a companion piece of sorts to the last chapter.
it one was tough to write, and it hits in the feels for sure, but not something I felt I could ignore.
enjoy.
"Lila, Coop…. Can you two come out here a second?"
Lila looks up and shares a confused frown with her brother because she can't place exactly what it is, but there's something about her mother's voice that seems...off. Her eyebrows rise in a silent question, but Cooper just shrugs in response and gets up to head out the back door. Lila gives one last look at her younger brother who is happily watching cartoons before following Cooper out the door.
"What is it?" she asks, eyes flitting between her parents as she finds them at the picnic table out back. She doesn't miss the haggard look on their faces, and she exchanges another worried glance with her brother.
"Have a seat," Clint says, gesturing to the opposite side of the picnic table.
"What's going on?" Cooper asks, hesitating before he makes a move to sit down.
"Coop," Clint sighs, "just sit."
"Please," Laura adds with a small smile that is probably meant to be comforting, but when mixed with the look in her eyes is only cause for worry.
Lila's stomach begins churning because now she's certain that whatever they're about to tell them is not good.
"Now, first," Laura starts, taking a moment to look each of them in the eye, "don't tell your brother any of this, okay? He's still a bit young, and we need to… We'll tell him, okay?"
Lila's frown deepens, but she nods and sees her brother do the same.
"There are a few things you should know about the, uh, last little while," Clint says.
"What d'you mean, Dad?" Cooper interjects with a deep frown on his face.
"Well for one thing, the year is 2023."
Cooper and Lila share a look of confusion. "What?" they say in unison.
"I know, it sounds insane. But what's the last thing you remember before I got back?"
"You were teaching me to use the bow...and we were about to have lunch…"
"And then?" Clint prompts.
Lila frowns again. "And then...then I woke up and you weren't there."
Clint nods. "And you, Coop?"
He shrugs. "The same mostly. I was playing catch with Nate, and then I woke up."
"That was five years ago. Don't believe me? Check your phones."
Lila glances over at Cooper who is staring at his phone in confusion.
"Five years?" he croaks out. "How?"
"This is where things start to get a bit crazy."
"This is where it gets crazy?!" Cooper says, eyes wide and unbelieving.
"I know it sounds like it's straight out of a hollywood movie, but it gets weirder. You guys were part of the half of the universe that was, uh, wiped out temporarily."
"Wiped out?" Cooper echoes, and Lila is grateful for his responses because she has the exact same disbelief, but can't find her voice.
"Turned to dust, specifically."
"Dad…"
"It's true, Coop," Laura says, reaching over to squeeze her son's hand. "I know it sounds crazy, but it's true."
"So why are we back?" Cooper asks. "What happened?"
"Well, to make a very long story short, the Avengers managed to find a way to get everyone back," Clint explains.
"How?" Lila asks, finally finding her voice.
"The exact details of how is not important right now," he says with a dismissive wave of his hands. "But there was a battle, and we...we won."
"Okay..." Lila says, the syllables stretching out in her confusion. "So, everything is back to normal now? Or…?"
"Well uh- Not quite normal, no. In the, uh, lead up to- Well-"
Lila sees her mom squeeze her dad's hand tightly, and her stomach drops. Because if her dad is struggling with telling them this, that can only mean that something really bad happened.
"Dad..." Lila says softly. "What is it?"
Clint clears his throat and looks up at the sky for a moment before his gaze drops back down. "Well, your Aunt Nat…"
Lila's eyes go wide as she begins to put the pieces together. "No," she says with a shake of her head.
"She-"
"NO!" Lila says, tears filling her eyes.
"Lila," Laura says softly, reaching a hand out. Lila looks up and sees the tears in her mother's eyes through her own and shakes her head in denial. She jerks back and pulls her hands away.
"What did she do?" Cooper asks quietly. Lila glances at him only briefly, long enough to see his jaw clench in a telltale sign of him trying to keep his emotions in check.
Clint's gaze drops to his hands in front of him before his eyes shut, and Laura squeezes his arm. "She sacrificed herself so that we could get you guys and everybody else back," he manages to get out.
"No," Lila whispers as her head tips down and she wraps her arms around herself. "No, no, no..."
"We know this is hard to hear," Laura says through her tears. "But we wanted to tell you before you heard it somewhere else."
And then it occurs to Lila that while she had been dead, or dusted, or whatever the hell she was, she was now back and very much alive. So if they could bring her back, then why couldn't they could bring Aunt Nat back too?
"You brought everyone else back, bring her back too," Lila says stubbornly, eyes rising to meet Clint's gaze. "Bring. Her. Back!"
"I wish I could, sweetheart," Clint says softly. "Believe me, we tried, but it can't be undone."
Lila glares at her father and then gets up abruptly, feeling an overwhelming need to run. She sprints away from the house, not knowing or caring what direction she's heading. She can hear her parents' yells behind her, but she doesn't care. She just keeps running, and running, and running.
She runs until it feels like her lungs are going to burst, and the tears have blurred her vision so badly she can't tell what's in front of her. Her legs feel like jelly as she falls, her knees slamming painfully against the ground. She wipes the tears from her eyes and looks around, finding herself at the base of a large tree near the edge of their property. Still breathing harshly, she sits back against the tree to rest, but without anything else to focus on, her mind begins to hone in on the very anguish she'd been trying to outrun.
She can't be gone. She's Aunt Nat. Dad always jokes she's too stubborn to die... She can't be gone. She can't be. She can't be.
Lila turns to the side quickly as she's hit with the urge to vomit. Everything blurs again as she begins to heave, her mind throwing memories of her aunt at her relentlessly from over the years.
Her parents had warned her that Auntie Nat had to work, and they weren't sure if she would be able to be at her recital...but Lila knew she'd be there. She'd pinky promised that she would do everything she could to be there, and Lila knew that 'everything she could' meant she would be there. She just knew it.
She tries to peek around the curtain to see, but her teacher spots her and ushers her back to the group.
"Ready, girls?" her teacher asks, flashing a bright smile.
"Yeah!" they chorus back, and then begin to get ready to go on stage.
She can't help but scan the crowd once they're on stage, and she panics when she can't find her parents or Aunt Nat. But then she remembers the advice Aunt Nat had given her at her birthday party a few weeks back.
"You'll be fine!" she had said. "Just relax, and don't worry about what you can't control. Besides, you only get to be a part of the 5-Year-Olds recital once, so have some fun," she'd finished with a wink.
Her teacher begins to lead them and Lila forgets all about her worries and starts dancing instead.
They finish a few minutes later and the audience gives them a loud cheer and a round of applause, and it's then that Lila spots her parents in a section to the left. She doesn't see Auntie Nat with them, so she keeps looking and finally spots her at the back, leaning against the doorway.
Auntie Nat flashes her a wide smile and gives her two thumbs up when their gazes meet. Lila feels her heart swell and she skips off the stage with her classmates, feeling like a million bucks.
Just a short while later she's meeting up with her family in front of the stage.
"Auntie Nat! You made it!" Lila cries as she jumps up into her arms.
"Of course I did, Lila. I pinky promised."
"Mom and Dad said you had to work," she says, shooting an unimpressed look to her parents.
Nat shrugs and grins. "I made it work."
"Oh really?" Clint says doubtfully.
"Yep," she replies. "Just told the bad guys I had a ballet recital to get to," she says with a knowing grin, "they made things real easy for me then."
"I told you she'd be here!" Lila says with a wide smile as she gives her aunt a tight hug.
The whole Avengers team had come home with her father and she had been excited to meet them all, but Lila could tell something was 'off' with her aunt. Nat had scooped her up into her arms and hugged her tightly, just like always, but still she could tell there was something going on...
By the time dinner rolled around, Lila still hadn't figured out what was wrong, and she hadn't really had a chance to spend any time with her aunt. So when her mom asked her to let Nat know dinner was almost ready, Lila jumped at the chance and headed out the back door in search of her aunt.
It takes her a few minutes, but eventually she spots Nat sitting in one of the wooden chairs out by the fire pit.
"Auntie Nat?" she calls out shyly as she approaches her from behind.
Nat turns around and offers a small smile. "Myshka, what are you doing out here?"
Lila grins at the nickname. "Looking for you. Mom says dinner's almost ready."
"Oh, thanks. I'll be there in a few minutes then."
Lila shifts her weight from one foot to the other as she chews her lip.
"What's wrong, Lila?" Nat asks, a frown creasing her brow in concern.
She takes a deep breath and decides to be brave. "Are you okay?"
Nat offers a sad smile. "C'mere," she says, waving her over. Lila obliges and makes her way to stand in front of her aunt, where she is scooped up onto Nat's lap and held tightly in her arms.
"Daddy said you got hurt," Lila says, tipping her head up so she can see her aunt's face.
Nat nods. "I did."
"Are you okay?" she repeats the question from earlier.
"I will be," Nat answers after a moment.
"Can I help?" Lila asks, looking up at her aunt with wide, caring eyes.
"You already are."
"I am?"
Nat nods. "Lila hugs are the best," she says with a small smile.
"Auntie Nat hugs are the best," Lila counters with a grin.
"Well I can't hug myself," Nat says with a soft chuckle. "So I have to get my hugs from somewhere else."
Lila giggles in response to her aunt's tickling before throwing her arms around Nat tightly. "I love you, Auntie Nat," she whispers.
Lila hears Nat breathe in sharply and then feels herself being held even tighter. "Thank you, myshka," Nat whispers back.
Lila coughs harshly as she turns over in her bed for what feels like the millionth time. She can hear faint voices from downstairs, where her mom and Auntie Nat are talking.
"Poor kid came down with a nasty cough a few days ago."
"That sucks. Think she got it from school?"
"Most likely. She's been absolutely miserable, and keeps asking for Clint."
"I tried to get a hold of him, but he's-"
"It's okay. I know."
"Any way I can help?"
"Maybe. I'm sure a visit from her favourite aunt will lift her spirits."
"Is she awake?"
"Probably. The cough has been keeping her up."
"She due for any medication?"
"Actually, yeah. Now that you mention it, she's due for another dose of the cough syrup. Here, two spoonfuls."
"Got it. Go get some sleep, Laura. I can tell you haven't been sleeping well either. I'll clean up down here after Lila settles."
"Thanks, Nat. I'll head up in a little bit."
She expects to hear footsteps on the stairs, or in the hallway, but it's eerily silent. Suddenly her door is opening and it's only then that she remembers how quiet her aunt can be.
Lila sits up and opens her mouth to say hello, but starts coughing instead. The fit lingers longer than the previous ones and tears start to form in her eyes from the force of coughing.
Auntie Nat doesn't say anything but she sits down next to Lila and begins to rub her back gently. After another minute, the coughing begins to slow and Lila leans into her aunt tiredly.
"Heard you weren't feeling great," Nat says with the slightest tilt of her head and a sad smile as she wraps an arm around her.
Lila's lower lip trembles as more tears fall and she presses further into her aunt's side, seeking comfort.
"Here, time for some more medicine."
Lila scowls and presses her face stubbornly into her aunt's shirt. "I don't like it."
Nat chuckles. "Nobody ever does, but if you want to stop coughing and get some sleep you need to take it."
She scowls again but nods and lets her aunt pour out the syrup. It tastes disgusting, and she can't help grimacing.
"That should start to work soon, but in the meantime let's get you tucked in again," Nat says, pulling back the covers and gesturing for Lila to crawl back in.
Lila nods and then scoots back under the covers. Nat tucks her in snugly and then strokes her cheek a few times.
"Auntie Nat?"
"Mm?" she hums in reply.
"Can you stay with me?" Lila asks hopefully. "Until I fall asleep," she adds after a beat.
"Sure, myshka," Nat replies softly. "But you have to close your eyes before you can fall asleep," she adds with a smile.
"Can you tell me a story?"
Nat's brow arches. "I thought you were going to try to sleep."
"Can't sleep without a story," Lila explains. "Pleeeease?" she adds, eyes wide and hopeful.
"You drive a hard bargain, Miss Barton," Nat says with a shake of her head. "Fine, what kind of story?"
"How you and Daddy met!"
Nat sighs. "Again?"
"But it's the best one!"
"If you say so."
"Daddy says so too."
"Oh, he does, does he?"
Lila nods with a grin.
"Well if it's the best story then I suppose I have to..."
Lila grins again and then wiggles a little more to snuggle even further under the covers.
"Okay, once upon a time..."
"Aunt Nat?" Lila says as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, and wrings her hands together nervously.
Nat turns around, brows rising in a silent answer.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"I, um... I read some stuff online..."
Nat's expression stays carefully blank, and she remains silent, her gaze unwavering. "What kind of stuff? You know you're not supposed to be on the computer without one of your parents."
"Yeah, I know. But um, I, um, I was wondering..."
Nat offers a small smile of reassurance, and Lila takes a deep breath.
"Were you really one of the bad guys?"
Nat's expression falls and she lets out a soft sigh. "Many, many years ago, yes."
Lila's eyes widen at the confirmation. She couldn't imagine any of the crap that the people on TV spewed or any of the stuff the kids at school were saying about her aunt were true, and yet...
"I was raised to believe what I was doing was good, and that it was all to make the world better."
"But-" Lila tries to interject, but Nat keeps speaking.
"When your Dad and I met, he managed to help convince me that I was looking at things all wrong and that I didn't have to listen to the people who had raised me anymore."
"And then you and him became partners, and you became my Aunt Nat?"
Nat nods. "Eventually, yes."
Lila tilts her head, trying to wrap her brain around things. "Does that mean you're a bad person?" she asks.
Nat is quiet for a moment. "Well I try my best to be good, and to try and make up for what I did."
"So you're a good person?"
She pauses for a moment. "I'm trying very hard to be."
Lila swipes at the tears making their way down her cheeks as she gulps in big, shuddering breaths. She hears the tentative steps behind her and she lets out a shaky sigh.
"Lila..."
She doesn't have the strength to fight with her dad anymore and so she gives up, letting him approach without any argument.
"Mind if I join you?" he asks. She shrugs and he sits down next to her. "Wanna tell me what's going on in your mind, sweetheart? It's not healthy to keep it bottled up."
"I hadn't seen her in months," Lila mumbles after a prolonged moment of silence.
Clint nods. "She didn't want to compromise your safety, otherwise she would have visited."
"She was with Captain America, right?" Clint nods. "How come you weren't with them?" she asks, even though she knows the answer. He'd explained it to her and Cooper not long after he came home with the ankle monitor.
"Because I wanted to be here with you guys. I'd been away for long enough then, and I figured staying together with our family was more important."
"More important than being an Avenger?"
Clint sighs. "Yes. And besides, the team was a bit...fractured then. Not sure there really was an Avengers at that point..."
Lila's eyebrows rise. That is news to her. There were murmurs of a fight in the Avengers team, but she had dismissed it as gossip, figuring her dad would tell her if anything had happened. And besides, there was no way he and Aunt Nat would be on opposite sides...
"That's a story for another day, I think," he says with a dismissive wave of his hands. "But the point is, I decided to stay here."
"Why didn't Aunt Nat stay too?"
"I don't know if I can answer that one for you, sweetheart. But I think she probably felt she should keep working."
They fall into silence again, and Lila lets her body melt into the familiarity of her father's arms. But even as she begins to relax, her mind is racing with questions.
How hard is this for Dad?
When did Aunt Nat die? How did she die? Where did she die? Who was with her? Or was she alone? Was it painful? Did she know ahead of time?
What had she been doing for those five missed years?
Was there a funeral? Did she get buried somewhere? Can I go visit her grave?
Lila sighs heavily, trying to turn off her mind for just a minute before the thoughts completely overwhelm her. She tries to think back to the last time she saw her aunt, but finds she can't place it. It was probably a quick visit, or maybe a video call, but she can't remember it, and she feels sick all over again. Her Aunt Nat had been such a huge part of her life and she can't even remember the last time she had seen her.
"Hey, I can hear the gears grinding. What're you thinking?" Clint asks softly.
"I don't remember the last time I saw her," she says sadly, sniffling as more tears form. "Or what the last thing I said to her was."
He stays quiet, sensing his daughter has more to say.
"I shoulda told her- I don't think I told her that I loved her often enough."
"She knew, Lila. And she loved you so much. It's why she fought so hard for those five years. She was trying to find a way to get you back. She never gave up."
"But she's not here," Lila counters, her lower lip trembling again. "She's supposed to be here. She was gonna let me drive her car when I got my licence. And she-"
Clint wraps an arm around her and pulls her tightly to his side. "I know, sweetheart. And I know it hurts, believe me, I'm hurting too."
"Did it- Was she-" Lila begins, but then cuts herself off abruptly, unsure of how to ask. And if she even wants to know, for that matter... She takes a deep breath. "Was it painful for her?"
Clint sucks in a sharp breath and then exhales it shakily. "No," he answers, shaking his head. "No, it was quick."
Lila nods, but the answer doesn't give her any comfort. "Was she alone?" she asks, needing to know. She didn't want to imagine her aunt dying all alone. She didn't want to think of her having no one to remind her they loved her, and no one to comfort her.
Clint shakes his head again. "I was with her."
Lila feels more tears escape because again, the answer doesn't bring any comfort. She licks her lips. "Was she scared?" She can't even imagine the fear that she herself would feel if she knew she was about to die.
Clint is quiet for a moment before answering. "I- I don't know. Maybe," he answers softly. He sighs. "But she had made up her mind. She was going to save me, and save everyone else, and nothing was going to change her mind," he adds thoughtfully.
Lila stays silent as she processes her dad's words. She wasn't alone. It didn't hurt. She chose to do it to save everyone.
"She was a hero."
"You're damn right she was," he answers firmly. "She was the bravest person I've ever known, and she fought so hard to do the right thing."
"I miss her," Lila whispers shakily, feeling the grief ramp up again. "I miss her so much."
"Me too, Lila. Me too."
"She's beautiful, Lila," Clint says softly as he stares down at his granddaughter. "Absolutely gorgeous."
Lila smiles tiredly, feeling aches swell with even the smallest movements. "You think?"
Clint glances up and smiles. "Oh, yeah. No question."
"Thanks."
"You guys settle on a name yet?"
Lila smiles and feels the tears gather in her eyes. "Yeah. We've known for awhile, actually."
"Oh?" he says as he looks up, recognizing the emotion trembling in his daughter's voice. He looks down again when a little whimper draws his attention back to the bundle in his arms.
"Natasha," she whispers.
Clint's head snaps up and meets his daughter's gaze. "Li..." he whispers in reply, tears pooling in his eyes. "That's- She would-" He stops and shakes his head a little, lips pressing together tightly to hold in the emotion.
"I know," she says with a nod, not bothering to hide the tears dripping down her face. "She was- She was important to me and I wanted to honour her."
Clint is quiet as he holds his daughter's watery gaze. Lila can see how much it means to him to have his best friend's name given to his granddaughter. It's been years and years since they lost her, but some days it still feels as fresh as it did all those years ago.
"She would be so proud of you, kid," he finally says softly. "The person you've become...she would be so damn proud."
Lila smiles and fruitlessly wipes the tears from her cheeks, even as fresh ones take their place.
"Hi, Natasha," he whispers, looking down at the bundle in his arms. "You don't know it yet, but you were named for the bravest woman I've ever known. She was a hero, and she did so many amazing things in this world..." he trails off, emotion choking him. "And I know you're gonna do great things too."
many thanks to all who've taken the time to leave a few words - always lovely to hear what folks think!
thoughts and comments are welcomed, if you are so inclined.
more to come...