The day of this chapter's publication is May 25th, which is the same day the big concert in Toronto happened in the movie! So happy 4*Town Day!
The cold rain spattered down on the ground. Despite the chill, it was somewhat inviting, as if to say, "come sit with me and I'll wash your troubles away".
Z sat at the front steps, letting the rain drench him. He was deep in contemplation.
Who really was he? Once you take away the band's influence, what's left? Was he really just "4*Town's best dancer" and that's it?
Come on, there had to be more than just that.
But what? That's the million dollar question here.
"Z?"
Z jumped a bit and turned around. Tae-young was standing in the door with a concerned look on his face. "What are you doing out here?"
"I don't know, man, I just…don't feel like myself." Z massaged the bridge of his nose.
"Come inside." Tae-young tugged on Z's arm. "It's freezing out here, you're gonna get sick."
Z sighed and let Tae-young pull him into the house. The two of them went back upstairs, and after toweling off, Z curled back up into bed, while Tae-young sat on the other side. "Why don't you feel like yourself?"
Z sighed. "I don't know. I…I feel like I don't know who I am outside the band. I mean, I don't even really have my own name."
Tae-young's face fell a little bit. He crawled over and laid his head on Z's shoulder. "Well, you're…cool, y'know? You always stay calm when things are going wrong. And you're really good at basketball. Oh, and you're always really sarcastic."
He furrowed his brow a bit. "But then again, so is Jesse. And Robaire, sometimes. Not as much as you and Jesse, but like, when he gets annoyed at T or someone."
Z clenched his jaw and averted eye contact. He looked like he was going to cry.
"Hey…" Tae-young moved to his side and cuddled closer to Z. Z's face crumpled, and he held on tightly to Tae-young.
"Robaire does this with me when I'm upset at night," said Tae-young softly. "What are five things you can see?"
Z was confused for a moment, but looked around. "You, the door, the bed, the blankets, and the ceiling."
"Okay," said Tae-young, "four things you can feel."
Z pursed his lips. "You holding onto me, the pillow under my head, the blanket on top of me, and…" He scratched his head. "An itch on my scalp."
"Alright," said Tae-young, "three things you can hear."
"Your voice." Tae-young noticed that Z was very blunt with his answers. "The rain outside. And the electricity buzzing."
Tae-young yawned, but he had to at least stay awake for the last two. "Two things you can smell."
"Bro, it's three in the morning, there's nothing in here with a smell."
"Yeah, I know," said Tae-young. "No one gets that one. Okay, one more, one thing you can taste."
Z laid a little further back. "The aftertaste from dinner, still."
Tae-young put an arm around Z. "We love you, Aaron. No matter who you are."
Dammit, Tae, why do you have to be so cute? Z buried his face in the smaller boy's cinnamon roll hair. Somehow, he just had a way of brightening up everyone else's day without even trying. And soon the two both drifted off to sleep, both feeling much better about themselves.
The next morning, when the sun rose, T stumbled out of bed and poked his head into Z's room to find him curled up with Tae-young. "Aw, lookit you, Z, you big ol' softie."
Z blinked sleepily and swabbed at his nose. "Yeah. The little fella decided to cozy up with be for the dight."
Tae-young yawned and rubbed his eyes. He looked up, and grinned when he saw T. T slid onto the bed next to Z. "Come on, share the bear."
Tae-young glommed onto T, who held him in a gentle headlock and noogied him. Z sat up, and before he could join their play-wrestling, he sniffled and sneezed. The two younger guys looked over at him. "See, I told ya you were gonna get sick sitting out in the rain, you dolt," said Tae-young indignantly.
"Why were you sitting in the rain?" T cocked his head.
Z shook his head. "I wasd't feelig super great about byself last dight. I'b okay dow, but I thig the raid gave be a chill."
"I guess you could say it sent chills down your spine," joked T. He tugged on Z's arm. "Come on, we'll go make you some cocoa."
The three of them went downstairs to the kitchen, where T put the kettle on to warm up some water for cocoa. Tae-young reached over and squeezed Z's hand. "You sure you're okay?"
Z looked around the room. Before him, he had the adorable one, who worked overtime making everyone else feel better about themselves. And over there was the goofball, who could make jokes out of anything.
And him? He was the cool, collected one, who always kept a level head, but was also rather shy and awkward. Of course he was his own person; there was always something about him that the other guys didn't have in common.
Blinking back into reality, Z put his hand over Tae-young's, and stroked his thumb across the smaller boy's knuckles. "Yeah."
"Alright, hot soup," said T, coming over with mugs for each of them. The three all sipped on their drinks quietly, and let the rain beat down without a care.