I'm sorry it's been a while. I could list a bunch of reasons but they're not really important in the grand scheme of things.
fever dream
15
When we pull up outside Em and Rose's house, I do a quick scan of the cars still parked on the driveway and in the street. It looks like almost everyone is still here, except Carmen's little Mini Cooper is gone.
"Looks like Carmen took the kids home."
Edward cuts the engine. "That's probably a good thing." He nods toward Riley's car parked beside Alice's minivan. "Riley's still here."
Riley's supposed to be leaving for an out-of-state meeting tonight. Glancing at the clock on the dash, I realize he's probably already missed his flight.
"Okay," I breathe, pulling up my metaphorical big girl panties. "Let's get this over with."
Meeting me on the sidewalk, Edward hesitates for a second before giving my hand a quick squeeze and leaning in to press a lingering kiss at my temple. My eyes slide closed, but when they pop back open and I move to walk up the path, we're not alone anymore.
"You two have got some nerve, coming back here like this!"
Alice flies down the steps toward us like a woman on a mission. Judging by the lines etched in her forehead and the murderous look on her face, her mission isn't checking that we're okay.
"I can't believe you two!"
"Alice —"
"How could you?" She screeches, jabbing her finger into Edward's chest. "He's your brother!"
She obviously doesn't care that it's after eight and her voice carries; in the corner of my eye I see the neighbor's curtains twitching and wince.
This isn't going to be your average nightly entertainment.
Behind her, people are spilling out of the house. Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Riley…
I feel my stomach flip-flopping when Esme appears, arms around herself, Carlisle at her side. I can't read their expressions from here, but they're not happy, that I can tell.
"Alice, enough. Let's take this indoors."
Shrugging off Rose's hands, she turns her glower on me. "And you." After years of thinking of her as a friend, a great friend, I see the side of her that gave her a reputation at her kids' school as a gossipy little snob. Nose in the air, she sticks the knife in deep enough to make me flinch; I feel Edward stiffening beside me as her words reach him. "I suppose this was bound to happen. Riley was stupid to think marrying a porn star would end any differently. Once a whore, always a—"
The resounding slap of Rose's palm against Alice's face makes me gasp.
"Don't you dare let another word leave your mouth," she warns, scarily quiet.
Palming her no-doubt stinging cheek, Alice tells Jasper to get the kids and storms off toward the minivan. Before she gets in, she shoots me and Edward one last disgusted glare.
"Let's go inside," Emmett calls, wrapping an arm around Rose to lead her into the house. Edward and I have just reached the bottom step when Jasper reappears, Katie and the triplets traipsing ahead of him, sleepy smiles on their faces.
"Hi, Aunt Bella," Katie mumbles around a yawn.
"Hi, sweetie—"
"Let's go!" Alice yells from behind me.
I can't read Jasper's expression as he ushers the kids past us, but he pauses beside Edward like he's going to say something before changing his mind, slinking away with a shake of his head.
My heart is still racing when we gather in the great room. The remnants of the party are scattered around the room; space-themed decorations, candy wrappers, and some of Henry's unwrapped gifts.
Sitting heavily on the sofa between Edward and Rose, I feel like I've entered the Twilight Zone.
"I think it's safe to say we've all had a few shocks today," Esme starts by saying. My chest pangs as she reaches a shaky hand toward Carlisle; he wraps it up in both of his, resting them in his lap. Wordless comfort, because I've hurt her. I've hurt a woman I've seen as my mother figure for years now.
A woman who doesn't even seem able or willing to look at me.
"Maybe, maybe we should all be in the loop?"
With a lump of lead in my stomach and a dry mouth, I listen to Riley explain that we're separating. That our divorce will likely be final by Monday morning. That we didn't tell any of them because we've been working through it ourselves.
And that Edward and I are together now, but the kids don't know and we're still trying to work out the best way to tell them.
I can't bring myself to look at the couple who've been like parents over the years, but I can still hear Esme's sniffles and Carlisle's heavy sigh when Riley finishes speaking.
Doing a quick scan of the other faces in the room, I find Emmett's perma-grin missing and Rose's eyes trained intently on me. Riley looks calm, but I know him. I know the calm exterior is hiding a maelstrom of emotions. It sort of kills me that it isn't my job to help with that anymore, that he probably wouldn't let me.
And Edward...Edward offers me a small smile, a squeeze of my thigh. He's here. He's here and he's keeping calm just like I need him to.
"And...the baby?" Esme finally asks the question they're probably all thinking.
"Edward's," I breathe shakily as Riley's throat bobs with a hard swallow. "The baby is Edward's."
It's obvious they're all putting things together, connecting the dots.
Working out the timing.
Esme's silent "oh" speaks volumes, and despite this whole mess being my fault, or at least partly, I want to cry. I want to bury my face in Edward's chest and sob because this is so horrible, so hard, but I have nobody to blame but myself. I don't deserve anyone's sympathy, least of all mine. I've hurt some of the people I care about most in the world and that hurt...it won't go away. Not any time soon.
As I look around at them, Edward and Riley's family but also mine through marriage and a shared life, I know I'll never be able to make this right.
Rose is my best friend and even her support tonight will come at a price. She's looking at me differently; there'll be an inquisition over our morning pastries tomorrow at work, if she even shows up.
I wouldn't blame her if she didn't.
When I was sneaking around with Edward I don't think I ever really thought it would come to this. I never allowed myself to picture us sitting down with everybody to explain that we love each other and we want to be together. I definitely never would have pictured it happening this way.
"I think we all need to just go home and cool off," Em finally sighs. "It's been a lot to process and we're all a bit on edge, right?"
"Right," Riley agrees, reaching over to squeeze his brother's shoulder. "And really, this is between us, anyway," he adds, motioning between himself, me, and Edward. "If I can handle this, you guys are going to have to. In the meantime, Fi and Jameson are my priority and they don't need to know about any of this until Bella and I say so."
"Of course," Esme murmurs, and I can't resist glancing at her. My breath catches, her tear-filled green eyes staring right back at me, and for the first time since I was fifteen years old and she took me under her wing, I don't see unconditional love shining back at me.
~ fd ~
Rose doesn't show up the next morning.
Or the one after that, or the one after that.
The next time I see her it's through tears that won't stop falling as I stare at the piece of paper ending my marriage.
"Oh, bloody hell," she breathes, closing my office door behind her. Rushing around my desk, she wraps me up in her arms from behind, her cheek pressed against mine as she rocks us side to side. "It's okay, babe. It's all going to be okay."
When I finally pull myself together, she drags me over to the couch by the window where we sit with our legs curled up underneath us, my hands wrapped in hers, resting on her knee.
Sniffling, I search her face for signs of the disgust and hatred I saw in Alice's.
"You can quit waiting for me to lose my mind. That's Alice's gig." Her eyes widen. "Did you see that coming? Gee whizz, I thought her little bitty head was going to pop right off!"
Snorting, I wipe my damp cheek on my shoulder. "She's always been a little...judgemental. I knew my job bothered her, I guess I just didn't realize how much."
Rolling her eyes, Rose sighs. "I don't get it. The girl will go to a Victoria's Secret party and tell all and sundry about her oh-so-exciting vanilla sexscapades with Jas, but film it? Oh, we must alert the church elders."
Said it before, I'll say it again—I love Rose to death.
"She has every right to be mad," I point out, sobering up a little.
"She's not married to Edward or Riley. It's got nothing to do with her."
"You were mad, though. I could tell." Smiling sadly, I squeeze her hands. "You have a crap poker face, Rose."
"Ah, but you don't know the reason I was mad at you." Tugging a hand free, she flicks my ear and laughs when I yelp. "How could you keep that from me? We don't have secrets!" Clicking her tongue, she shakes her head at me. "It all makes sense now. You looked like you were going to vomit or kill him the entire time he was filming with Molly. I thought it was just because you knew Riley would be mad or something. I had no idea it's because you were bloody jealous."
My cheeks flame. "Rose…"
"What? It's true, isn't it? Bloody Nora, I'd be a raging lunatic if I had to watch Em stick it to some hot young thing."
"Oh, babe," I sigh, feeling awful for smiling, but I can't help it. I can always count on Rose to have my back and that's invaluable. I'm so grateful for her friendship that I start crying, again, and of course that's how Edward finds me.
"Shit, what's happened?"
Through my teary eyes I see the suspicious look he shoots Rose as he drops to his knees beside me. Gently rubbing my back, he reminds me to breathe and sighs when I assure him I'm okay.
"Hormones," I sniffle, mustering a weak smile.
"Right, hormones…"
"You ain't seen nothing yet, bucko," Rose tells him with a grin. "You've got a whole world of hot-mess-express to look forward to yet."
It's Edward's turn to get a flick on the ear then. He grunts and leans back, shooting me a "what the fuck" look; I shrug. I don't understand Rose, I have no idea why he's getting the ear flick treatment.
"I could brain the pair of you for letting us all find out about you the way you did, but I had a brainwave over the weekend."
"A brainwave…" Edward says, looking very sceptical and still mildly miffed as he rubs his ear.
"Yes. You two are going to have enough bollocks to deal with without your family being dickheads as well. Like Riley said, if he can accept the two of you, the rest of us should be able to. I'm not going to lie, it's a little weird thinking of the two of you as a couple, but if you're happy, I'm happy."
I pretty much throw myself at her; thankfully she catches me, laughing in my ear as she squeezes me tight.
"Besides," she adds as I lean back, Edward straightening up to kiss the top of my head now he's sure I'm all right. "It doesn't matter how much crap any of us give you." She turns her attention to Edward, whose face gets a little pale as she points out, "You, Uncle Edward, have got to win over Fiorella."
All right, long story short, my writing mojo has been non-existent for a while now. I have the rest of this story written and edited so my goal now is to get it up for you guys, if anybody is even still here reading lol. I'm going to aim to post maybe a chapter every couple of days until we're done, so keep your eyes out for that. In the meantime, I'm really hoping it'll kickstart my mojo and get me writing again, so if you could cross your finger for me I'd appreciate it massively! xo