Chapter 13: Mr. Cellophane
The lights dimmed in the Ink and Paint Club, drawing all focus to the still illuminated stage. At the same time, the band, a quartet called Jim and Crows, began to play a jazz melody. A moment later, Jessica stepped onto a stage, dressed in a tight, low-cut red dress with sequins that sparkled beneath the stage lights, a microphone in her hands.
"And you said what I was wearing earlier was risque?" Anna muttered as she leaned over to Elsa, who was looking at Jessica with wide eyes.
"Good evening, everyone," Jessica said into the microphone, placing one of her gloved hands on her hip as she spoke, "And welcome to another Ink and Paint Club Music Night!"
This elicited a round of applause from the crowd, causing Jessica to smirk.
"Now, as you know, this is an open mic event, and we'll be opening up the stage to whoever wants to get up here and perform," Jessica explained as she looked over the crowd, "But to start off the night, we're going to listen to a performance by one of our regulars. So, let's hear a round of applause for Dodger!"
With that, Jessica stepped to the side as she gestured towards the center of the stage. A moment later, the curtains parted and a dog trotted onto the stage. The dog was a Jack Russel terrier, possessing white fur with brown spots and floppy ears. A red bandanna was tied around its neck, and a pair of black sunglasses covered his eyes.
"Is that a dog?" Kristoff asked in confusion as the rest of the Club broke out into applause, the Jack Russel, Dodger, grinning and nodding towards the crowd in appreciation.
"How you all doing tonight?" Dodger asked as he reached the center of the stage, earning another round of cheers.
"Oh, he's one of the talking ones," Anna observed, "I'm not used to that yet."
"Ralph, is there any reason why some animals can talk here and some can't?" Elsa inquired as she leaned over to the wrecker, not noticing how close she had come to him as she did so.
"Uh, I, uh," Ralph muttered, nervously glancing down at Elsa as he spoke, feeling the aura of cool air that seemed to hang around the blonde, "I mean, I don't really know. I think it depends on the movie they come from."
"That's too bad," Anna commented, propping her chin up with her hand as she looked at Kristoff, "It'd be pretty cool to hear what Sven had to say. I bet he doesn't sound anything like the voice you use."
"My impression of Sven is spot on, thank you very much," Kristoff replied as he crossed his arms and smirked at Anna who rolled her eyes in reply.
"Alright, everyone, I think I've got a good song to start us out tonight," Dodger continued.
"Piano Man!" someone from the crowd called, earning a round of cheers from the crowd.
"Nah, pal, that's an end of the night song," Dodger replied, "What we need is something to get us started."
Turning back to the band, Dodger looked over his sunglasses at the crows and smirked.
"Hit it, Jim!" Dodger called, prompting the band to pick up with a tune.
"Come out Virginia, don't let 'em wait," Dodger sang, causing Ralph to blink in surprise at the quality of the dog's voice, "You Catholic girls start much too late."
"Aw but sooner or later it comes down to faith," Dodger continued as he began to dance about the stage, "Oh I might as well be the one!"
"Well, they showed you a statue, told you to pray," Dodger sang as he pranced down the long center stretch of the stage, "They built you a temple and locked you away!"
"Aw, but they never told you the price that you pay," Dodger went on as he reached the end of the stage and struck a pose, "For things that you might have done!"
"Only the good die young!" Dodger sang as he threw his head back, earning a round of applause from the crowd, "That's what I said! Only the good die young, only the good die young."
"Wow, he's great!" Anna exclaimed, a bright smile on her face.
You might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd.
"Ralph, what type of music is this?" Elsa questioned, raising her voice so that she could be heard over Dodger singing, "It's very….peppy."
We ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud.
"I guess you'd call it rock and roll," Ralph explained, "In fact, I know this song. It's weird but that dog sounds exactly like…."
We might be laughing a bit too loud.
"Billy Joel?" a sultry voice suggested. Looking towards the voice, the group discovered Jessica approaching their table, "How are you doing tonight, Ralph?"
Aw but that never hurt no one.
"Hey Jessica," Ralph replied with a smirk before gesturing at the others, "Jessica, these are my friends Kristoff, Anna and Elsa. Guys, this is Jessica Rabbit, the owner and manager of the Ink and Paint Club."
So come on Virginia show me a sign,
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Your Highnesses," Jessica said, curtsying towards the sisters as much as her tight dress would allow, and bowing enough that both Ralph and Kristoff glanced away with blushes on her face.
Send up a signal and I'll throw you the line,
"And it's a pleasure to meet you as well…." Elsa replied, trailing off as she looked Jessica over for a second before grabbing the ends of her cardigan and wrapping them around herself, "Madam?"
The stained-glass curtain you're hiding behind,
"Madam works fine," Jessica confirmed with a smirk, quirking an appraising eyebrow at Elsa as she spoke, "I have to say, I'm honored that you decided to visit my humble establishment."
Never let's in the sun,
"Well, I had asked Ralph to show us around a bit," Anna spoke up, "He thought this would be the best place to come."
Darlin' only the good die young!
"I've found that Ralph is nothing if not a loyal friend and customer," Jessica said, laying a hand on Ralph's shoulder while scanning the others with her one eye not hidden by a curtain of red hair, "I can see why he took the time to show a cute couple like you around."
Woah, I tell ya, only the good die young!
At this, Anna ducked her head and blushed, while Kristoff glanced away from her while scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. Elsa, however, was focused on the hand Jessica was laying on Ralph's shoulder, an alien feeling of jealousy brewing in her chest.
Only the good die young,
"So, uh, what was it you were saying about the uh, the performer's voice?" Elsa asked as she cleared her throat loudly.
You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation!
"Dodger has Billy Joel's voice," Jessica explained as she looked back towards the stage, where the dog was currently prancing theatrically atop the band's piano as he sung, "He's a rather famous singer, and he provided the voice for Dodger in his movie."
You got a brand new soul, mmm, and a cross of gold,
"What do you mean "provided his voice"?" Anna asked in confusion.
But Virginia they didn't give you quite enough information!
"I mean when they make these films, they need someone to play the characters," Jessica elaborated, "You know, actors. Sometimes rather famous ones at that."
You didn't count on me, when you were counting on your rosary, oh woah woah!
"So, that's why this dog can sing so well?" Kristoff asked as he gestured towards the stage where Dodger was still performing, "Because a singer played him?"
They say there's a heaven for those who will wait,
"More or less," Jessica confirmed with a nod, "I don't even think he needs to practice. I think in a lot of ways, these voices we have just seem to remember the things they've sung before."
Some say it's better but I say it ain't,
"Remember?" Anna questioned with a furrowed brow.
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints,
"I don't know how else to explain it," Jessica replied with a shrug.
The sinners are much more fun,
Looking away from Anna, Jessica couldn't help but notice Elsa was glaring at the hand the redhead still had resting on Ralph's shoulder. Seeing this, a smirk pulled at the corner of Jessica's lips.
You know that only the good die young!
"You know, I forgot to ask, but what brings you out here this evening, Your Highness?" Jessica asked as she began slowly rub Ralph's shoulder, "I know Ralph was showing your sister and her…."
I tell ya, only the good die young!
"Boyfriend?" Jessica inquired as she arched a ruby red brow at Anna and Kristoff.
Only the good die young,
This set of a burst of mumbled and stuttered speech from the both of them as they both tried to explain the nature of their relationship, causing Jessica to roll her eye and cut them off with a dismissive wave of her hand.
Well your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation!
"God, I'm happy I was never actually that young," Jessica sighed before she turned her attention back to Elsa, "What I'm saying is I know why Ralph, your sister and her boy toy are out tonight, but what brings you here, Your Highness?"
Aw she never cared for me, but did she ever say a prayer for me? oh woah woah!
Glancing between Jessica's hand and the almost mocking smile the other woman seemed to be giving her, Elsa squared her shoulders before laying her hand on top of Ralph's, causing the wrecker's eyes to go wide.
Come out come out come out Virginia don't let 'em wait!
"I'm here to spend time with my sister and our friends," Elsa answered, her gaze focused on Jessica, ignoring the surprised expression on Ralph's face, "If that's alright with you?"
You Catholic girls start much too late!
"Of course," Jessica replied with a shrug as she slid her hand off of Ralph's shoulder, her smirk never wavering, "My husband and I always like seeing people here with their….friends."
Oh sooner or later it comes down to faith,
"...Husband?" Elsa repeated, her expression turning surprised at the word.
Oh I might as well be the one,
"That's right, I thought I heard someone mention that you were married to Roger, the little rabbit guy," Anna spoke up, causing Elsa's eyes to go wider.
You know that only the good die young,
"That's him," Jessica confirmed, her gaze still focused on Elsa, "My one and only."
I'm telling you baby,
Feeling as though she had somehow been had, Elsa slowly turned her gaze towards where she still had her hand resting on top of Ralph's. Blushing furiously, Elsa lifted her eyes to look Ralph in the face. Ralph looked at her for a moment, his expression unreadable before a smile slowly spread across his face. Seeing this, Elsa shyly smiled back.
You know that only the good die young!
At this point, Dodger had finished his song, and the audience erupted into applause, causing both Elsa and Ralph to blink as they were pulled back to reality, the two quickly pulling apart as they glanced around, watching as the Jack Russel gave a bow to the crowd.
"Well, now would be a good time to bring up the other reason I wanted to talk to you," Jessica said as the applause died down.
"What's that?" Elsa questioned as she looked up at Jessica in confusion.
"Well, like I said, this is the part where we open the stage up to whoever wants to perform," Jessica explained, "Now, I think Dodger is one of the best singers we've got around here, but I think you might be able to give him a run for his money, Your Highness."
"Why do you say that?" Elsa asked, still not understanding.
"Because you share a voice with a famous singer as well," Jessica explained, "Idina Menzel, a legend in musical theater."
"Wow, that's really cool," Anna said with wide eyes, "I don't think I've heard Elsa sing since we were kids."
"Well, you might get to hear her tonight," Jessica stated, smiling as Elsa's eyes went wide, "If she's up for it."
"You want me to sing?" Elsa asked quietly, "In front of all these people?"
"You're uncomfortable singing in front of people?" Ralph questioned in surprise, "I'm sorry, but don't you rule a country?"
"Ruling and giving proclamations is different from getting up in front of people and trying to entertain them," Elsa all but whispered, shaking her head as she spoke, "I….I can't get in front of these people and sing. I might….I might…."
It was then that Ralph noticed that the spot on his hand where Elsa was touching him was becoming very cold.
"You've already done it for a much bigger crowd," Jessica commented with a shrug.
"What?" Elsa questioned, dread creeping into her features.
"Well, you did that whole song up on the mountain," Jessica elaborated.
"I was alone when I did that," Elsa argued, her eyes darting around in a panic.
"Not from the movie's perspective," Jessica countered, "Millions of people saw you sing. And from what I understand, that song is pretty popular on the radio now too. It was a real showstopper."
At this, Elsa's face went pale and her eyes seemed to go as wide as saucers. Ralph had a suspicion that Elsa didn't fully understand what Jessica had just said, but she understood enough to be horrified by the implications.
"Millions of people heard you sing!?" Anna exclaimed, drawing the attention of the neighboring tables, "Okay, come on, now I have to hear you sing this song!"
At this, Elsa's breathing became shallow. Her eyes darted around in a panic before they settled on Ralph. Locking gazes with the wrecker, Elsa practically begged him for help without saying a word, a thin layer of ice forming on top of Ralph's hand. His mind racing, Ralph tried to think of something to do before his mind grabbed hold of the first thing it could.
"I'll sing," Ralph said as she jumped to his feet, his chair toppling to the floor behind him.
"...What?" Jessica asked with a bemused smile.
"I'll sing," Ralph repeated as he brushed the ice off his hand, "I mean, Elsa doesn't feel up for it, and you need someone to perform. This is an open mic night, isn't it?"
"It sure is," Jessica agreed as she crossed her arms, her smile holding what Ralph thought might be a note of pride in it, "Alright Ralph, let's see what you can do."
Nodding, Ralph reached down and picked up his chair to right it. As he did so, Ralph looked over at Elsa, giving her a reassuring smile. In return, Elsa practically beamed at him, relief almost radiating off of her. As he finished fixing the chair, Ralph stood tall and practically pranced up to the stage.
"Well, well, well," Gold stated as he watched Ralph make his way on to the stage, "Look what we have here."
"Looks like your mate's going to give us a show, Hades," Hook commented with a chuckle.
"Whoa what?" Hades questioned in surprise before throwing his hands in the air, "Ralph! Hey, Ralph!"
Hearing Hades' voice, Ralph looked over and gave the god a friendly wave as he reached the stairs leading up to the stage.
"What are you doing!?" Hades asked with a laugh.
"What does it look like I'm doing!?" Ralph replied as he walked up onto the stage.
"Well," Loki commented as he leaned back in his chair, Vanellope standing in disguise to his side with wide eyes, "This ought to be something."
"Alright everyone!" Jessica called into her microphone as Ralph made his way to the center of the stage, "Let's give a warm welcome to our second performer of the night, Wreck-It Ralph!"
The announcement earned a smattering of applause from the crowd as Ralph waved at them.
"What're ya singin', pal?" a voice asked from behind Ralph. Turning around, Ralph found the band members staring up at him.
"Huh?" Ralph asked dumbly.
"What song are ya singin'?" the trumpeter repeated, looking at Ralph like the wrecker was stupid, "We can't play if we don't know what yer singin'."
"Oh, right," Ralph replied as a look of realization passed over his features, "What do you, uh, do you guys know how to play?"
"Buddy, we can play anythin'" the trumpeter replied with a smirk, "Just give us a song, an' we'll follow along."
"Right," Ralph replied before his eyes began to go wide as he realized he hadn't thought of a song to sing. Seeing Elsa being put in an uncomfortable situation made him jump without thinking, and while Ralph didn't have a fear of performing in front of people, he knew it would be incredibly embarrassing if he just stood on stage and did nothing.
"Come on, pal, there's got to be some song ya know," the trumpeter insisted nervously, "Ya can sing right? Ya know, the words and the rhythm and all that jazz?"
"Yes, I can-" Ralph began to reply hotly before something clicked in his head, "Wait, what did you just say?"
"I asked if you have a song to sing," the trumpeter replied with a furrowed brow.
"No, no, no," Ralph said with a quick shake of his head, "What was the thing you just said?"
"The words and the rhythm?" the trumpeter suggested in confusion.
"No," Ralph stated with a frustrated sigh, "The last thing you said."
The trumpeter looked back at the band for help, but only received helpless shrugs from his bandmates.
"All that jazz?" the trumpeter attempted with a shrug.
At this, Ralph felt a strange rushing sensation in his head, accompanied by what sounded like a song being played at a hundred times the normal speed. Then, just as suddenly as it had started, the sensation stopped, and Ralph had a song that he knew by heart.
"Yeah, I got a song," Ralph stated with a confident smile.
As Ralph spoke with the band, Elsa watched with an increasingly anxious expression.
"Do….Do either of you know if Ralph can sing?" Elsa questioned as she leaned over to Anna and Kristoff.
"I don't," Anna admitted as Kristoff shrugged his shoulders, "But from what I've heard, there isn't any singing in his movie."
"Oh no, that's what I thought," Elsa whispered as she turned her attention back to the stage, "I hope he's not going to embarrass himself on my account."
"I'm sure he'll be fine," Anna replied before she turned around to face Kristoff and making a worried face as the band started up with the first notes of a jazzy piece of music, prompting Ralph to step forward.
"If someone stood up in a crowd, and raised his voice up way out loud," Ralph sang simply, waving an arm and leg about as he performed, "And waved his arm and shook his leg, you'd notice him."
"If someone in the movie show yelled, "Fire in the second row!" Ralph continued, his voice suddenly morphing into wild panic as he pointed at a random point in the club, "This whole place is a powder keg!"
At that, Ralph and the band paused for a single dramatic moment before a smile broke out on the wrecker's face.
"You'd notice him," Ralph finished, earning chuckles from the crowd as the music picked back up.
"He's doing great!" Anna whispered to Elsa, who gaze was focused on the wrecker as a smile tugged at her lips.
"And even without clucking like a hen," Ralph continued, performing a quick chicken dance that earns another round of laughs, "Everyone gets noticed, now and then."
"Unless, of course, that person it should be," Ralph sang as he placed a hand to his chest, "Invisible, inconsequential me."
"Cellophane, Mister Cellophane," Ralph continued as he held his hands out helplessly, "Should have been my name, Mister Cellophane."
"'Cause you can look right through me," Ralph sang, grabbing the ends of his jacket and holding it open for emphasis, "Walk right by me and never know I'm there."
"I tell ya, Cellophane, Mister Cellophane," Ralph went on as he stuck his hands in his pockets and began shuffling to the beat of the song, "Should have been my name Mister Cellophane."
"'Cause you can look right through me," Ralph sang as he pulled out one of his hands and swept his arm across the room before shrugging helplessly, "Walk right by me and never know I'm there."
"Suppose you was a little cat, residin' in a person's flat," Ralph continued as he scratched the back of his ear, "Who fed you fish and scratched your ears? You'd notice him."
"Suppose you was a woman wed and sleepin' in a double bed," Ralph sang as he held up seven of his thick fingers, "Beside one man for seven years! You'd notice him."
As Ralph continued to perform, a thoughtful expression spread over Elsa's features as she continued to watch him.
"A human being's made of more than air," Ralph sang as he patted his chest for emphasis, "With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there."
"Unless that human being next to you," Ralph continued as he gestured at the crowd, "Is unimpressive, undistinguished, you know who."
"Should have been my name, Mister Cellophane," Ralph belted, marching across the stage with exaggerated steps that he took in time with the music, "'Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me and never know I'm there!"
"He's killing it!" Seph exclaimed, clapping excitedly as she looked up at Hades.
"No kidding!" Hades agreed before he cupped his hands around his mouth, "Bring it home, Ralph!"
"I tell ya Cellophane, Mister Cellophane!" Ralph sang, scanning the crowd until he spotted Elsa, who was now beaming at him from her place in the crowd, "Should have been my name, Mister Cellophane!"
"'Cause you can look right through me," Ralph continued as he made his way down to the end of the stage, his gaze focused on Elsa as he went, "Walk right by me and never know I'm there!"
"Never! Even! Knoooooooooooooooooow!" Ralph sang, throwing his arms out, closing his eyes and rolling his head back as he held the final note, seemingly sending an electric jolt through the crowd.
"Whoa!" Anna exclaimed as Kristoff grabbed the side of his head and Elsa covered her mouth in astonishment. At the villains' table, Hades let out a sharp whistle as Vanellope dropped the tray she had been holding in shock. Even Loki grinned in appreciation.
However, as the tray clattered to the floor, the sound seemed to shock Ralph back to reality. Looking around, Ralph noticed the crowds' entire attention was on him, and he suddenly felt somewhat self-conscious.
"I'm there," Ralph finished in a somewhat more subdued tone as the band played the last few notes of the song.
As the echoes of the instruments faded away, a moment of silence fell over the club as the audience looked up at Ralph in astonishment.
"I uh I hope I haven't taken too much of your time," Ralph mumbled as he scratched the back of his head and looked out over the crowd.
At this, Elsa, smiling so hard it was starting to hurt her face, leapt to her feet, knocking over her chair in much the same way Ralph had, and began to applaud exuberantly. This seemed to break whatever spell had been cast over the crowd and they quickly followed suit, rising to their feet and loudly applauding Ralph.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" Jessica called over the roar of the crowd, smirking as she gestured towards Ralph, "That was Wreck-It Ralph!"
"Right on, my man!" the trumpeter said, fist bumping Ralph as the wrecker made his way past the band and off the stage, "Right on!"
"Ralph!" Hades called, catching the wrecker's attention as he made his way back to his table, "What the hell was that!?"
"I don't know!" Ralph said with a shrug and a grin, earning a laugh from Hades.
"Ralph!" Elsa said as she ran up to him and grabbed one of his hands with both of hers, her cool skin feeling good against his, "That was amazing! You never said you could sing like that!"
"I didn't know I could!" Ralph admitted with a laugh as he led Elsa back to their seats.
As the crowd began to retake their seats, Hook glanced at Ralph one more time and shook his head, watching as the wrecker fixed Elsa's chair for her.
"Well," Hook commented with a chuckle, "I suppose that's one way to impress your date."
"I have to admit, I found that impressive as well," Gold admitted.
"I was wondering if he was going to literally bring the house down," Ursala commented with a chuckle.
"It would certainly be in his purview," Loki joked.
"Well, what did I tell you all?" Hades laughed, "Ralph's a pretty cool guy when you get to know him."
"He seems to be," Regina agreed before looking at Hades with a thoughtful expression, "Say, when's the next one of your little meetings?"
"You serious?" Hades asked in surprise.
"Sure," Regina replied with a shrug, "It's something to do, and I think your friend has proven it wouldn't be a total boor."
Looking around at the table, Seph couldn't help but smile excitedly as she noticed the other villains nodding in agreement.
Unbeknownst to everyone though, near the ceiling, perched on the edge of one of the columns supporting the roof, a large black crow sat, silently watching. Turning its attention away from the villains' table, the crow focused its gaze on Ralph and his friends, its black eyes narrowing at the sight of the wrecker.
A/N: Now this is a chapter I've wanted to write for a long while, so I'm pretty happy to finally be putting it out there. For reference, the two songs in this chapter where "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel and "Mr. Cellophane" as performed by John C. Reilly for the movie Chicago. As always, feedback and critiques are always welcome, so please review! Later!