3
Hayden was a rotund man who looked like he should be on a treadmill with some monitors hooked up to him, not causally leaning as far as he could to scratch an itch. "Ayah… I can take yer."
"We would want full day excursions" Jack said without concern as the man now farted before straightening up to stare at him.
"That's what the All Terrainers are for"
"All… all terrain? What?" Owen pushed past Gwen to step closer to the fat man "What sort are we talking?"
"We got the Spiders over there, the eight wheeled bikes with wicked suspension, or the more traditional four wheelers most like. You look more like a Spider man to me, these pussies go through cricks and …"
"Cricks?" Gwen asked with confusion.
Hayden gave her a withering look and then a sympathetic one to Owen "Each team has to have one I suppose."
Owen's grin grew wider as he said distractedly to Gwen "Creeks. He said creeks."
"Oh god, Owen speaks redneck" Gwen laughed and everything seemed to freezer as the fat man suddenly swung to look directly at her, drawing himself up and become less fat as much as … pissy.
"Excuuuuuuume me. What in the fucking Jesus Christ Hell did you just call me Gappy?" Hayden was suddenly very focused and each word easy to understand, his eyes narrowed even as his girth seemed to grow.
Andy looked from one to the other and stepped forward to say softly "Mister Jones recommended you."
"Huh?"
"Ianto? Ianto Jones?"
"You met The Man Jones?"
They all stared at him now as this conversation was like in some foreign language with crappy subtitles or something. Finally Jack started again "Hi. Mister Jones was at the tavern … ah… inn or whatever and suggested we ask you to help us do a scout about on the mountain and in the forest for signs of anything… hinky."
"Hinky" the fat man repeated, and then gave a weird snort of laughter "Did he now! Well, shit. He even held a conversation with you. Consider yourself lucky. That sort do not come to town much and prefer to dump and run, if ya know what I mean. Can take years to get a conversation going with one of the ones who come down to mingle with us. Hinky."
"He was very nice!" Toshiko said with a frown "So polite and friendly. He accepted a Gummy Bear sweet from me and called me Blossom."
"Ah, he likes you then. The little girls get called that sometimes, the boys are all called Buddy or Boss. They all love him. I know as a kid I was pretty taken with him meself" the man who looked to be in his mid twenties, much like Mister Jones had appeared to be, hitched his britches up and looked up at the ceiling like he was trying to tell the time with the stains from leaks or something. "Right. OK then. If he sez it's alright to traipse about on his mountain then let's go for it. Shit, I wouldn't mind getting a look at the deer hides with hunting season due soon."
"His mountain?"
"Ah, I don't mean he owns it. He lives on it, at the base." Hayden corrected himself "His people have been here forever."
"But he's Welsh" Gwen said with confusion.
"Sometimes" came the same infuriating reply as Ianto had given her and she pursued her lips tighter as Jack changed the subject.
"Can we try to those spiders and get a feel for them, see if the girls can control the larger ones or might want to double on a four wheeler. The ATVs look cool so maybe one of them can drive that with extra gear in it?" Jack pointed.
"Gwen can, I am riding a fucking Spider" Toshiko said with a snort, stalking off as the others watched her with surprise.
"What the fuck got into her?" Gwen asked. "Did you hear her mouth?"
"Clean country air. Clears the sinuses, opens the pores and lessens the ability to tolerate fuckwits." Hayden grinned "I will see if Jim-Bob and the Claymore wanna come with. They can bring their own ATVs so they can keep pace with Gappy here."
Gwen gaped at him as he turned to walk away, dismissing her as he and Jack started to talk about guns and a picnic lunch maybe.
Gwen turned to Toshiko to ask her for something but found the space next to her empty, Toshiko already clambering onto a Spider to feel the bounciness of the chassis on the huge suspicion springs and rods. The motorbikes looked like something out of a sci-fi movie.
"These are fantastic, you make them yourself?" she asked as she tried the throttle and found it not too spring loaded.
"Ayah. We build them, bugger them too" then he roared with glee "Drove one right off a cliff once, damn if I didn't almost kill meself. God… I was a crazy kid. I wish I could say I matured with age but I still drive 'em too fast for me Daddy's liking."
"Surprised one can take your weight" Gwen muttered to herself.
"I might be fat lady but I am well ballasted, those big tits of yours might be your undoing if ya hit the brakes too hard" he replied as he stomped off and Owen roared with mirth as Gwen swung to Jack who seemed not to have heard that one.
He wanted a Spider too.