Sonic cried tears. These weren't any normal tears, though. It was a blend of bitter betrayal, sexual frustration, and existential confusion. A lone tear dripped over his upper lip. Saltier than usual. "Wow, if only Tails didn't bail out on me, maybe he could figure out how salty my tears really are! So much for friends, am I right, you little jar of Chaos?" Sonic opened the jar and poked at the fellow whIle commiserating, "Why does everyone I like leave me! First Bubsy, then Tails. Talk about a duo of two-timing bitches. If Tails is gonna destroy the Tri State Area, then I might as well… ugh! I'm so horny. Well, as they always say, if you can't beat them, then beat them!" Sonic opened the jar, and he came. These weren't normal orgasms, though. It was a blend of bitter betrayal, sexual frustration, and existential confusion.
While Sonic wanked, Bubsy sank in a pool of despair. The sounds of Sonic's solo pants dance was drowned in the lingering echoes of Tail's horrible words. At this moment, he regretted the first time the fox had comforted him, outside Studiopolis, mere weeks after Sonic had surgery performed on his right arm..
Bubsy inhales the fresh air, attempting to mediate his mind. Flashes of fur, warm and yellow, fog his soul. Friction grows in his chest. No, he is not covered in a cupboard, rather it was the looming thought of affairs past that rubbed against his chest. Affairs with his husband's best friend. Tails spilled it to Sonic shortly before slamming the door. Said he's had enough of Sonic acting "all goodie two-shoes, despite what happened with at purple monster," and that he deserved to be left alone. The door slam shut, then Sonic opened his doors, and now here we are: a wanking hedgehog, a crying bobcat, and a fox who controls a liquid projection of cosmic powers.
After a most righteous wank, Sonic tightened the lid on the jar. Well, he attempted to. The little menace oozed upwards to the rim of the jar, fighting against the lid. Sonic jams it tight. Suddenly, it shatters, and the liquid Chaos sample evaporates, carrying Sonic's DNA up to the heavens. "Wow, talk about a first class flight!" He quips.
Tails sits in an evil chair in an evil conference room atop an evil looking tower, the tallest one in the Tri-State area. There, an evil old scientist sips evil decaf. With a gnarly scratchy voice, the old scientist snars at his newest assistant. "Ahh if it isn't Miles Tails Prower, my dear old friend. Tell me, Tails, why is it sunny outside?"
"Well, Doctor Doofenshmirtz, I was this close to getting rid of my target, but he started breaking down. I don't want to be arrested for killing someone who can be qualified as legally insane, so I harnessed Chaos, for now..." Tails confessed.
"You want to know the definition of insanity? It's doing the same exact thing over and over again, expecting things to change. I'm Doctor Doofensmirtz, I know insanity when I see it in the Mirrorinator. I know Sonic, and Sonic's not insane. He has a hidden agenda, I can feel it in his heart. Don't let him infect your heart too… Now, answer me this, why is it sunny outside?"
"There's… there's no reason, sir." Tails pushes his Chaos Controller, and summons a storm back over the Tri-State Area. Doofenshmirtz chuckles. "So, let's get this show on the road. Oh, and here, you're gonna need this to talk to your 'chef's assistant'!" Doofenshmirtz winks, tossing Tails a golden coin.
Doofensmirtz caresses his fingers together menacingly and in a devilish manner, he announces, "good, good, now Perry shall perish in the fight against his greatest foe..."
Tails nonchalantly replies, "great. I tell you what, this is more intense than my short stint as an extra on the set of Anchorman 3."