On the morning of our second wedding anniversary, Astoria and I made our way out to the gardens while Scorpius was napping. It seemed like as good a plan as anything else; I'd asked her what we'd done for our anniversary last year, and she'd only smirked at me, telling me we'd conceived Scorpius. I'd been surprised at her flirtatious tone and expression since she hadn't tried to initiate, or even discuss, sex since I'd woken up. My shock had led to an awkward silence and then she'd retreated into the bathroom to shower.

Now I was wondering if I should've taken her words as an invitation.

However, I didn't remember having much of a sex life before the accident, so I was nervous to touch her. What if I did something she didn't like? Did she like it hard and fast? Sweet and slow? What if I couldn't make her finish?

It was almost easier to remain sexually frustrated — I had more questions about Astoria's preferences than answers — and she didn't seem like the type to discuss these things openly. I was terrified to even hug her or hold her hand half the time, since she never touched me, and it was beginning to wear on my nerves.

Growing up, I'd watched my parents be disgustingly affectionate with one another, always taking any opportunity to steal a kiss or a touch, and that's what I imagined my future relationship would be like. I found myself wishing for more memories of Astoria just so I could understand what had been between us a bit more, especially since what I could remember wasn't all that clear.

Lost in my thoughts, I barely heard her say my name. Shaking my head, I looked up and met her eyes. "I'm sorry, Stori. I was in a bit of a fog. What did you say?"

She looked put out, like I had been intentionally ignoring her, and I felt like shit.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner or something tonight. You know, maybe get out of the Manor for a bit? It's been months," she said quietly.

I didn't even have to think about my answer. "That sounds wonderful. Is there somewhere specific you'd like to go?"

Smiling, she replied, "I'm sure your parents will have an excellent recommendation since they've been to a few new places recently."

"What if we went somewhere we used to go? I know I can't remember, but it would be nostalgic for you."

She hesitated, and I wondered how I had treated her before. At any mention of the past, she flinched and I grew suspicious. I didn't really understand any of it, but every time I'd asked, she'd said we'd been perfectly happy before and I was a wonderful husband.

Finally, she said, "I think I want to go somewhere new. It feels like we're starting over, Draco, and we're essentially getting to know each other again. I don't long for the life we had before because I'm so happy to have you here with me and Scorpius all the time."

"I wasn't around much before?" I questioned.

With a sigh, Astoria replied, "No. You were always working. It's one of the reasons I'm glad you haven't gone back. You were nearly obsessed with the DMLE and spent all your time there every day. Sometimes, you'd barely come home for dinner before heading back out." She kept walking, though she was visibly nervous, wringing her hands and bowing her head. "I didn't like being alone all the time. It wasn't the kind of life that I wanted."

I reached out and grabbed her arm, turning her to face me. "I'm sorry I left you alone so often. I promise you, even if I do go back to work, it won't be the same this time, Astoria. I want to be present for both you and Scorpius."

"I'd prefer it if you did something different if you want to work again, Draco. I don't want you getting sucked back into being an Auror and never leaving your work at the office," she said quietly, not meeting my eyes. "I don't think I could handle it a second time around."

I didn't respond verbally. Pulling her close, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. I thought back to my conversation with Potter, the way he'd said I had been one of the best at what I did, and I didn't think I could promise Astoria that I'd never return to it. Her arms stayed at her sides, the embrace feeling awkward. While I'd thought of kissing her, I couldn't bring myself to attempt it if she was uncomfortable with a simple hug.

Letting go of her, I started walking back towards the Manor. She followed in my wake, looking a bit upset. I was sure she hadn't missed my reluctance to say I wouldn't rejoin the Aurors and was upset over it.

But something deep inside me was telling me that I needed to go back there, to the DMLE, to regain a part of my old life.

When we got back to the Manor, my parents were having tea in the main sitting room. We moved to join them and my father held up his hand. "You weren't invited to sit with us. Go get changed and pack your bags. It's your anniversary, and you shouldn't be spending it around the Manor with us."

I looked at him questioningly, hoping he'd give a further explanation. He just sighed.

"Draco," my mother chimed in. "We just went to the Ministry and secured you two a Portkey to Paris! We thought it would be nice if you took a couple of days to yourselves. We'll look after Scorpius. I'm sure you'll be able to make arrangements to stay somewhere when you get there."

Astoria was visibly excited, but I felt my cheeks heat. Were my parents essentially telling us to go to Paris and shag for a few days?

"I'll go and start getting ready! Even if we just go for the day, Draco, it would be lovely!" she exclaimed.

Smiling, she turned and strode out of the room, likely anxious to get to the wizarding shopping district in Paris. For a moment, I stared blankly, my brain trying to make some sort of connection.

Paris. With Astoria.

When had we last travelled there together? I knew we'd gone, but I couldn't remember anything about it. There was absolutely nothing — not even a glimpse of the Eiffel Tower or a cobblestone street.

It seemed I had gaps specific to Paris — or at least the last time I'd been to Paris with Astoria — and I found myself frozen, trying to figure yet another conundrum out.

"Draco? Are you okay?" my mother asked, and I heard both my parents' chairs scraping against the floor as they stood.

Rubbing my hands over my eyes, I said, "When did Astoria and I go to Paris?"

When I spoke, my mother let out a relieved sigh. "You've only been once with Astoria — last summer. July or August, right, Lucius?"

"Right. In celebration of the baby. You had photos taken in Paris for the Prophet last summer," he replied. "Hasn't Astoria ever shown them to you? They were her idea."

"Obviously not," I answered, my tone a bit more rude than it should've been. "Sorry, it's just… Since the accident, this doesn't really feel like my life sometimes. I can feel things missing. It's hard to explain, but it's frustrating."

My parents exchanged a look, but I didn't know what it meant, and I didn't want to ask. I'd learned long ago that they had an unspoken language that I would never understand.

"Is there anything we can do to help you, Draco?" my father asked.

I shook my head. "Sometimes I wish that I just had someone to talk to — someone who could tell me what exactly my life was like before this accident."

My father raised an eyebrow. "What do you need to talk about, Draco?"

"Things still feel… off. With Astoria. I thought it was just because I couldn't remember before, but now—"

"I'm sure you were right, Draco. The missing memories are likely clouding things for you," my mother began. "I've no doubt that Astoria loves you and is committed to making your marriage work. She almost lost you, and I think she's afraid to say something to upset you."

In moments like this one, I found myself wishing that Blaise was around. I had no contact with friends; the only people I'd spoken to since the accident were my parents, Astoria, and occasionally Pansy. My conversations at the hospital had mainly pertained to Scorpius.

"How much can she really love me if she doesn't even touch me?" I asked. "When I tried to hug her in the garden, her arms never even left her sides. She won't even hold my hand, let alone f—"

"Don't say it," my mother squeaked. "I don't need to hear about that part of your life." Pausing, she looked at me, and she must've been able to tell I was desperate. With a sigh, she asked, "Have you tried talking to her?"

"Of course not! Did you miss the part about hugging and hand holding? How do you think a conversation about sex will go?"

Clearing his throat, my father said, "Well, since Scorpius is here, you were clearly having sex before the accident."

"But that's the thing! I can't remember ever having sex with her after the honeymoon!" I blurted.

They both looked stunned, and with the way they behaved, I wasn't surprised at all. Since they were so handsy, infrequent sex would be a near impossibility in their minds.

"Well, you clearly did. At least once," my mother stated, her cheeks blushing.

With a sigh, I said, "Nevermind. Forget I brought this up. I know I'm surely going to try to."

"It's understandable that you're frustrated, Draco," my father began. "Why don't you just… take control? It's what I like to do."

At that, I shuddered and left the room. The images he'd just put into my mind were beyond horrifying. I heard their laughter as I made my way to the main staircase, and it made me wish I had that kind of relationship with Astoria. Or with anyone, really. Some days, I found myself wondering why I had settled for an arranged marriage when I could've waited, given myself time to fall in love with a witch properly.

I was honestly envious of my parents' relationship, and I wasn't sure if that was wrong or right.

When we got to Paris, Astoria started shopping almost instantly. We didn't stop for lunch or to see the sights; she headed for the boutiques the second our Portkey landed. Following her dutifully and commenting at the appropriate times, I thought about what my parents had suggested.

My mother had asked if I'd talked to Astoria. That felt somehow uncomfortable to me — which I knew was wrong — and I didn't particularly want to try it. Taking control of the situation, like my father had said, was marginally more appealing. I didn't feel comfortable rushing straight into sex, but I could try to initiate other types of contact. An arm around the waist as we walked, holding hands at a table, a hug and a peck on the lips from time to time… I might get laid by Christmas.

Bloody brilliant.

I felt like a fucking teenager again, trying to figure out how fast was too fast and what might scare a girl away.

As we left the fifth boutique, I decided to put my plan in motion. I wrapped my arm around Astoria, my hand settling on her waist. When she felt my touch, she jumped and turned towards me. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, tightening my hand a bit. She smiled brightly and didn't pull away.

Progress. Something small, but progress nonetheless.

Honestly, with the way she'd jumped and the way she always looked confused by my attention, I was beginning to think that I used to treat her like an object rather than a person — something pretty to look at, or to take out and use when I needed, but ignored the majority of the time.

"Is there anywhere in particular you want to go, Draco?" Astoria asked with a smile.

I shook my head. "I'm happy to do whatever you'd like to."

Silently, I was hoping that she'd give up on shopping and want to venture around to other parts of the city. I'd been before, but it seemed different now.

"Well, let's keep going, then!"

Plastering on a smile, I continued to follow in her wake, shrinking down her purchases and putting them in my coat pocket. She also picked out items for me, which I had sized and tailored. At least she was being a little thoughtful.

Didn't she know this was torture for me, though?

I kept my annoyance to myself, continuing to touch her and walk with her, mentally calculating the size of the fit my father would throw when he got the next Gringotts statement. When he'd sent us to Paris, he probably hadn't intended for us to spend thousands of Galleons.

Around dinnertime, I finally stopped the shopping spree. "Astoria, we've not eaten all day," I grumbled, and she smiled, trying to placate me.

"Oh, of course! Can you think of anywhere specific you'd like to go?"

I shrugged, honestly having no idea where to go. When I glanced across the street, there was a small bistro on the ground floor of a hotel. Something about the area we were in was familiar, but I couldn't pinpoint when I'd been there. I knew I had; the hotel's red awnings drew my eyes in. Staring blankly ahead at it, my brain tried to make connections, tried to show me the last time I was there, but only the same small flashes came forward.

Red awnings. A concierge. A tour of a room, overly large and luxurious. But it was just me — no one by my side.

"Do we normally stay in this hotel when we come to Paris?" I asked, not looking over at Astoria.

Her small hand grasped my forearm. "Draco, that's the hotel we stayed at for our anniversary last year. And I'm fairly certain you stayed there when you came to the city for your work trip in February, as well."

Nodding, my mind still clouded, I said, "I can remember being here, but no specifics. And I can't see you here with me."

"Well," she began, a sly smile spreading across her face. "We only really came out for one meal last year."

My head whipped around. "We…? All day?"

"Yes. All day and all night," she replied, placing a hand on her flat stomach. "I'm pretty sure it's when we conceived."

Swallowing hard, I pulled her closer and tentatively pressed my lips to hers. She grew bolder before I did, running her tongue along my bottom lip and coaxing me to open my mouth to her.

Somewhere closeby, a camera flashed, and I wasn't sure if it had been pointed at us or not. I was so wrapped up in this kiss, in the thought of fucking Astoria into the hotel mattress the previous year, that I couldn't be bothered to care. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I groaned when her body was flush against mine. I couldn't remember any contact like this since our honeymoon, her breasts pushing into my chest and her hips rocking towards mine.

I wanted to let my hands roam, to map the gentle curves I'd forgotten with my fingers.

After breaking the kiss, she whispered, "Want to go back? I'll show you what you can't remember."

My arousal overwhelmed me, and I didn't give anything a second thought. We were married. She'd been there for me for the past six months. Even if things weren't perfect between us and she'd annoyed me most of the day, she was who I had, and I was pretty sure I had loved her before. I thought back to the hospital, to when Scorpius was born, and I'd felt love for her then, too.

"Yes," I whispered back. "Yes, I think I'd really like that."

Astoria took my hand and led me into the hotel, the confidence in her strides so different from the way she'd walked through the garden just this morning. It was as if I was suddenly married to a completely different woman — a woman who felt comfortable in her own skin and in our relationship.

The nostalgia she'd so easily dismissed earlier seemed to put a spring back in her step. Before, she'd said she wanted to do something different for our anniversary, to create a new tradition. However, as soon as my parents had brought up Paris, she seemed giddy.

A little confused, I tried to remember anything from the previous year. Again, I only saw the awnings and the concierge, the room tour on my own.

She wasn't there for any of it.

When we walked up to the hotel desk, I gave my name and the woman smiled, murmuring a quiet un moment s'il vous plaît. She moved through a door behind her, returning with a man wearing a broad smile.

"Bienvenue, monsieur Malfoy. C'est bon de te revoir," he greeted.

Astoria looked confused, so I answered him in English. "It's good to see you again, too. How are you today?"

"Ahh, the lady doesn't speak French. Such a shame!" he replied, though he looked at Astoria like he'd never seen her before. "What brings you to Paris?"

"Anniversary trip," Astoria said with a smile. "We've been married two years."

The man's eyes widened infinitesimally. "Congratulations. That's… wonderful."

His words and tone seemed at odds, but I wasn't sure if that was because he was translating. His English had seemed smooth before, but it was faltering now. "Thank you," I began. "I know it's last minute, but do you have any rooms available?"

He nodded. "I believe your usual room is free, Monsieur. Would you like that one?"

Looking to Astoria, I asked, "Is that what you had in mind?"

Clearing her throat, she looked at the man and answered, "Yes, I think that would be perfect. It will be good to see it again."

The man spoke to the woman at the desk, telling her to put us in the penthouse, and then turned back to me. "I hope you and your lovely wife enjoy your stay. I will send up a new concierge."

"That will be fine, thank you," Astoria replied before I had the chance.

And with that, we were whisked away to the suite I remembered touring on my own, the large bed and opulent furnishings the same as they had been in my flash of memory. I watched as Astoria took everything in, expecting her to smile. Instead, she looked a little annoyed until she met my eyes.

Smiling broadly, she said, "It's lovely to be here. Thank you, Draco."

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her cheek. "You're welcome."

Turning her head, she captured my lips and kissed me hard, her tongue sliding into my mouth. I felt her hands gripping the front of my shirt, pulling me towards her, and I groaned. The heat she was putting into the kiss was unexpected, but not unwanted.

"Well," she began, smirking when we broke apart. "Why don't we get out of these clothes and into that bed?"

Astoria and I had spent the night in Paris, rediscovering each other and eating overpriced room service in bed. The memories of our honeymoon were nearly put to shame; Astoria's appetite had been insatiable.

After a particularly vigorous round of shagging, I rolled onto my side, looking into her eyes. "You're beautiful," I said, making her smile. "I really, really needed that. I thought there was something wrong between us."

"What do you mean?" she asked, and I thought she might be playing stupid.

Biting my lower lip, I watched as her eyes darted to my mouth, her breath hitching with arousal. Trying to focus, I replied, "I mean… I could remember having sex for pretty much our whole honeymoon, but not much after. I honestly don't even remember the night Scorpius was conceived."

A small smile settled onto her face. "I was just worried after the baby, love. I look different, and with your memory problems, it just never felt like the right time."

Grinning, I looped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer and kissing her lips softly. "Oh, Astoria, it's never the wrong time for that. Trust me."

My hand traveled to her breast and she flung a leg over my hip, pushing me to my back and straddling me. Her confidence was unexpected, especially given the statement she'd just made about looking different post-pregnancy.

However, I wasn't going to complain; I'd waited so long to re-establish this part of our relationship, and I would happily let her ride me into the ground if it meant we'd both be happy and open with one another.

"So, Draco," she began, grinding down on me, "shall we continue jogging your memory?"

Unfortunately, the post-coital bliss was quickly shattered the next morning when I found Astoria crying in the shower.

"What's going on?" Her head snapped up when I slid the glass door open, reaching down to the floor to help her stand. After another second passed, she averted her eyes. "Astoria, talk to me."

"I can't let it go back to how it was," she stated.

Honestly confused, I tangled my hand in her wet hair and tilted her head back, forcing her to meet my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"We can't go back to how we were," she began. "I need this, Draco. I need you to touch me. I need you to be with me the way you were last night."

Why would she think we'd only have sex for one night? I'm sure it wasn't like that before…

"I wasn't planning on going back," I said, before leaning down and kissing her softly. "I loved last night, Astoria. Of course I don't want things to go back to how they were. I loved being with you."

Her hand moved from my chest down to my waist and then slid even further, ending up on my cock. She started squeezing me and stroking me, but I stopped her.

"We need to talk about this. Why would you think I'd want to go back after last night?"

Again, she looked away.

"Listen to me, Astoria. I'm not sure what I've done to you in the past, but it's pretty obvious to me that we have some kind of negative history. You shy away from conversations that seem pretty fucking important and flinch when I first touch you. It's been that way since I woke up—"

She cut me off, kissing me again. "I'm sorry. It's like I told you, you were always working before. You were rarely home, and sex…" She paused, sniffling. "Well, let's just say it wasn't a regular occurrence for us after the honeymoon."

My brain struggled to figure out why. It had been good between us last night — more than good. Unable to imagine why I'd ever stop shagging her, I knew I needed to comfort her. I hugged her closer to my chest, one hand on the back of her neck and one on her waist.

It was clear that I'd damaged our relationship, neglecting her and leaving her on her own all the time. Even though I couldn't remember the specifics, I knew I had to apologize. "I'm sorry, Stori. I'm so fucking sorry."

At my words, her face nuzzled against me, her lips kissing my chest. "Just promise me, Draco. Promise me you won't go back. Promise me you want to make this work."

I felt something inside of me twist at her words — likely guilt — and I caved. "I promise I won't go back to behaving that way. Of course I want to make this work. I want to be there for you and Scorp."

Lifting her head, she met my eyes. "Can we move back home? I want to start rebuilding our life, without your parents around."

"Whatever makes you happy," I replied. "I'll do whatever it takes to make my past behavior up to you. I promise."

When she smiled and kissed me, her tears and sour mood almost instantly vanishing, I got a strange feeling, like I'd sold my soul to the devil.

And that was when it hit me — Astoria had said we'd come to Paris for our anniversary last year, but that contradicted what my mother told me, that we'd come last July or August and never before. It was entirely possible my mother hadn't known where Astoria and I spent the day last year, but it still made me wonder if my wife had been honest with me.

Especially since she'd explicitly stated that she wanted to get away from my parents.

The thought was fleeting, vanishing when Astoria's wet body started sliding against mine, her kisses becoming more and more desperate.

What reason would she have to lie?