I didn't have much to work with here since Natasha was a canon foreigner but I DID see that in her original Games she had a breakdown after Alex died so I went with that.
Natasha Trent- District Twelve female (18)
Monsters made the Games and the Games made monsters. I was just a girl when Alex and I went into the Arena. Only the Careers knew what to expect. I just stood shaking on a platform until a handful of Tributes started to chase and kill all around me. I watched as the One boy held down a screaming little boy and tore his throat out. I never would have known how much blood was in a throat if it wasn't for the Games.
Five people died in the Bloodbath. I'd seen some of them around while I was training. I'd seen the boy with the torn throat. He'd been practicing sewing when I last saw him. Just some little kid squinting at a needle. Now his eyes were wide and relaxed and filmed over. I'd never seen a dead person before. I'd thought I'd go all my life without seeing a child's body. I wondered if my own body would look like that.
The Arena made noises at night. Every night there were screams but not every night were there cannons. I wasn't sure if the other screams were from children who were just wounded or if they were from ghosts. Ghosts had to live in a place like this- all pine trees and flickering shadows. Or maybe what was flickering in the night wasn't shadows.
There was an arrow. That much I remembered. A thin arrow and the rustling noise it made when it cut through the air. Alex had been talking to me but all at once the words stopped and turned into wet sucking noises. I remembered the wideness of his eyes and the clarity that soon they would be filmed over just like the boy's.
I tried to hold Alex's life in. It was rushing out all around us in thin pulsing spurts. I clamped my hands down on the hole but the blood just kept coming. The screams that haunted the Arena that night were mine. The cannon was my brother's.
Something gave in me that night. There are things people do because they know they should and things they don't do because they know they shouldn't. We hold in our impulses because we live in a society and we're rational creatures. That's what separates us from the animals. But it's possible for all of that to break away. When it's all too much and there's nothing left connecting you to your humanity it can all just
Snap
I wanted to hurt something. It wasn't to bring Alex back. Alex was gone forever. No bringing him back. No recovering. I just wanted something to hurt. If the world was like this then I wanted to tear it apart. I didn't know who shot that arrow and I didn't care. I wanted to kill everyone. Even if the first person I killed was the one who killed Alex I would have kept killing. I wanted to see blood and know one more person was destroyed. I wanted to destroy everyone who lived in a world like this and leave it empty and cold.
I didn't remember much of the Games later. After Alex died everything seemed like a nightmare. It was like a memory I couldn't quite recall but I remembered every bit of how I felt. The crowd was so enthusiastic as we watched a replay that to me felt like the first time I was seeing myself do those things. I decided then that I was never going to watch the tapes again. I became someone else in the Arena and I didn't ever want to remember that. I didn't want to think about what I did to so many other children. I wanted to go forward in my life and see if there were even any pieces to pick up.