This is not a drill. It's me.
If anyone is still into this, here goes ch12.
...
Elliot flicks his thumb over the lighter and ignites the flame, over and over. He considers the idea again; the idea of burning the letter.
Somehow though, he knows he won't really go through with it. He can't be like his Mom and Aunt Brooke must have been when they burnt the letter from his Dad. It would haunt him, maybe not immediately, but in time, to know he would never read the words. He has a kind of curiosity that makes him that way; he likes to know things. Absolutely and without doubt. He has to know what is written.
Knowing this; that he will, definitely read the contents of the letter, Elliot can't say why he doesn't just rip it open and get it over with. But he doesn't, he guesses he's not ready to hear it all yet.
He wonders absently why she chose a letter, of all things, to contact him. If she'd sent him a DM on social media he would have opened it already, read it without any indecision. It makes him resentful and grateful all at once.
He's diverted from his thoughts by the sound of the doorbell, reminding him that the world is still turning around him. He stuffs the letter back in his rucksack and goes to grab the door that his Mom and sister seemingly didn't hear. He needs to leave for practise anyway; he doesn't want to give Lowe the satisfaction of seeing him getting a late mark and having to run suicides.
Throwing his bag over one shoulder he pulls open the door and is instantly blinded by what he can only describe as a waterfall of glitter.
"Happy Party Planning!" Lacey's voice sings through the avalanche of sparkle. As the glitter descends, Lacey's mouth forms a round 'o'. Sawyer isn't stood before her, as expected, instead a shimmery Elliot.
"Lacey." He says, eyebrows arched sky high.
"I thought you were Sawy! I'm sorry!" She gushes before offering a shy grin, "You do look fabulous though."
"Uh, thanks," He frowns, "I, um, have to get to practise. Go up and find Sawyer though."
Elliot offers a small smile and steps past her, shaking his hair furiously as he does so. Lacey watches after him as he goes, biting down on her lower lip and wondering, until Sawyer barrels into her and breaks the moment.
"What are you doing out here?" Sawyer asks, grabbing Lacey by the wrist and pulling her into the house.
"Um, nothing," Lacey stutters and shakes her head, "I am here to search your wardrobe to choose you something to wear on Friday."
"I have been competently dressing myself for over a decade, thanks." Sawyer snarks back as they climb the stairs.
"That, is debatable." Lacey argues, causing Sawyer to narrow her eyes. "Besides, I heard like the entire Ravens team is coming to this party!"
"And?" Sawyer shrugs, "Most of the team have seen me in sweats, they're round here all the time."
"I will pretend you never said that." Lacey says, holding up her hand and in a stop motion. "I am going to make you look incredible."
"Whatever." Sawyer sighs, she doesn't have the energy to argue this early in the morning. Instead she flops back down on her bed and gathers up her notebook as Lacey disappears into her closet.
She flicks to the next blank page and taps her pen against her thigh in thought. Writing helps her to think. Usually she can't ever find the right words to say out loud, she just blurts her thoughts and says the wrong thing. Writing is easier, she has the time to edit, the time to make the words right.
If you had the chance to change something in your life; go back and alter a moment, would you? If you could re-write your present with something as simple as keeping the lid of a box closed, would you go back and tape it shut? Secrets are delicate, once they're unboxed they can't ever fit back inside. No matter how hard you try to push them back and pretend. No matter the party you throw to gloss it over. The secret is free and wild, and if you think it's not, you're just running scared.
"Your wardrobe is a disaster!" Lacey proclaims, cutting into Sawyer's musings.
"It is not!" Sawyer argues, "And I might not even go to this party anyway."
Lacey looks outraged, "This is your party! You cannot bail!"
"I just don't really feel like it." Sawyer shrugs.
"Hey," Lacey softens, "I know things are tough but I think it might do you some good to get out of your head for a while. I know you and your brooding ways. Cut loose for one night, what's the worst that can happen?"
With a sigh Saywer nods. If nothing else, she can't let Lacey down. "Okay, fine. I've done the posters with my address on them, anyway."
"That's...sort of the spirit." Lacey laughs, "Show me the finished product then!"
Sawyer lifts from the bed, throwing her notebook down so that the page she's written is face down and gathers the poster from her desk. She shows it to Lacey who wrinkles her nose a little.
Sawyer sighs heavily, "What?"
"I said make it...fun and romantic!" Lacey cries, "It's a bit dark."
Pouting, Sawyer takes the page back, "There's a comet."
"Yeah, and that's romantic to you because of your parents. For us it's just a comet." Lacey explains. "But I don't have time for you to change it now. Let's go break into the copy room."
Sawyer can't help but grin at the idea of some mischief and follows her friend downstairs. She holds up her hand to tell Lace to wait a minute and then pops her head around the kitchen door to say goodbye to her Mom.
She frowns when she sees her Mom sat at the table drinking in her well-thumbed picture of Ellie.
"Mom?" She calls out in a soft voice.
"Hey!" Peyton stands, "Are you going? Have a good day."
Sawyer hesitates, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, don't worry about me, Kiddo." Peyton smiles widely back at her but Sawyer doesn't miss the shine of tears in her eyes. "You better get to school."
"Yeah," Sawyer agrees redundantly, "Okay, love you, Mom."
"Love you too, Sawyer." Peyton leans in and kisses her daughter's nose.
...
Nathan sighs as the early morning practise ends with a heated exchange between his Captain and Vice, not for the first time this week.
"Are they for real?" Lucas groans at his side.
In response Nathan offers a half smirk, "Remind you of anyone?"
"What do we do?" Lucas asks, brushing a hand worriedly over his hair. "I've got to go, I've got to get Peyton to Charlotte."
"Go, Man, let me talk to Elliot," Nathan offers, waving his nephew over as he speaks.
Bowing out, Lucas claps his hand on his little brother's shoulder.
Elliot jogs over, looking every inch his father's son; squinting in confusion, "Nate?"
"Coach Scott." Nathan corrects him gently, and picks up a ball to roll up and down his arm. "I wanted a word."
Resignedly Elliot hangs his head, "Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be bonding with Lowe. He's an ass though."
Nathan chuckles lightly, and dribbles the ball against the polished floor, "You know, if I were to speak to him he'd probably say the same thing about you."
"And he'd be lying." Elliot shrugs, "But you know that?"
"I know he doesn't know my nephew the way that I do." Nathan replies, "Just like you might not know Griffin well enough to know what he's really like."
Elliot exhales loudly, a look of betrayal over his features.
"Look, I'm not saying you're wrong but maybe you need to give the guy a chance." Nathan reasons, "I was once the kid everyone called an asshole - you've read about that in your Dad's dumb book. And look how wrong he was; I'm a delight."
At that Elliot cracks a grin finally, and tackles the ball away from Nathan, much to the older Scott's chagrin, "Alright, fine. I'll try a truce, but if it ends badly I'll blame you."
"That's fair." Nathan nods and frowns over his nephew, "Are you wearing glitter?"
Elliot mumbles something about a girl and Nathan winks back at him.
...
Haley knocks tentatively at the door of the beach house and from inside she hears movement, causing her to instantly panic. She glances to Quinn, whom she's dragged along with her, but her sister only shrugs unhelpfully.
The door clicks open a second later and Lindsey's face appears, looking not entirely surprised to see Haley with a box of groceries.
"Hi!" Haley greets cheerily, in an attempt to make out like nothing's awkward even though the air between them is heavy. "I didn't know what Larry would have here, being that he just stops in and I know that you can go to the store but I thought, well, I brought you some things."
"That's kind, Haley." Lindsey notes and steps aside to let her in.
Haley indicates with a nod of her head towards Quinn, "This is my sister, Quinn, she's just here to, um, help me out."
Quinn rolls her eyes at Haley's politeness, something that doesn't escape Lindsey's gaze.
Haley busies herself in the kitchenette, finding homes for all of the items that she's collected for Lindsey, familiar enough with the place to know roughly where everything should go. The families have made regular use of the beach house over the years, frequenting it over numerous summers on days out to the beach.
"So, you're just going to hang out here until Elliot wants to see you?" Quinn asks, arching her brow at Lindsey.
"Quinn!" Haley scolds. "Lindsey, you don't have to answer that. This is none of our business."
"So we're okay to bring her care packages but we can't ask how long she'll need them for?" Quinn narrows her eyes and then shakes her head, "I can't believe Lucas and Peyton are putting her up."
"You don't have to speak about me as though I'm not here." Lindsey retorts sharply.
Quinn ignores the comment and moves to Haley's groceries, "Did you bring Toaster Strudel, Hales?"
"Quinn." Haley's voice is sharp, the same voice she uses when scolding her children. "I'm sorry, Lindsey, I brought my sister for moral support but I feel that may have been an error of judgement."
"It's fine, I really should be getting used to the cold shoulder by now." Lindsey waves her hand.
Haley purses her lips, "Peyton invited you to stay, therefore we should all be supportive of her decision."
"Peyton did." Quinn agrees, "But Luke didn't."
"Of which I am aware, thank you." Lindsey says coolly.
"And it's none of our business!" Haley reminds her sister. "Anyway, Lindsey, I just came to check in, see if there was anything else that you needed? And if you wanted a chat?"
Lindsey throws a rare warm smile towards Haley, "Thank you, but I don't think that now is the time."
"To be honest," Haley begins, helping herself to a seat on the couch, "If you can't deal with Quinn's anger then you won't be ready if Elliot comes to find you."
Quinn offers a smirk of agreement before taking a bite from one of the chocolate bars she found in the groceries.
"Fine," Lindsey throws her hands up in surrender, "Come at me with every loathsome thing you want to say to me. It won't be any worse than what I tell myself everyday. And it will not stop me from sticking this out and seeing him. He is my son, and no matter what you may think, I love him more than I have ever loved anyone or anything."
Quinn arches her brow, when she'd first met Lindsey she'd pegged her as weak-willed, she hadn't known she had any fight at all inside of her. Haley meanwhile is sat smiling knowingly.
"What is it?" Lindsey asks her friend shyly.
"It's," Haley waves her hand dismissively, "It's just you reminded me, of me. Back in high school after I left Nathan to go on tour and when I came back Peyton was so unwelcoming."
"Imagine that." Lindsey notes lightly.
"She had just cause." Haley assures in defence of her friend. "I had devastated Nathan and he was her friend. I came back and whined about Nathan not letting me back in and she gave me the cold shoulder and a few choice words. She was defiant. That's until I started fighting for Nathan, that's when she backed down. She knew I wasn't there to hurt him again. That's all that we all need to know; that you won't hurt Elliot again. Because he is worth so much better."
"I know he is." Lindsey agrees, "I only ever tried to give him better. I gave him a Mom and a Dad who were better."
"He is very lucky to have had you making those decisions for him; putting him first." Haley says gently and looks pointedly towards Quinn.
Quinn sighs deeply but then nods, "I mean, yeah, doing that for Elliot, giving him to those awesome people? Yeah, for that I like you."
"I'll take that." Lindsey nods, graciously, "And I can see that you really care about him. It's lovely to see that he also has a good extended family."
"We're glad to have him." Quinn nods in a kind of truce.
...
Davis slouches down at the lunch table that Jude and Lydia are sat at, causing them both to frown over at the slightly older Baker twin.
"No offence," Jude begins slowly, "but why are you sitting here?"
"Offence taken." Davis says, turning to face his brother, "This is hardly the hottest seat in the cafeteria, I can sit here if I want."
Lydia snorts, "Why aren't you sitting with your girlfriend? I mean I'm sure she misses you and your charm."
"We broke up." Davis shrugs. He'd only been dating Elodie for a month, his heart was never in it anyway.
Jude nods as he chews down the last of his mouthful, "So she dumped you."
"No." Davis throws one of his fries across the table. "We just broke up. That happens and you'd know that if you'd ever had a girlfriend."
"Oh God," Lydia cuts in, "I know Elodie dumped you, Day. And I can't cope if you guys are going to sit here arguing all lunch."
Davis' jaw drops, "Is that what she told you? That's not even true!"
"Sorry, I meant to say before," Lydia winces, "I really don't care one way or the other anyway."
"Well, thanks a lot for the support, Lyd, I just broke up and you don't care at all." Davis shakes his head, "I'll remember this, for the day that you break up with a guy. I'll just sit back and read some dumb book like…what the hell are you reading anyway?"
"The Catcher in the Rye." Lydia answers, "And sorry, but you never seemed that into her when you were together."
Leaning over, Davis grabs the book out of her hands and flicks through the pages absently, "What is this about then? It looks boring."
"It's about some asshole kid who thinks he knows absolutely everything." Lydia says as she reaches for the paperback that Davis is holding away from her.
Jude laughs, "You never told me you wrote a book, Davis."
"It's really good actually." Lydia defends.
"Unlikely." Davis decides and drops it back into Lydia's hands.
Lydia goes to defend the book but is distracted as her two older cousins appear and take a seat on either side of her. After recovering from them making her jump, she eyes them both in turn, frowning deeply, "This isn't your lunch hour."
In response they both produce Study Passes from their pockets and lay them down on the table. Lydia would laugh at their synchronicity if her stomach wasn't turning over and over with niggling worry.
Ignoring the tension in the air, Davis reaches for Elliot's pass and turns it over in his hand admirably, "So you can just leave class and everything?"
"Clue's in the title, it's for study." Sawyer tells him, "So if you see a teacher, give us a heads up, we're not supposed to skip out to the cafeteria."
"How do I get one?" Davis asks, still marvelling at the idea.
Sawyer snorts, "Become an Upper Classman, squirt."
Pulling a face, Davis tosses the pass back towards Elliot, his interest extinguished.
Elliot purses his lips together with slight frustration, "Right, clearly we're supposed to be in study hall right now, so we're going out on a limb to catch you guys."
"What do you want with us so desperately?" Jude asks before taking a sip of his milkshake.
Across Lydia, Elliot and Sawyer share a look.
"Lindsey," Sawyer offers, venom in her voice.
"We're guessing your parents filled you in, after what happened at the cafe?" Elliot explains, and sheepishly the three younger teens nod in confirmation. "So you know the…situation."
Davis narrows his eyes, "Yeah, well, kind of. Where do we come into this?"
"I sent her away; Lindsey," Elliot sighs largely. "Her being around just made everyone miserable, so I told her to leave. But I want to know where she is."
"Even though you sent her away?" Jude echoes.
"Yeah." Elliot nods, and doesn't give them any more than that.
Sawyer rolls her eyes, "Don't even ask, I don't understand it either."
Elliot lowers his voice, "You can't understand it, you just can't. I don't want to see her, not at the moment anyway, but I don't want to never see her again either."
"How are you even at school right now? Your head must be everywhere." Lydia says, eyes wide, "Like, are you okay about this? Did you have any idea?"
"Not a clue." Elliot shakes his head, "But I can't be at home anymore. I need a break from the house. I don't want to catch Mom and Dad's looks across the table whenever I talk and I can't hear their hissing arguments from their bedroom all day. They're awesome for like, everything they've done, but I can't be around them constantly like this. School's normal, no one besides you guys know. Here I'm still the coach and the music lady's son. Normal feels good."
Sawyer's jaw flexes, "You still are the coach and the music lady's son."
"I know, I know." Elliot's quick to assure his hot headed sister. "And I want it to stay that way but it doesn't mean I might not need to ask Lindsey some stuff one day."
Sawyer shakes her head in disagreement.
"Sawy, you said you'd be there for whatever I chose, stop disagreeing with everything I want to do!" Elliot lashes out.
"Sorry!" Sawyer's quick to apologise, "But I find it hard to have any sympathy for the woman who abandoned you!"
"Leave it, Sawyer." Elliot tells her though gritted teeth. "I'm not organising a happy reunion, I just want to know where she is. I don't want to know her yet but I might one day. You can't judge me for that, you can't. Mom did it with Ellie and I'm not ruling it out. Imagine not knowing Mom and she turned up one day, wouldn't you want to know something about her?"
Sawyer's eyes flare, "And if she'd done that to me wouldn't you want to keep her away?"
Elliot throws his hands up, "Yes, alright, I'd do anything to make sure no one hurt you but if it was something you wanted to do, you'd do it anyway."
Stubbornly Sawyer chews on the inside of her cheek before answering, "Fine. If any of you hear where she's gone, tell Elliot. And me. Don't shut me out of this."
A little hesitantly Davis, Jude and Lydia nod back to her in promise.
"I should be working on an essay." She says then, effectively ending the conversation when she stands and sashays out of the cafeteria.
"I'm sorry." Lydia says in a small voice causing Elliot to grin crookedly back at her.
"Thanks, Lydie Bob." He says.
Davis frowns deeply, staring at Elliot as though trying to work something out.
Eventually Elliot sighs, "You can ask me anything, Davis."
"Okay," Davis nods, "Are you wearing glitter?"
Elliot groans and lifts from his seat muttering something about murder.
"Good one, Davis." Jude congratulates his brother.
"What? He said I could ask him anything!" Davis argues back as Lydia disappears back into the relative calm of her paperback.
...
Peyton throws the magazine down that she hadn't been reading and throws her head back. Beside her Lucas casts her a glance over his newspaper.
"You'll be fine, I know it." He assures her, setting down his paper and taking her hand. They're in the waiting room at the hospital for Peyton's annual breast cancer screening and she's even more tense than usual.
Peyton rolls her eyes, "Don't you think it would just be the final twist of irony if this time my tests came back positive? Like a complete rerun of the first time a birth mother appeared?"
"No." He says firmly. "I don't think that would be ironic at all."
"You know what I mean." She says dismissively, "Like, there can't ever just be one ridiculous earth shattering event going on, there has to be another sucker punch."
Lucas looks back at her, almost angry, "That is not going to happen."
"I love your optimism." She smiles back at him, "I just can't stop linking this back to Ellie. And I know it's stupid, I do, I just, it's sort of hit me harder this time; the screening. Like, I don't wanna miss out on those kids, and it scares me."
"Hey, hey." Lucas pushes a curl behind her ear, "It scares me too. This, and HCM looming over us. But that's why we do this. It's a precaution to catch anything that might be there."
She nods back at him, teary eyed, "I know. You're right. It just catches up to me sometimes."
"Course." Lucas says in easy understanding. "It's not easy, ever, but with everything that's going on, I get it."
"I still make all this stupid deals, like with God or the universe or whatever," She laughs lightly as though embarrassed even though Lucas thinks she has no reason to be, "Like, let the test be negative and I'll do some volunteer work, or be a nicer person, or whatever. I've never really learnt that it doesn't work like that."
Lucas twists her wedding band with his fingers, "You know that's hoping, right, Blondie? All those deals. It's just hope. Like Pandora's box."
Peyton nods slowly, "I think I get how that girl felt opening that box and letting all the evil spill into the world. Elliot's box felt like doing the same thing."
"Ah, he's got more than hope left." Lucas argues, "He's got us. And we are not going anywhere, okay?"
"Okay." She agrees and squeezes his hand as he kisses her temple.
A nurse appears at the door, "Peyton Scott?"
...
"Lowe." Elliot calls out to his team mate who is heading out across the quad, "Wait up!"
A little reluctantly Griffin pauses and turns, frowning back at Elliot, "What? You got another poor jump shot you wanna show me?"
Elliot grits his teeth but holds back, "No, I wanted to see if we could maybe be team mates who get along, see if it helps our game more than beating on one another. Here,"
He passes over one of the flyers Sawyer's designed for the party. Griffin casts his eyes over it quickly.
"It would be cool if you could come." Elliot says, "The rest of the team are going to be there, if wouldn't be a Ravens party without you."
Griffin narrows his eyes, "If this is a hazing set up-,"
"It's not." Elliot's quick to assure him, "See look, I'm throwing it with my sister. You can ask her. It's just a party. Things have been, well, pretty crap recently. It's just some fun."
Suddenly Griffin smirks, "Oh, so your sister's gonna be there?"
Elliot flexes his jaw, "Yeah, and I'll be looking out for her all night."
"Chill out." Griffin laughs, and claps Elliot on the shoulder, "Okay, I'll come to your lame ass party. "
Elliot nods, "Great."
"You know you're covered in pink glitter right?" Griffin asks as he turns to leave.
"It's been mentioned." Elliot nods and watches Griffin go. "Lacey Prideaux certainly knows how to leave an impression"