fever dream
3
Alice and Jasper's beautiful suburban home embodies organized chaos when we arrive, just as anticipated.
A giant pink balloon arch complete with a lifesize inflatable unicorn stands over the porch steps, purple ribbons wrapped around the porch railings, "Birthday Girl" banner pinned over the front door. Carmen takes charge of the cake, leaving Fi to grab the gift and balloon for the birthday girl, and me to wrangle my son. As we get closer to the house, the music pumping out into the street makes me pause.
"Mama." Jameson says my name just to remind himself that I'm here, I think. Scooping him up into my arms, I slide his ear defenders onto his head and rub my nose against his as he flashes me a grateful little smile, still a little sleepy after his nap on the way over here.
He can still hear with them on, but everything's a little bit muffled. A little more manageable.
Clutching today's favorite stuffy—a bear called Teddy—and a plastic Nemo, he stares straight ahead as I carry him inside with Carmen and Fi just ahead of us.
Despite how loud the music is out front, inside is actually kind of...dead.
I smile when I realize why, finding the rest of the party-goers out in the big backyard. Carmen murmurs that she's going to pop the cake in the fridge to protect it from the heat while Fiorella darts off in search of her cousin.
Apart from a handful of people I don't recognize—presumably neighbors or Katie's friends from school—everybody is familiar.
To me, and to Jameson.
I can feel the stress melting from his little body as he looks around, cataloguing all the faces. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins. A few neighbor kids he's met a couple of times since Alice and Jasper moved out here.
"Bella! You made it!"
Alice appears out of nowhere, two of the triplets in her arms. Brandon and...Alexander, I think. They're identical and it always takes me a few minutes to get my brain around which is which. Hale, the third of the trio, will be around here somewhere.
IVF, man. Science sure has a sense of humor.
"Hi, hon. This looks amazing!"
"Really? I was so stumped for ages on a theme. Unicorns won in the end but I wasn't sure..." She beams, all rosy-cheeked pride she one-hundred percent deserves to feel. As a party planner, she's made her living out of creating incredible events for other people, so I know she gets a kick out of being able to run wild with her own. Especially when it's for her kids.
The triplets' second birthday party last month was legendary, complete with a petting zoo and ponies the kids could ride.
Jameson wore the cowboy hat he was given at that party for two weeks straight, even in the bath.
Having obviously found Katie to hand over her balloon and gift, Fiorella arrives just in time to steal away her cousins.
"Fifi!" Brandon screeches, hopping straight from his mama's arms into Fiorella's, Alexander right behind him.
Shaking out her arms, Alice grins at me and sighs. "Those little bruisers are giving me guns of steel, I swear." Reaching out to tap Jameson's little blue sneaker, she pokes her tongue out at him, garnering a soft giggle. "Hi, cutie." Her attention turns back to me. "Do you want me to turn the music down? Katie turned it up earlier when she and her friends were having a dance party in the living room, but I can lower the volume now…"
"No, he'll be okay," I tell her gratefully, rubbing Jameson's back. "He'll be absolutely fine once he gets his bearings."
"All right." Clapping her hands, she fixes me with a bright smile. "Drink? We've got about fifty different kinds of mocktail because pretending that I'm sunning myself on a beautiful beach somewhere is the only way I'm going to make it through this."
Laughing, I agree wholeheartedly and trail after her to the food and refreshments under a big gazebo in the corner of the yard, taking the opportunity to have a good catch-up. Alice and Jasper moving their family an hour away from the rest of us has been an adjustment, but they did need the space when the triplets came along, and they weren't going to find it in the city. Not anywhere like this, anyway.
As we wander back toward a couple of empty seats out of the splash zone—Alice's parents apparently in charge of watching the kids playing in the paddling pool and the slip 'n slide—I gaze around at the forest bordering their fence, the long stretch of grass that covers three-quarters of their yard. They've got a mini football field set up right now, but last time they had basketball hoops fixed to opposite fence posts. The rest is a big deck housing their currently-covered hot-tub.
Our yard back home is about a fifth of the size and we definitely couldn't fit a slip 'n slide in it.
Jameson's little face has been alight with awe ever since he noticed it. I feel him fidgeting on my lap as he watches Katie launch herself down with another of their cousins, Henry, running behind her.
"Where's Riley? I thought he'd be coming with you."
Shrugging, I look around the yard. Almost all of Riley's family is here, minus a few, but I can't see him. "He texted just before I left to say he was running late and would meet us here. He might have gotten stuck in traffic? Not sure."
Alice rolls her eyes with a grin, knocking back half her mock-margarita. "Men. What are we going to do with them, huh?"
As a warm sensation spreads over me seconds before a hand lands on my shoulder, a quick caress of the skin bared by my strappy sundress, I think there's plenty I'd like to do to one man in particular, and here he is.
I don't say it, obviously.
It's not like I can admit that the man I'd like to do wicked things to is her brother-in-law...
Just not the one I'm married to.
"Edward! Hi!"
Alice jumps up to greet him, ever the wonderful host, which gives me the perfect opportunity to calm myself, to take a deep breath and attempt to cool my flushed cheeks.
It's just so fucking hard.
"Hey, Ali. Great job with the party. You know I love a unicorn."
Alice's laughter bursts out of her when she pulls back, apparently only now noticing the glittery purple, pink, and white unicorn someone has already painted on his cheek. "Look at you! Let me take a picture. Hold on, hold on, hold on…"
It's only as she twists to fish her cell from her bag tucked under the table that he looks at me.
His crooked grin coupled with a cheeky wink...it's totally shameless.
And it has exactly the effect he was going for, I'm sure. My cheeks flame, heart thumping hard as I bury my smile in Jameson's hair.
"Hey, Bella. How're you doin'?"
"I'm good, Edward, thanks," I murmur, smile widening as Jameson rips off his ear defenders.
"Ed!"
"There you are, buddy! I wondered if you were ever gonna notice me," Edward chuckles, dropping into a crouch so he's eye-level with my boy. "How's my main man?"
Jameson shoves Nemo in Edward's face. "Nemo!"
"He's the best," he tells him sagely, turning his arm a little so Jameson can find 'his' tattoo. I spot it right away, sandwiched between the ballerina doing an arabesque for Fi and a large wolf in profile. Nemo, Dory, and Marlin float around just below the crease of Edward's inner elbow. "Can you find him on my arm?"
Jameson giggles and jabs his little finger right into Nemo's eye. "Nemo!"
"You got him," Edward chuckles, ruffling Jameson's hair, gaze darting over my son's shoulder to find mine staring back at him.
For a second, it's easy to forget that this isn't us. We're not this little family unit, he's not Jameson's father and he's not my husband.
He's not mine at all.
"Bella, there you are. Sorry I'm late, traffic on the freeway was a nightmare. Hey, sis, Edward."
My smile slips away as Edward lifts out of his crouch to shake his brother's hand. Riley claps him on the shoulder with a grin, hugs Alice and congratulates her on another amazing party, then ducks to kiss the top of my head and Jameson's.
"Hey. Get here okay?"
"Y-yeah," I clear my throat, finding a smile for him that feels forced, but hopefully doesn't look it. "All good. Jameson slept, Fi ditched us as soon as we got here, and Carm is...somewhere."
He nods, looking around the busy, family-filled yard. "I just saw her inside with Mom and Rose."
"I'll go see if they need any help," I decide on a whim, both Cullen brothers watching me as I jump up with Jameson still in my arms. He yelps and drops his toy, then laughs when Edward manages to catch Nemo before he hits the grass. "What do you say?"
Jameson aims a stink-eye at me, but when I cock a brow and tilt my head slightly, he sighs and turns back to Edward. "Th-thank you."
My breath catches, Edward's surprised grin washing over me like sunshine after a cloudy day, like the ocean rushing up the shore.
I realize it's probably the first time he's heard the latest addition to Jameson's limited repertoire.
He's been working on it for a while and only recently started to say it—with prompts—semi-regularly.
"You're welcome, buddy. C'mon, wanna come with me and find some cake or somethin'?"
Fearless, Jameson lurches toward Edward's chest without warning. I manage to cling onto him long enough for Edward to get his hands up, goosebumps rising in the wake of his fingers as he brushes them over mine under the guise of taking Jameson from me.
Riley and Alice are too close to tell him off, so I stride away instead, heading for the relative safety of the house and the cool of the A/C.
~ fd ~
"Did you hear about the Warrens? They're getting divorced. Cindy Taylor said David's been seeing some young bimbo from the city for a year, can you believe it?"
I toss back the last of my virgin mojito and instantly reach for the jug to pour another, eyes instinctively darting across the table to Edward.
He's too preoccupied with his very important task to be paying attention to Alice's gossip, but I watch him for a moment anyway, wondering what people would be saying about us if they knew...
If they knew the man currently painting his niece's nails is fucking is sister-in-law.
Would I be the homewrecker? Would he?
My eyes roam across the yard to Victoria, his latest girlfriend, chatting with Esme—the Cullen matriarch—and Carmen. She's lasted the longest so far; going on six months, I think.
"You don't know what goes on behind closed doors," Rose sighs, adjusting her daughter at her breast. Baby Vera snuffles and grunts, the sounds making me wistful for when Jameson was a baby. I used to love our time together, just me and him while he fed. Fi has always been a daddy's girl, so to finally have a little best friend reliant on me...it was bliss.
"But to have an affair, Rose?" Alice shakes her head, disgust written all over her features. "It's just...wrong. What'll happen to their children?"
Rose raises a perfectly manicured brow at her. "I imagine they'll enjoy getting double birthdays and Christmases and taking advantage of having two sets of rules. Lord knows they'll get away with murder at David's. Useless sack of shit, that bloke."
Not for the first time, I could kiss Rose. She's a blonde bombshell and a total breath of British fresh air.
When Emmett—the second eldest of Esme and Carlisle's four sons; Riley, Emmett, Edward, then Jasper—went off to London for a year and returned with a wife on his arm, none of us could believe it.
That was four years ago now, and she fits into the family like she was born for it. She and Emmett have two gorgeous kids, the perfect blend of the two of them. Sweet baby Vera and Jameson's best buddy in the whole world—except me, obviously—Henry.
Scanning the yard, I spot the two of them splashing their feet in the water pooling on the slip 'n slide. Little cuties.
"...perfect fairytale life like Bella and Riley."
Say what now?
"Sorry, what was that?" I sputter, almost spraying a mouthful of mojito across the table.
Alice shrugs, big smile on her face as Riley reaches over to squeeze my shoulder. "I was just saying...why can't more couples be like you two? High school sweethearts...you have a beautiful home, two gorgeous kiddos, a fantastic life together. You're couple goals."
Irrational, probably slightly maniacal laughter bubbles up from my stomach. How I manage to keep it down, I have no idea.
Oh, Alice. You have no idea, babe.
But at the shrill giggle that does escape, Edward finally looks up. His raised-eyebrow smirk makes me want to throw my plastic unicorn cup at him.
"I...it's...you, umm…excuse me a moment."
Riley's laugh follows me as I slip away from the table. I cringe when he says, "We're just lucky we found each other so young. I hit the jackpot."
Vomit.
Splashing cool water on my face over the kitchen sink, I blow out a big breath and thank God that I don't have to do this again for a while—except, crap.
Yes, I do, because next Saturday it's—
"I hope the dress you're wearing for my birthday next week is shorter than this one."
Edward's breath fanning over my neck and shoulders elicits a full-body shiver. He feels it, I know he does, because he breathes a soft laugh into my hair, pressing a hot kiss against the soft skin below my ear. Tilting my head to give him more access, I watch his devilish grin grow in our reflection in the window overlooking the side yard as his fingertips slip under my dress, drawing patterns on the inside of my thigh.
"Edward…" I moan, too breathy, too desperate. I only had him last night, but I already need him again. My back arches against my will, pressing into his broad chest, against his hips. This is risky, so stupid. His family are just outside. Anybody could walk in at any moment. Riley, Victoria, his parents, siblings...
Groaning my name under his breath, he nips my earlobe before taking a big step backwards.
I almost protest, then I hear the thumping feet on the porch steps. On second thought, I'm glad of the interruption; I was probably about three seconds away from embarrassing myself with a throw-down tantrum.
"Mama, drink?"
"Sure, baby." I pull a smile out for my boy, listening to Edward talking to Jameson as he lifts him to sit up on the kitchen counter. They compare tattoos, Jameson now sporting a smudged orange blob on his hand. He tells me it's Nemo; I believe him. It was all he'd let the face painter do, but he's happy enough with it, and that's what matters.
Slurping water from his refilled sippy cup, he kicks his little legs, giggling when his sneakers thud against the cabinets and the lights around the bottom start flashing. As much fun as he's having…
"Baby, maybe don't kick Aunt Ali and Uncle Jas's cupboards, okay?"
He grunts but does as I asked, so I kiss his head and lift him down before he jumps, eyes following him all the way outside until he's sitting back down with Henry, offering his cup to his cousin.
"He's getting so big," Edward murmurs, reminding me of his presence—as if I could ever truly forget. The heat emanating from his arm brushing mine, the smell of his aftershave, the little hum he makes when Henry splashes Katie on her way past and the boys cackle at her shriek of surprise…
He's impossible to ignore. He's everywhere, all around me even when we're barely touching.
"I almost cried when he thanked me earlier, d'you know that?"
"He's doing really well, isn't he?"
Honestly, I couldn't be more proud. At three years old, Fiorella could hold entire conversations with people. She's a people person, always has been, most comfortable around adults but happy just to be in company. Her brother is the total opposite. He flourishes with careful one-on-one time. There's safety in silence for Jameson, and months after his third birthday, he has ten or so words that he uses when he feels like it.
He has a pretty impressive selection of grunts, whines, and growls, though.
"I can't...you must be so proud." I feel Edward's gaze on the side of my face. "You're an amazing mama, Bella. They're lucky to have you." He hesitates, and my stomach flips. "He's lucky to have you."
I duck my head, adjusting the strap of my dress, trying to find words. The right ones, hell, the wrong ones. Just...words.
He scoffs before I can, shakes his head. "He doesn't deserve you, though."
"And you do?"
As soon as the words are out there, I regret them.
I shouldn't have said that, I know. But I did, they're out there, and I can see how much they've hurt him.
Edward stares down at me, brows pinched, the jaw I love to nibble clenched tight. There's no sign of the happy-go-lucky Edward of a few minutes ago, the one who put his beer down to paint Fiorella's toenails purple and pink with glitter heart appliques.
And as he huffs through his nose before stalking outside, I wonder how many more comments like that I'll have to make before he wises up and ends it with me.
please feel free to keep your thoughts, guesses, and rants (looking at you, May ;) ) coming! I'm loving reading them all.