Commissary (DCAU)
Superman headed to the cafeteria with a whistle on his lips and a bounce in his step. His job at the Daily Planet was going well, his love life with Lois couldn't be more perfect, the League was running like a well-oiled machine, and he'd just returned from saving a school bus filled with children from a fatal accident.
Life was indeed exceptionally good.
Entering the commissary, he was met by a boisterous lunch crowd of his fellow teammates and civilian staff. He nodded and waved at several friends as he wove his way to the back of the line. Picking up a tray, he patiently waited his turn, trying not to listen to Dove and Ice as they made plans for a tryst later tonight.
"I can't wait," Ice practically purred as she leaned into her boyfriend, her hands coming to rest on his chest.
"Me too," Dove agreed. "I wish we could go now, but I have monitor duty in an hour."
"I promise to make it worth the wait," she promised him.
"I love it when you do that thing with your tongue and—"
Dove stopped short when he realized the Man of Steel was standing right behind them in line. "I mean, yeah…we definitely need to get our mission reports done before we leave."
"What?" Ice questioned him, noticing how he kept tilting his head to the side. That's when she noticed Superman standing right there behind them. Her cheeks instantly tinged pink as she quickly turned away in embarrassment. "Oh look! Baklava!"
Grabbing Dove's hand, Ice immediately pulled him out of line to get in the dessert line. Superman did his best to school his features as he looked straight ahead, pretending that he didn't hear anything about their romantic plans for the evening.
He did his best to not eavesdrop on conversations happening around him, but it was extremely hard when one had super hearing. It was even more difficult when they were standing right in front of him, discussing and making plans for a rendezvous.
Moving forward, he found himself standing behind Wally. "Are you kidding me?" Flash cried. "Dude, they suck. Now, Central City's team…that's who you need to be rooting for."
Booster Gold gave him an incredulous look. "They're terrible," he told him. "You need to find yourself a new city."
Flash was up in his face as his forefinger repeatedly poked Booster Gold in the chest. "Never talk about my Central City that way ever again or we're going to have more than words between us, my friend."
Gold merely smiled as he turned away from the speedster to take a bowl of Jello. "Sorry, Flash, but you don't really scare me."
"What did you just say?" Flash demanded to know with a glare. "You know I'm an original Founder, right?"
"Uh, Flash, you're next," Superman interjected, pointing at Harry who was ready to serve him.
"Oh, right," Flash muttered before requesting six triple cheeseburgers.
"Need the Flash Special again, Earl!" Harry yelled to the cook behind him.
"One Flash Special coming right up!" Earl yelled back over his shoulder.
"Hey, they named a special after me," Flash proudly said, elbowing Supes in the ribs. "Bet no one else around here has a plate named after them."
"That's because no one here eats like you do," Superman reminded him.
"So, what did you think of the big game last night between Central City and Gotham?" Flash asked him. "I mean it wasn't the best game, but at least Gotham didn't totally blow out Central City."
"I missed the first part of the game," Superman admitted. "I was in Guatemala. I got home just in time to see Fletcher's slam dunk over your Kramer's head."
"Thanks for reminding me, Big Guy," Flash grumbled as they made their way to the table where Green Lantern, Batman, and Green Arrow sat eating their lunch.
"Yeah, but your Gotham Knights won't beat my Star City," Ollie boasted. "We're eight and one."
"Gotham is nine and zero," Batman pointed out.
Superman took the seat across from Batman, immediately taking note of the cross expression on his cowled face. He wondered what had the Dark Knight's bat boxers in a bundle this time. It could be just because it was Wednesday or that the sun wasn't shining in Gotham.
Then again, he almost always looked that way. In fact, Green Arrow didn't look much better now that he thought about it. They both looked pretty upset about something and he had a feeling it had absolutely nothing to do with basketball.
"So, what's going?" Superman asked, looking around the table at the gathered male superheroes. "Green Arrow and Batman look like they're about to take someone's head off."
"Bats always looks like that," Flash joked, receiving a low growl from the Dark Knight. "Uh, but yeah…he does look moodier than usual. Did you get a scratch on the Batmobile?"
"I'm fine," Batman stated with a steely scowl. "Ask Arrow how he's doing."
"What's wrong with you?" Flash asked Ollie.
"Dinah and I had a fight and now she's not talking to me," Ollie revealed. "I'm trying to figure out a way to get her back."
"And your problem?" Superman asked as he looked at Batman.
"I don't have a problem," Batman ground out.
"Diana isn't talking to him either," Flash announced, receiving a deadly Batglare in return. "At least, that's what I thought I heard. I could be completely wrong, though. It's been known to happen from time to time."
"You and Diana aren't together…are you?" Superman asked.
"No, of course not," Batman bit out, clenching his fork to the point of nearly bending it. "Why would we be together?"
"Because you want to be," John added with a smirk.
"You do?" Superman exclaimed in shock.
"I do not," Batman spat out, growing angrier by the second.
"Come on," Flash said. "Everyone knows you're in love with her."
"You are?" Superman demanded to know, stunned by this conversation. How in the world had he missed it?
"No, I am not in love with Diana," the Dark Knight vehemently denied.
"You can't tell us that you haven't dreamed of some Wonder love," Flash said. "If the Batmobile is rockin', don't come knockin'."
"You have?" Superman questioned Batman, growing more panicked by the moment. He was a freaking investigative reporter and the Man of Steel. How could have not seen the signs?
"I have not dreamed of anything like that," Batman growled, gauntleted hands curling into furious fists primed to do massive damage. "I mean I have normal male dreams, but they don't include Diana."
"That's just not right, man," Wally replied, shaking his head in disbelief. "What red-blooded male doesn't dream of Wondy, especially in that star-spangled uniform."
Batman growled low in his throat, his lips curling into a sneer. "Diana is not a sex object," he stated. "She is a valued teammate and friend."
"Me thinks he doth protest too much," Ollie decided with a grin, clapping Batman on the back. "It's okay, Bats. Join the crowd. John is having female problems too. We can start a club."
"I'm not having problems," John insisted with a frown. "Everything's going great with Vixen."
"And yet you're still in love with Shayera," Flash reminded him.
"I am not," John claimed, receiving a round of various forms of disbelief from all dining at his table. "Alright, alright…I am."
"Dude, you need to choose before they choose for you," Flash told him.
"Yeah, in fact, there's a whole table of women over there probably discussing all of us right now," Ollie pointed out.
"Hey, Supes, tell us what they're talking about," Flash suggested.
Clark's eyes widened in disbelief. "I can't do that," he contended. "That's illegal."
"It's not illegal," John replied. "It's just…not right."
"Please, Supes," Ollie begged, clasping both hands in front of him in a show of complete desperation. "I have to know what Dinah is saying. I'm dying to win her back."
"How pathetic," Batman spat out with disdain before taking a drink of his coffee. "Life is better without women."
Ollie looked at him as if he'd just lost his mind. "Like you wouldn't love to know what Diana thinks about you."
"I couldn't care less what Wonder Woman or anyone else thinks of me," he icily stated.
"So, you don't care that Zatanna is asking Diana if you two have kissed yet?" Superman inquired with a grin.
Batman visibly stiffened. It was a minute movement but for Batman, it spoke volumes. "She didn't ask her that."
"Wanna bet?" Flash asked.
"If Zatanna didn't ask that, then why is Diana blushing?" John questioned him with a chuckle, pointing at the Amazon with his fork.
Batman steeled himself to keep from turning around to look at her. They were just messing with him, and he wasn't going to fall for it. "You all need a hobby that doesn't include me or Diana."
"But it's so much fun," Flash whined. "You're so perfect for each other and you make a great topic of conversation."
"What's the bet up to now on Bats and Wondy?" Ollie asked.
"I think the jackpot is up to ten thousand dollars," Wally replied.
Bruce snorted as he took a bite of his lunch. "You can bet all you want, but it's not going to happen."
"Come on, Bats," Flash said. "I know you are the king of self-control, but not even you can keep yourself from falling in love with Wondy. It's impossible."
"Now that I can bet on," Batman tried to tell them.
Flash looked at Superman who had been quiet for several minutes. "What is it?" he asked. "What are they talking about now?"
XXX
"Come now, Wondy," Zatanna pressed, leaning in with a conspiratorial air. "Tell us everything about the big, bad Bat."
Diana shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly as she played with her straw in her iced mocha. "I don't know what you want me to tell you. Batman and I are just good friends."
"Yeah, yeah, we already know all that," Shayera said, dismissively waving her hand. "Now, tell us the good stuff that we don't know yet."
"Like is Batman a good kisser?" Dinah questioned her.
"He was a good kisser when I kissed him in that Indian restaurant," she revealed.
"Wow!" Zee exclaimed. "Back the train up. When was this?"
"During the Thanagarian invasion, when we were on the run," Diana explained. "I kissed him to keep from being caught by the Thanagarians."
"Did he kiss you back?" Dinah demanded to know.
Diana could feel her face growing warm, hoping that it was visible on her cheeks. "Yes," she admitted.
"And?" Zee nearly squealed.
"And what? He was a good kisser," Diana replied, trying to keep from smiling. "I thought we were talking about Dinah and her fight with Ollie?"
"We were, but we're moving on," Dinah replied. "We want to know more about you and Batman."
"There is no us," she insisted, throwing up her hands in exasperation.
"But you want to, right?" Zee continued the interrogation.
The corners of Diana's lips quirked as she considered it. "Let's just say I wouldn't mind it."
"You're so evasive," Shayera groused. "I think we need to tie her up in her lasso and get the truth out of her."
"I think we need to use the lasso on both Diana and Batman," Dinah suggested. "We can make them admit their feelings for each other. Then, maybe Wondy can get some serious love action from the Bat."
"Listen, I appreciate your interest in my love life, but if it happens great," Diana told them. "If it doesn't, then it doesn't. It's not something that I'm going to worry about."
"I'm not so sure about that," Zatanna replied. "You didn't see how Batman reacted when Circe turned you into a pig. He was a man on a mission."
"Do tell," Shayera insisted, leaning in. "Tell us everything."
"Batman was beside himself with worry," Zee revealed. "He was obsessed with getting Diana back. He even swallowed his pride and sang for her freedom."
"No way!" Dinah exclaimed, causing people at other tables to look at them. "He actually sang for Diana?"
"Am I Blue," Zee informed them. "Brought us to tears. It was beautiful and so romantic."
"He sang for the woman he loves," Shayera said. "Color me shocked."
"Batman does not love me," Diana insisted. "He only did it to reverse Circe's spell—nothing more."
"Right because he would've done that for Superman," Dinah drawled, rolling her eyes. "You two have it so bad for each other."
"I've never seen two people more perfect together," Zee agreed.
"Now we just need to get them to see it," Shayera told them.
"Yes, but how?" Dinah asked.
"We just need to lock them in a room together and force them to talk," Zee suggested.
"No, no talk," Shayera interjected. "They need a good, hot kiss to get that spark flaming."
"Maybe that's what you and John need," Zee suggested.
"Whoa! Where did that come from?" Shay asked. "I thought we were discussing Batman and Diana."
"We were, but while we're at it we might as well fix you up too," Zee decided.
"We need to find someone for Zatanna," Dinah claimed.
"Don't worry about me," she reassured them. "I've got options. What we need to do is help Diana."
"Hey!" Diana interjected. "Do I get a say in this?"
"No!" all three heroes declared at once.
"Shouldn't we help Dinah get back with Ollie?" Diana tried again.
"No," Dinah insisted. "This is more fun."
"That's what you think," Diana murmured.
"What do you think the guys are talking about over at the other table?" Shayera asked.
"Probably something dumb like sports," Zee decided. "Now, back to Bats and Wondy."
XXX
"So, what's going on over there?" Flash demanded. "Tell us!"
"They're trying to figure out a way to get Diana and Batman together," Superman revealed, looking rather sheepishly at his friend. "Sorry, I think you're sunk. Your fate is sealed, my friend."
"You're as good as married," Flash agreed.
"This is so junior high," Batman uttered with a scowl.
"I was hoping Dinah was crying to them about how to work things out with me," Ollie bemoaned.
"Diana wanted to, but Canary felt that Batman and Diana were more interesting to discuss," Superman told them.
"Ouch," Flash muttered, patting Ollie's shoulder. "Sorry, Arrow. Looks like you're on your own."
"The Watchtower has been turned into the Dating Game," Batman ground out.
"You know I bet if Batman got some Wondy love he'd be a whole lot happier," Flash ventured. "He may even crack a real smile."
"You know I think we should give Bats a break," Ollie said. "If he wants to be a lonely, grumpy old Bat his entire life, then we should let him."
"I go out with a lot of women," Batman insisted.
"Notches on your bedpost don't count," John told him.
"That's just an image," he stated. "It's not all true."
"Not 'all'," Wally pointed out.
"But none of those women can come close to comparing to Diana," John reminded him.
"Can we get back to talking about Arrow's relationship problems?" Batman growled.
"I like that idea," Ollie readily agreed. "Dinah's really mad at me this time. I don't know if I'll be able to win her back."
"What did you do?" Flash asked.
"I'm getting more coffee," Batman announced, standing to his feet and walking away from the table.
Batman made his way towards the coffee station at the same time Diana made her way towards the iced mocha machine. They tried to keep from making eye contact as they refilled their drinks, but the tension was thick and undeniable even to them.
Diana cast a sidelong glance at him, momentarily biting at her bottom lip. "How's your day going?" she tentatively asked.
"Good," he simply stated, looking at her askance. "How are you?"
"I'm well thank you," she replied. "Are you guys talking about anything interesting?"
"The usual," he cautiously revealed. "Sports, missions…Ollie's love life."
Diana chuckled softly as she hooked a curly lock behind her ear. "I heard," she confessed. "Dinah's pretty mad at him."
"He probably deserves it," he told her, a slight twitch of amusement at the corner of his mouth.
"I wouldn't be surprised."
"Anything interesting being discussed at your table?" he asked, turning towards her.
"Oh, um…not really," she admitted with a shy smile. "Just girl talk."
Batman nodded in response, searching for something else to say to her. He knew he couldn't linger here too long, or he'd never hear the end of it from the guys at his table. It was bad enough as it was listening to them go on and on about his love life. They all thought they knew so much when in reality they were all just a big hot mess when it came to love and matters of the heart.
"Well, I guess I'll see you later," he said, mentally kicking himself for such a lame line. He was Bruce Wayne for crying out loud and that was the best he could come up with. He was losing his edge.
"Yes, I'll see you later," she agreed, her lips curling into a grin as she walked past him back to her table.
Sitting down at her table, her friends immediately jumped her. "Well?" Zee exclaimed. "What did he say? Did he ask you out?"
"No," Diana replied with a look of annoyance. "It was just small talk."
"You two suck when it comes to love," Shayera groaned. "We really need to teach you about flirting."
"I don't need lessons in flirting," Diana maintained. "I'm perfectly fine handling myself."
"Obviously not," Dinah added. "Ollie is the king of flirting. You should have seen how he flirted with me when we first met. He was practically strutting like a peacock."
"And you fell for it," Shayera reminded her.
"Hook, line, and sinker," Dinah replied with a sigh. "What can I say? I have a thing for cocky blonds with goatees."
"Bats definitely has a thing for you," Zee told her. "You better jump on that fast because I know there are women on this Watchtower who would get in line for a chance with the Bat."
"You're kidding," Shayera stated, stunned. "I thought everyone was too scared of him."
"There's something about tall, dark, and scary that attracts women," Zee revealed. "I had a thing for him at one time."
"You did?" Diana asked, taken aback by the confession.
"Years ago when he was training with my father," she told them.
Diana's hand went to her commlink, J'onn voice filling her ear. "I'm on my way, J'onn."
"I'll be right there," Batman told J'onn who had also received the same message.
Batman and Wonder Woman both headed for the door of the commissary, exiting with a rush of relief. "That was unbearable," Diana told him.
"You're telling me," he said. "I was about ready to throw a smoke bomb for a diversion."
"Thank Hera J'onn came to our rescue when he did," she replied as they made their way to her quarters.
"I sent him a mental distress signal to save us."
Diana grinned at him as she punched in the code to her quarters. "Do you think we should tell them?"
Batman shook his head as they entered, locking the door behind him. "No way," he readily decided as he removed his cowl and gauntlets, tossing them onto a nearby chair. "Let them suffer."
"I love how you think," she murmured as her arms slipped around his neck, her lips finding his in a heated kiss.
A/N: Just a little fun Justice League gossiping to make your day! :)