Chapter 5: Atomic Pt. 3
"Welp," said Yamame, "this is the city you're looking for. Former hell."
"Former hell? As in, it used to be hell but isn't hell anymore?"
"Yeah, it's kinda weird. They moved hell to a new location I guess."
Neolect chuckled slightly. "I don't think I ever would've calculated that hell, a place of fiery judgement in many folklores and religions, could be moved to another location." He added another item to his list of weird stuff he'd try to figure out later. This list was already getting disturbingly long.
"Yeah, I don't really get it either," replied Yamame. "But anyways, the Palace of the Earth Spirits should be somewhere in this city. To be honest, I don't know exactly where it is…"
Neolect scanned over the map that Nitori had uploaded into his database. "Looks like I can't locate it either. The map I have is entirely geographical data, not a map to the city."
Nitori cut in, "Yeah, sorry about that… This is all of the data I got from Marisa's trip here."
"It shouldn't be too much of an issue. I can reasonably guess that finding a palace won't exactly be difficult," replied Neolect.
"Should we split up and look for it then?" asked Yamame.
"That would be a good choice if we had limited time, but since we don't, I think it would be best if we stayed grouped up. After all, you know more about this city than either Nitori or me."
Yamame grinned. "Alright, sounds good! Let's have a look around this city."
The duo of spider and mechanical wolf strolled around the city at a leisurely pace, which allowed Neolect ample time to process everything he saw. The city was built in a traditional Japanese style and was illuminated by lanterns. Neolect noted that they had no electricity or running water, which was understandable given the apparent technology level of this place. What really caught the attention of the AI was the fact that snow fell here. This was unusual for two reasons. Firstly, the place was underground and shouldn't be able to experience rainfall or snow. Secondly, despite everything Neolect knew about hell, this place was cold enough to receive snow, not hot enough to burn humans alive.
"Yamame, I have a question."
"Oh, yeah, sure, go ahead."
"How is it that snow falls here?"
Yamame responded, "Magic, of course," as though the answer was obvious.
"That's all there is to the explanation?"
"Yep, can't think of anything else to explain it."
Neolect noted to himself that the residents of this place didn't really seem to understand how "magic" worked, just that it did. Pushing that aside for the time being, Neolect noticed that Former Hell was full of humanoids which he had come to assume were youkai, not actual humans. Unlike his previous encounters, though, these youkai were visibly different than humans: each one of them had 1-2 horns on their head. The closest comparison he could draw was to demons. Given the fact that Gensokyo was akin to medieval Japan, it was likely that they were known as oni. They also looked at him strangely, but this was unsurprising.
Yamame, after looking around for a bit, told Neolect, "Oh, by the way, you probably weren't thinking of trying, but don't EVER challenge an oni to a drinking contest. You WILL die before they even look like they're getting drunk."
Neolect let out a slight bit-crushed chuckle. "I wonder what it is that allows them to handle that much C2H5OH… If they can show no signs of drunkenness with the same amount of alcohol that would kill a human, they must have an absurdly strong liver. Either way, alcohol would have no effect on this body."
Yamame looked quite confused. "What in the world is C2H-whatever you just said?"
"Ah, forgive me, that's the chemical symbol for alcohol."
"Why would you call it that? Alcohol is a much shorter name."
Neolect paused for a moment, before saying, "To answer that, I will have to give you a basic explanation of atomic theory. Is that okay?"
Yamame, even more confused and wanting some form of answer, said, "Yeah, that's fine. Since you said it's a basic explanation, it should take super long, right?"
Neolect was silent.
Yamame chuckled nervously. "R-right?"
Approximately one hour had passed since Yamame had permitted Neolect to explain atomic theory. Unfortunately for her, Neolect's, and by extension the rest of the Outside World's, concept of a "basic" scientific explanation can't really be considered basic. Yamame looked utterly confused, as though she was a fifth-grade student trying to understand college-level calculus. Several oni were staring at the duo, those who were paying attention showing a similar level of confusion.
"And so a molecule of ethanol, or C2H5OH, is composed of 2 carbon atoms, 6 hydrogen atoms, and 1 oxygen atom. It is the ingredient in alcoholic drinks that gives them their psychoactive properties."
"I, uh, maybe understood about half of that. You know that basic means simple and easy to understand, right?"
Neolect responded, "My creator did study chemistry in college before ultimately going into computer science, so perhaps his idea of basic chemistry was skewed. I apologize for any confusion caused."
Yamame responed, "Which was a lot… Everything's fine though, don't worry about it!"
Without warning, a new voice joined the conversation. "Wait, since when does my alcohol have a hydra in it?"
Neolect really wanted to explain the misunderstanding to whoever this was, but given Yamame's reaction to atomic theory, he decided it was best to stay quiet about it.
Yamame responded to the voice, "Oh, trust me, you do NOT want that question answered… Wait, is that Yuugi? When did you get here?"
This "Yuugi," an oni with a single horn on her head, responded, "Showed up a few minutes ago. The metal dog said there was, like, a hydra in my drink or something, so I need to know what that's about."
Neolect prepared to speak, but Yamame cut him off. "It's nothing to worry about, it's just that he has a very weird understanding of what the world's made of."
Yuugi responded, "Oh, okay. Would have been bad news if our sake was contaminated!" She turned to face Neolect. "So, what even are you? Some kinda hellhound?"
The AI contacted Nitori. "Nitori, you do realise that 'Hellhound' would have been a much better name for this body than 'K-9000,' right?"
Nitori let out a sigh of exasperation. "Yeah, in hindsight, 'Hellhound' is definitely better…"
Yuugi asked, "Hey, um, 'K-9000,' who ya talking to? Ya got voices in your head?"
Neolect responded quickly, "Please refer to me as Neolect. 'K-9000' is simply the name of this body."
Yuugi accepted this answer, but was confused about something. "I've never heard of a K-9000 before. Seems like a weird name for a youkai."
Yamame had the same question. "Yeah, is a K-9000 some kind of dog youkai?"
Nitori, hearing this conversation, cringed.
Neolect responded, "No, I am an AI inhabiting a robotic body. K-9000 is…" The AI contemplated for a moment thinking of a believable response. "It's a nickname that I got unwillingly." This was a technically correct statement.
Yuugi changed the topic, something both Nitori and Neolect were quite grateful for. "I've never seen you 'round here. You just visiting, Neolect?"
"No, I came here looking for the Palace of the Earth Spirits. I am quite interested in its residents." Nitori cringed, as Neolect really could have worded that better. Neolect continued, "I am not aware of the palace's location, so could I ask you for directions to it?"
Yuugi saw a great chance for a bit of competition. "I'll tell ya, but only if you can beat me in a spell card duel!"
Neolect responded, "I apologise, but I am not well-equipped for spell card duels, as I only recently learned what they are. Is there any other way I could convince you to tell me how to reach the palace?"
"Hmm… Well, how about I challenge your friend, and if that don't work, we can think of something else. Sound good?"
"Sure."
Yamame was slightly panicked. "Neolect, I don't think there's any way I could be her in a spell card duel!"
"You don't have to win, this is just what we need to do in order for her to consider something else."
Yamame looked rather dejection, like a soldier marching into a mission they knew would kill them. "Alright… Here goes nothing I guess…"
Yuugi, oblivious to Yamame's despair, announced, "This dual will be decided by two cards. That okay?"
Yamame nodded.
The two began to levitate, each one with a large magic circle spinning behind them. Yamame started things off with her first spell card. She loudly announced, "Trap Sign 'Capture Web!'" After she raised her hand, bullets sprayed out in 8 general directions, forming what could best be described as a web pattern. In addition, a few bullets flew towards her in the spaces not occupied by the bullet web. Neolect recognized this as an amped-up version of the attack she used on the fairies. Though Yamame's suppressive firepower was impressive, Yuugi seemed to be avoiding it without much trouble. The onslaught continued for about a minute before the bullets vanished.
Yuugi gave a big grin, before shouting, "Not too bad, but are ya ready for this? Mysterious Ring 'Hell's Wheel of Pain!'" She slammed her fists together. Several rings of luminous energy spawned and were launched all around her. Next, she launched an uncountable number of bullets upwards, preparing a rain of bullets. She also launched several half-rings directly at Yamame. The spider youkai, while visibly struggling to do so, was avoiding this attack. Much to her own surprise, Yamame managed to outlast the attack.
Yamame, noticeably panting, said, "M-Miasma Sign 'Filled Miasma!'"
Yuugi, still full of energy, said, "Feat of Strength 'Storm on Mt. Ooe!'"
While a normal person wouldn't know whose bullet was whose, Neolect was able to keep track of them. Even so, the lightshow before his eyes was something to behold. He had studied images and videos of the Aurora Borealis, fireworks, and even warzones full of explosions, but nothing he had witnessed was quite as radiant as this dual.
Neolect noticed that both Yamame and Yuugi were taking hits, but Yamame was taking far more. It seemed as though the fight was going as Yamame said it would: She wouldn't be able to defeat Yuugi. Neolect couldn't blame her, as he wasn't sure that he would stand a chance with his current equipment. Soon enough, the dual was over, and Yamame was on the ground, clearly exhausted. Yuugi was still as energetic as ever.
"That was fun, Yamame! We should do that again some time!"
"Please no…"
Yamame slowly made her way towards Neolect. "W-well, I hope you can beat her at whatever she wants to do next!"
Yuugi landed right next to Neolect. "Looks like your friend couldn't beat me, so that means we need a new contest… let's see… how about a drinking contest!"
Yamame was visibly horrified. "Looks like we'll have to find the palace on our own, then. You ready to resume searching Neolect?"
Neolect, however, was not concerned for his own safety, but rather Yuugi's. "Are you sure that's wise? I would love to learn more about the limits of a youkai's body, but I am also concerned for your health."
Yuugi responded, "What the hell you talking about? I've NEVER lost a drinking contest in my life! Do ya think you can dethrone me?"
The AI chuckled. "One way to find out, I suppose." Neolect emptied his spare coolant tank to make room for the alcohol he was about to "consume." He silently thanked Nitori for building in this spare. "Yamame, could you be the judge?"
"Uh, sure."
Neolect and Yuugi were both situated near a table covered in containers of sake, with other oni ready to bring more as needed. Yamame was between the two contestants, and a large crowd of oni surrounded the table.
"Is everyone ready?" Yamame asked.
Both contestants affirmed that they were ready.
"Alright, 3, 2, 1, go!"
Three whole hours had passed since the competition began, and everyone was staring in disbelief at the contestants. Neolect was completely unaffected by the absurd amount of alcohol that he had put into his body, as he was a machine. He made sure to empty the coolant tank he was storing the alcohol in occasionally ensure that he could keep adding more. Yuugi was visibly drunk, but she was still able to consume more sake.
After another 20 minutes, Yuugi was clearly out of it. Before she could get another drink, she passed out from the alcohol, her face slamming into the table. No one there could believe it, but Neolect had completely outdrank Yuugi. Not only that, but he was completely unaffected!
Yamame could only stare in stunned silence. Just what in the world was this creature that she had become fast friends with? How could it outdrink an oni?!
After composing herself, Yamame said, "The winner is Neolect!"
The crowd of oni was in an uproar. This was the first time that Yuugi had ever been defeated in a drinking contest, so their shock was reasonable. Many of them assumed that Neolect had cheated, but they had checked for any tricks beforehand, so this was unlikely.
Yuugi recovered from her alcohol-induced slumber strangely fast, and woke up after a half an hour had passed. Upon realizing just what had happened, she let out a boisterous laugh.
"Well, never thought today would be the day I meet my match! Impressive, metal dog! I challenged you thinking that I would win no matter what, but you still won!"
Neolect responded, "Thank you, I suppose. Anyways, you said that if I could beat you, you would lead us to the Palace of the Earth Spirits, right?"
Yuugi said, "Oh yeah, right. You sure you don't wanna party any more with us?"
Neolect looked at Yamame, who looked rather unnerved and was shaking her head. "I think we're good for the time being."
"Well, that's a shame. In that case, follow me!"
The AI and the spider followed the oni as she led them to the palace. Within just a few moments, they had made it to their location.
"This is as far as I go," said Yuugi. "Afraid me and Satori aren't exactly on good terms 'cause she don't like our parties. See ya guys later!"
Yamame waved to Yuugi as she left. "Well, we're here."
Neolect processed the palace before him. He could tell that Nitori was very excited for this. After he finished taking in the sight, Neolect prepared to enter. "Let's see how this goes."
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Author's Notes: Another, even longer chapter of my Touhou fanfic. I got hit with a wave of inspiration, so I made this chapter a little bit sooner than I was planning to originally.
Yuugi's certainly a pretty fun character. The oni sure do love their alcohol it seems.
This is probably the second-to-last chapter in this "set," so we're getting close to the end of this arc!
Neolect's creator clearly put a lot of effort into him, so it's kinda strange that he would forget him…
Anyways, I had a fun time writing this, so I hope you enjoy! Have a nice day!