Article 18 - Chapter 15 - Complexity of the Heart

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Warnings: I do not own Naruto, it's intellectual property is owned by none other than Masashi Kishimoto. I own the OC's that I've added to the story and nothing more.

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Ayasha was dancing around the house happily by the time I found myself downstairs. It was apparent that the news of my animal abuse hadn't made its way back to her yet… I could only imagine her cheerful mood being erased thanks to myself. That's the opposite of what I wanted, I was a terrible person.

"Morning Mina-chan! Would you like something to eat? I'll make anything you want so just say the words!"

I felt guilt rise like bile in the back of my throat… I couldn't possibly ask that of her.

"Ayasha-san… I want to have your favorite dish, with all ingredients included."

I spotted the surprise in her eye but her grin only got wider. She curiously cocked her head sideways causing her hair to slide past her eyes over to the other side.

"My taste is starting to grow on you huh? I knew it!" She said punching a fist into the air.

Ayasha was one of those people that were normally cheerful, but she usually didn't telegraph it so clearly. I wonder why she was in such high spirits.

When I noticed - A new band adorned her ring finger. I found myself gasp loudly unable to hold it back and she spun back around prancing up to me.

She stuck out her chest and held out her hand proudly showing off her new accessory. It was a gold band etched with ornamental silver. A pang of warmth swept over me like a wave from the ocean in the dead of summer. It looks like the guy had finally grown some balls.

There would be someone else who could shower her in the affection she deserved.

"Con-Congratulations! - It's about time." I exclaimed.

She kept flashing me the same cheeky smile before she finally spoke up again. "Heh!"

She stared into my face for a moment before dropping to a knee. She tried to adopt a neutral expression but her grin was still slipping through. "Soooo, what do you think of Tokuma-san? Hmmm, hmmm?"

She traced a finger down my chest until attacking me with tickles. I couldn't prevent myself from laughing and it was starting to piss me off. I slapped her hand away quickly taking a step back to catch my breath.

"I like him. I feel like he has excellent character."

It was odd hearing those words coming out of my mouth. What gives me the ability to judge anyone's character?

A girlish giggle escaped from the woman before me. "That reminds me of something my father would have said. Sometimes I feel like you're more him than you have any right to be, a lady of your age."

"Perhaps I'm just an old soul." It came out more like a joke, but it had more truth than most of the things I found myself saying lately.

She laughed before returning to her place in the kitchen preparing our meal. I could see the dedication going into the food. She was pulling out all the stops, going all out.

When she finished, we sat down and I split the omlette to find that it had been loaded with ramen and an assortment of additives. She was always an odd one.

After the meal, I quickly scrambled to grab my belongings to head out for training. I flung the door open, but before I could dart outside I heard her energetic voice call out from behind me. "I LOOOOVE YOU!"

I turned around to see her arms extended expecting a hug and I gave her a half grin and waved bye. "Cya later!" I spit out before slipping out the door.

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I walked into class early, to my surprise to find a sparse few students already in their seats. I eyed a certain studious Uchiha boy engrossed in the text sprawled out before him. I made my way over to his desk nonchalantly, and leaned over him - A palm on the desk.

He casually looked up, not changing his blank expression. "Hn?"

"What your just going to oogle me from the other side of the room and never talk to me?"

Less is more here. I need him to start talking.

His ears flushed pink and it started spreading to his cheeks before he let out a small cough, fighting it back.

"You are mistaken, I am only letting you know I'm aiming for your spot of first in class."

The way he managed to remain blank as he said the whole thing let me know I was going to need to strike a little harder.

"Pshhht, You've got that whole aloof thing down don't you? I bet that works wonders on your fangirls… But that's not the way to my heart."

His mouth dropped open slightly and hung for a moment. "Wha- What are you talking about, that was not even close to my intention."

He talks pretty well for being 7 or 8 as a non-Hyuga. The Uchiha breed superiority I suppose. Guess that means speech too which of course isn't surprising.

I swung my legs over the desk and plopped down into the chair beside him. "So you only want to be number one and nothing else? How vein." I said attempting to put on my mask of boredom.

"W-well I…" He stammered confused before it seemed like something clicked inside of him. "We are of rival clans, what did you expect?"

Hmm… I mulled over that while evaluating his expression. I'd never seen the Uchiha look as unnerved from my stare before.

"So what? Your family picks your friends?"

"-No, certainly I don't have to spell out… that the Uchiha and Hyuga don't get along. It's a recipe for disaster even if - I want it."

"Heh, so you can be honest sometime's, can't you now?"

"Hn."

I waited a moment before finally giving him what he wanted. "Fine, we can be friends. It will be a fine challenge, and besides, now that you chased me up to this class we're likely to land on the same team."

A quick grin flashed on his face before killing it and staring back to me with the classic Uchiha deadpanned expression.

"I suppose joint training would be educational - If we are allowed."

"There you go again, Don't you know it's easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission?" I asked.

"... You are not at all how I expected." he huffed.

"-If you say it like that, it almost sounds like you think that's a bad thing." I said moving my hands to hips still seated. I made a pouting face hoping to get some kind of reaction.

"I can already see you getting me into trouble… but I suppose that would be an acceptable price."

"So you do have a mushy side under that aloof mask of yours." I grinned.

"Hn."

I ended up sitting next to Sasuke, and when Neji arrived he shot me a betrayed look. I cheekily grinned at him as he made his way to the back where we usually sit. The lesson started so I cracked open the textbook I had borrowed from the hospital library.

"What are you reading?" the Uchiha asked curiously.

I stuck a hand in the book and closed it, showing the cover.

The Human Body: The Circulatory System

He looked questionably at me, to which I responded confidently with: "It's Interesting Stuff."

"You're definitely not at all how I expected." He repeated.

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"Why are you... arg-running with... me again?" Lee panted out.

My fitness was vastly superior to his at this time, which actually peeved him a bit. He tried to speed up sometimes even when I knew he was tired, I guess it was just one of those pride things.

"How can I let - my rival outwork me?" I let out. grinning.

He seemed to practically shine at my words. Sweat was pouring down his neck as he started trying to increase the pace again. "You see me as a rival? -You mean it? -Really?"

"Of-course. These other idiots might not - recognize your hard work, but your…" my face was already flushed thanks to running but I felt it get even hotter before I finished with "Actually pretty inspiring Lee. You make me want to work hard too."

Even grunting and as dead as he looked from the run, he flashed me a smile and gave me a thumbs up again. "I will now not only be a splendid ninja, but a splendid rival as well!"

I was managing to barely break my breathing technique, only huffing for air occasionally when my long breaths through my nose couldn't suck in enough air. Lunch was coming to an end and I knew we were going to have to come inside soon, but a teacher ran over to us in a hurry.

"Hyuga-san, Can you please come with me?" He asked.

Well this was certainly out of the ordinary. I nodded and followed behind him as he power walked back inside and to the front office. Hiashi's 2nd hand man was standing impatiently tapping his foot, he didn't seem happy at all.

"Here she is."

"What's going on?" I asked. He avoided looking me in my eyes and instead silently held out a hand. Things were just getting more and more confusing…

I took his hand against my better judgement, letting him lead me down streets through the village until arriving back to the compound. There was a group huddled at the gate, and they remained hushed as we passed by, giving me looks of pity.

Ha, seems like they understand the insufferable nature of the man pulling me along.

We finally arrived at the main families coordination hall, and he pulled me inside.

"Can you tell me anything or are you just gonna keep pulling me along?"

He wouldn't meet my gaze and grunted before pulling the door to the audience chamber and several of the clan were inside. As the door opened I saw several with unhappy or angered expressions… and my heart dropped.

A familiar silhouette leaned against the wall, slumped in tears.

A wood box was placed on top of a table…

Boo'd Up - Boo'd Up.

My hand was released… and I looked uncertainly around the room. The familiar man in tears was Tokuma-san.

Noo… no, no… no.

Boo'd Up - Boo'd Up - Boo'd Up

I ran part way over to the box… my pace slowing as I neared. I was afraid to look inside. The last few feet were the hardest… I had to inch over to look in the box.

"It...can't be." I thought.

It was. The woman who lovingly called herself my mother. Her complexion paled and hair erratic.

My strings were cut. I fell to my knees. No! How could this have happened? Why her… why couldn't it be anyone else?

I couldn't control myself… My whole body shivered. Snot ran out my nose, and the familiar blight filled my eyes refracting the clear image. Dropplets spilled to the floor as I gasped through my emotion.

I was stupid. An Idiot. To think that walling her off would protect her - or anyone. Instead I only lost the opportunity to make precious memories with her… Stupid, stupid!

I was making a scene which was all the more upsetting. I pulled myself to my feet and fought my way to the exit with my vision distorted. I pulled my sleeves and buried my face in it so no one would see my unsightly breakdown.

I had underestimated the value behind a single life.

I ran, and ran, and when I was sufficiently far enough I just kept running. As soon as I stopped I knew reality would catch up to me, which was the last thing I wanted. I wanted escape. I was to weak to face anything. Why had I thought I could manage all alone?

I'm losing everyone one by one. I'm back to completely alone... I'm so alone. This is what I was trying to write up by design. To be separate, to not belong…

My heart felt like it was being squeezed by an invisible hand. I started coughing erratically and I couldn't hold up running anymore. I fell back to the ground beating my fists against it ferociously.

WHY!? I HADN'T EVEN TOLD HER I LOVED HER BEFORE I LEFT… It-It wouldn't have even been a lie… damnit...

My tunnel vision and single minded pursuit had caused so many sacrifices that… well I knew I was making them I guess… but I didn't realize… damnit! DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT!.

Now that she's not here… even the air doesn't taste the same… Everything was coming apart. I stuck myself together so carefully and now - Everything was slowly unraveling.

I was incomplete. I deserve to be incomplete, I am a monster after all… but it hurts, I don't think I can do it anymore…

"I won't let anything happen to you..." her words replayed through my mind.

"Too busy worrying about me to worry about yourself!" I shrieked out, still sobbing

-Why had I been so upset when she said that... I should have appreciated her… while I had her...

I felt dead inside... I didn't want... I didn't want to manipulate, I didn't want to train, I had skipped lunch, but I didn't want to eat… I wasn't hungry. I hungered for nothing… If I wanted for anything - I just wanted her back.

She was better than I deserved…

"Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely."

I thought of the only person a monster like me could be friends with…

"Shadow Clone Jutsu." I cried weakly.

A clone appeared beside me also on the ground. I flipped over onto my back.

"Strangle me… Choke me until you vanish." I demanded.

It looked just as broken as me… tears streaming from its eyes… reaching both arms out to me as it scooted closer. The clone's hands reached my neck and squeezed. My airway was clamped shut and the blood pounded in the side of my head.

My arms unconsciously flailed about and hands grasped onto what I could only assume was the wrists of the clone.

"Kerp-urg-ha-" I struggled.

The light was fading. I was retreating back into the void I came from. It welcomed me back like I had never left.

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It was warm… My whole body felt like it was being drowned in the summer sun. I was safe and secure. I cracked my eye open and I noticed the warm body I was curled up beside. I was wrapped in blankets and I didn't want to move at all. The figure noticed my waking and it affectionately wrapped its arms around me.

"I love you Ayasha… I love you! Ya' know?"

I squeezed her back… but she burst to dust before my eyes.

Horrified, I leapt to my feet. Clouds rolled past the sun causing the room to darken.

"mh-Ma-MOSTERRRR!" a young voice screamed and echoed through the house.

A young boy I recognized stumbled down the stairs naked, his chest sliced open but taped shut.

He fell to the ground and burst to dust…

The door opened behind me, I turned swiftly to see… the hair as black as midnight… the whitewashed eyes… my birth mother. She had a large gash across her throat that had scabbed over. Both hands folded behind her back.

She took feint steps forward, eye's locked with my own.

"I- I wanted to be able to love you… but I couldn't"

She took her hands out from behind her… holding a puppy by the throat. She released the neck and it dropped through the air. She took a stance like she planned to punt the damn thing and as her foot made contact both poofed into dust.

A child crawled out from the blanket I had been wrapped in with their eyes wide in horror. They began crying an ran for the door.

"Wait!" I screamed. "Wai-"

And everything around me crumbled to dust. The only thing that was left, was the dust falling downwards through the black void. The black void that had once been my home.

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I nodded back awake in the arms of an anbu member carrying me princess style in the lobby of the hospital. I struggled trying to free myself from his grasp but it was far too firm. "Put me down." I rasped.

My throat was tight and sore.

I flailed my legs and gave him a look that said "I'm not afraid to make a scene."

"I'm fine, put me down this instant!" I barked.

The head shifted towards me. "I believe you are too great of a danger to yourself at the moment."

If he could say something like that than he must have saw the whole thing. This is probably the spy that's been stuck on me for over a year. The bastard.

"You're the dog that follows me! - Bad dog, let me go!" I said slapping his mask.

My eyes started leaking tears again and I wanted anything to be here - to be the spectacle of everyone here.

-And to add to my problems, the dog saw my shadow clones before I could get a good use of them… Why am I even thinking about that…

I was taken to a room and my hands were restrained apart to a bed. The anbu sat silently beside me for a long while without saying anything. I didn't want to talk and used the opportunity to reflect.

I recalled the dream that I had had… I was dead inside, as black as the void that had once contained me.

"You deserve nothing." I heard in my head.

Being-X's favorite quote he seemed to love reminding me… You know, now… He doesn't seem wrong…

As if thinking that was a trigger, the door swung open. A blond haired ninja walked in closing the door behind him. His hair was long, pulled back into a ponytail.

The anbu at my side sat more alert and acknowledged our visitor.

"Yamanaka-san." he said.

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Authors Notes: Zemptai-sama again, This is actually not how I envisioned this chapter shaping up at all. Part way through it seemed to take on a life of its own. I had this whole scene planned out with Neji I wanted to write, but I never got to it because of the chain of events. To writing where the characters take us...

Let me know how I'm doing, your predictions for the future, any plot holes you may think you see, and I'll gladly message you back addressing them. Thanks so much for sticking with my story this far! It means a lot to me. SERIOUSLY! I appreciate every reader and expect a much more smooth, polished story when I finally get to revisions!

Enjoy the story and I earnestly ask anyone who is willing to, to write me a review. I will cherish each and every one of them and respond as best as I can. I write so I can share with you guys, and it warms my heart to hear your opinions and interact with the readers.

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**SPECIAL THANKS to the great people below who left me a review, It means a lot!**

-pigs103 - Sorry to hear that. Mina's perspective does begin to shift over time, but she can never truly escape from the terrible thing's she's both done in the past, and a few things that are still yet to come. I have to have her sink to the depths of despair before she can search for the road of redemption.

-Roberto Pelotudo - Sorry that you think the MC is selectively choosing to be as cruel and idiotic as possible, personally, I believe her plans to be erratic and desperate, but you don't know all of her plans or knowledge, so your missing crucial information to make your deduction. Hope you stick around long enough to make a more informed judgement :)

-Irina Akashira - Thanks for sticking around, Means a lot to still have your support. I've been thinking about some of the things you've said to try to see if I felt I could improve anything in the story. -And as far as the miracle 'Being-X' references... yes it is a power, however I can neither confirm or deny what it will be yet :) -stay tuned.

-Killua Meatrider - Thanks for sticking around since nearly the beginning too. Certainly if the clan's children made their own bingo book, that would be her Monikor lel.