All we do is drive

All we do is think about the feelings that we hide

All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign

Sick and full of pride

~ Halsey, Drive

BPOV

I rushed through the bedroom, still careful as I put my coveted diamond earrings in as I went. I was late for work and after I got stuck in the morning traffic that I usually left early to avoid, my time behind would be doubled.

"Oh," I mumbled, bumping into Edward as he walked out of the closet. An interesting place for him to be exiting considering the only clothing he had on was a pair of sweatpants that hung far too low on his hips.

I tried to step to the right to get around him, except he stepped to his left at the same time. We ended up in a frustrating back and forth that only went on for so long because Edward seemed to be enjoying himself.

"You know, one of the perks of dating someone twelve years older than me is supposed to be not having to put up with things like this," I sighed, sliding by him as he chuckled.

He was in an excellent mood. I would have matched it had my high from our morning in bed not been crushed by the realization that I was late and had a message from Renata asking me to join her for a meeting this morning.

"You could still call in sick," Edward suggested, leaning against the closet door as I shoved my feet in the first pair of heels my fingers touched.

"Me calling in sick on the first day of your hiatus isn't very subtle."

I didn't have to look at him to know he rolled his eyes. "Nobody would connect the dots."

I rolled my eyes this time. "Oh, they would."

It had been months since I started at Renata's new firm, but there was still no better gossip than me ending up in the corner office after Edward's three-million-dollar investment and our affair.

"It's healthy to ditch every now and then," Edward added, grabbing my waist as I tried to slide past him again.

I ended up with my back against the door jam, nearly eye to eye with Edward thanks to my heels. I let out a deep breath, relaxing for a moment as his fingers snuck up underneath my top and traced random patterns against my back.

Edward had two weeks off from his show. The network had a week-long special airing during his timeslot this week, and then he would be in New York for SNL the next week. I didn't realize how difficult him being free would make leaving for work in the mornings.

"If you stayed home we could spend the entire day in bed," he whispered, trailing his lips down my cheek to my neck. "I could spend the entire day buried inside you."

My involuntary whimper did nothing to help my case.

"You're a very bad influence on me," I grumbled, just barely snapping myself out of a lust-induced haze.

"I know."

I turned for what I intended to be a quick, I'm-sorry-but-I-have-to-go-to-work kiss. Edward turned it into his last effort to convince me to stay. Which very nearly worked.

He let me go eventually, albeit begrudgingly, and walked me out to my car. He stood in the doorway with a smile and a wave as I backed out of the garage. The sight of him, still very shirtless, had me freeze for a moment before I shook my head and headed down the street.

Thankfully, traffic wasn't awful and I managed to step off of the elevator just a few minutes late. There wasn't actually a set time I had to be in. My job could be done from just about anywhere and my schedule each day typically depended on my client's schedules. But, I liked setting a routine for myself and being in each day at eight seemed to be a good start.

I had just enough time to set my computer down in my office before Tanya buzzed me to tell me Renata was waiting in the conference room. I picked my computer back up and headed down the hall. After knocking softly on the closed conference room door, I headed inside.

At first, I assumed I was in the wrong room. Because sitting there, smiling right at me, were Carlisle and Esme. My head cocked to the side, my eyes falling on Renata sitting beside them.

"I'm sorry. Tanya said you were ready for me."

"I am," Renata nodded. She had many moods, and she seemed to be in her business-only one today. "Have a seat."

I did as I was told, sitting across from Carlisle and Esme. They both looked happy as could be, so I had to assume the meeting wasn't going to be awful.

"I'm going to bring you on as my second with Carlisle and Esme," Renata said calmly.

Her nonchalance was quite the opposite from the sudden alarm bells ringing in my brain. "Second?"

Renata nodded. "We'll work together for a while, get you accustomed to what they want and need. Then, in a year or two, you'll take over."

"Take over," I gasped. "For you. As their publicist."

Again, Renata nodded. "Yes."

"If you'll have us," Esme added with a smile.

My attention turned back toward the two of them. Sitting there, smiling over at me with a look I assumed most kids got from their parents when they came home with an A. It should have made me more confident, but it made an uncomfortable lump form in my throat.

My relationship with them grew every couple weeks when I got a call asking me to lunch. I didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable around them, and it was very obvious they were trying to make up for my lack of parental love in the past. And as much as I appreciated them for that, I didn't want them to feel like I expected this to happen.

"You guys don't have to do this," I started, going on when I saw Esme about to interrupt. "I just graduated college a year ago. Your careers were already well established before I was even born. You should have someone ten times more experienced than me taking over for Renata."

"If this is how you pitch yourself to potential clients, we're going to have to talk," Renata half-joked.

"It's not," I sighed, turning my attention back to Carlisle and Esme. "I just don't want you two choosing me because you feel like you have to."

"We're not," Carlisle said firmly. "Edward gave us a glowing recommendation."

I pressed my lips together, fighting the urge to roll my eyes.

"It's a big change for us," Esme added softly. "We've been with Renata for a very long time. It's hard to trust people in this business, but, we trust you. Completely."

A surge of pride welled up in my chest. I would be naïve to ever think their decision wasn't mostly driven by my relationship with Edward. But, Carlisle and Esme were smart people. They didn't have a decades long career in Hollywood by chance. They knew what they were doing.

They were also just as stubborn as their son, so I knew my chances of convincing them otherwise at this point were low.

"Okay," I nodded.

Their beaming smiles returned and it was hard not to match them. Our meeting moved on quickly, though, with Renata wanting to get down to business. I stayed quiet for the most part, taking notes and trying not to get in the way.

It was one thing working with Edward. He was a Cullen and that name alone brought a lot of attention. Alice was even more lowkey, because all she really wanted to do all day was shop for her clients and not be bothered. Carlisle and Esme, though, were staples in the city and had been for a long time. As hesitant as I was to accept the offer, it was an amazing opportunity.

"Ms. Swan!"

My name was called from the small waiting room as I walked by on my way back to my office. Carlisle and Esme left with quick smiles as a woman sauntered over to me. I took the few seconds it took her to make it my way to try and match her face to a name, but I was fairly certain I had never met her. She had bright, platinum blonde hair pulled back in such a tight ponytail it gave me a headache just thinking about it. She was very put together, in a feminine pantsuit tailored perfectly to her shape.

"Can I help you?" I asked, once she made her way to me.

"I'm Anastasia Glass. I was hoping you had a few minutes to talk. I work for your brother."

I kept my face neutral, even as my stomach dropped and then started to churn. Technically, I had a few brothers. Step-brothers, but still. I knew which one she was referring to.

"I've got a busy day," I gritted out, plastering on a fake smile.

"It will only take a few minutes, I promise."

She wasn't going anywhere, it was obvious. As much as I wanted to kick her out and erase the last two minutes from my memory, I also wanted to know what the fuck she wanted.

"Follow me."

I led her to my office, attempting to follow Doctor Stanley's recommended breathing technique. I got a little more furious with each step I took, though. Once I had my office door shut behind both of us, I sat down in my chair and dropped all niceties.

I didn't know who she was or what her relationship was with Tyler. The only thing I knew was that she had one and it was enough to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. "What do you want?"

Her smile was cocky and her red lipstick too perfect. "Like I said, I work for your brother. He's being recruited by a few Major League Baseball teams, potentially. He hired me to handle his publicity."

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry. I knew immediately where it was going, and it was both ironic and disturbing at the same time.

"I know you two have had your… differences, but I think it's time to put them to rest, don't you?" she asked, pulling a paper out of her bag and sliding it across my desk toward me.

I saw the big bold title and didn't bother reading the rest. I slid the paper back toward her. "I'm not signing that."

"You didn't even read it."

"I don't need to."

"It covers all of your bases, too. Tyler won't say anything if you won't say anything."

I had to swallow back some bile in the back of my throat. I stood up, grabbing the paper that she refused to pick back up, and slid it through a shredder in the corner of my office before opening my door. "It's time for you to leave."

That condescending smile never left her face as she pulled out what I assumed was another non-disclosure agreement and dropped it on my desk. "Think about it," she smiled, walking over and stopping in the doorway. "It'd be nice to have the whole thing disappear, wouldn't it?"

I didn't respond, instead watching her to make sure she got on the elevator and left without stopping to talk to anyone. I sank back into my chair, arguing with myself for an unbearable amount of time before I picked up the paper.

I was no stranger to NDA's. Loved them when they were in my favor. But one read through of this and I knew it wasn't. It barred me from talking about Tyler to anyone. So much as a mutter of his name and I'd owe him a hefty one-million-dollar fine.

Still, Anastasia's last words floated through my head on a constant loop. It'd be nice to have the whole thing disappear. If Tyler wanted me to sign an NDA, it might give me leverage to get him to sign one.

"Bella?" Tanya's voice was soft from the doorway. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head, flipping the paper over quickly before straightening up. "I'm fine."

"You've just been sitting there for about an hour. And you're more pale than usual. Do you want me to get you some food?"

"No, I'm okay," I sighed, shaking my head in an attempt to clear it. "I'm, uh, going to work from home for the rest of the day, though."

I hadn't even had time to do more than grab my computer this morning, so it was easy to quickly shove it and the NDA in my bag. "Call me if anything comes up, okay?"

Tanya nodded, worried blue eyes on me as I left.

Once I got to my car, my head fell back against the headrest with a thud. I was so tired of the constant cycle of finally starting to move on and be happy and present only for something else to pop up out of nowhere and send me back to square one. Whether it was Irina trying to get back at me for her divorce or Charlie trying to make things better much too late or Tyler sending his publicist to try and keep me quiet.

What infuriated me the most was that his publicist knew exactly what to say to make me want to sign the NDA.

I argued with myself my entire drive home. I wanted to sign it. I wanted Tyler to sign one and I wanted the entire first eighteen years of my life swept underneath a rug where no one could find it. Not even me.

The garage was open when I pulled into the driveway. The sound of my car caught Edward's attention immediately. He dropped the box in his hands and quickly made his way over to open my door.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned with a smile.

"It's healthy to ditch every now and then," I shrugged, attempting to match his smile but I was pretty sure it came off as more of a grimace. I got out of the car, leaning back against the closed door.

"Everything okay?"

I sighed, pulling the NDA out of my bag and handing it to him.

Edward frowned, the furrow of his brows deepening the longer he read the page. "What is this?"

"An NDA Tyler's publicist would like me to sign."

An impressively long string of curses was mumbled under his breath before he calmed himself down. "Are you going to?"

I shrugged, my eyes falling to the ground when I saw how surprised he was that I didn't outright refuse.

"What if I could get him to sign the same one and then it all just kind of… disappeared?" Even as the words came out I knew how pathetic it sounded.

A warm hand cupped my cheek, bringing my eyes up to meet his. A soft, sad smile tugged at his lips. "You know nothing is going to make it disappear," he whispered gently.

I nodded dejectedly. "I know. It would just be nice if it did."

My head fell against his chest, my arms wrapped tightly around his back until I felt like I could pull away and still keep my composure.

"What have you been doing?" I asked, my eyes falling toward the garage where he came from.

"Cleaning out the garage."

I snorted. It was the cleanest garage I had ever seen. You hear the word garage and you think of grease stains and messy tools. Edward's garage was immaculate. It housed cars whose prices would probably give me an aneurism. There were stainless steel storage closets that were full of waxes and rags and anything else needed to keep those cars perfect. Not an oil stain in sight.

"I've had to stash some stuff away in the garage over the years," he shrugged with a smile.

"I can help."

Edward shook his head. "You don't have to clean out the garage. None of this shit is yours."

I shrugged, welcoming the distraction. "That's okay. I just need to change."

I left him with a kiss to his cheek before I headed inside. I found Lady sprawled out on the couch in Edward's bedroom, all four paws stretched out in the air as she slept. I dropped my bag in the closet, pulling my phone out to keep on me. I should have been working, but I didn't have the energy or mental capacity to focus on it right now.

After pulling on a pair of jeans and an old UCLA t-shirt I didn't mind getting dirty, I slid my phone in my back pocket and headed back outside.

The garage really was as clean as could be. Edward had already boxed up his closets of car cleaning supplies, the most valuable things in the garage besides his cars, probably. The rest did seem to be a stash of random things that had accumulated throughout the years.

I was probably more of a hinderance than a help. I had no clue what to do with anything I found. Until I stumbled across a box full of half a dozen scrapbooks.

"Mom makes a scrapbook a year for everyone from birth to eighteen," Edward said with a smile. "Which is wonderful. Unless you have twins and are going to end up with thirty-six giant scrapbooks by the time they're eighteen."

I chuckled, dropping the basket full of books on the bench in the corner. "Can I look at them?"

Edward smiled at me from across the garage where he was taping up a box. "Of course."

I sat down on the bench, carefully grabbing the first book out of the basket. Lucy - Age 5 was written in elegant script in the center. I flipped through the book slowly, making sure to pay attention to every detail in each picture and not disturb anything as I looked.

Lucy was a beautiful young woman now. In these photos, she was an adorable little girl who never failed to give the camera a big, beaming smile. My heart melted a little more each time I saw a photo of her holding Edward's hand or happily riding on his shoulders. He would have been just about my age when Lucy was five.

My disappointment at turning the final page drifted away when I remembered I had a box full of books next to me. Masen's at six was next. He really was practically Edward's twin. The photo in Edward's room at his parent's house of him as a child with a toothless smile floated through my mind as I saw a nearly identical one of Masen doing the same.

The books weren't in any kind of order. I got to go through Lucy at ages four, seven, and twelve. Then Masen's at six and ten. I pulled out the last one, assuming it would be another Masen, but sucked in a deep breath when I read the title. Edward – Age 18.

"This one is you," I gasped, looking up for the first time since I opened Lucy's first book.

Edward was already staring at me, or seemed to have been. He was leaning against one of the shining steel cabinets with his arms crossed over his chest. "Must have gotten mixed in the with kids'. What age?" he asked, sauntering over and sitting down next to me.

"Eighteen."

A big year for him. His kids were born, he graduated high school, and got married all at eighteen. My eyes darted over to him, waiting until I got a small nod before I opened the book.

I couldn't help the big smile that tugged at my lips as I scanned the first picture. Edward at eighteen, sitting at a table with an elaborate birthday cake in front of him and Carlisle and Esme on either side behind him.

"You're cute," I mumbled, my eyes going from picture to picture of his eighteenth birthday party. I committed every picture in the book to my memory. Every goofy smile eighteen-year-old Edward gave the camera, every outdated outfit, every look of complete adoration he had when he held his kids for the first time.

There was a melancholy pull in my chest, that he'd had so long to do so many things before I ever knew him. When he was eighteen and sitting at that table with his parents I was six and meeting my mother's new boyfriend for the first time.

But, then, I looked over at him sitting next to me now. He no longer attempted to tame his hair, instead letting the dozens of times he ran his fingers through it a day attempt to subdue the mess. His face was sharper, his jaw more defined even with a new layer of scruff starting to grow. He was definitely not the lanky teenager from the photos anymore.

Today could have been a pretty awful day for me. I could have lost myself in my anger at Anastasia and Tyler and my entire family, gotten consumed by unpleasant memories and emotions. Instead, I had Edward to go home to. To talk to. To remind me that as much as I hated my past, I had a lot to look forward to in the future.

…Closure…

I was late getting home a few days later. Alice and Rosalie had shown up at my office right before I was set to leave, informing me that we all had appointments for manicures and pedicures down the street. Apparently, it was blasphemous of me to think I could go out of town without a fresh coat of paint covering every nail on my body.

I loved a good manicure as much as the next woman, but I had also stupidly played hooky from work for a whole day a week before I was going to be out of town for another week. It was already Thursday so I had one more day to get my shit together before we left.

Still. I was pretty happy with my deep, emerald green toes and pale pink fingernails. I didn't get to see Rosalie or Alice all that much lately, either, so an hour at the nail salon with them was worth the subsequent stress.

"Can we just not please?" I heard Lucy groan as soon as I opened the front door.

I set my bag down carefully by the front door, petting Lady's head as she jumped on my legs in greeting.

"We can stop when you take the box."

I pressed my lips together at the sound of Edward's dad voice.

"I don't need them Dad," Lucy whined.

"Yes. You do. I know your mom took you to the doctor and you're on the pill, but it doesn't – "

"Oh, my God! Fine, fine! Can we just never talk about this again?"

"You've got one more year before college, which means you've got one more year of these conversations. At least."

In a movement only a teenage girl could pull off, Lucy groaned and stomped away. Thankfully she headed to the basement, and not to her room so I didn't get caught. A minute after I was sure she was gone, I carefully rounded the corner.

"Hey."

Edward was leaning over the counter, head in his hands. He popped up, eyes on me when I spoke. "Hey."

"Everything okay?"

"No," he groaned. "I had to buy my kids condoms today."

"Oh," I gasped, the conversation making more sense now.

"I'm not going to become a grandfather at thirty-five."

"Your birthday is in about a month. Unless someone was already about to pop, you could make it to thirty-six before…"

I stopped when I realized it wasn't exactly the time for jokes.

"I've given them the talk once a year since they were fourteen. They're both dating now, though. And teenagers are… fucking stupid, you know? Someone could get pregnant, someone could get sick – "

I shook my head, sitting at the island across from him. "You don't have to defend your decision to me. I get it. Thanks for never giving me any kind of horrible disease, by the way."

Edward's head cocked to the side, surprise and confusion written all over his face.

"I had to go to the doctor a while ago. Just a yearly thing. But, I had to tell her I was having sex. Then she obviously knew about the whole affair and very professionally recommended I get tested for… things. I'm all clear though. So, thanks."

My distraction worked, a crooked smile tugging at Edward's lips as he stared at me. "You're welcome."

I nodded. "It's smart. Giving them everything they'd need. Teenagers are stupid. You shouldn't feel bad for not wanting to be a grandfather at thirty-five."

I stopped talking when I heard footsteps heading up the stairs.

"I'm going to Ethan's for dinner," Lucy mumbled, grabbing her bag off the counter without making eye contact with either Edward or I.

"I'm going to Mona's for dinner," Masen added, trailing behind Lucy. He didn't seem nearly as embarrassed as Lucy.

"Home by ten, please," Edward shouted after them, turning his attention back toward me when they were gone. "It'll be a good three days before either of them talks to me."

I chuckled. "From my very limited knowledge of raising children, I'm pretty sure that means you're doing something right."

Edward sighed, walking around the counter to lean against it beside me. "Why don't we go out? Just the two of us."

I smiled up at him. As much as I enjoyed nights spent at home with Masen and Lucy, I also really loved being alone with him. "Okay. I just need to change. Where are we going?"

"Somewhere casual," Edward said with a shrug, the glint in his eye throwing me off for a moment.

I got changed quickly, pulling on a simple yellow sundress and a pair of wedge heels. I pulled my hair out of the braid it had been in all day, letting it fall down my shoulders in soft waves. I didn't bother asking any questions once we were in the car. I watched the city flash by through the window, Edward's hand intertwined with mine, and enjoyed the peaceful drive.

He went through a drive through, ordering what I was told was the best grilled cheese in the city, before driving off again. I frowned over at him when we ended up at a scenic overlook, parked off to the side with a wonderful view of the city beneath us.

"I got to thinking, after we were looking at my scrapbook," Edward started, grabbing the bag of food and handing me a sandwich. "You never did the whole dating thing in high school, and it's kind of the best part it."

A smile tugged at my lips. "So, this is a eighteen-year-old Edward Cullen date?"

"It is," he nodded with a proud smile.

I curled my legs underneath me, turning toward him as I took a bite of my sandwich. "So, how do you think you did on the trig test?"

Edward let out a hearty laugh, smiling over at me. "I don't know. I might need you to tutor me some more."

I smiled over at him, tearing off another piece of my sandwich.

Not half an hour later I was in his lap, sandwiched between Edward's body and the steering wheel, with his tongue swirling against mine. I wasn't quite sure how it happened. No, that was a lie. Edward taking me on a date his eighteen-year-old self would have was just as charming and infatuating as he was on a normal day, probably even more so.

Which made the whole situation inevitable, really. Because I only had so much self-control. It would make for quite the unfortunate headline if we were caught, but we hadn't seen anyone since we were here or on the drive up. The steady rain that had started to fall had hopefully deterred anyone else from taking a late-night drive.

A moan tickled the back of my throat when one of his hands slid firmly up my thigh, not hesitating until two fingers slid inside me. My eyes popped open, falling down to Edward's as he stared up at me with a satisfied smile as my hips started to move in tandem with his fingers.

Words kept trying to come out of my mouth, turning into unintelligible mumbles. Eventually my lips pressed harshly to his, my fingers quickly letting go of his shoulders and falling to his belt.

The atmosphere lightened for a few minutes, both of us fumbling in the front seat of a car that was definitely too small to be doing what we were doing. Both of our laughs died out as soon as Edward's jeans were out of the way and I slid myself down on top of him.

The windows of the car blurred with fog and I could feel it rocking with our movements. Everything besides the hands on my hips and the lips on my chest were inconsequential, though.

I buried my head in Edward's shoulder, taking a deep breath. He smelled of fresh cotton and sunshine and home and it made my butterflies float happily around my stomach.

I never knew how good it could be. It. Sex. Love. Life. Everything. Being happy for an extended period of time was new for me. Wanting someone so much that I had no qualms about hopping in his lap in a parked car would have been a complete joke to me a year and a half ago.

My thoughts fizzled out, my entire body tightening around Edward as my release shot through my veins.

"I love you," I mumbled against his neck, once I could form a coherent thought.

Edward pulled away slightly, cupping my cheek and brushing my messy hair out of my face with one had while the other slid the thin sleeves of my dress back up both of my shoulders. "I love you, too."

The sweet moment was gone as soon as my back accidently hit the horn. The noise made me flinch, my elbow somehow turning on the windshield wipers.

"Car sex is complicated," I grumbled, frowning when I appeared to be completely stuck.

Edward's loud laugh echoed throughout the car, making me not mind being stuck at all.

A/N: long time no see, huh? I'm so sorry for the wait on this. My father was diagnosed with a very serious condition this month, and it's really hard for me to focus on anything besides him these days. While the future is a little sketchy for me right now, and I can't promise an update once a week or even every other week, I can promise you that this story will be completed. I'm hoping things will calm down a little now and I can update more regularly, but I just can't make any promises on a timeline right now. I will not abandon this story or you guys, though.

I'll see you (hopefully) soon for the next one!

PS. Obviously the ditching line is loosely taken from Twilight. :)