Troy Cahill, District Two male (18)
Panem was all I knew. I was raised in the most dedicated District by one of the most patriotic Victors. Now I was afraid to go home to him. After what I'd seen I couldn't go back to the son I had been.
The first round of the Patriot Games wasn't bad. As soon as I heard about the theme I'd been so excited. I loved Panem! It was going to be great! With the updated "heroes vs. villains" roster I didn't even have to feel guilty. Only one of us was young and almost all of us volunteered. And when Alazyea and Lyte both died in the first round there wasn't even anyone left to feel guilty about.
I guess I never knew what cruelty really was.
I didn't know something could even hurt that bad. For the rest of my life I would never close my eyes without feeling it. Worse than the pain- though it seemed impossible anything could be worse than that- was the knowledge that someone designed that. Someone designed a machine that did nothing but cause pain. We sat around the table for less than four minutes before three of us faltered. I didn't believe Titian until he held up the stopwatch. As I looked at him, shuddering with pain and tears covering my face, I knew we weren't the first people to put our hands on that table. It came to me that the table had been tested, tried out on probably dozens of people. No doubt they came from prisons but I wouldn't have wanted that for anyone. Not for a murderer. Not even for a child murderer. I'd take someone outside and shoot them myself the thought of the table would ever enter my head.
Careers are trained to kill. We're not trained to murder. We're supposed to fight against other Careers and against a group of kids from all over Panem. Sure, some of them would be young or small, but we all hoped those ones would die of exposure anyway. Point was, it was supposed to be a fight. Not an execution. And yeah, I did it. I pulled the switch and watched the unknown person jitter and shake. But I didn't do it because I agreed anymore. Truth be told I just didn't want to die. I was starting to see the purpose of this Games. It was to find the one they could make do anything. I guess that meant I was turning into that person.
I didn't push the button. It wasn't because I was a good person. I just suspected it was a trick. If this Games was meant to find the most obedient person that meant they wanted us to follow orders and not put ourselves first. Not pushing the button meant your life was in the hands of the Capitol, which seemed like exactly what they wanted. I sat there for three minutes thinking Steel had figured it out, too. Later that day she said it was so encouraging for her when she saw there was someone else who wouldn't do something that wasn't right. Rhoda and Margo didn't see through it like we did. Or else maybe they just didn't want to win anymore.
The final test was to show us that the Capitol can kill anyone. It was always the one thing Panemians could depend on that Victors were safe from the Games. Since the first time I died my father must have spoken out about losing his son. I hardly recognized Dad when I saw him, he was so old-looking and badly beaten. It was the hardest challenge and a foregone conclusion all at once. Dad and I both knew they were going to kill him either way. All he cared about was his son staying safe. It does something to you, listening to your father telling you to kill him. After someone makes you do that, they can make you do anything.
Obscure trivia: Troy was Crag's kid and I kinda just entirely forgot about it.