29 – If There Was Only A Sign
SEVERUS
Judging from the looks only, it was hard to say whether the man lying in bed was dead or merely sleeping. They had found his unconscious body earlier that night. At Grimmauld Place. One of Dumbledore's portraits had alerted them.
"What do you think, Severus?" Dumbledore asked calmly.
"I cannot say yet. I have never encountered something like it before. He is not responding to any spells I have tried. It will need some more time." Severus explained.
The older wizard sighed. "Very well. Let us hope time will be able to heal this particular malady." Dumbledore looked at Severus urgently. "We will keep this between us for now, I think."
That came as a surprise to Severus. "Certainly, you will tell Potter, though."
The older wizard shook his head. "Not yet. That would be anything but wise. This magic branch," he paused, staring down at a little golem figure, sitting on the drawer next to the bed. "It would be best not to let too many people know about it. As long as we know so little about the way it operates. Can you imagine, what kind of harm it might cause in the wrong hands?"
"But sir, surely you can tell her he is alive without mentioning the creature." Severus argued.
The headmaster turned back to him. "Oh? It almost sounds as if you cared about her."
"I do not." Severus almost growled. "I merely wonder why you would knowingly prolong her sorrow."
"We do not know yet whether he will make a recovery or not." Dumbledore replied sorrowfully. "And Haley well… she has already started grieving. Do you not think… it would be more cruel to give her false hope?"
Severus wanted to protest. But then he remembered that this was Potter and this really should not matter to him at all.
"Very well, headmaster. Do you need anything else?"
"Not tonight, Severus." The old wizard clasped his arm briefly. "You may return to the castle."
"Certainly." He gave a quick nod and left the headmaster and the sleeping man behind in the dark.
…
DRACO
In the end it was the annoying ghost who got him out of that blasted bathroom by calling for a teacher. After being freed from the bathroom by Professor Flitwick he promptly made his way down toward the Infirmary. It was already past supper time. If Haley and the others were back and only slightly hurt, they had probably been forced to go see Madame Pomfrey.
"Draco." A familiar voice called quietly, just when he wanted to open the doors to the Infirmary.
Draco turned around. Luna Lovegood was sitting on the windowsill, lit up by the starlight that fell into the hall through the window behind her.
"What are you doing here?" He asked. "Are you hurt?"
Luna shook her head. "Not as bad as Ron or Hermione." She tilted her head to the side. "Or Haley probably."
"Haley is hurt?" He gasped, reaching for the door. Ready to storm inside.
"She's not in there," Luna said quietly.
"Then where is she? If she's hurt-"
"Not physically," she offered, explaining nothing.
"What…" He shook his head tiredly. "What do you mean?"
Luna patted the space beside her. "Do you want to sit?"
This was ridiculous. Didn't she understand how urgent this was? But then… this was Luna Lovegood. He'd probably get his answers quicker if he indulged her.
"Fine." He sat on the windowsill next to her with an impatient sigh. "So? What's wrong with her? What happened? Did you save her godfather?"
"It was a trap." She started to say, glancing at the huge crescent moon, which was her namesake. "We were lured there to get a prophecy."
"What? You were lured where?"
"To the Department of Mysteries." Luna continued. "Once Haley had the prophecy they wanted, we were attacked by Death Eaters. We tried our best to fight them but… there was too many of them. A curse knocked me out. The next thing I remember is waking up in there." She pointed a finger toward the Infirmary. "Madame Pomfrey said I should stay the night but I needed some air, so I slipped out."
Draco ran his fingers through his hair. To be honest he had a hard time understanding what she was saying. None of it made a lot of sense. "Okay. Okay and now…? Where's Haley? You said she was hurt…"
"That man… Sirius Black… that's her godfather, right?" Luna asked softly.
Draco nodded. He'd thought she knew by now anyway.
"I heard… he was killed by one of the Death Eaters."
He frowned. That couldn't be true. He'd heard her wrong.
"Sirius Black… was killed?" He repeated, taken aback. "But how? You said it was a trap. Why was he there then?"
"Neville said, him and Professor Lupin and Professor Dumbledore came to chase the Death Eaters away."
Draco needed a moment to take all of that in. If this was true… Haley had to be devastated. If that was true…
"Wait…" He gasped, a disturbing thought hitting him. "Who was it? Who killed him?" Not father. Don't let it be father, he thought desperately.
Luna shook her head. "I don't know. I wasn't there."
Draco hid his face in his hands. This was horrible. He could only imagine in how much pain Haley was in that moment.
"Do you know where-" Draco started to say but a soft clucking sound interrupted him. It came from the window. Glory. His eagle owl. What was he doing here this late at night?
Quickly, he opened the window and let the bird in.
He hooted softly, pressing his head against Draco's hand. He wanted treats. But Draco didn't have any here.
He reached for Glory's leg and untied the note that was bound to it.
"What's his name?" Luna asked curiously, already petting the owl's plumage.
"Glory," he replied absently. It was his mother's elegant writing. Why would she send him a letter at this hour?
"Glory? That's fun. Are you hungry, Glory?" She asked, offering him some owl treats. The bird snatched them out of the girl's hand greedily, making her smile. Draco shook his head. Of course, she was carrying owl treats around.
He unfolded the letter and started to read.
My Dear Son,
I did not want you to find out through the paper. That is why I am writing to you this late at night.
Your father has been on a mission tonight. Unfortunately, though he has been seen by Ministry officials. Nothing is certain as of now. But it is possible that he will be sent to prison.
Do not worry too much, though. Even if it comes to that, it is only a matter of time until we can get him out again. The Malfoy name still holds a certain amount of power.
Take care and do nothing rash,
Your Mother
Draco read the contents of the letter again and again. But it is possible that he will be sent to prison. He will be sent to prison. Sent to prison…
"No," he whispered tonelessly. "No… not father… not…"
"What does it say?" Luna asked gently.
"My father he–" He looked up at her. "He'll probably… he…" He couldn't form the actual words.
"Can I?" She asked, glimpsing at the letter in his hands.
He didn't want her to know. He didn't want anyone to find out about this. But then… if mother was right, it would be in the papers soon enough anyway. Silently, he handed over the letter.
After reading the letter, Luna hummed thoughtfully. "That's upsetting."
Upsetting. That was quite the understatement. "They… they can't just… do that… can they?" What if the dementors hurt him? What if they drove his father mad?
"Well, with the way he acted…" Luna mused, handing back the letter. "He'll have a hard time convincing anyone he's innocent."
"Are you saying he deserves being sent to prison?" Draco said angrily.
"I don't know…" Luna shrugged, glancing out at the moon. "I don't think I'm the right person to judge that."
Draco snorted humourlessly. "Who is?" He shook his head tiredly. "I know you're judging him for being a Death Eater… But he's still my dad."
"I know." Luna whispered gently, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder briefly. He felt incredibly young in that moment. Far, far away from home. With no one to show him the way or tell him what to do. Once, he'd thought his father was this all-knowing person who could solve anything. And now… he was about to be sent to prison. When had life become this hard?
A moment ago, all he'd wanted to do was find Haley and make sure she was fine. Now… all he wanted to do was hide in the huge wardrobe in his room at home and never come out again.
…
The following day didn't bring any magical solutions with it. Unfortunately. Pansy cornered him before breakfast, asking him to understand. She just wanted to protect him. She just wanted him to not get hurt and yada yada…
After the first two sentences he stopped listening. Strange, he didn't even feel like punishing her.
He felt so incredibly torn. Every time he saw Haley he wanted to go talk to her and run away at the same time. It only made it harder how tired she looked. As if she hadn't slept in days. And he only caught glimpses from afar.
On top of that he was so angry about the fate that awaited his father. What was his mother going to do now? But then… when he thought of Haley again… it probably was so much harder for her. Her godfather… was dead. She'd never see him again. She was probably hurting. Needed someone to comfort her. But was he the right person for that? He didn't know. And there was no one who was going to tell him.
…
That night he couldn't sleep. No matter how many house elves he counted. The thoughts were simply too loud in his head. Had it always been this stuffy in his dorm? He needed some air. The air was always best on the Astronomy tower. Crisp and fresh. Surely, he'd be able to find some sleep after a few deep breaths of night air.
It was a good thing, he was a prefect. Otherwise, he'd have to be careful of teachers looking for students out after curfew. Surprisingly, though, he found the castle calm and quiet. Everyone seemed to be asleep. Everyone except for him. With a sigh, he climbed the last couple of stairs that lead toward the Astronomy tower.
But to his annoyance… he wasn't alone. Someone was sitting over at the edge of the observation deck, obviously having had the same idea as him. He was about to turn around and find a more deserted place, when he recognized dark hair and the small form of her back. Haley.
Draco froze. She hadn't noticed him yet. He could still turn around and go. She'd never even realize he had been there. Or he could stay… it wasn't as if he could avoid her forever. Go or stay? He didn't know which was the right thing to do. He didn't know–
His legs moved on their own accord. Toward her. He wasn't that much of a coward it seemed.
When he reached her, he silently sat down a few inches away from her. Almost afraid, she'd reject his closeness.
Her eyes were closed but there was no way she hadn't noticed someone sitting down next to her.
He stayed quiet. Maybe she didn't want to talk. He wouldn't have known what to say in the first place.
Then she took a deep breath and opened her eyes. They were red-rimmed, as if she had been crying.
Draco gasped, instinctively raising his hand, reaching out to her… but something stopped him from actually touching her. "Haley," he whispered instead, her name the only thing he could think of to say.
"What are you doing here?" She whispered in a choked voice.
"I… I couldn't sleep." He answered lamely. At least it was the truth.
She nodded. "Me neither."
It was quiet again for another moment.
"I just… I was looking for… I tried to find…" She blinked out into the night sky. The moon was hidden behind the clouds. And only a handful of stars were visible. She pointed her fingers to the sky as if she was counting the stars. "It's not there. I thought I'd find him here…" She stared into the sky like someone who'd been betrayed.
Then she turned to him, as if he was the one who was to blame for her disappointment. There was so much anguish in her eyes. A short painful ache went through his heart. It was almost unbearable to see her like this. He wanted to comfort her somehow. But how?
"Are you…?" He started to ask but then he stopped himself. Are you okay? It was obvious she wasn't okay. That would surely be the wrong thing to ask…
"I mean – I…" He sighed in frustration. "I don't know what to say."
Haley turned to the sky again, her pain-filled eyes releasing him. "You don't have to say anything. It's not like it would make a difference." She shook her head. "You don't know how it feels… Nobody does." She pulled up her legs and hugged them to her chest.
"You could… tell me," he suggested hesitantly.
"About what? How my godfather was killed? Do you think I want to talk about that?" She spat.
"No, I just thought–"
"What do you care? You never liked him! You're probably glad he's gone and–"
"I'm not!" He interrupted her. "Why would I be glad about something that hurts you so much?" He paused, trying to remain calm. "It's true, your godfather and I never got along but… that doesn't mean…" What was he even saying? What was important? Haley was important. "I… I hate… seeing you like this."
Her eyes found his and for a moment, it seemed as if he'd said the right thing. Like she was going to let him in. Or about to start crying again.
Instead, she looked away. "Don't look at me then." She whispered, leaving him to look at the back of her head.
Draco sighed. Not the right thing, after all.
But then, she turned sideways a bit more and leaned her back against his shoulder. He barely felt the pressure of her weight. It was like she was still holding back. Sharing a little bit of her pain with him but keeping most of it on her own shoulders. It was a small step. But Draco counted it as a win anyway.
…
HALEY
Her dreams were the worst kind of hell.
He kept dying again and again and again.
She was so tired of crying.
Tired of waking up after constantly seeing Sirius vanish through that veil.
The pain didn't lessen. It seemed to increase instead.
Coming to haunt her when she least expected it.
How could a person bear this?
Nothing helped.
Not her friends. Not distracting herself.
She thought letting Draco comfort her might help.
But the nightmare she had the night after the Astronomy tower had punished her for this foolish hope.
For a while she had felt better. But when she was alone again, the pain returned even worse than before.
Like a sleeping monster that only waited for the right moment to tear out her insides when she felt most vulnerable again and again.
She just wanted it all to stop.
If there was a switch turning off feelings altogether, I'd flip it without hesitating.
What was the use of feelings anyway?
…
"Help me! Help me, Haley! Help!" Sirius was calling for her. He needed her. He needed her to help him. He was hurt. He was sitting in a huge hourglass, sand grains, raining down on him constantly. Tirelessly, he kept hammering on the glass wall, he was confined in. "Haley! Help me!"
Haley was on the other side of the glass, uselessly, hitting it as well. "How?" She asked. "How can I help you?"
"Malfoy! – Malfoy he – stay away from him! Careful!" He hammered against the glass even more urgently. "Stay away – he's dangerous!"
"What?" Haley asked. Then she noticed a shadow falling onto the glass wall. A shadow of a figure. Haley turned around. A person stood there menacingly. But their face was hidden behind a dark cloak. Only, a flash of blond hair, was visible for a second.
Then she woke up.
…
DRACO
He thought it had been progress. But after the night on the Astronomy tower Haley seemed even less like herself than before.
It was all too much. The article about the events in the ministry in the paper. An official notice, listing all the Death Eaters that were to be sent to Azkaban. Including his father…
How was he supposed to deal with all of this?
Draco wanted to blame someone. Get angry. Hurt the person who was responsible for the mess that had become his life.
But more than that… he really wanted someone to tell him everything would be all right.
Only a couple of days were left of this lousy school year. Then it would all be over. He could go home and… well he'd only be reminded of the missing presence of his dad. And then… there was a summer full of what exactly waiting for him?
He wondered what Luna's plans for the summer might be… Or Haley's.
He wanted to talk to her. Or just… be close to her. Make sure they were okay. Before two long months of summer would separate them.
So… the only logical consequence was to ask Luna for help. Reliable friend that she was, she helped him meet her inside the unused Transfigurations classroom.
When Draco entered the room, Haley didn't seem happy to see him. But… she also didn't look unhappy. Just… weirdly indifferent.
She nodded in his vague direction, not even really looking at him.
"So… " he said, unsure what to say. What to make of this. The way she was acting. The distance she was keeping. And then he thought, to hell with it and jumped forward to hug her. Because she looked like she could use a hug. Hell, he could use a hug. And he was tired of wondering what to say or how to act around her.
Honestly, he half expected her to push him away. Which she didn't do. But she didn't return the embrace either. For a few moments he held her like this, wanting to comfort her. And to be comforted as well. But something felt strange somehow. What was it?
He pulled back a few inches to look at her.
There it was. Her eyes. They seemed dull somehow. Like something was missing from them. A spark? She still wasn't looking at him, her gaze unfocused and directed at something behind him.
"Haley?" He asked quietly, trying to direct her attention to him. He placed his hands on her cheeks, making her look only at him. "Don't tell me you've forgotten how to talk." He snorted softly, trying for a lighter tone. The expression on her face stayed carefully blank. His hands dropped to his sides.
Silence spread between them, leaving him feeling cold and on edge. Slowly he was starting to panic.
"I get it, okay," he said, patience waning thin. "You're hurting. And I know that doesn't just disappear over night but – but this is hard for me, too!" His breathing quickened and he turned away from her. To keep it together. To find something else to get mad at. But it was just Haley and him in that old dusty room.
"I want to help you. But I can only do that if you let me." He threw up his hands in frustration. "You're not the only one who's not okay, you know? My father is going to prison. Do you think I'm happy about that?"
Haley didn't say a word. While he stood there and yelled out all his frustration to her, she simply let him. Not showing any kind of reaction.
Why didn't she get angry? He wouldn't have expected her to just silently take all of that.
"Haley." Draco placed his hands on her cheeks carefully, trying a different approach. But still he could find nothing in her eyes. It was… as if she wasn't even there. Her mind miles away. Only her body present. She seemed almost… empty. Like a soulless puppet.
"Talk to me." He urged, stroking his thumb across her cheek gently. "I need you… I need you to come back to me."
He might as well have said nothing at all. The girl wouldn't have reacted any more then. His hands dropped to his sides in silent defeat.
"I have to go." She said, her tone carefully neutral. It almost seemed as if his touch had been the only thing keeping her from leaving. But as soon as she'd spoken her words, she left. Leaving him feeling even more wrecked than he'd felt before.
…
HALEY
Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe in… Breathe out…
Just Breathe.
In… and out… In… and out… In… and out.
In… out…
In… out…
In…
Out…
Just Breathe.
…
DRACO
He didn't stay alone in the room for long. There was a soft knock against wood and he looked up in time to see Luna enter. Had she heard their conversation? Or more like – his monologue. Haley had barely said one sentence, after all. His friend walked over to the windowsill and sat on it as if it was the most comfortable space in the castle. Honestly, what was it with her and windowsills?
Invitingly, she patted the spot beside her.
With a sigh, Draco dragged himself over to the windowsill and sank down next to her.
Luna fetched a book from her bag and started to read. Hadn't she come to talk to him?
Well… to be honest he didn't even know if he wanted to talk or what to think. Maybe she sensed that. Knowing her, she probably did. She was just there, giving him time and waiting for him to sort through his emotions. If only it was that easy.
"I don't know what to do," he finally admitted, letting his head sink against the cool window glass behind him.
Luna marked the corner of the page she was reading and closed it. Sirens, Mermaids and Sea Witches was the title of her book.
"What exactly are you talking about?" She asked curiously.
Wasn't that obvious? It was on the forefront of his mind constantly. Did he really need to explain it to her?
"Well… the fact that my girlfriend has turned into an inferius. It's as if… she doesn't care at all… about anything."
Luna shrugged. "She just lost someone very dear to her. Of course, she needs time to come to terms with that."
"But you didn't see her!" He burst out. "Her eyes… they – they seemed so – so empty… It was as if she wasn't even there."
"You know…" Luna began, swinging her legs back and forth. "I think… you shouldn't take it personally."
What was that supposed to mean?
"My dad has always been the most cheerful and lively person I knew. He would always laugh and tell the most amazing stories and play with me all day," she continued explaining. "But… when my mum died… it was as if someone had turned off the light. He stopped laughing. Or telling me stories. Some days he even forgot to eat. It was… as if I had lost both of my parents."
Oh. He hadn't known about that.
"So… are you telling me… that kind of behaviour is normal?"
Luna shook her head. "I don't know if it's normal… everyone… probably has their own way of coping. My mum died years ago and I still miss her every day." There was a tinge of sadness to her voice. Usually, she was so… bright and carefree.
"How did she… die?" Draco asked quietly.
"She liked… to try out all kinds of things…" Luna explained, a soft smile on her face. "She would invent new potions or create new spells…" Her smile turned slightly sad. "One day one of her experiments… went terribly wrong."
That sounded… horrible.
"That's… horrible," he said awkwardly.
"Yes. I was pretty devastated for a long time." Luna admitted. "But then I thought… mum wouldn't want me to stop smiling. She'd want me to go on living. I think… my dad realized that, too. One day, he just picked me up and took me to go look for thestrals in the woods. It was the first time he smiled again."
Draco frowned. "Thestrals?" He asked. "Those creatures you can only see when…"
Luna nodded. "When you've seen death. I wasn't able to see them before. I think dad meant it as a joke."
He shook his head. That seemed terribly cynical. What kind of a person was her dad? Well, if he was the chief editor of The Quibbler, he had to be quite odd.
"So…" he started to say, trying to return to the point.
Luna gave him an encouraging smile and briefly squeezed his arm. "I think she needs time. When she's ready… I'm sure she'll come to you."
Draco sighed. "What if she won't?"
Luna shrugged. "I don't know."
The answer was anything but reassuring. But Luna's presence was. It was strange to have a friend to rely on. Completely against his instincts. But it still felt nice to have someone to talk to. Really talk to. And he felt a little bit proud that she had also shared one of her painful memories with him.
…
HALEY
She could repress her emotions all she wanted during the day. But at night… the dreams came back to haunt her. Sometimes she was in the Department of Mysteries again. Other times Sirius called out for her inside that hourglass. The hourglass dreams were unbearably real. It always felt as if he was still alive… confined in some far away glass prison and calling for help. But in the end she was always too late. Before she could help him, the shadow figure appeared. Sometimes she could even make out the contours of a face. But it kept shifting. Blond hair. Then black. A man. Then a woman. Then a boy. Grey eyes. Then crazy black eyes. Then just a shadow. But no matter what the figure looked like, the dream always ended with Sirius warning her and Haley being unable to do anything but watch him being slowly buried in sand grains. For some reason she always woke up before he was buried completely. But somehow that was even worse. Because a moment later she remembered that it was far too late to save him. He was already gone.
…
DRACO
Two days before the end of term Draco was called to Professor Snape's office. While knocking on the door, he wondered what the man could possibly want from him. Perhaps it had something to do with his parents?
The door magically opened and he hesitantly entered the room. Hopefully, nothing was wrong at home. Or even more wrong than it already was.
"Professor Snape," he said politely, while the door closed behind him.
"Draco," the man replied, gesturing toward the chair in front of his desk. "Have a seat."
This time, there were two tea cups waiting already on the table. Snape seemed to always offer him tea, when he wanted to talk about difficult matters.
Sighing, Draco took a seat opposite the older wizard. "Why have you called me here?" He asked carefully, not revealing how worried he was.
"Well..." The man dropped a sugar cube into his own cup. "Unfortunately… I did not call for you merely because I wanted to have a cup of tea with you."
Draco scoffed. "I figured."
Snape sighed and gently pushed the little black sugar bowl over to him. "Surely, you remember… what we talked about at the beginning of the year… when I… heard about your… how do I put it… romantic escapades."
Did he have to make the situation even more uncomfortable than it already was? Draco glared at the sugar bowl. "I remember."
"About your options regarding Potter?"
"Yes."
"Good, I will not have to repeat myself then. Now about your parents-"
He knew it. "What about them? Did something happen?" He tried to keep his voice calm. But it was unexpectedly hard.
"I am sure you are aware that your father was on a mission for the Dark Lord before he received his prison sentence?"
Draco nodded. What else was there to say?
"His mission… was anything but successful," Snape continued. "You can imagine the Dark Lord is not exactly happy with him."
Draco gripped the armrest of his chair. He didn't like where this was going.
"The Dark Lord," Snape paused briefly, giving him a pointed glance. "Is not someone who lets those who fail him unpunished." He looked at his right arm, where the Dark Mark was burned into his skin beneath his robes, giving Draco a moment to brace himself for the second shoe to drop.
"As it seems… Lucius is more or less safe for the moment in Azkaban but-"
"Mother," Draco interrupted. "He's going to punish her?"
"Either her… or you."
Draco felt as though someone had pulled the rug out from under his feet. That wasn't true. It couldn't be.
"He told you that?" He whispered weakly. "When? What's his plan?"
"I do not know. He did not tell me. But… let us say… I know from experience."
Draco hit the armrest of his chair angrily. "What should I do? How can I protect mum? Or myself?"
"That depends," he gestured invitingly toward the sugar bowl. "completely on what you chose to do."
"How do you mean?"
"Choose the path that is expected of you and hope that either the Dark Lord has mercy or that you are strong enough to survive whatever he has planned."
"Those are the options?"
Slowly Snape shook his head. "If you are certain of your feelings… I can see another path."
He wasn't going to leave his mother behind. How could Snape even suggest that? "Right, turn my back on my family – you said that before. But I can't just–"
"The headmaster has ways to protect your mother," Snape interrupted him. "Should you choose… the unexpected path." He turned around in his seat and opened a drawer behind him. When he turned back he had a plain white envelope in his hand. "Neither path will be easy. But be aware that once you have made your choice, it cannot be undone."
Draco pondered this for a moment. What was the right choice? He'd thought he'd made his choice but what if… with the way Haley was acting around him lately… what if she didn't want him any more? What would his mother say?
"Do I have to choose now?" He asked quietly.
"It can wait until you have finished your tea." Snape replied dryly.
Draco frowned.
The man grinned slightly. "A joke." He said. "Do finish it, though, before it gets cold."
Draco felt like breaking into hysterical laughter. Instead, he pulled the sugar bowl toward him and dropped three sugar cubes into his tea. 'Sugar Tea' Haley had called it. He smiled softly, wondering if things would ever return to the way they had been before.
Tentatively, he sipped on the still hot liquid. It tasted fruity. Like oranges. That was unexpected. And sweet. That was expected. Just the way he liked it.
"It wasn't very funny." Draco muttered, referring back to Snape's joke.
Snape ignored that. "Take this." He said instead, slipping the envelope over to Draco.
"What's that?"
"Send it to me… if you choose to leave behind the world you have known before. I shall take care of the rest then."
Draco opened the envelope.
"If I do not hear from you within a week, I will assume you have chosen the path that is expected of you. Do you understand?"
There was a single sheet of parchment inside the envelope. It looked as if it was several years old. But at the same time like someone had tried to preserve it as well as possible. An artful drawing of flowers was stretched across the whole parchment. It was incredibly beautiful.
"Professor, did you… draw this?"
The man shook his head.
"Then who…?" He asked, although he already had an idea.
"Lily Evans." Nothing changed in his face when he said the name. But there was a slight lilt to his voice that usually wasn't there.
Draco nodded, glancing down at the drawing of lilies that looked as though they were about to lift off the parchment and come alive. "I understand."
…
HALEY
"Help me! He's coming for me – he'll come – he'll come and take my soul…" Sirius called from inside the hour glass.
Haley knocked against the glass, trying to break it. "How? Tell me how I can help you!"
"Malfoy!" Sirius called back.
"What about him?" Haley asked desperately. "How can I help you?"
"Malfoy – he–" Sirius eyes widened. "He's dangerous – you have to stay away from him – you hear me? He's evil – he–" The shadow figure was back. Haley turned around, reaching for her wand. Ready to fight. But she couldn't find it. The figure came closer. She could see blond hair and grey eyes. Then wild black locks and eyes filled with cruelty and madness. Then the features vanished and the figure turned to stone… or clay. And a brisk wind took it away.
She turned back around to Sirius. But the hour glass was gone. And her godfather with it.
"Sirius!" She cried, sinking to the sandy ground. "Sirius come back! Sirius!"
Haley woke up, gasping for air. Her heart was racing madly. Where was the sand? Why was she in her dorm?
Oh right. A dream.
Had she woken up the others? It didn't seem that way. After two nights of waking up screaming, they had probably gotten used to it.
That dream. Why did she keep having it? It didn't seem like a normal dream. It seemed like more. Sirius… his presence had felt so real. As if he really was captured somewhere. As if he needed her help. But then, she should really know better than this. Taking her dreams too seriously was what had lead to the tragic events in the Department of Mysteries in the first place. And more than that… she had seen him. Seen Bellatrix Lestrange fire the curse. She had seen him fall and finally… disperse into nothing. Sirius would never come back.
But then… why did those dreams feel so real? And much more intense than her normal dreams?
Could there be more to it? Was there a way to save him? And what was he trying to tell her? To stay away from Malfoy. Because he was evil? Did he mean Draco? Or his father? It didn't make sense. It was probably best to forget about the dream and stop worrying about it.
But there was a small voice inside her that she couldn't silence, telling her that if there was only the tiniest chance of saving Sirius, she had to do everything she could to bring him back. No matter what it would take.
…
DRACO
The last day before break. Tomorrow he was going home. What was he going to tell mother? He still hadn't made his choice… He wanted nothing more than to talk to Haley about it. Ask her what she thought. Wanted her to tell him to stay by her side. That she needed him. The choice would be much easier then.
But the days had went by without only the slightest inclination from her that she wanted to as much as talk to him. Like Luna had advised he was trying to give her time. But it was so so hard.
He thought he'd never find another opportunity to speak to her before the summer break. But that evening, after the end-of-year feast, he saw her wandering off toward the two oak doors, away from her house mates, who were returning to their tower. Where was she going? This was his chance!
He waited inside one of the bathrooms until most of the students had returned to their houses. Then he followed her out of the castle.
It was still warm outside. Everywhere the beginnings of summer where noticeable.
Had he lost her? In the twilight it was getting harder to see further than a few inches.
Then he finally saw her. Down by the lake, sitting against a willow tree. It wasn't their willow tree.
Slowly, as not to surprise her, Draco approached her. At least, the oncoming darkness made it harder for people to spot them.
Before he had reached her, something alerted Haley to his presence. She turned her head and got to her feet.
"Oh. It's you." She whispered then, her voice not betraying any emotion. She looked to the lake again and then toward the castle behind him.
Then, much faster, than he would have expected, she moved toward him – no past him, back to the castle. Away from him…
"Wait – where are you going?" He called in confusion.
The girl didn't answer. Or look back.
He followed her, stepping in front of her and blocking her way. "Wait. I just want to talk to you."
She stopped, looking at him with those empty eyes again. She seemed so far away… although she was standing right in front of him.
She shook her head like she was trying to get rid of an irksome insect.
"I know… you're… you're having a hard time at the moment." Draco continued. "But I really need to talk to you. It's important."
The girl moved, as if to sidestep him but Draco didn't let her. She moved to the other side but he blocked her again.
"I don't have time to play with you," she said sounding slightly impatient. Oh. Was that an emotion?
"I said, I want to talk to you," he repeated, reaching for her arm to stop her from trying to leave once more.
"But I don't want to talk to you!" She replied hotly. "Let go!" She added, wrenching her arm free.
Draco almost laughed. If she was still able to get mad at him, maybe there was still hope.
…
HALEY
"Don't look at me like that!" Haley vented, panic starting to creep into her bones. He was always making her lose control. Just by looking at her. Just by showing her that almost-smile. She had been trying so hard to block out her feelings. Any feelings. And he was about to ruin it.
"I don't know what you're-"
"Stay away from me!" Haley made a step backwards, raising her hands as a shield. It was what Sirius had told her. It was the only way to save him.
…
DRACO
He frowned. Should he have approached her more gently? "It's me, what are you tal-?"
"I don't want to talk to you! I want you to stay away from me!"
How ironic. He'd wanted her to show her feelings, yes. But not by pushing him away.
"But-"
"Is that so hard to understand?" She fumed.
"Yes!" He fired back. "Because last time I checked, I thought you were my girlfriend!"
"Well, sometimes, things change!" She yelled ruthlessly.
That short statement almost knocked him out. "What?" He asked weakly.
"Sirius said… it's the only way to save him," she mumbled barely audibly.
"What are you talking about?" It didn't make any sense. "Save him? But he's already dead, how-"
She blinked at him, as if she'd just woken from a dream. "He's dead." She chuckled darkly. "Yes… and whose fault is that?"
Her glare was pure fire. Burning. Scorching. Destroying.
"I-I'm not the one who-"
"Your aunt!" She accused, taking a step closer to him. "She killed him without hesitating for only a second. Her own cousin. What kind of distorted family is that? Do you make a hobby of that?" She spat.
Draco gasped. "Are you blaming me for that? Do you even hear yourself?"
"Why shouldn't I blame you? Every time I look at you I see her!" She said brokenly. "I see her kill him again and again – and I just… I can't take it any more."
Her words made him feel as if he'd been slapped. Why? Why, why, why was she saying all this?
Was it what Luna had said? Was it… her method of coping with the pain? Getting angry? Lashing out? There was no way she actually meant all that… or was there?
"You don't mean that." He said, feeling his fingernails press into his palms, from balling his hands.
Instead of replying, Haley reached into her robes and pulled out her necklace. The one with the fairy charm. The one he had given to her.
"Here." She pulled it over her head and pushed it against his chest. When she let go, Draco barely caught the silver chain, before it dropped to the ground.
No. "What are you doing? It's yours!" He protested, shaking his head violently.
"I don't need it any more." She said calmly, her eyes starting to cloud over again. She really was merciless.
"I'm not taking it back!" He thundered angrily.
"Throw it away then!"
"Just like you're throwing me away?"
Something flickered through her eyes. Was it regret? Was it guilt?
She closed her eyes, then. "Goodbye, Draco."
With that she pushed past him, making him almost tumble to the ground.
He had always hated it when he had to watch her walk away. But it was worse now, when it was obvious she didn't intend to come back to him.
"You promised to come back to me!" He called angrily. "You wanted to tell me something after the exams, remember? You promised to build a world for me! Does all of that mean nothing to you?"
The words made her halt after all. For a moment, it seemed like she was going to turn around and come back to him. Tell him, it was all a lie and kiss him until he forgot all of their problems.
But then she took a slow step forward. Away from him after all.
"Fine!" He called irritatedly. "Go! Break all of your promises! You're nothing but a liar! See what I care!"
She kept walking. Not turning back. As if she hadn't heard him.
He turned around, facing away from her. She couldn't force him to watch her walk away at least. That was still his own choice.
Instead he watched the calm surface of the lake that had been painted pitch black by the night. A thousand stars were glistening there, reflecting the sky above.
It would have been nice to appreciate the quiet beauty of it together with someone.
Now, the sheer amount of stars lighting up the night sky only reminded him of how alone he was.
…
As far as he could remember, boarding the train that would take him home had been something he felt happy about. Something he looked forward to. The summers at the manor or at their summer house in France held some of his most cherished memories.
Now, his father was in prison. The girl he loved had broken up with him. And he still didn't know what to do about that lily drawing his potions professor had given him. Was he expecting Draco to send him the drawing? He saw a familiar flicker of blonde boarding the train to his left. Luna. She had invited him to come visit her during the holidays. But Draco wasn't sure he was the best sort of company at the moment. What would his mother say if Luna Lovegood came to visit him at the manor? She'd probably call him mad. But then, it was just as mad or even more so that he had been about to turn on everything his family stood for to join a cause he barely believed in just for a girl who kept walking out of his life as if it gave her some sick sort of pleasure.
He'd been ready to fight. But what was he supposed to fight for now?
…
HALEY
She was caught in a nightmare. A nightmare where her godfather died and died all over again. A nightmare in which she had to save him no matter what it took. But… how could she save him, when he was already dead? Had it been foolish to keep hoping?
The dreams were the worst kind of torture. She felt like she was on the verge of going mad. What was real? What was not? How was she supposed to know? What was she supposed to do?
There was a high piping sound, alerting her to the departure of the train. Soon she'd be back in her room at privet drive. Well… it was hardly going to be worse than what she had gone through during the past week.
The door to her compartment opened. She didn't look up. For a moment she hoped… it was him. But judging from the shoes that had a strawberry print on them, it couldn't be him. Subconsciously, she reached for the necklace he'd given to her – it wasn't there. Right. She'd returned it to him. She clenched her eyes shut again. How foolish of her. She'd burned that bridge, hadn't she? He was never going to speak to her again. But she'd done it for Sirius. To get him back…
The person sat down to her left, leaving a few inches between them. They stayed quiet, leaving her in peace at least.
When had it all started to go so wrong? Why couldn't she go back to a time when her life had been easy? Or easier at least. Where she had been happy? Had she ever been truly happy?
Coming to Hogwarts had made her happy. She'd found her first real friends there. And Sirius… And also… she'd found Draco. She'd found love. And by trying to save one thing, she'd sacrificed the other…
How foolish. Now it seemed as if she had lost both…
All the precious memories she had made over the last term flashed through her mind like she was watching a film. Some of them were achingly sweet… while others filled her with regret… but none of them failed to remind her of the promises she'd broken.
Had it really been worth it? What if it hadn't been Sirius in her dreams? What if it was all just wishful thinking?
The sharp pain piercing her heart, made her eyes well up with tears. No. She couldn't think like that. If she accepted Sirius' death it meant…
It meant… that she'd made a huge mistake. It meant that there was no way to save him. It meant that her efforts had been in vain. It meant that she'd destroyed her relationship for nothing but a foolish hope.
But no. She couldn't think like that. She needed to keep up the wall that kept everyone out. Numbness was the path she'd chosen…
Otherwise, she'd have to admit it to herself… that in truth… the person who was responsible for his death was…
There was a gentle pressure on her shoulder. A small hand that felt so caring and warm, she wanted to cry.
Slowly, she opened her eyes, seeing blonde hair and kind blue eyes.
"Did… Did you come to scold me?" She asked quietly. "I know… you and D-Draco are… close."
Luna shook her head. "He's my friend, yes." She replied softly. "But you're my friend, too, Haley. I wanted to comfort you."
The simplicity of her words and the genuine compassion behind them completely disarmed her. After all… Luna knew what it was like to lose someone who was close to her. It was too hard to keep up the fight. So Haley finally gave up and let the wave of pain crush over her. She cried for what seemed like hours. Cried for Sirius. Who had been screwed over by fate so many times. For Cedric Diggory. Who had been much too young to die. And for Draco. Who deserved so much better.
The tears didn't stop. She kept crying until there were none left any more.
…
DRACO
On his way back from the toilet, he saw something that splintered his heart into tiny pieces. For the second time in two days. The curtains of one of the compartments he passed weren't properly closed, allowing him to catch a glimpse of what was going on inside. A dark-haired girl clinging to a blonde one. Crying her heart out. Bitterly.
He wanted to storm in. Wanted to make the girl stop crying. Although she was the one who had caused his current heartache. He hadn't known… that someone could feel this kind of pain.
Maybe he'd pushed her too much. When he should have given her space instead.
Maybe then she wouldn't have…
The door of the compartment on the opposite side opened. A first-year who looked especially cunning came into the hall. Someone from his house. He raised an eyebrow, before strutting down the hall. What an arrogant kid. Draco scoffed. He hadn't been that snobbish at that age… Or had he?
Was he trying to become the next Draco Malfoy?
Obliviously, strutting down the expected path. A path he'd chosen himself as well.
But now he was at a crossroads.
He stole another glance into the more interesting compartment. Luna was looking at him.
Giving him a soft smile. It'll be all right, her eyes seemed to say.
What would Haley have done if she'd noticed him? Glare? Yell? Cry some more?
If only she'd give him some sort of sign that there was still… a chance for them. That she didn't really mean what she had said.
You don't even know… how much I love you, he thought despondently.
It didn't matter now.
With a sigh he tore away his eyes and returned to his own compartment.
…
His father wasn't there. That was the first thing he noticed. Usually, he stood somewhere in the back of the platform with his mother, careful to keep away from all the half-bloods and muggles. But there in the back, between two stone columns, clothed in fine black silk robes was only his mother. It was still good to see her, of course. But the absence of his father was painfully obvious nevertheless.
His mother looked graceful as always. If he didn't know better, he wouldn't suspect there was anything amiss. Sorrow is a private matter. Never show your weaknesses to your enemies. She'd taught him that. Obviously, insinuating that there was no one he could trust.
See, that's what happens when you give people your trust, a vicious voice said in his head. They go and break your heart.
Before he reached her, he couldn't help but look back one last time.
It was strange that among the sea of students he found her green eyes right away.
They were red from crying. He could see that even from so far away. Something his mother would disapprove of. But that wasn't important now.
If there was only a sign… he'd change his mind and–
She smiled.
It was only small.
And it looked slightly sad.
But still…
She smiled at him.
Was that the sign he'd been looking for?
"Come Draco," his mother called quietly.
Draco turned around, as if he'd been caught doing something forbidden.
"Mother." He greeted his mother, reaching her at last.
Silently, she gestured for him to go through the barrier first.
Unexpected. Her smile had been so unexpected.
He vanished through the stone barrier, followed by his mother.
Unexpected… but not in a bad way.
…
A/N: Wow, what a chapter! Uh... I don't even know what to say this time... Hope y'all survived this angst fest! Ahem... leave me your thoughts?
A few announcements: So, I've decided to continue this in a seperate fic, meaning the next chapter will be the last (!) of the 5th year arch. But there will be a sequel (of this sequel xD). And I will tell you more about it in the next chapter.
Fun fact, the title for this chapter, was inspired by the The Rasmus song 'Justify'. And the full line is really poetic. It goes like this:
So close, so far. I'm lost in time. Ready to follow a sign. If there was only a sign.