Hi there! So this has been sitting on my laptop for a couple of weeks now. I think I'm more anxious of this chapter than the others because I'm aware it's the one that everyone's been waiting for. I'm not sure I did it justice but I think I've stared at it enough now, so here it is...
...
Peyton double checks the hasty scrawl on the waitress pad she took from the cafe and breathes in deeply. She then looks over her shoulder once more despite knowing that her family won't have followed her. She then walks across the small parking lot, recognising one of the cars instantly.
She lied to Lucas and the kids following breakfast and the guilt is still squirming inside her. She told them that she wanted to go and visit her Mom at the cemetery, certain that none of them would offer to join her. Lucas has never quite felt comfortable speaking to the gravestones, Elliot finds the whole thing insufferably awkward and Sawyer made it clear that she was planning to go straight home to let out her aggression somehow, most likely using the volume dial on her stereo. Thankfully Peyton had assumed correctly, for she isn't at the cemetery, but a quiet motel just a few blocks from the cafe.
She supposes she should have let Brooke or Haley know her intentions so that they could join her and act as a voice of reason but deep down she feels like facing Lindsey for the first time is something that she needs to do alone. No doubt by now Nathan may have realised why she was enquiring lightly into where Lindsey had been staying and he may have told Lucas, who will go mad. She can deal with that though.
Shaking slightly, she knocks lightly on the thin door and then waits for only about three seconds before unleashing a thunderous hammering with her fist, impatient and angry.
When she hears the click of the lock being unfastened she stops and feels her stomach turn slowly inside her, the breakfast of eggs and bacon spinning with it. Before she can think of leaving though the door is pulled open and Lindsey is stood before her. Her entire face is puffy and red from crying, her expression though is stony.
"Peyton." She greets, already looking exhausted at the thought of a conversation with the blonde.
"Can I come in?" Peyton requests in a clipped tone and then strides in without waiting for the invitation.
Pushing the door closed, Lindsey glares towards the blonde, "Sure, Peyton, I mean you always did do whatever you wanted."
"How dare you!" Peyton rages, her eyes wide with disbelief. She feels the calm state she'd practised melting away instantly, "When you have just shown up here, at our home, without warning! Did you think about that? Did you even think for a second about Elliot? God, do you ever think about him?"
"I think about him every day." Lindsey answers back evenly.
Honestly she's been waiting for this. She expected for them to come together though; Lucas and Peyton, to both tell her in no uncertain terms to get the hell out. She speaks again, in a quieter, softer voice, "I just wanted to see him."
Peyton doesn't drop her hard stance, "Then you should have called! Or written, or emailed, for heaven's sake! Lucas and I have never hidden. Never. I have my own business, he's on the school board and is still writing, it's not as though you couldn't find our details. What the hell gave you the right to just drop in?"
"He's my son." Lindsey says through gritted teeth.
"No." Peyton points her finger, "He was your son. You gave him away. You dropped him on me, out of the blue, and I've been his Mom everyday since then. You don't get to choose when you see him now. You have to go through me!"
Lindsey shakes her head back and forth and with the motion a few tears fly free from her eyes, "He doesn't want to see me anyway! He made that pretty clear."
"Can you blame him?" Peyton continues her spitting rage, "You have been gone his entire life! Then you suddenly appear, out of nowhere. He's seventeen years old. You can't imagine how hard this is for him."
"You didn't tell him about me, did you?" Lindsey asks, her voice still relatively calm. Peyton envies her for that. She never quite could keep a handle on her emotions when she came face to face with the woman stood before her.
Peyton shakes her head, defiantly, "No, we didn't."
Lindsey exhales, something like a laugh, "Lucas promised he would."
Narrowing her eyes slightly, Peyton tries to gauge Lindsey's words.
"He was clearly lying. It doesn't matter." Lindsey says dismissively, wishing that Peyton would leave. More than anything she just wants to run away and hide. It's something she's perfected over the years, she's not proud of it, but it makes her feel safe. She feels humiliated. Something inside her really believed that Elliot would want to meet her, to get to know her even. Somehow she must have convinced herself it was really going to happen this time. She can't tell whether it was faith or delusion, but whatever it was, it's gone now.
"He wasn't lying. We did plan to tell him." Peyton defends her husband, her hands clenched into fists, "But we stopped hearing from you. It's been nine years? Ten, maybe?"
In that time Peyton has managed to convince herself that Lindsey wouldn't ever come back, it was unrealistic, but if she believed it she could justify not telling Elliot the truth.
Lindsey's eyes shine back at Peyton with something other than tears, "I came back three years ago. And Lucas sent me away. He told me the same thing that Elliot told me this morning; to leave. I should have learnt my lesson that time."
Peyton swallows down the news of Lucas' secret meeting with Lindsey with only a slight quiver of her jaw. She's mad but she doesn't want Lindsey to know that.
She's always done her utmost to be an equal parent to Elliot. She's made sure she never showed any favouritism towards Sawyer and has treated Elliot as though he's her own from day one. She did that for Elliot, and for Sawyer too, but perhaps most of all for Lucas and their marriage. She'd assumed that Lucas had believed her an equal parent too.
"I came here to tell you to stay." Peyton tells her in a soft voice, having regained most of her composure.
Lindsey looks back at her as though she doesn't believe her and then shakes her head adamantly. More than anyone else, she knows that Peyton hates her being here. "Why would you do that?"
Hugging her arms around her, Peyton rolls her eyes, most likely to try and prevent her tears from falling, "Because people always leave."
Lindsey purses her lips, she doesn't need to ask what Peyton means by that. She knows her past.
"He'll want to see you, eventually. He will." Peyton speaks mostly to herself but loud enough for Lindsey to hear the tears shaking behind the words.
Peyton then meets Lindsey's eyes and raises her voice, "If you are not here when he comes looking, he will lose faith. You need to be here. You need to show that you're here for him."
Looking forlorn, Lindsey shrugs, "I've read about other people who have gone through this, sometimes it takes years, lifetimes, sometimes never at all."
"It'll take as long as it takes." Peyton says, her voice laced with threat. She's testing the waters with Lindsey. She needs to know that she's committed. Had she had the chance, she would have sounded her out before telling Elliot the truth but she wasn't afforded that luxury. She's bitter about that but she can't change it now. All she can do is everything in her power to make this as smooth as possible for Elliot. One of those things, despite every fibre in her being wishing it were different, is ensuring Lindsey stays in Tree Hill. "He will want to see you, I know that kid."
There's a tweak of irritation in Lindsey's face at Peyton's last comment but she forces the issue away. "Well, originally I'd planned to stick around...and it's not as though I have to get back for work."
"How much leave do you have?" Peyton enquires, her voice is light but the sharp undertones are unmistakable. She needs to ensure that Lindsey won't drop Elliot in favour of her career again.
Lindsey's brow knits at the question and then smoothes out again, "I'm not going back."
Peyton fails to hide her surprise. She then looks around the small motel room, wondering how long Lindsey will be able to afford it if she is out of work.
"Elliot didn't say? It was in the letter." Lindsey says in an offhand manner as though pushing down a choking emotion.
"He hasn't read the letter." Peyton explains sharply. "I haven't given it to him yet."
The look Lindsey angles back shoots daggers towards Peyton. "I addressed that to him."
"And he will get it." Peyton returns, her voice edged with steel. "When I decide that he's ready. I told Nathan to tell you that."
"Nathan tends to get distracted with rage whenever he lays eyes on me." Lindsey scoffs.
"I can't think why." Peyton shoots back before she can help herself and then waves her hand to dismiss the comment. "What Nathan should have said is that we will do this on our terms, mine and Lucas'. Elliot's too, of course. You've already shown up unannounced without warning, first at the game, then at the cafe. It's not fair on Elliot, and I won't stand for it. If you're serious about this, really, really serious, then you need to promise me that you're going to put him first."
Lindsey scoffs, "I've been through all of this before with Lucas; if I'd called ahead he would have told me to get lost."
"Why do you always go to Lucas?" Peyton asks even though if she's honest she already knows the answer. "You gave Elliot to us, both of us. You've trusted me to make decisions for that boy every day of his life until now. Why wouldn't you trust me with this?"
Lindsey takes a moment to answer, she's a little surprised by the question. It's not the question exactly though, but the way Peyton says it, as though she's speaking to her mother-to-mother for the first time.
Although it pains her slightly to do so, Lindsey realises that she needs to be honest with Peyton. "It's hard seeing you. You have intimidated me since the moment we first met. I always contacted Lucas because the idea of facing the woman who did the job I was supposed to do, so much better than I could, the most important job in the world; it made me feel so small and insignificant. So that's why, if you really must know. I can see now though that I was wrong to do so. I should have always contacted both of you. Giving Elliot away wasn't a light decision, it was…you can't even imagine. But obviously I trust you, I trusted you with the most important thing in the world."
"I appreciate your honestly." Peyton says softly. "I have never told anyone this, but in a way, I am so glad that my adoptive Mom, Anna, wasn't around when my birth Mom came back. Because their relationship would have stood in the way of my relationships with both of them. And they are two of the most important people to have been in my life. I don't want to stand in the way of Elliot having that with you. I don't want to intimidate you or make Elliot feel that he can't have a relationship with both of us. I am not here to fight over things that have happened in the past. All I am going to do is stand by him."
Lindsey nods slowly, her cheeks heating with embarrassment, "And yet I still feel this big." She holds her finger and thumb millimetres apart to emphasise her feelings.
Peyton rolls her eyes, barely believing that she's about to comfort the woman she's never quite got around to liking, "Okay, since we're being honest here. You have always felt like the most powerful woman in the world to me. Still. You have the power to take that little boy away from me." Peyton's voice cracks as she lets her true feelings spill free, "And I am terrified, okay? Absolutely terrified."
"But you're still telling me to stay." Lindsey reminds her, "Proving that you are that woman I feel so inferior to. But your fear is unrealised; I have no power here, none at all."
Peyton smirks, "Trust me, as someone who has lived this once over already - because apparently the universe just loves irony - you have power."
"What made you want to get to know your birth Mom?" Lindsey asks suddenly, her voice awkward, as though the question has been sitting on her tongue for a while.
"Honestly?" Peyton thinks back to the turbulent teenage years she had and the wrestles she had with her subconscious. "It wasn't even a choice in the end. It was just a natural path. You'll see."
Lindsey bites down on her lower lip, "You really believe that?"
"Yes, I do." Peyton tells her in a firm voice. "So please stick around and wait this one out."
"Okay," Lindsey nods and sighs in her temporary home, "And for the record, it has never been my intention to come here and take him away from you. I absolutely believe that won't happen."
Peyton smiles softly, "Thank you."
There's a heavy silence between them then. Despite any of their kind words, the friction remains in the space.
Finally, after what feels like an eternal moment, Peyton reaches into her purse and unloops a key from the heavy mass that hang from a 'Mom' keychain. "Here. If you're going to be staying a while you can hardly live here. This is the key to my Dad's place. It's only this little place down by the water, like a holiday let, I guess. He's away most of the time. Anyway, it's yours."
"Peyton, I can't take this." Lindsey shakes her head in refusal.
"Yes, you can." Peyton assures, "And actually, it's better for the moment. My Dad's place is more out of the way. Until Elliot decides he wants to see you, I won't need to worry quite so much about you two running into one another."
"This is very kind, thank you." Lindsey says humbly.
Peyton takes a deep breath, "I want this to work out too, despite how I might seem. I will do anything I can to help, as long as it isn't hurting Elliot. I need you to work with me though. I need you to promise me patience with him and a thick skin too. He's going to be angry for a while and I doubt he'll be shy about letting you know it. You need to suck that up. I am on your side but I am not going to apologise for any way that Elliot reacts to this, that is yours to deal with. This is my number, call me anytime. Don't shut me out from this, I will fight my way in."
Extending her hand, Peyton passes a business card to Lindsey who takes it, along with the threat Peyton offered with it.
"Text me and I'll let you know the address of the house." Peyton says, collecting her purse. "I know we have lots to talk about but I have to go."
"Will you tell me about him?" Lindsey asks suddenly, her voice smaller than Peyton's ever known it, "Anything. Just something I don't know."
A smile grazes Peyton's lips, "I could talk about him all day. But one thing? Alright. He enjoys finding mistakes in published books, it's like a weird quirk of his that is simultaneously irritating and adorable. Lucas and Sawyer find it infuriating, they hate to see the imperfection there on the page, never again able to unsee it. I think it's cute. I can't help it. And I think he probably gets that from you."
Lindsey wipes a stray tear from her cheek and nods. Peyton takes that as her cue to leave.
"Hey, Peyton?" Lindsey calls her back.
"Yeah?" Peyton asks cautiously. She's afraid of what Lindsey may say next.
Lindsey's drowning eyes look back to her desperately, "Thank you. Not for the key, I mean for everything. Thank you for being his Mom. You won't ever know how grateful I am."
Peyton bites down on her lower lip, she doesn't want to breakdown crying in front of Lindsey. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head, "No, thank you. I have loved every second of being his Mom."
...
Before writing this chapter I was expecting a complete screaming match and put downs like in the library episode but it didn't turn out like that. They're older now and a lot has happened since then, so I think they've grown up since then. I hope no one was disappointed. Lexie :)