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Forgiveness
I crouch morosely on top of a large gargoyle, glowering at the streets below as images I can't begin to erase continue to parade through my mind in a taunting display that makes me ill to my very core. My hands are clenched so tightly that my fingers ache, but I can't straighten them. My gaze desperately searches for someone…anyone to mete out my rage and heartache on.
My eyes momentarily fall closed, my breath sticking in my throat. The jagged pieces of my broken heart have created wounds so deep that they'll never heal…I'll never heal. The broken man that I had been before her is nothing compared to what I am right now.
My world has been turned upside down and inside out and I no longer know which end is up or how I'll begin to climb my way back out of the dark abyss I find myself in. I don't even know if I want to. The crushing weight of what I witnessed and what it signifies makes it next to impossible to breathe or to even think straight. I haven't felt pain of this magnitude since that fateful day my world was taken away from me.
I believed in her, trusted her with every fiber of my being. I had been so stupid for allowing her in, for actually believing that things would be different this time. I should've known better, shouldn't have allowed my broken heart so in need of healing to overrule my usual logic and self-control.
"Get out of my city."
The demand is torn from some deep, dark place in my soul with a fierce acidic burn, my entire body trembling from the gut-wrenching pain that consumes me. I never want to see her again…never want to see her beautiful face or hear her melodic laughter that always stirs something inside of me.
"We need to talk," she evenly states.
"I have nothing to say to you," I spit out the words like venom as I straighten to my full height. "Get out of my city and never come back here."
"Please, can't you let me explain?"
"There's nothing to explain," I seethe as I finally turn to face her, finding it more than difficult to even look at her.
Her eyes blaze like blue infernos as she stalks towards me, obviously refusing to take any orders from me. "I'm not leaving until you allow me to explain."
"I never want to see you again," I grind out the words that feel like broken glass in my throat.
Without a second thought, she hurtles myself at me, plowing directly into me. She pins me to the roof, her face so very close to mine. "You are going to listen to me whether you like it or not."
My chest heaves with the blinding fury that has erased all logic and reasoning as I glower up at her. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say!" I yell at her.
She gazes down at me with a such a look of hurt that it catches me off guard. I immediately take advantage of my momentary lapse, flipping her over onto her back. I glare down at her, noticing the look of unadulterated resolve adorning her face despite the position that we're currently in.
"It's not what you—" she begins to say, but I don't want to hear it anymore. I know what I saw.
She swiftly leans up, slamming her forehead against mine. It stuns me for a split second, but it's enough to allow her to gain her freedom from my hold on her. She scrambles to her feet as I put some much-needed distance between us. I pull out my grappling gun as I glance back at her.
"Leave and never come back," I growl.
I fire my grappling gun, allowing it to take me away from her before she has time to utter a response. I don't want to hear what she has to say. I don't care anymore. I gave her my heart and she crushed it, making one of my worst fears a living breathing reality. I have nothing else to give her, nothing more that can be said or done to repair what has happened.
She chose him over him me.
Before I can land on the next rooftop, she slams directly into me like a missile, knocking the air from my lungs as her arms wraps around my waist like a steel band. I immediately reach for my utility belt, determined to get away from her. I hate her for what she did to me…to us.
"You will listen to me whether you like it or not," she yells at me, the fire in her voice momentarily cutting through the anguished fog that encompasses my mind, but only for a fleeting moment.
I trusted her more than I have ever trusted another, and she spit in the face of that trust. I finally opened myself up to loving her only for her to turn her back on that love…on me. I'm crushed beyond words, fury threatening to eat away at the very fabric of my sanity. I'm too consumed by the bleak emotions that are coursing through me to attempt to think logically. All I want is to unleash the frightening darkness that is consuming me, the wrath and pain that is nearly suffocating.
I slam my modified tazer into her neck, sending thousands of jolts of electricity through her body. She cries out in pain and it pierces what's left of my shattered heart with a sharp jab of guilt. I swiftly tamp down on it as she releases me, finding myself in a freefall towards the city below.
I fire my grappling gun again, needing to get away from her and the pain that feels like a gaping wound in my chest. I glance down to see her falling lifelessly towards Gotham Bay and panic lances through me. I swing towards her, my arm wrapping around her as I fly us towards another rooftop.
I instantly release my hold on her and put some distance between us. Just the feel of her in my arms is too painful to bear, awakening too many memories and emotions. She gets up on her hands and knees, raising her head to look at me. The intensity of the hurt that permeates her typically bright blue eyes causes me to look away, my jaw set like steel and filled with overt stubbornness.
I'd rather face the Joker a hundred times over than deal with this situation that is glaring directly back at me.
"Are you going to listen to me now?" she asks as she shakily gets up onto her feet.
"There's nothing to talk about, princess," I bite out, folding my arms against my chest and averting my eyes. I refuse to appear vulnerable or hurt in front of her.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice how she looks down at the engagement ring that adorns her left hand…the ring that I personally designed for her, the diamonds that I'd hand-picked for her ring. The ring that I had given her last night. It suddenly feels like a lifetime ago.
"There's so much to talk about, Bruce," she softly says. "At the very least, don't I deserve a chance to explain?"
"I know what I saw," I state with every ounce of the pain that I feel inside of me. "You made your choice and it wasn't me."
She begins to close the distance between us and I automatically take two steps back away from her, unable to be near her. She draws a shuddering breath as tears fill her eyes. "No, Bruce," she softly replies. "It's not what you think you saw."
I try to draw a calming breath, but my heart is hammering hard against my chest wall and my throat is constricting so tightly I can hardly breathe. It feels as though my life has been taken away from me all over again and there's nothing I can do to stop it this time. "Fine," I finally relent. "What really happened?"
She tentatively takes a step closer to me. This time I keep my boots firmly planted, refusing to cower away from her. Her jasmine scent instantly assaults me and I feel myself falling all over again against my will. Damn her for having this affect on me and damn myself for being so weak when it comes to her.
"Yes, he kissed me," she begins, pausing to wipe a stray tear that has escaped, and I ache to erase her tears for her. Unfortunately, the image that fills my head refuses to release me from its painful grip.
"Diana, I can't…I can't talk about this," I quietly shudder as I seethe with a rage so blinding.
A gentle hand against my cheek causes me to become even more rigid as she forces me to look her in the eye. "He kissed me," she repeats.
"I know that," I growl darkly as I try to draw away from her, but she stops me with her strength.
"Do you know that I pushed him away when he kissed me?" she calmly continues. "Do you know that I told him to never touch me again because I'm in love you…that I'm going to marry you?"
I can feel my anger slowly beginning to seep from my body, my jaw relaxing minutely. I didn't know those things because as soon as I saw him grab her and kiss her I had stormed away, assuming my greatest fear was becoming a reality as I had escaped the Watchtower for the dark, dismal sanctuary of Gotham.
"He tried to talk me out of marrying you…to give him a chance, but I told him no," she explains. "I told Kal that we could only ever be friends because my heart has always belonged to you. It's always been you, Bruce…always you."
I draw a deep, shuddering breath as my arms fall to my sides, guilt rising like a tidal wave crashing over me. She had gone to the Watchtower to tell Clark that I had proposed last night only for him to kiss her, summarily stealing my happiness and my future in that solitary moment.
But she chose me…still does even though I acted like a complete fool.
"I…I'm so sorry," I whisper, the words getting clogged in my throat with the relief that washes through me.
Her hands move to cradle my face, her eyes softening as she gently pulls my cowl off to rest against my back. My eyes fall closed, too ashamed to look her in the eyes as I swallow back a thick knot of hot tears I can feel building in my throat. I know that what she finds beneath the cowl is probably as dreadful looking as I feel on the inside.
She gently traces the contours of my face with her fingertips as if discovering me all over again for the first time, the grace and forgiveness that she is showering upon me more than anything that I could ever deserve. She kisses my eyelids, my cheeks, my chin before finding my lips in a loving caress as if to confirm what she has just confessed to me.
Unable to bear it a moment longer, I swiftly wrap my arms around her and crush her to me, holding onto her with every ounce of strength I possess in my body as I fully return her kiss. The intimate exchange is slow and reassuring, repentant and forgiving at the same time. It's not heated or frenzied, but it's no less passionate or loving. I tilt my head and intently deepen the kiss, my tongue finding hers in a gentle caress that seems to slowly soothe the wounds that nearly tore us apart.
"I'm sorry, princess," I murmur as my forehead comes to rest against hers. "I guess I'm having a hard time believing that all of this is real…that someone as amazing as you would really love me and want to marry me."
"You're not going to get out of this," she tells me, her hands cupping my face in an effort to reassure me this isn't just some wonderful dream. "I love you and only you. I am going to marry you whether you like it or not, no matter how much you try to fight me or push me away. You are stuck with me, Bruce Wayne."
"I love you too," I reply, releasing a shuddering breath of relief. "And I'm shoving Kryptonite down Clark's throat next time I see him."
"You won't have to," she reassures me. "I already took care of him. He's going to need a little time, but he'll be all right with everything. I think Lois breaking up with him has left him feeling lost."
"So, he tries to steal my fiancé?"
"Once I talked to him, he realized that things could never work out between us," she reveals. "He's actually talking about taking some time away from the League to get his head on straight again."
"If that doesn't work, I'm more than prepared to spell it out for him with green glowing rocks," I nearly growl, still angry with him. "And he just lost his chance for being my best man."
"I'm sorry you were hurt," she tells me, her eyes falling closed as her lips caress mine. "If I had known you were there, I—"
I silence her with a kiss, knowing the real culpability lies with me. "It's my fault," I concede. "I let my fears and insecurities take over and it pushed me over the edge. I assumed the worst instead of trusting you like I should have."
Her lips slowly curve into a beautiful smile as her arms wrap around my neck. "Hey, we just survived our first fight as an engaged couple," she points out. "I'm kind of proud of us."
"Princess, I shocked you into unconsciousness and almost let you plunge into Gotham Bay," I reluctantly remind her, ashamed of my actions and the fact that I had taken my rage out on her. I'm going to have to do a lot better about talking through things instead of just reacting or trying to run away.
"It's my fault too," she replies. "I should've known better than to try to push you into talking to me when you were that hurt and upset. I should've given you some time to calm down before approaching you."
"I still probably wouldn't have listened to you."
"So, I can anticipate all of our arguments turning physical?" she asks.
The corner of my mouth ticks up into a playboy smirk as salacious thoughts begin to fill my mind, my longing for her becoming next to unbearable. "Depends on how you define physical," I tease her. "You know the best part of any fight is the hot make-up sex afterwards."
She grins at me as she tightens her hold on me. "I didn't know about that part, but I fully agree with those rules. Can we make it part of our wedding vows?"
I chuckle softly with her proposal, silently agreeing with her. "Watchtower," I hail as I transmit the coordinates to J'onn. "Two for transport to the following location."
"Transporting now, Batman," J'onn responds, amusement lacing his voice.
We appear in the bedroom that we share at the manor, our lips meeting again in a fiery exchange that rapidly becomes more passionate. As we quickly begin to undress we each other, I thank every single one of her gods and goddesses for this amazing woman who seemingly fell from the heavens and into my life to save me.
What she ever saw in someone like me is something I'll never begin to understand, but she's all mine now and I'm never letting her go.