I know this chapter isn't as long as the others, but I didn't want to move further, yet.
It's Anastasia's first day back to work since her surgery and she's feeling pretty good. The morning has been hectic considering she's been gone for a couple weeks, but a couple of meetings and a conversation with her personal assistant has brought her up to date. They've signed a new author and Anastasia is eager to meet him and see what he has in store. After lunch she'll dive into the sample manuscript that convinced the fiction editor to sign him, but right now it's lunch and the only thing she can think about is the Seattle Sperm Bank.
Originally, she had been worried that finding a donor she liked would be hard, but upon further inspection, she's realized that it will be easier than she thought. The website has a search for candidates that a person can search from and it includes race, ethnicity, eye color, hair color, height, weight, blood type, and even Jewish ancestry. It all makes her head spin.
What does she want?
Does she want a man that has similar looks to her? Does she want a mixed child? Maybe one that has a diverse background?
As she stares at the search, she drums her fingers. How is she going to narrow it down?
Christian did say that he could be the acting father of the baby. Maybe it'd help if it looked kind of like him? Should she search for a tall man with gray eyes? Maybe light brown or red hair? Christian's hair is a dark, but has a red tint to it. It is beautiful in the sunlight. What color would that be considered?
Deciding on light brown, she does her initial search and a few donors pop up. One man states that he's 6'5 and she immediately nixes that one, deciding that since she's not very tall for a woman that a slightly shorter donor would be better.
She clicks on a man that states he has gray eyes and light brown hair, is 6'1 and 180 lbs. It states that he's currently studying marketing at a university. Young.
She rolls her eyes and mentally admonishes herself. These men are offering their sperm to give women like her a chance to have a child. It shouldn't matter how old they are. It isn't as if they'll actually be fathering the child. It's just a donor.
When the page loads, she immediately gets a hard stop. She has to make a profile. She hurries to make a profile and sees that to view each profile, is a fee. A person can pay for each profile or a person can pay for a full access pass to every profile. She decides to dive in and just buy the full access pass.
Finally, the profile of the man she clicked on earlier pops up and there's a full page on his background, his likes, dislikes, pet peeves, etc. Is this a dating site? The donor's page also contains two photos of him when he was a child. She stares at them, trying to picture herself having a child that looks similar.
"What are you doing?"
Anastasia startles.
Christian is standing in the doorway of her office while he watches her stare at her computer with interest. She's so captivated by whatever is on the screen, that she doesn't even realize that he's there.
When she almost falls out of her chair, Christian snickers.
"Did I catch sweet, little Ana looking at something naughty online?" He wiggles his eyebrows and shuts the door behind him.
She rolls her eyes. "No, Christian. I'm doing some research. Trying to pick a donor."
His ears perk up. "Really?" He doesn't spend any time making his way over to her desk and moves her computer chair back so he can see.
"I can't see." He's too tall. He plops down in her lap, making her laugh.
"Pardon me!"
He looks over his shoulder. "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you sitting here?"
"You're a menace."
"That's old news." He counters, looking over the information on the screen. "Is this the guy you picked?"
Anastasia sighs and rests her forehead against his upper back. "I don't know. It's so hard. Can't you just pick one for me?"
Christian isn't sure that he's comfortable with that. He definitely doesn't want to be responsible for picking a donor if the child ends up with some type of problem.
"I can help you narrow it down, love, but it's something you've got to pick. It's your child."
He scrolls down to the bottom and sees that there is an audio recording from the man. He hits play and they listen.
"Oh, he sounds nice." Anastasia picks her head up and peeks over his shoulder to try and get a glimpse of the screen, even though she can't see anything. His voice is a gravely sounding baritone. Masculine.
Christian looks over his ancestry and sees that the man has an Irish and German background.
"How do you know this guy isn't some schizophrenic or something? You know that it's genetic, right?"
Anastasia frowns. "They have to list everything in their background. They even do a background check."
"That doesn't mean that it would show his stints in the psych ward or his prescription list. What happens if he's decided to lie and he does have something serious?" Christian doesn't feel right about her picking some random man's sperm. He wonders if he could get the true identity of the man and do a background check of his own.
"That's a small chance, Christian. What am I supposed to do? I need a sperm donor. It isn't like I can go around to men that I know and ask if they'll donate for me."
Christian stands and has a seat on her desk in front of her. He wants to be able to speak with her face-to-face. It's important. This conversation is beyond important.
"Why not?"
Her eyebrows knit together. "Why not? Because it'd be weird! I wouldn't even know who to ask!"
Suddenly, this conversation has become so much more nerve wracking to him. He knows exactly who she should ask. It's obvious who would be the perfect sperm donor. Still, he's nervous about how to approach her. He chews his lip, uncertain. Will she laugh in his face? Will she demand that he leave?
What if it ruins their friendship?
He's told himself that this will only make their bond stronger, but he isn't sure that Anastasia will see it that way.
"See, Christian? I don't have any other choice. I need this sperm donor."
He exhales and rubs his palms together, finding his courage.
"What about me?"
She stares up at him, her eyes wide and her mouth gaping open like a fish. She's speechless. This is something that she never expected.
"Wha-wha-" She coughs, her throat suddenly dry. "What?" Her words are strangled.
"Why can't I be your sperm donor?"
She sits back in her computer chair and holds her head. "I...wow. I think...I just need a second." There are so many thoughts and so many emotions running through her, she needs some time to navigate this.
Christian sits there, stone still, trying to wait patiently. He looks cool, calm, and collected as he sits, but on the inside it's chaos. He shouldn't have said anything. He knows if he didn't though, he might regret it for the rest of his life. She should make this decision on her own. But, she asked for help didn't she? This is just his way of helping. He's relatively sane, has good looks, is financially stable, and will be around to father the child. What's so bad about that?
She sits up straight in her chair and smooths her hair down. "Okay, let's talk through this."
He nods. "Okay." He's anxious to hear what she has to say.
"I appreciate you being so kind, but you've got to look at the bigger picture here, Christian. This is a lifetime commitment. It seems fine now, but what happens when you find a girl you want to marry? How is she going to deal with this? You'll want a family with her, not me. What if you jump into this whole fathering deal, but then decide you don't have time for the child because you want to move on with your wife? What if you regret it? It isn't like we can go back once it's done. You can't erase a child, Christian. You can't change genetics."
Christian grips the edge of the desk. "I've thought about this, Ana. Over the last few days, I've thought about it a lot. It isn't something I just came up with."
Her eyebrows knit together. "You've thought about this?" Why didn't he mention this before?
He nods. "I wanted to go over every situation in my head before I spoke with you. I want to be your donor. Like I told you weeks ago...I'll be the acting father even if I'm not the donor, so why shouldn't I be the true father? Any woman I date will know that I have a child with you. If they're not okay with it, then it's not meant to be.
"I've got commitment issues already, Anastasia...at least, when it comes to women. This might be the only chance I have to have my own child. We're best friends. We're going to be in each other's lives forever. This is a chance for both of us to have a child. This is the right decision. I know it. The child deserves to have both parents. I swear to you that this child will be my number one priority. I want this, Ana...hell! Maybe as much as you do."
Anastasia's quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in. "But, what if it ruins our friendship? What if we both have different opinions on how to parent and it tears us apart? What if we find that coparenting is something that we can't handle together?"
He shakes his head. There's no way that would ever happen. "We'd compromise, Ana. I can only see this child making our bond stronger. You are the most important woman in my life. That isn't going to change. Ever." There is finality in his voice, but still, Anastasia doesn't know what to think.
"Come on, Ana...just...just think about it before you answer. If you decide against it, then I'll have to respect your decision. I'll still be an active participant and will be the father figure to the child. Just consider this option. Promise me."
She chews her lip and nods. "Okay, I promise."
He gives her a relieved smile and leans down to press his lips to hers. "Sealed."
Anastasia tucks her hair behind her ear. "I want you to know that I appreciate your offering either way. It's such a selfless gift your willing to give me. It's just such a shock to my system. I need some time to think it over once the shock subsides."
He grins. "It's not completely selfless. I want a child, too, you know."
"I never knew you wanted children, Christian." This is news to her.
Christian shrugs. "I think it'd be nice to have a child or two. With my touch issue, I just figured having a long term relationship with a woman was out of the question, so kids were never something I thought I'd end up with." This is a perfect situation for them. He just wished she could see it that way. Hopefully, soon, she will.
"Plus... how fucking cute would our kid be?" He adds, trying to make the air in the room feel a little lighter.
His comment does its job. Anastasia laughs.
"Listen, love. I hadn't meant to bring this up in such a public setting. I meant to have a serious talk with you when we were alone and you had more time to think about it."
Christian did happen to have bad timing. She's already behind on her work as it is and now she'll have to go through the rest of the workday with this swirling in her head. Originally, she had thought that picking a donor from the website was going to be the hardest part, but now she realizes she's in an even bigger predicament. She is going to think long and hard about the situation. This is the biggest decision of her life thus far.
What is a woman to do?
"I can practically smell your brain overheating, Ana. Stow all your worries and concerns for now and come to lunch with me. I'm starved."
Lunch? He wants to eat? Now?
Anastasia's appetite is now non-existent. The churning in her stomach makes her want to vomit.
Christian hates that Anastasia is being so damn quiet. He wants to punish himself for bringing it up at the wrong time. He knows that she is probably not hungry...especially after he unloaded this on her...but he isn't going to give her a choice.
"Come on. Up you go." He grabs her arms and pulls her into a standing position. "You're going to come with me to lunch and you're going to sit there and like it. I came all the way over here to eat with you and you're going to eat, damn it."
"But Christian…" She digs her heels in when he tries to pull her out the door.
"No buts, Ana. Now, this can happen one of two ways. You can walk out of here like an adult or I can carry you out like a child, kicking and screaming."
She eyes him and puts her hands on her hips, challenging him. "You wouldn't." She knows he wouldn't risk her job for something as petty as a lunch date.
Deciding to change tactics, he eyes her cell on her desk and grabs it.
"What are you doing?" She takes a step forward as he steps back.
"Your phone and handbag are heading out the door. I suggest you follow." He turns and makes his way towards the door, grabbing her bag off the hook on the way out.
Anastasia stands there, tapping her foot. Surely, he wouldn't just…
She sees him disappear around the corner and her arms fall to her sides as she rushes after him.
Hearing her coming up behind him, he turns and gives her a smile. He knew that he won this round. Both of them are stubborn, but he's learned ways to get his way every now and then.
She scowls at him and rips her phone and bag out of his hands. "Thief."
Hearing the word she mutters, he chuckles and throws his arm around her neck. "You are mistaken, my dear. I was simply borrowing it."
"You play dirty."
He nods. "It's effective."
XxXxXx
"How's it feel coming back to work?"
Anastasia sighs and slumps in her chair at the sushi restaurant. "It feels good to be back, but there is so much I've missed...so much I have to do in such little time." Her brain is on overload.
Christian gives her an encouraging smile. "I'm sure you'll catch up quickly." He's also sure that she's going to be a bear to deal with in the meantime. Whenever his best friend feels overwhelmed with something, she tends to be irritable and usually, he happens to be the main target. Why the hell did he spring the donor thing on her today? Of all days, he does it when she's feeling out of control and overwhelmed with everything. Smooth, Grey. She'll probably never say yes, now.
"I hope so." Anastasia hates feeling like she's behind. She wants to excel in her career, but her health has definitely hindered her with doing so.
She pours herself some tea and adds a little bit of milk, hoping that it'll help with the migraine that's slowly creeping up on her.
"How's work going for you?" Anastasia asks.
"Eh." He shrugs. "Not the greatest."
Her eyebrows knit together and she looks across the table at Christian. "Why?" Usually, he enjoys talking about work. He loves what he does, even though she finds it a little boring... at least to listen to.
"We've been looking for another shipyard, and unfortunately Ros has looked into Detroit and found a promising lead." He sighs. "You know how I feel about Detroit." He hates it.
"Oh…" She knows too well how he feels about Detroit. Usually the word accompanies a few colorful words when it comes from his mouth. "What are you going to do?"
"I've tried to talk her out of it, but I can't give her a good reason… at least business wise… to pull out of it."
Anastasia licks her lips. "That's such an unfortunate coincidence, Christian. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. Is it at least going to be an easy acquisition?"
"Who the hell knows. We're still talking numbers. Of course, they want an astronomically high amount to hand the yard over to GEH, but Ros is confident she can talk them down. We'll see." He refuses to pay the amount the assholes asked for. He doesn't need it that badly. He'll find another somewhere else. Somewhere that isn't tainted with miserable memories.
"Ros can be very persuasive. I'm sure she can get you a good deal." Ros has a way of sweet talking her way through any conversation. Anastasia hopes that she can do it quickly and that Christian won't have to deal with much of the transfer.
"When do you see the doctor?" Christian decides to change the subject. Just the word 'Detroit' makes his stomach sour. He wishes he could just erase all memory of everything before he was four years old.
"After I get my period this month." Anastasia sighs. "I'm a little nervous. There's just so much to do. I've been researching it and I have to take so many shots and pills and go to the doctor for ultrasounds every few days before they extract my eggs. It's a lot to take in at once."
"Why don't I go with you?" Christian offers, hoping she'll be open to the idea. "If there is a lot of information to take in, then maybe having another person there will help. I can help make sense of everything."
Anastasia chews her lip, weighing her options. It would be nice having support there with her.
"Alright." She decides. "If you're sure."
Christian smiles. "I'm sure."
"Thank you, Christian." She gives him a smile. "I don't know how I could ever repay you for all of this. You're my rock."
Christian snorts. "Well, I'll tell you what. If it makes you feel better, you can come with me to my next doctor's appointment and when they check my prostate, I'll let you hold my hand."
She giggles. "Deal."
XxXxXx
Anastasia climbs in bed after an exhausting day. She's mentally and physically exhausted, but her mind is in overdrive. It keeps going back to the conversation that she had with Christian.
He wants to be the donor.
She was so shocked when he mentioned it that the shock is still reverberating through her system a bit.
Christian wants to be the donor.
She keeps saying it in her head, but for some reason, she can't grasp the concept.
Won't it be weird for them?
Anastasia would be having Christian's baby. Weird. Definitely weird. How would they even begin to explain this to their families? How does one explain that they aren't romantically involved, but are having a child together? How would they take it? She knows that her mother is already pulling for the two of them to get together. She doesn't want anyone to take this arrangement the wrong way. Filling them will false hope will only complicate things.
On the other hand, Christian does seem to have great genes. He's tall and handsome, has a high metabolism, is brilliant as can be, and rarely gets sick. She knows he doesn't have any mental health issues or physical disabilities.
He seems eager.
Maybe he does want the baby as much as she does. His sperm would be extremely easy to get, not to mention much cheaper. She wouldn't have to dole out $800.00 for a vial of sperm. That's $800.00 more she can put into savings for the baby.
Instead of raising the baby alone, the baby would have a relationship with both parents instead of just her. With two incomes, the child would be financially stable and if something happened to Anastasia, she wouldn't have to worry where the child might end up.
Christian would be a great father.
He's always had a natural instinct to protect and take care of the people around him and she's sure that his instinct would only grow and flourish more than it already has.
Still, carrying Christian's child will only complicate things. She doesn't want him to feel an unnecessary responsibility towards her while she is pregnant. They do spend a lot of time together, but she doesn't want him to feel like it's his duty to take care of her just because of this.
There's also the issue of dating. Of course, she'd want to meet Christian's significant other before this person would meet their child and she knows that Christian would probably feel the same way. What if they don't like the significant other? If this issue were to pop up, it could cause so much strife between the two of them.
What if Christian gets married and decides that he wants a family of his own? How would the child feel if he or she had to watch from the sidelines while the father plays family with another woman and other children? What if that woman treated Anastasia's child differently than she treated her own?
Even if Christian never gets married or has a family of his own, how are they going to coparent? What if they don't see eye-to-eye in parenting? What if his parenting style is completely different than hers? She doesn't want the child to feel like they have to act differently, depending on who they're with. That's too much pressure for any child.
But...
Christian did say that they'd find a way to compromise.
They are both so stubborn, but maybe this child will soften both of them up. Maybe they'll both learn to compromise. Christian seems more than willing to do so.
He said it'd make their bond stronger.
Perhaps it will. She already feels so close and so comfortable with him, but maybe this will solidify their friendship. This would be such a lovely bonding experience for both of them. Christian has been nothing, but completely supportive through this whole experience. He's always been here for her, no matter what. He wants this. Maybe it is the right decision.
Maybe.
Anastasia feels her drowsiness taking over and decides to sleep on it. Maybe she'll come up with an answer in the morning. Right now, there are too many maybes to make the right decision. She'll re-evaluate this in the morning.
She just hopes that Christian will give her some time to think it over.
Let me know if you want a teaser.