Despite the turmoil that took place a few hours before, Bright Noah found himself wishing the office he and his superior officer were sitting in had one of those old-fashioned mechanical wall clocks in it. Even maddening ticking would be better than the silence broken only by the quiet hissing of the air vent and the occasional rustling of uniform when either man shifted in their seat. Low gravity or not, sitting still for nearly an hour now was still uncomfortable.
To be frank, he really didn't want to be here and likely never would've been if it weren't for the war. Just one year ago he and his fellow officer cadets at the military academy were making bets on who would get promoted first if the saber-rattling between the Federation and Zeon turned hot. Half a year later, the entire class found themselves unceremoniously kicked out of the classroom with transfer papers in hand, Ensign stripes on their collars and an explanation that the Federation needs every able-bodied man and woman in the fight and as officer cadets, they at least have some command training, unlike the raw recruits they were now expected to command.
It just didn't feel real. To Bright, at least, the full weight of how bad the situation was only hit a few weeks ago when he received new orders and nearly did a double take very much unbecoming of his distant British ancestors upon realizing that he, a mere ensign with less than six months' worth of military experience, was being posted to an actual warship as its first officer. Granted, the position didn't come with an increase in rank, but still.
Luckily for him, his new superior turned out to be a former instructor who was more focused on getting the job done than on dotting every I, crossing every T and smoothing every wrinkle on the uniform. They haven't known each other very long but by now, Bright could tell that Paolo Cassius' somewhat lax professionalism of the kind that would've earned a cadet a slap to the stomach with a ruler for disrespect wasn't one of arrogance, but the relaxed calm of a veteran who knew what he was doing and trusted his subordinates to inot screw up while he wasn't looking over their shoulder.
Which is why the prospect of such a superior getting punished for what happened did not sit well with him in the slightest.
Especially not when both men flinched like schoolchildren at Wakkein's voice from next door. – "This is UNACCEPTABLE! Do you have any idea what you've done?!" – Only muffled voices could be heard for nearly a minute before another outburst came. – "I don't want to hear any excuses! If they knew about that one, they might very well know about the others! I want this done YESTERDAY!"
If such a thing as slamming open an automated sliding door was possible, Wakkein would have done it as he stormed into his office, looking just about ready to strangle someone. Luckily though, he held himself back long enough to drop himself into the chair behind his desk, burying his face in his hands and releasing a sigh more akin to someone holding the entirety of Luna II on his shoulders rather than just commanding it.
Even more luckily, by the time he looked up at the two officers on the other side of said desk, he no longer looked murderous, just very unhappy.
"Security found out how and where that son of a bitch got in." – Wakkein growled. – "If Zeon's got that kind of intel on Luna II, they're going to be sorely disappointed if they try that trick again."
"Sir." – Cassius said as he got up and stood at attention. – "I was the ranking officer on duty at the time of the infiltration. As such, I accept full responsibility for what happened."
Next to him, Bright was immediately on his feet as well. Ensign or not, he was command staff too and no way was he going to slink off into the background while his fellow officer was about to take the heat for him. – "Sir, if I may. The guard who was posted at the airlock told me that the infiltrator knew me by name. Evading security is one thing, but having up-to-date information about ship command rosters might be a sign of a deeper intelligence leak if Zeon know exactly who is in the command staff of a ship only commissioned a few weeks ago."
It sounded rather weak a defense even to him, but that was really the only defense he had. He was 100% sure he didn't personally know Char Aznable and never even met him face to face, he just couldn't prove it.
Wakkein, however, just waved them off. – "There's nothing you did wrong, either of you. That's coming straight from Jaburo."
"Then I presume you already heard back from them?" – Cassius asked.
"We alerted them to the break-in right away with ensign Noah's report attached. You two have new orders." – Wakkein pushed a tablet across his desk. – "The fact that Zeon managed to procure materials and intelligence on Project V makes it even more critical for you to deliver what's left to Jaburo without delay. As such, you're hereby ordered to move out three days hence and make a beeline straight for Earth."
"We're not in any condition to make that kind of trip." – Cassius replied as he began reading. – "Our starboard engine is just about dead in the water and attempting atmospheric entry with the hangar like this will leave us in pieces before we can even think about pulling up."
Of that, Bright had no doubt. In his youth he collected model kits of old spacecraft, one of which was a scale model of the OV-102 Columbia. Once he was old enough to look up the historical record about the real one, he never considered the idea of sitting inside a spacecraft plunging from the sky in a trail of fire to be the coolest thing ever again.
Orders were orders, however, and thinking about a possible fiery demise would at least distract him from the chill he felt down his spine at the notion of a report he wrote with this own hands about the incident being in the hands of the uppermost echelons of the Federation military.
"That's being rectified." – Wakkein declared. – "Every yard crew I can spare are now working triple shifts getting the White Base back to flight condition. Hence the three days."
"Can they finish in that time?" – Bright asked. – "If the engine breaks down halfway there-"
"Doesn't matter." – Wakkein interrupted him. – "Once the deadline's up, you'll head out regardless of repair status. Revil's orders." – He looked back at Cassius. – "Speaking of which, due to the severity of the situation, you are now authorized to make use of Project V materials in order to protect the ship and its mission. Requisition whatever technical crews you need to assemble them, get your pilots prepared, do whatever you have to do."
"Yes, sir."
"Limited losses are of course permissible, but nobody's stupid enough to think Zeon won't interfere. That being said, the fact that the Red Comet just walked in here and walked back out has some of the general staff very incensed." – Wakkein leaned forward behind his desk. – "I happen to be one of them. He humiliated all of us on a level that hasn't happened since Revil's capture at Loum. The sole reason we aren't putting a two-rank promotion bounty on his head is because Zeon propagandists would undoubtedly jump all over it." – He paused, looking both of them straight in the eye. – "We are not going to give them the satisfaction, gentlemen. What we will give them instead are a legion of mobile suits kicking in their airlocks and making those goddamned Zekes rue the day they decided to screw with the EFSF. And you-" – He pointed at the two. – "-getting the project materials to Jaburo is what will make it happen. Are we clear?"
"Very much so, sir."
"Dismissed."
As Cassius headed towards the door with Bright in tow, Wakkein called after them. – "And off the record, if you two run into Char again... no quarter. I'll take responsibility."
Bright had half a mind to object, but decided discretion was the better part of valor. He pushed his luck enough in the past 48 hours.
"That went well." – Cassius quipped once they were outside and headed back towards the docks.
"Because we aren't the ones being yelled at?"
"That too, but mostly because I was fully expecting at least one of us to walk out of that room relieved of duty, demoted, or both." – Cassius sighed. – "Jesus Christ, what a mess... I'm not sure whether that poor bastard who let Char in is lucky to have been first in line at the hangar or not. He would've been hanged for this if he'd still be in one piece."
"We have our work cut out for us."
"That we do, Bright. That we do."
"Hey."
Amuro looked up from where he was sitting in the mess hall to see Frau standing before him.
Oh. Right. They haven't talked since all this began.
"Are you alright?" – she asked, sitting down next to him.
"Fine, I just..." – His eyes fell back to his feet, the same sight he'd been gazing upon for the past hour. – "I've got a lot on my mind."
Which was nothing new. He literally hadn't had any time off where he didn't have to worry about something since... god, it felt like forever.
"What happened? The captain told me something about you fighting the enemy and being in trouble for it."
He didn't reply immediately. Everything that happened sounded so crazy to him when viewed through the eyes he had before that day in Side 7 – and he had no idea how to phrase things in the same way. It was like a whole another life, and for once he wasn't talking about... whatever he did at Axis that ended up with him here.
"...what happened?" – Frau asked again, quieter this time. – "This isn't like you. You never cared about the war like this."
For once, Amuro could actually speak his mind without trying to hide what he actually thought. – "Too many people died, Frau. I can't..." – He sighed. – "I can't keep watching this anymore. I want- no. I need to do something."
"You mean... become a soldier?"
As if he ever had any other choice. In either of his lives.
"I'm not stupid. I know I can't lead armies or command ships, even if I was an adult." – He looked up at her. – "But there is something I can do. Something the captain knows I can do. That's why I asked if I could help."
"But... you could die."
If only she knew...
"I know. But if I don't do it, someone else will have to and they might die just the same. Besides, I saw and know too many things about what my father was doing. They might let you go back to Side 7, but not me."
Frau nodded. - "I know. The captain told me before we left."
"He did?"
"He and your dad asked me about you. I think they're-"
"Worried that I might be a spy?" – Amuro finished for her. – "He already told me."
How ironic it all was, really. Back then, he didn't want to get involved in any of this, only to get roped into it time and time again by Bright who was very blatantly underqualified for his position as acting captain but who also really did have no choice in the matter if he wanted all of them to survive. Too bad Amuro didn't want to recognize that fact until it nearly tore their little motley crew apart when the others started taking issue with Bright's inability to nip Amuro's loose cannon behavior in the bud.
Now, he faced pretty much the opposite dilemma: he wanted to get involved because he knew what was coming, but was instead stonewalled with entirely sensible suspicion arising from the fact that he was, in fact, hiding something and knew much more than what he let on. The suspicious parties were just wrong about what the secret was and he couldn't alleviate their fears by simply telling them the truth.
Not that all of what he knew was going to be useful for much longer, if things kept going like this.
"I don't think you're a spy."
Whatever else she was going to say was interrupted by another voice. – "Of course he's not."
Amuro looked up. – "Kai."
"Spies are smoothtalking, steel-nerved badasses." – the other teen continued from where he was resting his back against the wall. – "Amuro would be spotted from a kilometer off."
"What you even doing here? You should've stayed at Side 7."
The other teen just shrugged. – "You presume our hosts gave me a choice. But it seems someone told them about that time of ours in the development sector, so I'm detained. Thanks for that, by the way."
As if that was his fault to begin with! – "I didn't tell them anything."
"Sure."
"I told them." – Frau said suddenly, standing up and facing Kai. – "The captain asked me because he wanted to know why Amuro knows how to pilot a mobile suit. Don't blame him for your own idiocy."
So Cassius really did not take his excuse of having read the manual at face value. Good to know. Then again, the fact that he hadn't yet ended up in Luna II's detention wing this time around was also a good sign. Did the captain really decide to risk his own hide by not reporting that? Amuro knew from experience how much some officers in the Federation military simply loved latching onto the most trivial and can't-be-helped shit just to feed their own power trip and something like that was anything but trivial, so what gives?
"What idiocy? We were right, the Federation was doing something at Side 7." – Kai pointed out. – "Why do you think Zeon came all this way and shot up our supposedly 'neutral' neighborhood?"
"And Amuro went and drove them off without anyone asking him to!"
Naturally, Kai did not take that fact at face value. – "What? Him? You gotta be kidding me."
"I'm not. If he hadn't done that, we'd all be dead right now!"
"My parents kinda are." – Kai replied bluntly. – "Your point being?"
That took the wind right out of Frau's sails, almost making her flinch. – "Oh, I- I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I'll live." – Kai glanced at Amuro. – "Hope your dad's real proud, though."
"How would I know?" – Amuro muttered. He already knew about Kai's parents. Kai never talked about them and Amuro never asked, even after the war; only through Frau did he find out, years later. Which put Kai's attitude back then in an entirely different light, even though Amuro couldn't genuinely call himself good at understanding other people, even as a Newtype. Hell, even Frau held herself together surprisingly well after losing her mother to the point where only people who actually knew her would've been able to tell the difference. Kai, though, simply shut everything behind a perfect poker face of smartass attitude that nearly drove Bright up the wall at times.
Still, he hoped at least Kai would be spared of the loss this time... but it would seem his luck in that regard ran out after Frau's own family. – "I might very well never get to see him again."
And that was where the other shoe dropped. It's like the universe itself was mocking his feeble attempts at making things right by having what could very well have been their last words to each other having been ones spoken in anger, just like before. Except without one of them being brain-damaged this time.
...at least Amuro thought he himself wasn't brain-damaged. With Newtypes, one could never know, especially where Cyber-Newtypes were concerned, and his senses still being clouded several days after his return left him feel like he was half-blind. Even that simulator gave him more trouble than he expected and more than once he got nicked by a shot he didn't see coming because he didn't feel it coming either.
"What do you mean?"
Amuro sighed and pushed himself onto his feet, turning to Kai. He really didn't want to do this, but bitching and moaning about his own personal problems the way he did back then wasn't going to help either.
"That alarm earlier today? A Zeon spy got onto this ship and kidnapped my father. Best case scenario, they'll kill him." – he continued, ignoring the gasp coming from Frau's direction. – "Worst case scenario, they'll interrogate him and then kill him. And seeing how he's one of the Federation's head researchers into mobile suits, if they get what he knows out of him, you won't be the only one who'll end up without parents. You got a problem with that, take it out on the ones who actually pulled the trigger."
Whatever Kai was about to say in response was interrupted when a trio of children charged into their midst.
"Hey!" – Frau complained, heading after them immediately. – "Stop running around!"
It was a good thing the commotion distracted the others from paying attention to Amuro. It was one thing to look into the face of Paolo Cassius knowing that the man was supposed to die after when it should've happened.
It was an entirely different thing to do the same with an eight year old Katz Kobayashi nine and a half years before the fact.
Especially with Frau also being present and acting like it was nothing special. Amuro still remembered when Neo-Zeon was sufficiently pacified for him to get a day off while his application to rejoining the EFSF was still being processed; after the debacle with the Titans, the Federation military was extra keen on sweeping it all under the rug as quickly and quietly as possible, including catching any war criminals trying to sneak back into the force before it could result in a PR headache for the ones paying their salaries.
When he received that letter from her, he had no idea how shaken it was going to leave him afterwards. Whatever gave her the strength to hold it together after her mother's death succumbed to her near-simultaneously losing Katz and Hayato. One funeral with two empty graves and a broken woman who did not hold back her tears anymore, even with her adoptive children at her side.
Kai, standing over the grave stone-faced.
Bright, eyes closed and head bowed as he paid his respects. Amuro only heard it afterwards that he was actually present in both battles that took the two lives.
And Amuro, standing opposite of Frau and unable to bring himself to say that both Katz and Hayato were content on the other side, the former because he got to die for someone he loved and the latter because he didn't want the former to be alone. Knowledge only a Newtype would have and only a Newtype would understand, but which he knew would do nothing to help a grieving widow.
That was the last time he saw her in person. Not because of anything she said or did, but because he couldn't look her in the face ever again for being something she wasn't.
"Who left these brats on board?" – Kai complained, seemingly entirely oblivious to the irony of that sentence. – "I thought everyone was supposed to stay at Side 7."
"You aren't the only one who doesn't have anyone left, Kai." – Frau shot back as she herded the kids away, Amuro idly noticing a small twitch on Kai's face. Leave it to Frau to make the same point better than he could.
Damn, he really could've handled that better, nearly flying off the handle like that. What in the world was wrong with hi-
Oh.
Oh, right. One thing he was definitely not looking forward to as part of being a couple weeks short of sixteen again. Damn teenage emotions.
He didn't even notice when the others left. He really should stop phasing out like thi-
"You look like someone who's got the weight of the world on his shoulders."
...that voice.
How in the world did he not notice her sitting over at the next table all this time?
Yet there she was, freshly empty ration tray in front of her.
"I'm guessing you're the miracle boy the crew's been gossiping about?" – Sayla continued.
"I just did what I could." – Amuro replied, trying to hold back the tightness in his throat as he sat at the table.
Really, what did it say about him that he hadn't even thought about her being here since he came back?
"I'm not blaming you or anything. Ensign José was practically singing your praise in the infirmary two days ago. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
Amuro scoffed, but it was directed at himself, not at her. – "I wouldn't call today nothing."
"What do you mean?"
He gestured in the vague direction of the hangar. – "What happened in the hangar? All I had to do was wait for Bright, point him at Char and let him quietly call the guards to surround and arrest Char before he left the scene. But no, I had to yell like an idiot and tip the guy off that someone was on to him! And now..." – He sighed. – "Now Zeon has my dad and everything he knows and it might tip the war in their favor because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut."
And if that is indeed what will happen, he was going to murder Char. Painfully. As cold as it sounded, he could've lived with Tem simply being murdered by Char to deny his knowledge to the Federation. But kidnapping him and getting a whole lot more people killed? Hell, the dock the White Base was in having happened to be pressurized was the sole reason anyone in the section of the ship that Guncannon blasted open, including Amuro himself, was still alive. All it would've taken for Char to win would've been the dock's outer hatch being open when he opened fire and Amuro would've been breathing vacuum in seconds with no way of overriding the White Base's automatically sealed bulkheads due to not knowing the code to do so.
None of which would've happened if Amuro would've just killed the guy when he had the chance.
"You could just talk to the captain about this." – Sayla pointed out.
"He already knows."
"Not for that." – she interrupted with a shake of her head. – "If he blamed you, you'd already have been arrested. So calm down and think about what you can do to make it right. Okay?"
She didn't understand.
...but maybe she didn't have to. It was his fault, yes, but it wasn't like he was going to bail out on the White Base because of this. Oh no, Char was in for a world of hurt if he planned to keep this up.
"...right. Thanks."
She smiled. – "You're welcome. Oh, and by the way, I'm Sayla Mass."
"Amuro Ray."
Yes. He couldn't do anything about the past. But right now, there was something he could do.
Let it never be said about Char Aznable that he was afraid to take risks normal people would consider insane.
After everything that happened, the sight and sound of the assembled crew clapping and cheering as he disembarked from the Guncannon in the Falmel's hangar, his prisoner slung over his shoulder, was like a salve on his soul and his pride. One change of uniform and visit to the mess hall (where he received another round of applause) later, he was in the debriefing room, preparing to ride the success streak for as long as it lasted.
His expression did not flinch whatsoever when the large screen before him indicated the laser connection to Solomon was established before resolving into the visual feeds of three people, two of whom were currently very near the top end of his "terminate with extreme prejudice" list.
For her own credit, Kycilia's masked visage didn't react to his own unmasked one beyond a raised eyebrow under her hairline before becoming unreadable once more. Gihren did not even spare him that much, outwardly looking almost bored were it not for his ever-calculating eyes silently boring into his.
"I highly expect there to be a reason for you to have asked the vice admiral to arrange this emergency debriefing, captain." – Kycilia stated flatly, her tone making it crystal clear she did not appreciate her time being wasted by what she likely presumed to be brown-nosing.
Luckily for her, Char had every intention of indulging her in that regard just this once. – "I'll get to the point. A few days ago I was dispatched by Vice Admiral Dozle to investigate intelligence reports about a concealed Federation R&D facility at Side 7."
"I know about that report." – she interrupted him bluntly. – "Continue."
"On our way to the colony, we intercepted a Federation ship of unknown class coming to evacuate the facility. Our intelligence was correct and my team was engaged by Federation prototypes that repulsed our assault. The ship and the prototypes subsequently left Side 7 and are currently holed up inside Luna II. As there's no way to tell how long they will be there, I decided to salvage the operation by infiltrating the base."
"On whose authority?" – Kycilia asked immediately once the chronometer at the bottom of her feed indicated her office in Side 3 caught up with the light lag, cutting off whatever Dozle was about to say.
"My own initiative." – Char replied smoothly. – "Federation security was shockingly lax and I was able to accomplish my mission successfully."
"And precisely what said mission was?" – the masked woman continued to press. – "I fail to see how a single operative without infiltration training could sabotage their research efforts."
'No infiltration training'. Oh, the sheer irony of that statement...
And all the while, Gihren Zabi said absolutely nothing, just sitting and staring Char straight in the eye without even blinking, like a spider waiting for its prey to entangle itself.
Well, Char was not going to give him the satisfaction. – "Mere sabotage was not my objective anyway." – Pressing a few buttons, he brought up a still CCTV image of the Falmel's hangar, as well as digital scans of several pages of the Project V documentation he spent time perusing between his escape and arrival back to the ship. – "I have successfully acquired one of the Federation's mobile suit prototypes, official designation RX-77 Guncannon, which is now secured in the Falmel's hangar for transportation to Solomon as per prior orders I received from Vice Admiral Dozle. I have also secured detailed technical documentation concerning this mobile suit, along with two other prototype models the Federation scientists were working on, designations RX-75 Guntank and RX-78 Gundam."
"Hah, so you were fishing for a promotion after all!" – Dozle declared, hands clapping together with the volume of a gunshot before rubbing together with the eagerness of a child who just got a new toy. – "Excellent work!"
"And the garrison?" – Kycilia continued, tone now more calculating than 'stop wasting my time'. – "Did they just let you go?"
Char smirked. – "They did not. However, the Federation ground crews were kind enough to leave the Guncannon fully armed, fueled and loaded with ammunition, so disabusing their fighters of the notion of pursuit was a simple matter."
That was putting it mildly.
It has been quite long since he had the chance to fight opponents that weren't mobile suits (the Core Fighter from last time notwithstanding) and even with the comparatively lower performance of a Guncannon compared to what he was used to, the difference in maneuverability was simply startling. By the time he managed to shake off the EFSF quick-reaction intercept squadrons swarming out of Luna II like angry bees whose nest he just kicked (and for once, that wasn't even a metaphor) and lose them in the Minovsky jamming, he was completely out of ammunition and the Luna II garrison was down 18 Saberfishes and 9 Balls, some of them permanently.
In fact, the greatest difficulty he had wasn't even the quantity of opponents, but the lack of a beam saber. Punching and kicking fast-moving targets in a zero-gee environment without a waist joint was not easy, especially with only one free hand and especially while simultaneously trying to not drop his rifle or let it get hit by enemy fire.
"Additionally..." – Char let his smirk grew he sent over another image. – "I'd also like to introduce you to lieutenant and doctor Tem Ray, currently enjoying the hospitality of the Falmel's brig. I trust his expertise as head of research and development for Project V would be very informative for his colleagues within our own ranks."
And there was that. When he managed to shake off the EFSF intercept squadrons and had some free time until his arrival back to the Falmel, Char could not believe his own luck as he checked his hostage's name tag, started reading the stolen documentation to pass the time, did a double-take and checked the aforementioned name tag again. Tem Ray's role in Project V was of course not exactly advertised by the Federation after the war, but he heard certain rumors over the years and his former Zeonic contacts at Anaheim were more than happy to oblige him when he asked. After all, asking for copies of 14 year old research records that were hopelessly outdated by 0093 was a pittance compared to asking for another batch of Geara Dogas.
Part of him still doubted whether he really was this lucky, but he didn't know of any other Tem Ray in the Federation military, let alone one who was also a doctor AND a lieutenant. So yes, it was looking increasingly likely that he actually managed to kidnap Amuro Ray's father by freak chance – and with the cherry on top that is having done it right in front of Amuro with the latter being completely powerless to do anything about it.
Oh, the face his nemesis has to be making right now...
"HAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" – Dozle roared without a single shred of dignity, something Kycilia evidently found very unamusing, judging from her narrowing eyes. – "Char, you magnificent son of a bitch!"
...he was going to let Dozle have that one this time. – "Just doing my job, sir."
"Vice Admiral, control yourself." – Gihren spoke suddenly for the first time since the debriefing began.
To his credit, Dozle managed to wipe the grin off his own face in record time. – "Y-yes, sir!"
"I want the captured materials secured for transport back to the homeland as soon as they arrive."
"Yes, sir!"
Gihren looked at Kycilia next. – "Commander, the hostage is under your jurisdiction. Dispatch your people to take custody of him."
"We'll handle it." – came the blunt reply.
And all the while Char continued to smirk to himself in the background.
'Still got it.'
Post-it author's notes - 2022.03.06.
Note that Wakkein ordering no quarter to be given to Char (ie. kill him even if he tries to surrender) is illegal as per protocol II, article 23 of the 1899 Hague Conventions. While it can be argued that Zeon likely never signed the treaty in question, the Federation's founding states did sign it before the Federation's predecessor organization (the United Nations) even existed and the 1946 Nuremberg Trials rendered the question moot by declaring the Hague Conventions to be binding international law all civilized countries are universally expected to adhere to regardless of whether they ratified it or not. That being said, the similarly universally-binding 1925 Geneva Protocol of the same treaty banned chemical warfare in all forms, something Zeon explicitly violated with their unrestricted use of G3 nerve gas on Federation civilians in the opening month of the war, as depicted on-screen in 08th MS Team (and questionably in Origin, as the much slower lethality of whatever gas was used to kill the population of the Operation British colony does not seem to indicate G3).
The Antarctic Treaty covers both of these points, among other things, so it likely built on the existing older treaties to remind both sides not to be total assholes just because they're at war. Not that it mattered much to some people on both sides of the war - and in this particular case, I'd imagine Wakkein would be more than a little miffed at and vindictive towards Char humiliating him like this. Which naturally doesn't mean he wouldn't get court-martialed for issuing an illegal order (ie. guilty of inciting others to commit murder) or that Cassius and co. wouldn't get court-martialed for obeying said order despite knowing it's illegal (ie. the "just following orders" defense many trials throughout history, not just Nuremberg, declared an invalid excuse for war crimes). Hence the order's unofficial and under-the-table nature.