Thomas looked wan, eyelids at half-mast, as though he hadn't slept for a week. Which was entirely possible, given what he'd gone through. Sleep disturbances were common after mental tampering. I'd vacillated between lethargy and insomnia in the beginning. Even after years of therapy, I only slept well a few days out of the week. Lasciel's tampering had left a hole in his psyche, which his demon would try to fill, giving it an edge in a fight against his conscience.

We'd been sitting in silence for a while, staring at the sparsely decorated wall of the cabin. He was closed off, unwilling or unable to talk to me about what had happened. I'd been sitting nearby, just in case. I was fairly confident I'd undone what I could. The rest would take time. It didn't mean I wanted to leave him stewing in it.

"You should sleep," I said, patting the cot. "If you want to lay down, I can take a seat on the floor. I'm sure there's something I can do to entertain myself while you nap."

"I don't need a nap," he said quietly. "I need to talk with you. I've been meaning to for a while now, but I wasn't sure how to broach the topic."

My stomach performed an uneasy roll. Nothing good ever followed after the words 'we need to talk.' I wanted to leave the room, pretending I hadn't heard him, trying to delay the inevitable. Thomas was wiped out. There was no guarantee he'd be able to catch me. But this would happen soon, whether I liked it or not. It was better to rip the band-aid off quickly.

"You're...well, breaking up is the wrong phrase but...you're leaving, aren't you?"

Thomas' head bowed. He wouldn't look me in the eye. "Yes. We can't do this anymore and you know it. It's not fair."

"I know," I whispered. I wanted to take his hand, to give him some physical reassurance, but that would only make it harder. "I keep using you, and I'm sorry."

He let out a bitter laugh. "You're not using me, Molly. I haven't done anything against my will. It's a struggle to keep my hands off you if we're in the same room. You're brimming over with emotion and I..." He closed his eyes briefly. "I want it. I want you, and that's the problem."

"It is?"

He nodded wearily. "Lasciel didn't shove the idea of enthralling you into my head. It was already there. It's been there from the beginning. You're so hurt. So lonely. Easy prey. You wouldn't struggle. I could have you, and you'd let me because the world would finally be quiet. No more thought, no more suffering. I tell myself that the bonds would be gentle. Silk scarves, instead of manacles. Just there to keep you from hurting yourself. But it's a pretty lie wrapped in silver ribbon. It's wrong. I know it's wrong. But, God help me, I want it anyway. If I let myself stay near you, you'll start to want it too. You deserve better than that."

I shivered. Thomas was right. It was in line with my past behavior. I hadn't stayed with Lasciel for shits and giggles. I'd stayed because it was far easier to handle the thoughts and emotions of one creature, instead of experiencing the pain and joy and wonder of the world in technicolor and surround sound. Thomas would smooth my thoughts until I was vacant, empty glass. He'd take care of me, make sure I was comfortable, and keep me from harm. I could see the appeal. If the lives of so many weren't depending on me, I'd have been tempted. But I couldn't defend anyone from a cage, gilded or not.

"Is that why you left?" I asked. "Because the urge became too strong?"

Thomas' eyes flashed briefly silver. It was the most animation I'd seen on his face since we dragged him on board the boat.

"No. I've struggled not to for months. I left because I gave in. I started the process. Lasciel may have nudged me toward it to keep you compliant long enough to be captured, but the urge is there. It's always there around you. Part of you has never left Zero, Molly. That urge is in you, the edge of rot overripe fruit. It's just morphed. Slow, passive suicide, rather than the acute need to end things. There's a part of you that wants to die. You feel like you deserve it. And there's a part of me that wants to give it to you. It won't be la petite mort. It will be mort, period."

I didn't have an answer, so I stared straight ahead, fighting to swallow around a lump in my throat. He was right. I knew he was right, but it still hurt to hear. I was a moth to his flame. Eventually, he'd burn my wings off, and I'd thank him for doing it. This was what was right. It didn't make it easy.

"What will you do?" I asked after a while.

He shrugged. "What I always do. I'll survive."

"I love you. I hope you know that. I'm not in love. But I'll always care. We're family."

Thomas finally cracked a smile. "I'm fairly sure that family doesn't engage in the sort of sexual gymnastics we're prone to, outside of very rural parts of Alabama."

I snorted. "I never said we were a healthy family. I just want you to know that you can always call."

I gave in and reached across the space between us, taking his hand, and giving it a gentle squeeze. I couldn't tell if the hollow ache in his chest was his pain or mine.

"Thanks."

I nodded and left. There was nothing more to do or say. He'd made up his mind.

Freydis' face scrunched in concern when I reappeared on the deck. She was navigating the ship slowly, mindful of the weather. She'd be back with Thomas another day to retrieve his trawler, but at the moment he wasn't in any shape to steer himself to shore. I wouldn't have trusted him to do it, even if he was.

"Is he okay?"

"He'll live. Still up for that coffee? I'm freezing."

Freydis scrutinized my expression for a moment. "You look like you need something stronger. I have mead at home. Do you want some?"

I grinned. Good humor thawed a little of the ice in my stomach. "Trying to get me drunk enough to take my top off?"

She returned my smile with a fierce, joyful bearing of teeth. "I won't object if you feel so inclined, but no. You look like you need a friend."

"Is that what we are?"

"If you like."

I thought about it. It had been a long time since I'd had a real friend. I'd been in Summer the last time I felt this comfortable around another woman. It was simple, uncomplicated, and I could feel that Freydis was content to keep it that way if that's what I wanted. She trusted me, to a point, which was a damn sight more than anyone but Thomas had been willing to give me. I was losing someone today. It seemed oddly fitting I'd gain someone as well.

"I'd like that a lot."

"I'll still kick your ass in practice, no matter how good you look without a top."

I smiled harder. It felt good. I'd cling to that feeling until the ache went away.

"So noted."