My goodness, I'm back. Apologies in abundance, as ever.
Here's the next chapter, good people. I've missed you all and being here. It feels really good to have a little something for you, finally.
As ever, hope you enjoy, Lexie :)
…
"That witch Lindsey was here." Sawyer offers by way of an explanation, arms folded tightly over her chest and her scowl rivalling that of her Mom back in high school.
Logan wrinkles his nose from within Quinn's headlock, "Who's Lindsey?"
"No one. She's no one." Elliot answers before anyone else can say a word.
The cafe is still following Elliot's blunt words until the sudden blaring of the kitchen smoke alarm cuts through the atmosphere. It sends Haley flying out back to silence the noise and rescue what she can of what was cooking. With her action, everyone else seems to find movement in their limbs again too and they shuffle away from the door, more or less towards the booths that are usually kept reserved for their breakfasts.
As the rest of the group move away, four Scotts hang back. Peyton hugs an arm around Elliot and leans in to whisper into his ear, "I'm so, so sorry, Honey."
"We can leave." Lucas suggests from Elliot's other side, "If you'd prefer."
"Why should we leave?" Sawyer interjects, hands on hips. "Elliot just threw her out and I don't want to go back home."
Peyton whips her gaze over to her daughter, "Why don't you want to go home?"
Sawyer shrugs, suddenly interested in her nails.
Elliot shakes his head, "Let's stay and eat. I'm starved anyway."
Neither Lucas nor Peyton look particularly convinced by Elliot's show of assurance but with a shared glance they agree that it probably won't help by rushing home either.
"Okay." Lucas nods and pats Elliot on the shoulder before moving past him, towards the kitchen.
Peyton frowns after him and then her lips set, realising he's probably going to give Haley a hard time about Lindsey being in the cafe. She would go after him, ordinarily, but the kids need at least one of them sticking around to show that seeing Lindsey hasn't shaken them.
"I'm going to the roof." Sawyer announces, her voice laced with thin annoyance.
"Sawyer." Peyton calls after her, her voice sharp. "Don't push us out, you know we'll elbow our way back in."
Something like a smile finds its way to Sawyer's lips, "Yeah, I know you will." She turns on her heel and looks back over her shoulder, "But I'm still going up to the roof. Call me when breakfast is ready, you know my order."
Peyton sighs largely but lets Sawyer go. She doesn't want to smother either of the kids and knows that they're growing up and a hug from their Mom isn't always how they want to deal with things anymore. It still makes her sad though.
"I'll get her." Elliot says from her side, his voice rough with the raw emotion he's pushing back.
"What?" Peyton's jaw slacks.
Elliot is somehow calm which she marvels at slightly as he speaks, "Ma, please, I got this."
His eyes lock on hers and she can see the pleading in his eyes, as though he wants the distraction. She nods finally, "Okay. But I am right here if you need me."
"I know." Elliot squeezes her arm gently as he passes.
She watches him until he disappears up the stairs to the rooftop and then feels a shake creeping up to her knees. Luckily Brooke is there in a flash to pull her into a tight hug and all but hold her up.
"Come on." Brooke instructs, taking her best friend by the hand and pulling her forcefully towards the restroom.
…
Lucas stands propped in the doorway to the kitchen, his arms folded and his scowl heavy. Haley glances up briefly at his intrusion, as she juggles three jobs at once, her cheeks warming at the mere sight of him.
She throws a towel over her shoulder and sighs towards her best friend, "Lucas, can we talk about this some other time when my business isn't about to burn to the ground?"
In answer he just rolls up his shirt sleeves and moves the steaming pan into the sink. "There. Now tell me what the hell she was doing here."
"I didn't invite her, if that's what you mean." Haley exhales deeply and pinches her thumb and finger to the bridge of her nose, "She walked in off the street, it's what people do, Lucas. I would never have let her be here knowing that Elliot would likely come in with you guys this morning."
"But she was here." Lucas clenches his fist and holds it in front of his mouth, "And I can't understand why she wasn't thrown out as soon as her foot hit the welcome mat."
Haley sucks in her cheeks as though trying to bite back what she wants to say as she starts another hot pan on the hob. "Lucas, you know that I would do anything for that boy."
"She had a cup of coffee in her hand." Lucas says through his clenched jaw. "Tell me just how that is putting your nephew ahead of her."
"Hey!" Nathan's voice cuts through the tension in the room. "What's going on?"
"I want to know why she was here." Lucas answers gruffly as Nathan steps closer to his wife.
Nathan shakes his head, "Luke, Man, you need to calm down."
"Calm down?" Lucas rages back at his younger brother, "I have kept them apart for sixteen years. And today Elliot walks in here and they collide because Haley's giving her coffee!"
Nathan, despite sympathising with Lucas' situation, steps in front of him, "This is not Haley's fault. She has been doing everything to keep Lindsey away from you guys. Lindsey showing up now, it isn't anyone's fault, it's an inevitability."
Lucas remains tense, "We were just getting our heads around it all and now god knows what the fall out is going to be."
"Luke, I am so, so sorry that it's happened like this." Haley says, tears shining in her eyes.
Reaching out, Nathan nudges his brother in the shoulder with his hand, "Hey. You gonna answer her?"
Exhaling largely, Lucas bobs his head in a muted kind of agreement, "Sorry, Hales. We're just trying to put Elliot above everything else and I didn't even consider that she'd come here. I should have thought about it first. I've kept them apart for this long because I've always been trying to think a step ahead of Lindsey but I missed this. I'm mad at myself really."
"Oh, Lucas." Haley clutches the tea towel in her hand over her chest as her best friend rolls his eyes up towards the ceiling, trying to refrain from crying.
Lucas shakes his head, "I'm fine."
Haley's expression softens, her heart aching for him. "Come here. Talk to me. Please."
She pulls him into a hug that is both awkward due to their height difference, and perfect because it's just what he needs. She waves one of her hands at Nathan, effectively shooing him away, telling him that she's got this.
…
"Sit." Brooke instructs as she and Peyton step into the restroom.
Peyton does more or less as she's told by pulling herself into a seated position on the counter as Brooke goes into the free cubicle to retrieve a roll of toilet paper.
"Here." Brooke passes her the entire roll but uses the pads of her thumbs to stroke away the visible tears. "Now talk to me."
Peyton almost laughs, "What do you want me to say, Brooke?"
"Anything." Brooke rolls her shoulders, "You know you can always tell me anything, P Sawyer."
"I know." The blonde nods. "I know."
Brooke nudges her shoulder against her friend's, "Well? What's going on under those fake blonde curls?"
"Some grey?" Peyton offers in an attempt at humour.
"Tell me you're scared, Peyton. Tell me that you want to kick Lindsey's ass back to wherever she's come from. Tell me that you wish your best friend would shut up for two minutes. Just talk to me." Brooke pushes.
"I'm terrified, Brooke." Peyton says simply. "I'm so afraid for Elliot and I can't think of a single way to make it better for him."
Brooke squeezes her friend's hand, "I know, honey, but that's kind of a given. I want you to take a minute to think about yourself. We are all here for Elliot, without question, and that kid is going to be fine, you hear me? That gang out there won't let it go any other way. But I am your best friend P Scott. I want to know how you're feeling. However ugly it is. Things you feel like you can't admit to Lucas, or Elliot, you know that you can always tell me."
Peyton nods and sniffs loudly, she doesn't need much encouragement from her best friend to open up. At one time she would have been harder to break but over the years she's learnt that holding it all in has never helped her. "He's going to meet her, Brooke. He says he doesn't want to see her and that might be true now but eventually it'll happen."
"Mmm-hmm." Brooke rubs circles on her friend's back soothingly.
"And I want that for him, I really, really do. But I'm scared of how I'll react." She descends into tears again as she speaks, "I afraid that whatever happens, it won't be the same as before. I'm scared that when Elliot thinks of his love of literature and words he won't think that comes from song lyrics or Lucas' words, but from Lindsey. Because I'm the same way. When I think of how much I love drawing I can't help from make the leap to Ellie and it's not fair Brooke. My Mom taught me to draw, my Mom, Anna. She gave me that gift and now whenever I pick up a pencil, I think of Ellie."
"Oh, honey, no, he won't." Brooke squeezes her hand.
Peyton shakes her head ferociously, "How could I blame him when I do the same?"
"Sweetie, now don't take this the wrong way," Brooke begins cautiously, "But don't you think that might be because you lost your Mom so young? You think of Ellie because those memories are fresher."
Peyton shrugs, "Maybe, I don't know. It's hard to imagine how I'd feel if my Mom had been about when Ellie showed up. In a way I'm kind of glad she wasn't, my god I'm a terrible person."
Brooke gives her a soft smile, "You're afraid because you're here."
"Do you think I'm holding him back?" Peyton blanches.
"No." Brooke says sternly, "Definitely not, okay? Do you remember when Ellie turned up? You were a mess. You could have done with your Mom being around."
Peyton's shoulders drop, "I still could."
Reaching across awkwardly, Brooke pulls her friend into a tight hug. "You're going to be fine, Peyton."
"Things are going to change though, I need to get used to that." Peyton sighs, "Parts of him that used to belong to me are going to become Lindsey's, I'm just struggling to get my head around that at the moment."
"And that," Brooke winks in a soft manner, "is exactly why you have me around."
Peyton smiles thankfully to her friend as the door to the bathroom is pushed open. Quinn peers her head around the door and winces an apology.
"Sorry, you guys, but someone had half a carton of orange juice this morning." She steps inside, holding the door open for Scarlett who looks embarrassed to have her Mom escort her to the bathroom.
Scarlett disappears into a cubicle, red cheeked, and Quinn waits for the click of the lock before speaking.
"How are you, Peyton?" She asks, her voice just above a whisper. "I can't imagine how I'd feel if it was Sara showing up in town. I mean obviously I can't because that would be impossible but you know how I mean."
Peyton smiles softly, "It seems just as impossible, in a way."
"Of course it does." Quinn agrees, "You're his Mom, any other woman showing up claiming otherwise just doesn't seem natural."
The blonde stutters a laugh, "Except it is natural."
"All that blood's thicker than water stuff is crap, you hear me?" She pauses for the sound of the flush from Scarlett's cubicle. "And if you go all Momma Bear on her at some stage I will totally have your back."
"It goes without saying." Brooke says in agreement. "Hoes before bros'…exes."
"That was beautiful." Peyton says, her voice laced with sarcasm, but her eyes smiling, glad to have such a good network of friends.
…
"What was all that about?" Logan asks, a scowl painted across his usually smiling face.
"I don't understand." Davis' brow folds to a deeper frown and looks to his Dad, "What's going on?"
Julian sighs deeply and glances desperately towards Clay for some help, who just shrugs back and pulls a face that says don't even ask me how to handle this. They've been left, more or less, in charge of the kids and almost certainly completely out of their death.
"Dad." Jude implores, effectively double-teaming Julian, something he and his brother had perfected over the years.
"I think," Lydia's soft voice speaks under everyone else's voices and waits until they've all realised that she's spoken, "that woman was Elliot's Mom."
The twins erupt into an explosion of denials, reacting to the shock without pausing to consider the suggestion for a moment. Lydia sits back, biting on her lower lip, worried that her uncles will berate her for speaking out of turn. Her stomach turns over at the thought of what she's just said, worried for the first time that she may not actually be right. She's been listening hard when she wasn't supposed to be over the last couple of days, as she often does, and following Elliot's meeting with Lindsey, connected all the puzzle pieces.
Logan is silent, watching his Dad and Uncle Julian's reactions, as his stomach slowly drops through the floor. He doesn't need the confirmation from them like the twins, he can tell by reading their reactions. His Uncle Julian sweeps his eyes along the tabletop before he winces and looks longingly towards the restroom, begging Brooke back silently. His Dad though is more obvious, his glance flicking straight towards him, his mouth open as though to speak but wordless.
"You've been watching too many of those dumb detective shows." Davis tells Lydia, shaking his head adamantly.
"Or reading them." Jude argues, a habit formed naturally over the years, thanks to having a sibling of the same age.
Davis shrugs, "Whatever. You cannot be serious, Lydia. Peyton's his Mom."
"Obviously." Jude nods. "What made you think that for a second?"
"Alright, alright." Julian calls over the boys to stop them from attacking Lydia. "Calm down, guys."
The boys throw identical glares to their Dad, wondering why he hasn't denied it yet.
Logan, being around five minutes ahead of the twins leans in towards his Dad, "How long have they known? El and Sawyer?"
Clay shakes his head as though resigning, "It's all fresh. We don't know much ourselves."
Logan holds his head in his hands, trying to process everything as quickly as possible. He's worried about Elliot and how he'll even begin to cope with this, but mostly, ashamedly, he thinks of Sawyer.
…
Sawyer sits on the roof ledge of the apartment building. Her legs hang over the side, swinging back and forth repeatedly as she gazes down at the street below. She likes the danger of it and the way it makes her feel alive. It amazes her to think of how being a moment or a flinch away from death can make her feel alive. She likes the way that fate and destiny and all those things that dreamers speak about all the time can be thrown away in the flash of an instant if she chose to jump.
She isn't going to jump, she really isn't. But she loves the fact that she can, if she wants to. She's the master of her fate; not stars or Gods or anyone else. She's in control. It's like the quote her Dad adores so much; I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
Her hands grip onto the ledge with growing ferocity as she clamps her eyes shut for a second. She needs to believe those words again. It's hard though, with the revelation of Lindsey tipping her world on it's head without warning and without Sawyer being able to stop it.
She hears the noise of feet on gravel behind her and jumps, her heart freezing with shock. She turns her head, still feeling her deep breaths heaving in her lungs. Her eyes narrow at the sight of her brother walking over, an angered look in his eyes.
"Damn it, Elliot!" She gasps, "Are you trying to kill me?"
He arches his brow and looks at his little sister, little half sister, if he was bothering to be technical, but he won't be. "I don't know, isn't that what you were doing before I got up here?"
He passes his heavy dark eyes over her, still sat over the lip of the brickwork, his expression unimpressed. He holds his hand out towards her and nods forcefully telling her to take his damn hand and get away from the edge.
"I know what I'm doing." She bites back, "I'm not gonna fall, or jump, if that's what you thought."
"Just don't do it." He returns in a quiet voice, his eyes staring out at the Tree Hill landscape rather than looking at her.
Sawyer folds her arms over her chest but doesn't argue about him being protective. At times she kind of likes it, but she isn't about to admit it.
Elliot falls down into one of the lawn chairs that someone dragged up there at some point, "Mom used to run red lights."
"What?" Sawyer snaps her gaze back at him, surprised. She wants to know why Elliot knows that and no one ever told her.
"Yeah, like she was testing how unlucky Grandma Anna was for getting hit that one time she did it. She used to run right through town, sitting at the lights whilst they were green and then speeding through when they turned red." Elliot explains to her, "Until one day Dad called her up on it."
Sawyer feels her breath freeze in her lungs, "Please don't tell Dad I was sitting there, El."
"I won't." Elliot agrees, "But you've got to promise me you won't do it again. Why would you do it in the first place anyway?"
Pursing her lips, Sawyer turns away from him slightly. They're engineered differently, although she refuses to believe that it's because of Lindsey. They're just different. He wouldn't understand the need to feel alive in that way or having control over not jumping. He's too black and white and practical for his own good.
"It doesn't matter." She says airily. "I won't do it again."
He nods but his eyes say that he doesn't quite believe her.
"Whatever," Sawyer tries to brush it away, "How are you? What are you doing coming after me?"
"I needed to." Elliot shrugs, "And I wanted to. I don't know what to think about what happened yet."
Something passes across Sawyer's eyes, something that Elliot reads as mischief. She was never good at hiding when she was up to no good and it seems she's still not quite mastered it. "I have an idea."
"That can't mean anything good." Elliot sighs.
Sawyer scoffs as she crosses to the tap at the wall. Elliot frowns after her and watches as she produces a pack of water balloons from behind a loose brick he hadn't known was there.
"Wha-, how long have you been using that?" He asks in surprise.
Shrugging, Sawyer smiles, "You're not the only one who knows things, El."
A realisation crosses Elliot's features, "You don't throw them at people? Strangers in the street?"
Sawyer responds by tossing one behind her over her shoulder, mouthing the word 'whoops' as she does so.
"Sawyer!" He exclaims with shock.
She presses a balloon into his hands, "I know you're pretending to be okay about this and pushing it all to your brooding archive or whatever but I know you better. If nothing else this will loosen you up a bit. Just try it!"
As though to emphasise how fun it is, Sawyer launches another over the edge and then leans over to survey the damage. She turns her head back over her shoulder and grins, "Come on, you know you want to."
Elliot exhales a long breath out through his nose and weighs up the weight of the balloon in his hands before stepping towards the edge, closing his eyes and launching the balloon forward. He steps back as Sawyer leans over the wall, laughing. She turns back and smiles at the slight drop in his tense shoulders.
"That, was amazing." Sawyer laughs and coaxes Elliot to the edge. He follows a little reluctantly and peers over to see a soaked head of hair littered with torn green latex.
"Oh no." Elliot's eyes widen with shock as something in his chest rushes. The rush he feels is unexpected as an aghast Lindsey stares up at them, open mouthed and a breath away from crying.
The curly haired blonde arches her brow to her brother, "Feel better?"
Elliot scowls back at her, "No. Dammit, Sawyer."
She watches, herself on the edge of tears, as he storms away, shouldering his way past Logan who must have just appeared at the top of the stairs.
"You okay?" Logan asks her, padding over to where she's stood shaking by the ledge. Without waiting for her answer he pulls her into a bear hug, "It's okay. Trust me, I know better than anyone."
…
Elliot stares, infuriated and delighted all at once that Lindsey came back. He doesn't know that he wants her here, he's almost certain he doesn't, but there's the tiniest part of him that's screaming for her to stay. He has a lot of questions, more than he can process currently, but he's not sure he wants to hear the answers.
"You came back." He says, his voice husky.
She bobs her head in agreement, her lips pressed tightly together, "And you threw a water balloon at my head. I get it. I was an idiot to consider turning around."
"No! No," Elliot curses himself for sounding so desperate, "That was my sister, the balloon. She's…,"
"Her mother's daughter." Lindsey forces a smile, "Sorry, I don't mean that. Although if she is anything like Peyton she's lucky, I owe a lot to her, to your...Mom."
Elliot takes in her words, braver with voicing his thoughts without the audience of his family within earshot, "Thanks for saying that."
"I know that I'm the bad guy here, I won't pretend to be anything else." Lindsey sniffs audibly and shakes her head, "I just had to come back because I had to be sure that what you said before is what you wanted. I know from experience that in the heat of the moment my words haven't always had conviction behind them. I just wanted to check, to be certain. And if you do, that's, that's my issue to deal with,"
She pauses as her voice cracks with emotion and those eyes that could hold entire oceans within them fix on Elliot.
Licking his lips, Elliot considers his answer, before flicking his conflicted gaze back at Lindsey. She sees the squint that broke her heart looking back at her. He looks like Lucas more than ever now as she's always imagined he would.
"I have so many questions." Elliot tells her and something in her seems to lift, just for a second. "But I'm afraid of the answers. Because if there had been any good in this, I would have heard it already. So whilst I don't know the truth I can make my own story. I don't have to hear you say it, I don't have to look you in the eye and feel something as you say it. I'm sorry, okay? I've seen the movies, I know what I'm supposed to do; reunite and bond but, what if it doesn't work out? What if I'm disappointed? I just, I can't. I'm sorry."
"What if it does work out?" Lindsey grasps, her voice quivering.
Elliot's expression crumbles and he wipes his hand under his nose as a lone tear snakes down from his eye, "Did you ever ask yourself that when you gave me up? What if it works out?"
"Of course I did." Lindsey gasps, aching to reach out and hold her little boy again.
At that moment Nathan appears at Elliot's side and guides Lindsey towards the door with a firm glance. She nods stiffly, looking fragile enough to break into pieces in the soft wind outside.
She manages a last glance back, "Goodbye, my boy."
…