been so distracted by Mello and Near that I hadn't seen him there.
I saw Mello looked over to Matt and slit his eyes at him. Matt just chuckled.
"Fine!" Mello then said rather loudly. "But next time I talk to you, Sheep, look at me!"
Mello said looking back at Near.
Near didn't even looked at him then. I watched Mello as he then gritted his teeth. It looked like he wanted to smack Near across the head but was only just controlling himself.
"Really Mels," I heard Matt then say "You're just angry 'cause he's smarter than you, you don't need to pick a fight with him everywhere he goes."
Near was smarter than Mello? So was Near the person Matt had been talking about when he said Mello's place as successor was threatened?
"He is not smarter than me!" Mello shouted at Matt.
Near continued to say nothing.
Matt rolled his eyes. I saw Mello clench his fists then like he was getting even more angry than he already was.
Mello then turned and stormed out the room making me step out the way quickly.
Matt chuckles.
"Oh, hey Secret." he said seeming to only just notice me, but I'm sure he had earlier than that.
"Hi." I mumbled.
"Sorry about him, he's got anger issues." Matt said and then chuckled again.
"I better go after him." He then said and then shuffles out the door giving a brief wave as a goodbye.
I frowned after Matt. That had been one weird scene to come across at seven o'clock in the morning.
I turned back into the room where Near was still sitting playing with his toy as if nothing had happened. Did this boy know fear? He'd just had a furious Mello shouting at him and he didn't even seem fazed!
"Hiay Near." I chirped trying to see if it was possible to grab his attention away from his toy.
"Hello Secret." He muttered not looking up. Apparently it wasn't!
"Are you going to breakfast?" I asked him.
"I guess so." he replied quietly.
I bit my lip. "Do you want to go with me?" I then asked.
I felt like I wanted to company this morning, and well Near was the only one I really knew now, other than Matt, but he'd gone after raving Mello.
Near said nothing for a moment and moving his toy along the floor on its wheels with a blank expression on his face.
Did he actually consider that fun?
He then sighed and slowly stood up.
I took that as a 'yes' and gave him a small smile.
We both walked down the corridor to the dinner hall.
We went over the counter in the wall than was connecting this room and the kitchen.
I chose some pancakes because I was actually quite hungry this morning. I think Near just got some plain cereal.
Every table seemed to have a few kids on it. I looked around the room for the table with the least amount of people there. I managed to spot a table with just two other people on it, so I tugged Near towards it.
"Do you mind if we sit here?" I asked the two girls already there shyly.
It was the two girls from before in the queue for the bathroom.
The one who had smiled looked up and gave me another smile.
"Not at all." She chirped. She seemed the friendly type.
I bit my lip and sat down opposite her and muttered a polite thanks.
Near sat down next to me and seemed to just stare at his cereal and said nothing.
"Hi, my names Linda." The girl smiled.
I gave her a shy smile back. "I'm called Secret." I told her.
"Oh really? That's unusual." She commented.
I blinked and gave her another tiny smile. I was going to take it she meant a good unusual.
She didn't ask for Near's name so I guess she already knew, after all he had been here a few days before me.
The other girl didn't tell me her name, and I didn't ask for it. She just stared at me with the same funny look as before.
I bit my lip and started to pick at food trying to ignore her.
I heard Linda deliberately clear her throat to get her friend to stop staring at me again.
"Do you mind if I draw you?" I heard Linda ask me.
I looked up and frowned. Draw me?
"You've got an interesting coloured hair." She said, making it sound like a explanation.
I bit my lip again. "Em...okay." I muttered
Linda gave me a huge smile and then pulled out a sketch pad and pencil out of nowhere and started sketching.
I froze. What was I meant to do?
Just act natural. I told myself.
So I went back to my pancakes.
I ate them slowly to give Linda plenty of time to finish her drawing. Then once she stopped sketching she pulled out some colouring pencils out of her pocket and started colouring the picture. I guess that meant I could move around freely now. I finished up my pancakes and looked over to see if Near had finished too. I raised an eyebrow - it didn't even look like he'd touched his food at all.
Linda then put her pencils away and then looked up at me.
"Do you want to see it?" She asked me.
I bit my lip "Okay." I muttered.
She gave me a smile as she handed he sketch book across the table to me.
I looked down at the page and almost gasped.
It was almost like looking in a mirror. She's captured my likeness so perfectly.
"Your very talented." I said to her. That was a understatement, she was an amazing artist, but I didn't want to sound too weird saying anything like that.
She gave me a smile. "Thank you." She said.
I handed her back her sketch book and thanked her for drawing me so perfectly, but of course she just thanked me back for my letting her draw me in the first place.
I stood up and gave them a small smile as a goodbye.
I went and took my plate back to the kitchen and put it on the counter. Near had followed me and done the same with his untouched cereal.
Me and Near then left the dinner hall.
"So," I muttered to Near. "What do you want to do?" I asked him.
There was no point just wandering around without knowing what exactly we were planning to do with ourselves.
Near shrugged.
Helpful.
I sighed and just kept walking down the corridor besides Near.
I then saw Roger coming down the corridor the opposite way. I panicked slightly and tried to act like I wasn't up to anything, which I wasn't, I just didn't want it to look like I was.
"Ah Secret," Roger then said as he came closer to us. "I've been looking for you."
I looked up at him confused. Why was he looking for me now?
"I've been meaning to inform you that Alternative's funeral will be held later today. And if you wish to attend we will be heading down to the cemetery for the service around midday." Roger said to me.
I bit my lip. All I could do was nod.
Roger then nodded back at me and then turned and headed back to his office.
I stood still in the hallway for a little while.
Near stayed next to me, no saying anything as usual.
A's funeral. I'd said yesterday to Matt that I didn't think I could cope with my emotions if I went there. But I couldn't not go, could I? It was A's final goodbye, I needed to go.
I but my lip.
I knew all along that I'd end up going but I didn't want to stand there with everyone else, I'd stand it before, I'd break down.
But I knew I'd have to figure something out.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Near suddenly asked.
I frowned, why would I want him to go?
Near started to walk away without waiting for me to reply.
I quickly grabbed ahold of his shirt sleeve to stop him.
"No, stay with me please, I don't want to be alone right now." I said to him.
He gave me a look that seemed that he was slightly surprised at me grabbing hold of his sleeve, but not enough of a look so you could show that he was showing emotion.
He nodded and stood still. But I kept a grip on his sleeve still, out of fear he'd try to leave again without warning this time.
I bit my lip.
"Can we go outside?" I then asked Near.
I wanted to go outside, but like I'd just said, I didn't want to be alone.
There was still snow outside because it had snowed again in the night.
I guess the snow was like a comfort to me.
Near paused for a second and I could see he was debating it in his head, I guess he wasn't really outside person. But he nodded anyway.
I gave him a weak smile, and started to the main entrance with Near's sleeve still in my grip.
I went back inside around ten o'clock so I could find something to wear for the funeral.
Near came with me, although I didn't know why, because he would just have to stand outside while I got changed.
"What do people usually wear at funerals?" I asked Near.
He sat up on my bed curling a piece of his hair around his forefinger. He looked like he had been deep in thought and was brought out of it by my question.
"Black is tradition." He muttered.
I bit my lip. "Black." I echoed.
I started rummaging through my drawers for something black and nice looking.
I pulled out a black dress and held it up to myself.
It wasn't a long dress. It fell just above my knee. But it was very pretty with like patterned lace over the fabric and a big skirt on it.
I lay the dress down on top of my check of drawers and started looking around for the knee-length black socks I'd seen when I was putting the clothes away.
I pulled them out too and lay them on top of the dress.
The dress was only short sleeve and I'd get cold in the snow, so I then started looking around for a nice jacket to wear that didn't look too casual.
I ended up settling for a black cardigan, which I guess would be better to wear than a hoodie.
I suppose I'd have to be a bit cold, but I'd cope with it. I'd rather be cold then disrespectful to A at his funeral.
I shooed Near outside while I changed into the dress.
I pulled a pair of black converse trainers on as well and brushed my fringe away from my eyes so I could look at myself in the mirror properly.
I bit my lip. Not a bad outfit for something rustled up from other people's old clothes. It looked nice enough to wear.
I called Near back in and he just went and sat back down on the bed without saying anything.
"How do I look?" I said trying to force a compliment, or insult, or anything, out of him.
"Nice." He said no emotion in his voice.
I blinked. I suppose that would have to do.
I quickly check the time on the clock on the wall. It was nearly eleven o'clock already.
I bit my lip. Everyone else who was going would be setting off in a hour.
I sat down on my bed besides Near.
I had my marbles in my hand from when I was getting changed.
I only had a very small pocket in my cardigan.
I bit my lip. I put my fingers in the pocket to see how many marbles I could fit. Three maybe four.
I picked out A's marble from my hand and popped it into my pocket, I'd wouldn't leave that one behind. I then chosen my marble and my B marble as the other two to take. I wouldn't try to force another one in the pocket, there was no one else really who I'd want to take.
"Can you look after these please." I said to Near as I held out the other three marbles to him.
Near frowned and picked up the marbles in my fingers.
"Why do you have marbles?" Near asked me, like it was a really unusually thing to have, coming from the one who was doing a blank puzzle yesterday! I rolled my eyes.
"They're my friends." I told him. Well strictly speaking only one of the three I'd given him were a 'friend' and that was the white one, which I had decided would be him. The black one was L who I obviously didn't consider a friend and the other one had no one attached to it yet.
Near raised an eyebrow. "So you talk to blankets, and have marbles for friends." He muttered.
I pouted "Yeah, is that a problem?"
Near didn't say anything, so I rolled my eyes again. I didn't care to remind him why I talked to the blanket and I thought it would be mean to say at least I had friends.
"Why don't you just leave them here?" Near then pointed out.
"I think they'll be safer with you." I told him.
I guess it was really because I trusted him, and wanted to show him that I did. As well that I was worried that there wasn't actual locks on the bedroom doors, and as unlikely as it was, I was worried someone who take them.
Near sighed and put the marbles in the pocket on his shirt chest.
"I best get going then." I muttered as I stood up off the bed.
Near nodded and then slowly stood up himself.
We both headed out the door.
I waved to Near as he started off back towards his own room because he wasn't going.
Then I headed off to Roger's office to find the others that were going.
There was just a few others going.
Roger said he was staying so he could remain in charge of the other children, although I knew he'd only really be in his office the whole time.
There was another elderly gentleman who called himself Watari, who said he would usually travel with L, but had left to attend the funeral. That would be who would be taking us down there.
Other than them there was a couple of other kids, all older than me, meaning that I would be the youngest going.
We set off at midday like Roger had said. They decided that it would be best if we walked because the cemetery was only down the road.
As soon as we reached the gates of the cemetery I stopped and let the others go ahead.
I decided that I didn't actually want to be there for the service itself, I wanted to stay afterwards with A alone.
I clutched a white rose in my hands that Near had found in the gardens. I was surprised there had been anything blooming this time of year actually, because there usually wouldn't be. But Near said that maybe it had been waiting for me to take it to A, which I thought was sweet of him to say.
I watched from afar as they lowered A's coffin into the ground.
I felt the tears pricking at my eyes, and quickly looked away from it all. But it wasn't enough to stop the tears coming.
My eyes traveled to a hill not far away.
I could see someone sitting under a tree watching the funeral from afar like I was.
No wait, I recognised that person.
I was B!
I choked out a smile laugh in between the sobs.
"I see you B," I muttered "You liar, I saw you again."
I wanted to go to him or at least wave, but I knew that would draw attention to him, which he obviously wouldn't want because they'd take him back to the orphanage.
I stayed there by the gate until the service was over and everyone else started to move away.
"Secret." I heard Watari say as the others left the cemetery. I don't know how he knew my name, but he came across as wise so I wasn't surprised that he did, maybe Roger had told him, or even L. "Would you like to remain here?"
I nodded.
"Can you remember your way back to the orphanage?" He then asked
I nodded again.
"Alright then, make sure you are back by nightfall." He said and then left me.
So he was trusting me? Just like that. How did he know I wouldn't just run away afterwards, or refuse to leave the cemetery altogether.
I bit my lip and looked back up the hill.
B was gone.
I knew he would be.
I waited there until the people came to fill in the grave and finish up setting everything right, and then until they left.
I then shuffled over to the grave.
It simply said 'A' on the headstone. I was glad of that. I wouldn't want it to say 'Alternative', I don't think A would have like that.
I knelt down by the grave and place the rose down on it.
"Well then A." I muttered. A tear rolled down my cheek before I managed to say anything else.
I sighed to myself. "I hope you're at peace now." I muttered to the grave. "No one can hurt you anymore, or put any pressure on you."
I bit my lip to try to hold in the tears, but it didn't work.
"I guess...I'm like B...I don't like goodbyes...not this type of goodbye anyway..." I whispered between the sobs.
"But I don't want to think as you as gone...just sleeping...so maybe...I should say sweet dreams instead." I then muttered.
I shook my head "No," I whispered "You're not gone, not properly."
I bit my lip again but let the tears come this time. "You're watching over me, I know it, it really was you in my dream, talking to me."
I sighed then and stood up.
I looked down at the grave.
"You were my first friend I had since I woke up with no memories." I muttered.
"So that's why I know...I'll never forget you."
Okay ... end of chapter 4 ... I made it nice and long to make up for taking so long with the update.
Hope you enjoyed it and please review ^^
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If You're enjoying my story you can also go and read a story written by my good friend Flik98 is you haven't already. Its called 'Regrets Of Rye' and is about her OC Rye. It also has my OC in it too, being a ninja haha It's really good so far, but is currently only two chapters long as Flik-Chan is being lazy (Hint hint Flik!)
I'm not going to make any promises for when chapter V is going to be up, as I don't know yet. All I can tell you is that there is going to be a time skip at the beginning of it so it's based a few months in the future.