an abundance of time at home has allowed me more time to write, and so this one comes a bit quicker than usual.
enjoy.
"Still got a thing for sunrises, huh?" Steve says as he approaches the dock, holding a thermos of coffee, a blanket, and a couple of mugs.
Natasha turns and smiles softly. Steve is struck by how ethereal she looks in the warm hues of the rising sun.
"Old habits die hard," she says as she looks up at him. "And besides, it reminds me of home."
Steve hums in agreement as he hands her the blanket and smiles when she immediately wraps it around her shoulders.
"Careful, old man. Gotta watch those hips," she teases as he eases down to sit beside her.
"You know what, Romanoff?" he retorts with a playful frown.
"What, Rogers?" she replies innocently.
"You better watch those manners or I won't share any of this," he threatens as he holds up the thermos.
"Just as well," she answers lazily as she leans back onto her elbows and crosses her ankles, "that stuff probably barely qualifies as coffee. More like sludge."
"Hey," he protests, "it's not that bad."
"I'm pretty sure you won't be able to even pour it."
He frowns and peeks inside the thermos. He never had been very good at making coffee, but he hadn't been that bad… Had he? "It's liquid," he confirms.
She lets out a deep belly laugh and Steve grins at the sound. "Well in that case maybe I'll take my chances. Go on, Rogers, pour me some."
He obliges and hands her the mug, watching as she sniffs it appraisingly before taking a tentative sip. "Mm, not bad after all."
"And you doubted me."
"No, I spoke from experience," she corrects with a cheeky grin.
"That's cold, Romanoff."
"What, the man who's always honest wants me to lie? My, my, Steve, how things have changed. I really did corrupt you like they always said I would."
He shakes his head but can't help the huff of laughter from escaping.
"You should try painting one of these," she suggests, gesturing with her mug to the red and gold hues beginning to spread across the sky.
He takes a drink from his own mug, considering her suggestion. He'd never been much of a painter, instead preferring to sketch, but he did have an abundance of time on his hands now…
"Maybe," he hedges. "Never been very good at painting though. Don't think I could do it justice."
"Few people really can. Maybe you should try photography. You mastered a cell phone, I bet a camera wouldn't be too difficult for you."
"Why do I get the feeling you're a closeted expert at photography?"
She laughs again. "Nope. Been decades since I held a camera that wasn't in a cell phone."
"Maybe something to try then," he replies, turning her own suggestion back on her.
"Nah, you're the artistic one around here. Don't wanna step on your toes."
"Says the woman who's a ballerina."
"I'm not a ballerina."
"You do ballet," he argues, "and last time I checked that makes you a ballerina."
She gives him a quick, light-hearted side eye glare before taking another drink.
"You know, I've never seen you dance.
"I've never seen you dance either."
"Nat," he scolds. "Stop dodging."
"Old habits die hard," she says with a guilty smile.
He shakes his head. "Nice try," he says while throwing an expectant look at her.
She sighs. "I have a complicated history with dancing."
"That makes two of us."
"Not the same kind of complicated," she retorts.
He turns his head to face her, finding a thoughtful but perhaps a little troubled expression on her face. He wants to push, wants to tell her not to split hairs, but something tells him not to, so he takes a different approach. "Well, if you want to talk, I'm here," he offers casually.
She turns to eye him appraisingly, as though she's weighing the genuineness of his casual nature. He offers a gentle smile that he hopes she takes as encouraging.
She opens her mouth and he's hopeful that she's going to open up a bit more. "Refill?" she asks instead while holding out her mug, and his hopes are dashed. He obliges her request, pouring her some more before refilling his own mug.
It's quiet for several minutes as their gazes stay fixed on the spreading colours across the sky. His mind wanders to all the times they'd done this when they were alive, and he wonders how often she'd done it after he moved out of the Compound.
"It was a part of my training in the Red Room," Nat says suddenly.
Steve blinks as he works to keep his reaction relaxed and casual. He figured dancing had been a part of her training. He'd heard comments here and there about how good she was from Tony, Maria, and Clint, and he knew that level of skill didn't come without years of training...so it hadn't been a stretch to put two and two together.
"It built muscle and flexibility, not to mention helped with our endurance and overall fitness. But the key thing was obedience."
Her gaze has drifted out over the lake, but Steve's certain she's not actually seeing anything but ghosts of her memories.
"They'd make us do it for hours. The same routines over and over and over again. It helped them weed out the weak ones...the breakable ones."
She sighs heavily. "But even with all of that...I still loved it. Even when my feet were bleeding, toes breaking, and muscles screaming in protest...I still loved it. Looking back now...it was maybe the one thing that kept me sane and let me keep a shred of my humanity."
Steve takes a drink of coffee to mask his anger. He'd seen some terrible things in the war and then many more during his time with the Avengers, yes, but to picture a young Natasha alongside dozens of other girls, fighting against collapsing from exhaustion and pain...that was beyond evil.
"When I got out, I decided that it wasn't going to be something they got to take from me. I decided I was going to use it as a proverbial 'fuck you' to them, because they'd used it with dark intentions and I'd turned it around instead. But as much as it let me escape my thoughts, it always reminded me of my time there too. It was inescapable. But I refused to let them win."
"Stubborn as a mule," Steve offers softly with a proud smile.
She smiles, but he can see the hauntedness in her eyes. "So I changed the music. Instead of the typical classical, I used hip-hop."
"A proverbial 'fuck you'," Steve says in understanding.
"Language," she admonishes. It lacks her usual bite, but he'll take it. "Anyway, it's been awhile since I've danced. Not since before we jumped back in time."
Steve's eyebrows rise. "That long, huh?"
"Yeah," she breathes out. "Haven't been ready."
Steve tips his gaze back to the sun, which is nearly halfway above the horizon now. "These things take time, and I'll never push you to do it," he promises, "but I'd really like to see you dance some day."
She turns her head to face him. "You know, some people would take that as a pickup line."
His cheeks flush with colour and Nat laughs. "You know that's not what I meant," he protests.
"Yeah," she agrees, "but it's fun to watch you squirm all the same."
"I'll have you know I'm a happily married man."
"Yeah, yeah, rub it in why don't you?" she quips.
Her response is clearly flippant, but he wonders about it. He'd found love, so had Clint, and Tony, and Thor. "You ever think about that?" he asks.
She turns to him again. "Marriage?" she confirms. He nods. "No, can't say I ever did."
"Why not?"
"It's not exactly something I was raised to want."
"But after you got out?"
She shrugs as she lets out an exhale. "Wasn't in the cards for me. I was married to the job. Kids weren't ever something I could have, biologically or otherwise. I wasn't bitter about it, just...never considered it a possibility."
He blinks at the tidbit of information she'd shared. She'd alluded to some things the Red Room had done in terms of medical procedures in the past, but never specifics. He takes another drink to mask his anger that they might have done it to her.
"Marriage is more than having kids," he says in what he hopes is a neutral tone.
"I'm not disputing that. But it's hard to have shared life experiences with someone when you've lived the life I did. I never had normal to begin with."
"Didn't you once tell me to make something up when I said the same thing?"
She smiles. "So the old man's memory hasn't failed him yet."
"Nat," he warns.
She breathes in deeply and exhales slowly. "Thanos changed everything. Anything I might've wanted or been able to maybe want one day went out the window."
Steve nods because he gets it. Happiness had disappeared along with half of the universe, and instead they were left to watch their remaining friends struggle to stay afloat. "What about now?"
Her brow furrows. "Now?"
"Lots of people here. Maybe one of them has some shared life experiences with you."
"Are you trying to set me up, Rogers?"
He chuckles. "That'd be justice now wouldn't it?"
She laughs. "I suppose it would be. But I'm content with how things are."
"Okay. Just...don't dismiss the idea, Nat. You deserve to be happy."
"Don't need a relationship to be happy," she counters.
"I'm not saying you do. I'm saying don't dismiss something that might come along just because you've decided you're supposed to lead a life of solitude. You can get close to people now...form attachments."
"Oh, cut it out with the counsellor shit," she says as she points an accusing finger at him.
He grins apologetically. "Force o' habit. Sorry."
"Apology accepted...conditionally."
He barks out a laugh. "Conditionally?"
She smiles. "Well if you bring up that counsellor shit again, I'm revoking it."
"Alright, alright. But can I ask one last thing?"
Her gaze narrows. "I don't guarantee an answer."
"Why are you staying here, Nat?"
She frowns. "At the Compound?" He nods. "It's my home," she answers simply.
"Is it?" he asks and she looks at him in confusion. "It's far too big for one person, and it's just a reminder of your pain."
Her frown deepens but she doesn't say anything.
"I saw how much it was hurting that last time I came by...before Scott showed up. You were...you were broken, Nat. Why keep those memories alive?"
"I had good memories here too, Steve. Time with Sam, Wanda, and Rhodey." She pauses for a moment, her expression contemplative. "It was the first place I felt like I really had a place in the world, the first place where I really had a family."
"What about the Bartons?"
"They were family, yes, but I always knew I was stepping into their family. But the team...I was a part of that from the beginning, even if we were a patchwork of people."
Steve takes a moment to look at her, thinking once again about everything she'd been through in her life. He can't imagine surviving his childhood without the support of his mother or Bucky and the rest of the Barnes family. He can't imagine having no happy childhood memories to fall back on. But somehow she'd survived without any of that.
"And so when we moved into the Compound after Sokovia, even though Thor and Bruce were gone, and Tony wasn't around all that much, it still felt like a home," she finishes.
He smiles and nods, because he gets it. It had felt like a home to him too. But he'd had those memories of his childhood home and growing up with Bucky too. She had nightmares of fighting for her life as a child and being forced to do unspeakable things.
"You can still visit here, Nat. But you don't need to stay here in these memories. You've got a place somewhere out there that's literally perfect for you, because that's how this place works. It's gonna be exactly what you need. You made the Compound a home back then, you can do that here too."
He lets the words sit for a moment before he presses on. "You have more than just this, Nat. You have me, Tony, and Phil, and you have your memories of your life. And those aren't tied to this place alone. I think it's time you take off the shackles of your past that's still haunting you."
She's quiet as his words hang in the air, and then she turns to meet his gaze and she replies softly, "I'm not ready, Steve."
He finds a vulnerability there he hasn't seen often, and knows that she's telling the truth. For as much as she tries to pretend she's accepted her fate and come to terms with everything...there's still a lot that she hasn't unpacked and dealt with yet.
"Okay," he replies with an understanding nod. "But when you are, I'm here for you."
Steve looks up at the house, finding it to be surprisingly historical looking. For some reason he'd always figured her to gravitate to more modern, urban styles.
"So, does it pass muster, Cap?"
He grins as her voice washes over him and turns to find her leaning on a broken fence in the front yard.
"Could use some work."
"Yeah," she agrees, "but it's not like I'm overly busy these days. May as well do something productive."
"You never struck me as the handyman type."
"Well that's because I'm a woman," she retorts, that familiar amused smirk appearing again.
"You're a real pain in the ass sometimes, you know that?"
"Language," she admonishes.
"One time. I say it one time and you all never let me live it down."
"Hard to when it was so ridiculous."
"Nat," he sighs in exasperation, because this is supposed to her day.
"Relax, soldier," she shushes him. "Who do you think helped Clint with his renovations?"
"Laura?"
Nat laughs. "No, she refused. Said if he was going to start them, then he better finish them, and she wasn't going to help him."
"I'm starting to understand how she's managed to put up with Clint as long as she has."
Nat laughs. "They love each other, they really do, but she's always had his number. He can't say no to her."
Steve grins because he knows a thing or two about that. Peggy had always kept him in line and he'd never really been able to say no to her either.
He tips his gaze back up appraisingly over the house again. "You sure this is it?"
"Steve," she exhales.
"Just checkin'," he replies, holding up his hands in innocence. "You ready to take a look inside?"
"You only live once, right?" she quips.
"For the record," he begins as he walks up the stairs to the front door, "that's not funny," he finishes as he shoots an unimpressed look back at her.
"I thought it was hilarious," she offers with an unapologetic grin.
"Shut up and open the door, would ya?"
She grins as she squeezes past him and opens the door. Inside is a mixture of old, historical finishes and some partially finished modern renovations. All the houses he's seen here in the afterlife had been completely finished, exactly to the style of their inhabitants. Nat's is the first that's been unfinished that he's seen.
"Wow," he says. "Bit of a work in progress, huh?"
Nat doesn't answer, but he sees her eyes are wide as she takes in every inch of the space. He can tell right away that she's totally in love with the place, even if it probably doesn't look like much to anyone else. Though he has to admit, the bones of the place look good and he can see some serious potential.
He stays quiet and elects to simply follow her as she explores the house. They move from the entryway into the den that's adjacent to it, and then through to the kitchen at the back. It's missing the counters and appliances, but there's wide windows that let in a ton of light and have a beautiful view of the forest that the house backs onto. From there they go on to see a small bathroom, the laundry room, an office, spare room, and access to the attached garage.
Her hand drifts up the wooden bannister as they head upstairs, and she seems totally entranced. They see a few rooms on the second floor, including the master bedroom and ensuite which includes a deep soaker tub that makes her smile widen considerably, before they make their way back downstairs and head back to the kitchen.
"So?" Steve prompts, unable to stay quiet any longer.
A smile curls on her lips. "I love it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she confirms with a nod.
"Gonna be a lot of work."
"I don't mind."
"Well, I can help if you want."
She smiles again. "I might just take you up on that."
"Hello?" They both turn at the sound of a new voice from the front door. "Anyone? Jeez, this place is a dump."
"Back here, Tony," Nat calls.
He appears in the kitchen a moment later. "Hey, Red, Cap," he says with a nod to each. "Mind telling me what exactly this place is?"
"It's my house," Nat answers, her gaze drifting around the room again.
"Uh, your house?" Tony echoes as his own gaze scans the room. "You didn't want something a little more...I don't know... finished maybe? I didn't even know houses here could be unfinished."
"I like it."
"Well, okay, but it's, uh, a bit...rustic, shall we say."
"I'm gonna finish it."
Tony slides his gaze over to meet Steve's and he raises his eyebrows before he shifts his gaze back to her. " You're gonna finish it?"
"Yeah," she answers distractedly, eyes roaming over the space.
"Don't take offense to this, Nat, but do you even know how to do any of this?"
She shrugs. "I helped Clint with his renovations. And anything else I can learn."
"Right...but that's gonna take ages."
"Not like I have anywhere else to be or anything else to do."
"O...kay," he says slowly. "Cap, you good with this?"
Steve nods. "It's her home," he offers in explanation.
Tony, to his credit, seems to understand the meaning in his short answer. Just like she'd built her own family when she was alive, she was going to build her home here too.
Tony blows out a breath and then begins walking around the kitchen, scrutinizing the exposed studs and unfinished construction. "Well, I suppose with everything open like this it gives you a lot of freedom to run wires as needed. Could get you set up with an AI if you want. No?" he says when he notices her shaking her head. "Alright, well, at least some displays and speakers. And a bitchin' tv and sound system in the den. Don't worry, Tony will hook you up."
Steve grimaces. "And does Tony always talk himself in the-"
"Huh? Sorry, can't hear you, old man. Planning here," he dismisses as he pulls out his phone and begins scanning the room, making notes here and there before he heads back toward the den.
Steve looks back over at Nat and finds her with such a happy expression on her face that he can't but smile himself. "This is gonna work, Nat," he says.
She turns to face him. "Yeah, I think it is."
"Some nice appliances, good counters, maybe an island here… It's a nice space."
"I could cook again," she murmurs.
"Hang on, what do you mean cook again ? I've never seen you cook. You basically lived off of peanut butter sandwiches after-"
"Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly motivated to put the effort in to cook then. But I'll have you know that I know my way around a kitchen."
"I swear you just like to continually surprise me."
Before she can respond they hear Tony yell from the front room. "Hey, what're you thinking for in here? Tv? No tv?"
Steve shares another grin with her.
"Hey, c'mon people, I'm not doing this all by myself!"
"Relax, no need to get all worked up, Shell-Head," Nat returns as she starts to head back towards the front room to join him.
Steve grabs her arm when she passes by him. "I'm happy for you, Nat," he says as he wraps an arm around her shoulders and then begins to walk with her. "You deserve this."
"Honestly, Nat. It's like you don't even care," Tony pipes up. "You may as well just let me have fre-"
"No, you do not get free rein over my house," she says as they arrive in the room to find Tony halfway into a hole in a wall.
"Well, then give me some input! What are you thinking!?" he replies as he pops out of the hole, dust covering his hair.
"I'm thinking it was a mistake to invite you here."
"Hey, be nice to your electrician."
"You're not an electrician."
He waves it off. "I know enough. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? I electrocute myself and die?"
Steve drops his face into one of his hands. "What is with you two and dark humour?"
Tony ignores him. "You thinking screen or projector? I've got some interesting prototypes for projectors back at my place that could be modified to work here."
"Isn't the light in here going to compromise the brightness from the projector?" Nat volleys back, and Steve is surprised, not for the first time in his life, at just how much she seems to know.
"No, no, see that's the beauty of the projectors I have at home…"
Steve tunes out the rest of Tony's explanation in favour of watching the two of them. He can't help but smile to see them happy and their eyes alight. They'd both given up so much, but here, as they banter back and forth in the place espoused for eternal rest, he feels hopeful that they might find some peace after all.
this one came together pretty quickly - quicker than usual, in fact. I just love writing the friendship between these two.
hope everyone is staying safe in these uncertain times.
as always, let me know any thoughts or feedback, and if you have suggestions for future characters to feature.