Article 38 - Chapter 34 - Confessions of the Self Indulgent
-Volume 2: Subarticle 3-
This chapter is dedicated in loving memory of Kobe Bean Bryant, a personal role model of mine, and a pioneer at the very cusp of giving everything you have to give to your devotions. May his inspiring messages and feats live on in our hearts immortalizing him as a Legend. Because Legends never die. (August 23, 1978 - January 26, 2020)
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
(Last Chapter: Excerpt)
(Mina POV)
"I see a group of what looks like hostile bandits 60 meters forward. I count 20, and at least 4 distinguished chakra signatures of potential shinobi."
"...I see," Gai-sensei said, his voice hardened. "Stop the rig here. My team will make contact with them and neutralize them if necessary.
It seems my first mission wouldn't go as smoothly as I thought. My lips contorting into a wicked grin.
To everyone else, this will be Mina Hyuga's premiere on the battlefield. Now It's my time to shine.
┬┴┬┴┤ Chapter 34 ├┬┴┬┴
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
(Sasuke POV)
Walking in formation, Gai-sensei lead the way toward the potential hostiles. Despite us moving carefully, the audible crunch of leaves would give our position away if they didn't know where we were already.
My nervous system was working in overdrive. The adrenalin making it difficult to stay as composed as I would be in training or sparring conditions.
Looking over my shoulder, my eyes met with Mina's who was the back of the formation. Her ferocious grin and the fire in her eyes made me question my resolve. Seems her condition might actually be better than in our practices and spars.
I was ashamed to have worried about her after seeing that, and scolded myself for having even a trace of doubt for either of us to begin with.
She nodded, her eyebrows tightening together at the same time. I nodded back in acknowledgement with my newfound resolve and turned my attention back in front of us.
"So what do we have here?" Gai-sensei's voice grabbing the attention of the entire group.
"So… this time Gato also hired foreign ninja to protect his lumber? Well this is awkward." One of the bandit's spoke up shrugging his shoulders.
"Our mission is the protection detail of the distributors and goods. It looks like you all were prepared to raid us, but as my word as Konoha's sublime green beast, I'll still allow you to retreat." He said pumping his fist on his chest.
Why is he avoiding a skirmish? We could have had the element of surprise but we forfeited it for THIS? Is Gai-sensei even a proper shinobi or am I missing something?
A different bandit took a step forward from the group pointing to us. "Look at how green they are. It's just one man and a bunch of kids. If we take them out, wave country can still be salvaged!"
"Yeah! Come on Ninja, we already paid you and we can't turn back now or that devil Gato will 'own us'. It's now or never!"
"-I agree! If we turn around what will become of our families and loved ones? We must fight!"
Distinguishing the shinobi from the normal combatants was simple, they each wore a blue flak jacket indicating they were each of chunin rank or higher along with their headbands. From my studies, the insignia on their headbands' no doubt belonged to the Land of Rivers.
Enemy Shinobi changes this mission to at least a B rank. I might be able to explore how far I've come on this mission after all.
"Turn back… if not, you will lose and all without laying a finger on my pupils."
Gai-sensei took a single step forward, his shoes crunching into the earth as he roared into the air.
"AhhhhHHAAA" Gai yelled.
My gaze was transfixed on our captain. As goofy and unintelligent as he seemed, he was radiating a terrifying pressure that colored the air a tint of green. His skin transformed from a peachy tan to tomato red. His muscles which were already impressive expanded filling his uniform more fully.
What kind of technique is this?! This is really our captain?! It's like… He's a monster!
His veins bulged from the visible side of his face and his exposed forearms.
"Gate of pain - Open." Gai said leaving most of the bandits quaking in their boots.
"He's in our bingo book! He's Maito Gai, Konoha's sublime green beast. An Elite Jonin who excels in Taijutsu. Don't separate or he'll single us out with bursts of speed!" A land of rivers ninja said pulling further from our captain as the other ninja's took steps back and huddled near him.
Chakra flooded to my eyes, the standardized colors morphing into different shades of white, black, grey, and red.
"If he's an elite Jonin then that means this is one of Konoha's elite starter teams. The kids should be highly valuable. If we can take a hostage we could trade it to destroy the lumber."
"Plotting to snatch one of my pupils in front of me? You guys are BOLD."
The green of Gai-sensei's jumpsuit bent into a line, my eyes barely capable of tracing his outline despite unlocking the third tomoe.
A ninja's hands flew together, but before making a proper hand-sign, their body broke apart like a firework flinging red gore and bones behind him, Gai's fist sailing through the body like scorching metal through a hunk of butter.
"Does anyone else have the bright idea of snatching my pupils?"
"Tengu formation!" a foreign ninja announced.
While they were skittering together, Sensei took another down in the blink of an eye, their body launched like a projectile out of a cannon into a modest hardwood tree. Their body wrapped around the tree and snapped like a toothpick.
He's insanely fast! Is this really the standard for elite-Jounin instructors?! I don't know if anyone I ever saw in my whole entire clan moved that fast. Probably Shisui-san… and maybe Itachi? Gai-sensei is as good as generational Uchiha talents like them? He can't be can he?!
The enemy Shinobi who was likely the leader of the group snapped at the ninja to his side who quickly moved in front of the person giving commands. The commander wrapped his arms around his ally holding a kunai out as if he intended on killing him.
Poof.
The enemy ninja vanished, a thin veneer of smoke replaced him. From within the cloud I could make out a white haired girl - It was Mina.
No! If she's there then…
I spun around catching the form of the substituted ninja making his full speed approach.
The Chakra behind my eyes leaked out catching the man in a genjutsu.
He was helpless, at least for the time being.
Without the time to think, my hands instinctively came together by ingrained muscle memory.
Horse - Tiger - [Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu]
The flame sailed over the defenseless buffoon. Unable to escape the torrent of fire, his skin ignited and seared like a cooking bug. The skin charred black, the man falling to the grass catching surrounding dried leaves ablaze in the process.
My attention shot back to the ongoing action, back to the others of my squad in terms of priority, so back to Mina.
The commander held Mina in a firm grasp, his kunai flashed across her delicate skin stopping only before reaching her carotid artery.
Whatever happens, that Kunai won't be able to strike a fatal wound so easily.
Still an inch or less away from her throat, the kunai reflected rays from the beaming sun. The commander's animalistic eyes promised the extra inch was next if anyone made a move, but those same fearsome eyes rolled up and into the back of his head. Upon further inspection, A crimson stained spike crowned through the top of his skull right out his head. Blood and greymatter poured down his forehead like a fountain, his legs giving way beneath him dragging his body to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
The kunai slipped further while the dead ninja took his dive to the earth, but a white exoskeleton shielded her vital spot from being sliced.
"NINJA-SAN!" one of the bandits shouted, his voice tinged in disbelief.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Mina exclaimed. The same girlish figure who had scored a killing blow on the enemy commander already had her hands clasped into the clone seal.
She must have brought her hands into the seal while my back was turned to her. Impressive reactions.
Four clones appeared on the field rushing towards the bandits who seemed stunned their ninja contemporaries had all been slain in the blink of an eye.
The four clones form split apart making way for convergent bone spears lancing out encircling the bandits even as several tried to make a run for it.
Several of the bandits dropped their weapons and raised their hands into the air with fear evident on their faces, but a spiteful bandit threw out multiple shuriken towards my position. I managed to deflect them all with my kunai in hand with ease.
The bandits were caught in Mina's makeshift bone prison. Her lips pulled back exposing her teeth.
"Still mean to attack my team after your Ninja's were taken down? Are your heads empty?! Maybe if I crack them open and look inside I'll have my answer." She said, her voice as cold as I ever heard it.
"Wait." Gai-sensei commanded, but it was too late, her arm was already extended with her palm out. Chunks of bones bulleted out of her hand ripping apart the caged prisoners. The bone fragments ripped through most of the enemies flesh. The impact destinations were nearly all vital areas. Streaks of blood squirted out into the air splattering and staining the ground a goopy thick red. Lives were extinguished with extreme prejudice at the whim of the Hyuga genius.
She turned around to Gai-sensei, her face devoid of any emotion despite the faintest lingering traces of her buried anger.
"I'm sorry Sensei. At least I made sure to leave a couple so we could interrogate them for information."
"If they were already trapped, why would you kill them?"
"A smaller number would strain our resources less and be more manageable. I was keeping in mind mission efficiency and success."
The scene I bore witness to combined with the matter of fact way she tried to play off her slaughter left the hair on my neck standing on end.
She really was different.
The charred flesh of the Ninja I killed had a horrendous stench.
It dawned on me that I had taken my first life… but Mina had to have taken like, what 14? It's not like I hesitated, I knew what had to be done and my body followed my instructions. Not perfectly, my heart wasn't fully in it, so the power of the fireball didn't reach maximum potential, but it snuffed out a life all the same. Still, there was no restraint in her at all. She took many lives all without batting an eye, without my sharingan catching a single hint of remorse.
My stomach was heavy thinking about my kill, but she on the other hand appeared quite pleased with herself resting a hand on her chin and nodding at her handywork.
Can I… Can I really be her equal? Are we too different? How can I even emulate something like that, something that comes natural to her like boiling down lives to mission statistics without any prior experience. How many ninja's started off that way? Wasn't there some sort of period most ninja needed to acclimate to it? She was always all or nothing. She was a switch, she was either on or off.
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
(Mina POV)
All of my teammates after our engagement seemed to treat me differently. Lee was quiet, which was quite unusual for him, and it didn't help he kept staring at me like I was a carnival entertainer.
"If he's bothering you, I can go hit him." Sasuke said.
"No, he's fine. Don't worry about it."
I had demonstrated to them our difference. Unlike Sasuke and Lee who rounded out the team, I was already baptized by combat.
Sasuke had known I've killed sentient animals in the summoning realm, so it wasn't as big of a shock to him as it was to lee. All in all, It wasn't that big of a deal to be honest, but those were supposed to be my first human kills, and although I had already taken human lives selfishly for no other reason than to better my own position, it didn't make me superior to either of them. It was easier to respond to conflict with unfettered decisiveness, but I suspected neither of them would have trouble with that after more experience came under their belts.
Gai-Sensei was busy collecting information from the captives, and my two clones I left with the logistics team over by the parked ATL were still guarding them waiting for our return.
To my surprise, after the tension from combat drained from my body, my hands began to tremble.
I pulled them behind me before checking to see if Sasuke noticed, his eyes locked on me as I went to check.
My cheeks burned hot like a fire. I turned my head away from him with a tinge of embarrassment.
"Are you alright?"
"Of Course! I'm perfectly fine, it's just all my excitement all caught up to me after the combat finished is all… But uhh, can… you just keep this between us please?"
He leaned over squirreling his arm behind me resting a hand on top of mine.
"Heh, If that's what you want brat."
My stomach got a little queasy and fluttery. It's like If I was flying and then dove in altitude.
"Mhm. Thank you." I quipped.
My heartbeat hastened, but only enough for me to pick up on it.
He leaned over "You know, I thought you were completely unaffected by your first human kill, but your secret is safe with me."
Shit, that's what he thinks this is? Now he's going to think I'm some weakling. But I guess it's better than him knowing this is a recurring problem of mine. I need to overcome this before it becomes a serious issue.
His hand lifted up off mine returning back to his side to my dejection.
I scooted over in front of him tilting my head back shaking it gently. My hair swayed in front of him for a moment before I asked: "Run your fingers through my hair a little bit?"
"Why? Do you have blood in your hair?"
"No… I beat you in our last spar, so I want my reward is all."
"What? I never agreed to that. You made that condition up all on your own to make me look bad in front of Sensei."
Does he think that's the only reason I said that? He's so dense.
"... So is that a no?"
"..."
Pulling my body up off the ground, I turn around with a frown. "Fine. I bet Lee would do it for me if I ask. Hmph!"
As I made to walk off, something caught my wrist stopping me from leaving.
"Grrrr…" I heard behind me. When I turned around he was avoiding eye contact while biting his bottom lip. "Kay, I'll do it." He whispered.
Eagerly I dropped back to my butt. My mouth muscles were tense from the big grin that was hidden from him. I leaned back tilting my chin up to the sky.
A light tug jerked my head back making me stiffen my neck.
"Aaaaahh."
I shut my eyes in blissful serenity.
I'd never admit it to anyone, but I am putty in his hands. He is my kryptonite; he makes me weak. As long as I have Izuna, maybe that weakness isn't a compromising risk. Juggling my many masks becomes plain exhausting, and having someone I can be real with… even if those opportunities are becoming more rare these days, is still priceless.
"You should be more careful. I can't believe you were just in a position you could have died. Are you sure you're fine?"
"Aww, your so cute worrying about me-"
A forceful tug on my bunched up hair in his grasp snapped my head back.
"-Hey!" I complained.
"I'm serious. I'm excited to have achieved my first kill and all, but It's still a bit disturbing and I wasn't the one in any real danger. How are you doing?"
"Look," I held up my hands over my shoulder so he could see. "They are steady as a rock now. I was always in control of the situation, and besides, legends never die."
I got lucky. The trembling stopped the moment I calmed down due to Sasuke's fingers gliding through my locks.
"Your right… but people do. Keep that in mind."
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
Our three captives were restrained and boarded onto the ATL with us as we prepared to take off again.
The black soot covering the floor grinded underfoot, the steam engines blaring roar drowned out everything else.
Lee was calming down a bit returning to his typical self as the rig crawled forward over the terrain back towards our destination. He approached me bringing his mouth to within a foot of my ear.
"SENSEI WAS AWESOME OUT THERE RIGHT? THINK HE'LL TEACH ME THAT TECHNIQUE OF HIS?"
"YOU WON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU ASK HIM. DON'T HURT TO TRY."
"-WHAT?"
"TRY AND ASK HIM." I tried again this time louder.
"-OH. YEAH I'M PLANNING ON IT!"
I nodded my head and slinked over to the back exit and out the door.
I shook my head vigorously trying to gain back some clarity while my ears were still ringing from the noise of the locomotive.
A creak alerted me to someone else exiting the cockpit behind me, but my chakra sense had returned enough that telling who it was wasn't difficult.
"Heading back to the position on the chain?" I asked.
"Mhmm…" Sasuke hummed.
Gazing up into the endless shining sky, at its cloudless beauty. Admiring the temperature and weather was a no brainer. Flight conditions were ideal.
Biting into the soft flesh of the back of my thumb between joints and drawing blood , I ran it over the tattooed contract on my arm with practiced and graceful fluidity.
Boar - Dog - Bird - Monkey - Ram. [Summoning Jutsu]
My palm struck the ground, black webbing extending outward from contact and a puff of smoke materializing.
"Yes master?" A voice called out from the cloud.
The cloud dissipated rapidly with a single flap of wings sending a moderate gust down. The air caught my blouse almost pulling it up before I gripped it tucking it behind the elastic waistband of my pants.
Felkar stood proudly before me, and as I made another pass over him with my eyes, I could tell he was flexing so he would look his best.
"Doing some aerial reconnaissance?" Sasuke asked.
"Yep. Just gonna go make sure there aren't any more creeps around right quick. I won't wander off too far."
"Summon me one."
"Hey there kid. Don't make commands to my-" Felrick started before I bopped him on the head.
"Quiet. Don't interrupt me and my allies. That's rude." I said before turning back to Sasuke. "It's a bit too soon for you to think you can just hop on the back of one of my eagles. You're gonna need some practice first."
"Haw-haw-haw. Hear that kid? Ow-" He finished as I knocked him upside his head again.
"-What did I just finish saying?" I said, shaking my head.
Sasuke scoffed leaping to the next trailer in a huff.
"Wait up," I said. "Just because you can't ride your own mount doesn't mean you can't participate in some aerial reconnaissance."
My lips curled into a grin seeing the cogs spin in his head.
With a firm kick off the platform, I stretched my legs apart and landed eloquently on my summons back. Patting the feathers behind me, I invited the Uchiha aboard.
The temptation was evident by how his face scrunched together in thought, but something was holding him back from outright accepting the offer.
"Hn."
"Better capitalize on opportunities when they arrive. Since you 'helped' me out earlier, I'm feeling generous now."
He hates feeling indebted, so putting it this way seems like this is a reward instead of a favor.
He paused for a few extra moments before nodding, a spark alighting within his eyes.
"Since your adamant." He said making his way back and taking his place behind me on Felrick's back.
"Eh - Watch where you're putting your feet kid."
"You'd think he was actually a cat by how much he acts like a pussy," I said.
"HEH!" Sasuke snorted.
Reaching behind me without looking, I felt around finding his arms in haste.
"Erm?"
I pulled them out and in front of me without much resistance then crossed them across my waist.
"You'd better hold onto me tight. There's no saddle and nothing to grab on except me."
My grin on my face pulled wider.
This was the first time Sasuke ever brought up flying, and the first time I'd bring him with me into the sky. My stomach was doing flips just imagining it.
I already loved being in the sky, and now having Sasuke along for the ride clinging to me in desperation? I bet that brings it to a whole 'nother level!
As a precaution I bound my ankles together with calcified bone keeping me from being flung off and more importantly securing Sasuke's handhold, me.
Worst case scenario, If he got thrown off somehow, catching him shouldn't be a problem. I was an experienced rider and had experimented with the transformation jutsu enough to have that as my last resort.
I pulled on Felkar's feathers jutting out from his nape up and towards me. The takeoff command was understood and executed without delay. The flaps of his wings forced us upward but more sluggish than typical.
The added weight resistance made ascension slower, but progress was progress. We crowned over the canopy of the surrounding trees into the vast and open sky.
Up, up, and up we went. Reaching out to touch the heavens with mortal flesh. As our altitude increased, Sasuke's grip became tighter and less pliable.
"Ready?" I asked leaning forward and pulling my summons nape feathers away from me.
I didn't wait for a response because it didn't warrant one. After all, it was rhetorical.
Felkar dipped into a nosedive and we sped into rapid acceleration plummeting down to the earth. The air bent around my body, the resistance meaning to push me backwards and off the mount. Flexing my legs kept me planted stable without issue. Even experiencing this many G forces wasn't enough to knock me around.
"I pulled up and towards me sending us back up but this time in a bending crescent arc.
"FUCK! FUCK!" I heard sworn behind me.
"Hahahaha!"
We looped right back around into a dive. I pulled my two hands full of feathers taut and crossed them. Felrick's wings barely retreated from his body but it was enough to catch the wind sending us spiraling like a corkscrew.
Sasuke's fingertips dug into me through my blouse, his face pressed firm into my shoulder.
The world twisted around us
"Yo-ooooouuuuu-you're a maniac!"
"YOU WANT TO SEE MANIAC? I GOTCHU!" I screamed.
I let go of the bird extending my arms into the air.
"Aaaahhhhhhhhh!" I exclaimed.
His hands desperately explored around, maybe subconsciously searching for additional leverage. One of his hands had found its way to my chest.
One of my free hands bolted out to his hand and slid it back down to my waist in the midst of the chaos.
"-NO! GRA-AAAAAHHHHH-STOP! GRAB IT BACK, GRAB IT BACK!"
MY CHEST?!
My heart raced like Usain Bolt on cocaine. No, like a speeding bullet.
THUMP THUMP THUMP.
"GRAB THE FUCKING REINS!"
Ohhhh… of course that's what he meant. Duh.
Reaching back with a two handed snatch I grasped the 'reins' and steadied us out into a smooth glide.
"Your INSANE. How can this even be considered reconnaissance?!"
"Oh come on. I'm just having some fun. You didn't like that?"
"I thought I was going to die!"
I flicked my neck whipping my hair into his face.
"Pssshhht - I won't let you die silly. Even If you let go, I would definitely catch you. You're too important to me . . . Wait, I mean we're partners in crime, so I won't let you bail on me so easily. Yeah."
Oh my gosh. I'm so caught up in the moment that I'm blabbering.
He resituated himself scooting back up away from me trying to distance himself.
"Are we just going to brush past the part you openly admitted you aren't even scouting."
Why is he like this? Is physical contact with me really that bad? Is it because I'm unappealing?
"You always have your panties in a twist over something. If you can't find a way to enjoy the moment now, what makes you think you'll ever enjoy yourself? Are you going to pretend to be some stoic badass so long you forget who you were in the first place? You don't have to put up a front for me."
"..."
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Another day, another generous contribution to the 'Mina's always right foundation.'"
A flare of pain appeared under my arm on my tricep. I craned my neck back thinking he wanted my attention.
His black glossy locks were swept back streaming like ribbons glistening in the sun. His eyes were cold and detached. He wasn't even in this moment. He's lost somewhere in the future in his head.
I liked him better when he was shouting at me for the reckless flying. At least he was present. Why is that so rare for him?
"The other day you said you weren't always right." He said after a long pause shifting his gaze to the side.
"Your intent on killing this for me aren't you?"
"Hn."
Why do I even get my hopes up in the first place. All he wants me for is something to sharpen himself on. If that's not me he'll just find someone else… The harder I try to convince him I'm special, the harder he seems to send me the message that I'm not. I know I used to treat him like a tool, but why does he always treat me like that? It's like he's always asking 'Are you worthy of me?'
I gripped the nape feathers tighter in my grasp in frustration.
"Whose right more of the time between us? You or me?"
"..."
He never cracks. His guard is always up against me. Why? Does he feel betrayed by me somehow? Does he know about the puppet? About the kidnappings? … No that's impossible. He just doesn't have the time to care about me, because he's always focused on himself.
"Now I'm not telling you 'don't think for yourself', but to truly contemplate about what I say. Believe it or not, your interests are basically as important to me as my interests. So, like I said before, when I tell you to chill the fuck out, it's probably really good advice."
"...Alright, This time, you win."
The corners of my lips pinched up into a halfhearted smile.
I win huh? How long do I have to keep winning for you to look at me?
"...Yeah? How did those words taste coming out?"
"Like ash in my mouth."
I bursted into laughter. The sincerity of his response was perfect.
"Hahahaha! For a second I thought maybe you were scared of heights, but I guess you just needed to be coaxed out of your shell, huh?"
Nobody is perfect. I'll keep winning for as long as I need to. I know I don't deserve him, that I don't deserve happiness. That's never stopped me from fighting against the current before. From waging war in an uphill battle so to speak. I know what I want out of life, and the only person keeping me from them is me. I can do anything… I have to. Each of my failures is a lesson, I use it as a guide to bring me closer for next time. To always get a little bit closer. To rise to the heights of the apex that kisses the cusp of perfection. The journey isn't done until you're dead, and then even after that here I am. Striving for perfection.
"Shut up and fly already." He said gripping onto me tightly again.
It's like his touch raises my body temperature. With him I feel warm.
"Alright, here goes something!" Slapping the 'reins' forward pulling us into another dive.
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
(Sasuke POV)
Felrick's talons clanged against the metal platform, our inertia carried the giant bird forward for several steps until coming to a complete stop.
"So basically you tug the feathers whatever way you want to go. That's the look of it anyways."
"Eh… I guess simplified that's the just of it. That's not really how the more advanced maneuvers I've created work, but as a beginner that's a good way to think about it. Do you want to start practicing to ride?"
Being able for us to get to the point to both ride mounts separately will increase versatility and diversity in our available tactics. If we are going to succeed in rising to the same level as S ranked shinobi, we can't afford to take the same route as everyone else. We have to do excessive preparation to get excessive results.
People can train their entire life and never reach S rank. Mina makes a good point when she says stuff like that.
Once you hear it once it becomes my common sense. I can wonder how I never saw it that way before. Like I'm an idiot that will always be chasing after her back. Just goes to show that everything for her is like common sense. Like she was programmed with different instincts than everyone else.
"Mhmm, I think it would be a good idea."
"Yeah, but I could just fly you around. Doesn't that sound fun too?" She said smirking and nudging me in the gut with an elbow.
"In your dreams brat."
"Awww. Was riding with me really that bad? You seemed to be REALLY enjoying it there at the end."
There she goes again. There's not even anyone here. Who is she putting on a show for?
"Must've been your imagination."
"Why are you always so mean? Do you not appreciate all the effort I put in for you?"
"What I don't appreciate is you always pretending to have the answer."
"Pretending?!"
Her shoulders slumped forward.
Maybe this is an opportunity to probe for information.
I decided that since Mina wasn't very forthcoming with her thoughts, that I would get to the bottom of them a little at a time. Each reaction and idea of hers would be broken down to be analyzed.
What was important isn't necessarily what she says or does, but her intentions. If I can read and understand her intentions, I'll know how to get ahead.
If I solve her intentions, she'll never be able to be a step ahead of me again.
"Yeah. You can't trick me like you trick everyone else. I know half the time your making it up as you're going along. Don't get me wrong, It's impressive how resourceful and creative you are, but don't preach that stuff at me like you've got it all figured out. Your younger than me, younger than pretty much anyone who could challenge you either intellectually or physically. You don't really expect me to sit there and believe your knowledge is more complete than everyone else's do you?!" I said gauging her reaction.
"Someone's age does not reflect their knowledge, and by the same token, someone's knowledge doesn't reflect their age either... in front of anyone else, I would tell them that my knowledge wouldn't be surpassed, and that I couldn't possibly lose…"
She paused, turning from side to side like she was checking to make sure there wasn't anyone else around.
"But with you I'll be honest, because you're special." She said opening up her arms as she started talking explaining it with her hands like she was trying to sell me something. "There are plenty of people that are more wise and talented than me. Plenty with a deeper knowledge of things especially outside my areas of expertise, which are pretty narrow. I might stumble a few times, but I always try to think things through."
"I know you always think things through. That's one of my favorite qualities about you." I said.
"Yeah, trust me, I know... But yeah, I act with confidence even If im not because if the people around me can believe in me and not spend any of their effort into doubting what I say, I think the results are on average phenomenally better than if I were honest, upfront, and indecisive."
"What results do you want out of me? What is going on behind the scenes that I can't see? Can't we solve things by talking it out instead of you playing me some superficial tune to get me to dance to. You are not superior to me and I won't let you act like you are."
"Look at the damn pot calling the kettle black. Do you hear yourself? Are you even here right now? Do you know how hypocritical that is coming out of your mouth?" She shrieked throwing her hands up and stomping around.
"Where do you think I learned it from?" folding my arms together determined to hold my ground.
It became silent besides the chugging of the engine. I could see the black smoke turning and twisting up and away out of the chimney. The silence was long and uncomfortable. I was starting to wonder if there was even a bedrock to her thoughts.
Maybe they are so deep I can never fathom them.
"As long as I can remember I've had the goal to approach everything like a scholar," She started. "To understand. That's always been one of my biggest goals. I have a need to gain control. If I don't feel in control, I'm anxious. If I'm not in control, then I'm at everyone else's mercy. While I have control, I still have a say, I still have a chance to do something. I can still change the outcome of things. That's why If I don't understand something, I work tirelessly until I get closer to understanding. At least to understand the situation better than those around me so I can be a leader, so I can bend whatever situation to my favor... and I want to bend whatever situation to your favor too."
"Why? Just because we're friends? Because then I'll owe you favors myself and you can win in the end? Don't misunderstand, I understand that you work hard, but now you're going to try to say all that false confidence was for MY benefit? Everything you've done for me also benefited you. It pisses me off that you pretend everything you do is actually for me. Do you think that shit you do on everyone else really works on me?" I said.
My mouth clenched together harder.
She is so infuriating!
"I-I… Okay at the start, sure, I was really just looking out for myself and only me. I'm not going to lie. But that's not at all how it is anymore. You make me want to be even better. But 'better' is never good enough. I always fall short of my expectations. Again and again. It feels like I'm running on a treadmill and going nowhere!"
"What is a... treadmill?"
Her eyes flicked all the way open trying to jump out of her head or something. She dropped to her knees, her hands clenching long bunches of strands of her hair as she pulled them.
If she pulls like that, she might actually rip her hair out. Is she REALLY THAT MAD?"
"-Like someone's holding my head underwater and all I want to do is breath. I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!" She gasped.
She coughed but quickly went back to her rant.
"... No - I hate myself. I know how inadequate I am without you always second guessing me! That I'm a fraud and you're always looking for me to slip up. I try, and I try, and I try, and I try. I don't know what you want from me! I thought you wanted me to make you stronger, but despite all the results I got for you, you're never content with it. I thought you wanted someone you could be real with, that you could confide in me when necessary, but you abandoned that a long time ago. I even thought maybe that you'd take a hint and console me when I'M SUFFERING. I've almost died. I don't know how many times I lucked out and escaped death by a hair's width. I've lived through misery you can't imagine - okay? I can't even get out of live combat anymore without my fucking hands shaking. I'm pathetic. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now that I told you the truth?! Was it that important for me to admit I don't have it all figured out? That no matter how hard I try I'll never have the best method, or the fastest method, or even the most consistent method. That I don't have all the answers? ... I don't see anyone else trying as hard as I do, I'm so tired of trying. Sometimes I wonder why I keep going. What really propels me forward. I don't know anymore. It doesn't matter that I don't know though. I keep on trying anyways. doesn't that count for something? Does it even matter to you? IDIOT!"
Tears streamed out the corners of her eyes and down her rosy cheeks. There was without a doubt no filter between what she was feeling and what she was saying. This is what I thought I wanted. This is exactly what I was searching for. But I never expected her to give it to me.
I was blindsided. I didn't see that coming AT ALL.
I can't explain it. Staring into her eyes, I can tell there's still so much I don't know about her. After all the time we've spent together, my understanding of her is still desperately incomplete.
By comparison, her understanding of me is leagues ahead of mine for her.
I wished she could just share, but every time I tried bluntly asking for that kind of stuff she would find a way to avoid it.
It 'was' always an unnecessarily complicated challenge to have to figure out. She 'was' such a pain in that way.
As time went on, the task of figuring her out became more and more enjoyable. If I asked myself and I was being genuine, I could call it an addiction.
Whenever I find myself idle, she finds a way to sneak into my head uninvited. She's a puzzle made specifically not to be solved. Because of the intelligence and intention behind her, of course it would be impossible to complete such a puzzle in a sitting or even a few sittings. I'd come back and try to figure out what pieces go where. Id make predictions. I'd hit walls. I'd have small breakthroughs, only enough to get a sense of where the next piece could go.
What was I expecting when I pressed about her superficial arrogance? In all honesty I expected firm resistance. I expected to have to pressure and keep pressuring her to get anything to get to the bedrock of her thoughts. She guards that kind of information fiercely. Have I ever seen her give it out for free?
I doubt it… Everything with her was like an exchange, she would give, but she would find a way she could take at the same time. She would find a way to make sure she came out ahead in the exchange like a savvy cut-throat merchant. So where did this come from?
Her fracturing like this and telling me everything that was on her mind, It was not within my calculations. I would go as far to say it was unforeseeable.
It didn't make sense.
A memory resurfaced from my mind. When she informed me that Danzo was the true orchestrator of my family's massacre. When everything that I knew was put into question. How lost I was. During that time, she acted as a foundation to latch myself onto. I was grateful, but whenever I thought back to it I was ashamed of my actions. I was embarrassed having needed her consolation. I told myself that I wouldn't need it again.
Is… that what brought us here? I stopped relying on her and she began questioning her competency? Did I make her question her value to me?
She always grounded me and I acted thankless.
I figured she'd understand, but how could she if I never spent any effort to show her? Never spent any effort to tell her.
I'm a conceited bastard to overlook that perhaps she would want the same thing she offered me. That all along what she wanted was for me to support her the way she supported me.
Why couldn't I just show her I appreciated it a little? It's not like It would have killed you Sasuke!
She had me consumed in my head. Conflicted. I didn't know what I was going to say, and I was flooded with emotions from my shattered expectations.
I always saw her as that extra step ahead of me. As a rival to help serve my goals. As someone I had to prove my worth to because of my own feelings of inadequacy.
How could I have overlooked that she could have felt the same way all this time? My selfish exploitation of her must be the root cause of all this.
It's so obvious now that I look back. I can benefit from hindsight now if I consider that her pushiness was a way of crying for help in the most dignified manor she could.
How else can a prideful girl like her ask for help. She never could be straight with me with those intentions until I finally broke away her last piece of pride.
I guess she clung to the idea that she had it all together and had the answers because that's all she had left. I was emotionally detached and that was her final place of refuge. When that crumbled, she was finally left exposed with nowhere to retreat to.
I'm an idiot. I thought that admitting my necessity of her would be equivalent to becoming one of those creeps who obsess over the opposite gender like in all the stories. That she was trying to assert herself over me like a master breaking a hound. I've had it wrong all along. She did all that because she thought that's what I wanted? It's all starting to make sense. The countless holes I could never fill was because the pieces around it I thought fit never did. My ill conceived assumptions are what brought us here. The last thing I wanted was to actually hurt her.
I didn't truly believe I could hurt her. I had placed her subconsciously on a pedestal and forced her to live up to my idea of her. That's so messed up. I have to try to fix this. I have to try to tell her how I feel.
I dropped to my knees wrapping her up in my arms. I tried my best to remember back to when she consoled me. Maybe she gave me exactly what she wanted at the time. If that's what she wanted, I can give it back to her. I can imitate how she consoled me.
Retrieving the memory wasn't difficult, but the specifics were a little fuzzy.
It felt like ages ago.
In her sobbing mess she tried to push me off. Her attempts were weak and halfhearted. I doubled down wrapping her up tighter.
"I'm so sorry Mina."
I cradled her neck, stroking my hand down her back. I could feel the tears seeping into the fabric of my shirt. My chest was getting moist and my shirt was sticking to it as she drove her face into me choking for air in between hardy sobs.
"You are absolutely right, I'm an idiot. I've been selfish, completely absorbed in myself. I obviously knew you weren't perfect, but in my head you were this untouchable, unhurtable, self reliant badass. I was jealous of you because of how put together you seemed."
"And now you know I'm not. That I'm like everyone else. That I'm trash with barely passable talent. I'm pathetic. Do you hate me now? Well I guarantee you don't hate me as much as I hate myself - So HAHAHaa-gha!"
Her last laugh petered out into sobs again. She slumped over wailing into my neck lightly hitting me with her fists.
"No, I don't hate you. You're amazing. I hate myself for being so naive that I missed so many crucial things. I hate that I couldn't read your intentions until it came to this. That I never told you how important you are to me, or how thankful I am that you're there for me like all the time. That all along I thought you were trying to mess with me. That you were trying to manipulate me into your dog or something. I completely misunderstood. I'm a horrible friend that abandoned you in your time of need when you were always there for me." I said.
"You're… You're just saying that. You don't even know who I am. I've done things that are irredeemable. If you really knew how twisted I was, you'd leave me like everyone else. Why wouldn't you? I think just because I have a little brains and some fighting talent that makes it okay to treat people like my pawns. I tried to treat you like a pawn, and when I realized that I didn't want you as a pawn anymore. That I wanted you for real. That-that you and what you thought were more important to me than anything else, when I decided that it was too late. You kept me away and treated me like a monster, after that I knew I totally deserved it. I know how to use people, but I apparently don't know how to love. It figures that you'd be just as clueless and self absorbed as me. I don't deserve any better."
"I don't like it when you talk bad about yourself. At one point, I probably would have loved it. I guess that's why people tell you to be careful what you wish for. Because now that you're really doing it, it hurts. There's a lot of good things about you. My mother told me one time that all of us have both a shadow and a light inside us. I knew you had a shadow, but you always shined so bright that it was easy to forget about. I like how you think, how pragmatic and systematic your thoughts are. How you always tried to make sure you came out on top in the end. I wanted to be like that too. In a sense, I modeled myself off what I thought were your very best traits. That's what made it so hard and confusing when I realized that you treated me differently. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why. Was it because I was more valuable in your eyes because of my strength? Because I was a little quicker to pick up on things than the other people around us? It always bugged me, but I was too blind to figure out the truth when it was right in front of my face," I said.
Spending no time at all, I lead into the rest of what I needed to say.
"I'm not going to take you for granted anymore. I'm going to build you up instead of trying to tear you down from now on, I promise. Nobody is more important to me than you are, and I know I fucked up… alot… like really bad. Telling you how sorry I am, and I am very sorry by the way, would never be enough to atone for my mistakes. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. It always bothered me how you called me loser, but now that I have a better grasp on what you meant by that and what you want and need as a whole, I can't think of a more accurate name. I'll always be your loser."
She pulled her face out of my chest, her eyes barely open, Her lips were trembling. I could see how much effort it was taking to compose herself even that much.
My chest seared. A gut wrenching pain like my heart was being strangled. My lungs couldn't pull in any air. Asphyxiation was in my future if I stayed like this much longer. My inner turmoil was wreaking havoc so even my body was dysfunctional.
"You mean it? If I have to do or have done things that other people see as evil, you can still believe in me? Even if the whole world turns against me, I can count on you to be at my side?"
I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
"Of Course. Like I said, I'm your loser, and you'll be my brat as long as you can stand me."
The sun broke through the storm. Her eyes pinched together, her mouth pulled into a smile.
Thump Thump Thump.
She chuckled. Her laugh was a glorious melody lifting my spirit from the depths of despair.
"Oh yeah? I bet I could stand you waaaaay longer than you could stand me… Um, this is kind of random, but I want to get it off my chest while I'm thinking about it..."
"What is it. I'm here to listen."
Anything. I'll listen to anything she has to say and I won't complain.
"Remember that time where I fell asleep with you in your compound?"
"I thought we both agreed that never happened?" I said before thinking.
"Okay... but ever since THAT ONE TIME THAT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED, I've been thinking... I liked it and want to do it again."
"You want to…" I started before derping out, my cheeks getting hot and I started stuttering. "Yo-Y-You-"
She's really not holding anything back. It's like a damn ruptured and there was no going back. Her emotions she held close to herself, her desires, her insecurities. Everything was open to me.
"If we're being open and honest right now, I like you. I don't care what anyone else thinks, curling up with you makes me happy… and warm. And as masochistic as I think I probably am, I really like being warm and happy…"
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
A/N: I've found myself back in the gym with renewed determination. Kobe's death hit me hard, he was more of a role model to me than my own father. I followed both his career and his life because it always seemed to me that he had something figured out the rest of us were missing. He wasn't perfect, and he made his fair share of mistakes, but from each of them he gained wisdom and made it his mission to gift that wisdom to the rest of the world through his games, inspirational talks, public appearances, and he even fucked around 'n won an emmy with his animated short 'Dear Basketball'. If any of you are feeling lost, without a path to take you to your goals, or find yourself without any true goals, I highly recommend you to look up: "Kobe Bryant inspirational speech" on YouTube and watch some of the search results.
Long live the Black Mamba.
Well, I guess that's enough of praising Kobe for the time being, When I asked last chapter what your opinions on the romantic B plot between Sasuke and Mina were, an OVERWHELMING MAJORITY admitted that you guys liked it. It's hard to let my readers down when I know what you want, so I'm here to provide. Next Chapter will be mostly A plot material furthering the current Mission (Arc). Let me know how I did this chapter, and how authentic these character interactions felt with the knowledge that each character has been shaped differently thanks to the changes in narrative in this Naruto-verse. Thank you readers, without you I wouldn't have a platform to be heard.
Reviewer Question: - Who do you look up to for inspiration? Who convinces you that you want to live your life to be a better version of yourself, or the best version of yourself, and why?
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