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Harry Potter: Thinking like a Thief.
Harry didn't need to wait too long for the representatives of the ICW investigation team to arrive at Hogwarts, according to his watch he had been waiting only 10 minutes after Dobby had taken the evidence from him to the Ministry but in the meantime, he was left wondering about what-ifs. He had been wondering for a while if he had been doing the right thing by leaving everything until the last moment before Umbridge even forced the issue, but all he could say was he had been conducting his own private investigations when he realised what Umbridge really was.
The door of the DADA office burst open, admitting a stream of witches and wizards - he recognised Amelia Bones, the head of the DMLE and Fudge, of course, although why the blustering idiot was here, Harry didn't know, and he recognised Oliver Isolde, the lead investigator for the ICW, he didn't know the others. There were a couple of aurors, but that was it from the ICW and the Ministry of Magic. Dumbledore and McGonagall's presence in the office wasn't much of a shock to his system, either because the elderly wizard was the Headmaster while McGonagall was his head of House, although that was debatable.
Isolde grimaced as he looked around the office and took in the tacky decor before he glanced down at Umbridge and then back up at Harry. He was about to open his mouth, and he was about to offer his memory of the attack to them when someone else spoke up.
"You've attacked my senior undersecretary. I will have you imprisoned for this, Potter!" Fudge shouted, but his eyes were glinting with triumph.
Harry closed his eyes. It was typical. Fudge had just walked in, seen the small tip of the evidence, and he believed that was the end of it. Case closed. It had never occurred to him there might be more going on, but Fudge shoving people into Azkaban was a running theme. But what was laughable was Fudge had forgotten the people who'd come with him, including two people who did not fall under his jurisdiction.
"You will do no such thing, Fudge," Isolde's voice barely hid the contempt the American wizard felt for the arrogant and corrupt Minister, "you only came because one of your agents within the DMLE caught wind of Mr Potter's name and you decided to come with us without knowing the full story."
"What story can there be?" Fudge blustered while he gazed at the American wizard with frightened irritation; it was clear Fudge was terrified of the ICW investigator but there was little he could do about it.
Isolde was not the only person irritated by the Minister's blustering. "We received word Madam Umbridge was torturing the students. That a Ministry employee that you have a special relationship with is here in Hogwarts is being accused of such things is more important to us than a young wizard your country has made famous without considering other logical courses of action."
The look on Fudge's face was on of confusion. It suited the Minister too well for Harry's tastes. "T-torture? No, I can't believe that. It's more than likely this boy, who is a known trouble maker is only lying for more attention."
"It seems Mr Potter was prepared for that kind of response, Cornelius," another person who'd been standing out of sight of Harry, which impressed him since he liked being more aware of his surroundings than others. This new person was a witch who was clearly Japanese, and she was looking between Fudge and Umbridge with contempt. "He took photographs of different students' hands who'd been cut open with a Blood Quill."
"What?" McGonagall gasped, turning to Dumbledore in shock.
"Yes, how come you didn't pick up on the use of the Blood Quill? Anything that harms the students should be picked up on by the ward scheme of the school?" Isolde demanded, his tone making it clear he was not expecting a straight answer but he wanted one regardless. The question made Harry stand to attention. He knew enough of the wards thanks to his studies in the castle as he had tried to find ways of getting in and getting back out again, back in his second year when everyone had turned on him. One of the things Harry had discovered about the wards was the Headmaster or Headmistress was in control of them, and he knew whenever a student was being harmed by dark artefacts. Unfortunately at the time, Harry had lost any kind of faith Dumbledore would take his duties as a Headmaster seriously when he'd just allowed all of the students to be petrified by the basilisk and did nothing about the attacks. But it would be fascinating for Dumbledore to answer the question Isolde had just given him.
Dumbledore was thankful for his occlumency barriers because they gave him the chance to control his inner feelings. In truth, he had known about the Blood Quill, but he couldn't outwardly admit to the investigators he'd let the students get tortured. It would cause even more grief than he needed. He had wanted the students to gain a stronger perspective on life, after all, as the saying went; what can't kill you only makes you stronger. And besides as long as Umbridge didn't stray across the line, then he wouldn't intervene, but he had told his teachers there was nothing that he could do since Fudge would cause problems.
After all, Dumbledore could hardly claim he had been privately hoping to gather material to get the fool voted out of office, now could he? Fudge was a liability, but if he had protested before he was ready or before Voldemort returned, then there would be problems that Dumbledore could ill afford to cope with such as being kicked out of the school. But this might work to his advantage.
"I didn't know about the Blood Quill, however, the teachers have been hearing rumours of her activities. However, we were certain Cornelius would cause problems, or even find a way to ensure it never got to you," Dumbledore replied after only a few seconds of considering what he needed to say.
Harry lifted a brow. It was moments like this that he was convinced Dumbledore had been a Slytherin rather than a Gryffindor, as was very often claimed by his fans. That reply, diverting the blame in such a calm and yet helpful way, was the reply of a consummate politician. And a Slytherin. He also didn't ignore the fact Dumbledore refused to say a word about the wards, and judging from the looks he was getting, the old headmaster's careful reply was noted by others.
Fudge jumped in shock. "What?" It was likely all he could say for the time being.
Unfortunately, the Japanese witch didn't seem to buy the response. "I'm not entirely sure about that, Dumbledore. From what I gather of this school, and indeed several other magical conclaves, the ward schemes are more ingenious than those of a mundane family home."
"We'll look into that later," Isolde broke in although the look he sent the aged Headmaster made it clear he wasn't convinced, but he and his colleagues would touch upon that later. "Right now, let's see what crimes Madam Umbridge has committed."
"Now see here, Madam Umbridge is a trusted employee of mine, and-!" Fudge blustered, but Isolde's glare stopped him in his tracks. The American wizard stepped very close to the smaller blustering idiot, intruding in his personal space. Isolde was tall, well built and his height and build intimidated the smaller wizard enough to shut him up.
Isolde's voice was so cold it might have come from Antarctica. "Your employee, no correction trusted employee, has been accused of torturing students with a Blood Quill. She was sent to this castle, by you, and you are already in more trouble than you imagine, especially since your constant cuts of the DMLE endangered our world."
Fudge reared back. "You-Know-Who was defeated! There was no need for a strong Auror force in the aftermath. We're in peace!"
Harry heard Madam Bones' growl, but Isolde was already shouting in the idiots' face. "I'm not talking about dark wizards, you simpleton! You and those fucking Death Eaters, who've been proven to be working on destabilising your precious Ministry! I'm talking about the same violations of the Statute of Secrecy like the one which got you in trouble with the ICW in the first place, did you not think of that? Do you know what the No-Maj's will do to us if they discover magic exists?"
Good point. But sadly Fudge was unlikely to see that, and he wondered just what the idiot had been learning from the ICW a moment later.
"What can muggles do to us? We have wands and we're safe behind wards!" Fudge blustered.
The Japanese witch gaped at Fudge in disbelief before turning to her colleague. "I think we need to really start interfering in Ministerial elections, Oliver. I've got visions suddenly of beyond ignorant and stupid idiots like this one coming to power and dooming us all," she groaned and rubbed her face before she sent a withering look at Fudge. "You people just don't get it, do you? If muggles get it in their heads we exist and if they discover evidence of our existence, they will tear the world apart to get to us. In my country, we are closer to muggles than the Americans are because of the enlightened plan to simply take muggle-borns away from their parents because magic was nearly purged but my community realised if we hid ourselves deep underground they would likely become victims of Dark Lords. Do you know why the DMLE is important? No, don't answer. I'm being rhetorical.
"One of the DMLE's jobs is to catch dark wizards, that's true, something you seem to have forgotten in your personal quest to be an imbecile. Its primary job is to defend the Statute of Secrecy. Aurors are meant to ensure no muggle knows of our world, and if the Auror force is depleted then we are vulnerable. Suppose a muggle who hates magic ventures down in Diagon Alley with a sibling or a cousin who's been invited into Hogwarts and spreads the word? They can do that, Fudge. Most muggles aren't the stupid simpletons you and people like you believe. Some of them could take proof, like a book, an artefact muggle science cannot explain, and when they discover magic that way, that could mean our end. Let's get on with it, Oliver and we'll deal with this idiot in a moment."
Harry had to admire the style of the ICW investigators, but he was looking at the Japanese witch who was still unknown to him but he wasn't going to ask her her name with interest. He hadn't known muggle-borns of Japan were taken from their families, but he was trying to mentally understand what it meant.
In the meantime, Isolde took out his wand and with a sharp wave he woke Umbridge up. The witch looked around. She perked up when she saw Fudge.
"Cornelius!" She shrieked. "You were right about Potter, the brat attacked me. It was unprovoked."
"No, it wasn't," the Japanese witch had her arms folded as she glared down at Umbridge. "Mr Potter submitted the memory of what you did. You attacked him first while you were making sure he cut his hand open with a Blood Quill, and if it were up to me you would be thrown into a cell right now."
Umbridge's contempt for muggle-borns and werewolves was just as matched by her bigotry of anyone who wasn't white or British. She somehow managed to turn her nose upwards when she saw the woman. "I'm sorry, dear, but I didn't ask for your opinion."
Even Fudge cringed at the inevitable.
Isolde stepped forwards, his expression grim. The moment her eyes fell on Isolde, Umbridge looked like she wished the ground would swallow her up. "Are you deliberately going out of your way to make things worse for yourself? Racism is beneath a witch or wizard, and since Megumi here is a witch of great renown in the Japanese magical government as well as Magical Asia's Co-Prosperity Sphere; offending her is truly not a good move, especially if you want them to become in charge of your imprisonment. Do not depend on Fudge for protection, because he can't."
Co-Prosperity sphere?
Harry was sure he had heard of something like that before…he closed his eyes for a moment, using his occlumency to help him find the memory. He remembered how he had read in a book that the Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere had been a concept dreamt up by the Japanese in 1938 to liberate Asian countries from European influences while gaining access to resources so Japan maintained its place as a modern power. It was essentially a unified Asia that survived during the Second World War, but it fell apart with the surrender of Japan in 1945 after Hiroshima was destroyed but something told him the magical version had been around for decades, if not centuries.
In the meantime, Isolde, proving that he really didn't want to waste time, flicked his wand silently at Umbridge while he held out a bottle for his coworker. "Megumi, if you wouldn't mind? Let's get this over and done with."
"Er, before we do that," Harry interrupted, "do you mind if I hand over my memory of what happened?"
He was hoping that if he could, he could then sneak out when they didn't realise it.
"Very well, Mr Potter," Isolde replied.
While Harry was passing his memory over to the American wizard, the Japanese member of the ICW investigation team was taking off the stopper of the bottle of veritaserum while Amelia Bones watched, but Harry could see she was resisting the urge to jump up and down with delight. Clearly, she'd hoped to get something on Umbridge for a long time.
"I say, you have no right using that potion on her, she-," Fudge's protest died quickly while Megumi poured three drops of the truth potion down Umbridge's throat when Isolde glared at him.
"We are ICW investigators. Right now your undersecretary, a job which should not even exist, has been accused of harming underaged witches and wizards at your main magical school. You have no right to interfere, and to be honest, you are giving us more than enough evidence to get you sent down for life without parole. Do not try our patience again."
"She's ready," Megumi informed her coworker while Umbridge stared vacantly into the distance.
The questioning lasted for about half an hour. The ICW had based a lot of their strategy on what they'd gathered from Harry and from what Dumbledore had told them only a moment before about being worried about what Fudge would do, and they worked it around like that. Umbridge told them everything from her prostitute ring of muggle-borns, especially underaged ones, how she drowned werewolves and had them killed even if they hadn't done anything wrong. Under the questions of the ICW investigators, Umbridge spilt the beans on many of her clandestine activities.
When they asked her about her activities in Hogwarts, that was where the true horror came into being. Umbridge described how Fudge had told her to find some way to get Harry Potter, but she wasn't told by him to use the Blood Quill.
No, she came up with that idea herself.
It seemed Umbridge had her own sick fetishes, and seeing children bleed or just suffer was one of them. Harry took a long good look at the ICW investigators and Fudge. The investigators were murderous while Fudge was horrified and gazing down at the woman who wouldn't stop talking.
In the end, Harry was free to leave the room, and he was grateful for it. Fudge, too caught up in what was happening, didn't even notice.
X
The news Umbridge had been arrested by the ICW made it perfectly easy for Harry to find a way of sneaking out of the castle grounds while he planned for his next burglaries.
The whole school was overjoyed the toad was gone, but it outweighed the issue of a new DADA teacher. Umbridge had done a lot of damage to the class. Not only had she polluted the minds of first years with that stupid book, continuing the stupid self-destructive cycle of the British magical world where they felt running and hiding from their troubles was the best way to go.
Harry wasn't surprised Umbridge was going to be put on trial, but he didn't know if they would make it a closed or open session. He hoped they did. He hoped Fudge's mess was revealed and exposed, giving the Minister no way of getting out. Harry had no idea if Dumbledore would go and try to recruit somebody, but since he hadn't stuck around for the end of the interrogation of Umbridge, he didn't know if the ICW had reached an agreement Dumbledore would work with and tolerate. He didn't care. He was already one of many students in the castle working on self-study. It was probably wiser for him to keep doing that.
For over a week, Harry burgled the Death Eaters' houses at random focusing mostly on books, money and family heirlooms while he checked out the amount of treasure he was getting while he checked the list of Death Eaters still on the list. He had pretty much gotten them all, but what he wanted to do the most was to find a horcrux and reveal it to the ICW, so they could deal with Voldemort.
Harry stifled a scream of anger as he realised that he didn't even know how to find a horcrux. He checked the time on his watch. It was 7.30. It was almost time for dinner.
"Dobby," he called.
The house-elf appeared. "Take me back to Hogwarts please, Dobby. I've got a lot to do," Harry ordered and he barely heard the house elf's reply while he made up his mind on his plan for tonight. Tonight he would eat, drink, make merry…and then he would head for the Room of Requirement and research ways of finding horcruxes and then destroying them.
You task me, Lord Voldemort. I'll keep finding out how to deal with your soul pieces if it kills me. You won't get in the way of me becoming a thief. I'll chase your horcruxes round Good Hope, and around the Horn, and round the Norway maelstrom, and around perdition's flames before I give them and you up, Harry thought to himself as the house-elf popped him back to Hogwarts. The school didn't even know he'd been gone.
Author's note - I hope you've enjoyed this, and the Moby Dick reference.